Grief changes you

Grief changes you
Strings stay connected
But you find yourself in a new world
Strange unfamiliar settings
The navigation controls glitching
Life will never be the same

This place is cursed
From twilight to dusk
My sins interspersed
The golden hour
Mixed with rust
The dead
Blood and dust
We’re grounds for divorce
His thirst for lust
We speak in morse
Secret code of sin
And it’s getting worse
He’s first of course
For my hatred to enforce
Man’s overrule
His math and wicked verse

Would you hold my wrinkles, the way you hold the cold?
Just like darkness, you both make me old.

My name is on the lease
But this isn’t home
I blocked your identity
But you will never call

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

I don’t know what my purpose is. Becoming homeless? Jumping from a bridge?

Giving up on all humanity doesn’t quite feel right.

I wanna work – at least – a tiny bit – but there are roadblocks yet to overcome. Patience is something I’m being forced to learn. I guess I need to check out some library books on patience.

I’m having a hard time quitting legal weed. I never had an addiction to cannabis before. I’m not paying the state to renew my card, or the doctor. That’s one way to force me to quit. I researched. It’s extremely hard and most men get a ton of help to quit. I’ve got faith and prayer and hardly any will (to live) to quit.

I’m tired of the brain fog, the shit don’t work.

I’d rather bury the money I’m wasting on medicinal.

But things are always flooding here and I don’t have my own yard.

Apparently buying a home is not a good time, I’ve also researched.

And good luck finding a plot of land that isn’t surrounded by big farming corporations. YUCK.

America was sold out.

Some grandmother caught her 3 year old grandson watching porn and he knew how to access it

The government makes money off porn

Apparently if you’re a criminal or have a hard time getting a job, the government will give your employer a 5k bond for hiring you. FUCK YOU

Society is a scam

I busted my ass through college – to be met with hiring freezes, furloughs, inflation, and a pandemic with a snake oil cure that wiped out half the workforce – leaving the best jobs to only the very brightest – the immigrants – and the shitty jobs for the rest.

It’s also 60% more expensive to live life solo. Yay!

Porn should be banned from the internet. Period. You fucked it up and should have kept it behind closed doors and black curtains.

Some husband cheating on his wife with his girlfriend recently murdered her – and got 4 years. Men are getting punished less and less for crimes against women.

Meanwhile a wife got 17 years for killing her husband in defense – after begging the government for help.

The Great Replacement theory is real

White slavery

Sexual slavery

It’s sick what my parents did to me and my now dead sister (she was 45) (go mom and dad The One Who Shall Not Be Named)

Because of law Section 230 – violence against women and children on porn sites uploaded go unpunished!!!!!

They make money from it and just remove it when asked! No biggie!!!!

Sick society!

I hated porn in the 90s when it was mostly nude magazines and strip clubs!!!!! They weren’t selling anal sex toys in front of the children at the Mall or Walmart!

Y’all are sick!!!!!!!!!!

I’m very depressed among other things

The poets made WordPress what it was – and now they don’t need us – unless to buy a product.

These companies get the government involved and it loses any magic it had.

Advertising is conditioning and should be illegal.

I’m tired of complaining about this manmade world

They’re all nihilist

95% of them

They’d rather believe a math formula predicting a black hole that shouldn’t be there – is more magical – than life growing itself in the womb.

Pissed off they can’t do it themselves

Don’t want women feeling happy

They think AI is better than women

They think women haven’t contributed to society and quite frankly – they can keep their electricity. At the price, I don’t want it.

I never wanted any of this

We’re born into an unfair system

Where boys get away with murder and get paid more than us (and then the government helps them get jobs with bonds)

Those who play by the rules are the mark

If you’re ever in doubt, it’s you…

Narcissism is a plague and easily spread by porn, Christian propaganda, and over nurturing

Test tube babies should be illegal

Dogs – cats – cute but eating up natural livestock and they were made in a lab

Apparently water buffalo are on the extinction list yet I just bought an ear from the Dollar Tree $1.25 Tree)

I haven’t murdered the dog with a “good day” yet

He likely suffer til the end

Today I made him an egg sandwich

Yesterday he had a toasted turkey dog

He has dog food and treats too

He wants his food, my food, plus his food

I fed squirrel yesterday

Hung out for half an hour sundown feeding her/him

The guy who murdered his 8 month old pregnant wife – dumped her from his boat, then went and turned the baby room into storage, sold the wife’s car, and tried to sell the house – he was removed from death row – gets an hour of sunshine per day, 3 meals a day – for life.

She washed ashore

He had searched on his phone “ocean tides” (or waves)

He was probably an undercover gay

They expect us to “mommy them”

Men are monsters. Guaranteed.

If they were really genius, they’d know how to make women happy and stop killing everything.

One person asked what women would do with men safely gone for 24 hours.

Most of them said walk without fear.


93% of all homicide committed against women are by men.

Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct.


Under the gaze of secular science

(They think they’re geniuses)

They were conditioned to love prostitution and porn as children

The divorce rate is over 85%

They hate us

Math is stupid

I don’t want electricity

(Not at the expense of every woman’s mental health)

1 in 3 women experience assault from man (and it’s never just one man or experience)

1 in 5 men have an STD

They can give you cancer with their dick

Their cum can literally kill you

And you wanna legalize prostitution and already have in Nevada and online

Gonna spread them parasites everywhere

They don’t even test both parties in prostitution (John’s aren’t tested)

Massage parlors have prostitutes

I’m sick of fighting a war I can’t win

I once liked smoking weed and now I don’t and can’t quit (am actively trying)

Will definitely be experiencing mood swings, sweating, insomnia, for a good two weeks minimum (I’ve been researching)

Men get an entire tribe to help them quit

It seems those who were born into class are the only ones fairing well (mostly)

There’s like 30% single never married folk educated but left behind

But the crims get government bonds for their employers to hire them

They kill women and get ahead

I’m kinda pissed

I’d like to see less people deleting their blogs

Let me know where the new blogging community is going

WordPress pushed their product onto the academic platform – and students learn to blog through education (I wasn’t even allowed a phone in school or the military on job)

I wasn’t allowed a life growing up and I’m not allowed one now thanks to gentrification and narcissism

I’m exhausted

I know you’re struggling

To find your humanity

You’re a drowning man taking me down

You didn’t want to be a worker bee

Getting kicked out during winter while the Queen stays in the hive – that you likely made her

You mutilated her bond

She called crying

Now you can murder her by accident and get 4 years

And you have the audacity to ask me, “what’s the matter honey, you depressed” and then tell the person you’re speaking with via phone that I’m a “manhater”

Awe boo

I wanna cut yer dick off

You better start behaving on the road…

And please let God know I just want a tiny acre of land – to grow these seeds I’m hoarding

And please tell God I’d like to be less suicidal when I fuck things up

Also, despite all the very bad graphs and divorce rates, I still wanna husband.

A partnership.

I wanna do all the things with him.

Please get over your lifelong prostitute addiction.

I don’t know how to communicate with you over a cellphone, I come from a time before computers.

When you randomly send me dick picks online or phone, you disrespect yourself and my love for you

You never ask, you just do. I get so angry boo

I’m old fashioned and want to be surprised! In the real world!

And I want to date my husband – it’s biology and how she connects to him

It’s not about gifts, it’s about protection and nurturing

When dating for a minimum of three months no sex, it bonds and creates lifelong bongs. She’s able to imprint on him.

When I asked him would he want to date me when I’m better he replied, “I’m not competing”.

Which isn’t at all what I meant.

I never bonded or imprinted with any man at this point, and now I feel a lost cause.

A lost soul.

They want us to lose our faith.

I don’t believe in his God, if that helps anything.

Suicide is the 7th leading cause of death and I’ve been trying to self-terminate since in womb.

By kindergarten, I got in trouble on the playground for tying a piece of string around my neck

They banned me from people or going outdoors for two weeks

But the prisoners get an hour of sun a day you see…

There are more horror stories and scars on my body – proving I’m a coward

I’m more sad the lotion in the bottle gave me sunspots – some aren’t natural now

I’m tired of crying

Or looking in the mirror

I have to go now because tears

Fuck you

I’ve been trying so hard to be good and you getting bonds for being bad

Fuck you

(I can’t work yet but Bookmarked the page)

1. Hire me please. A. I have Veteran preference. B. I come with official referrals. C. You’ll get a 5k bond for hiring me. D. I smile but am disabled so may forget to cross the T or dot the I.

Them: you’re hired

Seriously tho, I’m overqualified for these Taco Bell jobs, but have been out of the market for medical reasons. I’m hoping that maybe one day I can find a job to fit my disability and I’ll be using the career source and library to help fix me up an updated resume – I’d love to jump the hiring lines with “I come with a 5k bond”

I still have hope for my future to not be homeless

I want plan B to not be a gun…

I’d also like to plan for my 50th (instead of dying at age 45 like my sister, I was nearly there)

I’m 44 today… 🙂

I mean currently (my birthday isn’t until August)

If you base it on THIS calendar

This whole timeline is off

In 2018, a big electrical storm hit New Smyrna Beach (give or two a year), in which I drove directly into it, all four windows down, elbow and arm outstretched, 80 miles an hour, the whole jeep lit up, some hot shit touched me, I screamed “fuck” and thought my life was over, while looking in my rearview and arm windows, seeing tons of bands of lightning outstretched on the pavement, I jumped into this timeline here

My arm burned for days and I blogged about not having any iodine

Kinda got touched by God

I smelled the rain prior and knew a storm was coming but opted to have my windows down

There was no rain, only lightning, the thunder was so loud

I got pushed off a 50 foot bridge once, I’m not sure how I’m even alive

I felt more human feeding that squirrel than I have in some time

I could feel my heart repairing

Somehow, feeding Squirrel connects me to my purpose

The way Squirrel looks at me

Gonna toss him/her some pistachio soon

Yesterday, pumpkin/sunflower/peanut treats.

The way he looked at me

I need husband

He will need to “date me” (not compete) in order to make the mechanics and functions of a man/woman work (AKA imprinting)

(I’m probably some sort of organic AI)


(Not the artificial fake shit)

They want you to believe computers have feelings so you feel less guilt when you fall in love with a robot and not a human)

Awe what’s the matter boo, lost yer soul?

5 responses to “Grief changes you”

  1. I never understood why men get less time than women. I think it might be the whole jury of your peers thing, and people demonizing women over men.


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