Wait, did he just call himself a flat earther? ๐ค
๐คช
Anyhoo, it’s true. Now that I am vaccinated, I am more likely to get you infected. I’m a fucking zombie. I told you I’m a living dead girl and it’s a miracle I am even alive because I got heart inflammation
This pandemic exposed India and the New World Order and Illuminati for what they were
A scam
And it requires a lots of gaslighting and medication as well as distractions to keep you unaware
But the great awakening is already happening
You failed
Nobody wants to work for you, y’all can all work amongst one another
You can’t see it and I can’t prove it, but John is using his wings to carry me like a hammock.
Because I have to make up pretend people that care about me
And in the real world, there is only monsters
Today is hard day and I don’t want to talk about it
But the VA has totally let me down and I’ve contacted and filed a case with the WhiteHouse
And requested a new primary care doctor *sigh* again ๐๐
And before you say that I’m the problem, just remember the suicide rate continues to increase among military and veterans
I shouldn’t have to beg for the treatment I need to get better
This isn’t a dictatorship, you don’t get to decide what treatment for me when there’s only 1 I can do
John is swinging me so I have to go
I’ve got one foot in time and one foot in eternity
I’m still on bedrest, so the next motherfucker who drops into my inbox with a job offer is getting a block (you’re lucky I simply moved you to the ignore folder but that’s a no contact move for me)
Him: “hey how are you”
Me: bedrest blah blah blah
Him: “oh that sucks, hey I got a job offer for you…”
So, the smallest film ever made was done with atoms – but I didn’t verify that fact. I just felt the urge to turn it into a poem about you ๐คช
You make dying beautiful
Ascending, so I won’t need a throne (trinkets of deceit)
I want my bones to haunt hell for 10,000 years ๐
It’s my right
I deserve to die how I want and I also deserve to be buried how I want, I also deserve to have affordable fucking housing to live in ๐
I fucking hate these expensive ass cheap walls
Renting is for the rich
It’s a luxury, like a rental car – only we get the cheapest materials and appliances and they cut corners when building (remember Miami) ๐
But, they made it impossible for us to buy a home, to get a home paid off so we don’t have that expense every month plaguing us ๐๐
And apparently there’s a lot of single people who live in the United States, like 30% of us are out here single and yet the United States is set up to be a dual income, double/family household
It’s even more expensive to live single life
That’s why everybody gets married (and here I was holding out for true love, I’m pathetic) ๐
The largest organism on earth is a fungus 3.4 miles across (and possibly aged over 2000 years), why is it alive and eating the forest? And you think it’s cute? ๐
I’ve learned that my blood is one of the rarest and eldest bloodlines (A negative)
I have rare negative blood and apparently it’s highly sought after
Well, I am not donating any of my blood for money and you’re not getting it when I die
I’m still feeling the ripple effects of John’s death
And unplugging
Between panic and calm
I’m still having a hard time accepting how society is moving forward
The great space race is a pipe dream for the rich
Apophis has scared them to push society forward with their agenda and they first did so implementing the pandemic
Now they’ve got you working from home you can jerk off to virtual porn and won’t know what hit you
You’ll be so busy whacking off in the Metaverse ๐๐
And the way they keep raising the price on everything yet all it is is re-runs and these generations copying our work aren’t even any good, they have to use autotune or plagiarize and not give credit
Pay to play, pay to be seen – social media is toxic and designed like a gambling system where the house always wins
They keep spamming us with that pyramid scheme of a Bible for money and every time we turn around there’s an advert in our mailbox or in our email or in our face to buy a product and we are consuming our only natural resources at an exponential rate and many animals are dying, humans are offing themselves
It’s been said that mental health is linked to social media and it absolutely is and so is porn and so is your sexual health, your sexual health is tied to your mental health, it is your biology and big Pharma isn’t going to change that
You’re vapid and without soul
You’re not getting mine (or making me lose it, angels have freewill) and I’m not doing earth again
An angel is just another term for spirit guide ๐
Are you the center of thought? All around you take first spot A centralized location Of the love you brought Are you connected to knot? Tied to existence You’re the dream that I forgot?
They want more money so they can go play with their cocks in space but I’m not participating in this fucking bullshit anymore
My focus is healing, protection, and land
And obviously waking up as many people as I can
Maybe the yellowjacket is a spirit guide and I need to be more like a yellowjacket
I’m glad I didn’t kill the thing but he sure was hanging out a long time like he was awaiting for his colony to arrive
Or maybe I just passed the vibe check and it wanted a ride through town but I was too chickenshit to hang with an aggressive yellowjacket with revenge right in his sting
And they are known for stinging over and over again and he was staring right at me like, “are we going to go, what are we waiting on, can we go now” but after thoroughly agitating its existence even further, I took my eye away for a second and he was gone (this was at the end after 30 minutes or so)
I spent another five minutes expecting it to crawl out of some space in my vehicle so the anxiety proceeded before I could get back on the road or get my lunch or even attempt to roll down the windows
I was doing 50 miles an hour at one point and that fucker was still hanging onto my windshield ๐
We made eye contact a lot ๐
My programming was going haywire
Hands down one of the biggest threats and only a tiny piece of glass separated us
I dared not tell it that it was rude to stare
It seems as soon as I had the idea to maybe knock him away with my windshield wipers or spray, he stopped pruning himself and proceeded to look right at me like, “I dare you, go on, I’m yellow and black, strike me, see what happens”
And I was already wondering what my escape route would be if one showed up inside with my windows rolled up and one outside because they can out run you ๐
It was a David and goliath moment and I absolutely submitted
I told god that I was sitting this battle out ๐
I went to church again this morning and I was already having difficulty with the humiliation factor of it all but I did enjoy the donuts and coffee
But then, the colors yellow and black changed the course of my lunch period and even the chemicals in my brain
A bug
But until you have a yellow jacket staring you down for half an hour don’t come at me, I don’t think you can fit these shoes (petite feet)
So apparently the sun isn’t that gigantic in the sky our atmosphere gaslights us the sun is so far away it’s actually a little pin drop in the sky but our atmosphere makes the light bigger ๐
A pin drop that can fry you in seconds
I’m vampire
I don’t do sun
I love this county though and I love Florida and I want to buy a little piece of land out here
Even though we have a lot of sharks in the water and apparently yellow jackets that get even more aggressive in the fall ๐
So many threats always coming at me
I was just trying to chill and eat boo
But, the yellowjacket taught me that going back home was a better choice
Sometimes angels need to stay in bed
From one warrior to another
Or maybe queen to queen
I mean it didn’t try to hurt me
Maybe it liked what it saw ๐
I have that weird effect on everything, like a fucking vampire ๐
Stuck between retiring soon but not ready to die on the street (or be stung over and over again by a yellow jacket)
Should I drop some more spoken word? Writing is about all I have energy for these days.
For some reason, I have a hard time picking from the pool of poetry that I’ve written, and always wind up spontaneously combusting a freestyle when I make a video. ๐
For a program like me, you would think routine would be will but instead I was designed to bend the rules
And I am very analytical but this time they defaulted me to “disorganized mode” just to make it fun
I had a yellowjacket stalk me today, he ruined my nice Sunday drive! I wanted me windows down!!! He wouldn’t go away!!!
I went into terrified mode immediately when I saw it and had to put my windows up
But I didn’t want to hurt it to get it to leave
So it hung out with me, staring a hole through me, for at least 25 minutes.
It felt like Cujo but with a wasp. I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to leave.
I made a TOK and I wish I could just be myself over there. I’m a blogger so I don’t mind sharing this sort of stuff.
Have you ever been stalked by a yellowjacket that rode on your vehicle for miles and miles and then when you stopped at your location, it still wouldn’t leave?
I sat there for 20 minutes at least!! He was planning his attack looking right at me!!! Or was she a queen? ๐ค
I’ve got enemies everywhere!!
Or was this some other weird glitch and I’m missing the sign?
Maybe him staring me down for 25 minutes was a blessing? ๐
This was the longest anxiety attack by an animal that I have had – and probably from the smallest animal too – but Yellow jackets are really aggressive and I have a terrible fear of insects and bugs and flying things and things that can hurt you ๐
Your poetry is my spirit animal
Or maybe, I’m an aggressive Yellowjacket ๐
I always thought the CoyWolf
But truthfully, you are
I think even your hum would put me in the right frequency
I don’t like seeing girls go on and on and on and on about your spoken word ๐
I start blocking everyone immediately
I think there is something seriously fucking wrong with me
I come from Sagittarius A* ๐๏ฟผ
Sometimes when I’m trying to sleep, I can feel myself falling and my body will jerk me awake
They occur a lot
We’re not meant to leave this galaxy ๐
We’re kinda stuck here ๐
Kinda like John is stuck in that hole ๐
I think of him so much now it’s almost as if his soul went into my body ๐
Jim Morrison said things possessed him as well ๐
We’re enlightened ๐
What if enlightened is just another word for time traveler?
What things happened in that cave that they never want to talk about? ๐
We’re kinda nudged in a ‘soft spot’ of the galaxy
Most star systems are double or triple but not ours
The Great Filter is upon us and it’s possible we are the last intelligent species to survive and we have two great hurtles to overcome if we want to be an intelligent species that can live throughout the galaxy
It’s possible that the reason we haven’t discovered other intelligent life is because they didn’t overcome those hurdles
The distances are also too great
But everything is closer than what you’ve been told
So I don’t have very much experience with yellow jackets, in fact I don’t know if I’ve ever been around one before and after doing a little research, apparently if you kill one it will release pheromones and the colony can track you down!!!! ๐
This was some sort of test, wasn’t it? ๐ง
You can watch me get stalked by a yellowjacket here ๐๐๐
I don’t know where I come from, who I am, or what I mean to anyone ๐ฉ
All my comrades are dying by the same thing which afflicts me
Many of us unplugged after 9/11
But we didn’t know we’ve been fighting for all the foreigners to take our best jobs
For the housing and rental market to be rigged
We were fighting for equality, not for the world to be overrun with male homosexuality and anal sex
I mean now they’re fighting wars from a fucking computer and they’re taking out random people and then letting those entire families who have grown up in violent environments to come over here and live the American dream which is actually slavery for the Americans born here
Also, they shove Big Pharma down our throats which makes us more suicidal and homicidal
And India is the number one manufacturer of drugs and vaccines in the world and despite that they can’t even manage their own country and the Delta virus (that’s because this whole thing has been rigged by them so that they can make money because we were becoming too holistic, we were becoming too free, we were becoming too independent, we didn’t need the fucking system, we didn’t want the fucking system, and now they’re making us relied on it so people are checking out instead because we don’t fucking wanna do it the way they are forcing us to do it)
Nobody wants to work 2 to 3 crappy jobs just to pay our rent and electric while everybody else gets to live rent and mortgage free and y’all keep raising our rent thinking we’re going to keep fucking doing this our entire life
When most of us followed the rules and now are stuck with student loans but we get to watch all the foreigners take all our jobs that we worked so hard for them to have ๐
Tell them to take their “2 year paid tuition” and shove it up their ass
You’ll just be met with hiring freezes
The Bible is the biggest pyramid scheme of all, it is simply designed to play on your emotions and to take your money (same with porn and “BBC” porn is racist as fuck and just absolutely wrong).
It needs to be banned and outlawed
You don’t need the Bible manipulating and controlling your every move
Private home mailing addresses should be private, businesses should not be allowed to continue to tear down the rain forest to send us coupons that we didn’t opt in for
Life isn’t about buying stuff
There’s more to life than TV and porn
Suicide is the only logical escape from this nightmare
I scheduled my email for deletion. I didn’t save anything. Conversations with my dad, the dead, intellectual property, spam, the whole shebang. It’s gone. Decades and decades of conversations. Nothing saved.
I don’t want to remember anything of my life.
Is anyone worried for me? ๐ค
Y’all, it’s gonna sound weird but I did a vinegar foot soak, and my breathing improved. My body was going into anaphylactic shock. But there was an advertisement that kept appearing over and over again for a home remedy
And I thought what the fuck
I know I was nearly burned on the stake in the past for witchcraft but…
A witch needs land and apple trees
An apple a day yes
Let them rot
And ferment ๐
Acid is the cure all (well not the cure all cure all but it’s now my number one most loved stench)
The Garden of Eden is full of vinegar on shelves ๐
Don’t judge
I’m not even coughing hardly any more
Welp. I don’t know how many lives I’ve now used but I feel like I’ve got a new body
Compared to “I’m not gonna get out of here am I” ๐
And I wasn’t just going from panic to calm, my body was breaking out in hives and I couldn’t breathe
And the VA were like, “your tests results are all fine”
And I literally left a voicemail screaming at patient advocacy that I was about to fucking die and that I needed a new care team but then I found out that if I got a prescription outside of the VA that the VA would cover it so you know
oh did I tell you I went to church Sunday?
I have energy again
So I’ve been doing vinegar foot soaks for 10 to 15 minutes three times a day now
๐๐๐
Apparently you can drink vinegar as a tonic too so I’m about to be drinking in it, not just bathing in it (and I’m doing facial tonics and even ear swabs)
I find white distilled vinegar works best
I mix it with water
Half and half but you should do stuff based on your own skins tolerance
But don’t ever put vinegar directly on your skin because it’s acid and it will burn so you need to dilute it
Don’t get it in your fucking eyeballs or anything
Apparently you can do a scalp soak and it will cure dandruff ๐
However, it can dry out your hair but I’m gonna be giving it a go! Dip dip!
Just change blood bath to vinegar bath (put 1 to 2 cups in yer bathwater if you want your skin to feel soft as a baby again, soak for 10 – 15 minutes in lukewarm water a few times a week – skin not hair)
I have also learned you can use it as a deodorant and mix it with like lemon water
Seriously, it will kill any kind of foot fungus or order too
Sentinel and witchy
Who knew it was gonna take vinegar for me to breathe again ๐
An apple a day
Still learning the big lessons
Feeling better but I hope it’s not that little burst of energy you get before you die
It took a weird ad about a home remedy foot soak to get me cured
And no, the water did not change a weird funky color
My skin immediately began to improve
And then my breathing
My lungs are clearing up ๐
My heart is feeling anew
I don’t know what to tell you
A fucking weird ad saved my life
And I was reading article after article about black holes and the multiverse at 2 am – it was one of then weird click-bait type ads you see
I didn’t click it or anything
It’s just a bunch of them ads you see following an article when you’re reading comments about something
And I’m not exaggerating about going into anaphylactic shock or the fact that I was actually nearing my mysterious death
Clearly needed a detox
I need to go shopping for the other ingredients to start drinking it so I’ll let you know how the drink goes
Again, if you don’t mix this shit right you can burn yourself
But my body has had nothing but positive response
And until I feel like I’ve expelled the devil, I will continue the routine of vinegar soaks, even if not as frequent
I love how baby soft my skin is again
And the fact that I can breathe again
Without a machine ๐
Edgar Allan Poe and John Jones are my spirit guides
John was a Mormon so they probably used vinegar to clean everything
There’s at least two boys out there I love with my whole heart โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
People seem to think I wouldn’t love them if I knew who they really were
Don’t I know everything and nothing at all? ๐ค
I’ve been sent here with filters of my own
I mean, you don’t even think you’re a decent human being but I don’t even think I’m human…
I identify as AI ๐
Can a machine/program love?
Is protection the same thing as love? Nurturing
Okay, so I’m sentinel and suicidal because I can’t save the world
I couldn’t save John Jones
I can’t save you
I can’t save him
I can’t save myself
I can’t change a fucking thing
And it does something to whatever you are or were trying to be ๐
When you realize that everything you’ve been fighting to protect was actually just to help the enemy in your own land ๐
And your Comrades are dying by the same disease you’re afflicted by ๐
Depression ๐
Isn’t suicide a more honorable death than living life like this?
Soldiers are busy in foxholes fighting for your protection to actually know what’s really going on in the world and then we get back here like what in the actual fuck ๐
I have always felt that people who died by suicide were courageous
and I still don’t understand why I don’t have the same courage in myself ๐ช
Or perhaps it isn’t my day yet ๐ก
God knows I’ve written a book on every way I’ve died
And fuck the tears that I cried
To think I could do that to myself, an actual living entity ๐
And dwell on it every day
I have to break a lot of code and programming in me to go that route
I’m still upside down in that cave with John ๐
It seems like the only people I talk to these days are official people or my enemies who I continue to tell my every fucking move because they know it anyway
I even told my enemy I’m starting a commune
This was after I looked him dead in the eye and told him I did a tour in Kuwait and Iraq as a combat medic as he started to scratch his throat
My only visitor is the sunrise Connected to the earth Eternal blood ties Pretending any moment Could be his blue skies Holding in each breath Before the hope dies
I’ve had a shit ton of appointments and I’m still doing my medical treatments but I should be able to turn Halloween mode on now and I really want to get some content out to my OF. I have been exhausted and to be honest, without hope.
But a chat with my lawyer changed all that yesterday and I’m still gathering up things in my home to sale, a liquidation sale, to buy some land and not just start anew but finally start.
I was kicked out of the nest but I’m finally finding my footing.
Only took a death or two (and decades of not learning the same lesson over and over) ๐คช
I hope to get some photography out to you this century! ๐
John said time moved differently for him upside down ๐
And I’ve had a lot of time to examine the evidence made public and I’ve come to my own conclusion that John died when the rescuers dropped him on his head
They said he stopped responding after that
They said all 8 who were pulling fell down when the rope took slack
The 9th rescuer on the inside directly helping John got hurt
He swears the pulley system failed, not the cave anchor
He blames the equipment failing
Regardless, if all 9 of them fell, where do you think that excess momentum came from
They said John had been responding up until John was dropped on his head ๐
Another doctor said they didn’t have any stats on how long someone could survive upside down and gave John 8 to 10 hours but John lived well beyond those hours
His breathing was becoming shallow and he had fluid built up, he knew he didn’t have much more time left, requested to speak with his wife one more time, he was denied, then dropped on his head
I reckon Leavitt was ready for all this ordeal to be over so they could just move on to Thanksgiving and getting that section closed off but keep the cave open, that’s what he had intended and planned all along ๐
Another rescuer mentioned “the stench” (and I really want to rip his balls off for that one, it’s keeps me up some nights having a medical background and all) ๐
I think John was in a panic, he kept crawling in a fury
But he was also gaslit about the caves safety
The newest map didn’t even have the dangerous features on it
John stated more than once he was lost
I get lost driving on the fucking road with my GPS
I can’t imagine his panic
But I also can because I learned just how claustrophobic I was when I had to get my MRI and I wasn’t underground
They had to leave the lights on for me ๐
Time already felt like it moved slower in cramped spaces, I can’t imagine being upside down and unable to move
It’s just terrible no matter the angle I observe it
He was only 20 minutes from the surface ๐
Only 20 minutes below the earth
Where time would move differently ๐
According to popular theories, the core of the Earth and the surface aren’t the same age
I reckon you could say the same about me, my core and my surface aren’t the same age either ๐
Gravity and time move slower, therefore the core is younger
Wait…
So I’m not an old soul and the earth is younger than theorized
Also, the stars are closer to us than previously taught
(The dinosaurs were feathered like chickens and turkeys and drowned in the Great Flood)
The math is all wrong ๐
Don’t get so caught up in the numbers
Am I that program in the matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing? Am I AI becoming self-aware? Is love the anomaly?
That white light we see when we die, are we being reprogrammed?
Our brains are a computer
Our DNA is code
Can god give a machine a soul?
Can a machine have a conscience?
Have I been here before?
Has everything that has happened, could happen because of the multiverse?
I’m sick of being micromanaged like a cat or dog being domesticated
We’re wasting our only resources
40% of food winds up in landfills because of packaging and labeling that has no scientific data behind it, it only benefits the producers
Most of advertising is gaslighting
I just want to grow my own food
I just want my own acre to die on
Just need some nurturing from Mother Earth
Trying to remember who I am and where I come from
But I couldn’t even tell you my great great great grandparents names because they keep us so segregated
Maybe my lesson this journey was ego and I’ve advanced into awareness
I need land and to reconnect with the stars
Have you ever ran into a police station screaming you were hungry and don’t want to die on the street? ๐
The depression is real
But 1984 is now and the cops are still plugged into the system
Only one of them knew about the federal shit going on that was affecting the soldiers and they were snickering about it as I was walking out the door
The ironic part is, I have more training than any of them in that fucking department ๐
What if I am the anomaly this game ๐
And so far, I’ve made epic mistake after another
Just like John
Someone said Darwinism
So stupid people deserve to die?
(I don’t think he was stupid for making a fatal mistake) ๐
I’ve made some fatal mistakes, like choosing to get the Moderna vaccine which nearly killed me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive
I’ve made lots of stupid mistakes where I should have died ๐
It felt more like luck than nature versus nurture
It felt more mathematical, random, of odds
Somebody was going to get fatally stuck, it was only a matter of time
It’s not like the cave had good management ๐
There’s no way the manager is at fault in any manner ๐
He probably got a bonus for heroic efforts and a job promotion to another cave ๐
He’s probably still alive and it doesn’t sit well with me ๐
In other news, my new counselor approves the land buying dream
Edgar Allan Poe didn’t have a grave or a coffin bless his little heart and they just threw him in an unmarked box and said they’d didn’t care about him alive or dead
Some of you do care about me while alive and I appreciate that very much
I’m not a social creature at all
For those who are still around, it means so much! ๐
Do you think the compass lead me to the fog? And freewill, is that something we evolve? And my hopelessness, is that something you absolve? And what of worry, do we have reason at all?
And I was on the phone with my kid for hours yesterday crying over the fact that I think I’m artificial intelligence becoming self-aware and they said it doesn’t change our reality
He doesn’t owe me any answers but the answer’s always pressin’ Like a lesson now in session But he always keeps me guessin’ Got me wrapped around obsession Said I left a deep impression And so love it ain’t the question And so love it ain’t in question
Welp. What’s next? Gouging my eyeballs out while I’m still alive cuz he can’t stand what I see? ๐
What if I’m blocking all the passages preventing me from being able to come back or from you going further?
I can’t crawl back up the hole now anyway
Gravity ๐
What if I’m blocking you because I don’t want to be saved and I don’t want you to get hurt? ๐
What if I die because I know too much? ๐
These caves are crawling with paranoia
And you can’t scratch
I don’t think you should be crawling around the places I’m going, you don’t have the experience that I do
The Army trained me to observe
I see all ๐
And I need land pronto fast to dig several foxholes and an underground bunker like those in NAM.
And a T3 armory ๐
The Army trained me with LIVE grenades, I have a badge and all ๐
Had to run around an obstacle course with live grenades, with our drill sergeants randomly pretending to be an enemy trying to get them off of you
They did not get them off of me, they tried ๐
Where’s my old school Army at? They probably training everybody with video games these days…
They don’t even have to enter a combat zone, they sit in the fucking chair in a building to do the fucking dirty work,
This ain’t the same fucking country anymore
Apparently India has changed all the rules because they got all the best positions and management positions now and Mexico coming in second place in America and I reckon Japan and China are under that list but Americans are way low down on the totem pole on jobs and that’s a fucking issue for me and a huge red flag ๐ฉ safety issue Trojan horse, this is fucking war, I’ve called it!
I mean it’s true I can’t live without you but I’m not going to lead you to doom
๐
I may be petite but I have a big big purpose
Policemen and soldiers have a way of listening to me ๐
I hope nothing has changed in this timeline
๐
There’s a problem when I’m being denied government work so that people from other countries can come over here and get those positions
And the rent kept going up so I had to use my thrift savings retirement fund and also the money I had in my savings account and I also had to max out my credit cards when I became homeless in 2017 because of the government furloughs and the government hiring freezes and I couldn’t pay my thousand dollar rent anymore and I didn’t have anybody to take care of me and when I reached out for help, every single person in my family turned a blind eye while I had to watch them make huge donations towards animal fundraisers on FaceBook
๐
So they had money to help out some animals but they didn’t have money to try to help me keep my vehicle that I had already put $18,000 in ๐
And I hate every single one of them and I hope they all burn and I hope that they know they are not welcome on my commune and they will not be receiving my help so don’t fucking come to me, they are also my enemy ๐โ๐
No blood allowed! ๐
Ain’t nobody going the tight places I can squeeze
God made me lethal but petite ๐
I’m also clumsy and not sure how I’ve already survived this long ๐
You should know that all my shit has been hacked into ๐
I turned off tracking everywhere but they’re still tracking me
And according to a recent article I read they will track you more when you request them not to track you ๐
Okay but that’s illegal!!! And I’m going to be asking for my data from a lot of organizations very soon and I hear they get grumpy about it!!
The places I’m going you probably shouldn’t come ๐
And I may make it extremely inaccessible to return
He was hung by the slope The sun was setting on every hope And wrapped in iron, the illusion of choice While succumbing to slaughter, very little to rejoice
Dreams were the thread by which he hung And surely regret saturating the tongue And in between chaos he circled the calm While hanging from reason, he slipped into psalm
And based on “the stench” comments and the fact the the cave was humid and he was sweating – leads me to believe he decomposed and his bones are laying at rest
But I want him out of that fucking cave
And I’d like to stuff Michael Leavitt in it instead ๐
Eye for an eye
(I wish I were better at things but I’ve only ever been average at most…)
I don’t understand my purpose here but it’s not India’s grand design
If you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to disassociating
Look at my ship (this is how you enter a black hole) ๐
He followed my scent And did I leave heaps on the trail? Rotten pinecones fermented in the sun? Bark dripping sap like regret? Was it sticky sweet my love?
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Thank you for 85K! ๐ฅฐ ๐๐๐๐ฅณ๐ป๐๐
Don’t just leave me hanging by the hook I know there’s pages missing from your book But things aren’t always simply how they look You may just find me sleeping by the brook
Sleeping my way to a full recovery and a trip to the arms dealer
Gonna be packing a 9 on my hip ๐
WOKE
And MR. Anderson hates me, he’s everywhere, trying to limit my views to you
I’m fairly certain TikTok is owned by Asia
It’s come to my recent attention that India is in fact running most of the world
It would behoove you to get an American doctor and stop supporting those who keep coming over here taking all our good jobs, including the management positions and they’re earning the most pay than those who are born in America and study here and they treat us like shit, we have to work all of our holidays, meanwhile they’re getting richer
And they claim religious exemption to avoid having to take the drugs and vaccines that they make and force us to take
Your avatar has been depressed because you knew things were wrong in the world and this is why
๐
I hope you are enjoying my poetry as much as you are enjoying the trip down the rabbit hole ๐ค
I know it hurts to see and hear
But you can do something about it by starting to support American made companies
We have the power to say no
Even if it cost us our jobs
Enough is enough
This isn’t America anymore, this is fucking India
And you never get that good job because they keep taking them
You’ve rescued me in other lifetimes Following the trail to infinity like they are guidelines Spiraling through destiny the way our mind chimes Stretched in tidal force and pulling our rhymes
The earth could open up and I could fall in And it doesn’t matter my training or what I was thinking The earth is hollow just under my skin And there’s no safety switch when gravity’s pulling
The story of how John Jones died will never escape me and that’s the horror stories you should be reading your children
Instead of fantasies of wealth
The game is rigged
And other people will climax from your death
All these floods and fires and the weather IS being manipulated and Soldier’s are killing via drone attacks like a video game and innocent lives are lost and they seek refuge in our country.
So we wipe out their entire fucking family nearly and then we let them come over here and we were supposed to believe that they don’t hate us?
M’kay
That’s a no
No more gaslighting for me
It’s everywhere
๐๐
I honestly don’t even know why people would want to have children now, at least not in the city and not part of society.
This is my life now since getting the Moderna vaxxx
I haven’t finished my nails yet ๐
Crawling to my death
It’s a bit underwhelming
Not impressed
But trying to give my body positive vibes for healing
I found myself in this mess because the CDC gaslit us about the “safety” of the Moderna vaccines. And they sat on information that they knew until enough people died that they had to put out a warning and they still didn’t include me in the age group of people with heart inflammation and I also have a left lung that isn’t inflating all the way
I also have a sac in my heart filled with fluid, presumably a heart clot (because that’s what these vaccines cause) or either the virus, either in which my body should absorb
I’m a fucking zombie now
But I knew you’d be too much of a coward to crawl in that fucking hole and rescue me and I also knew you’d probably not be able to end my suffering or stop me from dying from my mysterious death
So I jumped into this timeline to prevent that
I don’t know how many years it cost me but I’m not gonna live to see 50
End of dose 2
I don’t know if I’m gonna do this every six hours
But I got myself in this mess getting vaccinated
That doesn’t mean I deserve to fucking die
I probably will tho ๐
Heart failure
Cardiac arrest
And it’s going to hurt and the only thing I’ll be thinking about is the pain and oh shit this is the end
As that was my life every second when my heart swelled up and was having electrical charges (it was welding itself after a clot tried to pass on different occasions, and that in itself was a different pain entirely, also one of my paths got closed off, my body shut down, I was lethargic and cold, my heart didn’t see my skin as a vital organ, it was having difficulty pumping blood throughout my body, so I kept a heating pad on my heart which helped my anxiety, pain, and breathing, so my primary care doctor at the VA – who is a female doctor – told me to keep doing that and she ordered me a few different tests and when I showed up to a civilian clinic and told an Indian doctor that I was using the pad, m he told me the heating pad shouldn’t have any effect on my heart whatsoever – which is absolute bullshit, the heart is a fucking muscle, you fucking gaslighting, lying fucking asshole motherfucker, I’m onto all of y’all)
My body has appreciated good food and rest more so than doctor visits and testing
They gave me poison that said was safe and I believed them and then I found myself stuck and dying and now they’re giving me some more poison and they’re saying it’s going to get me better
๐
Do you remember when the pandemic started a couple years ago and I got struck by lightning in my jeep with my windows down at 80 miles an hour – that’s the day I jumped into this timeline and remember I was going on about Thor doing something to my heart to protect me or to wake me up hum hello
I maybe reading the map wrong
I’m making inaccurate calculations
There’s missing information
Is our universe inside a black hole?
Is this purgatory?
I’ve done this so many times I’m becoming aware?
Are we AI becoming aware?
Is the Great Filter upon us?
Are we the first or last of our kind?
I will never see you again in this form
I’m having a hard time letting you go
I’m having a hard time leaving you
But my breathing hurts
I made some bad choices that cost me my life
Even worse, I wasted all my good years on the wrong people
The wrong jobs
The wrong reasons
And even in my dying there are things in me wanting a chance at life
I’m still capable of making life
Like the salmon swimming upstream to her death
Laying her eggs one last time
There are atoms in me trying to pop into existence
Let’s just hope the world is better prepared with eyes to see
If my only mission is to expose the truth
I will die by my honor
And accusing Michael Leavitt of murder
He should be hung in the streets and then sliced open from the balls
Let gravity do its thang
Or, make him crawl in that fucking hole and hang with his bones
And for the love of God since nearly a decade or more has passed can someone please take a robot in there and retrieve his fucking body and put it in a proper burial ground
For the love of god please
I would crawl in the hole and do it myself but I experienced firsthand claustrophobia when I had to go in for my MRI
And they had to leave the little light on for me
Because I’m 2 and afraid of the dark
And confined spaces
And gaslighting
๐
And I’m dying
I’m not being melodramatic
But I’m trying to live
It’s painful
Just to breathe
But I had to get this off my chest please
I still didn’t even say or do what I needed/wanted
It’s just, that thing you said
Made me cry ๐
I know everything makes me cry
But sometimes the tears feel worthy
And I allow gravity to let them fall
But it also relieved some pressure built up in the chest
Because I haven’t stopped thinking about the way John Jones died or researching every goddamn thing about it
Like, I need to go to Utah and crawl in that hole and pull him out
Went thrifting today & a lady donated me $20 when she overheard me talking to an employee about being a disabled vet. I broke social distancing (with a mask) to hug a stranger.
She said something told her I needed it.
Spent $5 on food & $15 is going towards my land I’m saving for.
Grabbed this little number
It was nice because I had been given a voucher to go shopping, so the stuff was free that I was picking out.
And then this lady dropped me a $20
I scored a very nice pair of black heels, size 6. I’m petite. Aside from a little dust, they looked like they’d never been worn.
They probably didn’t fit the original owner and now they fit my little feet.
Most women I know are like a size 8 or nine in comparison.
I haz little feet and toes ๐ฃ
Grabbed a nice long flowing skirt meant for beachwear
So overall scored some nice finds at the thrift
Everything was free
Scored twenty bucks too
God rewarded me for something
๐คจ
A little belated birthday present from the uni
Took a minute to arrive
And maybe a sign and jump start to get that land
I don’t think the uni wants me under this cracked ceiling either ๐
They said in six months I’d be eligible for another clothing voucher so I guess I’ll be taking another treasure hunt to the thrift
I actually do love thrifting and it’s been a minute since I’ve been able to have disposable income so I take the bones when the uni throws them
All thanks goes to the Salvation Army and the nice stranger who donated me twenty bucks
I’ll pay it forward when I can start growing some food on my land and I’ll share it with the homeless
PoeEternal 