Store said she’d been there the longest – adopted and returned
They said she likes to bite
Charlie already wants to extend the family
I told Charlie it might not be best knocking Daisy up her first night here
Not to mention the HABs aren’t even completed
I was going in for substrate and saw that sign for “50% off”
They said eventually it’d be reduced even further – to 75% and then well… she goes one more place and tries one more time (where surely she will bite and their number one rule for biting is “put down”)
It saddens me this society – this lifestyle of bartering one another at what cost
There was another girl that was born there – i really wanted her – she had a cow-like print
I NEED LAND
And a shed
I don’t care what the influencers think
“…this is animal abuse”
But mine are sleeping peacefully in their chaotic HAB
(HAB is short for habitat for those who don’t know)
They also get me as their caretaker and no one on TikTok seems to get that
I told Daisy today that the family returned her because she didn’t belong with them, she belonged here
I’m scared of Daisy
But she let’s me handle her, has not bit me, and has stopped squealing like a squeaky toy when I pick her up
She also allows me to segregate Charlie even tho she runs after him
It’s new to her
Probably hurts
She knows she wants it but she don’t
And Charlie be down there doing things that should be behind closed doors
But she could rip his head off when she is thru
And that’s the reality of adopting two Syrian hamsters from different stores
Male and female
Of breeding age
It’s almost like I needed enrichment in my life
Trying to keep two hamsters from killing one another or falling in-love
They said she was spicy so I named her after a sweet flower
Daisy seems to have already taken to her name
She knows not to bite me….
She’s learning her new HABs
She’s met Charlie 4 times – and he was ready to extend the family right away
They have been grooming one another
Licking and sniffing
Lots of face-to-face stare offs
Nose touches
Could be love or war
She’s not as fit? It was her first time on a 10 inch or 8 inch wheel. They had a saucer at the store
Prob used it to lay on
Charlie has a friend now but she could be a killer so I won’t leave them alone
I know I shouldn’t be buying hamsters while dying and not even having the correct HAB setup
But now my life has purpose
Can’t move into my Noah phase if the ark is empty
Back to the basics
They say I am a child that never grew up
So I got a hammy
Logical
(And I know you love me even more)
(But you don’t know why)
(Cuz you fucking hate me and will never speak again)
Had to put him in a second box cuz he chewed thru his first despite adding bedding, treats, and some food.
Charlie is my new best friend and has not once tried to bite.
He did flip over playing dead a couple times briefly and I was like “I didn’t mean to startle you” and he would just sniff my hand and go back to chewing thru the box
Eventually he did escape, I looked down and he was in the buggy
I was like, “Charlie!!!” “that’s not safe”
And he let me pick him up and snuggle him
He made it home safely and started exploring his living room den
He had water, he relocated his entire bowl of food under his den, where he also moved some straw as well as took breaks to eat the straw, before moving strands to the basement zone
Now Charlie is resting under the den and he has not even seen his bedroom double layer mansion – he’s already worked so hard
The mansion in the box…
I have insomnia so I got a nocturnal creature
Makes total sense
But I fell in-love with Charlie even tho I was going in for a mini newborn Black Bear hamster
I got a 14 month adult Teddy Bear hamster instead
I knew upon our afternoon meeting yesterday, while you were stuffing your greedy little face, that you were the one
I also bought you the exact shit you like plus shit you ain’t never tried
I think your basement needs more but also I gotta install your toilet in the mansion
That’s right, your mansion comes with its own bathroom
And the two-story mansion + roof with tunnel – is in my bedroom
So you can keep me up all night stirring
And we can sleep during the day like vampires since I can’t do much anything else
Charlie was the first to say hi
And I was okay with getting an adult
Charlie needed a home and was ready to go
Like we only got one life
Charlie was ready for his purpose even if I am dying…
Many videos were uploaded on the TikTok if you wanna see him exploring his new environment
And got in trouble trying to share a prescribed medicine!?!?
Go on then, penalize me…
I got more than ghosts under my bed…
Not covered by my insurance
But I ain’t scratching on bullets yet
If you are confused, I started a new treatment plan that my Primary doc put me on – it’s new – she has been to training on it – i didn’t have to go to the animal feed – and she said ID would prob not be on board (infectious disease like on ET) – only ID stated “you’re not suppose to take it that long” and I replied “I’m not ready to lose you or my medicine” but she refilled it and said she’d see me again in 2-3 months
It’s informed consent and my family don’t give a fuk and prob wish I’d hurry up and die – so i am taking my time – plus you’re my ride or die?
I blog. I’m a blogger. The spacebar NEVER works. The ai is DUMB. I want a polaroid. And now Gen Y leave their tech at the door… cuz I said I wanted a tech-free zone *rolls eyes* and now they have made a way to turn that idea viral
i hate u
sometimes
More times than not
Always stealing my ideas and making them better
Fucking snobs
Got some low dose something or another instructed to take at bedtime
It ain’t bedtime yet
Doc said it cures cancer
And the FEDS knocked down the door of the guy who made it and stated it? And she can’t get anyone in the VA to listen
I said “go on…
ID said i ain’t suppose to take it that long
But I mean it’s this or Mt Everest
Which means Utah cave crawling and I made them turn the light on for my MRI….
Prob Mt Everest
Ahh too late tho they changed the rules
Can’t go there to die (officially)
I ain’t going to Switzerland and getting in no death pod
Psst… it ain’t done yet. It takes about a decade to make this meal. But I always make it different and so I call it “witches stew”. Stew because I leave the veggies whole or chunky.
It smells like it will devour your soul (in a good way).
It’s very rare to find a woke doc inside the VA but i’ve done did
And this is HUGE
the fact that it is in my records officially as a vaccine injury – despite the informed consent and non-traditional forms of treatment
And my new doctor has forbidden me to eat any meat or dairy (this should please the vegan?)
CARRAGEENAN FREE
I’m not allowed – furthermore – she removed me from my protein shake regime that the nutritionist had put me on – it has carriage in it or something (I’m not correcting the AI)
(More info I was given about my vaccine injury)
She was waving a book around, “i can’t get the VA on board, it’s not FDA approved, but you won’t need to go to the feed store”
And of course, I’ll have to pay out of pocket for the treatments
I won’t repeat everything said but it makes us sound super paranoid – but she unplugged from the Matrix
I specifically asked do I need to give up my medicinal and she said no
New treatment plan
She stated the international markets are okay to shop at, she specifically mentioned “black rice”
And now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even had black rice?
But you know, Walmart tried to kill me while I was paying for a membership
And it’s not hearsay๏ฟผ because they sent me two emails telling me I was potentially exposed to E. coli and heavy metals
But to finally get someone inside, the VA to ACKNOWLEDGE and treat me for vaccine injury is huge, she also mentioned cancer
She doesn’t want it turning into cancer
I’m still losing weight but my labs look good, my kidneys, my liver
I’m on 10% energy – vaccine injury
(it is a side effect) ๏ฟผ(i’m not lazy)
I gotta give up the meat and the cheese, but I can keep the weed (legally)
๏ฟผno processed foods and I gotta go back in a few months. I didn’t see any mention of coffee on the list so we’re gonna have to have that discussion soon because I need to know, can I have coffee still?
Important stuffs
Anyway, I’m not in remission yet but my doctor has hooked me up with a connect ๏ฟผthat’s gonna get me ivermectin and I don’t gotta go to the feed store.
There’s also the long list from Amazon that I need to shop
Once I get my hands on the goods, and we’re looking roughly $300+ to start, and that’s not counting the grocery shopping for “the good food items”
Bananas are best when they’ve gone bad (you know when they’re mushy) that’s when they’re highest in whatever it was she said that was in there that I need (fiber?)
And I’m absolutely not allowed to do any more amoxicillin, she says that destroys my gut health
Cuz I broke out in a rash from the 2000mg that the dentist gave me
And had a two day migraine
She said cereal is bad
I’m not allowed cereal
I gotta get my diet under control if I don’t wanna die
(In summary: i don’t wanna die)
Oh you stayed?
From right now – no filter (but I swear they apply some sort of ugly filter when you don’t use a filter at all to try to force you to use a filter instead, but then I look in the mirror and I think it’s worse)
Ack
I’m going to a salon soon and I’m gonna see if they can remove some of these sunspots from my face and wrinkles (how much does Botox cost? Should I get a breast implant? Should I just pay off my ride?)
Byeee for now (and I really really really wanna catch up on y’all’s blogs. I really do. I really wanna go for a walk around the neighborhood. There’s so much I would like to be able to do and I just can’t?)
And I’m not autistic so you can let him know I’m not autistic but I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 16
I can see your halo Far beyond the payload Where you might implode Your sanity erode
I can see your halo Written in lost code Changing course the road Where you rest below
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
The unsinkable Titan
Photo doesnโt belong to me but neither does my hard-earned money.
And Iโm finding my most viral videos uploaded on YouTube without my permission, without any payment, without any request of use, without any way to message or contact those using my work, without having downloads turned on for anyone to use at will.
I film a particular way – when Iโm shooting the sea, or whatever Iโm filming.
Itโs all a fucking shitshow and I need 100k followers or something to turn โtipsโ on.
Recently someone wanted to send me $200 – but they also have invited me to โlive freeโ at one of their condos they own.
Nothing about my life sounds safe or too good to be true.
Furthermore, I had to delete my PayPal, Cash App, and Venmo accounts due to spam and whatnot cuz not even my money is safe.
Banks are shutting down. Billionaires are being offed or are maniacally suicidal risk takers, at the expense of our tax dollars.
Iโm not even certain if the IRS is legal.
And the Lie House is funneling our money to criminals in the Ukraine and God knows where else.
I finally put a work order in to service the AC for mold.
Cuz maintenance is always โI donโt smell any moldโ but Iโm fucking still breaking out in hives, either from a nervous fucking breakdown or actual moldy conditions not noticeable โitโs in the wallsโ reviews will sayโฆ
And I havenโt smoked any weed since May – so Iโm past the two week window but it takes a minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD (Cannabis User Disorder) and I still have brain fog.
Iโm doing a lot of cleaning tho – and I actually do my laundry and put it away immediately, a slight miracle to not be sleeping next to clean clothes.
I still have no furniture and sleep on the floor and I made another clothing purchase – albeit I slept on the decision first – like I nearly always do.
And even tho the flash code of 25% had already ended, it was still valid further sealing the deal.
Iโm obsessed with Dolls Kill boutique and hunt down the cotton stuff, though have bought a few cute sets that were poly blends.
I also got house thangs and shoes which Iโll likely never wear and will stay in the boxโฆ
Iโm pushing myself to go skating despite the hives and nervous breakdowns.
I bought bath rugs and kitchen oven mits from DK – cuz obsessed
And sales + discount codes on top of sales
You should see the jogger setโs Iโve scored and maybe one day you will
I think Iโm looking less hideous than my recent TikTok posts but at least Iโm not lying on the bottom of the seafloor in pieces.
So thereโs that.
It feels nice getting things in the mail other than spam and bills.
I canโt opt out of the spam and the US post office is selling our data, just like I learned Papa Johnโs was doing – so I deleted my account (like 2 or 3 years ago) and basically stopped supporting big business.
I should be allowed to order pizza without my data being sold.
I hate (even worse) how society is ran now.
All the pencil dick dictator leaders brownnosing Big China – who wants to nuke us and have us live in fear 24/7
I had another nightmare last night, this time trying to escape zombies.
Iโve not been watching any horror movies or zombie things.
My nightmares always consist of me trying to escape something and finding myself in a closure I cannot escape.
Whether it be a room with no windows or doors, or something else. Itโs always the climax I wake up on.
Have to reassure myself, โpew, it was only a dreamโ
I was consistently going down – hills – roads – grass – indoor walkways at incredible speeds all while trying to avoid the numerous zombies coming after me.
My dreams are always fucking nightmaresโฆ
It doesnโt help that the Devil is always after me when Iโm awake
I hope I leave the house for something other than food or doctors visits of medical malpractice
Maybe to do something within the community like church or skating
But then I risk the chance of catching Covid or some other disease being spread with malicious intent and purpose
People are always coughing
I literally roll up my car window when I hear a bystander or another rider coughing
My immune system was compromised
I just wanna be home
But this donโt feel like home
It feels like a deathtrap
Just like the unsinkable Titan
TITANic
I take a shit ton of vitamins like immunity support supplements that I have to order from a different country cuz everything is poisoned here
Iโm trying to fix my eating habits
And Iโm still obsessed with his stories
Which are probably responsible for my nightmares
(I blame war FYI)
My laundry is almost done and Iโm craving a shopping dopamine boost
โWe have everything we need bbโ
โI know but I really want itโ
โOkay but this is the last timeโ
โIโm almost done getting the things I need and at least Iโm spending lessโ
โWe get paid soon againโ
*sigh*
โOkay but just one more thingโฆโ
I got rid of everything in my life cuz I hated it and told myself we could replace it with things we want/need
Iโm in replacement mode but refuse to buy a bed or furniture until I move
The neighbors make me wanna do bad things
The city drives me insane
The entire earth could be Eden but naw, invasive species left and right
โThis country was founded on immigrationโ and they vote with malicious intent and purpose
I may like your stories but I know you voted for Biden and I want to punch you
Iโm still homicidal and suicidal but Iโm no longer signing waivers
The alarms are calming Saw someone was coming The fourth numbing My faith is humming Battle axe now summing
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved.
I was trained to not run out into danger, โplay deadโ when overtook
โDonโt become a casualty yourselfโ
โDonโt play heroโ
โMake sure the scene is safeโ
โTriageโ
โRationโ
โDefenseโ
โOne shot, one killโ
Targets chest and head
= dead dead
Never failed at range
Range was at least twice a year – not just Basic Training
โTrained killerโ
The Army imprinted on me
You never lost my stripes
Just my sense of direction and uniforms
Which I can replace with ones that fit
I can wear my uniforms anytime anywhere
And you will address me as my title if I am in such role
Deal with it
VETS MATTER
But go on and keep pissing in the Veterans memorial and getting Walmart closed down
The alarms bring a sense of calm
Iโll use it to my advantage instead of having a ptsd meltdown
Iโm looking entirely natural and cute while going out – most people are treating me nicer – Iโm seeing loads more BLM who want to unalive me – including the children who wanna pop us (and 3 teenagers were just charged with killing a white person)
Iโm not ready to die, Iโm fighting for my life
This fucking cancer is eating me alive
Go on and make fun of my body again – even though I work out – I donโt live in the gym – but I donโt sleep all day (or at all?)
Going weapons shopping soon ๐
Gotta lay low for now
My rent is cheap as fuck – I donโt call this home – itโs hell and cheap for a reason – but I canโt flee yet – or would let them have this place – which is being gentrified – the cop Sunday said this whole town is bad.
But Iโll let you know how it goes – Amazon is full of snake oil – same with products at Walmart or Walgreens or Dollar General – bunch of added junk that causes cancer
So – found a holistic center in the UK – they have other supplements that may be better suited for your health or dietary needs
Iโm growing food in my window (either chive, chamomile, sunflower, or basil) – mystery seeds provided by my library – and now I have 4!
I was worried they might be cold, so I put their little โblanketsโ on.
I have 4 โmystery plantsโ provided by my library, growing currently and if I succeed on growing herbs then maybe Iโll move on to carrot and cabbage
They get spring water and sunlight and fresh airs and lots of love
I have pots to put them in, when and if I sort how to relocate them. They sleep in them at night, tucked with their little covers for warmth and moisture.
HEAT
And spring water ๐
I wasnโt sure when to feed them so give them drops with the rain
And breakfast/lunch/dinner timeframes if needed
They donโt starve
They wake up to pretty bird singing and me saying โgood morningโ
Him: so what do you like to do
Me: Talk to my plants and care for them better than my mother cared for meโฆ
I donโt know what the odds are of growing one of each. I grabbed bags on different days.
I donโt know what the odds that I can grow anything at all
But I was born to do it neener neener
Just donโt wanna leap from the bridge when my crop dies or my weed runs out (FYI)
Iโm not renewing my card stash but I might cuz I found sungrown in the ground with the sun and trademarked! They tell you where the strain comes from! Florida or Amsterdam etc – there is waayyy less packaging and they treat their shop like a medicinal shop instead of recreational. Did I mention they grow stuff in the ground with the sun?
Makes a difference and it works! I still want to quit and my card expires on 4/19, right as all the good deals are coming in.
I donโt have to worry about fentanyl laced products and this is legal and no I wonโt share or buy you any (get yer own card$)
Not Delta 8
I still want to quit but this is the stuff that works
Also not seen – vape pens & 2 free pre-rolls I scored
Today I turned on the radio and got lost in 90s alternative and metal doom
I was like THIS IS THE SHIT
I AINโT DYING LIKE BOB
I havenโt used up my allotment yet and still have 2 days of potential relapse shopping to do
There went the rent money honey
(I scored it ridiculously cheap and am having a panic that I wonโt be able to top up without my card)
(Iโll be racing to the doctor, help, hurry, my card expired)
(So I was trying to avoid that scenario by spending my savings)
I hate me but a little less today because the weed is working
I donโt think Iโve ever had this much weed in one sitting before but alas itโs the apocalypse and Iโm trying to quit an addiction
Iโm feeling less homicidal off the Curaleaf Russian cloned โthe state wonโt let us grow it in the groundโ junk
Only 2 in that stack isnโt โsungrownโ and the fact that they had to โTMโ their products
Stay away from Curaleaf
I found โsungrownโ at GrowHealthy but I donโt know who owns it
But I like that they have LOCAL herbs – grown right here in the โsunshine stateโ
I picked up another โmystery plantโ today – making this number 4
Heโs in the mini tin in the windowsill and already had some delicious spring water
I have 4 pots to put them in once they mature but I have no idea how to move them – and still – with directions – couldnโt make the โpaper potโ
Also scored more seeds for my land – once owned. These are non GMO, USA seeds. Added some spicy peppers to my collection!
Him: what sort of things do you need?
Me: a goT damn garden
Sungrown
*sigh*
The other store was selling โhead spaceโ at a luxury price and all hydroponic crap (which made me want to gut Bob and I was like โbut whyyyyyyโ)
Today I enjoyed music again (with the help of โsungrownโ TM)
Iโm hoping I turn my apartment into a food jungle but why am I afraid of plants and all of this?
Like putting a seed into dirt, sun, spring water and watching it turn into food that will nourish me
Like woah
Thatโs more than my mother did
Anyhoo
Bath time and cannoliโs
I needed something to regret wasting my money on other than weed
I started with a pot of spring water in a glass pot
Filled it with lots of wild rice (red, purple, black, brown, white) and green split peas
I dropped in a couple of my cinnamon spice sticks (secret ingredient for any stew) – along with many other spices and herbs
An entire onion (farm fresh), rosemary, thyme, salt with the necessary nutrients, pepper, a touch of the good olive oil
I also added yellow split pea, and lentil to accompany the green
Potatoes and tomatoes ๐
And I started a 3rd mystery plant – provided by my local library. These are edibles Iโm growing – and hope to add them to my special soups! Iโve never grown anything indoors before – or in a windowsill
But I have a lot of unused space in my apartment – as well as sunlight – a desire to learn – and a hungry belly for real food (not poisoned)
So now I got the โ3 librasโ growing in my dirty window
Homemade vegan soup (from scratch) with warm bread
The soup turned out amazing, I also added green bean and a small tin of tomato sauce for color, and will be keeping the tin to sprout some new seeds.
I added homemade pepper sauce to kick up the heat (summer sweats)
One day maybe Iโll have a husband that chases after my food instead of a prostitute
But for now Iโm eating the entire pot of gold
โYou said not to spend it honey, you did not say not to melt it and turn it into flakesโ
(Please donโt hurt me like Bob)
Heart symbol
P.S. the vegan vegetable chunky soup took hours to simmer! Might make a fresh pot of cornbread for the leftovers tomorrow! Might can squeeze a third day/meal if Iโm lucky! Itโs very hearty and fulfilling! I was out of carrot! Make you a stew! Donโt wait until winter!
Cooking and fitness is part of my purpose. It may be โboringโ but itโs healing my heart and giving me more time.
Iโve ghosted God Down in the thick fog Sent him a note Called self a fraud
Iโve ghosted God My love is broad Yellow like a goldenrod Quarantined but outlawed
Iโve ghosted God Go ahead applaud Turn your head and nod I am a hotshot
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal.
Chill out. I talk to God daily. Iโm just quarantined. I donโt want him to see me. Itโs just a poem.
Baby squirrel brought a boy squirrel around. He had nuts. Sheโs maybe a few months old, him too. Heโs timid and shy. Her pp did not have nuts. Now Iโm not an expert on squirrel biology or anything – but sheโs probably going to have babies.
They love whatever I feed them.
Lizard climbed the drain pipe to the roof, he also jumped and climbed the tall palm tree. I was amazed by lizardโs skills, not getting blown away by the wind, or eaten by a big bird
The neighbors think Iโm wacko
I donโt think they can see the wildlife the way I do
Red bird has been appearing so I took her some seeds
They are eating my own personal organic stash of nuts, rice, seeds, all the things
Gonna make them some peanut butter treats soon – the butter with nuts n seeds rolled in balls. Just for them.
Nothing that I put out stays out
Itโs foraged immediately
I like bonding with nature
But I have to deal with the hellhound now
He drains my energy like a black hole
I figured out how to put the blinds in such a way that I can see out too much – but you canโt see in from the sidewalk
Insects are animals – even those bugs we hate – I bet they were huge back in the day – but the elite love dropping bombs and depleting our o2 (and thus size)
Bonds come in many forms / the way the sun warms / love arriving in thunderstorms / ghosting has become the norms \
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal.
TMI below – be warned
I put my 30% towards my 20% so Iโm definitely not doing it right but the โgovernmentโ stole half my retirement savings during my disassociation through the pandemic and now Iโm seeking alternative means to โsaveโ in such ways where I donโt have such โeasy accessโ such as a regular savings (which also got depleted, and the jeep wants every penny cuz she donโt have a trustworthy mechanic in this town) – so the rent and electric was paid – and I looked into gym membership prices (they keep adding on fees) and I doubt anyone cleans that sweaty equipment and folks canโt stop touching their privates, Iโm fine working out from home in my extra bedroom that I donโt know what to do with (fortunate even in the slums) – not to mention – the new carpet was hard fought and won and I wound up securing a baby EE at that historic rate – and I will be nearly 65 when it doubles in value. Being suicidal homicidal and giving the government my money is fun!!!
They already stole half of my retirement but itโs still drawing interest and I refuse to move it to any other zones (unless to withdraw) (with penalty) (fuck you)
They stole half my moneyzzz and have the audacity to want to charge me 30% to get it all.
Again, fuck you.
Not to mention the state gave me an addiction and I donโt want them getting my 30%. Nor the gym, the terrible service at the fast food shops, nor the clothing retailers selling highly flammable polyester clothing (extremely hard to extinguish) (I canโt even find small cotton panties at Victoriaโs Secret – who are stealing from their customers with their high interest rates)
Jesus wore a cotton robe because it didnโt cause cancer
Furthermore, they are putting cancer causing and hormonal disrupters in the tampons and hygiene pads – and tho Iโm still ovulating, I cry that the vaccine made me sterile
The thought that man stole my life and generations – and they have – because my grandmother had 12 children and Iโve never been married and the divorce rate is over 85%
Men hate women
Men want love with prostitutes (according to the latest studies)
If you donโt let me have my acre of land – far away from civilization – there will be dire consequences and no remorse
Now, I already have a baby I bond but part of me desperately wanted to hook an EE too – especially knowing it is a fixed rate
Itโs weird saving for a future you donโt believe will exist or that you will have
But what is worse, giving all my money to the medicinal shop when I donโt wanna
Me: โweโre supposed to have 30% to play withโ
Also me: โyeah well fuck you. You have new carpet, roll around and wallowโฆโ
My apartment got new carpet!
I need plants growing. Big beautiful greenery. I like gym equipment that doesnโt require electricity. Upgrading the rebounder potentially. I want a white noise machine. And a big timer or stopwatch for the wall – one that doesnโt require electricity (is that possible)
Maybe even a large wall calendar to track my rebounding – instead of the regular calendar from the library that Iโm currently using
A calendar without advertising – and just the dates/times
The old bookshelf will have plants growing – eventually – instead of the items currently on it
I got rid of all my storage – I donated my couch and dresser, basically kept my โseatingโ stools and benches of sorts – donated the bed!
I am not spending money on furniture, no.
This is not home. This is a curse.
Lots of people lost their lives and homes during the Great Invasion, I nearly lost mine, Iโm having nightmares
The new carpet improved my mental health
They wanted $15 dollars for a fucking cotton mop – not even a wood handle – fuck you
I kept the receipt in case it breaks during โelbow greaseโ and I will try not to turn into the Incredible Hulk if it does.
Cinderella was on her knees for a reason. She didnโt want to chase her tail in a circle buying snake oil from the demons at the supermarket.
โHereโs your crappy product backโ – I wasted gas/time/energy while you gut America. Fuck you
And now my therapist is censoring topics discussed during group therapy. Laughs
Fucking grateful for the new carpet tho
I think carpet should be abolished
But grateful that I can invite God to step on my floor
I could answer the door if he knocked
Itโs doubtful I would answer, thereโs too much shame
Iโm coming off my period and I wanted to have a family so badly
I remind myself women go until 50 (until I check the census and read articles about how weโre having less – but they are having more)
Iโm going extinct like the dinosaur
Also, Britain is now at 60% – so they too are the minority, having lost power and position, and many of us are ready to fight back for what we had
Hear, hear
Some say karma
But I am both Native American and white and I want what is mine
I read Mexicanโs and Chinese identify as โwhiteโ
Oh yeah
Bleaching yer skin eh
I might go blonde soon myself
Want to look my absolute best while ghosting every man
And hope they cross my shadow so I can defend my right to exist
Still – men are illegally filming my ass when Iโm out and about – disturbingly
Men will follow me and chase me to my car
No means no
Also, because my lightsource is incredibly scarce and rich, these demons show themselves immediately everywhere
They all wanna blow my house down
God dammnit how am I supposed to quit weed?
Me: pays bills then dumps every cent into propoganda
WELPS
But I have access to the other thing too easily and the jeep wants it
Iโm speaking to someone as if he understands what Iโm saying
He thinks me being autistic is like a crime (I thought he wanted hillbilly babies)
Anyhoo, it just means Iโm an oracle
Iโm angelic
Iโm different
Than them
โI see dead peopleโ (and talk to them)
Googly eyes
I am less sick these days but still sick
So the quarantine remains (even for God)
(No you canโt come in)
(I donโt want you to see me this way)
(Stop looking)
(Thatโs still looking)
I get the entire weekend to ponder my existence
Iโd like to write more
People are starting to get โautomatic commentsโ on WordPress for business proposals. WordPress sold out and this should be illegal.
I desperately want somewhere to reach you, Iโm losing ground.
โThis offer is automatically generatedโ. Just remember that as you dump money into WP.
Automation should be a crime
AI is the enemy
Asian Americans identity as โChinese American and honor Chinese culture onlyโ
They come here and destroy our way of life
These nihilists, they are destroying anything God made, and creating โmanmade artificial in placeโ – to own you
Does God know the story just from the composition of the cloud. When Iโm in doubt? A double rainbow hanging about. Can God see drought?
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal.
PS.
New carpet arrived. Itโs almost like moving but not.
Iโve learned to hate eating out
They reduce the size but charge you more
A tiny cup of ice for $3.99
A kid size
Two sips, gone
Cup oโ ice please for $4.50
I wonโt be back
I yelled at the โbossโ of the medicinal shop: โIโm quittingโ and complained about the overuse of plastic and paper and waste. He replied โthe governmentโ and I yelled โI donโt give a fuck about the governmentโ
I care about the rain forest and weed becoming the new plastic problem
Big Pharma and Big weed love to ruin our environment. Enough is enough!!! I will fight this addiction harder!!!!!!! I will not vote to legalize recreational and regret voting for medicinal. I will never vote again (my therapist says Iโm polarized)
I tried to fire her but she wouldnโt go
I was like, Iโm trying to quit weed
The state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose
She said, โIโm in it for the long haulโ
But what part of โIโm ready to jump from a bridgeโ or โescape society and disappear foreverโ is hard to understand?
I fucking talk to the Sun
I still want to look at it tho Iโm not supposed to
โNot far enough down yetโ (midday wearing prescribed tints mind you)
Then I researched why I need to get a look
And learned Galileo nearly went blind taking a peek at the sun with a telescope and no filter – he never quite recovered
In hindsight itโs like duh but otherwise I get it, I do dumb shit like that
Iโve always wanted to look through a telescope but Iโm an invasive frog eating stage 2 food for 17 years, until I get stuck in my environment. I would have looked at the sun too, no filter, gone blindish.
But why do I want to stare at it? Just let me have a look!!!!
Iโve never seen the moon through a telescope
Iโm never speaking to another man again
You stole my life
My fitness/stretching room
Iโm having nightmares about the dog going on the floor.
Heโs on house arrest and not allowed anywhere – but enjoys his walks more and time on my bed instead of his crib – which isnโt bad.
Itโs either follow the rules or the death warrant is being signed – I mean the โdying on a good dayโ.
He wants to live to 12. Heโs trying.
But he ainโt allowed anywhere. Iโm having fucking nightmares. Just need a clean space. I even cleaned the trim and walls (easier than painting).
My cheap curtains from Aldi are hanging up with tape until I get proper hardware
Sometimes I want to move into my fitness room. And the living room is barren. I donated/trashed/sold everything (95%).
4 pack of nightlights on clearance was cheaper than 1 tiny candle – and it also has improved my mental health.
Who knew it took the dog not pissing on the carpet
Not to mention, the carpet was old and outdated and not like the showroom unit. I fought so hard to get the carpet replaced!
I start group therapy soon and my therapist is censoring what Iโm allowed to talk about โin groupโ FYI.
So, the one person who was participating in group therapy will now attend but not really participate, FYI.
Iโm trying to get in a mental and physical state where I can work from home – and luckily programs exist for me to attempt this.
At the state and federal level for veterans.
I donโt have a desktop computer, my phone is broken and thereโs not enough space to update and itโs too hard to delete photos in a main album and I donโt want 5g and despite buying and spending hundreds of dollars on both a new phone and refurbished MacBook Air – the phone and laptop are no longer compatible and Iโm not dropping thousands of dollars every 2 years to upgrade my devices. Iโm done!!!
WordPress is dead and the only reason it has active users or X amount of the network is because universities and students now use it and businesses. They donโt need us.
The charts do show WP declining
They basically acted like Instagram and Twitter and sold-out and the users who made it what it was were punished
We said we didnโt like the Block editor, it was forced on us anyway! Surprise!
I donโt want to jump from platform to platform.
I was humiliated at the previous carpet – and though I wouldnโt let God eat from my kitchen, he could walk on my floor now. And sleep (like me).
Iโd rather not have carpet at all – but new modern clean carpet has improved my mental health – despite the nightmares.
I also dropped $15 for a cotton mop and I hope it doesnโt break when I give it some โelbow greaseโ. Apparently people just push dirt aroundโฆ
Walmart has become too expensive to shop from and hopefully the handle doesnโt give me cancer – everything else sold there has a cancer warning
The candles there are poison
Like the food and exercise equipment
My Jeep is having problems again and I gotta tell my girl goodbye
I think the mechanics are fucking with her though – with malicious intent and purpose
Having a car is too expensive these days – thought I could enjoy one after spending 6 years paying her off. Apparently not. These monsters are obsessed with the latest model and will force you into slavery of every kind.
My fucking small clothes are baggy on me.
I like having the windows open and the light shining through
I kept all 3 mirrors and opted to put the 2 in my fitness room
They have wire to hang – but alas on the floor they remain
I spent thousands of dollars on beds over the years – never really enjoyed one more than 2 months. Surprisingly, my spine likes the clean floor.
This carpet is a lighter color too, and my lease was renewed.
The neighbors hate me more now (updated carpet).
Iโm making 2 ingredient cookies soon. My first time. Of course, Iโll add flax and oats and loads of other ingredients (but sugar, no sugar) so they will be more than โ2 ingredientsโ in the end.
But peanut butter and eggs are all you need (to make โsugar freeโ)
Iโm adding unsweetened coconut flakes, oats, flax, white chocolate, peanuts, and probably other proteins. Crunchy peanut butter sugar free cookies (experimental first try)
Should I create an Instagram to โsocializeโ? Iโm not very good at it (autistic) but am trying to be a good humanz.
I take pictures of carpet and squirrels.
New carpet in my space! (Living room)
And I want to grow lots of plants – so will use free non GMO seeds from the seed library at the local hub. I will do my best to minimize costs of startup. Plants help you breathe.
I think going into hiding is best.
What do you think?
Dining room carpet replaced! Mental health boost!
I have a place I rent / but itโs not really where I live / a city of cement / regret, prayer, lament
Youโre off chasing rainbows where the rain wonโt shine Youโll love in time My hand is aging Like hope is tied Sun leans in raging Petrified
My love, In the universe, spheres arenโt really spheres Innocuous Joy reflect as fears Lingering Like how you disappear You are gone – So how are you here?
Iโm not marriage material Iโm grounds for divorce Iโll stick to my high horse
GARAGE SALE: Please buy my things I overspent Iโll overprice it Itโs not magnificent
If itโs Made in China Iโve gotten rid of it The entire toolkit Sent it back to orbit Omitted Ejected from the cockpit Calling bullshit Burn it in the pit Claim counterfeit Propaganda lightening skin hypocrite Brown-nosing misfit Yellow fever transmit Iโm sick of it
Weakened Lost spirit Gifts? Forget it Remorse? Acquitted
I come without bond Broken Look inside Heart ainโt coping
Like leaping ledge Just barely hoping Your foot will land With surface sloping
Opposition disappearing Dangerous dictatorship Communist country Iโm growing hungry Purposeful spread the virus I read in silence
The holes stop healing when you die Like all feeling disappearing After you cry
Dear Mother, You are cold war. And Father, your mentor. Though coldness, speak no more.
Father, You are ice age Swimming in the current Of my full rage Father, you are first plague
Mother, You are cold war. A six foot hole I am searching for. Like a backdoor.
And fatherโs picture? An eyesore.
Copyright ยฉ 2023 PoeEternal.
Postscript: Mirrors hold negative energy and the creams I was using cause โspots or burnsโ and I cry so much seeing myself in the mirror that Iโve now moved all mirrors from my bedroom, intend to get rid of or cover the others, am not allowed to wash my face with tap or shower water, per official government guidelines, and the cream I was using to not weather in the sun, in fact, made me weather in the sun, and so bottles are being thrown out, mirrors destroyed, tears finding unholy ground. But Iโm still collecting seeds from the seed library (Iโm half-alive hoarding dreams).
I wasnโt scared, I was sick.
And Iโm still fighting off the devil.
And the urge of mass murder and suicide.
Have you seen the amount in the news?
Also, The Great Replacement theory is real.
I fell deeper in hell.
Two banks have been shut down.
Iโve stopped disassociating (and looking in the mirror).
Iโm superstitious and see demons everywhere.
I need him to contact me.
Never mind the blocks (for his own protection)
Brian Cox is a pedophile faggot and – in his very own words – called a 38 year old man โoldโ.
He loves a brilliant young mind
Men hate women or anything natural or God like and are obsessed with their own creations such as AI, lab made cats and dogs, and say women have done nothing to contribute to society and are only good for childbearing
According to current studies, most married men want love with a prostitute (gag) (throws up in mouth)
I literally daydream of leaping off a bridge and that ainโt right
Fuck everything
Fuck you
Iโll be back at the library collecting seeds cause it fits in with my goals and values
Iโm drifting buddy
*cries*
America is collapsing
Iโm not racist but simultaneously hate everyone (unless good)
(Iโm barely good)
(Hate self)
Pro tip: mirrors cause negative self-image and hold negative energies. Get rid of them. Stop looking. Now go off and be a good witch.
Happy cursing
Iโm casting one soon on so-in-so
A tiny box with a mirror and his name sealed with a burnt black candle buried in the swamp
Poem coming soon. Cuz sometimes your environment makes you sick. I looked into it.
I can read between the fine print.
I was making 65k annually before the government hiring freeze.
Before the manmade pandemic. Before the immigrants stole my job. Then poisoned me with their snake oil.
I’ve been hanging out in a dark void. I can assemble their wicked thoughts.
I see dead people. Without souls. Demons congregating.
The boomers and LGBT working at the library treat me like a thief – cuz I’m genz – woken – and not under their godforsaken spell.
The next time grandpa overuses his power – by staring me down five minutes as I decide on a title to check out – I’ll walk over to the cop and ask him to please ask the worker to stop sexually harassing me with his eyes.
I’ll just skip the chain-of-command, and kick him directly in the balls. Hypothetically with humiliation.
And Mrs Boomer hates scheduling for classes – people miss those – so I’m gonna start – not even cancel.
After spending thousands of dollars at the medicinal shop, the clerk decided to count her tip money before I approached, I thought, look at this righteous cunt, how dare thee.
I’ve swore off my weed spending. The detoxification starts soon – cold turkey – as that was my last bill or tip ever.
So the front office approved my new carpet request for renewal – but the replacement is closer to April – my renewal time.
I also have to vacate for a few days – I requested new paint too – but the carpet was the big ticket item I was fighting for – and won. Donโt have to pay anything to have it replaced, so if they donโt paint, I can do that myself. I forgot to ask about the walls, the carpet was the main thing.
I literally would not renew without fresh carpet.
Iโm going on six years here.
And, a bunch of units will be vacant soon – and redone – they are letting go of residents apparently. In my building.
New neighbors, new carpet, maybe another lease renewal. I mean, my carpet was approved.
New paint on the walls.
New lighting.
Clean space.
Sanitized.
Do I want out of this God forsaken city? Yes.
Do I want to be homeless? No.
Moving is extremely challenging currently – in an inflated economy – when literally no one returns your calls or emails.
Meanwhile, the place I live has a SIX MONTH waiting list.
And – Iโm under a homeowner buy program, Iโd be giving up several years progress of that.
I have a COE through my military service – an incentive I earned.
Checking out financing books at the library, gonna take advantage of the tools offered to vets for โfinancial counselingโ, basically starting over.
Right now itโs planning and prep for starting over.
And, thereโs big pieces of furniture to be junked – but the junk removal wanted to charge me $300 to remove maybe half a truck load – of not actual junk.
Iโll ask around the neighborhood if anyone wants a recliner leather couch (they will) or a glass table (likely so – that bitch weighs over 500 pounds)
I WANT NEW CARPET – I fought for it – the manager said itโs coming in like a month and a half – plus fairly certain she got me the fresh paint request too!
Iโm basically getting new grounds without leaving my grounds – but temporarily vacating for a few says – while maintenance does repairs!
So Iโm working on getting everything cleared out!!!!!
I also found out today that I am marriage material – while fighting with my doc
I just got back from an MRI
My doctor complained heโs got to stay over with his other patient because I squirmed and we had to reimage around 15 minutes worth – setting him behind
I said โoh booโ
โIโm dying. The immigrants stole my job, and Iโm not even marriage material. So I got more things to complain aboutโ
My doc undoing my IV
โWhy do you think youโre not marriage material” (he doesnโt let me answer)
โWell if you think itโs self-image, youโre wrongโ
This was the end session
But during the screening he mentioned I was โfairly youngโ and then โyoung stillโ a couple more times
Also when I had to put on scrubs, they barely fit Iโm so petite, I complained
He mentioned it was good, lots of โ400 pound vetsโ
So I got a few things going for me still apparently (Iโm doing an AAR – leave me alone)
1. Iโm fairly young still
2. Iโm petite
3. I am marriage material
Thatโs in scrubs that donโt fit, no makeup, oily hair (itโs being treated so itโs actually clean – Iโm deep cleaning my entire existence lol)
Yesterday my physical therapist doctor couldnโt keep his hands off (his job – stop hating just cuz it felt good)
โBro, why did you execute your wifeโ
โI didnโt like how the doctor was doing his jobโ
I must be a nice of fresh air from all the sickly dying vets
My sick and dying is still marriage material
I donโt know how someone pending surgery is marriage material but tis isโฆ
He said โfairly youngโ but I reminded him Iโm still ovulating and trying to โprotect the goodsโ despite โgetting on up thereโ
He was so trying to not look through his peripheral vision as I was leaving bless
I yelled at my doctor for making him late and not being marriage material – but he disagreed
I found out today that Iโm getting new carpet and marriage material
I want some new tattoos
Warriorโs get knocked down – and ye Iโm pending dying one day – but I ainโt in a wheelchair yet
I overheard one doc telling his patient โbut you gotta stop drinkingโ (he wonโt) but mine was high-fiving me and today another doc said I am marriage material
Thatโs what THE HAND implied
I long for a husband lol
Not one โrunning late to see his prostitutesโ
HONEY WORK CALLS
And they all busy with the kids..
No, get yer ass home!
That fucking hand
And the dream wasnโt even sexual you psychopath
You were just waiting for me to fuck up – *rolls eyes*
I am trying to fix my self-image – apparently itโs destroyed – I need new carpet and a tattoo.
Iโm probably juicing instead of surgery but holistic things cost a lot in an inflated market
I didnโt think I had any worth – but I got my 20 minutes in of rebounding today.
Small white girls are incredibly exotic
And desired
Iโm not even wearing earrings anymore
I have freckles and bags and worry lines
My peach must be made of platinum – atomic number 78 – and the year I was born
I want a new blog
But then, thereโs contending with the โrules for thee, not for meโ agenda everywhere I go
You read through the fine print?
We can change whatever we want – whenever we want – we donโt have to notify you
I canโt even delete my PS Sony account – like wtf
I thought I was swearing off men forever – not all women are gold-diggers, or cheaters.
And Iโd like to help some of those 400 pound vets not die
From their inflictions and addictions
Rebounding is saving my life
I was always in a leadership role
I need to find purpose with my life again
I just want updated things! I was completely left behind in society!!!!! Iโm allowed to complain!!! Stop silencing me! The complaint wasnโt about you or us!
I think you threw away whatever you threw away despite me trying to get you to move to my free account (now deleted)
โI donโt understand metaphorโ
Whatever helps you sleep at night
For me, new carpet would help. Iโd sleep on it. Instead of this terrible bed!
Itโs going in the trash bin!
Like everything in my life!!!!!!
Selling the ps4 and games at the pawn soon!!!!
Gonna cost nearly $200 for a 3 year commitment to a new blog, but generally $150 annually.
Even tho – most of the big cats have taken all the traffic.
Weโre paying to chase our tails
I just wanna write!
Itโs ridiculous I gotta pay extra to hide my identity from the web!
โPrivacy protectionโ
SCREAMS
And I went to Aldi for the first time – with a brain injury – unprepared
I want my own fucking yard
I donโt know how Iโm asking for much
The library hooked me up with some seeds
I have 8 or 9 new seeds to grow things in my windowsill or whatnot
Books checked out from the library
Apparently men are still interested in women my age – despite looking like Edgar Allan Poe did 5 minutes before he died.
Itโs very important to me to keep writing – God knows why (I wish heโd let me know)
I canโt just buy a domain anymore and hook it to a blog – you gotta get a plan – blah blah blah
But I already have a new identity
Bet I made the doc late for his dinner with his prostitute – or maybe he reserves Friday nights for โthe wifeโ
I like that we both yelled at each other but didnโt get mad
He still thought I was marriage material after scolding him for making him late for his next patient
Iโm so much drama in such a small frame
Need a hubbyโฆ
But heโll divorce me because I told the doctor โyes that feels goodโ
I bought cabbage and stuff to make soup
They threw enough โenergyโ at me to โheat things upโ and energy is radiation I think – had enough so getting offline now
Gonna be easier to let more things go tomorrow – knowing the new carpet is coming soon – getting my little apartment redone – might can survive the rest of the apocalypse
Keep praying for meโฆ
Trying to get back on my feet
Not a wheelchair – and Iโm happy for those who get the new top of the line ones!!!!
Not all disabilities are visible!!
The only way Iโd sign another year lease here – was to get the carpet replaced
Physical therapy has been scheduled for once weekly
So many vets coughing and being issued โCadillacโ wheelchairs – top of the line deathbeds – meanwhile – my new doctor is high-fiving me every step of the way – got knocked down – donโt intend to stay down.
Also – he was impressed with my rebounding results – and weโre focusing on core strength and conditioning – as well as stretching exercises.
Thereโs a program I was emailed – already downloaded the app *sigh* but my doc can keep up with my progress. You earn achievements.
Itโs better than a coffin in the ground.
Those Cadillac wheelchairs swivel, the seats. But itโs not enough incentive for me to die.
Walking cane is a weapon, I told the front desk jokingly. He concurred.
Cute psychotic homicidal bitch.
Love two boys exactly the same.
They both ghosted me.
Too much woman all petite
Canโt handle me
Iโm still recovering from not dying
18 months inโฆ
Doc was impressed with my quads
Tough little bitch
Told him โten minutes a dayโ and Iโm up to twenty – but ten is all you need
He said he had 4 girls
Bet heโs gonna get his wife rebounding and the fam ๐
He got on his computer, โthis is what you useโ
โYep, one of them. Mineโs a Gold Gym – does the trick – but they got some costing a grandโ
The fact that he looked up a rebounder tho ๐
Cuz the peach is looking rump – it works the core – no need for high jumps or tricks – itโs resistance training – and my heart is responding really well – thereโs zero impact to your joints – doesnโt upset my bones – and my physical therapist doctor did not instruct me to stop – and I appreciate he checked to understand the equipment I was using to get well.
But the peach ๐
Also, despite the protein increase intake, I am 111 pounds.
When laying on my stomach, my peach is peachy – round rump
Gotta keep going
He said, โyou go 20 without stoppingโ
And I said โyepโ
But explained how I had to work up to those minutes.
2 minutes to start, then 5.
10 a day is all you need – Iโm mostly 20. But do take an occasional rest day – and not fret.
I mark my calendar now, with the minutes jumped
Every step counts
My fucking heart hurts and itโs hard to breathe
But he taught me new stretches that actually help.
Got a good team now. Trying to be present.
The clerk made me a coffee before I left. From their personal stash. He poured a shit ton of cream in. He had the good stuff. LOL
Anyhoo
Would be hardluck dating currently
โNo sorry, busy that dayโ
And to find out itโs because Iโm actually metamorphosing or something
Or that I have a crush with my doctor
But then – I have a crush on too many men – and it seems to get me in trouble
(I donโt actually have a crush on him but he was cute despite his mask on)
Iโm professional. Chill.
Yesterday. All I saw was a white hand signaling me to cross – his SUV completely darkened – broad day – all I saw was a hand – it was just HOW he extended his hand for me to cross – the way it went down flat – in slow mo – as not to rush me – tho it takes trust obviously for these psychopaths not to run me over.
He liked my leggings presumably.
Even had a lady compliment me about them at the library
I was in such a depressed monotone state too – my attempt at being social felt awkward – like why did I have to speak other than โthank youโ
โI got them at the mallโ – as if only poor people dress like me (Iโm self-loathing but looking hella cute)
But she wanted to know which store
โOne of them seasonal shops in the middle, today is the last dayโ
Anyhoo – the way for him to signal for me to cross – like I had worth
Despite the cheap sandals
It requires effort and work to look like a professional fuck up
You donโt get a peach like this just being skinny
The quads are getting thick
The doc pointed out the strength
โThe reboundingโ, I exclaimed!
Been hard at it this year daily effort – and to be 20 minutes a day – still feeling the burn – but not needing to break for waterโฆ
You donโt need to spend loads of money getting equipment
I asked should I wear a belt or not
He advised against it, saying it makes the muscles โnot need to workโ
But he might be ordering me a ball (canโt remember the correct term) and some other thangs – just stated he didnโt want to overload me
Road to recovery continues
Need my mental health to catch up to my peach – heart still needs mending
Embarrassing, at my young age, got cardiopulmonary visits to attend
Told him, โthose fucking vaccinesโ
โCrawled into the second one the way John Jones kept crawling into that holeโ
So – he needed to know the condition of my heart before we proceeded with whatever we weโre going to do
He really improved my breathing with those stretches – love the detailed plan that was sent over – got some good doctors still
He didnโt have to order me a wheelchair, I got several high-fives, there may be hope for me yet ๐
โAfter youโ is all the hand implied
These fuckers are one pedal away from crazy, and I even crazier with the trust it takes to cross the street – or a running vehicle signaling me to go
But he was going so fast you know, I was willing to wait
โThe handโ insisted with its one sweep
Couldnโt even see a face – so hidden
No point in looking back – windows blacked out
He was in a hurry to get where he needed to go – until I had to cross
Probably liked the leggingsโฆ
Iโm basic and boring but like not
Top of the tier white trash
They forget they have yellow fever when they see me
I told my therapist that I did in fact have a plan b, but I wasnโt sure if it fell under planning, told her I have a mantra and motto now, โsuicide is humaneโ but that I got my library card instead of a gun – and I graduated to another group class – this one 8 weeks long.
Iโm like, โcan we at least wait until I find out if Iโm homeless or notโ and so that was pushed back to April thankfully (the classes)
I sat there holding that extra calendar this morning, until God said โsomeone will need itโ and I felt so awkward taking one solo calendar in – to place where other free shit normally is – only nothing was there – and I only had the one calendar to give – and a month has already passed, plus weโre day 2 February, but God saidโฆ
And not even 7:30 am some distressed vet at the front desk asking if they happened to have any calendars left – and they did not
And I told him loudly, โwell God told me someone would be needing one, and I sat one down at the entrance if it is still thereโ – he hurried off
I thought, โheโll return if he got it and let me knowโ
He fucking got it and was still reading it AFTER I went in and exited my appointment
Bless
Someone in fact did need a calendar
Two days into Februaryโฆ
God gives me assignments that make me feel awkward but I do them anywayโฆ
People notice when Iโm in a room
Or outsideโฆ
Am I too proud?
I certainly donโt look it with my head down
Even when my hair is untamed and a rope hanging round my neck – I swear – they see something I donโt
HIS HAND
My God – Iโll be dreaming of it and my future boyfriend will ghost me because of it
โBro, she was perfect, why did you let her goโ
I’m still quarantined Like a zombie Can’t feel a fucking thing But my anger growing Like Constantine Got the Devil humming Like his offspring Forever running
And being the observant that I am, I read the details. It included a secret on the back. God wanted me to know. I feel it is a universal sign. I’ve been making many stews after all. And today, included cinnamon bark.
(Protein of choice can be used – I’m avoiding lab made proteins – but am Flexitarian and mostly consume a vegetarian/vegan diet. I’m a picky meat eater too; beef, chicken, turkey mostly and fish on the occasion).
Making stew with spring water and cinnamon bark
I made my broth from scratch again – but memaw (my grandmother passed) never tossed out the fat from the meat and today I decided to do the same. Since I keep skin and seeds on, FAT PLEASE.
Ingredients used: spring water, Tomatoes from the Vine, cherry tomato medley (later popped), cinnamon bark, fresh garlic, onion, celery, cilantro, sweet yellow, orange, and green peppers with seeds, rainbow carrots, dry green split peas, wild rice blend, rosemary, thyme, parsley, salt with the necessary nutrients (maybe), pepper, potato with skin on and washed, red kidney bean (but I can’t buy canned beans anymore because they are putting things in them that they should not and I’ll stick to adding dry lentils, split pea, rice, ect). Added half can of tomato sauce too which it absolutely did not need and the stew would have survived without it)
I cooked up ethically sourced organic beef with onion and spices and put 4 spoons of the fat into the stew. I continued cooking the beef to a nice texture and gently added it to the stew – and then a shit ton of cabbage ๐คช
I let the cabbage cook down some and then I added even more cabbage
But that wasn’t enough. So more.
IT’S THE BEST SOUP I’VE EVER MADE AND I SAY THAT ABOUT EVERY POT BUT THIS ONE CONTAINS A SPECIAL SECRET INGREDIENT
Cinnamon bark. It’ll be going in everything now. Practicing gratitude. Thank you Lord. Now maybe my stew is fit for a king.
A lump of cinnamon bark in the leftovers
And I put it with the leftovers. Apparently cinnamon is a great anti-parasitic and pet friendly too.
The dog went mad for my soup. He got second’s plus additional bites.
My bowl consumed in light-speeds – did not add a pinch of anything.
So the stew would be good without a meat protein source but the heart demanded. Just don’t add meat.
I made homemade vegetable beef this time. Probably not like anyone else makes it.
I’m terribly full but already greedy for another bowl. I’m stuffed. And definitely wanna enjoy leftovers so gotta ration and need a bigger pot! ๐
Happy holidays. Still eating my nuts and things. I’m going to a food drive on Friday. Curious to know if the universe will gift me any secrets. I’m invested. ๐
Oh and, scored my 3 pack detox for the price of 1. Grateful. The detox continues…. the heart journey, the healing.
Soups, stews, treats, and pepper sauce – all made from scratch and with love
Memaw always said heat the vinegar to extract “the heat” from the pepper
Measure out what you need in the jar, then heat to a simmer and remove from heat and pour over your peppers (you can leave them whole but remove the stems)
Slowly pour the vinegar over the peppers and set aside and let them cool and then put them in the fridge and forget about them for at least two weeks
The longer they sit in the fridge the hotter they will be and you can top up the vinegar by adding more hot vinegar to the peppers as it diminishes
I’ll eventually eat the peppers too but memaw said they are good for at least one year in the fridge – I’m gonna need a bigger jar ๐คช
Currently I’m making stew with green cabbage
Fresh vegetables and herbs ๐ฟ
It’s been simmering ten thousand years and I’m investing in a bigger pot soon
I also recently made spicy pasta
It was tasty and I’ll try different versions soon
Lots of fresh tomatoes, herbs, and peppers ๐ถ ๐ซ
Fresh garlic, olive oil, onions….
Tomatoes, more tomatoes, and a small tin of organic tomato sauce
I was out of penne pasta but had whole wheat spaghetti but used bow-tie noodles instead
I also added 3 bean trio cuz protein (it’s good)
Overall, my experimental spicy pasta was a hit (could make minor changes) (more garlic too)
And then, there’s the oatmeal peanut butter protein balls
Take 1 cup of peanut butter (a good one) and gently mix over low heat with 1 cup of maple syrup (a good one)
Once it has a light bubble – remove from heat (takes maybe 2-3 minutes) (maybe 5)
Add 1 cup of rolled oats by gently folding
I added flax and raw pumpkin seed to the mix – cuz tis the season ๐
Put them in a better cooling tray and set in the fridge until they harden – then put in a storage container – these protein balls make around 2 1/2 dozen and could last you two weeks in the fridge but mine never go past 1 week
I could have used more oats cuz they were kinda sticky this time. Full of protein, vegan, and organic. That’s all for now. Gotta get back to the pot on the stove… ๐คช
First off, you can use whatever veggies, herbs, and meats you like. But this pot is organic and vegan and made with love. No recipe book! โค๏ธ
Jesus said when he comes back he’s hitting my door for some soups
I didn’t use all my cherry rainbow tomatoes or tomatoes on the vine (or peppers and herbs) cuz I’m using some to make pasta sauce
I don’t have a fancy kitchen setup yet but I’m using a glass pot and Florida spring water
I do advise that you drink spring water locally wherever you are
I used a can of tomato sauce this time – it made absolutely no difference in taste turn out – it did however help since I was using less tomatoes this time to make my base
Glass pot + Spring water + sauce + handful of medley cherry tomatoes ๐ + low heat (simmer around 3-4 heat)
Start dropping herbs and spices (you will be cooking with your eyes and nose for the next few hours)
I tossed in a couple small handfuls of green split peas + lentils
2 + 2 and stir frequently but gently so they don’t stick (I do not presoak in poison)
We’re making witches stew (vegetable soup – can be made with a fire and cauldron potentially)
Now I’m dicing peppers and celery to get the broth nice and tasty – these can be diced small – we’ll add more later towards the end – so don’t put it all in now
This is how it’s going
You can add salt and pepper now – slow and steady wins the race (no taste testing until the potatoes are being tried) (we haven’t put any potatoes in the pot yet so stop freaking out). I use about a quarter amount of salt in my palm – about 4 pinches worth – THIS TIME AND EACH TIME
I also used a dash of sea salt that states it does not provide the necessary nutrients – and I’m still on the hunt for the correct salt to use
My doctor did say I needed more salt and that was when I was just using the sea salt that doesn’t provide the necessary nutrient
A quarter amount of salt
You wanna add all your spices now – but not at one time. They were out of fresh rosemary but I had some dry herbs on stock (I am not growing my own herbs and peppers and tomatoes because I don’t have a balcony or porch to do that and all the apartments I lived in before I could at least grow some herbs and peppers and shit)
I did use fresh cilantro and parsley ๐ฟ and lots of it too (saved some for the upcoming pasta)
And you’ll likely need to add a touch more water later – you don’t want the beans using up all your water and the extra fiber will be very hearty (also these require half an hour at normal temps to cook on their own, these will require the full simmer time of 2-3 hours, you’ll need to stir gently and often to ensure proper rotation
At this point I’m still dicing peppers, onions, and adding herbs ๐ชด
I use seeds yes – skins and seeds ๐
My soup turns out mild so I gotta kick up the heat soon
During the broth making session, the items are diced (celery, onion, tomatoes on the vine – I kept the cherry tomatoes whole and did not pop them unless they popped on their own)
Celery makes for a delicious broth
I generally add more to the soup during the end – so I have a slightly crunchy celery and pepper (no carrots this time but lots of cabbage)
With the rosemary (pre stir)
But now you can start adding yer tators! I used 3 this time! I wanted extra potato since I had no fresh carrots!
And I plan on making homemade baked fries with skins on! Potato logs!
Trying new thangs!
LOOK AT IT ๐คฉ
I kept skins on! All the thangs! (Not the onion)
Once the tators are near done, you can add cabbage, more peppers, celery, onion, salt n spices
It’ll smell divine
It’s soup fit for a king ๐
I’m carefully adding MORE cabbage
Don’t spill a drop!
It’s almost done and you can add more salt and pepper but once I put mine in a bowl it does not need anything else but I literally could add salt and pepper until I was dead
I also carefully added dark red kidney beans because the heart needs!!!
And this is the end result of hard work and love
Several bowls and will last several days in a fridge if eating alone (unless you go hog wire)
I didn’t add any jalapeรฑo sauce or cheese or extra salt or pepper or anything afterwards but it probably could use any of those things and make it taste even better
I GOT ONE GIANT DOUBLE BOWL REMAINING
I’ve also been drinking this tea and I recommend it or any version that is a healthy version without the poison but it’s the ginger turmeric that helps inflammation/heart/gut health
I gotta start using the real stuff
Coffee and tea and soup. It’s like my soul purpose.
I made Vegan oatmeal protein balls and I’ll do an upcoming blog post and how to make those! Simple! Easy! Maybe 20 minutes from prep to finish!
Thanks for stopping by my blog! ๐
I reactivated my Insta but with boundaries ๐คช
My awesome hot pants workout set will be arriving Friday! They shipped it out same day! ๐
The vegan treats are worth sticking around for and don’t let the word vegan scare you. PROTEIN BALLS ๐คค
Walmart was completely out of eggs, coffee, red potatoes, and other items I ordered
When I asked if they had “less eggs available”, the employee replied, “we have no eggs”, and there were a few items that got substituted instead and I was actually grateful for that
The organic maple syrup was being bought out online as I was buying, along with many items, and the time slots available for delivery or pickup were already filled until 9 am Monday (today)
So I’m lucky I got any items at all
2 pounds of rolled oats! Only need 1 cup (uncooked) for the vegan protein balls! ๐คช
The substituted Maple will do just fine (and can be used for pancakes too)
I recommend using a good peanut butter but I didn’t fit it into the budget – mostly because I have six jars of donated jars I wanna use up – and I’m relying less on the food banks as my main source of food
Got all sorts of edible thangs!
I still have regular pumpkin seeds to add to my nut and seed mix, but topped up on the roasted seeds and glad I scored a bag cuz they only had 4 left!
Food is healing and I got stuff I can eat if the lights go out
Tomatoes on the vine!
Fresh herbs, peppers, spices!
Apparently you can sprinkle flax on anything so it’ll probably get in the trail mix for starters ๐คช
Peppers galore
I’m famished ๐คช
Scored a purple and green head of cabbage!!! ๐คฉ
Witchy vegan stew incoming soon ๐คช
My dog is driving me insane and I do wish our nightmare would come to an end
6 excellent years followed by 5 terrible
And no, I don’t want him anymore. He ain’t a dog.
5 pounds of potatoes and despite how terrible the dog treats me, he eats like a king
Pound of dry beans + canned beans in case
Him: any additions?
Me: beans
Loads and loads of good eating this month
More of the good salt which may not be good after all but SALT
And this tea to help with inflammation but I need to learn to use the real stuff and baby steps….
The only water available…
And I still have a pound of raw cashews and 3 bottles of detox incoming
They were out of coffee and eggs tho and this was the only dairy I got (I’m trying to quit cheese and yogurt currently)
I didn’t show all the herbs but I’ve got some fresh cilantro and parsley to toss in the soup – not to mention like 6 or 7 fresh jalapeรฑos (and a bag of sweet peppers).
Unfortunately the banana chips and the dark chocolate have natural flavor in it so I won’t be able to do those again but for now it will be a good snack. The dark chocolate is intended for the coffee. Luckily, the container I just popped makes 148 cups! But wasn’t able to restock this month!
Him: any addictions?
Me: coffee and cabbage ๐คช
I got green and purple! I just desperately wanted a head! God made sure I got two!!! I’ll make good use! No eggs but protein balls and extra cabbage! Plus, that bag of oats was bigger than I thought! 2 pounds! My nuts are also the big boys!!! Happy to have a stocked fridge and pantry tis all!
I’ll find water but I need a filter for the sink! God wants me to become more self-reliant! Less plastic! Less waste!!! Less poison!!!!!! I can’t believe nobody is protesting the water being poisoned but I may start showing up at City Hall soon. But I’d rather buy an acre with a mobile home. Witchy stew and protein balls.
THANK THE LORD! ๐
Gonna make some hot pepper sauce with the fresh peppers and vinegar! Homemade soup and pepper sauce!!! ๐
I made the stew! I stopped by Publix and grabbed a few items to enhance the pot!
But I wanted to celebrate getting pushed into the top 50s by going and getting some additional ingredients to put into the vegan stew
Fresh rosemary, 2 red potatoes, 1 purple onion, bag of sweet peppers red orange yellow, celery stalks, and 1 giant Jalapeรฑo pepper
Just a few fresh items from the produce section
Also stocked up on my spring water from the Dollar Tree
And I’m avoiding those little plastic bags and bottles as much as possible
I AM STILL EATING HEALTHY AND THRIFTING
But I found TWO better stores to thrift – where the prices are clearance prices and the items are NEW
Both the stores are also very popular, so it’s really challenging to get the items that I want and personally I’m starting to find it a whole lot more fun than driving around to all these different thrift stores around the city and only finding over priced used items (gas prices are killing me)
People coughing left and right from God knows what
I’M STILL RECOVERING FROM HEART INFLAMMATION
And I’m taking the little bit of income I am earning from the hard work that I’m doing and I’m investing it back into my health and my work which is the sole purpose of me doing all this anyway ๐คช
I don’t want to die on the street like Edgar Allan Poe
I don’t want to drop dead of COVID like my sister did in January at the age of 45
There are people out there who don’t want to see me get healthy or to move and basically they want to see me drop dead
THEY ARE ROOTING FOR ME TO DIE
*sigh* the aliens are us. Religion. It’s all just us. We do have a creator tho. But this society is a false entity. Anyhoo.
Chris Cornell (FROWN GARDEN) had just performed a sold out show before he went back to his hotel room and tapped the lights on and off from an app to let his wife know that he was checking out permanently and BOOM he’s gone
MONEY ISN’T THE ANSWER
I make my stew with spring water. Fill the pot half up.
His mother follows me on Instagram and they don’t care about nudity, they don’t care about that fucking shit, but what they care about is mental health and me not fucking dying
I do not need a fancy kitchen to make soup for a king
It’s weird when the love of your life does not watch your stories but Chris Cornell’s mother does (hello heaven)
Making a tomato vegetable broth from scratch
My best friend died by suicide and Soundgarden was her favorite band
๐
Everything I love is going extinct
Start adding your spices – a little here and there will do. Use REAL SALT THAT SUPPLIES THE NECESSARY NUTRIENTS
They spent weeks tearing up the earth and now I no longer hear pretty bird sing ๐
I’m being driven insane ๐
I cook in a glass pot I scored from the thrift. My kitchen is under a SLOW REMODEL. Ditching all plastic and Teflon. Stainless steel, glass, bronze, or copper only.
In 2018 when I had to go to court ONE TIME (I’ve sorted everything so chill) – the female judge would not even speak to me until I took a few breaths
Fresh rosemary. Use a lot! I think I could have used it all!!!!!!! I was afraid it would overpower. It did not! I used 1 stem! Should have tossed the entire pack in! It gonna turn to broth!!!!!!!!!!!
She stated I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind me
I told her my parents didn’t teach me about those monsters under the bed
She said her parents did teach her but she still made mistakes
I would like a live rosemary plant
By the end of the court session we had everyone in the room laughing and it was full
I had zero reasons to be humiliated even though I was
And she knew the government furloughs and the government hiring freezes nearly
I lost everything I had saved for many years
My Thrift retirement savings GONE
My personal savings GONE
SEEN: Brown & red potatoes. Medley sweet peppers. Rainbow carrots. Red onion. Purple/red cabbage. Sweet onion. Celery stalks. Giant Jalapeรฑo. Tomato from the vine.
Then they went after my physical health with this pandemic because this is biological warfare
I’m doing everything that I can to climb up out of this hell hole
I have no reason to feel shame
So far in the pot: cherry tomatoes (the rainbow kind), tomatoes from the vine diced, fresh rosemary DO MORE, finely chopped celery, real salt and pepper
But for some reason these monsters have drilled it into me to feel bad if I’m not giving them the attention that they don’t deserve
Read it again…
I’m struggling with answers on what to do with my own blood line
Use the good salt
And I’m trying to fix my health so that I can create my own tribe before I check the fuck out permanently
All I know is I love eating homemade vegan soup more than I like eating canned expired food from the food pantries
The vegan soup is healing my heart
The can soup has poison in it
No taste testing yet. Use your nose and eyes to cook as well. Does it smell good? Keep going. ๐
All the pretty labels are lies
Natural flavor was mad in a lab with MAD SCIENTISTS!!!!!!
SCIENCE IS COMPLIANCE
I spent hours cooking up this pot to perfection
I AM STILL SIMMERING AND MAKING THE BROTH – WE ARE NOT ADDING THICK CUT VEGGIES YET
I HAVE LEFTOVERS
And 1 bowl was so hearty I struggled to get through it ๐คช
No bread this time! Just soup!
So without further ado I took photos for you but I don’t use directions and I make everything from scratch – just like my memaw taught me
She always said a way to a man’s heart is through his belly
MINE TOO
I use lots of tomatoes and then some ๐คช
A way to my heart is through my belly
She wasn’t wrong
Our mental health is directly connected to our gut
I even tossed in dry rosemary cuz I’m still learning to perfect perfection ๐คช (this soup is perfection make no doubt)
I can’t stand living with these insane children around me and no more pretty bird singing
I HATE LIVING HERE LIKE JOHN JONES HATES THAT CAVE
AND ALL THE CHILDREN ARE INSANE – Jim Morrison
It’s been simmering 15-20 minutes on low heat – now time to POP THE CHERRIES ๐คช
Because they need to fucking deworm
*starts slamming bathroom doors*
MY FAVORITE PLACE TO LIVE ๐คฉ
*STARTS MAKING MORE LOUD NOISES
I’m taking a shot of detox soon so I don’t fucking shoot myself ๐
Now drinking from stainless steel instead of plastic (kinda) (reducing my plastic consumption waste)
I get to wake up to the racist children now and no longer pretty bird
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO MOVE
I WOULD RATHER LIVE IN A MUD SHACK ON MY OWN TINY PIECE OF LAND
THAN TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS DEVIL SOCIETY
LOOK AT ALL THOSE RAINBOW CARROTS GOING IN THE POT – I KEEP THEM WHOLE FOR A “MEATY MEAL”. I make vegan witches stew ๐คจ
Despite this, y’all don’t want us living in fear so ensure you do everything to make sure we are indeed living in fear
Stopped by the beach after my vegan feast to enjoy after sunset and no…
The beach is green
I ain’t going in or near naw. God wants me making content for y’all and stew at home. I’m healing.
Ya no
My feet ain’t touching that
I haven’t forgot that a 14-year-old drowned here a couple months ago
He was found an hour later 1 mile away – that’s how far that riptide took him
Also evening death like John Jones
Went for another round
Got out and went back in
Toss in whole
Bye bye ๐
I’m sorry you died in fear so young
It’s not safe here
MAGICAL GOODNESS ๐คฉ
I was afraid of the fucking vegetables growing
They so good
Start filling your pot up and don’t forget to put pinches of salt and pepper pinches of salt and pepper pinches of salt and pepper
More spices, more herbs
I keep the skins on the potatoes and I also leave all the seeds in ๐
At this point I’m still cutting and adding
I simmer it on low until the potatoes are nearly done and then I add the cabbage
I carefully push in slices of the head
Vertically I reckon
And then as it cooks down the top bits I’ll gently push in
You can dice all your vegetables really small and probably take less time to cook it and it won’t be as hearty and the vegetables will be mushy like fucking canned soup but
You will spend a lot of time dicing your vegetables as well so I don’t really know if you’re saving time
It turned out delicious. Doesn’t need a thang! But going in the belly!! ๐คช
If you eat the leftovers up slowly the vegetables will maintain their yumminess and freshness!
Lemme know if you have any questions and how it goes! You can use whatever veggies you like when making soup. I call this a ONE POT WONDER STEW (vegan and magically healing)
Let me know if you want me to share more of my cooking adventures.
Made from scratch and with love. Good ole country cooking! Heart healthy! Loaded with vitamins and thangs the heart needs! Yes, the cabbage bleeds purple. You can eat it crunchy. Don’t over cook it!!!!
I took my Jeep to Pep Boys and got my tires sorted and they said I needed to replace three of them soon, that the tread is showing
I stopped by the store after and got the produce!
Got the good red purple cabbage + rainbow carrots and rainbow tomatoes + tomatoes on the vine
It’s gonna be a great stew
Got my nuts ordered online since that mega sale was mega bullshite and they were charging $18 for ounces, not pounds, and not listing the prices anywhere ๐
I HAVE A BRAIN INJURY
I don’t need my husband yelling at me when I come home because I somehow got charged $18 for some tiny little nuts – despite asking questions here and there – and doing my best to budget and buy stuff without NATURAL FLAVOR
I’ve got 2 1/2 pounds of nuts arriving at some point – shipping dates are bullshite these days – but currently it says Sunday
$27 for pounds – not ounces – that will last me all month – and I can snack daily
The price varies over there, but the price in the grocery store was MORE for LESS (They’ve turned into convenient store prices)
I’m buying these nuts directly from the seller – they’ve been doing me alright for the few months I’ve been switching to a vegetarian diet
Sometimes the price is cheaper
But now knowing that main businesses are being absolutely GREEDY GASLIGHTING ASSHOLES – they can keep selling to the yuppies
I need my own land with nut trees growing
A nut and fruit garden
Chickens running around!!!
But I am so happy that I have several pounds of red cabbage in my fridge again, tomatoes from the vine, plus garden medley tomatoes and rainbow carrots (I still have sweet & baking potatoes and onions)
I probably should learn to make something other than stew but currently I don’t want to
I like the stew ๐คจ
I make it completely from scratch and it’s healing me
Minus the fact that the herbs are dry and not fresh
BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE MY OWN GARDEN YET
I’ve got my first bodysuit and my first Halloween costume that included accessories from dolls kill arriving whenever the fuck the package gets here and it’s worth living for the soup and the packages are worth living for and the potential possibility of finding a fucking partner in the future when I’m not quarantined
I hope moving to the country is less noisy
I am going out of mind
I woke up fucking crying
“Get up Trinity, get up”
And I did
I headed right to Pep Boys to sort my tire issue as the light was on the entire way I was driving yesterday
But the shops were closed for the holiday…
I saw a video on TikTok of a guy stating he was snowboarding and decided to go back “one more time” (A SECOND RETURN) and now he’s got a brain injury and can’t do shit for life
And I have a brain injury so I’m grateful I can still make soup
I mean maybe he can make soup I don’t know but like he went back a second time and that’s the thing I’ve been noticing – pay attention to that – pay attention to how people go back a second time and fucking die or nearly do (like me with that damn vaccine)
I also picked up some pumpkin spice bread with lots of nuts & seeds, no GMO, no natural flavor from a lab…
I need to learn to make my own bread (aside from homemade biscuits and cornbread)
It was this or the pumpkin pie ๐
I may make my own pumpkin pie this season
Get a pumpkin
Carve that bitch out
I’m not buying meat anymore but I did buy some ancient grains and pumpkin seeds yesterday
Some have already gone in my homemade trail mix and I’m anticipating my pistachios and my cashews to arrive as I’m nearly out and was in a panic
The store yesterday was out of most things I needed
And the only milk they had was the milk with the red label and bacteria and I’m terrified to even open it but I will – I’m gonna get around to trying it
But I think I’m done with dairy after this
Milk was the only thing I got for this month, I didn’t get any cheese or yogurt
I’m gonna see how my gut does giving it a load of probiotics
But I’m learning dairy is terrible for hums…
And I had no idea they were walking and standing in lime or whatever it was
I’ve been seeing videos on TikTok and I’m just like “thank you for turning me vegan” and this is direct to farmers
“It doesn’t hurt the cow”
IT HURTS MY EYES TO SEE THO ๐
I’m gonna shrivel up into nothing ๐
I’m working on a new set soon!
Just need a day or two to recover from the madness ๐คช
I also have a doctors appointment on Thursday so I’m just in the mindset of getting shit done as the first week of the month is usually chaotic
My dog is driving me absolutely out of my mind but I cannot send them to the gas chamber
I was able to buy his special Vienna sausage today and he took his medicine without a problem because he’s stubborn as fuck and apparently he will only take his medication with these Vienna sausages now
He’s got a 50mg dose of Trazodone in him now so he’s knocked out
I learned that I don’t like shopping at Publix today and I had been avoiding it for several months because of the bullshit pricing that they have going on and how most of the food is poisoned and I’m trying to get away from the big chains and buy local produce
Gosh it ain’t easy
The farmers don’t make it easy…
I miss the days of people selling produce on the side of the street and not fearing buying it
I PLAN TO HIT UP SOME FARMER MARKETS NEXT MONTH
There are a few in New Smyrna Beach and surrounding areas
PROBABLY RICH YUPPIE PRICES
We’ll see…
They don’t make it easy for poor people to eat healthy
I’m sorry I’m so thin ๐
I am eating and working out ๐
I can’t participate in the slaughter of animals when 68% of all life has gone extinct
Humans had to adapt a gene to consume dairy
I’m in descension still
I woke up crying hard
Haven’t even had a coffee because I’m afraid to touch the milk… ๐
I gave up drinking coffee for awhile because I thought I could only drink coffee with sugar but then I learned that I could drink coffee without sugar and now I’m gonna have to maybe learn to drink it without milk too ๐คจ
I would like to try making my own almond milk
I don’t have my poor ass kitchen set up to be a dream kitchen
I recently got one glass pot from the thrift store and I’ve been cooking out of that bitch
I would like to go thrifting again for my kitchen makeover
I’ve been getting rid of everything that causes cancer or is plastic
The Teflon, the aluminum, the plastic
Switching to glass, stainless steel, and eventually hopefully copper too
I really want to start drinking my water out of copper
And at some point get away from plastic jugs and containers and invest in water filters
They are putting Covid in the fucking bathwater
I KID YOU NOT
Your skin will soak that shit up
The devil is everywhere in society, everywhere, in everything, he is there…
This is inspiring so thank you!! ๐
โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
I’ve already got an item or two in the Dolls Kill cart ๐คช
Got the bills paid, the groceries bought, I’m not alive just to pay the bills…
I was able to get my cabbage and nuts today!!!!!! It literally stopped me from crying.
Having a head of cabbage in the fridge
Gives me the happies ๐คช
The heart needs the red and blue thangs
Red cabbage, beats, wild blueberries (there’s more thangs that directly boost the heart)
Him: honey what do you need to be happy today
Me: a head of purple cabbage and rainbow carrots and rainbow tomatoes
And a kiss ๐คช
Me: what are you doing
Him: planting you a cabbage garden ๐
Not starving this month (even tho I’m thin af)
Be careful with adrenaline spikes that will crash your heart
That’s the ticket out if you’ve been vaccinated and triple boosted
IT AFFECTS PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 40 TOO
People of all ages are dropping dead and it’s not from the fucking sun
This just in: “fresh air now the rising cause of depression”
I crash landed and woke up so hard I don’t believe in alien propaganda anymore
People think robots have feelings and that you can get abducted by an alien
They probably injected a parasite in you too
The establishment is going to drop a bomb and call it Apophis
I drove to the health market down the road which was closed – maybe for the holiday – maybe always on Monday too
So I looked up another location and called and decided to drive to Port Orange
The sign read on the door huge sale!
Mega bullshite in fact…
But I was positive and hopeful to find some nuts as my stash is depleting and I was avoiding online shopping for them
This store does not have a cafe or outdoor seating and is a 20 minute drive away – one way
BUT THEY WERE OPEN FOR THE HOLIDAY AND THERE THE SIGN READ MEGA SALE
So I entered
And I begin putting things in a basket (which they do provide an actual basket that I overlooked and asked, “do you have a buggy or basket?”. Welp. Starring right at me. The real kind. Not plastic. Duh)
I asked about pricing as some things weren’t listed or were incorrectly placed
Now I’m on a budget but was a tiny bit flexible
I knew I needed to get produce and thangs they did not have
But, I opted to get the “raw milk” and farm eggs despite the pricing
Understanding that I’d get some sort of discount the Gen Z employee assured me…
The eggs weren’t much more than store
They were out of most nuts and seeds
But I’m trying thangs I never have before like these wheat berries (ancient grains I hope)
You just boil them and put them in a bowl
Maybe might make a good protein treat
Ginger is supposed to be ridiculously healthy and the bag was not expensive
I thought for the most part, aside from the big ticket items like the eggs and milk, that I was doing alright “mega sale” and all ๐
Got one bottle of this, I mostly drink water, milk, coffee, (hopefully tea again)
I gave up juice and soda detoxing
This has elderflower –
Anyhoo time came to check out
And I was confused by the total, maybe even shell shocked and asked, “you applied the discount”
But I didn’t think to check the receipt in the car, and waited until I got home to “inspect” the prices like I normally do (to see if I got the discount prices or whatever)
My stupid ass should have checked before I left town – as it was 3 bags only
Sometimes having a brain injury ptsd get home don’t die routine is costly BECAUSE
The nuts turned out to be nearly $18 for a few ounces
I nearly cried. Welp.
I just seen just now that the can of duck food that I thought I bought for my dog’s medicine was actually cat food…๐
Apparently I fucked the nuts and the one can of dog food – which is cat
Him: you spent how much on the nuts ๐
Seriously tho, don’t ever threaten divorce because I was gaslit
Those fucking nuts were $18 ๐
Anyhoo
I called the store and she said I could return the nuts tomorrow for a refund which means I’m gonna be driving a 40 mile round-trip which would likely use up all my gas money and gas tank
She stated the prices went up and they didn’t have them listed
Anyhoo. By very principle I cannot eat the nuts. I can buy 1.5 pounds of Pistachios for less than that and I can buy a pound of raw cashew nuts for less than that
So I’m going for a drive – tomorrow – humiliation factor and all
To return 9 ounces of dark chocolate almonds that I very badly want to consume – but not at that price ๐
And I have no idea if I’m supposed to put the wear and tear on my precious vehicle to get my $18 back but whatever
I don’t want my husband yelling at me for spending too much at the grocery store because they lied
Thank fuck I can get a refund but…
I’m gonna stick to local shopping only (and online until I can fully cut the cord)
Sex toys are meant to be sold at the adult stores, not at the fucking mall, and not at Walmart
Now I gotta waste my precious time and energy returning a tiny tub of nuts because the SIGN ON THE DOOR LIED
A second trip
I feel uneasy ๐ซ
It’s a hard lesson to learn
I tried to do so good and within my budget
I still gotta buy produce to get me through the month
More soup is planned
I just thought I could buy my nuts and seeds at a health food store this time instead of off of Amazon and Walmart
I went back for that second Moderna vaccine which nearly fucking killed me
That kid went back “one more time” and the riptide took him
2 recent cave divers nearby drowned when they went back a second time (came up, went back down)
I wish someone would have stopped me from going back for that second vaccine even though the first one injured me
“It’s safe”
“The CDC”
The numbers 777 appeared before me today
I have information channeling to me but I don’t know what to do with it
I’m trying to eat healthy and within budget
I’m tired of having to chase my tail because of the narcissism and gaslighting
Go get the refund? Don’t get the refund?
Go back a second time when I don’t wanna…
I knew that would be the last shopping trip at Peggy’s for me
Asking for a refund is humiliating ๐
Running around chasing my tail
I WANT MY OWN PLOT OF LAND WITH A CHICKEN OR TWO FOR EGGS
I want my neighbors to be the roosters and the croaking toads
Apparently spiders will take water from you
The animals need our help
WE ARE ANIMALS TOO
STOP GASLIGHTING
What was mega about that sale??????????
I NEED TO KNOW
๐
Angelic numbers keep following me. I don’t know what to do about the nuts. I’m returning the nuts.
I took the tip money and bought something nice! ๐ฅฐ
I took advantage of that labor day sale!
I scored the curtains for under $8!! I really wanted that set!! Cheaper than Walmarttoo and absolutely cuter (and gothy)
I got a Halloween costume from the new Halloween section on Dolls Kill for 80% off ๐
The curtains and the costume!! ๐๐๐
And a lace bodysuit (my first) โบ๏ธ
But that wasn’t all
BARGAIN HUNTER
Was able to pick up accessories like thigh high socks, jewelry, daddy cosplay attire, and other thangs
I spent the $3 extra for the 3-5 day delivery
They get your order out so much quicker
Or you can wait two weeks for them to mail your stuff out to you or pay the three dollars extra and they’ll get it mailed out to you within 3 to 5 days
I love the secret and flash sales! ๐คฉ
Stuff goes so quickly
I saw they had the valentine set back up and I was going to go ahead and get another set because it was $.96 and I thought what the fuck I haven’t received my first set but I’ll go ahead and get those and double it since they’re only $.96 and I’ll be damned if those bitches weren’t already sold out…
I really hope y’all let me mail you some snail mail
I’m excited to get that Mixed Messages card set, especially knowing how popular it is โบ๏ธ
But my set will be arriving any day, they already shipped
I got them for a good price but not under $1
I think the mixed messages would be fun to mail out for Halloween Thanksgiving Christmas and all the way up through Valentine’s so I’m not waiting months or however long it is
Hopefully somebody will let me mail them a card to their work or wherever!! ๐ฅฐ
Anyhoo
There’s enough to go around
Trying to send some despairing cheer
I got some Daddy cosplay stuff with the tip money ๐คช
Goth BB will be making a future appearance
Especially since spooky season is here
And I used that tip money to buy my Halloween costume from my favorite store!!!!! Thank you!!!
I’m buying size small which feels really weird because I have not been a small since I was probably 17
And this is my first time in my life ever buying lingerie
I don’t want to show you the costume, you just have to wait!!
It was originally $60 but I got it 80% off for their labor day sale + a mystery code!!! Extra bonus discount!!!!!!
I’d love to celebrate Halloween this year and go on a haunted hayride but I’d get kidnapped especially in that costume
I have guys who follow me out to my vehicle in my little shorts with no make up on and I don’t have a fucking filter on when I walk outside
It’s dangerous where I live especially for a gal like me
He was scanning the parking lot…
His truck was big…
Anyhoo
Maybe I’ll just stay home and take photos for you ๐คช
I’m excited!!!
I have a Halloween costume and I really wanna show you the daddy cosplay stuff but I can’t, I can’t show you yet, I can’t fucking show you yet
I’m not dropping anything about it in my story
Sorry
Halloween feels like Christmas
And BB wants to look cute for you
Maybe a lethal doll
DOLLS KILL (let the neighbors know)
๐
Should I show you?
I really wanna show you ๐คช
Well I got the curtains and you know the curtains I wanted to get and I do think I got a good deal for them and everybody needs fucking curtains
I have no curtains in my apartment
I’ve lived here for five years without any fucking curtains, if anybody is giving me shit for spending less than eight dollars for some fucking curtains right now, you just need to go away with your negative energy, these are for my master bedroom privacy
I made a tip and I spent it
I invested it in myself and my art and mental health
WITH YOU IN MIND
You inspire me
And I got the rent paid
I still need to go grocery shopping so I didn’t spend that much money over there and again I used my tip money
I’m not gonna stop sharing my life experience just because I’m over there working now
God wants me to have a husband
I ain’t out here doing anything to disrespect him
I don’t have a man but you know I’m out here, I’m out here doing the hard work for him to fucking destroy my self-esteem and tell me I have no value
I would have married him at 12…
He tells me his secrets then punishes me ๐
He hasn’t spoke to me in weeks ๐
He’s got another girl ๐
She probably does dirty things for him ๐
He makes me regret being born ๐
But ordered my first bodysuit and the regret is less
Plus my first proper Halloween costume in years
God said it was OK if I spent my tip money on myself
GOD LOVES MY IMAGINATION
And the child in me was not compromised or tainted
God says I’m special, not broken
And all the things I feel are part of being human
There’s good nature and bad nature
Sometimes we make mistakes but when you acknowledge something that doesn’t suit your soul purpose and you stop doing those things, that makes you human not a demon
Waking up was part of my journey and it has taken me so long…
Can’t quit now
The Devil trying hard to get me…
But he can’t have me and I got a cute Halloween costume to mock him instead ๐
Halloween is my favorite season I think
I’m pretty certain I was burned at the stake in a past life
Also, there are ways in which I never want to die
“Haven’t you died 12,000 ways”
“I ain’t going that way, the answer is still no…”
Prime example:
Nope. Leaving that convo between me and God
Ain’t putting it in the ether…
FLORIDA IS KNOWN FOR THEM THO
Fuck it
SINKHOLE
The earth just opens up and swallows you
This guy was in his bed sleeping or jerking off and it was the only place in his entire house that went under and now that whole area is condemned with a fucking piece of plastic do not enter tape line
My fears about dying are starting to get irrational and I already have a therapist so I need a husband…
I got some thigh high socks to combat the fears
That red satin bow set was my first
And now I’ve got another set incoming soon
All these years and never wore socks over the knees and now I don’t wanna stop
I love you ๐
I wanna dress cute for you
Deadly but cute
DANGER CANDY LIKE THE SHROOMS
Sometimes good, sometimes bad ๐คช
I just need a husband to sort me
But I’m absolutely grateful for your viewership
You keep me going
The tip did not go for something bad (like alcohol or gambling)
I’ve never had a makeover in my life!!!!!!!
I’m glad I can share it with you
xoxo
(Could you let him know I need him)
I CAN’T BREATHE WITHOUT HIM
He released feel good hormones when I was dying
That’s why John wanted one more phone call
But he was denied ๐
He lost all hope ๐
But I’m not gonna jump from the bridge because I’ve got shit coming but the gang is out and about and they’re probably going to taunt me again tonight so I probably won’t get any fucking sleep tonight either
Where the fuck can I ride my bike with my LED lights and not feel like I’m gonna get murdered???
CUZ THE BIRTHDAY LED SETS ARE ON THE WAY
I even got a wall butterfly!!!!!!!!!!!! LED!!
And I’m gonna burn this grey shower curtain from Walmart
Or put a bunch of old oversized clothes in it and roll it up and make it look like a body and toss some of my cosplay blood on it and take it to the dump as the kids are off to school
I don’t think it’s normal to be having these ideas or laughing the way I do ๐คจ
And I’ll be able to feed the potential future hubby various versions of soup
No cabbage this time but added a couple handfuls of dry split peas
More rainbow carrots (grateful for the birthday donations, feeding my belly)
Lots of organic spices and a shit ton of the good salt!
A BIG potato
And I know I don’t have a fancy kitchen but I want to be able to cook soup out in the fucking forest over a campfire ๐
I even added lots of peppers and fresh would have been better!
The stew even got a thing of spring water!!
But, not for the rich emancipated kid who gutted me in my heart
He wounded my spirit when he said he wouldn’t eat from my kitchen and if I was offended with it, it was my fault ๐
He treats me the way others treated Mary Magdalene ๐
God said if he doesn’t get his shit together he won’t be invited into the heavens ๐
IT’S AMAZING ๐คฉ
My future husband must like soup a lot!!!
๐
I just picked up another bottle of detox and got my large dose in!
The world is plagued by parasites, don’t be ashamed
History repeats itself because they make money from gaslighting our health issues and laugh about us chasing our tails while feeding us nothing but poison then saying, “stupid Americans”
74 drops once daily currently for me
Well that rich emancipated kid can eat his cold ass pizza from that box with his cold ass heart while 60% of the fucking species go extinct over commercial farming and that fucking cheese he’s eating…
I’M OFFENDED
But the belly is full
And there’s maybe one bowl left after simmering the witches stew for hours! ๐คช
But I’ll be getting a rebound session in soon!
I gotta be careful tho
I’m ready for the booty to start returning
I still have muscle to work with all over
But I’ve shed over 18+ pounds in 5 months detoxing
It does take time to rebuild
You can’t expect results overnight
I do not live in the gym
I have a heart and lung injury from the death jab ๐คจ
I can’t expect the potential future husband to be using me as motivation to push him to run a fucking marathon
I get up before sunrise
Make coffee
And try not to leap from a bridge…
It would be nice if I could get out of my masculine role
If the poles could reverse
And he’d be less of an emancipated little bitch…
With that said, he’s gonna be left in the dust
I won’t be parking my mind on him when I’m connected and imprinting on someone else
LOYALTY IS EVERYTHING
It’s all real tho (petite doll)
I’m only getting married once…
Yes please ๐คช
I can’t wait for my little butterfly LED light to arrive from Dolls Kill (and the new bedsheets and bathroom set)
On the way ๐ฅฐ
Healing. Detoxing. Rebounding. Making over. Doing the hard work.
The mess does not reflect the effort
There are more things to organize and let go
Sometimes I’m just happy I’m making it another day
I’ve been asleep for so long…
After 44 years at it alone, I’d be so grateful for just a decade with a partner to not do it alone.
Things don’t have to be like they’ve been
“You’ve been down that road, Neo. You know where it goes…”
Life is in the journey, not the destination
Don’t get stuck…
Need more skirt thangs (size small tho as I’m petite now)
Thank you to everyone who shows me positive support, you are keeping me alive!!! โค๏ธ
There are sometimes people who make fun of me for being poor or try to shame me and Chris Cornell’s mother still follows me and watches my stories and sometimes she comments and she never shames me
People in Europe show skin and it is not a big deal to them
I don’t know why people want to body shame you or shame you for your financial status, it’s not like I fucking chose to jump into a government hiring freeze or government furlough ๐
I’m doing the best I can
My partner will never make me cum if he makes me fear the very ground I walk on ๐
I’m sick of starring at a grey shower liner from Walmart that I overpaid
AND
A SECRET WISHLIST SALE
YOU HAD ME AT SECRET ๐
And thus, I got home improvement thangs that had been in the wishlist
Coming soon ๐คฉ
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU
I lost everything when I became homeless in 2017 after the government furloughs and hiring freezes
EVERYTHING
I could lose thangs again
But I got some bike LEDs coming ๐คฉ
Me and the dog will be cruising the racist parking lot at night
๐
MENTAL HEALTH AND FITNESS IS IMPORTANT
THE PRETTY LIGHTS WILL CALM ME
And encourage me to go for an evening ride
I’m still living in fear about riding my bike after that couple got murdered and the eyes around here work in groups to steal thangs
I’ve got my shit together though and the cops are on speed dial ๐
Personally I wish we could just have a walkie-talkie because they’re only a mile away but they seem to live here on weekends so now I can ride my bike and not give a fuck about the racist gangs
Uncle Sam trained me to fight male Soldiers in GROUPS
I’d win
They’d get all butthurt
At this point, the ex better be praying the Grim Reaper gets to him before I do ๐๐๐
At this point, I’m praying the Grim Reaper gets to him before I do because I’m trying to make a baby, start a commune, ascend
If the immigrants raise my rent one more time who knows what the fuck I’m gonna do, maybe buy some more fucking shit from Dolls Kill
I didn’t even know secret sales existed over there, I was just window browsing my wishlist
TAKE AN ADDITIONAL 25% OFF SECRET WISHLIST SALE
*runs to check balance, the rent cleared*
FUCKKKKKKKKK
It’s literally $8 for the curtain babe
That’s not a curtain or daily or monthly expense
THAT IS A MENTAL HEALTH BOOST
And I might start taking some photos in my fucking bathroom instead of just in my closet or bedroom or other bedroom where I used to take photos but right now there’s important paperwork & evidence of trauma everywhere
I’m not gonna find a husband with my shower curtain looking like the home of Eeyore
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THIS TRAUMA
Some of it is being sold at the pawn
Eventually I will hack into my eBay account again or start a new one and put some rare commodities up
Some thangs are going to the junkyard
Some stuff is already freshly boxed and ready for the next timeline multiverse jump
“Where we are now is not permanent, keep packing”
“What is all this shit”
“A piece of HIM, we’re going to burn him alive”
“Too easy”
“Put it in the trash piles”
*places it in the EVIDENCE I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH PILE*
“I’m sorry that happened to you. I know why you needed my help”
“I’m here now….”
“It’s okay”
“Be patient with me”
“I can’t fix this mess overnight”
“What the fuck is this”
*closes bedroom door*
*Disassociates*
I am working on getting my master bedroom together tho!!!
So I can come out of the closet officially ๐คช
Not like that…
I’m a vampire
The closet is the coffin
And the cleanest room currently on the whole ship
One tiny safe space
Don’t enter cuz it’ll be the last thing you ever do…
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
“Where is Delia”
“In the closet”
“…I wouldn’t go in there mate, she’s been in there like 200 years”
“No one ever returns….”
If Chris were here, I mean Kris, wait who?
We could write the most amazing cryptic stories
Do you want to know what stops me from writing stories for y’all? fucking punctuation…
That’s my major roadblock
That and “that was in her head”
I PET BLEEDING DYING TREES YA’LL
I would just like to say that God likes my weird dark tales and so does John Jones and I’d like to share them more with you so I probably will just avoid punctuation altogether and I’m not hiring anybody yet to help me because I don’t make that kind of money and I don’t have any sort of bond with anybody like David Gilmour has with his wife where they write fucking lyrics together so this is the compromise – good storytelling with shitty grammar and punctuation!?!
I mean, I do have a brain injury, could you cut me some slack a little bit? There are people out there drawing paintings with their fucking feet, can maybe like I avoid punctuation and grammar and just try to get the message and the tone out before I don’t have the ability to do that at all?
Asking for him
Because he’s never once liked or commented on anything that I do ๐
I like to like peoples content and then get mad at them for absolutely ridiculous reasons not based on reality and then UNLIIKE EVERYTHING I LIKED
And then unfollow
Sometimes I come back and do it again ๐
EDGAR ALLAN POE DIED ON THE STREET
CHRIS CORNELL WAS TURNING THE LIGHTS ON AND OFF WITH AN APP
TAP TAP TAP
He was checking out ๐
I’M TRAUMATIZED
But essentially I’m acting out doing the same
I’m extremely suicidal and act out often
I got in trouble for trying to kill myself in kindergarten at age 5 on the playground with a piece of string
“Your weird” and then NO BODY WANTED TO PLAY WITH ME EVER
Chastised
For not being a sheeple
I hated school
I hated home
My parents never bought me my dream sheets or gave me my dream bedroom so that’s what I’m working on now and I really hope I like this sheet set that’s coming and that it fits
Because sheets for the wired mattress are coming
From the Dolls Kill
Sharing my shopping tips and favorites with you
I’ve never had my dream bedroom
And now I got sheets and a curtain coming for the master bath and bedroom that I pay top dollar for to have a roof with ugly ass popcorn ceiling that falls in my throat when trying to sleep
“WHAT THE FUCK IS TRYING TO CHOKE ME NOW”
“JUST SOME ANCIENT DUST FROM 10,000 plagues ago, these motherfuckers”
*opens window*
John just wanted air in his lungs again
The wind on his face
I KNOW
CRAWLING IN THE CAVE WASN’T WORTH HIS LIFE
Mother earth is both heaven and hell but bad management got him killed and gaslighting
Ignoring the red flags
But also being given an incomplete map that didn’t disclose dangerous features that were purposely left off that other people had gotten stuck in six months prior
“I thought I was somewhere else”
“I’m fat”
I want to feed Michael Levitt’s balls to him
PLEASE SOMEONE LOVE ME AND MAKE IT HAPPEN
I chose the free shipping even though I want my stuff right away
Been scrubbing the bathroom
Got the current bed sheets stripped and washing
I gotta scrub the walls
Also working on new content
Writing. Photography.
I’ve been feeling very angelic but also dark
I come from the Void
I am the Void
Oh look, a wave of energy now
*ZAP* โก๏ธ
Canceled out…
P.S. I ordered some anti happy cards to send out to people/bloggers/friends/fans/Penpal/??
I don’t know how many are arriving in the bundle
I thought it might be fun to send out for Thanksgiving and the Christmas holiday
Some sarcastic hatemail ๐คช
It’ll be gaslighting (don’t jump from a bridge)
Does anybody want to be my penpal the season?
It can be a one-way penpal (you don’t even have to write me back if you don’t want because I wasn’t actually planning on putting my address anywhere)
I wanted to get a little post office box from the post office but they charge an arm and a leg now to be secretive ๐
I wanted a little addy thang…
A P.O. box
I think I already gave the fucking serial killer my address and heart ๐
It’s scary out here
Uhm, so I splurged and got this Mixed Messages card set in the hopes that folks will let me send them an anti holiday card for the holiday – wrong theme – wrong month ๐คช
Just for fun
I am quarantined as many still are
PLEASE LET ME SEND YOU ONE
๐
Remember having a penpal in grade school?
I’d like to try that again
Back to the basics
I know it requires some form of trust
I’ve held security clearances and I don’t fuck with peoples personal data or private data or bank accounts or Social Security’s
I have never keyed anybody’s car for cheating on me
Anyhoo
They have this sale going on up until midnight if you wanna try to put some things in a wishlist and put the code in your cart
Stuff does sale out fast
I had about five or six other items in my wish list that I tried to add to the cart that were already sold out, cute little bags and over the knee socks, some other home-improvement items
A red latex dress that normally cost $50 was under $4 but gone in every size ๐
It just makes it that more fun and special when you grab a bargain
Let me know if you want to see my master bedroom, bathroom and closet when I get it completely made over
Or in progress updates…
I haven’t really said it much but I’m really looking forward to the new sheet set coming in
I’m not only shopping for myself but my future husband ๐คช
Ladies, whatever motivates you to get better
There are good men out there who do not think women in their 40s are obsolete!!!
And you don’t have to be the person you were before…
You can change
You don’t have to keep shopping at Walmart or the thrift store
REINVENT
I never knew I could wear triangle tops or bikinis because guys were always dissing on my body and I’m not ashamed for taking photographs of myself
I’m not doing anything to disrespect my future husband
I’m not doing anything behind the scenes nasty or trying to steal anybody’s husband
I’m not an online girlfriend or dirty talker
Back in the 90s, I knew good girls who stripped their way through college, to buy a house, or to pay off their student loans and they weren’t expected to perform sex acts or to be that way
I would like an opportunity to pay off a bill or to buy a house but right now I’m just trying to stay afloat and buy some fucking food and make a penpal or two during the apocalypse
Are stamps even affordable? ๐คช
P.S.S. I could do a card and email a digital version instead if you don’t have an aunt or uncle or cabin to receive snail-mail
I’m not doing anything illegal nor planning anything evil
I’m just going back to the basics and I saw those cards and had this idea
Our spaceship took on the form of a pyramid FYI
Are you out there? Do you still read my blog? Do you love me? ๐
She started me on a course of treatment and ordered me testing and visits to the specialist
She said, “you need to eat some sugar. I don’t want you cutting out all sugar”
And to cut back on dairy…
You will lose weight detoxing
That is not my end goal
I will work on rebuilding muscle mass and thangs when I can
I’m working on getting my 2nd bedroom redone – to utilize my yoga system the VA donated to me and start rebounding and booty gains on my Gold’s Gym fitness rebounder.
Health issues first
I’m beating a cancer like parasite eating me alive
It likes sugar
I WAS STARVING IT
Try having a sugar addiction on top of the symbiotic thing inside of you that also has a sugar addiction and can control your hormones and make you crave it
Go for it
I’ll wait…
So the exorcism continues
“Jesus Christ, that thing was real”
Yes Neo. You need to debug.
Trinity out…
P.S. making homemade soup soon – with red cabbage, rainbow carrots, potatoes, onions, celery and all
I started this new 7 day course treatment today
On top of my detoxing routine
But now I’m allowed some sugar and no dairy
*sigh*
No coffees with cream! ๐
I’m back home now and I want to go through my bunny box! ๐คฉ
PoeEternal 