My eyes are besotted Though even while closed he remains Either shadow or color A gentle lover I look up As if I’m stargazing And he’s always there to find me I like to rest between his heart beats My ears catch his whispers Chemical energy in the touch The way his fingers trace my lips And erase centuries of loneliness His kiss must be the holy grail I have fallen from heaven for this I heard his deep call It pierced the woods and the wounds I was no longer winter But a bloom That warmth is life And I a parasite for his love Or sweet sugar The way his words leak down my spine God says it’s alright Did you hear destiny skipping by I couldn’t help but stop and giggle If you let wonder have a sleepover You might wake to find surprise
I have glimpses of a life I’ve never known There’s stitches in my heart where he has sewn There’s wishes leaking out of every bone There’s pieces of me in him I call home
There’s fences keeping eyes where they belong There’s chances never learning right or wrong And dances never settling in song Circumstances keeping everyone withdrawn
For the record, all my poems are new. I bleed poetry.
Mysubconscious or other worldy being is creating memories of a life with him that never existed because it can’t bear to live any part without him, and the regret is carving deeper rivers than I care to run. Love is love. But why is he scared of it? He’s just too selfish to part with his ways and he’s got a sex addiction he needs to get a grasp on. I mean God damn if Trent Reznor can be kinky and loyal why can’t there be other dudes!?! He’s the only guy I’ve ever asked to marry me by the way (Reznor that is) and it’s in the Nine Inch Nails archives somewhere and Trent Reznor did not say no and he answered my music questions too. That’s actually a nice real memory as opposed to the fake memories my brain is having to create because it loves a dude that won’t have anything to do with me…
I asked Trent Reznor to marry me, LOL I love me so much… that was back when he had an actual fanclub and he was active in the NIN message boards. You had to be in the club to get there. And when he did way with fanclubs, he made us permanent members (kinda of). I haven’t logged in, in a minute, I need to get over there. And to another gig. I’ve had stage every time, but have never officially met Trent. He’s on like kid number 5 now!?! She is popping out them babies god bless her, lucky bitch…Anyhoo, I’m totally gaga for the dude this poem is about, he knows who he is. Hi. I love you still. You know I’m your favorite love. Masks won’t hide fate. Or you from me. Sorry, not sorry. “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here…”
What do you think an angels tear is worth? I’ve cried a million for him…
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The truth is, I would carry his stone; I would slay his demons and carry him home. The truth is, I walk on my own; But his heart won’t have to be carried alone.
I posted a song uncut and unfiltered on Tuners Radio, despite my crippling stage fright. I’ve never even been able to do open mic night or karaoke. I’d love your feedback though. Go easy on me. 😇
P.S. my muse Alex Ebert not only gave it like but added it to one of his playlist on Tuners Radio (he’s literally won Oscars for his music but that’s not why I love him)!! 😍
Lyrics:
It was something that they put you through It makes no sense at all If you will let me carry you I promise not to fall
I can take care of you But only if you want I’m strong enough to carry you Though sometimes I may crawl
Hang on, hang on, hang on ohhhhh ohhhhh ohhhhh ohhhh
Be tender with my will Craters have formed from the impact of your words They crush and pulverize How deep do my crevices go? Their corridors are dark And fill with regolith I tremble with aftershocks As your words settle into the cold My bones hold worries unknown My smooth surface eroding from longing I’d let you hide in my depths Come and go with the shadows See how the light races around my hole It falls into aches and covers the night with hope I am longing to find you there Your words move quicker than light-speed I am hollow, penetrate me Watch how the dust settles There’s a glimmer of destiny there Satisfaction Unison We belong together Like orbits decaying Feel the pull Shake me The more you resist, the harder I tug Inevitability Had you not found me when you did My darkness might have perished forever You sheltered me from death By breaking me apart And then you assembled me into fragments and shards of fate And now I must find myself Aching is need of life More pieces Of you You’ve fallen everywhere Our dust glitters I am everywhere you look now Finally together Ice rings form around my shell A promise ring of forever Or a chastity belt of no escape Trapped in the eternal I was waiting here in the dark yet still I was found Bound, now in the ever Look at your creations Beautiful disasters Wait here awhile Cover me in your eternity
I swear he doesn’t want me around but I still find myself creeping On broken glass and bits of hope I find that he keeps leaving Like trails of honey, or bits of dew, each bit has me dreaming Of patching wounds, forgiving fails, and maybe keep on breathing On every word he’ll ever write since it always stops the bleeding Where in my heart, it beats for him, and love is always leading
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Maybe if he understood the need How longing is growing like a weed And in between the distance and the stars that truly listen I know he’d rather have me in the lead
Maybe if I took the time to plead And nurtured space like it was a seed The stuff that would be growing is the energy in knowing That fate will come to help us both succeed
Petite little thingSmall but mightyBroken yet whole No filter version me Have you joined my Patreon yet? What’s stopping you? Sign up is quick and easy!
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His words cover me like body paint The vowels flowing leave me faint Erasing darkness with a stroke of fate And momentarily how it’ll ease the ache The distance closes just an open gate A place where longing comes with no mistake Just one more rhyme is all it’ll take Forever his in the words we make
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All this blocking and unblocking I do, follow and unfollow routine, but he’s never once done those things to me. CUZ HE LOVES ME AND IT DRIVES ME INSANE. THUS POEM ABOVE. I’m sure he’d like me to be on Mars already but he needs to fuck me first. Sorry not sorry. Still loves him.
He drives me cra cra for realHow do you stop loving someone? I can’t figures it out…“Just another lost angel in the city of night”
He built me tall like a cathedral
I stuck his poetry in me like a needle
Never caring if it was lethal
One’s not enough, give me a prologue and a sequel
And though he took me high I felt like his equal
For a moment he made me feel like I was his people
But he ditched me for something more evil
He traces over my body
Exploring every freckle like it’s a galaxy
He speaks in mountains of sighs
He travels through my valley’s
Through my depressions and my highs
He lingers near the alley of my thighs
He catches every heartbeat when he looks into my eye
And gentle is the hand that never says goodbye
The shape of you Appears in a dream Like a butterfly of hope Encasing over me Like the colors of a rainbow Love flows in through a stream And nightmares of us ending Break away at the seam Pictures of us together Paint a different theme
I didn’t think it could hurt any deeper
Or that he could become a colder creature
He’s got a taste for evil and that’s only a teaser
The devil says he was born a natural deceiver
Deep he draws blood from within my vein
A master of lies and pain is his reign
An unmanly thing with a tarnished name
A useless boy always inheriting blame
You can lead a demon to heaven but you can’t make him enter
You can stomp on a flame but it still needs an ember
I can say I hate you but there’s still love in the center
I can pretend you don’t exist but your words I still remember
The crest on my chest
It means faithfulness
Loyalty cannot be bought
But it is hard fought
I loved you whole didn’t I
So why the blood no matter how I try
I am stuck at your crossroads
In pieces and fragmented shadows
Over and over I go over this lesson But no answers tell where the pain will lessen Just as I’m stable you throw another grenade I’ve been wounded in ways you can’t hurt with a blade
Lost may you be but I love you the same Hate is your hand but love is my aim Stuck in quicksand and on a frozen route Clouds of confusion but still love you devout
I suppose it’s more than a name, more than a code of honor, more than a tattoo…
Loyalty and faithfulness, it doesn’t really mean anything this day and age…I live in the minority… (but Faith is my middle name)There was a time long ago when a name meant something… Loyalty is about as rare as my smile…How many more stones are you going to toss at me? Dead again…
Turn on my dreams, there you are Wake up my eyes, thoughts aren’t far Can feel a tightness in my heart Before just emptiness and dark Enter my life and now there’s art Needed you from the start Connected to you like a binary star Spinning so fast can’t stop the spark BOOM! Like a big bang you left a mark
I love you So give me the stone I’ll break your throne Alone, so you can really roam Then maybe you’ll return back home You’ve lost your sense you know But god I love you so I know you know – I’m tethered to your soul
Does it come wrapped as a pretty present Does it speak of hope that is always absent Does it appear full when it is a crescent There was light shining, but not where it was destined I still love you, if you ever stop guessing I’m sorry you are learning another difficult lesson
Your voice takes me to planets unknown to me Emotions are an endless sea Give me more to stay floating I need all of your energy Like a sun on fire it’s burning I spin and keep yearning Set my spirit free
Satin today
Tomorrow blade
A mask won’t hide his thoughts away
Closed doors to me are an archway
His absence is saying come my way
His distance is sky for my parachute
His bitterness to me is the sweetest fruit
I’ll put it on my tongue and savor his juice
His walls to me are just another route
Dirt was made for digging tunnels
Demons fall bored so may cause troubles
His desert to me is an open jungle
His masks to me are just more popped bubbles
Stuck with me on planet Earth The deeper you burrow, I value your worth The more you plummet, I feel your girth The more you love, the more I curse
I’ve kissed lips that tasted of kings I’ve slept in halls where angels sing I’ve ridden sorrow through hells domain But in my heart is where he remains
In an outpour I bleed out the worst I expell the poison and simmer the curse If time were a remedy, I’d drink until full If his heart were a string, I’d give it a pull
Kings and queens and other things too
Honey, they won’t replace my love of you
Diamonds and roses and even poetry
You may have a million girls but they ain’t me
I’ve been through the pain and through the waste
I’ve tried them all they ain’t my taste
You are stubborn and you know it’s true
The universe says I was made for you
The edge of horizon Just goodbye in his eye The season of lying Winter in my sky Froze from lack of trying It hurts therefore I cry No words from where I’m sighing So cold I’ll likely die
Of all of my followers, he was my favorite
Love me through thick or thin, I guess he couldn’t handle it
Wrap me around his hand he did and wore me like a bracelet
Despite all the stones I took, there was no one to love him best
Trying to reach his heart was like climbing Mount Everest
When you let some punks send you into hiding and then you return to the internet lands with zero followers
Yes, an official Tweet by Val Kilmer LOVING my pen!!! As a writer, win!!!!
So panic mode naturally because I thought I lost my king following me…
But my king and Bush still follow me!!!! 😍*remembers worth* “Be happy, it’s a choice”. A man of so few words but oh so wise If you don’t think Gavin has seen the worse of me, you’d be wrong. Birthday loves oh my effing god my king well he sees me yes he does, I exist, I exist!!!
This isn’t like our only interactions, I just remembered that his love is everything. I may be small on the totem pole but I’m on the fucking pole.
And I’ve got my Twitter followers coming in now saying they still have me so happy happy joy joy.
I dropped a 10-minute thread on Tuners about the importance of followers and likes (free app to listen and use, no download needed to listen): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
Am I an obligation or is he carrying me across the frothy sea? Is that why I never see extra feet beneath me? And my step it feels more steady? And the cold, it feels less brisky Thank you for carrying me calmly Through my storms and through the heavy
His name slips from my tongue
Making me warm
Etched forever in my heart
A tattoo on my soul
The need like oxygen
My mind racing to trace every line of his existence
There in another galaxy
In every possibility
Give it to me
Freely
My spirit circles your trinity
Take me to infinity
On your pages
From your tongue
In any manner you can think of
Life before had never begun
My fantasies are reality
That’s why I feel the need
You exist in me
I don’t need eyes to see
You clearly
So every idea is living too
Every thought there’s more than two
In this realm or the next
On planet Earth you are still the best
I send them far and I send them wide
These dreams keep me occupied
Wow, we live so many lives
In some I am your wife
In others you have died
There are realms of goodbye
They always make me cry
Because you are alive
And I need you by my side
Or at least without a divide
Close my eyes, dream of you
Lost in the twilight of your blue
Take my hand, see me true
Understand my heart too
There you are seeing me
And it comes so easily
Taste your lips, I feel free
Trace your heart with my energy
Fertile hands, seeds of love
I give you everything from above
Look at all this space to soar
Free your mind, feel me more
Open every single door
I never felt this much before
Vulnerability is every asteroid
But still life forms from what’s destroyed
You teach me everything
You are higher than a king
You are the very existence of my being
Is there a place in your heart nobody has been?
Will you take me to it and when?
Has real love ever touched your skin?
And when you’re done with lust can you trade it in?
Is there a hand that ever loved you true?
Because, I’ve got two that can love you through,
Baby, you were made for me, and I for you.
And when our hearts connect, life can pursue.
Have you ever found a home in a soul?
Has anyone ever made you feel whole?
And if I were to give you complete control,
Baby, just tell me, when can I enroll?
If perfection did exist, it is the shape of his lips
It is the worlds flowing from his fingertips
It is his absence then full eclipse
It is his compassion for hardships
If perfection were a thing, it is the way that he can sing
It is the poems that he can string
It is his darkness with a spring
It is his breath under my wing
If perfection were in my hand My love he would command He would be the promised land And it would be where you stand
His eyes are tunnels to my soul
Oh beautiful boy, one glance turned my heart to putty
The way you rush in makes me whole
Oh honey, you make my blood hurry
Like a hot fire on a frigid night
I howl and ignite
My desire and longing spans the ends of space and even that reach does not quantify my love for him. Which, is why space is infinite, oddly. Coincidence? Nope. Science and love are hard to comprehend at times, and that is where faith comes in. Sometimes, you just gotta believe… ❤
I can feel you wherever you are
Light and dark matter woven into my soul
Spiraling through the fabric of all that we know
And travelling through the spaces we’ve still yet to go
And the distance to our star isn’t that far (just look to your heart)
“My angel” words smooth as satin slipping from his tongue Her wings of despair went flying in the air and love deep into her lung “My queen” tattooed on her heart and there his creed was flung “My darling” were the sweetest words she had ever heard sung Whatever he called her, it made her feel loved and young
I was in search of healing
My wings damaged, my knees in kneeling
A war with a monster, I never was winning
Narcissism will keep your head spinning
I was cleansing the root of my soul
I was tossing those sins in a hole
I was stitching my heart to feel again whole
And a couple years passed would you know
But one day there he was, I noticed, oh yes, I noticed His crown dragging behind his feet, it was a bust I’m not sure if it was his sin or a thick layer of dust Maybe it just hides behind a wall of his lust
I heard him mouthing words from his tongue like thunder Such fury, where does it come from, I still wonder Crashing down curiosities is where I fell under I slipped into his words, then love, and I became her
I remember the day I left him a compliment
I thought it was a bomb the way he responded
My hand was bitten and he was so blunt
I still stick around but he is on the hunt
Sometimes I would find pieces of me in his words The dinner bell rang and we rushed in like buzzards Little seeds of hope we would nibble like birds There may have been red flags but we ignored all the hazards
Like favorite pets except for me
I come around, he gets angry
But I still don’t know how to leave
It’s impossible, I love him you see
Does he hate me because I see through his mask, or because I see through his mask and still love him? Maybe, just maybe, I’m not a bird he wants to eat? Or does he hate me because I stole her shoes? I’m not giving them back, they fit my feet and I have tiny feet. I found my missing slipper, gosh dang it, he needs to get over it. They’re mine now. MINE I SAID. Just like I belong to him, he just doesn’t know it yet. He is lost. But I found him so I’m hoping he’s only half lost now. Knock knock, Neo, it’s me, the one…open the door
I dropped a thread on Tuners Radio under my pen PoeEternal about unrequited love + a short original poetry reading on Tuners, have a listen now (free app to listen and use): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
So I’ve committed to using Tuners more, as I said before recently in a blog post. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a great app to use, and you don’t even have to download anything to listen/tune in. 👍
*UPDATE* Jena Malone left a beautiful reply today, she is a queen (I’m certain you’ve seen her in a movie even if you’re not aware you saw her in a movie).
I currently have this running in my Insta story cuz it’s hella cool but you can listen free on Tuners 🙂 https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
I wanna come, so then I go
You say go fast, so I go slow
You say goodbye, I’m at hello
I drop a bomb, for afterglow
I sleep outside my own prison gate I build a wall to suffocate And any trespasser I will violate Just come near me and you will ache
I am good but I am bad
I am happy but I am sad
I am boring but I am rad
I think I died in Baghdad
I am the pleasure but he is the pain
No matter the blood, I need him the same
I laid down my gun and this isn’t a game
You have the key to open my chain
He is the stable, I am a wild horse Maybe it is hate, I don’t know the force And if he loves me, it is only in fourths I have looked for love but I can’t find the source
“My indecision is final…”I always gots rosey cheeks and freckles (Alabama, circa 2015)Missouri (AKA MISERY) Circa 2007ishIraq circa 2003 Tennessee barely sixteen Florida circa 2016ish Tennessee age 18 with my 9 month old baby that I breastfed a solid year (my hair is nearly that long again *squee* but this is my natural color, brunette with hazel eyes)(Self, age 18, kiddo 9 months) A hippy goth in docs, nothing much has changed 🙂 (age 18)The 90s, the best and worst decade of my lifeI iz evolving (Florida, my birthday 2019)
I am changing, but can others see?
When looking at other pictures, that cannot be me
Spent a lifetime trying to figure out who I was and now I am free
Free from all the locks and chains where I never had a key
And while there is still sorrow, I am an open sea
I am drowning on my back but I am floating carelessly
Underneath, the pull of the current A shark is circling with massive courage And dark is the sky and my eyes keep burning And long are the lessons we never are learning Life will drown you if death is a burden But I will fall down loving him, one thing is certain…
