it was just the lights flickering

i thought (at first) he was braking (they finally pulled him out of the ocean)

but he drove through an iron gate to nosedive off the pier

he wasn’t braking

and i don’t know what bothers me more

the fact that he wasn’t hesitant or he was!?!?

i really have a hard time visiting (or sharing) any news sites cuz they are all plagued by ads eating your data, can’t scroll, can’t read, like picking flies off in Iraq when trying to eat

they will fucking swarm you

i watched him drive off that pier so much

never once was there a “sensitive content warning”

“participating in this activity could get you hurt”

i watched him drive off that pier doing only what i dare to dream to do….

he wasn’t hesititating

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i would like to write a poem but words fail me

as i struggle with my own depression, my own identity, a place to belong in this world

but don’t hand your cards over to Satan

this might be his world

cuz i asked (while awake) for some clarity if this was “heaven or hell”

im like “yeah the sun feels nice – in limits – and we’re all eating one another to stay alive”

and i know we are suppose to work together

and i know we are born into a manmade prison cuz of his lustful nature

but I had a dream

and in that dream – i came to a realization, and stated to others i cannot recall or remember, in a frantic realization, “we’re in hell”

and it woke me up

but it’s just the tip of the iceberg potentially

and i don’t wanna be down in hell an eternity

i don’t like them odds

and those who worship the dark one make it so easy in society every step we turn to commit sin

i don’t want to live a life of sin and i do not comply with the social credit system

i DO sometimes think of driving off the pier

but man

you ever dove off a diving board and landed on your back?

was he knocked out when the car hit the water?

did he watch himself drown?

he wasn’t swearving

on a wet bridge

he didn’t seem intoxicated to me (maybe parasites)

i thought he was braking

but it was an optical illusion

just the car taking dips

i don’t think he wanted to be found

i don’t think he knew (or wanted) his ending broadcast on TikTok and social media

he didn’t want out, he didn’t want to be found

the only thing he regretted was his life

he didn’t regret having complete control over his ending (did he?)

were there regrets down there in those final moments?

did he struggle?

was he a gen x?

I NEED TO KNOW

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