Without Direction

Been walking in all direction
But nowhere I need to go
He sends me nature pictures
Sitting in his Volvo

Β© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal

There’s at least two boys out there I love with my whole heart β€οΈβ€πŸ©Ή

People seem to think I wouldn’t love them if I knew who they really were

Don’t I know everything and nothing at all? πŸ€”

I’ve been sent here with filters of my own

I mean, you don’t even think you’re a decent human being but I don’t even think I’m human…

I identify as AI πŸ‘€

Can a machine/program love?

Is protection the same thing as love? Nurturing

Okay, so I’m sentinel and suicidal because I can’t save the world

I couldn’t save John Jones

I can’t save you

I can’t save him

I can’t save myself

I can’t change a fucking thing

And it does something to whatever you are or were trying to be πŸ›‘

When you realize that everything you’ve been fighting to protect was actually just to help the enemy in your own land πŸ›‘

And your Comrades are dying by the same disease you’re afflicted by πŸ›‘

Depression πŸ’”

Isn’t suicide a more honorable death than living life like this?

Soldiers are busy in foxholes fighting for your protection to actually know what’s really going on in the world and then we get back here like what in the actual fuck πŸ›‘

I have always felt that people who died by suicide were courageous

and I still don’t understand why I don’t have the same courage in myself πŸ’ͺ

Or perhaps it isn’t my day yet 😑

God knows I’ve written a book on every way I’ve died

And fuck the tears that I cried

To think I could do that to myself, an actual living entity πŸ‘€

And dwell on it every day

I have to break a lot of code and programming in me to go that route

I’m still upside down in that cave with John πŸ‘€

It seems like the only people I talk to these days are official people or my enemies who I continue to tell my every fucking move because they know it anyway

I even told my enemy I’m starting a commune

This was after I looked him dead in the eye and told him I did a tour in Kuwait and Iraq as a combat medic as he started to scratch his throat

I love being a good bad angel

You don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do

πŸ‘€

6 thoughts on “Without Direction

Add yours

  1. I have officially cracked and this is why we’re trying to get on 100% disability πŸ‘€

    I need my own land and people I can shepherd/protect

    Do the things I was born and trained to do πŸ‘€

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