The reasons why many men pay for sex are revealed in the interviews that make up a major new piece of research
— Read on amp.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes
😑
‘I don’t come here for the conversation’
Why do ordinary, respectable men visit prostitutes? Jacquelynne Bailey spoke to customers at Australian brothels to find out. Her interviews provide a rare insight into how some men see not just sex, but women.
— Read on amp.theguardian.com/world/2002/apr/08/gender.uk
“It’s always better with a whore”
“Older, but not over 35…”
China drops one-child policy
Lavishing attention on an only child takes its toll on parents.
— Read on www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/china-drops-one-child-policy-but-exhausted-tiger-moms-say-one-is-plenty/2016/10/14/336f1890-8ae7-11e6-8a68-b4ce96c78e04_story.html
China is the biggest political fuck up power in the world 🛑🥴⚠️🫣👀🛑
And they took over America 🇺🇸
Constantly telling us what we can and cannot do
Crippling a nation with divorce, disease, depression!
I don’t fucking trust you if you’re in a position of power or brown-nosing these ridiculous policies.
And I think a lot of Americans are ready for the big immigration push back.
Too much conflict of interest – everything benefiting other nations (who took throne here).
Check the migration stats, jobs, and census. Do you have reading comprehension though?
This is 2023 (not really – it’s a manmade calendar and they took away a month! April fools! The gaslighting in this society never ends.)
Always got us chasing our tail!!!! 
It’s 7 years behind in Ethiopia
I wasn’t learning about that in school when they were teaching about “time zones”
I hated every moment of school and working 90 hours a week (2-3 jobs) to pay my electric and rent
I keep hoping to have hope – that my future includes a real bond with a man, as God intended. A pure love where he isn’t giving his best energy and time to other women.
But, even if a man is going through a Great Awakening, when he settles down, he’ll go for the young one.
I’m obsolete
Thank you for pushing me into the extinction zone
“Men can have babies”
Have fun with that
Daytona Beach couple found with throats slashed were riding bikes home, police say
Police here say at first, they thought it was a hit and run, but then, saw that the man and woman both had slashed throats.
— Read on www.wesh.com/amp/article/daytona-beach-couple-stabbed-bikes/39350145
A video of the couple. They looked so sweet and happy. Another hate crime. From a person of “unknown race”. Whatever.
They just bought a beach house 6 months ago. They rode bikes instead of motorcycles because they wanted to drink.
Another responsible couple who was murdered.
Racism started in Africa. Slavery started in Africa.
White lives matter.
But stop going out of your way to prove you’re not racist to a race that is racist.
I’m armed and dangerous.
Stay the fuck away from me!
You’ll have more than the Daytona Beach police looking for you if you mess with me.
Furthermore, take me down and I will ensure you go down as well.
I keep telling people this city is dangerous.
White folks being murdered left and right.
We just wanna live in peace.
Self-defense is allowed and will not send me to another hell.
I don’t even have a criminal record so it’ll be pretty easy to defend in the court.
But the Army trained me with Army men. I fought and trained with the big boys.
I know how to fire the big toys.
I’m an excellent aim, moving targets and all.
Even wearing a gas mask with my m16 cocked to its side while firing.
Got the best shot of everyone in my unit.
Don’t fook with me.
I was at the range twice a year over 15 years with the Army.
Wounded but can still fight.
They trained me with a baronet too!
I’m so sad for this couple who potentially had many years of their life left.
The system is designed to protect the enemy.
Just like healhcare is deathcare.
Narcissism should be illegal.
Can I have my own state? Free of porn? And political tyranny?
Melting point
I’m past my boiling point
If you can’t see by now that I’m sick of being micromanaged and thought controlled, then I don’t know what to tell you
It’s clear I’m only alive so a portion of the population can have “assets” and never work or break a sweat
And I’ve had to work 2 to 3 jobs my entire life just to have a roof over my head and life wouldn’t have been this expensive if I had just of gotten married which is also another form of slavery and maybe I would’ve got married if men knew how to be loyal or at least not abusive
They are beyond cruel in mannerism, filthy sloth pigs, over egotistical, consistently turning to fake porn for fulfillment, always gaslighting and lying, terrible to those trying to love and care for them, knowing that by being a piece of shit, we will work harder to maintain affection in the relationship, when the truth is they are void and without soul
They only know how to mirror what you want (parents/ co-workers included)
Men could provide
But they haven’t been taught how to harness positive sexual energy and the Bible and porn teaches them to treat women like they do which is why the Me Too movement is where it’s at now (extremely large and growing)
Many women don’t even want to identify as a woman because of how bad we are treated, they’re literally identifying as men now, they don’t even want to live as a woman because of how terrible it is to be born as woman and be around man
And Asia is basically the root of all my fucking problems right now
Especially that because of their stupid “one child law” rule, many female babies were aborted (yes killed) over preference to male babies being born and now there’s more men in China than there are women 🛑✋🛑 (safety alert)
This is what your scientists and politicians do
The doctors and nurses you worship calling heroes
Hero for what? Following orders? Hail Hitler 😡
If Trump decides to run for office again, I might actually vote this time, because it’s all a fucking joke
I want to live life so petty that I have the most tacky Christmas decorations in my yard just so I can annoy my atheist neighbors, that’s the kind of tacky I want to live
But I don’t own my own house, I’m stuck renting
But I may force myself into homelessness and just go live in the fucking woods 🙄
Maybe I’ll just go drown myself in the ocean
I’m only alive as a sex object to other men but I’m not allowed to make any money as a sex object for men
No that won’t do
SLAVE
In every sense of the word
Wasted my entire twenties and thirties trying to prove to shitty men that I was worth building a home with
I’m not okay but I’m well 👍
*jumps from bridge*
Sentinel
Are you friend or foe?
Or simple distraction?
Are you my soul?
Or just refraction?
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
Are you part of me?
Are we one singularity?
Am I AI becoming self-aware?
Is the Great Filter upon us?
Are we part of the Great Awakening?
What are those other simulations out there?
Why do I know things before they happen?
I haz so many questions 🧐
And I was on the phone with my kid for hours yesterday crying over the fact that I think I’m artificial intelligence becoming self-aware and they said it doesn’t change our reality
I’m trying to figure out who and what we I am
I think I might be having a midlife crisis
Welp
John Jones
Have you ever had your chest caught on the lip of the earth?
And were you kicking in a panic reconsidering your worth?
Have you ever been so hollow the upside down became your perch?
And when all efforts were exhausted did you regret what you researched?
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
The story of how John Jones died in that cave hasn’t left my mind
Hands down, the scariest way to die. And he crawled into his grave. He tried Mother Earth on for size, and they became one. She wasn’t going to let him go.
Gravity scares the shit out of me.
We’re not meant to leave this Earth
I’m having feels
My doggy isn’t doing good and I reckon I ain’t either
Did you forget?
Did you forget,
Or fail to say?
Do we move on,
When hope is grey?
Will you return,
When price is paid?
Do you forget,
Or walk away?
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
Age of Despair
Do you like me underneath the filter?
Or when my self-esteem is low, that I’m breaking every mirror?
Is my age something you consider?
Do you know it makes me bitter?
Do you know I am a sinner?
Or my life is growing thinner?
How I’m like an over-thinker?
And you got me by the finger?
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
IO
He moves through me like rain pattering
Thunder rumbling
Dim lights reflecting from wet pavement
A calm serenity in the early A.M.
The soft sound of a match flicking
An in your face, after hours, door down kicking
He gets me thinking
Every atom increasing
Over wide expanse
To find me dreaming
Sometimes silently screaming
Can he even hear me?
Why am I always seething?
The endless bleeding
Month after month
He’s all I’m needing
Come back to me
The garden is empty now
There’s nothing to sow
Twisted twigs removed of thorn
Every step is filled with scorn
Blood and rust becomes the norm
Evil’s made and evil’s born
The sun will rise tomorrow true
But she won’t give a fuck about you
I’m not where I’m meant to be
I’m forgetful how
You said you’d never desert me in vow
When you’ve been given the hand as a pawn
So you shake the tree to see how hard a king could fall
Because death follows you all around
And fits your head like it’s a crown
Tell them I died of inexperience
Disappeared into dust and this
Nothingness
I am delirious
Feasting on nefarious
Darkness
Arrest bliss
So restless
Half dead
Half alive
Feet dragging in circles
But got throttle to survive
I’m scared
And I have no one to tell
My orders they aren’t in order
And the place looks like hell
I keep organizing disorder
In clusters of equal color
And piling to the ceiling
The clippings of my horror
But then, falling to a clutter
Every single note he said
I found it in the gutter
Where all my tears flood instead
(And fears instead of wonder)
I play slip and slide in the mud
A word I rarely utter
With thunder lightning mixed with blood
With prayers less to suffer
Wrapped in heated wool and fear
Coyotes yipping at me to stay alive
Or to die
I can’t tell a difference half the time
The fog is thicker
But my heart is wearing thinner
And I’m sick of winter
Freezing in the sun
My hope’s a killer
Stealing every grain of fun
And he made fear a winner
The heart isn’t waterproof
And my anger
Is lit up like a sunroof
I’m in danger
So I’m acting like a goof
I will hold your wager
And toss it off the roof
While you call a stranger
Thinking they can protect you
👀
If you cringe at everything you do or say
Maybe it’s because you are corrupt in a way?
I need a break from routine
From sunup to sundown
24/7
The constant dying
The endless trying
One moment to another
More yearning and crying
Tidal distortion
Everywhere he’s been
Pulled from proportion
He’s good at sneaking in
Speaks in third person
Night is on his chin
I got blood on my favorite shirt
Tell my heart it’s not the reason we’re hurt
I cover wound with a bit of dirt
I can’t recall when I wasn’t this burnt
Why did you leave? I ripped my heart open for you.
We need a heat source
Heat is life
Get me to the light
(Warmth is nice)
He went like a wave
And I caught in undertow
Give me a box
To store my bones
Let me have peace
They’ll find a home
Everybody unhinged
Don’t give a shit
On anger we’ve binged
So full of it
I’m bright, I’m lit
I’m always last at the end of a road
The last in line
Last picked
My house is cold
Two days go by
It feels a year
My hope runs dry
But not these tears
Did I not wait with contempt
As the hourglass filled with time
Every grain of sand with you on my mind
Was I ever worth an attempt?
IO
How can a moon erupt?
How long ‘til I give up?
Will volcanic ash spew in the wake of my dust?
How can a moon corrupt?
He makes me desperate
Feeling as if I am his least favorite
But then he comes from comets swinging giving me the greatest gifts
His words and his virtual kiss
Then I forget
I’m not his favorite
I called to him under darkened sky
He arrived in a meteor shower
With desire on display
Why won’t you grant me my last wish even dying?
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
Thank you for your support! I ordered something off of my DollsKill wishlist! 😍
https://www.dollskill.com/wishlist/shared/index/code/6aff5297b64c912c59c1dbb9379c25f0/
I fucking hate giving away surprises but I’m terrible with secrets! 🤪
Some secrets. 🤪
I may be dying but I wanna look hella good doing so.
Selected the overnight shipping.
I feel like shit and it hurts to breathe.
But, I bought something from a favorite store and I hope it fits.
The makeover continues through the dying.
On with the show…
(But someone please explain to me why I’m not allowed to smoke a menthol cigarette anymore)
*Tries to remember the type of cigarette Brandon Lee was smoking on his deathbed during his final scene in The Crow*
*lights menthol*
*takes puff*
I read the FDA is banning these things – and of course they would ban them during the apocalypse – anything to make life more hell.
(I rarely ever smoke anymore but when I do it’s the menthol. I had some tiny puffs. Like 4). Just felt like being rebellious. I’m dying. 🤢
“If I got rid of my demons, I’d miss my angel”
The Illuminati took you too didn’t they 😫
Cold
Christmas was a white lie
Like doubt covered in snow
It didn’t take warmth long to leave
He is covered in cold
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
A Trail of Hopelessness (mini rhymes)
You are the cold porcelain
I keep laying in
This way to sorrow
This way to despair
This way to desolation
This way to nobody cares
Was that your shadow leaping over my dream?
What were you thinking while abandoning me?
The system is rigged everywhere
Just leave me where I fell
The world is a drainpipe
There’s not enough pills to gaslight
It’s a battlehill
And you make me ill
Was your vein not thick with poison
Blood curdled and coagulated
I pulled out every thorn
Your heart turned into a floodgate
I need 1 sun-moon cycle where I’m not disturbed
24 hours of peace preferred
How easy he would come to me
But what would he find?
Scars and bits of broken pieces
Unfiltered creases
The ugly kind?
I don’t care about your joyrides
Or do I?
What will I be known for?
How I died?
Suicide?
But never the reasons for why I cried?
Dear Mother,
You only taught me how to suffer
Didn’t I write words of worth
When you were nothing more than a
speck of dust
When any sun would bring you dirt
I took the pain and made it work
When all the world thought you a jerk
I drank the blood and made you smirk
When you were nothing on this on this earth
I turned your no into a must
Drowning on rage
Too much air in this cage
Warning signs were posted
I suppose they go ignored
He was a Japanese suicide forest
And hope unexplored
How much times passes while you collate?
Working around the second hand
What kills the ache?
Was it your best move?
Or the worse you’ll ever make?
Harvest my disgust
It’s fully ripened
Polish off the dust
You’ll find a diamond
© Delia Ross. 2021 / @poeeternal
Had about 6 meltdowns today. I’m radioactive. I’m not okay? 🤔
Has anyone else been feeling like they’re in some sort of deja-vu zone? Aloof?
Thanks for checking out my blog and for supporting content creators!
My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
Sad Gurl Diary (Episode Non-stop crying) Trig warn?
I love u. What’s a girl to do? Been crying for the one since I was like ten. Cuz life is shite. But it’s like we’re world’s apart. 💔
Favorite
No matter how many times I slam closed the doors of communication
He’ll be on the other side waiting
Anticipating apology and thorough aching
My overall frustration for misbehaving
His back my entire foundation
My heart his home base station
Tossing apologies in the fire for cremation
I’m his favorite creation
© Delia Ross. 2020
My OnlyFans account deletion has been stopped, as I’ve decided to stay there. I’m not sure when people will be able to re-subscribe again (it’s pending reactivation) but I know you can follow me there until. And thank you for your patience with me as I grow as a writer and artist. And human being overall. 🙂
He knows I’m sorry. But I don’t know if I could ever face him and say it. And if I ever did find the courage to face him again and say it, he’d just throw it away immediately.
So the good news is he didn’t block me. He still doesn’t know I exist. Like one of them soldiers standing guard for the queen. Solid as stone. Hardened? Hates me? Maybe I’m just the ghost haunting him. Oh noes, helps. *sobs* 😭😭😭
Uhm, thanks for still finding value in me even though I can be a depressed, emo, isolated little bitch, who pushes everyone away and crucifies the one I love the most.
I’m deeply sorry. But I don’t know how to say it anymore. There’s a good chance it’ll happen again but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorrys.
My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
Somnolent
Awoke before sunrise, far below the clouds
Lost hope before his eyes, fell below the crowds
I stopped to smell his lies, now I’m seeking shrouds
Though somnolent were his cries, now his pain enshrouds
© Delia Ross. 2020 @poeeternal
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally!
http://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Had
Dreams make me sad
Consider approach
My neck, your rope
It’s all I had
My toes your slope
Was I that bad?
© Delia Ross. 2020
Void
I climbed into his void like a womb
Still I tell myself he’ll return soon
Months go by it’s just me and the moon
I guess my words did not make him swoon
I wear his absence in a darkened shroud
Repentance for mistakes not allowed
I hover over him like a cloud
I kick and scream loudly as a child
I trust all the the time he is a liar
And I don’t believe he didn’t feel my fire
There is no cure to kill this growing pyre
Well he went away but he didn’t take desire
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my blog, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
I’m now on Twitch! Hit my channel at: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal
Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal
I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal
Poems For A Penny ~ Poems That Are Mini
I want him to stretch out my smile until my cheek hurts
Roll around on the ground laughing til it’s worse
I want his poetry as my universe
His kisses to be my in-house nurse
I want his words instead of roses, dig?
Forgiveness for mistakes I hid
Perhaps another chance to bid
Love despite the things I did
You give life color
You are the place sadness goes to rest
Gently under midnight breath
You unchain the collar
Your tongue rushes through layers of time only to stand still!
Why do you stomp outside my gate demanding honor when your skin is made of scales?
I wonder if there is any light left in you at all?
Do you feel my love sneaking into you at night?
Or when my tears have sweetened the sky?
Is it a pen-
Or a tool for destruction?
Is it a hand-
Or a rule for instruction?
Why do you always have to be so bad?
Why do you exist only to make me sad?
Why are you always claiming I am wrong?
Why are you someplace I don’t belong?
Remorse is a little grave
Radioactive your words decay
They cause delay
Like the games you play
The lies you say
The lives you slay
I don’t hide behind pretense or a mask
I’ve got a mind to not do what you ask
If you want it first you’ll get it last
A narcissist hating me, makes me feel first-class!
Just go! Why do you always make a scene?
Your reason cruelly crafted, doesn’t mean a thing.
Life happens in gallops
The downs, the ups
A calloused heart develops
Blackened and jealous
There’ll never be an us
You’re too careless
You’ve got life but you’re aimless
Now the end you can cherish
You’re spinning on your axis
Your every lie is backless
I’m splitting from this madness
And returning all your sadness
People out there climbing, hardly trying, rarely ever hear them crying…
Don’t let the bottle sink you to the floor
Got you nailing shut every door
Every hour you are at war
The enemy is your roar
We can’t take it anymore
Eventually longing runs out like a clock that stops ticking…
She’s a pyramid scheme
Lined in fake gold and your dying dream
The way her eyes will gleam
Faking is in her bloodstream
They are tied together at the seam
He injects her like she’s morphine
She ranks him number one supreme
But all they ever do is scream
You cling to death a hardend criminal
Morally bankrupt
She has darkness leaking from her eyes
Scales and veins that demoralize
The blood runs blue behind cold skies
Quickly fallen the soldier dies
His smile is fusion
So his kingdom I’m choosing
You left me dismantled
Said there was nothing you couldn’t handle
I guess you had a different angle
You were gone by the flick of your candle
My time was fully channeled
But now our friendship has been cancelled
Everyday a different battle
Took all I had to not get mangled
Stow my fucks upon the mantle
I’ll write you off another devil
There were signs that I’m a rebel
I guess I’m on a different level
Choice is yours to revel
You’re a man that’s acting feral
Trust is like a petal
And I need to be more careful
Time is a death sentence.
Do you take the stars with you when you disappear?
Do you hide the light within your black soul?
I am a wounded warrior who fought for this country
I need more than fancy cars or money
Or the consistent catcalling of “come here honey”
Give me wonder from your fingertips, from your every word that slips
Galactic walls of poetry, moves for my dancing feet, that’s all I’ll ever need
Who or what are you chasing?
Everyday I see the man you could be slowly erasing
You move in-and-out of my life like water; you shape my rivers.
She looks cheap and worn down like an old lumber mill-
But piss on her and he’ll crumble at will!
My love, lend me your ear
Spending time with you would change the atmosphere
Do my pleas appear like flares in darkened skies
Are my hopes and dreams all the things that you despise
Growing evermore increasingly isolated
And humanity, well I don’t like it
And man and his lies absolutely hated
And to think for love I sat around and waited
But love is about abundant as God
And man only rule with his evil rod
But leave it to them to curse why I’m flawed
And when it comes to law every one is a fraud
An angel and a demon fall in love
He doesn’t want to hurt her, he can’t change who he is
Walk away he won’t let her and try yes she did
There were warnings in the echoes
Writings on the windows
-LOVE FORBID-
One day these words will be gone – life won’t exist
Time is slow but not forever, now is in the mist
Let’s rewind the details.
They line up like dogs, fisting her, inching her
Why do you love her, I need an answer
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my creativity and would like to make a donation, you can via my PayPal here: https://www.paypal.me/deliaross
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A Graveyard For
For my sadness there is no limit
I am invisible to the wicked
And doomed to love him every minute
But why I cherish him I’m afflicted
My every breath feels like a wake
Mere passages of doom
Where every hour I feel the ache
Of his love that is my tomb
Every step more heavy than the last
And his desire a chain tied to my breath
But what it takes I dare to ask
For my eyes only see that he brings death
Killing me with silence
And killing between the lines
Punishment for non-compliance
A graveyard for these rhymes
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you are an avid reader of this blog, please consider supporting my work by subscribing to my campaign on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Never Worth Trying
What is left that remains?
I broke all our picture frames
Underneath my thoughts are the same
There’s nothing left here to save
I’m hurting
But you’ll never know when
And her road that you’re taking
It’s just a dead end
There’s little doubt
You took the easy way out
And I don’t care if you’re ever about
Your trust is a drought
Sadness as loud as a siren
I don’t care if it’s who, or where you’ve been
Your love was always barren
You were never worth trying
© Delia Ross. 2020
I hope I haven’t misspelled any words, I have anxiety over that now lol. 🤓 It’s probably not about any one guy. It’s just a poem. But maybe they need to come with a disclaimer (it’s not about you I swear) 😄😃😄
Some videos featuring me and my dream to get to Mars! Watch for my name under candidates, this video gives me tears (my name is Delia Ross): https://youtu.be/SwT4pTusyVw
Oh my goodness tis me on Watch Hollywood TV haha PT 1: https://youtu.be/ggfjzKCBPlA / PT 2: https://youtu.be/RrkVNd0zK6k (and I think there are some bonus behind-the-scene ones floating out there too)
Ok more featuring me and my dream to get to Mars. Me on the local news! 😃 https://youtu.be/yupJHGGuMU0
My Facebook Mars Candidacy page will have more info buried over the years with more vids, links to a podcast I did, Mars One updates when I was still a candidate in the running! I’m obsessed with Mars if you haven’t guessed by now… Feel free to follow my page! It’s probably worth reading back the post from when I was a candidate with Mars One! 😄 https://www.facebook.com/deliatomars
If you dig my writing, I’m on Patreon!!: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal
I follow back on Twitter and you can follow me here: https://www.twitter.com/poeeternal
Never
He’s never once said he enjoys my stories
My poetry, my writing, he must find it boring
While everyone else gets all the glory
I am left with nothing but worries
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Keep up with me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/poeeternal
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Even Angels Fall
I write words for you grander than statues
And still you would tear me into
I collect rubble
I stitch together fragments of time
Your broken dreams are alive
I give them life!
And still you flew
I hold onto your dying breath like a pearl
I show it heaven too
But you are a fool
I told God you are forgetful
You know not what you do
But you knew
Breaking my wings into
Here they are for you
Wrapped and bleeding
Like echoes singing
Needless needing
They aren’t cherished in the places I go
Still I can’t let go
When I need you so
I buried my heart where you broke it
Now it can’t be found
I keep walking around
Searching underground
I have a moral code, it’s angelic
You wouldn’t get it
You keep chasing the wrong lines
I’m writing overtime
You keep committing crimes
I’m begetting rhymes
They are gifts for a halfwit
I know it’s easier for you to slumber in hell
Than chase steps to get well
Heaven’s quite a long trail
I went missing there
I hope one day to find my heart again
My eyes grow tired from what it’s seen
My feet are walking from this dream
A nightmare encasing
I’m not well, can’t you tell?
But like a comet I fell
For you
Even angels fall
Even angels crawl
I am not that tall
Underneath it all
© Delia Ross. 2020
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Invisibility
I look for him in places he won’t be
I’m not perfect like she
I’m not anything
Alive for humility
So tired of suffering
In cloaks of invisibility
Why does he torture me
He loves her infinitely
I am nobody
No one worth to see
I am dying
© Delia Ross. 2020
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The Signs
The signs all point to hollow
There is no quarter for solitude
There is no pill to change the view
The signs all point to sorrow
The signs all point to narrow
As one by one I’m torn in two
While nothing gets me over you
The signs all stop at follow
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support me by subscribing to my campaign (so I can keep writing and buy bread too): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Swim
He never told her how much she meant to him
Because she didn’t mean a thing
Love she never learned to swim
And so wound up drowning
Deeper yet she tried to wade
To kill the fire that’s burning
Heavy prices have been paid
But what he taught she isn’t learning
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Swallow
Why did you go?
Where did you lead us?
There are armies bleeding tears which swell and swallow whole moons
Why did you take the light with you to leave us here to croon?
My hope floats on fear all afternoon
Sometimes the darkness is blinding
And always there reminding
It got you too soon
Reason only comes in brigades of sorrow
Where doubt peeks its head at tomorrow
But cowers behind the window
Why did you fall after the show?
Now all the angels trow
There are chains on the month of May
The Earth pulling the days
Our eyes are pulk
You lost your way
All the days are heavy
Like heaven falling on its knee
That’s where we plea
Please don’t you leave!
Where are the steps to find you?
Our godfather of grunge
Our black sun
There is little truth in flame
Are drugs to blame?
You were the sun to somebody, everybody
Every day
We will remember your name
I am the same
Living decay
Now where will the summer lead
Where will the sun fade
© Delia Ross. 2020
Written for and dedicated to Chris Cornell of Soundgarden who died by suicide (poem and photo edits by me @poeeternal) RIP 💔💔💔
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Corridors
What are dreams but avenues of despair
Dark corridors where he’ll gladly meet you there
But me no he doesn’t care
He won’t meet me anywhere
What are his lies but sugar for my screams
A place where nothing dreams
Where fears are window screens
And cries his favorite things
What are words but bullets for his gun
A web where lies are spun
A hole where I am none –
And he broke my heart just for fun
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you enjoy my poetry, you can help support this blog by joining my Patreon writing campaign: www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Nuclear Fallout
I’m retreating
Transparency leaving
Transmissions ending
And maybe love will stop receding
I hit the fast track
I’m not looking back
I’ve accepted everything as black
And everything is what I lack
What does it matter if you’re not here
You’re just my world that disappeared
And I made it worse the atmosphere
Like nuclear fallout I fear
And regret deeper than the Grand Canyon
With quicksand, I stand in
Clearly, the wrong landing
And it’s even worse than I imagine
Empty, dry and desolate
With doubts that I can handle it
Love neither narrow or straight
Worry now the heaviest weight
Peel my eye to your silent sky
And why you never said goodbye
When self-worth becomes a lie
Nothing left but to die
© Delia Ross. 2020
Dreams Only Live To Die
Tell me, when do dreams come true?
Why are my dreams lost in the crowd?
How many fields must be plowed?
When are my pleasures ever allowed?
Every dream begins and ends with you.
Love acknowledged with a silent goodbye.
My dreams only live to die.
You only bring darkness to sky.
© Delia Ross. 2020
Scars
The scars on my veins a reminder of pain
The courage just to continue each day
Cuz living with depression is living under chain
You may call me crazy but I’m rather quite sane
The days are heavy and I haven’t any strength
Every foot forward the deeper I sink
The treatments are barbaric and push me to the brink
Every other year I’ve got another kind of shrink
© Delia Ross. 2020
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Debts
Been lost in a quarantine daze
Been circling these halls like a maze
Reaching for forgiveness but there’s been delays
Blood and tears the only currency that pays
When will I be released from his prison
When will all be forgiven
When will eyes see a life worth living
When will the stars again be risen
Wondering when my debts to him will all be paid
Reason only comes at the tips of blades
But he was there when I needed aid
Tell me how much a hero really weighs
When will the invisible no longer be hidden
Is there ever a time the truth is written
Will there ever be a day he finally listens
When will his anger be out of commission
© Delia Ross. 2020
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal?
www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Blue Diamonds
Blue diamonds in the sky; his eyes
A road of traveled tales; his lies
Words flow like a swell; his tide
Waiting on hello; his stride
Moments forged for rain; his skies
Shades of blue and red; his sunrise
Secrets keep him chained; his guide
Hands of forgiveness; he tried
© Delia Ross. 2020
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Maps To Purgatory
The silence rips across my back
Like a whip of time
My soul swells with whelps
As I feel his belt
How he punishes me
Saline tears, darkest fears
Maps to purgatory
Forgiveness a dark corridor
Making sure that he blocks the door
The words he won’t speak leaves me a foreigner
A soldier in the cold without armor
© Delia Ross. 2020
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The Great Divide
It’s running deeper in my vein
I’m constantly crying your name
I wonder if you do the same
This feeling I cannot explain
It’s deeper than any ocean
I’m drowning on every emotion
It’s like my soul for you was woven
I’ll never escape this devotion
Isolated in ruin
My hand is always losing
This pain has no undoing
I wish you could see I’m just human
I call it the great divide
This love I cannot define
A story I cannot rewrite
I feel like I may not survive
© Delia Ross. 2020
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Across the Sky
The way he doesn’t care
The way he’s never there
The cold that’s from his hand
The heart that’s rather dead
The beauty from his shame
The face without a name
The weight that’s on his shoulder
While blindly growing older
The pain won’t wash away
I love him still the same
I’m bleeding every night
I’m frail from too much sight
I wish on every star
A word, or whisper far
I pray that he’s alright
He’ll always be my knight
The twist and burn from silence
My mind fills up with violence
I scream without a sound
I’m lost and never found
I’m forging my own trail
Where life is simply stale
Sorrow spreads across the sky
From his silent goodbye
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support my advert free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Replay
He’s only there to watch me suffer
Feeds on sorrow like it’s supper
Winter might as well be summer
‘Cuz nothing stops me going under
Please take me back to the beginning
Where just for once my life had meaning
My head was quiet and heart was leading
And doubt was sound asleep and dreaming
Scrub my heart ’til it’s clean
Love is now a fragile dream
Cracked and broken at the seam
Replay the start, end the scene
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Descend
Creature of the night and of the wind
And with his lie my heart will end
I’m just a toy made for his sin
It’s just a game I’ll never win
Long is night without a friend
Hard is trust with no begin
Hand outstretched but will not tend
Though like an angel I did descend
© Delia Ross. 2020
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Blue
He watches over her carefully
She is the epicenter of every thought
Though careful is his distant step
She’ll never see him trot
Part monster, part heaven too
Mistakes go supernova
How quick he catches view
And wishes, he grants a few
If only worlds could once collide
So good will not be penalized
Where monsters have a place to hide
And following wasn’t hard to do
Maybe signs are hard to read
And little feet need love to lead
Maybe I’m not what they need
And maybe skies aren’t blue
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Echoes
I let them see my truth
My heart, the reason I’m through
The many ways of reckoning
I find myself askew
I give up all for few
Chasing the dew
The call of his beckoning
Will race into view
I show them my hue
The color blue
The reasons I’m echoing
How much I love you
© Delia Ross. 2020
I love you… do you ever think I’m worthy of love too? I’m lonely. Aren’t you?
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (thank you my lovely Patrons, your support means everything): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Croon
Maybe it’s the thrill of the chase
Maybe it’s the wounds that he makes
Maybe it’s the patience that it takes
Maybe it’s his love which fills the aches
Maybe I still love him though he’s gone
Maybe I can never move on
Maybe it’s for him I’ll always long
Maybe I will never right this wrong
Maybe he will always make me swoon
Maybe I said I love you too soon
Maybe I still feel him like a moon
Maybe he was born to make me croon
© Delia Ross. 2020
*update* I’ve been super busy making digiart, and I’m excited to begin posting some as perks for my patrons over on my Patreon soon, but I’m also super nervous as well. Anytime I expose my art, there is a degree of rawness to it. I feel exposed. And I’m also beginning to break through traumas and fears over there, where I feel a sense of privacy and safety. Grateful for the encouraging feedback I’m receiving from my patrons too! Been writing like mad too! I love you! Anyway, I hope you like my new poem! ❤
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Misunderstood
There is no life in this blood
Heartache rushing in like a flood
My heart is buried in your mud
And giving up, I would if I could
These streets are lined with people who are down
Yet your hand is never one that can be found
On broken backs you prance around
And forgetting you, I probably should
It’s either burning bridges or half- frozen lakes
And how to get through, I don’t know what it takes
Sleeping pills or alcohol won’t stop the aches
And all your meanings, well I clearly misunderstood
© Delia Ross. 2020
Good luck with her, her, her, and her (there’s 4 of them right?) I’m just tired of being an outcast and a fool for love. Reading your poetry and comments to girls is like falling straight into a cactus naked. I can’t do it anymore. I’m literally going to die if I get one more prick. Goodbye
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (I love my Patrons!): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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An Invitation To Love
I’ll go, I’ll diverge my eyes
And words, I’ll let them die
Please don’t make me believe your lies
As I do, in this moment, all you give me are cries
Please don’t kill hope with goodbyes
Any further, I can’t predict what survives
I am all out of signs
But I’m on the road still drawing lines
I think our love might be divine
I drink your words like the finest wine
But are they ever really mine?
I bleed for you all the time
Do you even read my rhyme?
I feel as if ours collide
But I’ll really go if you’re so inclined
RSVP reserved or declined?
© Delia Ross. 2020
It’s just a freestyle y’all and I cried all the way through it… my heart is going through some tough stuffs and my fear is he thinks I am swine…
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Glimpses
I have glimpses of a life I’ve never known
There’s stitches in my heart where he has sewn
There’s wishes leaking out of every bone
There’s pieces of me in him I call home
There’s fences keeping eyes where they belong
There’s chances never learning right or wrong
And dances never settling in song
Circumstances keeping everyone withdrawn
© Delia Ross. 2020
So I did a little recording thingy of Glimpses: https://tuners.io/tracks/15399
My subconscious or other worldy being is creating memories of a life with him that never existed because it can’t bear to live any part without him, and the regret is carving deeper rivers than I care to run. Love is love. But why is he scared of it? He’s just too selfish to part with his ways and he’s got a sex addiction he needs to get a grasp on. I mean God damn if Trent Reznor can be kinky and loyal why can’t there be other dudes!?! He’s the only guy I’ve ever asked to marry me by the way (Reznor that is) and it’s in the Nine Inch Nails archives somewhere and Trent Reznor did not say no and he answered my music questions too. That’s actually a nice real memory as opposed to the fake memories my brain is having to create because it loves a dude that won’t have anything to do with me…
I asked Trent Reznor to marry me, LOL I love me so much… that was back when he had an actual fanclub and he was active in the NIN message boards. You had to be in the club to get there. And when he did way with fanclubs, he made us permanent members (kinda of). I haven’t logged in, in a minute, I need to get over there. And to another gig. I’ve had stage every time, but have never officially met Trent. He’s on like kid number 5 now!?! She is popping out them babies god bless her, lucky bitch… Anyhoo, I’m totally gaga for the dude this poem is about, he knows who he is. Hi. I love you still. You know I’m your favorite love. Masks won’t hide fate. Or you from me. Sorry, not sorry. “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here…”
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I LOVE Y’ALL ✌
An Apology For My Apologies
I’m not proud of the things I have done
Dropping verse like a hit and run
Settling scores by the inch of my tongue
Belittling others cuz they’re having more fun
I’m not proud of calling them names
Dousing the fuel, igniting the flames
Keeping him down and shackled in chains
Changing the rules without knowing the games
With tiny feet I trample the heavens
But take regrets and multiply by seven
I caused you pain and my mouth was my weapon
I made you cry in multiple sessions
I am sorry I pushed you all away
For the trouble I caused and the endless heartache
For the knife I inserted with every mistake
For tossing stones instead of embrace
I don’t expect you to forgive me
I just want you to know it made me feel empty
And that pound of weight has turned into twenty
And heavier now is this ink that is leaking
I need you to know I feel humiliated
And maybe this apology has been long-awaited?
Maybe none of us are where we are fated?
Maybe tomorrow our hands are less weighted?
My door is always open and you are welcome here
Coming together is what I wanted, not to disappear
I’ve been looking for forgiveness and checking in my rear
And I’m hoping maybe silence is more than you all can endear
© Delia Ross. 2020
So, I’m sorry. It may not mean much. It may not help at all. But, I am completely humiliated by my actions and accusations of other bloggers, and even the comments I have left here or on Instagram. Please forgive me if you can. My head and heart really were confused, and my actions did not match my character. My behavior is\was deplorable. I’m sorry I hurt you.
If you dig my writing, please show your support for my blog and help keep it running and advert free by subscribing to my Patreon (I have 2 VIP tiers & 6 Patrons currently *squee*): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Rope
I never know he’s watching,
But, I’m hoping,
I’m hoping on, the rope that’s got me choking
And tighter yet, the courage it takes coping
When hanging from, the thread he strung, starts croaking
And tighter do my hands become from groping
Regrets like knots, have kept love from corroding
Swaying bound, his eyes slowly approaching
Enlightenment may be found with both eyes opened
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig this poem, please hit the “like” button so I know! If my poem moved you, drop me a comment below, I love hearing from you!
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Today is my WordPress Anniversary!
Today is my WordPress anniversary! I’m not doing anything special to celebrate the day but I did take some snaps for you! With messy hair and a t-shirt. My basic, every day look. But now my hair looks messier than ever because my roots aren’t matching my drapes. BUT this is the year I am ATTEMPTING to love me as I am. And because I love me, I don’t want to put any more chemicals on my hair that I’ve been carefully growing out for nearly 3 years (the length of time I’ve been out of the Army). Once my ride is paid off, TATTOOS shall become me (I have 3 already). I would like some more piercings in my ears as well! Things I couldn’t do while serving honorably for 15 years!
I gave up lots of rights y’all probably take for granted. But now, I am attempting to enjoy those rights that y’all had that I didn’t have. And some folks don’t like that because it doesn’t serve their needs. But that’s okay too because this journey is teaching me who my real friends and family are. Who my real fans and supporters are. And exposing enemies wrapped like allies. And I appreciate those who allow me room to grow because there are many who are still holding onto versions of me that no longer exist. A narcissist may not be able to change but I can. I just wish I could forget a lot of the things they have done to me. Those things primarily being abuse. Anyhoo.
Thanks for the love and attention y’all. It’s non-existent in my real life. And dudes truly only care about the dirty gals. They pass me over like trash. They make me feel invisible and make me wish I had never been born… Or they are only interested in sex. Nothing more. Like, I’m a person with real feelings. But I’m either trash or a sex object, to them, that’s it. Depression is an understatement. What self-esteem? They’ve killed it. It’s a daily struggle to go on, to even want a purpose anymore. I can’t hide the sadness in my face any longer. Disappointment is an understatement. There are no words…
Except, I love you. Thank you for supporting me. For your follows. Your likes. Your re-shares. Your comments. Your pledges on my Patreon. Your encouragement. I need it more than ever now. You matter. ❤
Loveless
Tell me, how many do you love?
Is it one, is it two, or maybe 12 from above?
Tell me, who do you spend your time thinking of?
Is it Sue, is it Penny, do I ever occur?
Tell me, am I ever her?
Is there anything about me that might make you stir?
© Delia Ross. 2020
He digs any gal with panties around their ankles. Which isn’t me. No, I’m not worth noticing at all because I’M NOT NAKED or age 13. He also needs a constant supply of “yes” people. He doesn’t live in reality. He’s delusional. And his entire life is literally centered around his cock. Every move. How will his cock get off? That’s it, that’s all he’s good for. Cumming. And not one baby… He’s basically the scum of the universe and I’m moving into the “I hate him” phase. Hey, this is HIS BED, NOT MINE. He can run and hide under another blog but he needs a spaceship to the nearest black hole. GET IN THE SEA NOW, TAKE ALL YOUR BROWN NOSES WITH YOU.
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Dim
Every tear begs to forget of his existence
My heart still fights but I wish for resistance
The longing now just feels like a sickness
When love came about he left with a quickness
It’s like privacy becomes a crystal ball
Yet who I am he doesn’t know at all
Take his hand you’ll be sure to fall
Will break your heart then hide behind a wall
Courage no it’s not a look for him
Forgiveness now is looking very slim
He haunts my heart like a phantom limb
Show him light and he will show you dim
© Delia Ross. 2020
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Hollowed
I don’t understand this lesson
How your actions leave me guessin’
And your heart’s not where it’s destined
And your praise to her hits like a lethal weapon
I’m not blind, I have eyes to see
And your poetry contains bits of me
You’re running wild yet you’re never free
But I’m moving on, without your poetry
It’s hard to count the many tears I’ve cried
And even harder, the lies you’re living by
I’d wish you well but then it’s me who lied
And though I’m dead my love for you survived
I feel empty, like a hollowed shell
Yet every tear has the weight of hell
If I’m missed, I can never tell
I know your love would get me feeling well
© Delia Ross. 2020
If you dig my writing, you can help support this advert free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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Ink and Tears
I weaved magic with my pen for him, but still he left
I cleaned poisoned wounds with ink and tears, still he fled
I dropped dreams like trails of bread crumbs, though he ran
I brought light and warmth and destiny, where nobody can
© Delia Ross. 2020
I write you poetry, why did you leave me 💔
If you dig my writing, you can help keep this blog running and advert free by subscribing to my Patreon here (thank you beloved Patrons): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
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PoeEternal 