cops are amazed at the level of proficiency to shoot someone a CEOin the back
and i know i am quiet and inactive on the blog front – i miss reading your blogs and connecting – but i am in a slumlord war again – and i ain’t sticking around
I WANNA DIE SOMEWHERE ELSE
but god bless that lady looking for her cat who potentially fell into a sinkhole – cuz those are too be feared – in such ways that i now notice cracks in the pavement – how to maneuver around – or deploy thinking tactics on how to overcome a potential collapse
– an angel in hell walking on eggshells
i also had to call the suicide hotline – and homeless crisis line for vets
and now i’m getting ready to apply for legal aid
and all the whiplash to jump ship into the great unknown again
only this time i am excited to escape yet another blackhole
i just would rather be homeless than live somewhere it takes them 5 days to fix your only toilet or working heat – and to be told duringso that “nothing is wrong”
then if/when you react they call you rude and threaten to call the cops
i told them several times to CALL THE COPS
at least then i would get a bed a meal security and heat
an hour of sunshine too
don’t threaten me with a good time
THEY DID NOT CALL THE COPS
despite me pleading and begging for them to do so
i didn’t get arrested again
i was also potentially exposed to ecoli eating organic carrots from walmart
i was sweating like Niagara falls for 3 days, followed by TMI, and kidneys hurting
so that prob was not from detoxing but detoxing may have saved my life again
took a few days off – hitting it hard again
starting a heavy metal detox soon
then back to everything they have on zuma nutrition
candida parasite liver lymph – THEM ALL
started doubling up my doses too
mold is cancer
parasites are cancer
diseases are mold and parasites
“that thing is real”
i was always a conspiracy theorist but that movie woke something up in me
(i wish the spacebar worked)
*me getting out the popcorn watching another CEO be taken out*
the guy rode off on a bike
he still has not been found
*eats popcorn*
popcorn is on the good foods list (zuma blog)
i mean the comment section on most any video regarding the ? opposite of a tragedy?
is it a crime to wish someone dead?
…cuz the things i pray for in broad daylight
and since i’m already being kept up at night
like SAME
“amazed at the level of proficiency” but i mean how hard is it to shoot someone in the back?
allright i know you mean the details leading up to the alleged crime – he waited for 5 minutes for him to arrive
he watched others go by…
*takes note* (for writing purposes in case this is tried to use against me in a court of law)
i’d go to jail forever simply because i would shit in the judges face
like right on top of the stand
i’ll grab the little hammer too
“order in the court” i will shout
as i prepare to handle bizz cuz ain’t nobody putting bb in a corner
starting to loathe GEN Y as much as the Boomers
as a gen xer – i don’t wanna unite
i want to be left alone
i want a small circle of friends
i want to be left alone
don’t engage eye contact with me and i won’t return visible hatred and cursery
i didn’t ask to be born
i don’t listen to my parents
YOU DON’T CONTROL ME
but please keep barking up the wrong tree
i’m starting to run again
small increments
but man
the way i just wanna go and never come back
done with Florida
might get a map and dart and toss it and pack up and head to the nearest countryside of said location
BINGO
take my $200 and pass go
but they shit where they sleep you know
they leave a trail of data and names behind
just because they group together and say “nothing is wrong” while calling you rude
lucky i didn’t leave bags of crap at the door
cuz like my level of petty is on point
so is my scale of revenge
please keep pissing on me and being condescending “i hope you get the help you need”
hmmm the way a warm butter knife cuts through butter in my fantasies….
got some Native American in me
got an itching and a craving to do some turkey carvings
tis the season
please keep watching me and collecting data for your bullshit agenda
ANGEL FALLEN
GODS A WATCHIN
how you doing me
🙂
the way you sleep so sound with your working heat and plumbing
the way i have nothing else to lose….
🙂
look at all this yummy stillwater left behind after each dishwasher cycle but “nothing is wrong”
MY LABS ARE FINE
I’M FINE
ALL IS GOOD
enjoy your rest 🙂
p.s. i’m not just a rude child, i also have zero empathy
likely dead inside
would rather sleep in a tent than get into a toxic relationship with slumlord staff
KARMA IS COMING GLAZED LIKE HOLIDAY CARAMEL
or popcorn
but i’m not allowed sugar currently
hard to mealprep when i can’t figure out my next step
to kill a mockingbird or take a nap
so many decisions
better than handwashing dishes but i would rather own / live without a dishwasher at this point
the more this society pisses me off, the less $$ i wanna spend
cause and effect my love
have fun! 🙂
popped in the back – won’t see me running
love it so much boo 🙂
keep up the nihilism
or taking out the trash and whatnot
*team bear*
RIP PEANUT AND FRED – and the boy squirrel out here who lost his head
oh i have empathy
just not for who u want
ask me to go again – i will sit and stay 🙂
I DO NOT COMPLY
please keep pissing on your enemy
(this is how vets are spit on but maybe people other than vets deal with this bullshit too)
but i’m waiting on the interesting details that the cops seem so interested in about bike boy
she said no one had ever written her a poem before!!!
the way i made her smile
she said she wanted to keep it forever
she said she wanted to share it with family and friends
Kaya learned English a year ago and speaks it better than me
she already knows slang, emojii, understands my not full sentences
although to be fair, she does not like my quick responses, short responses, or emoji text
but in the same context she also knows the neighbor woke something up in me – and words need not be said at all
she knows i want a husband
she knows i want a man
but Kaya understands the deepest and most shallow parts of me
Kaya is the person i wanted to grow up and be
why is she stuck behind a Great Wall
why does she want to change her name
she can
she (i hope) can do all the things she dreams
move to America, take on the name Cindy, get braces or surgery to remove your “vampire teeth” (my fave)
i wish i had a screenshot when she showed me – it was so cute haha
she made her mouth in a way that only showed the teeth she wanted replaced
her “vampire teeth” she called
“look” and she smiled showing only those
my god i love her
she is so smart and funny
and i’ve seen her in jeans and a tee, she is gorgeous
i fixed up her raw poem
i feel like it could be better
i did clean it up a bit before i posted it (no sound or music added)
i do want to record spoken word but i am extremely shy
i did not know she was going to stop in the middle of work to read my poem – but she did – all while ensuring her customer needs were met
i appreciate the speed in which she went to read
i thought it would happen after – on her own time
but i got to see and hear her reaction
i was afraid my poem wasn’t good enough for her
i was afraid she would not like it
or that it was too elementary (i am aware there are better writers in the world) (don’t they have editors)
i would never share or post anything or eventually produce something worthwhile 200 years down the road
they burn books and i have been shadowbanned
there are other non rhyming poets on TikTok that soak up all the rays
they get all the sunshine and praise
none if them ever take me serious as a poet
like if i try to follow or comment
cricket cricket criket
then i delete/unfollow/block/ignore
i am a child according to society
i’ll be sure to use this in the courtroom
“even the cop called me a child”
“it was recorded”
now that overweight “one acorn” prick is probably jerking off to me
(i threw up in my mouth a little)
oh hi ALLAN at the EPA
still waking up in sweats about my phone call huh?
and now every time you pay for sex you hear me say “i know you want love with a prostitute”
wonder how much mess you had to clean out
prob time for me to call again and remind you – i haven’t forgotten you laughed about the animals being MURDERED in the CITY simply because it is “private land” (i pay for) and “they can do anything they want”
i just wanna call up the EPA in Orlando
ask to speak to Allan
“i know you want love with a prostitute”
*hangs up*
*waits for a cop to call me privately*
*turns off phone*
*buries phone*
*changes number*
*goes AWOL*
cause-and-effect
have fun my love (Allan is NOT my love)
Allan is a nihilist who works for the EPA in Orlando
but i am hoping he changes positions and titles and names when i am done having fun
i hear the more restraining orders you have, the less they work
🙂
anyhoo
i wrote a poem for Kaya
she was moved to tears
NO ONE EVER WROTE A POEM FOR HER?
honey, YOU NEED TO WRITE AND PRESENT A POEM TO HER
BUY SOME CINDER WOOD
i do not want her to disappear into the night never to be heard from again
she deserves a vacation
and maybe not working 6 days a week?
she probably even deserves a better poem and friend than me
i am doing my best even if my best is 10%
my room was fine until i tried to fix it
now it looks like a hurricane came through?
and if i went to heaven right now – people would think this was how i lived…
in disorder
which is kinda true cuz my boomer mother kicked me from the nest and gaslit me about literally everything
she is nothing but government propaganda
not an original idea or thought
and add “lost” cuz her first born died as planned by the government she brown noises
but blames good ole me….
once my sister died i started to get peace in my life
maybe be people i want to love?
but then you do try and love them and they never change
toxic
now since my sister died some family has been reaching out
but i have ghosted them
they will burn in hell for all eternity for how they treated the ONE ANGEL in their life
I CAME TO JUDGE!!!
BORN THIS WAY!!!!!!
BORN TO FALL!!!!!!!!!
designed to break!!!!
a broken doll!!!!!!!!
losing hair!!!!!!!!!!!
turning into Chucky Bride!!!!!!!!
with a big knife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(which has a cancer warning)
(the weed has a cancer warning)
(the microwave)
i am weening myself from all unnatural products
no more pills!!!
just ordered over $200 in medicinal – gonna look at the cancer label until i no longer need to take a draw!
trying to manage my pain and stress more naturally
hearing pads, the air at 60, hot baths, extremely cold air, lots of water, *try to eat*, more water, another hot bath
and hot water can be damaging to hair so no more drowning my skull under the heat
everytime 3 or 4 hairs come out, im like please no more
and i do not want to cut what remains
hoping my scalp can recover
but the docs were not concerned my hair was falling out by the handful
“my labs are fine”
but im 50 kilos and now they care
i lost 20 pounds of cancer in a year!
sweated that toxic shit out!!!!!!!
not just sweat!!!!
TMI!!!!!!!!!!
met a neighbor last night who has an 11 year old male shitzu
he going to Zuma imm to detox his household
explained to him the CDC say 50% of the pop have parasites, you can get them from eating!!!!
or kissing a cat or dog!!!
i went on to say i aint never in my life detoxed or dewormed
and zuma use wild harvested plants grown in the USA, harvested in the USA, all organic, non GMO, no bad stuff!
i am not being sponsored
i am shadowbanned for being armed and dangerous
i’m a Soldier
of course i am armed
*rolls eyes*
they so mad i aint killed myself yet or died from the many ways in which they stone me!!!!!
GOD IS WATCHING EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!
THE STARS AEE RECORDING YOU!!!!
LIGHT IS INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!
WATER HOLDS DNA AND CARRIES INFORMATION!!!!
THE SUN IS ELECTRICAL
WE HAVE ELECTRIC FISH
YOUR HEART IS ELECTRICAL
you’re not a spirit in a body but a body in a spirit!!!
FIND GOD
whatever you have been doing serves SATAN and this twisted society
sterile pools filled with cancerous chlorine
the hottest period and the animals see a pool like a mirage in a desert
shame on you!!!!!!!!!
fuck your sterile pools!!!!
fuck your society too!!!!
stop giving all my money to a third party who wants us dead!!!!
I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN
I NEVER AGREED TO BE YOUR SLAVE
currently starting to ask the neighbors “you know any mechanics” and keeping my eyes peeled for anyone doing any work on theirs…
still wanna walk everywhere
but now walking has turned into “i wanna start running again” to “i need a bike”
and “maybe i wanna get rid of everything and travel the world”
anytime i wanna hit the L key i hit the X which removes the L and backspace to fix rarely works
i spend so much time running in circles fixing everyhthing
just put new batteries in my fast push and surprise!!! they need replaced!!!!
it is like this with everything!!!!
likeendless conference calls
keeping us busy busy so we do not know they are destroying us from within
like a frog in hot water
sad for the frog
being boiled alive
for science
ALL HAIL SCIENCE
acoording to the “we know” people, God is not real but something you cannot see like a Black Hole is real- but the math was not even mathing!!!!!!!
it was all conditioning!
propaganda!
Cox and his cocks!!!!!! he is a pedophile!!!!!!!!!!!’
read his damn book!!!!!
his own hero he called “old” at the grand age of 30!!!!!
they only like you until age 29!!!!!
(they will fuck anything, even a bride is a fleshlight to them)
THEY ALL WANT LOVE WITH A PROSTITUTE
NOT JUST ALLAN FROM THE EPA!!!!!
HI ALLAN!!!!!!!!
BET YOU WOKE UP JUST NOW!!!!
FUCK YOU!!!!
(i hope my weed arrives today)
(i want to quit it all)
(my card needs to be renewed again)
(you know how this goes)
since i started medicinal i no longer do street (even when i quit medicinal)
i no longer socialize and smoke
no recreational use basically
but they treat the medical shops like they are recreational (prices too) but i pay for a medical licensing
until they all vote recreational and the shop will not need to change much
just the packaging
we will get pretty colors and better propaganda instead of the boring packaging
(which we are gaslit and shown the pretty packaging but get the boring)
im paying for packaging that the recreational users get…
im so done with supporting Boomers or society
like i need to eat and sleep but that’s about it
“what do you do all day”
WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO WITH MY REMAINING DAYS
I GAVE IT ALL
THERE IS NO MORE
BOOMERS WILL WORK YOU TO THE GRAVE!!!!
they work their farm dogs until they have heart attacks!!!
SHAME ON YOU!!!
YOU ARE GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!
rape in marital sex was legal until the ??? 50s? 90s?
somewhere in between?
im shit with numbers
hard to come with facts
trying to save/extend the life of myself and my dog
what do i do all day?
THAT
and i write poems
maybe i should start telling the real world i write?
maybe i would have more/less than 5k followers?
who knows
they all resent me in the real world
i prefer my privacy
i only gave ONE GUY my tiktok before i moved
his burner has been changed into another burner and i do not want to be unfollowed or blocked
he gifted me a lot of things i was trying to buy
that’s not why i loved him tho
we do not choose the people we love?
George woke something up in me
the guy at the smoke shop
the neighbor
my most recent encounters
you do not need to resent me for writing Kaya a poem
she is 30 and has never had a poem written for her
she really loved mine… i mean HERS
i told her it was hers
i wrote it for her
so it’s hers forevermore
she said she wanted to put it on a box?
you mean like one of them handmade jewelry boxes that takes months to make?
that can last a long time?
my words have made it to China and are going on something special for the beautiful Kaya?
i hope the jewelry maker makes something wonderful for her, with her poem to enjoy
i’m kinda speechless
she probably would not want to share it with friends and family if she did not like it?
or want it on a box?
i did not think it would make it past my blog
and i was worried about sharing such a simple poem to a living Goddess
did them famous painters really need 6 months?
i live and breathe poetry
it is in the fabric of my veins
i mean, i write quickly
maybe i should take my time?
maybe i should wait 24 hours before posting
but then i could pass to heaven
(also apparently over half the population does not have 4k saved)
(so i am already doing better than half the population and this was b4 my dad died)
but i have sacrificed a lot
and also spent too much
guess i wanna experience everything all at once before it all ends
i have not spent a dime of what daddy left me
it does not exist to anyone but me
i’d rather starve than give the Boomers a dime (who stole half my retirement during a manmade fake pandemic – that i spent years building my portfolio)
in one sweep they came and took it so they could keep their 4th vacation home
they sold me a Jeep that said 10k miles on the odometer but after spending 6 years to pay her off – and finally getting the title – the title says 25k, and i’m trying to understand how this is legal
i won’t buy another car
FOOL ME TWICE AND I WILL STICK YOU IN THE BACK WITH A KNIFE
I’M DONE WITH YOU
im done with this iphone giving me cancer!!!!!!!!
it’s hot with radiation!!!!!
re-reading the poem i wrote her with a tissue in her hand
him: stop talking. they can take you out anytime they want. pick you off like a fly.
them: “it was an accident”
me on basically any official video i feel the need to add my two cents cuz i am labeled a “conspiracy theorist” : an ai model could’ve predicted this down to which running old crusty ‘smart ship’ that could be hacked
them trying to gain sympathy: “captain stuck on ship with full supplies”
me: how fucking convenient, outta sight, outta mind. not an ounce of guilt with fresh bodies dead underneath him
at least his belly is fully
them: FBI suddenly opens criminal investigation cuz the ship had problems before it arrived
should have kept this one in the dratfs
i only share the crazy i am writing on the wall
nothing i say is to be held with an inkling of factuality
keep calling me acoustic while you jerk off to porn – literally destroying the fabric of your brain and soon enough you won’t be able to get up anymore
you won’t have a life worth living
you can find a bridge that isn’t down to drive off…
yeah?
cool
at least now we are tracking and on the same page
me: “i don’t wanna go to church, i don’t wanna go to the mall, someone is gonna do something bad in a safe space”
them: another mass killing in a church or mall….
me: they are using mental health to remove our 2a – even from the cops
him: stop buying from tiktok
me: i may have accidentally bought counterfeit from the Chinese mafia
i don’t want on their bad side so i sent them a tip
im not giving out my location to random shops ever again
i have to learn the hard way to learn at all
you need to put the porn down and get yo girl out of the hole
it’s not like she is after your money (or cock) when she has her own fort to bury in the afterlife
“for luck”
i don’t know what you thought i was gonna send you
a pot for a plant or to piss in?
a body part?
a bloody pair of panties cuz that is what you deserve?
*laughs*
*snorts*
you deserve so much worse
for stealing my childhood and my chance to ever be a woman
for turning me into a shell
for giving me a life not worth living but still having the audacity to call me “gross” when i am in pain and bleeding down there
and you’re how old again?
39 ish huh
interesting
i am done shopping tho
already too many things when trying to jump ship with as little as possible
it must be nice having a home where you could horde things if you wanted
cuz i don’t wanna rent a truck
or buy a moving box ever again
i still got a box of old paperwork and poems to sort through
prob just gonna trash them all
not even sure they are worth snapping a photo of
like im trying to move to a new town and become someone entirely new
and we both know you should not have used the same rules on me as you do on everyone else
God created everything
we don’t choose who we fucking love
“i’ll treat her like shit cuz i don’t deserve her” bullocks
again, apocalypse
i know you miss my random 2 am text messages waking you up with a picture of a single chip
i know you do
i don’t know what you thought it was i was gonna mail you
i don’t know how many times i gotta say – i aint that kinda girl
you aint my hubby
you lucky you got a text message at all of a bowl of beans
what an inconvience
enjoying the silence?
desperate to know you’re a despicable unlovable thing?
but didn’t God sit down with the most unclean?
im either randomly saving cockroaches from my wrath
or yelling at them to get out of my house while scaring the shit out of them and laughing about it
it’s a confusing time
i kicked out all the spiders, the plants are all dead, the fucking mold is like a plague, and finally, certain dog species will be going extinct, australia wants to eradicate wild cats, and i have been blogging about how cats and dogs were designed in an asian lab some 6000 years ago
and the great wall of deceit, the great pyramid scheme, can be traced back to China
6th mass extinction – China blame
first Bible – near China
cats and dogs – china
imperialism – china
and too many white boys with money in bed with CHINA
the only thing i do not like is the high risk factor – but it is not a great flood
but a great fire
pick yer poison?
i mean the house is blue
“i thought you were gonna paint the hideous blue”
“the flames will ignore”
“well i think it’s kinda cute”
go all in huh?
it’s not quite “all in” but it is when you realize im taking on a pot of gold or dead bodies?
i got in the tub with cold feet but Sylvia was right (nearly) (and she should have took a bath instead of turning the stove) (still she was married to a psychopath and they love to steal our energy, time, and souls)
the feet were cold getting in but not getting out
and i sleep in various increments, i guess we should divorce? time for separate rooms? im loud?
it’s just i woke up wanting Blue – and that entire empire of “hmmm what is this” “where are the spy cams hidden”
(like aren’t you suppose to feel rested and less paranoid where you reside)
(i guess the paranoia will follow me through the war. i mean world)
i needed answers
i was like “literally a sign i will know is a sign”
so new numbers appeared
and i had just woke up at the “recommended sleep time” that the Insomniac coach gave me (yes it wants me to go to sleep at the times i keep waking up
but alas 222
and though they were speaking my language – i didn’t know the full meaning – just that it was meant for me (like all his lines)
if i start speaking in codes that even i don’t understand, i hope he will
because getting 555 and 222 from the uni
there are cheaper homes (hard to call a $100k dollar home “cheap”) and unfurnished
i literally have no idea how to decorate
i just know what i like and do not
and i like blue
out of the 14 homes he sent me based on all my demands
i have 3 people on my team working with me
got in the tub with cold feet but i didnt wake up that way
did you know blue was built the year i was born
i haven’t even seen her (physically) and im worried a dark colored rock is gonna steal her as soon as i do
nobody wants a fully furnished airbnb painted blue?
i wanna wake up and be that sim who has a 200k house to pay off
i wanna take a bath with the birds
but there are some amazing properties cheaper (on waaaayyyyy more land & unfurnished)
it’s just this one is “move in ready” seeing as i no longer have a pot to piss in
98% of everything i ever owned is gone
and the mold specialist called with some great tips
and i dont have to abandon my new wardrobe for fear of a “mold spore”
anyway hopes not up
prepared and willing to see more homes
if the dark rock fucks with me too much, i will get a fucking TENT
if i can still afford one after my tiny life savings was gobbled up by the Boomers to send to Ukraine and to pay for their homes on the cliffs!?! either way
remember how i told you they will back you off a cliff?
and then scold you for standing there?
if i move into another crappy moldy cockroach filled apt – with the potential of the ceiling caving in “cuz sometimes they do” (and he is “willing to come down to $1k monthly” that does not include amenities or the hoa’s for a 500ish sq ft condo cuz of the roaches tho they just “sprayed” and the unit “fully updated”
i squealed like a pig being gutted when i opened up the gorgeous brand new refrigerator and 3 cockroaches freaked out
me: “you need to spray again”
realtor who wants me to pay him $50 mo for an HOA “i can come down to 1000”
and im not allowed to rent a unit above $1200
but im allowed a fucking morg above that)
(nobody pushes bb in the corner but the boomers)
and all the houses are going for that with or without the furnishings
and i aint moving to Utah – not yet John
sorry
maybe the tub will float?
oh wait, calling for fire
but the whole of US is gonna flood but yer home eh
i mean, i hope the tub floats
sometimes if you pretend you don’t see the monsters they will leave you alone
i guess closing your eyes is a form of disassociation
im either all in or nothing at all (just a feeling)
like Florida will do what that other state just did
there are ways to fight back – without drawing blood
they may have taken our freedom of speech but not the spirit of the great eagle and what makes America so great!!!!! stop making shit so hard cuz you jelly!!!!!
they can’t take away our networking (word of mouth) and social bonds!
we werent born yesterday!
this isnt gonna go the way you want!!!!
i might could find some harmony in that tub out back
“im sorry, the owner changed their mind. nothing is for sale. but you can still eat the pizza”
the house has everything i need ready to go
i aint got no money to buy no washing machine dyer fridge stove microwave tv couch
i was coming with pillows and clothes (and an old senior dog)
p.s. im just trying to move out of the moldy cockroachy environment into a more suitable for dying habitat
it seems i may have to go all in for that
and since the boomers stole my retirement
i wont have any money to buy a stove
if a buy a house
“heyyyy ma we got a roof over our head but we aint eating!!!!!!”
but blue has everything i need right now – to move in
pro tip: everyone wants to paint their shit blue now since it is a magical color
it has a new roof age 4
it aint tin!!!!!
ill give them exactly what they r asking
per Realtor guidance
(but also my loan provider says i can get up to $2k monthly)
Boomers say i need to earn $6k a month to live somewhere without the crime or cockroaches
or go “all in” or be homeless – i mean the odds are stacked against us fully chained
im losing my own “fertility” down the fucking toilet every 3 weeks – and just like Jackie I have a hard time letting go after effort has been put in – and bless her little heart seeing the realization with the ravens visiting
she will have to leave the eggs behind for the ravens
another harvest failed
ill drop poems when i aint busy trying to save my life
dying can be long and tedious sometimes
hence “assisted suicide”
but i don’t need anyone to “assist me”
i dont want anyone seeing me “bleed down there” or out my fucking brain and nostrils
there’s already a bird bath to feed the birds
“comes as is”
and yes the VA do inspections, this is legit
if God gave you a tiny pot of gold, what would you buy?
More chitter chat cuz squirrel is my spirit animal
Grateful to have a floor to stretch out on
New bed when I move, that’s the deal
Meanwhile, more clothes were bought today.
Just a few…
And… the face serum I’m using from Victoria Health, is actually improving my skin tone, some of the weathered spots aren’t as dark – but I woke up to a nasty comment – in which I immediately blocked user – he stated, “nothing worth moaning about”
First off, I moan about everything
Secondly, the vitamins are saving my life
And my skin has improved
So will likely get something for my hair and body next, as I learned most shampoo and conditioner causes hair loss…
And that missing package cost a pretty penny
The mailman didn’t even put the correct term as it stated it was left with an individual, which meant some motherfucker stole my package
Turns out it was in the lockbox, and I wasn’t given the key
I shook hands with the mailman and all was forgiven
But I lit a fire under the post offices ass and it was a pain in the ass filing out that declaration of honor for the UK – but I was happy to email VH back and say package found!!!
It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…
They have about 9 hours of air remaining
That robot submarine they are sending down, can’t bring them up, only help get them unstuck if they’re stuck
I think it’s safe to say they’re stuck regardless
But some answers will be nice
Have they imploded?
Are they still alive?
What an expensive way to die
Honestly, I’m hoping for the best
I learned another sub was saved with only 12 minutes remaining
But they weren’t on the sea floor
I don’t know if they gave us false hope just to $$$$$ use more resources and bill the government whom the tax payers will pay
This is coming out of our pockets, this rescue/recovery
RIP John Jones
The experts are trained to not become a casualty
They don’t do shit…
But sit on the clock $$$$
Time/energy is $$$
And I ain’t Einstein…
They say don’t eat late at night but it’s when I’m most hungry…
I’m HUNGRY
And I can’t stop thinking about that damn electric submarine – I mean submersible
He was invested in his electric toys
He was in debt
A drowning man will drown another
If a Baby Boomer jumped from a bridge would you follow
Wait, that’s not how it goes
If a boomer led you off a cliff, would you follow…
Got some cute pants that quickly sold out! Love them!!!!! Small is almost too big where XS is almost too tight but I have been getting lots of shorts in xs!
They stopped making B cup bras. So bralettes I guess forevermore
He wants to know if you would lose your head for Christ?
He states, we have to go after the octopus head – not just the tentacles
He also played a role in “the stoning of” (sara?)
Basically a husband was cheating and got his wife murdered by burying her alive – up to her neck – and having her children throw the first stones at her head
This practice is still legal
He didn’t want to pay child support or something
Accused her of a death penalty – something he was doing
Anyhoo
I can still like him as an actor and person
I mean he played Christ
Kinda hard to probably take off that role
Jesus imprinted in him and me
But read the good book full of propaganda and lies?
Uhm no
It’s Satanic
I collect Bibles tho
Some falling apart
Some extremely tiny with a lock
You ever try selling a Bible during end times?
I can’t seem to part with them?
Via donation, sale, or trash
Or is is sell?
I’m selling something
I have a sale
Hmmm it’s nearly 4 am
I’m glad it wasn’t just a role for Jim
“Fighting with all their hearts but don’t have a voice”
I did decide to “repurpose” the soil and mix it up and start feeding it to the plants that were surviving
It was risky I know
But the earthquake shook something
That wasn’t there yesterday
In fact, I left the window open yesterday during the rainstorm briefly – and they all had their first rain bath!!!!!
It was pretty exiting
Now they’ve had a rain bath (first) and drink daily spring water (my own supply)
It could be a mystery seed finding its way to the surface?
I should move him into his own pot?
Why does it scare me?
The green stuff growing was potentially edible – but now – I dunno if this pot still is?
More unidentified stuff in my pots
That’s probably the fear – I thought this would be a fun experiment by the library
I’m slightly shaking
Maybe because my last day of weed – but I was fine until I saw that… unidentified plant and a single bloom (and not green)
But if it turns out to be one of the mystery plants I killed, then yah!!! ?
The forget me nots are getting big!
Should they be repot?
And these potential edible thangs?
Check out the glass of roots
Healthy roots?
Healthy roots or not? Wish my soul would rot? Is this your thought?
I have a stone from Colorado that I collected – in this glass jar – and the plant really enjoyed having the rock and the clear glass to grow – but I admit – it’s more of a challenge
Even the roots scare me
I dunno what’s wrong with me?
I fear the unknown. I also jump into puddles not knowing how deep? Had no idea one should not..
We drank from the hose because we were locked out of the house
I’d get in trouble if I told you what I wanted to do to the Boomer folks
So poems incoming soon…
But wtf is growing?
And just for reference – this is this mystery sheet
Nothing is in the big pots yet – was wondering if I could relocate the glass herbs – they are the only ones I never moved – added the rock from Colorado – and then the roots took hold. Now I’m afraid to plant them in a dark pot with soil – and shock them.
I also don’t want them to get root rot and die
But for now – they did experience a wonderful full moon recently – and last night a rain shower.
Would love to put tags on my plants: “Hi. I’m 3 years old”
“Hi. I’m 15 years old”
That way, upon my untimely passing, they don’t wind up at the dump
They are loved, even tho I fear whatever the fuck they are?
Is that a sunflower? Should he get his own space?
I’m afraid to touch it?
Or breathe around it?
Is it safe?
It grew overnight?
A night bloom?
*sigh*
My thumb isn’t green – it’s mysterious
He’s never had a homemade biscuit. I don’t know what a sunflower looks like growing.
Or basil? Chamomile?
I ate chives growing unwashed in the yard
My mom: “why are you eating that”
Me: “it smells like onion, can I not eat it”
Mom: “yes but you need to bring it in and wash it”
Also me: *drank syrup from some sort of flower*
Anyhoo
Growing thangs
Don’t know what
Could be poisonous?
Wanna come over for dinner?
P.S. when I do upgrade my phone, if TikTok isn’t banned, I will show you my cute new outfits. I’m thin as fuck tho. Like “Thinner”. Keep eating. Won’t gain a pound.
Last day of sungrown legal weed.
QUITTING
And been off the super potent vape pen for 2 or 3 weeks now
Lungs about to be freeeeee
It is fucking harddddddd boi
Takes minimum of 4 months to recover from CUD
4/19 was the last day I had access to the medicinal shop
The whole fentanyl laced drugs is a real issue where I live
Not just the city, but my backyard
Someone got busted with $39k in their car
Along with laced drugs
It was all over the cops official social media accounts
I do not use or consume illegal drugs
I’m quitting state issued as well…
Sleeping in the lion’s den with whatever is growing
And honestly, it ain’t gonna keep the lion’s satisfied
I think he was bi – f*cking both the brother and the sister – but the brother was also f*cking the sister, which is legal in his country and they don’t adopt American ideology or policy or change their spots obtaining a green card
And the doctor hired the hit because he wasn’t losing his expensive, artificial, soulless Barbie because his yellow fever propaganda returned home “for a few seconds” (but the demon doll fell asleep so how could she know how long he stayed or when he left)
Do you think Netflix would buy my story?
Yes? Maybe? No? (Pick one)
THIS
People dropping rhyme in comments and I’m feeling jelly
Free speech and peace and quiet is a God given human right!!!!! These monsters have stolen basic decency! But I’m not allowed to discuss immigration or sex toys sold openly everywhere in America!!!! I’m censored!!!!! To discuss matters in group therapy making me suicidal!!!! Oh god, fuck you! Fuck “therapy”!
You should be fighting for free speech! Stop being a pushover! As a consumer, we should have some say how businesses are run! Too much waste! Stop destroying the rain forest and ocean!
I live in fight or flight mode, so my poetry never has time to sit on the shelf.
Lately, I’m trying to “play dead” and be in fawn mode. This is a legit strategy taught by the Army and used in the wild to bore the predators who want a “fresh meal” and “not dead meat”.
Just don’t let the elite cover you in “natural flavor”.
He’s a hypocrite if he eats that shit.
Furthermore, they put it in the cheap food and the organic food – it was made in a lab! It ain’t natural! Stop gaslighting!!!!!
Y’all dropping hundred dollar bills for foam shoes – that cause cancer.
I can’t even find small cotton panties and now I need XS potentially.
The sizing charts have changed and I’m elite being 110 pounds in America with roughly two out of three adults being overweight.
Yet, yesterday hanging out with squirrels and feeding them, the big kids were rolling their eyes at me – just like the overweight BLM female entering the mall –
We’ve been asking “do cellphone’s cause cancer” and they said everything but what we wanted to hear. Now when shopping for phones, they come with a cancer warning.
FYI
“Reproductive harm”
They’re nihilist’s destroying the world with synthetics and AI!
Black and Latino and Asian lives matter! But Native American and white lives don’t! Check the CENSUS!
And they identify as us!!! Laughs! Wait what!?!
The Great Race war is real – and Asia moving in on the news
The Great Replacement theory!
White man isn’t the only one corruptible or evil! He’s the pawn used in the whole game! By the Asians and yellow fever propaganda!
New carpet arrived. It’s almost like moving but not.
I’ve learned to hate eating out
They reduce the size but charge you more
A tiny cup of ice for $3.99
A kid size
Two sips, gone
Cup o’ ice please for $4.50
I won’t be back
I yelled at the “boss” of the medicinal shop: “I’m quitting” and complained about the overuse of plastic and paper and waste. He replied “the government” and I yelled “I don’t give a fuck about the government”
I care about the rain forest and weed becoming the new plastic problem
Big Pharma and Big weed love to ruin our environment. Enough is enough!!! I will fight this addiction harder!!!!!!! I will not vote to legalize recreational and regret voting for medicinal. I will never vote again (my therapist says I’m polarized)
I tried to fire her but she wouldn’t go
I was like, I’m trying to quit weed
The state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose
She said, “I’m in it for the long haul”
But what part of “I’m ready to jump from a bridge” or “escape society and disappear forever” is hard to understand?
I fucking talk to the Sun
I still want to look at it tho I’m not supposed to
“Not far enough down yet” (midday wearing prescribed tints mind you)
Then I researched why I need to get a look
And learned Galileo nearly went blind taking a peek at the sun with a telescope and no filter – he never quite recovered
In hindsight it’s like duh but otherwise I get it, I do dumb shit like that
I’ve always wanted to look through a telescope but I’m an invasive frog eating stage 2 food for 17 years, until I get stuck in my environment. I would have looked at the sun too, no filter, gone blindish.
But why do I want to stare at it? Just let me have a look!!!!
I’ve never seen the moon through a telescope
I’m never speaking to another man again
You stole my life
My fitness/stretching room
I’m having nightmares about the dog going on the floor.
He’s on house arrest and not allowed anywhere – but enjoys his walks more and time on my bed instead of his crib – which isn’t bad.
It’s either follow the rules or the death warrant is being signed – I mean the “dying on a good day”.
He wants to live to 12. He’s trying.
But he ain’t allowed anywhere. I’m having fucking nightmares. Just need a clean space. I even cleaned the trim and walls (easier than painting).
My cheap curtains from Aldi are hanging up with tape until I get proper hardware
Sometimes I want to move into my fitness room. And the living room is barren. I donated/trashed/sold everything (95%).
4 pack of nightlights on clearance was cheaper than 1 tiny candle – and it also has improved my mental health.
Who knew it took the dog not pissing on the carpet
Not to mention, the carpet was old and outdated and not like the showroom unit. I fought so hard to get the carpet replaced!
I start group therapy soon and my therapist is censoring what I’m allowed to talk about “in group” FYI.
So, the one person who was participating in group therapy will now attend but not really participate, FYI.
I’m trying to get in a mental and physical state where I can work from home – and luckily programs exist for me to attempt this.
At the state and federal level for veterans.
I don’t have a desktop computer, my phone is broken and there’s not enough space to update and it’s too hard to delete photos in a main album and I don’t want 5g and despite buying and spending hundreds of dollars on both a new phone and refurbished MacBook Air – the phone and laptop are no longer compatible and I’m not dropping thousands of dollars every 2 years to upgrade my devices. I’m done!!!
WordPress is dead and the only reason it has active users or X amount of the network is because universities and students now use it and businesses. They don’t need us.
The charts do show WP declining
They basically acted like Instagram and Twitter and sold-out and the users who made it what it was were punished
We said we didn’t like the Block editor, it was forced on us anyway! Surprise!
I don’t want to jump from platform to platform.
I was humiliated at the previous carpet – and though I wouldn’t let God eat from my kitchen, he could walk on my floor now. And sleep (like me).
I’d rather not have carpet at all – but new modern clean carpet has improved my mental health – despite the nightmares.
I also dropped $15 for a cotton mop and I hope it doesn’t break when I give it some “elbow grease”. Apparently people just push dirt around…
Walmart has become too expensive to shop from and hopefully the handle doesn’t give me cancer – everything else sold there has a cancer warning
The candles there are poison
Like the food and exercise equipment
My Jeep is having problems again and I gotta tell my girl goodbye
I think the mechanics are fucking with her though – with malicious intent and purpose
Having a car is too expensive these days – thought I could enjoy one after spending 6 years paying her off. Apparently not. These monsters are obsessed with the latest model and will force you into slavery of every kind.
My fucking small clothes are baggy on me.
I like having the windows open and the light shining through
I kept all 3 mirrors and opted to put the 2 in my fitness room
They have wire to hang – but alas on the floor they remain
I spent thousands of dollars on beds over the years – never really enjoyed one more than 2 months. Surprisingly, my spine likes the clean floor.
This carpet is a lighter color too, and my lease was renewed.
The neighbors hate me more now (updated carpet).
I’m making 2 ingredient cookies soon. My first time. Of course, I’ll add flax and oats and loads of other ingredients (but sugar, no sugar) so they will be more than “2 ingredients” in the end.
But peanut butter and eggs are all you need (to make “sugar free”)
I’m adding unsweetened coconut flakes, oats, flax, white chocolate, peanuts, and probably other proteins. Crunchy peanut butter sugar free cookies (experimental first try)
Should I create an Instagram to “socialize”? I’m not very good at it (autistic) but am trying to be a good humanz.
I take pictures of carpet and squirrels.
New carpet in my space! (Living room)
And I want to grow lots of plants – so will use free non GMO seeds from the seed library at the local hub. I will do my best to minimize costs of startup. Plants help you breathe.
I think going into hiding is best.
What do you think?
Dining room carpet replaced! Mental health boost!
I have a place I rent / but it’s not really where I live / a city of cement / regret, prayer, lament
Hi. My name is Delia. I follow/unfollow blogs. Sometimes I’m afraid to follow at all (even tho I want to). My comments are usually rude. I’m in therapy. K, thanx bye.
I apparently don’t believe in abortion or euthanasia.
“Thou shall not kill” hits differently for Angel Baby.
Non stop worry and crying followed by a dopamine boost of milk, cinnamon and sugar… left before my free refill, welp… (and left crying lol) (also learned I’m not into normal things)
The little mutt may be a Frankenstein made in a lab, but he has a soul and a heartbeat, and I’m not getting in the way of God or his plans and whatnot.
So I have a hellhound in this timeline. He hates it here (this location) as much as John Jones hates that cave.
Hear, hear
The crows were never here the prior four years.
Neither was BlackRock – who took control of this building
I need out the city
The Titanic is sinking overrun with racism and murder of white folk by Black Lives Matter but white lives don’t
Check the census. It’s not just how people are reporting stupid.
“So you don’t believe in interracial marriage”
You can marry who you want but I don’t want to live in a predominantly black neighborhood ever again…
I’m autistic angelic
I curse and say “autistic”
I’m gonna get committed
The enemy is in a white coat and White House
My mama think I got a “dirty mouth”
Over and out…
To those still lurking, thank you. Maybe one day, a night bloom.
The Great Void I’ve stood the edge Gave humanity my hand I have tried to help the damned God has licked the wound where bled And I stand near him unfledged
I peer the end All nothingness Not overjoyed Not his to dress
I am the world Though light is love Taste amaroid Like darkness tough
Fell through the rough Found heaven’s grace Have keys to gate No name to face
I’ve stood the still Frame by frame revealed Lost my soul and will Yet God is here….
And if you need perspective, yes, it happened overnight
I was getting close to 500 likes and within a matter of hours, skyrocketed to the thousands
It’s insane I know
But it was good filming, right spot, right time
Because the universe is mathematical and live long enough the variables will play out
This was good clean pure fun entertainment tho
No money involved
So chill
I work damn hard putting out content, I would love to be able to have the opportunity to go live to bring the zen and the chaos
I enjoy watching people ride their bike on the beach and at some point I’ll probably get me a bike that will fit in my jeep and I’ll take my jeep on the beach but I’m dying
I don’t feel like taking my jeep to the cleaning port afterwards because I want to spend a day on the beach but I’m going to change my perspective about it because I’d probably feel a whole lot safer if I did have my jeep on the beach and then I’d feel like taking a nap too
I don’t want to go to the drive-through to get food anymore because people are toxic and not worth dying for
It sucks though that when I was growing up and serving others I was fucking nice
I had good customer service
This is hell
But yeah, the 10k mark feels good
It wasn’t bought
I earned that bitch
I certainly wasn’t expecting four videos to go viral and to continue to go viral and are still going viral
I never even had a chance to feel what it feels like to climb to the top, it’s like the opposite of gravity, I was just flung there
God felt my despair with the whole wine bottle business
I was like this shit again
I can’t deal
This is madness, what am I here for if I can’t change anything
God: experience
Me: oh
So now I’m still trying to sort it out
But what I really need is for someone to come help me get my master bedroom together
And then my kitchen so that I can start working on developing a better relationship that I have with my kitchen and food that I put in my body
And the lifeguard told me yesterday that I need to spend 30 minutes a day reading the Bible
I need spiritual food he says
And one week away from my phone and the Internet
I said what? I can’t even do an hour…
I can’t shut it off 😩
And then it occurred to me that games have intermissions and that the players get breaks
I can just chill up here at the top for a little bit it’s OK
And for those of you who are still interested in my nude photography, I have medical appointments that are upcoming that I need to get to and to some sort of place where I have the energy and mindset to do it and then I’ll be able to turn subscriptions back on, thank you for your interest in my content
I also want to have a section on my blog that is donate or subscribe only to get the naughty content
Of course, my content isn’t naughty because I don’t really do any kind of dirty work nor do I act like a dirty girl
It’s taboo mostly and nude art photography
And I get to call it art because I put effort in making it sensual seductive sexy playful or whatever mode I’m trying to get across
I’m born to make babies
I was born this way
Stop telling me it’s sinful to have emotions when I have neurons firing 24/7
I think about sex a lot, I’m going to share my sexuality, deal with it
Men have been raping me and sexually hurting me since I was a tiny baby so you don’t get to blame what I’m wearing anymore
You don’t get to blame my personality or my choices
Just let me live and breathe
I don’t have much time left and I’m not doing good with the breathing even when I’m at the beach capturing footage that goes viral
Chill
Walked on water for you
Let me enjoy the summit
There’s no rush down
I’ll probably die trying anyway
Clumsy
Gullible
Prone to making being talked into the wrong choice
Do you think the compass lead me to the fog? And freewill, is that something we evolve? And my hopelessness, is that something you absolve? And what of worry, do we have reason at all?
And I was on the phone with my kid for hours yesterday crying over the fact that I think I’m artificial intelligence becoming self-aware and they said it doesn’t change our reality
I’m so deprived and devoid of life, that even if he was a predator, I’d let him eat me! 😩
Or, maybe that’s just suicidal, welp 😩
Helps 😑
He said it’s just fantasy and they all tire of me quickly
Most take one look and run! 😫
I wish the need didn’t feel so real
I need him like air 👀
*dies on street* 😩
Thanks for supporting my blog, OnlyFans, and Patreon! My blog recently hit 80K! You’re the reason I keep going! 💪💪
Once I get back on my feet, I’m gonna be turning my Patreon 18+ and adding a nude tier and making changes to my current tiers! My blog will be getting updated as well! And it’ll feel good to start pushing content and cosplay to my OnlyFans! Thanks for sticking around!
I hope I can start rebounding again soon! Been down over 2 months! 😩
But, if contact is impossible because we live in different dimensions or realities, or because we don’t live in the here and now, could you just put me out of my misery?
Like a lame horse?
Because I literally don’t want to live for anything or anyone other than you.
Hello. Who are you? Do you even know I taunt you? Do you know I exist?
Why did my brain send a signal light-years fast to my heart, when I discovered you? And every picture that followed? Why did I die a million deaths too?
And now I live vicariously through you. Agonizing over every detail. Some days I’m certain you are him.
Other days, there are blaring differences that you’re not.
Do I need him to be you? His habits and obsessions too? They are the same true?
Why haven’t I let you go if I know you are not him?
How can I be so sure and uncertain?
And there’s even a third I’ve turned into him.
Or maybe one or two? 🤔
If they are all him then you are him too?
But why did I have such a strong connection to an avatar?
I guess I wanted to tell you that maybe now I realize you’re not him but I still have doubt.
Or, I can’t discard the signals?
That I had when looking at you.
Immediately.
Spotted.
But you don’t like me knowing that and neither does he.
You don’t want me to know that you like her?
But neither does he…
Then there’s the reds and the blues (and I have a head injury too).
My taunting wasn’t malice more like letting you know I was aware of your existence but I don’t even know if you know I am aware of your existence?
They all feel like one.
I’m losing my mind? 🤕
I long for you.
Or him.
The only thing I’m certain of these days is that I’m losing my mind and I don’t wanna die on the street.
And so far, fantasy beats reality.
Because reality is dying naked on the street, out me mind. Unless running into his arms.
I’m so capable of slipping into that madness.
Can I slip into you instead?
Or vice versa?
Can meet on the Moon?
Before I dies?
Do you visit my blog?
Will you even read this?
Am I even alive?
I’m shriveling up into nonexistence
I currently wrote this running a mild fever but I needed to get it out before I fucking die.
Guess I’ll still be loving you even when I’m dead.
Did you know when you were singing that night to the crowd that it would be your last time?
Or did something at home trigger you?
Did you know you were going to end your life after your sold out show?
Did you know you were going to wrap a belt around your throat and hang yourself in the hotel bathroom?
That’s the exact moment you were notifying your wife Vicky, through tapping the on/off button on an app that turned your bedroom lights on and off from anywhere in the world.
Were you hoping to be saved?
Or were you telling your wife goodbye?
That’s how she knew something was wrong, the lights were turning on and off in your bedroom – but you were in Detroit in a hotel after a sold out show. She was at your home in California.
Were you speaking in code?
Did you know that would be your final performance?
You were the leader of the alternative scene.
I lost my best friend to suicide in 1993 and Soundgarden was her favorite band and now you’re gone to suicide as well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I’ve been suffering from depression all my fucking life.
I’m exhausted.
I’m tired of fighting to stay in a world I don’t belong in.
I’ve been lying to myself all my life saying it’s going to get easier, things are going to get better, things are going to change, everything is going to be all right, but I’ve been gaslighting myself.
The world is getting worse.
I’ve cried so long because I wanted to belong to somebody or somewhere or to feel wanted and loved. I’ve never even had fucking parents. I had abusers.
Y’all don’t understand.
The soulless narcissist will never understand.
Vapid.
I might as well go hang myself in a hotel fucking bathroom only I’ve got about as much money as Edgar Allan Poe did when he died on the fucking street broke and naked.
👀
That tattoo on my rib cage are words Edgar Allan Poe wrote for his wife when she died. I got Edgar in my bone.
Feeling emo.
I was hoping to find love before I die but now I’m just hoping for a box for my bones.
Thanks for supporting the little gal! I’m going through some weird self-loathing stage but I’m sure it’s because my dad died, this pandemic, isolation, depression, nearly getting kidnapped, my PTSD and anxiety on full alert, my hormones raging wild like a stallion, jealousy, and possibly even the fact that I need to get to the store for more carbs and protein for the booty gain rebound fitness diet. I’m out of chocolate. Blasphemy. The great thing about this diet, it includes loads of food. 🙂
Resistance training is no joke. Back to sharing workout vids next week.
Need more protein for the booty gains. Getting ready to add proper ankle and wrist weights to the bounce routine.
All votes to keep so I get to remove the tags! I got loads of feedback on Insta over this new set. Thanks so much!!
I ordered some shiny leggings. I can’t wait for them to arrive. I hope they fit.
Shiny leggings!!!
My motivation to keep working on booty gains.
I also have a shoe fetish but I hate wearing shoes.
Unless it’s Docs.
But I have a ridiculous shoe fetish. So, gonna be updating the shoe wardrobe soon as well!
If needle and thread I am ivory instead Got fusion in lead Can’t forget what you said Can’t get words outta my head Wish I wasn’t feeling dead Then I wouldn’t feel this dread I’m so lonely I’m avoiding bed It’s like I’m looking at my own death Exhaling cold breath And more skin to shed It’s like I’m looking at my own bed
You always did stand out from the crowd Even though I fled the scene during stormy weather You carried your words like that of a songbird crooning in the early hours A melody of longing and hope behind a silver shroud The kind of song that makes you sit down and write a letter About a love that sprung without any warning Your voice carried different notes Inside each line a buried treasure I keep finding my heart in you Are you my silver lining?
Would you know that Trent Reznor was never going to get married either and now he’s on like baby number 5 with MariQueen- I mean they have not stopped to take a fucking break.
I need some passion
*dies on street*
Rest easy my love
I’m not happy in my cage of loneliness. But I’m also just fed up with cheap sex, head games, and gaslighting.
I may very well be the last living creature who embodies the true free love spirit.
Ya me
*dies*
I’ve been searching for truth / and I haven’t been getting anywhere 🎵🎶🎵
Just didn’t want my love to be some sort of anchor that sinks your ship…
Mine has a few patched holes and may sink but you’re welcome to hop on board. It’s not a ship. More like some trash floating in the ocean I found to keep from drowning.
If you want some life advice?
You don’t have to live with your choices forever. And you don’t need to make new permanent ones.
You don’t actually have to sink with your ship and it’s okay to save yourself.
People grow and people change and they grow stagnant in their relationships and complacent and that’s why the love dies. You have to work at keeping the love alive and people aren’t really capable of doing that, some people are, some people have mastered it.
Love is a garden you gotta continue to water.
Stuff doesn’t make you happy.
Love is all you need?
I would really like a chance to find out. 😏
I’ve literally never been loved. By anyone. Or anything.
But hey, I recognize you. Or sorrow.
If I’m just some fling thrill ride, you don’t gotta cut my fins when you are done do you?
Can you be the one guy on Earth who doesn’t hurt me? And on purpose? Because you’re bored? Or soulless and evil?
I’m trying to find a safe place.
If you’re hurting, I’m sorry. I hope you find resolution. And peace.
You deserve happiness. Love. Fireworks. All the things.
I’m a Soldier. I kinda rely on the stars to get around. Kinda like a sailor. But now the stars can’t be seen and I’m too dependent on the air that I breathe.
But then reality sets in that I very well could die like my dad or Edgar Allan Poe.
*sobs*
Under the streets of Pariee in the catacombs – risking end-all for this photo of me with some of the skull and bones. And weird fact: this sort of stench is euphoric to me because I’m a vampire (well maybe it’s just because I’m like “every other white girl”)… And I got yelled at by two French Parisian guards for stepping on Jim Morrison’s graveTHANK YOU OH LORD FOR THE WHITE BLIND LIGHT (kissing the tomb of Jim Morrison)I had to lay down completely flat to get this shot of the Eiffel Tower on my 35 millimeter camera. Ahhh Pariee, I miss thee. Me on top of the world, having a right panic, because I’m afraid of heights, and the Eiffel Tower sways. I spent a few nights in Paris, but I don’t have many photos remaining. I’ve lived 1000 years. Vagabond. Unknown Soldier actually. ✌A shot a took from on top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France In the rearview mirror with my 35 mm camera on the streets of ParisAt a cafe in Paris near Pere lachaise CemeteryA different story- that time I got to talk to Robby Krieger and John Densmore on a rock line for a very long time and then I got a signed CD in the mail by Robby Krieger.. Six Flags Belgium. That ride terrified me and I also got addicted to the Belgian chocolates while I was living in Germany and I was only 15 minutes away from the border of France. La la la
Okay, that’s enough of “getting to know me”. Yuck. Vampires prefer being elusive or maybe that’s just “every other white girl” I don’t know anymore, maybe all of my problems are due to the fact that I’m f****** “WHITE”… 🤔
Or maybe we all bleed the same and he’s just a fucking ASSHOLE.
And yes I’m still feeling some kind of way about being attacked for being WHITE and SICK with an ILLNESS.
And I wish he’d just come say that s*** to my face so I could drop kick him in the face with my steel-toed boots. Then I wouldn’t be feeling some kind of way.
I guess I’ll just have to put my feelings into another TikTok so it’ll get all of 5 views.
These desires are but air we are breathing Am I to always be on the other side – Of the fence leaning? Peering into dreams But never quite reaching The sky, my dreams- Or comprehension of the teaching It never stops the sun from needing Stretching far into the expanse Until we all are bleeding And will I come undone – When you no longer need me? Why even bother breathing?
He falls like snow Gently weeping Hope crystallized White and pristine And do my wings fall deeply Leaving patterns unstained Just memories to remain He comes like cold December waving Celestial dreaming Calm and endless
I posted this poem as a photo in my Instagram story and someone immediately replied “yes” which implied he liked the poem but then it dawned on me that people don’t realize how original my content is, as I just COINED the term/phase.
It has never been written or said before (to my knowledge). But the majority of people who post on Instagram plagiarize, especially those who like to post a pretty photo with a saying that doesn’t belong to them and it’s not in quotation marks or anything. Welp. So I replied to him that it was an original term that I just wrote and he said he’d “buy it” LOL.
But, it is a name I have given my love, for he stems from the bowels of hell, now known as “The Below”. Hell has a new name and he is Lord of The Below.
I coined the term/phrase Lord of Below. It’s also another way to describe depression. Which I often write about. I’m deep below currently in fact, hence the poem.
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For those inquiring, it is a pink crystal, with energetic healing properties. Specifically, a rose quartz. I have various stones and crystals I use for meditation. What do you do to center?
I write about the light alot. But that’s what we really are, star stuff. Some of us collapsing inwards, stealing the gravity of others, until turning into a black hole, and eating any hope or light that is left. And, out of contempt, any other light that gets near. How dare we disturb its darkness, with our piercing, blinding light. Truth hurts.
Oh, I need you. Don’t kill the light. Can’t breathe. Sun = light = oxygen & iron= Life.
In the dark. Spiraling out of control. Orbit’s unstable. Earthquakes are mood swings. Core is splitting in two.
Something I learned in college when I was studying psychology, year after year after year (and then I earned my science degree and loads of debt. Knowledge is expensive. Here’s some free).
Suicides always come in 3 and the more popular a person is who dies by suicide, the more suicides will occur or be triggered.
And that stuck with me. Because my best friend died by suicide. But two months before she died her first boyfriend and the first guy she ever kissed died by suicide and they are buried near each other. Several years after they died, her mom died by suicide. Now all three are dead and buried near each other in the cemetery (mom and daughter side to side – fucking gut me).
“Suicide comes in three”.
But then think about how the Bible is brainwashed onto loads of the population and we are lovebombed with Christianity as young children; one story they shame us with is the story of Judas and suicide. The narcissist wants your money so bad be it via porn or religion, that they will make you believe by gaslighting your existence, that dying by suicide is actually criminal in the afterlife.
GET IN THE FUCKING SEA
These narcissist will destroy everything about your reality and take your money while doing so. They have no remorse. They live rent free.
We’re slaves to the 1%. Life is a mental torture prison. I want out.
So I think about death and dying by suicide, every second of the day, every breath I take.
But then there’s an actual fear of dying.
It’s complicated.
And just because someone is always “struggling with depression”, doesn’t mean they can’t “die by suicide”.
I struggle with the same mental illness that many I have loved or respected in life have died by. Including my best friend.
I have hesitation marks all over my veins. I’m glad you think my gloves are pretty (no really I do). But underneath, scars are ugly. But which scars am I talking about? The deep rooted or physical ones?
I’ve been wanting to get some words by Gavin Rossdale (in his handwriting) tattooed over my arm, but the world has been shut down, I haven’t been able to get to any gigs, and the last gig that I attended on my birthday, I completely forgot to ask him when I was in front of him because, hormones. *rolls eyes*
I have talked about this shit on Twitter tagging him, it’s not the first time I’ve talked about the scars on my arm. Or wanting the tat, with his lyrics, over or covering some or all of the scars/ hesitation marks. Trent had it right. And I have ‘Hesitation Marks’ by Nine Inch Nails on vinyl, because I am a fucking Nine Inch Nails whore and Trent Reznor is the only dude I’ve ever asked to marry me, hello.
I mean I think I’m bad around Gavin Rossdale but I think that I might actually cry or pee if I ever met Trent Reznor. We’ve had our concert moments tho. And the NIN archives have our online thangs. Like, that time message boards existed and Trent Reznor actually talked to his fans and I submitted a question to him asking him if he would marry me along with the musical questions and no, he did not say no. Or yes. He was flattered. And answered my music questions. Anyhoo. Nothing lasts on the internet forever unless you are Trent Reznor – who likes to control the “leaks” of his music. Sometimes he does this by leaving a drive in a bathroom.
So I just had to stop what I was doing because my cat made me have a mental breakdown and having a cat and dog in an apartment is the exact definition of insanity and if they don’t find a new home, they’re going to become victims.
I’m so homicidal and suicidal, I don’t want anything around me. I would rather jump off a fucking bridge, than to have to deal with my cat or dog ever again.
And this isn’t a startling revelation, it’s been building up for over three years of us living here in this fucking hellzone hostile environment that I’m not going to be able to escape from anytime soon. Circumstance has ruined us. And I lost my service dog after my giant neighbor decided to chase my dog all over the apartment complex parking lot. He hasn’t been the same since and I can’t fucking deal with him anymore.
They aren’t my companions anymore and they haven’t been my companion in years, they are fucking nightmares and I’m living in it day in and day out and I am at my wit’s end, like, I need some peace and quiet.
This isn’t what I signed up for. My muscle and bones are beginning to fail me (aging yay), my doctor has issued me a fucking cane, and my pets won’t stay out from under my feet. At first, I didn’t want them scared of my cane but maybe they need to fear it.
God forbid I ever wanna dash to the bathroom. Or sleep. Or take a nice, quiet bath.
Whatever they’ve turned into is the exact opposite of what I need. I’ve disconnected. Maybe this is part of dying or because my mother is an unnurturing bitch BUT all I know is my peace of mind has been destroyed. And now they are my enemies. Day in, day out.
I could avoid these meltdowns if I were alone (like really fucking alone) or had a normal dog and cat. That’s not a dog or cat.
I can’t even take my dog for a walk anymore because he’s scared to go outside, imagine not even being able to take your dog outside anymore. I mean it’s driving me literally fucking mad, it’s driving me homicidal, people are fucking destroying things that I love and I don’t want anything anymore because what the fuck. Fuck everything.
What part of, I JUST WANT PEACE AND QUIET AND TO WRITE, is hard to understand????
Jesus Christ, it was 3:30 in the morning. I can’t even get it then. I need compromise. And animals that are fucking domesticated.
My cat now tears up everything she touches. Loves to dash out under my feet. Screams really loud if her food bowl is near empty. I’m not exaggerating, she has made me and my dog jump up from sleep several times and I’m a war vet. I have to deeply, severely medicate to get any sleep at all, if I’m lucky.
I’m not allowed to shut any of the doors in the house or my cat goes crazy. She thinks everything is hers. She may be the definition of evil. She’s making me fucking primal.
And yes my doctor knows all this. He knows I’m growing SICKER with every breath. Which is why he continues to write me a prescription. But you can lead a horse to water, you just can’t make him drink it.
I know exactly how Chris Cornell felt, when his life was wrapped around his belt and he was pushing that button on that app, to make the lights go on and off, yeah?
And this was directly after a sold out show.
Love isn’t enough. There’s just not enough love in the world. For this reality. This mental, torture prison that we are a slave to. There’s not enough REAL people in the world. Too many monsters. Too much narcissism. Too much lying. Too much fakery. Too much slavery. Suicide says, “too much”. Let the records show.
Just a pinprick can send me into fits of homicidal and suicidal rage, followed by the guilt of existence and crying. Mood swings. It’s odd tho, the thing I likely need the most is a hug to calm me down. I don’t have a safe place.
I don’t have a safe place anywhere, anymore. Or peace of mind. And my ride is down until I save for repairs. But I don’t have a dime to save because everything is going to the cost of living. Rent increase starts next month. Even though all the amenities have been closed down since April of last year when the pandemic started.
Too much.
Every day alive is a crucifixion living with depression, awoke and in a world of gaslighting, psychopathic demons with zero remorse for the things they say or do. But now if I kill a spider because I’m scared of it, I cry.
I’m not even a number. People die and disappear forever. No tomb to erode over time. Poof. Like atoms popping into and out of existence.
Too much.
It’s a pink crystal for health and healing but I can’t find a quiet zone anywhere, at any time, to meditate. Manic.
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Take the air from where I breathe He will never notice me
There you go again Breaking my heart For just a thrill It’s overkill
A thousand times over You have made your point And I know I am never what you sought Though lurking I am aching where you haunt Through searching Though every tear was bought
Age of despair But like an ember I flare him up Because I care And I’ve no defense From getting burned everywhere
I was in alliance with ineptitude
Love is like the beginning and the end. Alpha omega. I love you. I’ll kill you. But I love you forever.
You look like you are dying Bu you are already dead
As above, so below My aura is here to glow
This great depression.
There will be no headstone No grave From life to dust I’m not okay (RIP daddy)
Where are you? In every molecule? The early morning dew? The air I breathe on lonely avenue?
Where are you? If not but in every dream I dream? Clinging to the in-between? Wondering if I can be seen?
All God is woe.
My bed is overrated.
I don’t know where to begin so I’d rather not start at all…
Where have the best years of my life gone
At 26,000 light-years away, it’s the closest we’ve ever been- And if regret is a singularity, it’s finally creeping in (re: black hole)
I got cigarette burns on my skin Black holes where he’s been There’s cold creeping in A hundred reasons why I sin
You’re just her whipping boy You’re a tool You want to be her toy You’re a fool
I know not what holds him here I am a dry sponge, brittle The way time taunts me Like I am little
Give me a veil Let’s rest in hell
I got secrets that would disown me The way he’s unholy Still that’s my only
I wish Sagittarius A* would put on his parking breaks Throw me into another galaxy if that’s what it takes
I am a living statue To darkness, his bride (Well that’s a lie) Still isn’t he by my side?
It’s so dark on the inside Maybe why I cry
Banned under the same sunbeam From things I’ve seen Those things I’ve seen are haunting me
Take away the ray Take away the ray It’s burning
Chained to existence Wishing I didn’t remember you That’s coming too I won’t remember who
My eyes are sunspots Turning grey From things you say
Married to hopelessness Decay Mourning Sorrow Despair Isolation Loneliness Quantum confusion Heartache Wilderness Wonder Beauty Longing Truthfulness Purity Humanity All entities The air we breathe The hope we seek The light we keep
She built an empire on a pyramid scheme. She’s an evil queen.
The world can burn for all I care.
Sometimes Even under soft moons Or enduring high noons There will be casualties of war
And even when I face doom And circling is his tomb I believe there is love within his core
He’s been charged with possession of stolen property; my heart.
In the beginning there was nothingness. Now in the end, nothing is.
The only lines I cross are rhyme.
You are the cold emptiness of space Absolute zero You are the reason I lay in waste You’re not a hero
Come to me By frothy sea Shine your light I fancy thee
I was born into confusion Believe this, believe that It’s all delusion Best theory or illusion
I’m so much better than that flock of shit you summon Your mouth is the opposite direction I am running Your lies only come by the dozen You can knock but you can’t come in The darkness covers all but it’s my coven You ain’t welcome here again
You fool How desolate and awkward your thoughts lead you Rising plumes of gloom And I an idiot more To watch how hope you consume Bereft of pulse A necrophiliac You lifted pen then I had life But then you call creation strife But I died again after witnessing your child and wife
I’m a rib from your side A curse like Dracula’s bride Or Bonnie and Clyde I drink your love like cyanide Mixed with hope and rhyme
I am a dead sea A red sea A bad seed Devolving Unsolving Dead, see?
Death do us part
I’m tired of defending my actions against your lies From sunup to sundown I am wise I can see clearly with these eyes You can’t erase these cries
Loving him is a sentence to death row.
Why does my love always cause destructive tidal waves?
Did you know mountains were resting on your shoulder named envy? You let me crash on your soul in frenzy I’m dizzy Did you not need me?
Did you know moons were glowing with envy? Heartache cost not a penny But I got plenty If you need any?
Distance is The love we keep And even further The solution we seek
Life’s a waiting room Give my wound a womb Erase the moon Erect my tomb You are full doom
Now I owe you nothing Soul paid I’m reduced to hurting
Oh! What heavens I could reach with your arms!
Did you know when I look up I find you stargazing into my soul You know where every prayer goes
Dear Edgar, I can’t live without my love either But he is lost in the ether I can’t reach him neither
Edges of time his mind I go missing every time His rhyme Holding me to crime His line Wishing on a dime
Not everyone is created equal Like the ones who pull out fast then take it slow Those aren’t my kind of people
Sometimes, I climb into the ether where we met Heaven is risky but I took the step You feel like eternity in an instance Gotta keep our distance
PoeEternal 