“do you know why you are here…?”
i don’t know what brought me here
there was a period of awareness in womb – and already a desire to end life before it even started
there are dents in my rib where i rubbed –
clawing to escape the sound of my own heart
or maybe i didn’t want to be born into a monstrous world,
with the cold Antarctic as my mother
my father was a destiny of lies
my mother prayed for my death
said i wasn’t born in love
said i had the darkness in me
all while holding my sister close
the pandemic swept her from her arms and now all blame lies on me
i told her i wanted her to die in pain
i told her i wanted her to suffer more than all the suffering she had caused me
some prayers get answered and others don’t
lessons to be learned
even i am lost in purgatory
without direction
but the wind is no longer gnawing at me
only regret
i plan to bury it
deep within the crusty earth
and plant with it a seed
one day the crust will rise
an angel can spread her wings
no longer laying dormancy
i have done things i regret
to stay afloat the Tennessee river
oh the bridges i’ve been pushed from, jumped, or burned…
what brought me here
maybe the long agony hours awake
the will it takes
that even when you are in the trenches dying, you need to change your socks
it bothers me that John did not have his shoes removed
i would have been clawing the earth off of me
i would have made it cave in
on Susie….
sorry not sorry
i came here to judge!?!
i was stripped of my wings and used as a fleshlight
they want me to believe i haven’t any worth – all while trying to traffic me
the pretty ones are the biggest threat
the ones with the light
the neighbors gang up on me to harass me then scream “we fear the white one”
i am going extinct
if you aren’t serving them with sex or buying their bullshite, then phrases like “she gon be shot” are sung out
i sleep in the lions den where two girls where shot
for being good girls
had to ask the front office what it would take to get the crosses removed from the windows where the tape once was
their cheeks turned rosy; “we’ll take care of that for you”
and i am sure the undercover cop and department is looking for another promotion soon
another major drug bust went down and the gangs need to get revenge
call me paranoid but the cop told me i needed to move
not just from “here” but the entire city
and now there are things i can’t tell my therapist
now there’s really no one to trust
now it is “i need a priest, maybe this isn’t your lane”
maybe the demons in my head
maybe the feelings of unworthiness
maybe no direction
but i need to cast Satan out
you got a pill for that?
cuz maybe i’m a monster
but i still need a priest
some holy water poured on me
Copyright © 2024 Delia Ross /@poeeternal. All rights reserved.
sos: help i’m in hell
anything over 8 will overwhelm the AI, i swore i read it – the updated blog post with tips on blogging and tags direct from WP (but jetpack or some shit)
oh… did light bulb go off?
can you give me some light?
i know we’re not talking to one another – on some deeper inception level i can’t understand but do
im so delusional or lost or disassociating or prefer dreaming to crying but i may have fallen for something i should not and have spent the year in la la land thinking i would never see them again but now it is possible i might be!?!
and now i potentially have to face the thing ive been dreaming heavily about?
is this what dying on the cross is like?
you’re not suppose to fall in love with the prostitute and im not suppose to fall in love with the doctor?
is that how this works?
asking for a friend
PoeEternal 