the neighborhood kids were in their home playing with their windows open when i went to walk my dog

i heard their conversation change to “she’s small isn’t she” “yeah”

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people don’t leave me food and charms outside my door like they do Neo

i find live rounds instead… (yes i made the front office deal with it and i refused to file a report when the cops came)

i told the cops i wasn’t allowed to call them…

i’ve been threatened not to…

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imagine being paranoid and actual people after you

the children are very wise tho

cuz another day walking the dog they were outside trying to play (i think this was a diff group)

but they went from starting “hide and seek” to “we gotta get inside now”

“danger danger danger”

“my mom’s ex boyfriend is coming over”

“danger”

as they all rushed inside like they were fleeing for their life

and now hide and seek will be inside and away from the adults instead of with the trees and sunshine?

and so Sam and I also took cue to head inside our own lion’s den

cuz even children know men are monsters

and i didnt stick around to find out why

i just know they were not running from me

they normally wave and say hi

kiss the dog before he is allowed to grant permission

he has never liked children much

they move fast and he has anxiety

now he’s old, slow, has anxiety and a demon

it short circuits his little brain out

yesterday he was skip hopping down the sidewalk

the neighbor said “he looks happy”

“how old is he now ten”

“…going on thirteen, will be thirteen in august. he’s past his expiration”

“you told him that”

“well i mean he is, look at him, they won’t give him anything for his pain and sent me to amazon for anxiety meds”

“they won’t give him his good day”

“gonna wait until he has stage 4 cancer i guess”

“but right now his labs are fine and he just had a bath”

“a good day today but sometimes a bad week”

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i tell my dog everything, even some things he shouldn’t hear

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but the life expectancy for his breed and many dogs is ten

and he is trying to make it to thirteen…

and im always checking expiry dates

he knows about 200 words

and how to irritate every cell in my body

so he goes to his den when i am feeling triggered

and lately it is a lot

but den or good day?

cuz businesses exist that have the courage to give him what he wants

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