I want nothing more than to chain you up, blindfold you, gag ball you, and lick, claw, scratch, suck, bite, and tickle torture you, until you’re screaming for release.
Wrong chat? Cuz. I just wanted to make sure the poem said all that. 👀
Sorry, not sorry.
I need to do a TikTok video of me doing a “he loves me he loves me not” with me on each shoulder talking about how “it is him” and then my right shoulder is like “no that isn’t him” but then my left shoulder is like “oh it’s definitely him” but then my right shoulder is like “it isn’t him” and I continue going on with the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ while pulling petals from a rose for like 30 or 60 seconds, but I don’t know how to fucking make a cool TikTok video.
But ideas.
And then I get to play three different versions of myself , you know the angel on the right and the devil on the left and the me now pulling the petals….
Because that’s exactly what’s going on every fucking day this week.
I feel like all these moments need to be documented in scripture.
I need some lamb skin, I’ve got ink and a pen.
I feel it is my atoms popping into and out of existence and every three weeks bleeding out of me, painfully. My mind see’s eternity in you. And feels it too, puts my mind at ease. The ovaries too.
I love you.
I haven’t replaced my biology with big Pharma or plastic and I feel you through and through.
Your vibration like string theory.
Cuz it is real.
The multi-verse too.
Never once believed in the big bang theory.
The great pyramid scheme- TV, Consumerism, Money = slavery
Sorry- If there are multi-verses out there and it’s clear there’s other universes out there , I hope they’re doing a better job than we are, because we’ve been around for 6 billion years but somehow we’ve been manipulated to believe that we’ve only been around for 2000 years…
For what it’s worth- asteroid Apophis is real, and she is swing dancing with earth, she’s been here before!!!!
Saint Petey said “April 2-0-2-9 / the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour in fact is quite here” and he named her Apophis (all end)
He regretted getting the Alpha and Omega tattoos tattooed on his hands one night when he was drunk but he had a bad ticker too.
I haven’t got to work on my booty gains at all this week. Been working on my heart (and have been medically predisposed). But Monday, I’m gonna hit the rebounder hard. Trying not to stress out about missing days- my heart doesn’t need any more stress right now. In fact, it’s going to have to go through this shit even harder in a few weeks when I go in for round 2 of the COVID Moderna vaccine.
You can make a mess of things but I’ll be organizing it in a clutter. 😜
The good news is I got to my favorite store today and got some new spring lingerie!
Which set do you think I got?
That’s about all the energy I had to do. 🦋🦄🦋 (Part 1 of the Covid vaccine plus maybe also my BP being so low has just left me very lethargic).
I hope the new set fits! No energy to try it on yet but also not feeling the best about missing a whole week of working out! 🤢🤢🤢
From dudes ghosting me to trying to kidnap me off the street- I just ain’t feeling right…
Know what I mean?
You ever have some guy wait for you to come out of the store and then exit their vehicle and chase you down the sidewalk and then not take two no’s for an answer?
He actually went “hmmm” and started looking around the parking lot.
This is after I’ve told a stranger no TWICE that I did not want to go for a ride with him.
He still hadn’t left.
Now he’s going “hmmm” and his eyes are scanning the front door and parking lot.
He then looks back at me and my facial expression read: is this the part you now grab me and I fight back
He said “alright” despairingly and left. Finally. But it was the longest seconds of my life. Too many seconds after the second no was issued. Too many.
I spent the next 20 minutes or an hour believing he was following me and wouldn’t drive any route home.
I have not recovered.
You ever have a guy wait for you to leave the store, exit his vehicle, run down the sidewalk, and not take no for an answer?
And then watch him scope out in contemplate if he’s going to take you or not?
In broad daylight?
I don’t like getting out. It’s too dangerous being this dainty and cute.
I need a bodyguard. Hence, I’m packing weight soon.
Know what I mean?
I got a girl you want to meet her? Her name is 9 millimeter…
He falls like snow Gently weeping Hope crystallized White and pristine And do my wings fall deeply Leaving patterns unstained Just memories to remain He comes like cold December waving Celestial dreaming Calm and endless
This way to sorrow This way to despair This way to desolation This way to nobody cares
Was that your shadow leaping over my dream? What were you thinking while abandoning me?
The system is rigged everywhere Just leave me where I fell
The world is a drainpipe There’s not enough pills to gaslight It’s a battlehill And you make me ill
Was your vein not thick with poison Blood curdled and coagulated I pulled out every thorn Your heart turned into a floodgate
I need 1 sun-moon cycle where I’m not disturbed 24 hours of peace preferred
How easy he would come to me But what would he find? Scars and bits of broken pieces Unfiltered creases The ugly kind?
I don’t care about your joyrides Or do I?
What will I be known for? How I died? Suicide? But never the reasons for why I cried?
Dear Mother,
You only taught me how to suffer
Didn’t I write words of worth When you were nothing more than a speck of dust When any sun would bring you dirt I took the pain and made it work When all the world thought you a jerk I drank the blood and made you smirk When you were nothing on this on this earth I turned your no into a must
Drowning on rage Too much air in this cage
Warning signs were posted I suppose they go ignored He was a Japanese suicide forest And hope unexplored
How much times passes while you collate? Working around the second hand What kills the ache? Was it your best move? Or the worse you’ll ever make?
Harvest my disgust It’s fully ripened Polish off the dust You’ll find a diamond
I posted this poem as a photo in my Instagram story and someone immediately replied “yes” which implied he liked the poem but then it dawned on me that people don’t realize how original my content is, as I just COINED the term/phase.
It has never been written or said before (to my knowledge). But the majority of people who post on Instagram plagiarize, especially those who like to post a pretty photo with a saying that doesn’t belong to them and it’s not in quotation marks or anything. Welp. So I replied to him that it was an original term that I just wrote and he said he’d “buy it” LOL.
But, it is a name I have given my love, for he stems from the bowels of hell, now known as “The Below”. Hell has a new name and he is Lord of The Below.
I coined the term/phrase Lord of Below. It’s also another way to describe depression. Which I often write about. I’m deep below currently in fact, hence the poem.
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Thanks for checking out my blog and for supporting content creators!
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For those inquiring, it is a pink crystal, with energetic healing properties. Specifically, a rose quartz. I have various stones and crystals I use for meditation. What do you do to center?
I write about the light alot. But that’s what we really are, star stuff. Some of us collapsing inwards, stealing the gravity of others, until turning into a black hole, and eating any hope or light that is left. And, out of contempt, any other light that gets near. How dare we disturb its darkness, with our piercing, blinding light. Truth hurts.
Oh, I need you. Don’t kill the light. Can’t breathe. Sun = light = oxygen & iron= Life.
In the dark. Spiraling out of control. Orbit’s unstable. Earthquakes are mood swings. Core is splitting in two.
Something I learned in college when I was studying psychology, year after year after year (and then I earned my science degree and loads of debt. Knowledge is expensive. Here’s some free).
Suicides always come in 3 and the more popular a person is who dies by suicide, the more suicides will occur or be triggered.
And that stuck with me. Because my best friend died by suicide. But two months before she died her first boyfriend and the first guy she ever kissed died by suicide and they are buried near each other. Several years after they died, her mom died by suicide. Now all three are dead and buried near each other in the cemetery (mom and daughter side to side – fucking gut me).
“Suicide comes in three”.
But then think about how the Bible is brainwashed onto loads of the population and we are lovebombed with Christianity as young children; one story they shame us with is the story of Judas and suicide. The narcissist wants your money so bad be it via porn or religion, that they will make you believe by gaslighting your existence, that dying by suicide is actually criminal in the afterlife.
GET IN THE FUCKING SEA
These narcissist will destroy everything about your reality and take your money while doing so. They have no remorse. They live rent free.
We’re slaves to the 1%. Life is a mental torture prison. I want out.
So I think about death and dying by suicide, every second of the day, every breath I take.
But then there’s an actual fear of dying.
It’s complicated.
And just because someone is always “struggling with depression”, doesn’t mean they can’t “die by suicide”.
I struggle with the same mental illness that many I have loved or respected in life have died by. Including my best friend.
I have hesitation marks all over my veins. I’m glad you think my gloves are pretty (no really I do). But underneath, scars are ugly. But which scars am I talking about? The deep rooted or physical ones?
I’ve been wanting to get some words by Gavin Rossdale (in his handwriting) tattooed over my arm, but the world has been shut down, I haven’t been able to get to any gigs, and the last gig that I attended on my birthday, I completely forgot to ask him when I was in front of him because, hormones. *rolls eyes*
I have talked about this shit on Twitter tagging him, it’s not the first time I’ve talked about the scars on my arm. Or wanting the tat, with his lyrics, over or covering some or all of the scars/ hesitation marks. Trent had it right. And I have ‘Hesitation Marks’ by Nine Inch Nails on vinyl, because I am a fucking Nine Inch Nails whore and Trent Reznor is the only dude I’ve ever asked to marry me, hello.
I mean I think I’m bad around Gavin Rossdale but I think that I might actually cry or pee if I ever met Trent Reznor. We’ve had our concert moments tho. And the NIN archives have our online thangs. Like, that time message boards existed and Trent Reznor actually talked to his fans and I submitted a question to him asking him if he would marry me along with the musical questions and no, he did not say no. Or yes. He was flattered. And answered my music questions. Anyhoo. Nothing lasts on the internet forever unless you are Trent Reznor – who likes to control the “leaks” of his music. Sometimes he does this by leaving a drive in a bathroom.
So I just had to stop what I was doing because my cat made me have a mental breakdown and having a cat and dog in an apartment is the exact definition of insanity and if they don’t find a new home, they’re going to become victims.
I’m so homicidal and suicidal, I don’t want anything around me. I would rather jump off a fucking bridge, than to have to deal with my cat or dog ever again.
And this isn’t a startling revelation, it’s been building up for over three years of us living here in this fucking hellzone hostile environment that I’m not going to be able to escape from anytime soon. Circumstance has ruined us. And I lost my service dog after my giant neighbor decided to chase my dog all over the apartment complex parking lot. He hasn’t been the same since and I can’t fucking deal with him anymore.
They aren’t my companions anymore and they haven’t been my companion in years, they are fucking nightmares and I’m living in it day in and day out and I am at my wit’s end, like, I need some peace and quiet.
This isn’t what I signed up for. My muscle and bones are beginning to fail me (aging yay), my doctor has issued me a fucking cane, and my pets won’t stay out from under my feet. At first, I didn’t want them scared of my cane but maybe they need to fear it.
God forbid I ever wanna dash to the bathroom. Or sleep. Or take a nice, quiet bath.
Whatever they’ve turned into is the exact opposite of what I need. I’ve disconnected. Maybe this is part of dying or because my mother is an unnurturing bitch BUT all I know is my peace of mind has been destroyed. And now they are my enemies. Day in, day out.
I could avoid these meltdowns if I were alone (like really fucking alone) or had a normal dog and cat. That’s not a dog or cat.
I can’t even take my dog for a walk anymore because he’s scared to go outside, imagine not even being able to take your dog outside anymore. I mean it’s driving me literally fucking mad, it’s driving me homicidal, people are fucking destroying things that I love and I don’t want anything anymore because what the fuck. Fuck everything.
What part of, I JUST WANT PEACE AND QUIET AND TO WRITE, is hard to understand????
Jesus Christ, it was 3:30 in the morning. I can’t even get it then. I need compromise. And animals that are fucking domesticated.
My cat now tears up everything she touches. Loves to dash out under my feet. Screams really loud if her food bowl is near empty. I’m not exaggerating, she has made me and my dog jump up from sleep several times and I’m a war vet. I have to deeply, severely medicate to get any sleep at all, if I’m lucky.
I’m not allowed to shut any of the doors in the house or my cat goes crazy. She thinks everything is hers. She may be the definition of evil. She’s making me fucking primal.
And yes my doctor knows all this. He knows I’m growing SICKER with every breath. Which is why he continues to write me a prescription. But you can lead a horse to water, you just can’t make him drink it.
I know exactly how Chris Cornell felt, when his life was wrapped around his belt and he was pushing that button on that app, to make the lights go on and off, yeah?
And this was directly after a sold out show.
Love isn’t enough. There’s just not enough love in the world. For this reality. This mental, torture prison that we are a slave to. There’s not enough REAL people in the world. Too many monsters. Too much narcissism. Too much lying. Too much fakery. Too much slavery. Suicide says, “too much”. Let the records show.
Just a pinprick can send me into fits of homicidal and suicidal rage, followed by the guilt of existence and crying. Mood swings. It’s odd tho, the thing I likely need the most is a hug to calm me down. I don’t have a safe place.
I don’t have a safe place anywhere, anymore. Or peace of mind. And my ride is down until I save for repairs. But I don’t have a dime to save because everything is going to the cost of living. Rent increase starts next month. Even though all the amenities have been closed down since April of last year when the pandemic started.
Too much.
Every day alive is a crucifixion living with depression, awoke and in a world of gaslighting, psychopathic demons with zero remorse for the things they say or do. But now if I kill a spider because I’m scared of it, I cry.
I’m not even a number. People die and disappear forever. No tomb to erode over time. Poof. Like atoms popping into and out of existence.
Too much.
It’s a pink crystal for health and healing but I can’t find a quiet zone anywhere, at any time, to meditate. Manic.
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I have 8 followers on TikTok and I am going up against Big Bro and his shadowbans so yeah, I am grateful you took the time to watch my 30-second TikTok (which actually took me hours to make not including rehearsal times)! 👀
I am pushing through roadblocks like stage fright and anxiety, shadowbans, and others making fun of me and what I’m doing.
But I have seen way worse tiktoks and I’m doing something original. I’m trying.
I do hope to get better at making clever video but right now my tricks are just pulling out my creative writing tool bag and dousing you with words and a little bit of drama.
Do they teach how to make TikTok videos in school now? Because I’m going up against some fierce competition and I am truly grateful for your plays! 😍
12 hours in and it had already received 350 plays plus a couple boys making fun of it! When I asked him what he had against poetry he said he didn’t know “idk”. I guess this was the first time he has ever even heard spoken word poetry? I’m pushing TikTok boundaries?
Can it reach 500 plays in under 24 hours? It’s nearly there with several hours to go! We’re at hour 17! C’mon! 😍
Thanks for watching and for supporting indie bloggers and content creators!
You belong on some foreign land, speaking languages of the old, forgotten gods In some haunted and forsaken land Where your reign has better odds Speaking words I’ll never understand Cuz your lies they come in squads!
I made a new Reel for this new poem!!! I know everyone crosses platforms and shares tiktok on Instagram and reels on tiktok but whatever- if I get 30 views on this new reel, I’ve decided I’m going to be happy with that. Because if 30 people showed up to watch what I did in a room, I would freak f*cking out.
Edgar’s bones are rattling, I think he’s been moved! (This literally did happen to him- come to think- but that’s not what I mean). I’m just trying to keep the rhyme tradition alive and I reside in modern times.
Smitten by words
You can ghost me, we still live on the same planet and in the same galaxy. Sucker!
One day you are going to die and I am going to die but the question remains now: who is going to become dust faster?
Gotcha thinking!
Welp.
Some idiot on Insta insulted my ass again. He said I was living rent-free up in his mind but he was stalking my profile m’kay. Stop lying. Blocked. And thanks for the workout motivation and compliment. 👍
Here a narcissist, there a narcissist, the devil comes in two
How about this new poem I wrote tho, eh? Oh, you don’t want to let me know that I swoon you in any shape or fashion? Hence, it matters not cuz Edgar Allan Poe, yo.
Goddess of Poetry
I am an elite rhyming poet in this century and I feel like I’ve written enough decent rhyme to make my mark in that category and to call myself A REAL POET.
It may take 200 years for anyone to acknowledge that fact. But I’m having a real go at it anyway.
How I feel about our love. Neither here or gone. Still loading. Or maybe that’s just 2021? I have a good side and a bad side. Double trouble. Twice the love. 💞
Am I your angel or demon? A lonely mermaid? Are we now even?
Did you know I read tarot from time to time? I have 2 deck of cards plus some tarot books. While I don’t have each card memorized, I’m fairly good at interpreting what they mean, in comparison to the question you ask each deck/reading. My friends and family are generally pretty amazed by each reading (despite me flipping through my book). While I’m not as experienced reading tarot, I’m skilled with meditation sessions and intermediate with meditation with crystals and stones. I studied astrology when I was 15, followed by dream interpretation, and then wound up getting my science degree in psychology. I also have a medical background working as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) and Combat Medic for some 8 years in the Army (I went on to get a second MOS in the Army as I was offered a position with the Department of Defense, so I went to another school in the Army and got a second MOS classification and started working as a Transportation officer. Thus my medical career halted, I changed my masters from psychology to an MBA, as my entire life changed when I became a businesswoman for the DOD (Department of Defense) and this went on for several years until I reached 15 years in the Army and opted to not reenlist a fifth or sixth time. Thus, here I am now. An unknown soldier, poor, heartbroke, and on the brinks of a mysterious death, just like Edgar A. Poe!!! Woo Hoo!
If you’d like to help support this blog so I can eat, that’s cool, I like to eat. And your donations and/or subscriptions to my campaigns, allow me to keep doing this. I am so grateful, thank you!
Decided to write a poem without the similes but then it felt naked so I had to put one in. 😇
I thought Dracul loved Mina. Where’s my big love? 😤😤😤
*sobs*
My tears are burning
😭😭😭 helps 😭😭😭
Oh, I just wrote this. But the way my brain is deteriorating, it surprises me I can write at all.
Well maybe when the day comes that I forget my name that I’ll finally remember yours.
Don’t fall in love with a devil 😭
It’s purgatory 😭😭😭
But now I know why Edgar Allan Poe died on the street, nakid, possibly poisoned, broke, heartbrokes, likely depressed and drunk. And he served 2 years in the military, he didn’t deserve a death like that. That was not an honorable death. Welp. He better have a statue out there or I’m gonna have an effing fit. But whatev. Asteroid Apophis is on her way. End times will come for all.
Gonna die unloved.
Not everyone winds up with a burial plot. For many, they become dust in the sand. And it takes an extreme amount of heat to burn a body. Extreme to turn bones to dust.
I know you come to me From windswept dunes Hollow and calloused from time You keep crawling And I a mirage you are hauling Like dying dreams painted golden filigree Am I unholy? The way you hold me Like butterfly wings You’re now unfolding Reflections cast like starlight You keep me glowing
Do y’all get tired of my similes? The comparisons? Because Gwen Stefani uses the word “like” in every other word just talkin’ and I’m actually trying to use mine in a creative way. I’m just wondering how many people out there are actually annoyed at my creativity? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for top 50 on OF!! I am happy to be there and to have your support!
How do I find freedom when I am shackled to your will? And lonely do I travel when I’m crawling up your hill How I linger in your shadow ’til you give me light to feel And hour after hour I am at a standstill
Do you know how light travels at light-speeds? That’s how fast I travel to your galaxy. Whatever your wants, whatever your needs. My heart will see that it proceeds.
Look at how it parts The Red Sea Still you ask if we love thee Look at how the Earth is splitting We have taken a knee Look at how the clouds hover me Galaxies glowing from envy
Below contains maybe trigger warnings so read at your own discretion. I have the ability to offend. One of my superpowers!
Sidenote: my dad died last month, and while I may seem actively posting, I’m kinda falling apart behind-the-scenes. I’m not taking too keenly the demands of my time, I’m still pushing people away, suicidal, and out of fucks to give. It’s just an FYI. I’ve no mind to socialize. I’m an introvert. I dig my privacy. I’ve always been an elusive creature. And picky with how I share my time. The narcissist is abundant and will drain me dry. It’s nothing personal, just how I be. You’ll notice how I don’t have a contact page. And now I don’t like leaving comments on other bloggers stuff because my email gets disclosed and I start receiving unwanted emails. This just recently happened where another blogger was acting super obsessive of me and my time and emailing me nearly on the daily (and was going on and on about how into me he was- but he doesn’t support any of my campaigns). I had to set him straight. I guess I should feel bad for sending demons back to hell but I’m dead inside. 👍👍
You will likely hear other bloggers call me a “bitch” for being indifferent to their narcissistic tools of manipulation…. M’kay keep moving. I know my worth.
I am a Vampiress. Queen of the Undead. And I bite.
*muwahahahahaha*
And y’all thought I was joking when I told you the devil has me on speed dial for advice. Tsk tsk.
In other news, I have packages in delivery, but due to covid, may not arrive til next year. Welp. I’m being sarcastic. They should have already arrived but they’re kind of in limbo. I’ve been planning a vampire cosplay shoot. Like, we may get to Mars before that happens. Again, sarcasm. But it’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like I’m planning to do and I’ve planned to do it during a fucking pandemic. Not the best timing I admit. But 2021 already feels like deja vu. Or just 2020 2.0.
I feel like I’ve been here before even though I haven’t. I feel aloof. Have I really died? Heaven feels kind of empty.
Is there like a hug from Gavin Rossdale at the end of the tunnel/light? I need hugs. Welp.
Not in love with the guy, just been obsessed with him since the 90s, my second crush, no big deal. It’s just when he sees me at his shows he showers me with all sorts of love and sometimes his guitar pick or sweat. I act all sorts of stewpids around him. Cursed him accidentally in Miami once but the next day I got a tweet by him that it was great to see me. Got all kinds of mems with my king but man I didn’t get to go to one show in 2020 which means I didn’t get one fucking hug from my king. Welp.
There aren’t many bands in the alternative scene that are still putting out music that I like or many of them have already died but Bush remain a huge inspiration for me musically. Dig his films too. Gavin Rossdale’s role in “Constantine” with Keanu Reeves was fucking amazing. Gav has done lots of film stuff but he’s not fond of the long hours, itchy makeups, TV, or being away from his fams. KING.
I miss gigging so much. Gah. I’ve seen Bush in several different states and cities now. But it’s to the point I’m ready to save up some money to see them in the UK. Only the pandemic as a barricade. Welp.
Gav giving me his Superman poses! Uhm, his abs are rock hards. Couldn’t stop the feels. 😍Birthday gig August 2019. Seems another life ago!! 😭😍😭
The Bush Army hate me but the leader likes me coming to his shows. 😍
If I ever get the chance to meet him again I hope I can act normal. I literally start screaming when he comes near me okay I fucking scream. Like a little girl. How fucking cute. But then I start dropping shit or I’ll cuss him out or I’ll forget like basic introductions. Welp. My brain just dumps loads of chemicals when I’m around him and I go fucking haywire. It’s ridic.
I do have loads of band photography from a lot of bands that I’ve seen because photography is a passion of mine and maybe one day I’ll start sharing that here on my blog.
When I love a band I love a band obsessively and wholly. Pink Floyd has been my number uno since the age of 8. I’d piss myself if I ever met David Gilmour. Maybe keel over and die of happiness too. Welp.
This poem IS NOT about my king. I do not long for him in such ways. I couldn’t sleep and it’s now almost 2 a.m. and I needed someone to talk to. Kinda. The quiet hours are my favorite time to write. Or just be. You also have to be extremely careful of serial killers and rapists but you know. I have 15 years of army training as a reminder. I am a trained killer. But also, I don’t really think killers like killing suicidal people cuz we just be like “yeah come on give it to me, where yah been my whole life” 😍…
So what’s the pandemic like at your neck of the woods? I’m going stir crazy if yah can’t tell. And Florida feels like 1 degree. I can’t even step outside it feels like Antarctica. I need my cold weather gear to take my dog for a piss. I can’t deals.
I always find it so strange that the absence of light means coldness. Death. I don’t want anybody touching my cold fucking leather after I die. I’m starting to have these weird fucking ideas about my body when I die.
It’s weird seeking death and immortality at the same time but I’m a strange one.
Ideally, I would like to donate my entire body to an organization that would like to freeze me and bring me back via clone or some sort of digital format. I don’t really want to donate my body to science so some students can cut me up and squirt my blood all over each other laughing, no thanks.
Or that asshole in the morgue who doesn’t know how to handle my hair.
Yes, I worry about my body after death. Why? I know not.
Necrophiliac’s? Eek. I have trouble fucking things that ARE alive.
Sometimes the dead are more alive tho. And better company.
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Have you ever felt the cold night move over you like fog Like lace covered in unholy smog You’re not the boy at all I thought You’re not the hope that I had sought
The Great Expansion The Great Divide The Great Unearthing All I despise
From written word to analog Or being threatened to back off Then having no dialogue I guess I’ve been miscataloged
Inconsolable The way you throb for her I move through life Like I’ve heard not a word You’ll get what you deserve My love decomposable Grasping at darkness It’s exposable The Great Unearthing You’re disposable
I have some photo shoots I’m wanting to get done but also a lot of moving parts that need to come together. Scout locations. Costume fittings. Weather permitting. And that’s just a few… I don’t want to give away too much but I’ve never done anything like this before. Patience needs to be a virtue. I’m antsy.
The Covid pandemic is also holding up items in the mail that I need. But whatevs. Life. Gotta come up with plan B, C, D and revise/update when you can. I’m very spontaneous, what the fuck is patience? Go now! Welp. Not now now though because it feels like Antarctica outside currently. I nearly turned into a Snowman. WTF Florida get it together. My heat is on.
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I once held him like constellations I ate his ripened fruit full of temptations Like when you are feeling loved in all the locations He was my biggest wonder in all of the nation’s
I was a most avid reader Growing like cedar Never needed a breather Now I am neither
Look at how you carve through precious stone- You go from cherished to disowned!
If this is how you treat what you cherish- Spear the love, see if it will perish?
Cherished muse- You have 20 more to replace for every one you lose!
Let me tell you what you wish; A face you really could cherish!
He can turn water into poison You’ll never know you were chosen He can turn truth into erosion He’s got fire but it is frozen
Don’t call on him to have pity You won’t find any in his city Crossing wires like love is infinity He is guilty
He’s not bold He’d whimper and fold He looks old But that’s the price of cold?
It’s a balancing act Trying to remain intact After privacy is lacked And seeing through any mask
How did all these years come to pass Living hour by hour under glass When did mere living come last Crawling these circles full mask
How many roads of lies were paved When did summer turn to grave Too broken or damned to save “Regret” on tomb engraved
She’s got everything hasn’t she? She has his time, admiration, and money. Still, she’s confused on who to be. Meanwhile, I’m a fish out of water, He doesn’t care if I die or breathe
I got iron steel regret How heavy can it get? I’ll find out yet Weighing every bet
Pinching any nerve left I’ll fail each and every test I’m the very best at less I’m the best at less!!!
I do terrible things For love In everything absent of – I don’t rise above
If only disappointment were a page to turn If dismay were a sunray But I chew on bitterness Bewildered from his poison seed
I pack worry in a suitcase Toss my rainboots in a tree Laced with lies received It’s how I bleed
I sometimes think you are many faces Filling spaces Second bases All these places
You assemble hope in tied up laces Watching over me like the moon in phases Carrying me over trouble through midnight races
Love is like the beginning and end
There will be no headstone No grave From life to dust I’m not okay
Deny me love. I will appeal.
I’ve been berated Words sophisticated Now time is hated Black holes where waited Hours wasted Love is not how it tasted Love is not how it tasted
At 26,000 light-years away, it’s the closest we’ve ever been And if regret is a singularity, it’s finally creeping in
Could fit all I am in a tiny box Cheap, won’t cost a buck Disposable and out of luck And for me, he doesn’t give a fuck
Well thank you for leaving me where I didn’t want to be.
He’s been charged with possession of stolen property.
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Treat darkness like an overpass
Lay down a red carpet full of glass Ask the Sun if it’s okay to bask Precious love is always last
You turn a word into a ton of weight Can make a damaged heart dilate Stop all of hope with an iron gate And take holy love to desecrate
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Make an angel take a dirty bath
I’ve seen the dead rise from the ink you spill Not even god can escape the gravity of your will You dig tunnels just for thrill See how many you can kill
Come to me By frothy sea Shine your light I fancy thee
Red shift, blue shift I don’t give a shit
I’m so much better than that flock of shit you summon Your mouth is the opposite direction I am running Your lies only come by the dozen You can knock but you can’t come in The darkness covers all but it’s my coven You ain’t welcome here again
I’m having trouble facing things Or how the sorrow becomes permanent encasings Though a bullet to the skull wouldn’t phase me A daily crucifixion, the only life I’m facing
You’re cruel Using me as your fuel You’re not my tool
I drink from the carton And I never show my enemy just how I’m hurtin’ I draw the curtain And if you catch me taking a nap Are you for certain?
I’m a rib from your side A curse like Dracula’s bride Or Bonnie and Clyde I drink your love like cyanide Mixed with hope and rhyme
Cut the cord yes I certainly did Filled my home with darkness so thick I hid Over valleys of crying I skid
Death and chaos is order Loving him made me older Even a glowing moon can’t comfort the way you smother You’re a terrible lover Always lying under cover You don’t love her You have only mind to wonder Less a heart just feet with thunder Get going you monster
Well, how much more dead can you get?
I don’t know what it’s like to be desired If I had purpose it’s now expired My wings expand but heart is tired Tell me what in life is required?
Why does my love always cause destructive tidal waves?
Did you know mountains were resting on your shoulder named envy? You let me crash on your soul in frenzy I’m dizzy Did you not need me?
Did you know moons were glowing with envy? Heartache cost not a penny But I got plenty If you need any?
Gone But left my heart to disassemble on its own I left it rotting on your throne Caring too much for desensitized bone Lust your carried tomb I’d rather be alone Direction unknown
Got dressed up all like I had no where to goes- But I did and I do, I have people to impose
There are parts of me that are dying Fragile cells multiplying Swamps forming from lying Weeping willows heard crying
Edges of time his mind I go missing every time His rhyme Holding me to crime His line Wishing on a dime
Sometimes, I climb into the ether where we met Heaven is risky but I took the step You feel like eternity in an instance Gotta keep our distance
Every day there’s some new tragic fate with you.
Evolve or repeat.
Why hold on to something when all our sums have failed Why give me any hope when there’s holes within my sails
I fell in love with a monster Spying on ways he would watch her Twisting and burning for answer Changing moments to cancer
I can smell the lie on his tongue I can see the tar clear in his lung I know every direction he’s coming from I know evil is where he sprung
I can see his shadow hanging low Like a spider crawling slow He’s not here to help you grow A web of lust his afterglow
He brings you presents wrapped as lies When dressed as shame he’ll change devise To maintain charm he’ll risk goodbyes
God they’re all the same Using lies to earn your trust We’re just a game You think you know their name Then learn the truth now you’re to blame
God says I can’t save them all- Focus on the stars, I know about the stars So I’m on my knees, I wallow in these scars
God says, watch how the colors bleed- How it’s flowing free We’re only allowed pockets of energy
Stop serving good vibes to those deserving of goodbyes
If only there were a fence that lead me to your green pastures. Or if love were the grandest gestures.
Would it cease our need of treasures? And increase in heart our pleasures?
I’m hanging onto life with all I have left And you I’m clinging to with every single breath
He grew obsessed after every loss The thing he loved, became his cross Still over mountains, he gave it all And how he sweat, she never saw
From the top, to the bottom, to rising again Deserted deserts, losing treasures, our feet have been Over powered, over run, still fit to win The trouble with hope, it burrows under your skin
How can heaven weigh this? Are you not why heaven fell?
How many lies are you leading The light receding And was I ever in your field of needing? How many lives proceeding
How wave after wave pummeled Darkness fully tunneled
I don’t want to be known for the wars I fought – Or the hate I taught
I don’t belong here With the putrid Though the dead more alive
I bit more than I can chew I am stupid Got the devil in my crew
I invited evil to dance Then got muted The devil in a trance
I see through mask like a pattern Deeply rooted Though in the dark he was my lantern
He has to be very careful Of who, of what, of when, of why Every step he makes is sterile Of love, of care, of hope, or I
I am replaceable A traveler straight to erasable He is obsessed with her And her and her But me it’s always never
I can handle extreme pressure under fire But put me in the cold and I will expire
I’M CREATING NUDE PHOTOGRAPHY, VIDEOGRAPHY, COSPLAY, AND ADULT STORIES ON MY ONLYFANS! WWW.ONLYFANS.COM/POEETERNALShameless self-promotion. I’m planning a special shoot!
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting independent artists!
I don’t mind that I’m a bit dirty lol. To be fair, the potato is my favorite vegetable. I am a special spud growing in his existence. Am I the root of all evil? 😀😏😆
Our garden of the damned?
*laughs insanely*
Damn, now I want some mashed potatoes. Or chips. Fries. Twiced baked. Salad. Soup. GIVEMAH!!
In other news, I live in an apartment complex that sounds like a war zone and I need to move. Anxieties.
I’ve been seriously busy planning a cool photoshoot so I hope things go according to plans. They rarely do! So I don’t want to give anything away yet. But, as things progress, you know, updates. I haz secrets!! 😍
He was atomic A void not peaceful Though wasn’t static But like lightning falling He was enigmatic Though loving him Proved problematic
She was barren A desert without form So tired of caring Or like a planet roiling Could hear her swearing And if you caught a glimpse Her wing was wearing
First off, if you haven’t seen the film High Life, you should. I had a love-hate relationship with it when I watched it a few months ago, but it was one of those movies I had to watch again and again. And the end credit song sung by actor Robert Pattinson is sublime. I think it’s safe for you to at least listen to the song if you haven’t seen the film (or ever want to).
That movie is so bizarre I really don’t think the song will give anything away. Since the lyrics were freestyle, I wrote my poem freestyle as well. Can’t escape the rhyme tho. Welp.
When writing my version, I tried to keep with the same theme of the film for the most part. I’m big into sci-fi. 👍
You can watch/listen to the original theatrical song sung by Pattinson here.
So, my prompt was the film and music. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like this before (prompts). But I’ve wanted to. So alas, my version… 👇
Willow, where are you rushing now? Willow, where are you rushing now?
Over broken glass, through the blasphemy, Do you follow it downstream? What’s reality?
Willow, do you feel no pain? Willow, are you still hiding shame?
In the hollow light, past infinity, do you think of me?
Willow, are you stretching my dream? Willow, am I what I seem?
When I’ve lost defense, and there’s hopelessness, is there nothing real? Are we moving still? Is there destiny?
Willow, how can you stand the night? Willow, can you feel what’s right?
Completely inspired by the song “Willow” from the film ‘High Life’.
Photo by @poeeternal (I went to the beach yesterday, gonna be dropping some beautiful photography on my Patreon campaign – photography my patrons can use for their own blogs and projects). Grateful for my patrons!
More poetry coming, so I’m about to blow up the WordPress feed over the next few days, with multiple postings in a day, so you may need to check my actual blog to not miss a feed (unless you have the notifications set on).
Also, if you sign up to my blog via email, that will keep you from missing any posts and you will never have any advertisements delivered because I’m running my blog advertisement free. Your support on my Patreon allows me to run my blog free from advertisements or spam. I thank you.
I once tried to maintain some sort of theme and posting order but my life is chaos currently.
I’m on edge. Welp.
Uhm the Grinch has arrived. Eggnog now please. (I don’t actually have any eggnog but it would be nice).
Please sail me out to eternity on your word You said no one would listen but I heard Death may be approaching but soul stirred I’d give it all for just a third Please let me feel where life occurred
Death and dying brings out so many emotions. When facing mortality, those big questions on the purpose of life come about, and often the non-religious will find comfort in religion. A lot of atheist will find God in the end and this actually happened to one of my favorite bands, Peter Steele, who found God in his end. You can watch videos of him talking about it on YouTube and read about it in articles. I still have a hard time listening to Type O Negative since Peter Steele died and they’ve been one of my favorite bands since I was 16. He was only 48 when he died. I’m 42. Welp. This is my last decade. I will not make it to 50. At this point surviving 2020 will be a fucking miracle.
I still don’t know if I said what I was trying to say because I was busy crying and blowing my nose.
I was trying to say that you saved my life and gave it meaning, when all the world had shunned me away on my darkest days.
I was trying to say something like, ‘you were there for me in my end, so I’ll be there for you in yours’ (whether by faded memory, poetry, or physical form).
Slept in me makeups and then washed it all off with me tears.
When you think that your life doesn’t matter, remember that you made mine matter. You gave me sight and purpose. You opened my soul. You saved one of God’s precious angels.
I can’t write like the greats but we are definitely a modern day Romeo and Juliet. 😭😭😭
Wait… Except, nothing you write is for me so just forget everything I just said… brain injury > fantasy head
You make me write the most ridiculous, mushy poetry though. It’s all relative (see what I just did). You matter.
I forever heart you.
If this damn disease doesn’t kill me something will. I just wish I could be hearing your stories in my end, or at the very least, your heartbeat (with my head on your chest as I take my final breath). Not asking for much, am I? 😫😭😭😭
If this is your first time coming to my blog, I’m pretty certain I have better pictures and videos of me than of me crying. But whatev.
My writing career is going to go one of two ways, either I’m going to keep doing it or I’m going to pack it all in. If you’d like to support me, you know where and how. I’m still past due on bills and need to eat but whatever.
