Physical therapy (journaling)

Physical therapy has been scheduled for once weekly

So many vets coughing and being issued “Cadillac” wheelchairs – top of the line deathbeds – meanwhile – my new doctor is high-fiving me every step of the way – got knocked down – don’t intend to stay down.

Also – he was impressed with my rebounding results – and we’re focusing on core strength and conditioning – as well as stretching exercises.

There’s a program I was emailed – already downloaded the app *sigh* but my doc can keep up with my progress. You earn achievements.

It’s better than a coffin in the ground.

Those Cadillac wheelchairs swivel, the seats. But it’s not enough incentive for me to die.

Walking cane is a weapon, I told the front desk jokingly. He concurred.

Cute psychotic homicidal bitch.

Love two boys exactly the same.

They both ghosted me.

Too much woman all petite

Can’t handle me

I’m still recovering from not dying

18 months in…

Doc was impressed with my quads

Tough little bitch

Told him “ten minutes a day” and I’m up to twenty – but ten is all you need

He said he had 4 girls

Bet he’s gonna get his wife rebounding and the fam 🙂

He got on his computer, “this is what you use”

“Yep, one of them. Mine’s a Gold Gym – does the trick – but they got some costing a grand”

The fact that he looked up a rebounder tho 🙂

Cuz the peach is looking rump – it works the core – no need for high jumps or tricks – it’s resistance training – and my heart is responding really well – there’s zero impact to your joints – doesn’t upset my bones – and my physical therapist doctor did not instruct me to stop – and I appreciate he checked to understand the equipment I was using to get well.

But the peach 🙂

Also, despite the protein increase intake, I am 111 pounds.

When laying on my stomach, my peach is peachy – round rump

Gotta keep going

He said, “you go 20 without stopping”

And I said “yep”

But explained how I had to work up to those minutes.

2 minutes to start, then 5.

10 a day is all you need – I’m mostly 20. But do take an occasional rest day – and not fret.

I mark my calendar now, with the minutes jumped

Every step counts

My fucking heart hurts and it’s hard to breathe

But he taught me new stretches that actually help.

Got a good team now. Trying to be present.

The clerk made me a coffee before I left. From their personal stash. He poured a shit ton of cream in. He had the good stuff. LOL


Would be hardluck dating currently

“No sorry, busy that day”

And to find out it’s because I’m actually metamorphosing or something

Or that I have a crush with my doctor

But then – I have a crush on too many men – and it seems to get me in trouble

(I don’t actually have a crush on him but he was cute despite his mask on)

I’m professional. Chill.

Yesterday. All I saw was a white hand signaling me to cross – his SUV completely darkened – broad day – all I saw was a hand – it was just HOW he extended his hand for me to cross – the way it went down flat – in slow mo – as not to rush me – tho it takes trust obviously for these psychopaths not to run me over.

He liked my leggings presumably.

Even had a lady compliment me about them at the library

I was in such a depressed monotone state too – my attempt at being social felt awkward – like why did I have to speak other than “thank you”

“I got them at the mall” – as if only poor people dress like me (I’m self-loathing but looking hella cute)

But she wanted to know which store

“One of them seasonal shops in the middle, today is the last day”

Anyhoo – the way for him to signal for me to cross – like I had worth

Despite the cheap sandals

It requires effort and work to look like a professional fuck up

You don’t get a peach like this just being skinny

The quads are getting thick

The doc pointed out the strength

“The rebounding”, I exclaimed!

Been hard at it this year daily effort – and to be 20 minutes a day – still feeling the burn – but not needing to break for water…

You don’t need to spend loads of money getting equipment

I asked should I wear a belt or not

He advised against it, saying it makes the muscles “not need to work”

But he might be ordering me a ball (can’t remember the correct term) and some other thangs – just stated he didn’t want to overload me

Road to recovery continues

Need my mental health to catch up to my peach – heart still needs mending

Embarrassing, at my young age, got cardiopulmonary visits to attend

Told him, “those fucking vaccines”

“Crawled into the second one the way John Jones kept crawling into that hole”

So – he needed to know the condition of my heart before we proceeded with whatever we we’re going to do

He really improved my breathing with those stretches – love the detailed plan that was sent over – got some good doctors still

He didn’t have to order me a wheelchair, I got several high-fives, there may be hope for me yet 🙂

“After you” is all the hand implied

These fuckers are one pedal away from crazy, and I even crazier with the trust it takes to cross the street – or a running vehicle signaling me to go

But he was going so fast you know, I was willing to wait

“The hand” insisted with its one sweep

Couldn’t even see a face – so hidden

No point in looking back – windows blacked out

He was in a hurry to get where he needed to go – until I had to cross

Probably liked the leggings…

I’m basic and boring but like not

Top of the tier white trash

They forget they have yellow fever when they see me

I told my therapist that I did in fact have a plan b, but I wasn’t sure if it fell under planning, told her I have a mantra and motto now, “suicide is humane” but that I got my library card instead of a gun – and I graduated to another group class – this one 8 weeks long.

I’m like, “can we at least wait until I find out if I’m homeless or not” and so that was pushed back to April thankfully (the classes)

I sat there holding that extra calendar this morning, until God said “someone will need it” and I felt so awkward taking one solo calendar in – to place where other free shit normally is – only nothing was there – and I only had the one calendar to give – and a month has already passed, plus we’re day 2 February, but God said…

And not even 7:30 am some distressed vet at the front desk asking if they happened to have any calendars left – and they did not

And I told him loudly, “well God told me someone would be needing one, and I sat one down at the entrance if it is still there” – he hurried off

I thought, “he’ll return if he got it and let me know”

He fucking got it and was still reading it AFTER I went in and exited my appointment


Someone in fact did need a calendar

Two days into February…

God gives me assignments that make me feel awkward but I do them anyway…

People notice when I’m in a room

Or outside…

Am I too proud?

I certainly don’t look it with my head down

Even when my hair is untamed and a rope hanging round my neck – I swear – they see something I don’t


My God – I’ll be dreaming of it and my future boyfriend will ghost me because of it

“Bro, she was perfect, why did you let her go”

She cheated on me, in a dream

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