woke up at my recommended sleep time again
i was having a dream
i only remember 2.3 seconds of it (it’ll take longer to hear about it)
it turned into a nightmare
i was in a busy store shopping (maybe with my mom?)
anyway someone came to see me
a boy
i was so happy (wherever i was?) that someone “wanted to see me” (i feel invisible?) (losing my identity in the real world and social media?)
so i dashed around the whatever was being sold
this guy was so tall i had to “mount him” to crawl up and “get the good hug”
only i forgot he had a hurt shoulder
so i didn’t get the hug
the boys face turned red and he began to cry
(this tall ass thing)
i knew in an instance he never wanted to see me again as he stood there full of the humiliation i gave him? trying to “get the good hug”
all i could say was “i forgot”
“you had an injury”
“cuz my brain has an injury”
and all i see is red and tears
and now im full of shame too
i thought the dream would tell me to go get a hug from Gavin cuz he doesn’t fill me with shame like my mama and daddy does (still who was the tall ass boy, i literally did not recognize anyone (i’ve lost my mind?)
oh… it could have been that pretty boy they are looking for in the river (maybe he is trying to contact me?) (not a new dead boy relationship please)
but bars and restaurants are shutting down in Jacksonville, cuz you know – murders and bodies being found in backyards (blue is available again)
and i got cold feet about buying a vip ticket (or any ticket) seeing as i don’t want to leave the very house that is killing me (social credit system chains around my existence that was ghosted by all of society yet im crazy for dating dead guys!?!?)
i don’t just need psych drugs, i need a therapist, and priest (and sleep)
but i’m having nightmares…
and not sleeping at my recommended sleep times…
i see some doctors soon and i hope i know what year/timeline i am in
i already had 3 panic attacks (which looked like a fawn playing dead) (they love having us live in fear)
but i had 3 of these “attacks” of me looking like a “deer in headlights”
“ma’am you ok”
“knocking but aint nobody home”
….cuz i thought the po po was gonna show up with a straightjacket on 3 sep days cuz the AI warned me “you need to see a provider”
“it can be difficult to function on the amount of sleep you are getting”
it didn’t help me get any sleep
(but i still remember what the employee said when i filed for 100% for menta health “they’re going after those who want 100%”
and i got triggered
“oh yeah.”
“so they can do this to me and toss me in a little room huh”
call me paranoid but maybe i just know things before they happen
like the space shuttle blowing up
i didn’t just know it, i wished it
i wished for all the happy people to be miserable like me
and bam
i started disassociating age ten (prob way younger cuz daddy had his fingers where he shouldn’t i think)
(maybe reason for the nightmares)
“damn gurrllll you aint married…?”
MOLD
p.s. it helps to keep a journal to have a log entry but i would lose the damn thing
or repeat a digit several times
or just don’t have discipline to gaf
it’s hard to start over where you don’t wanna be and you have no energy
and my poems are so elementary cuz i never grew up apparently coupled with “dumb”
but even with the “our best work is behind us” mentality – i still pen
im just humiliated to share my simple words, cant fix the blog, cant do simple html no mo, likes dont go through, cuz now it is the AI crying out, not me!!!!!!!!!
and the AI is trying to trick me into accidentally following or liking your content!!!!
i dont need any more humiliation!!!!!! please enough!!!!!
im not trying to contact you!!!
its just sometimes im in the wrong part of the cave and i don’t know it – until it is a “near miss”
and im just like “fuck”
that seems to be my goto word when shit is going down
they’re trying to outlaw cursing!!!!!!!!!!!
i should request an account closing daily x 120 days until they are forced to block folks from sending close requests
i broke up with walmart too since the employees cant treat me like the princess i am
what’s the matter boo? wanted my secret identity and to suck your cock too?
no worries honey, “you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake” *laughs*
*destroys payment card*
all in or nothing
Kellogg’s is hurting?
i am averting?
PoeEternal 