I used 1 hashtag only, it was a TRIGGER WARNING hashtag cuz I assumed the algorithm would keep it sitting at zero views
I turned commenting off because it wasn’t up for debate
It was an early morning rant
It was casual content, not necessarily anything viral worthy
And I was prepared for the video to tank
Instead it’s had over 350 likes, 7 saves, 1 share, and over 1900 plays 👀
It’s also brought me in a ton of new followers, like a ton.
And now my overall like tally is sitting at 29,600. Insane.
I think you’re allowed to accept gifts and tips at 10,000 followers (I could be wrong)
TikTok pay out how they want per TOS
So it’s a biased platform and they keep most of the profits and reward unethically
It’s still cool
I’m happy I still have enough followers to go live
My brand new microphone is still sitting packed up in a box, I have several new cosplay outfits I never got to use (bloody theatrical makeup too), and I haven’t been able to do much cardio since getting the death jab, I’ve been fighting for my life
I’m currently initializing my PS4 because I intend to sell it at the pawnshop, along with accessories and games (unless I get back on eBay which is also a plan)
Gaming isn’t what it used to be, the content isn’t worth the price, the community sucks
I’m taking back my life and time (I rarely play or watch TV)
And at my own speed
I don’t want to die on the street like Edgar Allan Poe
I started 2 new bottles of detox to my routine
Supports a healthy gut – doesn’t have any bad shit in it, has Probiotics, is time-released, I’m on dose 2
The other new bottle is Turmeric and Ginger, also no bad stuffs.
But also ordered 2 more bottles of Black Walnut & Wormwood because it will kill cancer and is clearing out the mucus
I’ve got out most of the bad shit that was making me stank
I’m not gonna lie, I was having die off symptoms where my under arms were smelling like sulfur
I’m getting to the point where I don’t even need to wear deodorant anymore
But also deodorant causes cancer and hormonal imbalances
If you stink you need to detox your gut
Other countries deworm annually
America is a FOR SICK PROFIT CAMPAIGN RUN BY THE MAFIA (China/Russia/Mexico)- BIG PHARMA (India), THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU
I also restocked my nut supply
2 1/2 pounds of heart healing goodness
I thought long and hard about not ordering chicken this month for groceries
Even considered getting some of those vegan chicken patties and burgers
Naw
I’m eating clean
Eggs. Chicken. Turkey. Less dairy. Lots of Beans. Nuts. Water. Minimal fruit, I don’t want the sugar while detoxing
I also cold quit drinking soda and eating fast food, chips, and junk food several months ago
I uninstalled the chipotle app and emailed them and told them to delete my data
FUCK THIS ESTABLISHMENT
I support real farmers
I want some chickens of my own to care for and pull guard duty
For the fresh daily eggs
I got the insomnia anyway
I’m a soldier so I know how to reside around many people with different cultures backgrounds and diets and it’s probably why I am a flexitarian
I’m not a big meat eater, never have been
But I’m anxious to start my rebounding journey again
My booty has a little wiggle to it now but I’m happy to still be alive
My lungs are improving but I do still have difficulty drawing breath and my heart has trouble circulating
I no longer feel blood clots throughout my body or trying to push through my arteries and veins
Rebounding is resistance training – which is exactly what someone in my age group should focus on – strength training
Rebounding includes cardio tho so I gotta be careful
It’s summer though and the bike rides are imminent
I’m over 400 years old and people are calling me old 🙄
MY BLOODLINE COMES FROM ANCIENT GODS
I have one of the oldest and rarest blood-types
I’ve had a number of things trying to kill me lately left and right
The more they try to alter my DNA and control me, the less control they have
THE GREAT ANOMALY
Perhaps we’re all born with Great Filters of our own
They use fearmongering to rule
It’s like a negative energy wave rolling through
Those who don’t hang on get yeeted out of life, or left homeless
I saw the bad things happening when I was working for the Department of Defense and the policies continued to get changed which was affecting my military career
Then came the Government furloughs and hiring freezes
The immigrants are sitting like kings on thrones
But are delusional and don’t understand why no one wants to work for low wages and in toxic environments
I’d fucking quit if a job made me use Zoom or FaceBook on the job
If the entire system collapses I still have my skill sets to fall back on and that will go a long way in a community when the lights are out
I might need some help climbing a fence or a wall but that’s never stopped my comrades from helping me get over it
I know I’ve been cutting a lot of people out of my life but it’s because I’m trying to develop into the person I want to become
Holistic approach – cleansing the mind, body, and soul
I gave you keys to my trust and you broke it when I was vulnerable Barging into the night a maniac drunken on furor All around you the ground dishonor You’ve been AWOL in spirit and now demand rescue Your only form of payment sabotage
You’ve pissed all over my door And even now the stench is more than I can handle Full throttle now as I drop my stern There are bodies collecting under the hull
My regrets are tiny fractions compared to your sin’s shadow And every moment now it is growing taller: see what you’ve done Your bridge is so far burned that galaxies are splitting dimensions
I sat in the dark void dying How the ocean crushes you the deeper you fall God was the only one who heard my crying Even now, my heart beats differently
He makes me feel 1000 years old 👎👎
You should have left it fantasy. Or, at the very least, not reduced me to a working free whore.
I don’t need anyone or anything devaluing my life.
Therapy is a lot work, you’re a train wreck.
You act a child as if a prize.
You’re gonna get blocked.
Even better, a restraining order.
I had a little fun with you behind closed doors, attempting to role-play, but your intentions are clearly sinister.
I never asked you to divulge who you were, or personal details of your life, mixing fantasy with real life.
And having the audacity to treat me like trash during the worst time of my life. 👍
Yeah cool but we’re done.
You can fuck off now.
I want to work on building healthy relationships with normal human beings.
I am in intense therapy to change my bad habits and thoughts.
I don’t owe you a fucking thing.
I don’t have to tell you to never call me again because I’ll change my fucking number and address.
I’ll never make the mistake of having fun behind closed doors either.
I am not a sex worker nor have I ever taken or sent photos of me performing sex acts.
I have done nude modeling in the past, I’m not ashamed.
I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TACKY WITH ANYONE.
You’re a disgusting individual.
Stay away from me.
I don’t need you coming into my inbox treating me like a sex object and I know you keep all your favorite porn stars number one – so get the fuck out of my life
I’m a GOOD GIRL
I’ve just fallen on some hard times and unfortunately bad people take advantage of that.
You’re two different people.
I wouldn’t even give a fuck if you knew how to treat me with an ounce of dignity and respect but you don’t even know how to treat yourself that way.
I don’t wish any harm of you.
I’m just not gonna waste my time praying you will get better.
You’re sinking my ship.
Don’t make me cut you off.
You’re crossing lines you cannot return from.
I CANNOT RETURN FROM THE DEPTHS YOU ARE PUSHING ME.
Stop telling people to be happy no matter what happens to them
I GUESS I SHOULD BE HAPPY MY FATHER SEXUALLY MOLESTED ME
MAYBE I SHOULD INVITE HIM OVER FOR DINNER
MAYBE WE CAN START FUCKING AGAIN
🖕
CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT WORTHY OF BEING HAPPY IN
OTHERWISE SHUT THE FUCK UP
THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS FOR THEIR SINS
GOD WOULD EAT DINNER WITH ME
GOD GIVES ME LIFE
YOU DON’T DECIDE MY WORTH
YOU DON’T GET TO DESTROY ME OVER AND OVER AND THEN CONDITION ME TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT
GET OUT OF YOUR BUBBLE
I WILL DESTROY IT
POP POP
Like a needle in a haystack – I won’t look back
Give me a game of dominoes and shot of cognac
WHERE MY BROTHERS AT?
I just need to get back to soldiering and like go on a ruck march but I can barely fucking get my house together and I’m not dropping dead from this jab
No fuck that – I’m filing for state disability and these motherfuckers are gonna pay me for killing me
I HAVE A PERMANENT HEART CONDITION AND CURRENTLY BROKEN IMMUNE SYSTEM AND THESE MOTHERFUCKERS CATCHING COVID LEFT AND RIGHT
As far as I’m concerned I’m age 5 and everyone has fucking cooties and I’m gonna wash my hands and I’m going to social distance – which means you need to keep at least 6 feet from me and I’m going to fucking wear my mask
I’ve yelled at cops for getting too close to me 👀
I DON’T FUCK ABOUT 🤨
I nearly blew out my left lung and my heart swelled up 3 sizes
In fact, one chamber closed off and another enlarged
I CAN BARELY TOLERATE THE FLORIDA WEATHER ✋🛑✋
I’m HOUSEBOUND
DEAL WITH IT
QUARANTINED
For the foreseeable future
Until my health improves
Which it has been because I am able to venture out to the park and the beach occasionally or even to the grocery store which is normally hard to do and Walmart just gave me an extra two free weeks for the Walmart + membership trial so I’ll be using it one more time for the free shipping and delivery. It’s better than attempting to shop myself. I’ve had to cut shopping short several times due to my health. Same with trips to the park or beach.
LIFE ISN’T ROSES OUT HERE, IT’S THORNS
Actually, there may be a bloom or two and that’s why I’m still going
If it looks like a dragon fruit though I’ll starve because there’s some fruit I just won’t touch, same with animals
Yeah no…
Hungry but pass
The wildlife are getting a treat – they deserve to eat more than me
And he fucks children and gets pissed at me for eating chicken 🐓
Typical hypocritical super Christian
Personally, they should be put down like an animal that has a taste for human blood🩸
Eye for an eye
LET ME EXACT MY JUSTICE ON MY PARENTS AND THEN MAYBE I WILL BE HAPPY
JUST KNOWING THEY AREN’T BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS ME, FOR STARTERS
CLOSURE FOR HEALING
THERE’S A CONCEPT
MAYBE STOP HURTING YOUR CHILDREN SO WE CAN BE HEALTHY HAPPY ADULTS
Instead, FOREVER THERAPY!!!! YAY!!! 🥳
With the ever stopping rental increases, the noise pollution, the forming cults left and right, my never ending awakening into hell, the regret of being upside down in a cave, letting others convince me it’s the path I should take, DYING ALONE ALIVE AND YOUNG
Not knowing when the end is coming but just knowing currently my body is not in anaphylactic shock
EVERY BREATH HURTS AND I’M FIGHTING FOR A LIFE THAT WANTS TO JUMP FROM A BRIDGE
That’s all…
I’m okay 👍
I’m dying where I want – if I can just sit still
THE LIONS DEN
Also, I’m in therapy and detoxing because I want to be a valuable human
So far it’s minimal
YES THERE ARE MILESTONES
It’s the falls off the cliffs and getting stuck in caves proving to be the biggest dangers ⚠️
Dying on the street from madness (there)
Or worse, an immigrant or narcissist who doesn’t understand boundaries invading your space
I BITE
KEEP BACK ☠️
I’m not just gonna stand out in the open while you gut me and pistol fuck me in the face
I’m always cleaning but the house is never clean He explained his reason but I don’t know what it means I keep on dusting but there’s dust thick on the screen I read his poetry and consume it like proteins 👀
I call to him Through wind and pen And like the Tower of Babel He’s comes crumbling
I’m not allowed to communicate with him in any form So the moon grows full And the earth will storm
I don’t cast stones I throw grenades I check for backbones But not here to save
I’m not Jesus Ask not of forgiveness Got light of Venus But I’m not Jesus
Look at him all mighty Judging from his throne Only wants the children He can do no wrong
He never shows me love, just judgment With him, I’ll never reach the summit
I don’t want to talk to him about the Holy Spirit He ain’t anywhere near it
I still talk to him Through ink and pen Through thick and thin There and hell herein
How do you go from creator to singularity So sparingly?
My brain is an artifact Don’t have a heart attack
I follow The voices in your head Every murky shadow Leaking trails of thick red I’ve met the dead Down in the Bayou Your sins are widespread Walking on gravestone I hear the cries where the wind blows I hear your echoes on the radio
His smile is an ice-shelf breaking free
Put up a plaque for my humiliation What’s the will of a freemason?
We need to watch our agreements Human not demon Give God a good reason
Gonna start using the gym where I live. In an attempt to work on my booty gains. But I’m still dying and cannot go hard.
People are dropping dead by what I have.
10,000 steps and gone.
I think it might be a better solution than bike riding since I almost got murdered twice in a week but I will not be giving up my riding because I need to listen to the birds and get the fresh air where I feel free.
Not secure. But it helps me remember what I’m fighting for. Why I’m fighting for humanity, including my own.
And I’m currently in my own personal hell.
My spirit has been broken and I am only a fragment of what I could be.
His poetry, that is absolutely 1000% not about me (?), gives me glimpses of who I am.
Or want to be.
There really is no difference. I live in his mind. He’s my sanctuary.
I hope it’s his arms I get to crawl into and die, even if a word is never said.
I want him to be my final avenue and I want him to lay me to rest.
No other.
He must hide my body from the establishment. Give me back to earth. 👀
Not prematurely. I’m still putting up the good fight to live but that’s not where my thoughts are.
I’m still red flagged at the VA for being suicidal. The very very bad kind.
One slip up and I’m off to the funny farm via the pigs against my will.
And I’m a Soldier, not a rich boy, we eat mystery meat.
And I’ve always identified as Native American and I want to find my tribe and get out there and hunt and slay a buffalo, so get off my dick
Still detoxing. My fuel tank light is on. I’m out of water. I’m on a 5 day undetox and then I’m starting bottle 2 & hitting it hard with the largest doses 3 times a day.
Broke in more ways than one. So God gave me a free year of shopping.
Which is cool, because I’m on a waitlist to get moved, even though I can’t afford any boxes currently.
“But the vax will keep you from being hospitalized” says my still living sister who is triple vaccinated and boosted and has had COVID a few times now and “is fine”
My life expectancy went from 60 some years to 2-5 years because the vaccine gave me heart inflammation
I’m lucky to be alive
I still feel electrical charges go off randomly, it hurts, it’s not as deep or painful, I think my heart is welding itself better and I’m gonna keep giving it nuts and water and beans and not modified foods
The modified foods have been designed to assist in the blood clots which formed in my body
I had a big sucker moving around, especially after shot number 2
My EKG, my ultrasound, and another test showed my heart to be severely damaged, and my left lung not fully inflating
And then that other thing I was battling decided to take Center front stage because my immune system was compromised from the vaccine
I’ve been staying away from the Publix bakery 😑
In fact, there isn’t much remaining in the grocery store that I can buy because it if it has an ingredient that I don’t recognize, it’s poison
If it’s modified corn starch or modified anything, it’s poison
If it’s white sugar, poison
And I realize there’s nothing for you to feed your children but if you keep buying them all that pretty stuff, it’s poison
Poison poison poison
This is an extermination
I have been avoiding fast food for as best as I can
Sticking mostly to the good nuts, no soda, beans, sweet and red potatoes, wild blueberries, beets, sunshine, minimal negative foods and thinking, lots of water (squared)
Replace “nothing fun” with “nothing poison”
Nothing to mix with the vaccines to give me blood clots
One heart chamber closed off and the other enlarged
That’s how big my will is to love you and not die
Every moment my mind covered in you
But having me go to this hospital in that hospital in this clinic and that clinic and finally I was like “no, I’m not going to get a stupid stress test on my heart, I’m going on bedrest permanently” and staying away from y’all and I’ve pretty much gone no contact from VA…
I was having mini pre-heart attacks every fucking day and in the most pain I’ve ever been in and they want to stress my heart out to see “what was going on”, are you fucking stupid? It’s the fucking vaccines, that’s what’s going on, the first vaccine caused my heart to have blood pressure issues, my BP DROPPED
I was dying
That’s why my body felt cold
That’s why I could sit in hot water for 10 minutes and touch my skin and still feel dead
I knew some shit was off
But then three weeks later I went in for shot number two even though I didn’t want to get it and I kept asking over and over again “are you sure I should go through with the second dose because my blood pressure dropped on the first one” and not one doctor or nurse looked through my EKG results to give them to me
Which the VA failed to mail me, nor my doctor call to give me the results, until after having issues after the second vaccine
“What, you mean you’re still not dead”
“Well I don’t like how your heart looks for your age”
*proceeds to order me a bunch of testing and thangs which made me worse*
I don’t know if the nebulizer helped me or was my fucking demise there for that moment of doom
But when I got to the worst stage of where I was at because she took me off my fucking medication without my permission, they denied seeing me at the VA after I got worse, and told me to go to the ER, that’s when I took matters into my own hands and saved my own life and here we are
Might have only bought me 28 hours, 28 months later, 2-5 years
But if I were to go out there and get boosted, my life expectancy is likely zero
My Asian doctor at the VA is pushing for me to get boosted, but I haven’t even recovered from heart inflammation 👎👎
I went no contact from my sister who is still alive because she’s so plugged into the system and a sheep and I’m gonna wind up like my dead 45-year-old sister if I hang around them
Nobody in my family has even acknowledged that I have heart inflammation, nobody has left me a basket of soup at my door, nobody has sent me a card or a letter
Everybody keeps telling me I need to get boosted and to stop wearing my mask
I keep telling people that I’m unreachable and to fuck off
I’m wearing my mask 😷
I was only up all night freaking out because I was in a crowd of people at the beach yesterday unmasked
And so I won’t be doing that again for awhile
Now I really appreciated receiving snowcones and all sorts of other little live gifts, but I’m not dying for views
Also, Bob Saget did not die from a head wound
He had heart complications following the vaccine but he was sacrificed to the dark entity and these monsters are getting away with murder
“The insurance will cover it” as if karma and God don’t exist
You have choice on good or bad
It’s basically the trolley problem
It’s basically an active or passive choice
C-3PO does not have a soul and therefore will see a thief that steals from the company a better bargain than the other employee who loses more money making mistakes
The establishment only care about their monetary gains
I want to build my own great wall from China
How bout dem apples
It’s true I ignored all the red flags and walked into this cave on my own
I’m sure at some point John was screaming at the fact that where he was at wasn’t on his map
“But some details happened down there that will never be disclosed…” Michael Leavitt
Oh yeah? Like what? The fact that you sacrificed him and got away with murder?
I want to do very bad things to him
Eye for an eye
Anyhoo
You should probably stay away from modified junk food (the french fries served at McDonald’s aren’t served anywhere else because of the chemicals they put in it which causes cancer, so the french fries served in America aren’t the same french fries served in France, keep that in mind next time you go purchase those expensive fries, there’s a cost)
And they had the audacity to raise the price on their french fries 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Stop feeding the rich
Stop feeding yourself, your family, and your children poison
I wish it was opium, but it’s not, it’s probably giving you IBS from what I’m hearing out there with so many people having GI issues
Get rid of your doctor, big pharma, and your diet
I promise the addiction fog will start to lift and it will be easier to make your food choices
Harder though because there isn’t much left to buy that the FDA hasn’t allowed them to add additional poison
We’ve got to stop letting anybody come over here and vote
Biden is letting any and all through
Democrats make up mostly immigrants and the children of immigrants (not opinion)
Please, I need you to vote this time if you didn’t last time
And please, for the love of humanity, VOTE BIDEN OUT
Hollywood is running the White House, it’s very clear
NASA stated we don’t have the technology to get back to the moon and that they lost it
You believe we deserve all this inflation so Eon can get to Mars when we’ve never seen anyone on the Moon with advanced technology
We barely had cell phones in the 60s and I’m supposed to believe that we made it to the moon huh
When NASA have stated that the evidence they give us is “artist rendered” and CGI
NASA is Hollywood
Wake up!
It’s ridiculous that pharmaceutical advertising is allowed with our television programming but not in other countries 🚩🚩🚩
I’m tired of the establishment creating fight or flight mode 24/7 and keeping us in a state of pandemic
I think we had supercomputers a long long time ago
We’ve been living through a dark age because of said shit happening again
What’s the point in putting in a president every 4 to 8 years when the same 13 families in charge have been running things for 2000+ years with gaslighting and indoctrination
I don’t wanna die by suicide because the Democrats take my benefits and I become homeless again
I don’t want to be sacrificed to the dark entity
I just want to stay in the light and his love 😩
His love is the bestest drug
The best of the bested
I didn’t even know bested was a word but here we go…
Still learning thangs
And because I have a brain injury sometimes you have to relearn over and over again 🤪
Still recovering from the heart inflammation 👍
Listen to what your body needs
Stop letting others steal your energy
You’re made of light
Neurons firing 24/7
You need to give your body the good fuel
Laughter, poetry, love
Good deeds
Positive thinking and affirmation
Keep climbing!
You’re on a spiritual journey
As long as you are breathing, you are still in the game
It’s not too late to change your game
I love you 💕
I fell from the heavens to let you know that God still loves you and I even jumped in the game early
Only 6% of the population have my blood type
I’m not donating my body to science unless they pay me while I’m alive
And the contract becomes null and void if I die prematurely
But I’m going to hide my body in the swamp when I fucking die, you’re not gonna find me, you’re not getting my blood and you’re not gonna fucking clone me and I know that you already are, you’re already doing something because they took all of that shit when I joined the Army and anytime I’ve gone and given them blood at the VA or anytime anytime anytime anything…
There’s probably already more than one version of me that exist which is why I know that things happen before they do
It’s probably why I was pissed off before I was even born and I remember a period of awareness before birth
I wasn’t happy
Probably hated even worse the family I was about to be born under
Got sick of being squished, like how much longer
*bang bang kick kick I want out, let me out*
And basically since the age of about five or 10 I’ve been suicidal and depressed trying to end my life and predicting that I would either die from heart failure or suicide
Suicide is feeling less scary with all the other shit happening around me but but there’s a big but if I die that way
I just feel like God was like, ‘sure, you can go back to train to be a spirit guide under two conditions; you have to train to be a soldier but you can’t actually kill anybody or self-destruct’
Also God: “earth is overrun with demons and gaslit as heaven”
*kicks me outta pearly gates*
Me: “wait, you didn’t tell me that parttttttttttt” 😩
*crash lands*
*gets brain injury*
Yeps, going good so far, got a badbadass heart and brain
You are one of God’s creatures and he wants you to win
You’re here for the experience and stop making it so easy for the devil
You mimic everything he does like breathing
You need sunlight
Babe, get some sun! Remove the VR headset!
Dear Lord,
I really hope I can feel his lips just once before I die
I would have a better chance at climbing Mount Everest than ever getting to feel his kiss, but I lose all hopelessness when I think of this…
I reckon I’m gonna have to bite the WordPress hook and upgrade my personal plan to the premium plan since I’ve used up all my 6GB of storage space 🙄 and just pretend the universe is pushing me to upgrade my plan so I can have more media space to upload photos but also unpack yeti from its box to do soft poetry readings and spoken word
To be fair, I have been dying
But I will also at some point maybe be producing some subscriber only content on my blog/website instead of over on OnlyFans (I don’t do porn or self-gratification, I’m an artist and do nude photography – many say softcore is obsolete, but I’ll be offering it here on my website instead- and if someone could please teach me how to set up subscriptions on WP instead of me having to go figure it out through WordPress that would be great)
I’m already on a plan that allows subscriptions and donations, I’ve just used up all my media space and either need to delete stuff off my website or upgrade and at this point it’s time to upgrade because I’m growing aren’t I? I have over 1000 followers now and nearly 100,000 views!! 👀
So when I’m not dying and can put my head into the WordPress books I will figure out how to do the subscriber only content (this won’t be for every post, just my random spicer content)!
Not everyone wants to see my exclusive Rated R nude content but I’m tired of giving other platforms my visitors – especially when most platforms I have zero voice as an artist
I don’t want to push people to another platform when they come to visit my website
I want you to stay here in heaven with me 😇
GIVE ME ALL YOUR ATTENTION 🤩
I was at urgent care yesterday again so I don’t know how quickly I’ll be able to get stuff going but just know stuff is in the pipeline and I would like to get some more nude content out to you, it will be through my own website though, you won’t have to leave or sign-up anywhere else
I’m indecisive on what I’m doing with my Patreon account but I’ve been very grateful for your support over the years!
Because of it, my website has and remains advertisement free (zero spam)!
If you sign up for my blog posts via email, advertising will never be in your email either! Zero spam!
I may be the last place on earth that’s free of advertising 🤔
But you won’t have to worry about accidentally hitting an advertisement when scrolling or installing spyware or a virus
You can scroll freely without a condom ahem 🤪
I’m dealing with heart and lung issues since I got the vaccine – I’m still a weirdo tho and I miss doing the cosplay for you to accompany the rants, poetry and prose!
I will definitely upgrade my plan soon so I can at least start attaching photographs again to my rants and poetry
It may be the new year before I start any subscription only content!
I may do it via donation instead of subscription (like where you can pay a small fee to unlock the post)…
Stay tuned
Dying but not dead…
PSST… I have a free OnlyFans and will be active there when I’m feeling better – thank you for subscribing! My inbox is open there to say hello! I’ll let everyone know when I’m back and active! I’ll be going live over there to show you the beach and things! Softcore 🤪
I scheduled my email for deletion. I didn’t save anything. Conversations with my dad, the dead, intellectual property, spam, the whole shebang. It’s gone. Decades and decades of conversations. Nothing saved.
I don’t want to remember anything of my life.
Is anyone worried for me? 🤔
Y’all, it’s gonna sound weird but I did a vinegar foot soak, and my breathing improved. My body was going into anaphylactic shock. But there was an advertisement that kept appearing over and over again for a home remedy
And I thought what the fuck
I know I was nearly burned on the stake in the past for witchcraft but…
A witch needs land and apple trees
An apple a day yes
Let them rot
And ferment 👀
Acid is the cure all (well not the cure all cure all but it’s now my number one most loved stench)
The Garden of Eden is full of vinegar on shelves 👀
Don’t judge
I’m not even coughing hardly any more
Welp. I don’t know how many lives I’ve now used but I feel like I’ve got a new body
Compared to “I’m not gonna get out of here am I” 👀
And I wasn’t just going from panic to calm, my body was breaking out in hives and I couldn’t breathe
And the VA were like, “your tests results are all fine”
And I literally left a voicemail screaming at patient advocacy that I was about to fucking die and that I needed a new care team but then I found out that if I got a prescription outside of the VA that the VA would cover it so you know
oh did I tell you I went to church Sunday?
I have energy again
So I’ve been doing vinegar foot soaks for 10 to 15 minutes three times a day now
🎃🎃🎃
Apparently you can drink vinegar as a tonic too so I’m about to be drinking in it, not just bathing in it (and I’m doing facial tonics and even ear swabs)
I find white distilled vinegar works best
I mix it with water
Half and half but you should do stuff based on your own skins tolerance
But don’t ever put vinegar directly on your skin because it’s acid and it will burn so you need to dilute it
Don’t get it in your fucking eyeballs or anything
Apparently you can do a scalp soak and it will cure dandruff 👀
However, it can dry out your hair but I’m gonna be giving it a go! Dip dip!
Just change blood bath to vinegar bath (put 1 to 2 cups in yer bathwater if you want your skin to feel soft as a baby again, soak for 10 – 15 minutes in lukewarm water a few times a week – skin not hair)
I have also learned you can use it as a deodorant and mix it with like lemon water
Seriously, it will kill any kind of foot fungus or order too
Sentinel and witchy
Who knew it was gonna take vinegar for me to breathe again 👀
An apple a day
Still learning the big lessons
Feeling better but I hope it’s not that little burst of energy you get before you die
It took a weird ad about a home remedy foot soak to get me cured
And no, the water did not change a weird funky color
My skin immediately began to improve
And then my breathing
My lungs are clearing up 👀
My heart is feeling anew
I don’t know what to tell you
A fucking weird ad saved my life
And I was reading article after article about black holes and the multiverse at 2 am – it was one of then weird click-bait type ads you see
I didn’t click it or anything
It’s just a bunch of them ads you see following an article when you’re reading comments about something
And I’m not exaggerating about going into anaphylactic shock or the fact that I was actually nearing my mysterious death
Clearly needed a detox
I need to go shopping for the other ingredients to start drinking it so I’ll let you know how the drink goes
Again, if you don’t mix this shit right you can burn yourself
But my body has had nothing but positive response
And until I feel like I’ve expelled the devil, I will continue the routine of vinegar soaks, even if not as frequent
I love how baby soft my skin is again
And the fact that I can breathe again
Without a machine 👀
Edgar Allan Poe and John Jones are my spirit guides
John was a Mormon so they probably used vinegar to clean everything
So my doctor is out for the week and we’ve just had Labor Day holiday but my doctor had left instructions for my nurse who just called me to let me know that my doctor has ordered me a nebulizer and some sprays and medication’s and I have to go in Friday to pick up the Nebulizer machine with meds
The nurse will teach me how to use the machine and once my doctor gets back I will schedule an appointment to see her and find out more about how my Pulmonary visit went with the test results (a letter from my doc was also just mailed to me by the VA)
That lung test I had to breathe into actually hurt me for several days
I reckon I probably should get my heart stress tests done now if it means the VA will open up more care for me but like the lung test hurt and everybody has already told me that the heart stress test sucks, both of them and I’m ordered to do both of them
But my heart is under so much stress and it hurts already so it’s really hard to get me in for that one 👀
When I asked for pain meds, the nurse asked about my ibuprofen and put a refill in
They don’t wanna give me nuthin’ good
Gotta lose an organ or arm or something
Having a major organ like your heart in pain gets ibuprofen or a prescription for your head by the therapist
Go back to sleep little sheeple, there now
Take your gaslighting pills and shut the fuck up
So, I’m glad the state of Florida approves me for medicinal marijuana and I make use of my card (and that bad boy costs money) but the weed is decently priced
I often get 40% off my order
Don’t think I can get through this pandemic without it
Wish the VA would cover some of my prescription costs 👀
The edibles work wonders on my mood and pain
I’m dying
Stop fear mongering over a plant
I don’t even drink alcohol… 👀
That shit is poison, it causes hair loss, premature aging and graying, and I didn’t make it to 43 drinking that stuff
I also don’t have gray hairs yet despite the fact that I am fucking dying relatively young
Thanks to the Moderna vaccines
Nearly got my mysterious death
👀
Anyway, I love y’all
I am not back to physical activity yet but I have been trying to write more and I have been trying to give y’all original photography with my content and I have been trying to drop more on my OnlyFans campaigns and I’m grateful to have your support!
I’m saving for some land, I want my own land to die on and be buried on, that’s my final fucking dream, thank you for participating!! 🥰
I’ll let you know how everything goes Friday when I pick up my medical device and equipment!!
Getting old while young
I’m learning lessons in light-years time
Bought some of this again on my recent trip to the grocery store and my heart seems to like it. Been giving it lots of good treats!! Good healthy eating for the heart & lung & protein for the booty
I had no idea or any way to prepare for what would come after getting vaccinated!
My doc wants me to see a lung specialist about my lung
The VA won’t issue oxygen unless your blood levels are 88% or lower and I’m at 94%
I mean if I lived in California or somewhere hip I guess I could go to an oxygen shop and get some fucking oxygen
I got a bad heart and a bad lung but that’s not enough to issue me some fucking oxygen
More tests!
There’s going to be 9 new billionaires after they get done doing all the test on me
As far as the sac in my heart with fluid, she says normally the body will absorb those on their own in time
So some good news
But what’s a person got to do to get some fucking oxygen around here????
By the time they give it to me it’ll be too late 👀
My left lung isn’t inflating
My chest is tight in my heart, it aches and throbs
She still waiting on the results of my heart monitor
And she ordered me to see a lung specialist so I got to go through that whole fucking entirely painful process
And at some point still do the stress test
👀
But currently refusing and it’s the only test I have refused but like no
Leave my fucking heart alone 👀
You ain’t gonna stress it out 👀
Get the fuck away 👀
So that’s how I feel about the fucking stress test on my heart right now
M’kay
But all the other tests show my shit is fucked up and that’s why they keep ordering more test and more test and God damn I live in the fucking hospital now
Did I mention I’m still in pain 👀
But I really do not want to take a medical leave of absence
At least, not yet 👀
But I asked her was is it gonna be like this forever or was I gonna be able to get back to my rebounding and she said I would not be like this forever so I just wanna have some trust in somebody other than me because I don’t trust anybody or myself
So I’ve been down just over 4 months now, since the first dose of Moderna.
The 2nd dose made it worse, way way worse
I just grew worse by the day
Just thought the worst would be a few weeks because that’s what the CDC gaslit us to believe on the website
AnyWho they are enforcing vaccines on the medical staff, but the lady in pharmacy said that they can’t force it on the vets, that they can’t force medical care on us, so we will see
They show force medical care on you if you are depressed and want to die tho
👀
So, I’m still wounded, working closely with my primary care doctor though, who has been ordering all these tests and reviewing them.
Just taking it day by day
Lots of bed rest
It’s what my body and especially my heart really needs
It’s hard to breathe
I can’t take deep breath’s like I could before, I can only take like shorter breath’s
My vision is off and my sense of taste and smell
I’m half-zombie 👀
And now that I’m vaccinated the unvaccinated have more of a chance to get sick from me
Is there a secret code written Maybe in the stars hidden? That connects you and I?
Are there garbled words which turn a prism? Into harvest worlds that keep us smitten? The way your verbs connect my heart and mind
Are there paths we’ve taken still unwritten? The way my will to you is freely given Under cross or reign, no clearer vision I am hung to you like holy linen
Was it God himself who became a villain? Touching toes in hell, loving all a sinner? I am called a whore, you’d give me your dinner? The lesson here, I think love’s a winner?
I don’t know if I said what I was trying to say or not? It’s a messy morning freestyle. The message became more important than the rhyme.
Jesus loved a sinner best (as I love you) – if I recall correctly, he made some “whore” his equal (but the illuminati removed her from history and I’ve been trying to get ahold of her script so I could read what she had to say) .
“Let’s reinvent gods all the myths of the ages“
Stone me, love me, I’m yours. Free will.
I can handle whatever you give me.
I would die for you.
2 words we should just avoid: hello and goodbye?
Is hello so hard because of all the things I’ve done?
Would you deny me 3 times? In public? My name?
The kiss of betrayal?
Would you sell me out for money?
No, I don’t believe you or I would, but I believe that bitch you were formally with, you know the one with the red hair that I still can’t fucking stand, yeah that one, that one would definitely fucking deny you three times for money…
Even tho she acts like your number 1 stalker, I mean fan.
I still own that title per my confession on TikTok 👀
So whatcha gonna do, crucify me cuz I love you? You already do, DAILY with the ghosting.
*waves white flag*
Surrender/ not your enemy 👣👣👣❤️👣👣👣
(I’m not her enemy either and she needs to learn how to play with others in the playground and stop being a bully. I haven’t been to her blog in a thousand fucking years. I made my apologies publicly and privately and have made my peace with my errors a long time ago.) And nothing I ever did to her justifies her trying to sabotage and take down my business.
Not to mention she was 1000% not following WordPress policy. Was I wrong to leave hateful comments on her blog? Yes. I’m a child, we know this. 👀
Erroneously reporting my content on Instagram and getting it removed out of spite and jealousy, is again, fucking wrong and illegal. Instagram continues to put it back because I am following TOS policy.
She has found a way to manipulate the system because she’s a two-faced bitch.
I know it is her or someone working for her and you’re not gonna convince me otherwise.
Every trail leads to her.
Except your new book, thank fucking god. I have seen the light.
Psycho fucking bitch
Oh sorry, still thinking out loud… 👀
I mean, it’s only been like 48 hours since she tried to take my account down again, so all is fair in the game of love and war???
Picked up a new mask for the cosplay from my patron support (I am not in costume here but this is me)! It’ll be used in upcoming shoots! I’ll be making more photography / digiart that you may use for your own projects! It will be loaded into my campaign as exclusive content! Thanks so much! 💞
Cliffnote: Still apologizing to my love (and enemies) for uprooting his existence and shining my light on his darkness that he’s pulling and sucking every bit of light from me, until you won’t be able to distinguish the light from the dark as we become one, our words embedded with time.
If you appreciate this blog, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon so I can pay my bills and eat: www.patreon.com/poeeternal
If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here.
The scars on my veins a reminder of pain The courage just to continue each day Cuz living with depression is living under chain You may call me crazy but I’m rather quite sane
The days are heavy and I haven’t any strength Every foot forward the deeper I sink The treatments are barbaric and push me to the brink Every other year I’ve got another kind of shrink
Sending some love hehe (in case you forgots)Hi’sI had therapy today and I don’t regret it. My first ponytail since the 1600s. Some of my biggest mistakes were haircuts. And ponytails?
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I’m not proud of the things I have done Dropping verse like a hit and run Settling scores by the inch of my tongue Belittling others cuz they’re having more fun
I’m not proud of calling them names Dousing the fuel, igniting the flames Keeping him down and shackled in chains Changing the rules without knowing the games
With tiny feet I trample the heavens But take regrets and multiply by seven I caused you pain and my mouth was my weapon I made you cry in multiple sessions
I am sorry I pushed you all away For the trouble I caused and the endless heartache For the knife I inserted with every mistake For tossing stones instead of embrace
I don’t expect you to forgive me I just want you to know it made me feel empty And that pound of weight has turned into twenty And heavier now is this ink that is leaking
I need you to know I feel humiliated And maybe this apology has been long-awaited? Maybe none of us are where we are fated? Maybe tomorrow our hands are less weighted?
My door is always open and you are welcome here Coming together is what I wanted, not to disappear I’ve been looking for forgiveness and checking in my rear And I’m hoping maybe silence is more than you all can endear
So, I’m sorry. It may not mean much. It may not help at all. But, I am completely humiliated by my actions and accusations of other bloggers, and even the comments I have left here or on Instagram. Please forgive me if you can. My head and heart really were confused, and my actions did not match my character. My behavior is\was deplorable. I’m sorry I hurt you.
Regrets eek (self circa 2019)
If you dig my writing, please show your support for my blog and help keep it running and advert free by subscribing to my Patreon (I have 2 VIP tiers & 6 Patrons currently *squee*): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
She’s part lightning and part thunder She’s the muse to make you wonder She’s the open field you wander She’s the kiss to make you hunger
She’s the truth you seek but fear to face
And the purity you long to taste
She’s the hand that knows how to heal an ache
And she’d give it all if that’s what it takes
She’s the rainbow you see after a storm The energy of a star to help you keep warm She’s the honey and hive where the bees always swarm Yet you are the reason her smile can take form
The shape of you Appears in a dream Like a butterfly of hope Encasing over me Like the colors of a rainbow Love flows in through a stream And nightmares of us ending Break away at the seam Pictures of us together Paint a different theme
It takes alot of strength to be a good person
It takes alot of steel to not make it worsen
It takes alot of fuel to keep the flames burnin’
It takes alot of prayer to never feel a burden
So you shed another skin and you’re mending up your heart
It’s been patched so many times that it keeps falling apart
Make it up the hill before his love can depart
Climbing all this time, I guess it wasn’t very smart
Lay down my rifle, lay down my pen
Take a breath, count to ten
I’ll give forgiveness just don’t ask when
I still search for peace though I’ve lost all my zen
It takes a lot of dark to appreciate the day
But when you make it through there’s no reason left to stay
What does the hero do when he’s only come to pray
What does the writer write when there’s nothing left to say
These are common tools and tactics the narcissist will use to manipulate, confuse, and control you. GO NO CONTACT!
I know it hurts honey, I’m hurting too. But, they are incapable of real love. You gotta go no contact. There’s nothing you can do to change them. You can’t fix them. They are damned. Save yourself! Go NO CONTACT. NO LOOKING BACK!
Your voice takes me to planets unknown to me Emotions are an endless sea Give me more to stay floating I need all of your energy Like a sun on fire it’s burning I spin and keep yearning Set my spirit free
Mistakes come and mistakes go
But love is threaded in the soul
You can cling to hate like a black hole
But it’ll leave you feeling less than whole
You can drop the rope and lose control
Or turn your heart black like charcoal
There he is my light shining through Just knowing he is there brightens my whole view And so I toss the curtains wide and give a smile or two I’m sending all my love down the wire straight to you
He is part of a world I wish I was in
The story is open, the pages are thin
Love is where I’m going but it’s never where I’ve been
The road is full of obstacles and requires some discipline
The clouds passing by bring a current of hope
The fog dissipates with all of my mope
The sun bursts with a new horoscope
The sky is a blanket where my sorrows can cope
I took my depression and left it in a back alleyway
I may return for it again someday
And when my fears visit, they’ll arrive in a beautiful bouquet
And if you ever forgive me, that day will be a permanent holiday
Set the controls to where my heart is churning
Look all directions, you’ll see our fire burning
There is never a day for you I am not yearning
Some practice of forgiveness is worth learning
I was gonna go to the world’s most famous beach and then to a doggy park but it decided to rain and so dancing my blues away to Zeromancer instead in my bedroom, cuz y’all don’t know this good stuff, do you? 4 minutes of me sweating in my bedroom on an early Saturday morning is everything you’ve always wanted to see, right? (By the time the video uploads it’ll be mid afternoon). I have terrible stage fright. And I’m super shy. But this is a Norwegian band that I’ve been digging for quite some time and this is one of my favorite songs by them.
So I’m okay, if anyone was wondering. And by okay I mean, I’m still fighting the good fight. And to be honest, this blog and you guys are my only lifeline. And yeps, you met me at a messy period in my life. And I’ve already had so many give up on me. I’m trying not to give up on me too. And I know my body isn’t in its best shape but does that mean I have to stand behind the curtain because I don’t meet your expectations of perfection. But also, you could have just loved me how I deserved.
Kill your senses You might be right Hold your fire I’ll take you higher Never drop We’ll never stop Tar for feathers Blood for honey Milk for money Isn’t it funny how it hurts How it hurts You never see me make The same mistake twice You never see a tear Coming out of these eyes You never see me beg For another shot And you never see me change Into something I’m not Famous last words Stare at someone You used to know Laughs at you Turns around and fade away If only I could see it that way Kill your senses It can’t be right Isn’t it funny how it hurts You never see me make The same mistake twice You never see a tear Coming out of these eyes You never see me quit See me disengage And you never see me spit in your face Out of rage Famous last words
To everyone who says, “she’s too skinny, she’s too fat, she doesn’t have a body to be wearing that” err kiss off (anyway I just wanted you to see how long my hair is getting, I’ve been growing it out since I left the Army in 2017 after 15 hard years of service plus a war). It’s nearly down to my arse. 🤓
She makes me rise like the sun And I burn and I come She puts the speed in my blood She puts the rush in my flood She puts the pulse in my thumb She makes the sorrow go numb Goddess of grace and equilibrium
Beginnings in endings
Soft steps of destiny
Like pillows for the needing
Love letters for the mending
Like lovers when they’re healing
When time is for the stealing
Your kiss is the life I missed
Your kiss will stop the apocalypse
When love is like an eclipse
When doubts are in the abyss
When safety it is this
When silence are my lips
Home is your kingdom in my heart
When worlds come together, not apart
When my hand is your start
Where your step is the best part
Your existence my art
Where my love will never depart
Maybe my regret is a thorn in a rose
Or maybe second chance is the hand that he shows
Down here in his chambers, are the darkest meadows
And where we both are heading, only he knows
I will spiral downward, until he breaks my resolve
The further from ascension, the more that we evolve
When pressured for a reason, the question goes unsolved
Leave guessing in the season, where doubt cannot unthaw
Though careful we are treading, through the meddling, of never giving up
And heavy was the worry where our picture could not develop
And leaning on our shoulder was the ear of the devil
And facing in the mirror was an angel who fell from heaven
With eyes that burn for him with loyalty
Though she’ll never know it, his heart is her property
Both married to the darkness as if it’s the only deity
Yet somewhere in the fall, she had found her divinity
There is a tourniquet on her tongue
There is a swell in her heart where he stung
There are written words that remain unsung
There is a list of wrongs that they all hung
There is a trail of ash where lightning struck
There is a stem remaining from her petals he pluck
There is a girl with hope but never any luck
There is quicksand where her feet are stuck
There are rooms without any remorse
And days we seem to make it worse
Where life exists only in verse
They leak from pages and turn to curse
There is a small window where he may care
But you will never get to meet him there
He will pull the blind so they cannot stare
And wear a mask that says beware
There are stones to throw whether wrong or right
And reasons to keep them all up at night
There are teeth attached to mouths that bite
And mistakes so bright you won’t need a light
There are roads we build of the unknown
With caverns of secrets we will never own
And shame like ice we carve a home
Faces with frowns of moments blown
If you stop and take a look around
At your feet growing up from the ground
It grows so high now past your crown
This is where the seeds of love are found
I think I’ve lost my appetite
Please administrator my last rites
Say a prayer or improvise
Say it quick before I die
My breath has ceased, my chest is tight
Love feels like a parasite
My friend she broke to suicide
Now in no one I can confide
But in him I see the light
It feels alot like paradise
If I don’t cool down I might ignite!
It’s possible I might die tonight
Please administrator my last rites
I surrender, there’s no will to fight
There’s always been something about you,
that when I look at you,
my soul just glitters;
Gold energy that seals my wounds
and puts me on display,
at shops in LA
Kintsugi for the soul
A broken soul with golden tear trails
It must look like a lightning bug
on a warm Summer’s day
Every now and then
you’ll catch a glimpse of my soul lighting up
much like when you smile at me
and I blossom like a butter cup
In those moments, life exist
I am not dead just yet
PoeEternal 