Lost Cause

I’ve been looking for you in places I should not
Returning in case I forgot
Searching clues in decay
It’s a long shot

Still clouds are thought
Love sweet like apricot
A burning sunray
I’m the mascot

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Free speech below (and in traffic)

Hi, my name is Delia and I’m homicidal/suicidal.

Maybe I’m reaching my breaking point.

For instance, yesterday while waiting at a very long stop light on beach street, this immigrant was walking around half-dressed with a baby stroller, he crossed the crosswalk and I yelled “pedophile” (because I’m calling every man I see this now apparently – but especially him) and he looked back, so I yelled louder.

The light still wouldn’t change.

I noticed the car beside me also had their window down/cracked

I was like, “He shouldn’t be alone with a baby” and she laughed and cried, “I know”

I stated, “I don’t normally do that but no man should be alone with a baby” in which she responds again with “I know” and mentions how he was dressed

(It’s summer but every man acts as if they own the world, women are fed up yeeeee)

We got to continue our back-and-forth manhating for at least another 30 seconds or more until the light finally turned and I reluctantly said I had to go

There was a cop ahead at the oncoming light but I still had thoughts of “gasing” my vehicle or honking him rudely as he passed

I behaved but then the body screamed PEDOPHILE and he acknowledged and the car next to me concurred (more than once)

I gotta get out of this city, this town, these people, these policies

I continue to assess my “mental health”, and stay in the now, the cars read ROUGE

I wholeheartedly agree, it’s time

5 monster men just kidnapped an older lady, FBI put out a reward, she’s dead

The news have not reported this, it’s just something I feel

The same way I knew my sister was dead before she died

And all it took was a text from my half-sister, “she’s in the hospital with COVID” and I replied “she’s gonna die”

I didn’t go say goodbye

She died

I had a big ole blood clot and blown left lung – from the deathcare system, and was heading no where near a hospital and never will again

I would get arrested, keep me the fuck away from that god damn Satan house


And stop casting spells on me, they only empower me more

The mirrors are nearly gone, I potentially found a owner for the pair I got

MARK BURGESS is swine and the curse will unfold in time

The Last One of Us is not just a game

I’ve not played it – but according to research, “the elites were plagued with parasites” and there’s a super fungas strain plaguing California (where MB hangs)


The CDC are blaming “the wind”

Yeah sure and he’s an immigrant from the UK

Well, I’ve no idea his green card status or his whereabouts or whatifs

I dream of justice, real justice

Swift and remorseless

It’s not a sin

Eye for eye

My heart is feeling good enough to kickbox a face or two

Encouraging seeing big boy swim in hurricane swells — I’m learning to tame my own demons – albeit not well

Because I wound up at the park – letting every man know he was either a pedophile in love with a prostitute or “another motherfucker who thinks he owns the world”

One looked up and I instructed him to call the cops cuz it’s the only time I ever “feel anything”

No cops came.


Too tiny. Gonna get shot or kidnapped (I’ll rip your hand and dick off)


I might finally be getting to see the lung doctor – after nearly blowing my lung out April 2021

Some boy I don’t really know but had a dream about when I was like 8 and he was perhaps still growing in-womb (not mine, eww) – saved my life – kinda

Because he was “kinda there” with his own selfish needs but was apparently everything I needed in moment, because he dumped loads of chemicals into me, which maybe kept my heart from stopping

I was in so much pain

My heart was having mini pre heartquakes – like heart attack – would actually need medical help if my electrical output continued leaning in that way

I literally could not breathe (and have developed new ways of coping as I have a heart condition now)

Furthermore, they may not tell you this per say, but those with heart inflammation are at risk for Adult Sudden Death Syndrome, and so I’m not out of the woods yet, as I can’t do anything that causes elevation spikes in my heart (adrenaline rushes, or even stress/anger) though I can rebound now on my gravity fitness trainer, and mine is made with special straps, not bungee cords, and I finally found more made in those style and hope to upgrade soon

I’m quite bonded with my squeaky trainer and was gonna use it til it had no life left

My body is ready for a new trainer – a tighter pad – maybe smaller too (I think mine is 36 inch)

Men: “women haven’t contributed anything to society and are only good for childbearing or serving me”

Me: I don’t want your fucking electricity

And I’m nearly tired of the $100 oil changes

$5 oil change, 10 minutes

I argued about inflation and maths and economics in college

I knew globalization was bullshite

I wasn’t for it but the would sell the propaganda and the kids ate it up

Evolution theory is bullshit

I’ve been reading books on quantum physics – Cox and his clocks, y’all are delusional pedophile nihilist and NASA is a fraud – stop taxing me

Neil Armstrong never spoke to anyone from the moon, it was recorded on earth, they had no communication towers according to NASA, the moon landing’s were rehearsed, with a fucking Hollywood director, wake fucking up

Women please especially – now before I wind up a statistical

93% of all murders happen by men (their punishment getting lighter while ours gets worse)!!!!

We’re in a 6th mass extinction!

That’s why 500 whales washed ashore, the bombs they keep setting off in our oceans!!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!!! Science is fun!!!!!!!!

Imperialism. Imagine unplugging from the great machine as a Soldier, I’ve come undone!!!!

And now they wanna lock us up for destroying us with malicious intent and purpose!!!

Some vet just murdered his 3 young children – took everything from his ex wife – who left him a key to her home – he shot his children sleeping in their bed

You’re all monsters!!!

They’re selling dicks at the mall in front of children!!!! And online at Walmart in the health and wellness!!! Why you shopping there? Everything is cancer!!!! Read the labels!!!!

We go to war with our neighbors and then let them come live here!!!!! They hate us!!!!!! CMON!!!

White slavery! The Great Replacement theory is real!!! I’m part of the 244!!!

Do you know who I am pedo!!!!!

God is very real and gracious and angry!!!!!!

Mother earth deserves more!!!!

I hate it here!!!! This civilization you claim you created because women are useless!

Fuck you! You wouldn’t be here without us!!!!!

You’re pissed about it!!!

The Developer!!!! Ha ha charade you are!!!

The Great Filter is real! It’s you!!!!!!

I can smell your stench like Agent Smith!!!!

I don’t trust a Chinaman in my country or a white boy or BLM or Latino lives matter – took all our jobs!!!!!!

I’d love to get back to an ethical job but none exists!

Stop asking for my email or digital identity!!!

I’ve sold my TV, the propaganda machine!

And tho my expensive Apple devices aren’t very old, they’ve forced us outdated, I’m not buying again

I don’t love you!!!! Or your society!!!

WordPress sold out!!! It’s all daily prompt in the feed!

I got rid of everything I own!!!!

I’m ready to dawn a robe!!!!

I don’t know how I’m reaching out to you with a brain, heart, lung injury – plus a curse

But alas miracles!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry for my weird behavior – it’s just the Matrix is broken, I’m gonna keep not complying!!!!!!

Morrison wanted to fuck/kill his parents and ghosted them

Father Jim

I sold all my vinyl

I tossed out things that I thought had monetary value in the bin

Many I donated or gave away

Some I sold for a quarter knowing I paid extra for the bonus disc and features, but in the end, it’s worth was obsolete

I’m not jumping from platform to platform for the developers who have yellow fever and think they are gods

Fuck social media – it destroyed the fabric of eveything

Our economy

And porn and its filthy consumers

This boy of young teenage age was staring at me in a sexual way, I snarled my lip

In an alternate universe, there is a sinister version of me, cutting of dicks, and leaving little smily faces on the walls – cuz no one has discovered my identity


So… if I dream of casting spells on someone who entered my life – then let me hang a horseshoe from my door

The same these scientists don’t believe in God but do a blackhole

It is increasingly hard to listen to the dribble of super religious freaks, knowing many are atheists themselves but push it on us anyway

Do this, do that!!!

I don’t really believe Asia was/is the most advanced species anymore

They are our number one threat and should fear the bery ground they walk on here

Here a demon, there a demon, I’m gonna expose you

I hope I settle down soon, the new carpet arrives Tuesday

I’m still focused on healing, spiritually, mentally, physically, financially (they did steal thousands of my retirement during the pandemic while I was disassociating, FYI)

I lost at least half

But those who took it were traveling to exotic locations during the pandemic – buying luxury phones and cars – with my retirement money


*insert slang*

But then, they cry “Asian hate”

It’s burns a bit deeper than that

I don’t think hate describes what is growing in me

No one ever says they wanna be an elite serial something when they grow up

People who write things like, “those who say they don’t like money but go work an 8 hour job” don’t consider that being homeless is an actual crime

Born into money, never struggled a day in their life

Don’t know hardship

Gotta incite riots to feel anything

Dead inside

Weak spirits

Lost souls

Dead man drowning

Perhaps I the same

I like feeling and seeing the sun rise and fall everyday

I appreciate how happy the wildlife are when I feed em

They tell us not to feed the wildlife but then capture and enslave these intelligent beautiful creatures for our entertainment and sell their teeth for luck

Parasites – narcissism is a plague


That’s all they are

And all me and the white girl can do is laugh about the insanity of it all

I can’t keep yelling and screaming pedophile, I’ll wind up in a swamp or freezer

That’s already a fear because they follow me out of places I shop, they stalk me, because I’m cute to them

I wish my ear would stop ringing

Need out the city


The crime is so bad where I live

And it’s being gentrified, just like WP

The CEO has yellow fever

P.S. you never needed to block me cuz you never added my number (I hate you)

(It wasn’t even your main two lines)

Last in, first out


I’ve met a lot of boys but none looked like the boy I dreamed about nor do any make my heart/brain/pp do what you make it do

Don’t make me delete my blog

Some lines I’m too afraid to cross – but do so erratically

She took the house and kids – probably cuz he was bad – but loved him and let him keep a key – probably to see the kids anytime he wanted – so he took everything from her – killed the kids and himself

But go ahead and blame gun laws and everything but what is to blame…

Keep puffing on my house motherfucker…

It ain’t even my house and I’m paying more than a mortgage – another problem man made

32 responses to “Lost Cause”

  1. You sound so much like me, most of my work is from my experience as a street junkie in Cali, any of my early stuff sounds like this. I do some of the dark stuff still too, you just made me feel way better about it. You are not a lost cause, there are many like you who speak the same way. I met them in recovery meetings, they are slowly becoming people I talk to in the annoying outside.


  2. Me too actually, yesterday I had a break down at a meeting, and was sitting there rocking back and forth, you saved me from talking to the ghost in my basement all night.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The thing I am learning is honesty without the hating yourself part, you get kinder with time. Resentment comes from holding stuff in. They say that gradually you grow by being able to take a step back before snapping, it seems to be slowly working on me. The archives of my site, show me thinking I was an incarnation of the devil, which I no longer think.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s also been helping me – I want my blog to be a safe space for all – even when I’m shouting about all we’ve done


  5. I had this picture from Cali where it literally look like I had him in my eyes, I was on speed though. So it might just have been the speed, meth is them re-arranged.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think the key is to always come back to your senses and not stay in distilled chaos. I stayed in distilled chaos for 18 years, if you count on and off time. I am 35 and I started using/drinking at 18.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. They can inhabit us during fear or rage or sleepy timez – or through the television propaganda, porn, religion

    We’re born in theta mode – so we have to essentially rebuild our brain computer and train it to like what we really want (and not what they tell us – through advertising and programming)


  8. I hate porn. I have always hated porn. People hate on me for it a lot in real life. They say that I hate sex because I hate porn. I hate male dominated sex or porn.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s all graphic violence against common women but then they are trained to respect the prostitutes and according to the latest studies over 51% want love with a prostitute.

    Meanwhile, 75% of prostitutes are unhappy and would never love their johns (gaslighting 101) and many say they were sexually abused or forced into the lifestyle

    There is also direct correlation between trafficking and prostitution

    Porn and Christianity spread pedophilla – so does HollyWood and advertising “baby soft skin” and we shave everything

    Men were conditioned as children to support the women and children sex slavery industry.

    The government makes money from porn. I dug deep.

    And most porn is made in California

    Nevada has made prostitution legal (but men can never get enough and are never taught how to control their urges)

    Prostitution doesn’t stop rape or crime – it creates more


  10. I started drinking and smoking around age 12 and 13 – off and on

    Terrible habits to disassociate from men and their environment that they built that women didn’t contribute to

    And quite frankly don’t wanna anymore


  11. I used to drink to sleep with men. I am girl originally, and am identify as Damien, I think I mentioned that already, but I like throwing myself under buses, so I figured I would do it twice. He was my split personality, but really me. There is an Ed Norton movie about something like that. I am not a bad person though, just a drug addict who used Damien as a way to vanquish my enemies through making men feel inferior to me, I like gay women.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. The writing I did about Cali was all me slaying misery demons, all metaphorical, I am a big strong person stuff, where I get to pretend to be a straw man villian or where I slay villians.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I think most women use some form of drug to sleep with men

    Even the prostitutes take on an alter identity dealing with these monsters


  14. Yes! They can’t stand that we can have children! All they care about is their manmade creations! AI! Cats/dogs! Labs labs labs! Frankensteins


  15. Hey, I have a funny story for you, way better than porn. We have this guy who comes and drops off wood for our wood burning stove. He is the most aggressive wood delivery man ever, he just drops off big loads whenever he wants. Pun intended. That is my metaphor for what porn industry is.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. My mother was just ranting about this. Don’t get me wrong, I love everyone, I like chaos, so I like some men too, but I like the ones who aren’t ***holes, like the one I am online and in real life slowly.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. My only experience of Tenesssee was getting out the car with my ex, who I can’t say the name of online, because she told me not too, she is trans too, and having some trucker say ‘Hey, baby you’re the only ten I see,”


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