Clouds

Where am I to go when your words are a maze
They lead to heaven and purgatory
Why do you leave pieces of your heart like breadcrumbs for me to find
Did you mean to hold me in contempt
The way starlight holds in my love for you
I die over and over here
What do you do with the pieces that break off me while carrying you
A casualty of two
You say you want me gone but won’t let me leave
I’ve climbed every inch of these walls
Blood holds them up now
Coagulated and full of tears
I almost saw the sun disappear forever
But now confusion fills these halls
I would die a thousand ways for you
And have
Sometimes my clouds block the view
Oh, and I’m calling too
“Over here, over here, see”
But too many clouds wouldn’t let you do
You stay so far from reach like the moon
Getting close, getting closer, gone
We live in the same galaxy
But my escape velocity is you
I nearly escaped but like an eclipse you appeared
I can hear the trumpets bellow
Or maybe my heart pounding under the mass of you
Waking me from the nightmares you haunt
I scream and hear endless echoes
“Please just let me die”
And die I do only to be born again crying
“Please just let me die”
I don’t know what’s dream or reality anymore
But can hell be any more real than now?
You stripped me of my wings
You plucked me of my feathers
You tell me I’m no good
You say I’m broken anyhow
Then kick me while I’m down
You grab me by the throat
Drag me up with your claws in my vein
You say I stench of love
And spit in my face
You scold me and tell me there’s nothing to love here
So I believe you and stop loving myself
Please just let me die…

© Delia Ross. 2020

I would follow you unto the ends of hell and do, but I can turn around too.

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