I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND – is going to be my answer for everything

*arrives at heaven’s headquarters

“Did you experience joy”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local hitler hospital deathcamps

“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local coffee shop

“Would you like cream with that”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

The MRI doc saw me at my worse and noted it wasn’t self-image

After I scolded him for scolding me for making him late for his next appointment with his prostitute (I mean “patient”)

I scolded him for me “not being marriage material” – so I wasn’t worried about making him late

When I don’t even have a husband to go home to…

Caught him trying not to look as I was leaving

All 111 pounds pending surgery (I’m likely not going to get)

I’m gonna start juicing and doing a hardcore regime

When researching, one person beat the odds – but she also had people bringing her vegetables and fruits to encourage her – it took a village – not just her own pocketbook.

Ain’t nobody knocking on my door bringing soup – let alone fresh herbs to juice with so not to die.

I’m getting death threats

(But my doctors do encourage me to stay alive – the male ones anyway)

The females can piss off – they aren’t as smart or empathetic – I hate being under THEIR CARE

HELPS

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P.S. don’t try to maintain a schedule – if I pick up on that – I will intentionally make you late lose time/money with the prostitute

I will pick up on it

And now any time he drives to a prostitute, “not marriage material she said”

Some of y’alls addiction’s are costing us

I’m out for revenge

Gonna make you late now everywhere – everyone – everybody

That’s my level of petty

You wanna call the cops on me? Giddyup!

You hate scheduling appointments? Awe. Shame you were such a bitch I’m missing all my classes.

Self help books exist and I can read and do not need a librarian to check out – we got the self checkout system – for once – I can pass go and not pay $200 or look at your face ever again.

The cop likes me there, he gets my sweet side.

Maybe he’s my future hubby

YOU NEVER KNOW

“You that girl I see at the library”

“Yea”

“Why you having the law called on you”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

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