So yo

Remember how the state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose

And I regretted voting for medicinal

And the Russian hydroponics was making me MORE suicidal and homicidal

And I wasn’t getting any sleep

And it was making my anxiety worse

But I couldn’t quit

But it wasn’t working

Albeit the CBD did help my heart

But then it no longer worked

And God was like, “I don’t want you dissociating anymore”

And someone where I live was busted with 37k in their car, with fentanyl laced street weed

So I knew I couldn’t/wouldn’t fall prey to the cravings

And it was posted all over the cops social media

So I let my card expire with malicious intent and purpose

And I thought I was gonna die if I didn’t get a drag

And I started looking in places where I knew there wasn’t any weed

And it got ridiculous the places I was looking

Even tho I never hid any cuz quitting

Well, I’ve been off everything for awhile now

The brain fog is lifting

I still get cravings

But then I buy some clothing and get a dopamine boost

Because God said I didn’t have to die broke or naked

And, my closet is nearly full with clothing that fits me

Mostly cotton clothing and not polyester

But now that I’m nearly done with my shopping spree

I can figure out where I’m moving

And hopefully it’s on a plot of land 1-5 acres

So I can leave this moldy infested dump which is actually killing me

But moving isn’t as easy as it once was

And I’m actually still dying

So don’t wanna live in my ride or die

So yep

Officially weed free like 2 months + now

It takes a minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD (cannabis user disorder)

And sometimes I’m looking in random spots

I hopes to find a cartridge

That will never be there

And tossed out my pipes n papers n things

I did buy a jar worth on 4/19 and kinda weened myself

But it’s practically low grade once you’ve been puffing on the 80% thc bits like a bottle

But eventually that too ran out

I tossed out the dirty pipes to not clean the resin and taint my lungs

My lungs are still healing

And my heart from those damn vaccines

So it did serve its purpose

But I knew with the amount I was buying and the amount I was smoking and still not falling asleep that something was wrong

I knew I had to quit

It’s not that I can’t afford it

It was an absolute waste

I was tossing my $$$ in the wind

And just chasing a dragon I was never gonna find

I followed the $$$ trail back to Russia

It was Russian weed

(Stay away from Curaleaf)

(Unless you want to become homicidal and suicidal)

(More than you thought you were)

Also, there are 2 spiders living in my house

1 is unwanted and roams around

The other is stationary and I feed her

She understands me

The other one is fast and jumps and harmless (wolf spider)

The other is unidentified but I help her feed

A few weeks ago she had her web connected to my trash can lid

And 3 times I got in it and she popped down

I told her “no, you’re gonna starve, that’s me, you gotta fix yer web”

She immediately did

Today I told her I was gonna find her a meal, to fix up her web

An hour later I returned and she was working on her web

I have fed her twice now and it creeps me out

She could be a harmless Florida house spider or a dangerous one

But she’s chill

And enjoys collecting the dew when I’m taking extremely hot showers

The wolf spider is scared of me

I tried catching her the other day

She jumped

I nearly died

She’s not dangerous but she’s mobile

And I’m a good/bad witch depending on the day

I killed her mom once and cried for six months

It didn’t want to die and I was yelling “I’m sorry” while murdering her

So I’ve decided to learn to live with them

Wolfy doesn’t want to be relocated

This is her home now

I’m moving out

Come April

If the mold doesn’t kill me before then

I got an air purifier and reside in one room

I should post a sign: No spiders allowed

The one that isn’t dangerous terrifies me

They get mistaken by *im not summoning it*

The other one could be dangerous but she listens to me

I’ve fed her two live meals

It freaked me out to see her go into kill/eat mode

She mostly lingers underneath the top edge of the bathroom sink with her web along the wall and toilet

I have 2 bathrooms but she likes mine

My home isn’t really dirty but it could be better

This place was built ontop a swamp

Sick buildings exist (even new ones)

For 30 years folks were diagnosed with Sick Building Syndrome

Until they forced the doctor to stop doing his job

Maybe I can find a run down place and fix it up

Happy little clouds

And walls

I’m gonna leave this place better than I found it

And I’m sleeping on the floor

As 95% of my furniture and belongings are gone

Starting over but not here

Anyhoo

Tis all

I’m entirely sober

No drinky

No smokey

No escape

Will probably stop buying clothing soon

And keep looking for the escape route

The cop said “all of Daytona is bad” so already know I don’t want anywhere near this county

Need in the country

Of Florida

Would legit feed the gators

And there’s some sort of possum enjoying all the treats I toss out

Spotted her again today 🙂

Worry about them so much

They cut down most of their habitat

Kept hearing cries that bothered me

So started feeding them my trail mixes

And the cries turned into chipping and song

My ark will be land ho

Anyway there’s yer boring update

I live with spiders and fears

There’s no escaping here?

Spiders are animals

I even got a nat to understand me

So either I got some sort of special power

Or everything is sentient

You should see how Squirrel looks at me

She will even eat with her back turned away

She’s trusting

One day I hope a squirrel will crawl on me like a tree

I have goals you see

6th mass extinction

Science is nihilism

Scientists reduced the honeybees lifespan to 50% so they would work harder

Unethical

No one is talking about that when they say “save the bees”

Mold and fungas interchange /shapeshift

They like sugar and starch and nihilism

The Great Filter is alive

It’s the fucking devil

Tell me I’m wrong

They say you have to leave the environment to get well

I’m in hell

No one is saving that forest in Oregon? being eaten by fungas for 2500 years?

Still, I won’t kill the shrooms with teeth when they pop up

I hate mushrooms, never liked eating them

They ain’t yer fucking friend

And I won’t sleep tonight with Wolfy running around

*sigh* spotted Wolfy again

She I needs a new home

Got some cute pants that quickly sold out! Love them!!!!! Small is almost too big where XS is almost too tight but I have been getting lots of shorts in xs!

They stopped making B cup bras. So bralettes I guess forevermore

Petite people don’t matter

“Eat a burger” they say

I’m like “are you buying”!?!?!?!

All I do is fucking eat

I don’t live in the gym

I’m going to upgrade my rebounder soonish

And still haven’t gone skating 😦

But desperately wanna

I ain’t safe here

I’m gonna hit the rink or skate park soon I pray

I wish I had friends other than spiders….

And ghosts….

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P.S. I heart God

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