I don’t know who is who? Turn the boy purple, he’s still you? And that one on the corner, he is too? In fact, multiple the number, now there’s a few? Or maybe there is no one, my eyes can’t trust the view?
Do you know how light travels at light-speeds? That’s how fast I travel to your galaxy. Whatever your wants, whatever your needs. My heart will see that it proceeds.
Look at how it parts The Red Sea Still you ask if we love thee Look at how the Earth is splitting We have taken a knee Look at how the clouds hover me Galaxies glowing from envy
Below contains maybe trigger warnings so read at your own discretion. I have the ability to offend. One of my superpowers!
Sidenote: my dad died last month, and while I may seem actively posting, I’m kinda falling apart behind-the-scenes. I’m not taking too keenly the demands of my time, I’m still pushing people away, suicidal, and out of fucks to give. It’s just an FYI. I’ve no mind to socialize. I’m an introvert. I dig my privacy. I’ve always been an elusive creature. And picky with how I share my time. The narcissist is abundant and will drain me dry. It’s nothing personal, just how I be. You’ll notice how I don’t have a contact page. And now I don’t like leaving comments on other bloggers stuff because my email gets disclosed and I start receiving unwanted emails. This just recently happened where another blogger was acting super obsessive of me and my time and emailing me nearly on the daily (and was going on and on about how into me he was- but he doesn’t support any of my campaigns). I had to set him straight. I guess I should feel bad for sending demons back to hell but I’m dead inside. 👍👍
You will likely hear other bloggers call me a “bitch” for being indifferent to their narcissistic tools of manipulation…. M’kay keep moving. I know my worth.
I am a Vampiress. Queen of the Undead. And I bite.
*muwahahahahaha*
And y’all thought I was joking when I told you the devil has me on speed dial for advice. Tsk tsk.
In other news, I have packages in delivery, but due to covid, may not arrive til next year. Welp. I’m being sarcastic. They should have already arrived but they’re kind of in limbo. I’ve been planning a vampire cosplay shoot. Like, we may get to Mars before that happens. Again, sarcasm. But it’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like I’m planning to do and I’ve planned to do it during a fucking pandemic. Not the best timing I admit. But 2021 already feels like deja vu. Or just 2020 2.0.
I feel like I’ve been here before even though I haven’t. I feel aloof. Have I really died? Heaven feels kind of empty.
Is there like a hug from Gavin Rossdale at the end of the tunnel/light? I need hugs. Welp.
Not in love with the guy, just been obsessed with him since the 90s, my second crush, no big deal. It’s just when he sees me at his shows he showers me with all sorts of love and sometimes his guitar pick or sweat. I act all sorts of stewpids around him. Cursed him accidentally in Miami once but the next day I got a tweet by him that it was great to see me. Got all kinds of mems with my king but man I didn’t get to go to one show in 2020 which means I didn’t get one fucking hug from my king. Welp.
There aren’t many bands in the alternative scene that are still putting out music that I like or many of them have already died but Bush remain a huge inspiration for me musically. Dig his films too. Gavin Rossdale’s role in “Constantine” with Keanu Reeves was fucking amazing. Gav has done lots of film stuff but he’s not fond of the long hours, itchy makeups, TV, or being away from his fams. KING.
I miss gigging so much. Gah. I’ve seen Bush in several different states and cities now. But it’s to the point I’m ready to save up some money to see them in the UK. Only the pandemic as a barricade. Welp.
Gav giving me his Superman poses! Uhm, his abs are rock hards. Couldn’t stop the feels. 😍Birthday gig August 2019. Seems another life ago!! 😭😍😭
The Bush Army hate me but the leader likes me coming to his shows. 😍
If I ever get the chance to meet him again I hope I can act normal. I literally start screaming when he comes near me okay I fucking scream. Like a little girl. How fucking cute. But then I start dropping shit or I’ll cuss him out or I’ll forget like basic introductions. Welp. My brain just dumps loads of chemicals when I’m around him and I go fucking haywire. It’s ridic.
I do have loads of band photography from a lot of bands that I’ve seen because photography is a passion of mine and maybe one day I’ll start sharing that here on my blog.
When I love a band I love a band obsessively and wholly. Pink Floyd has been my number uno since the age of 8. I’d piss myself if I ever met David Gilmour. Maybe keel over and die of happiness too. Welp.
This poem IS NOT about my king. I do not long for him in such ways. I couldn’t sleep and it’s now almost 2 a.m. and I needed someone to talk to. Kinda. The quiet hours are my favorite time to write. Or just be. You also have to be extremely careful of serial killers and rapists but you know. I have 15 years of army training as a reminder. I am a trained killer. But also, I don’t really think killers like killing suicidal people cuz we just be like “yeah come on give it to me, where yah been my whole life” 😍…
So what’s the pandemic like at your neck of the woods? I’m going stir crazy if yah can’t tell. And Florida feels like 1 degree. I can’t even step outside it feels like Antarctica. I need my cold weather gear to take my dog for a piss. I can’t deals.
I always find it so strange that the absence of light means coldness. Death. I don’t want anybody touching my cold fucking leather after I die. I’m starting to have these weird fucking ideas about my body when I die.
It’s weird seeking death and immortality at the same time but I’m a strange one.
Ideally, I would like to donate my entire body to an organization that would like to freeze me and bring me back via clone or some sort of digital format. I don’t really want to donate my body to science so some students can cut me up and squirt my blood all over each other laughing, no thanks.
Or that asshole in the morgue who doesn’t know how to handle my hair.
Yes, I worry about my body after death. Why? I know not.
Necrophiliac’s? Eek. I have trouble fucking things that ARE alive.
Sometimes the dead are more alive tho. And better company.
Inconsolable The way you throb for her I move through life Like I’ve heard not a word You’ll get what you deserve My love decomposable Grasping at darkness It’s exposable The Great Unearthing You’re disposable
I have some photo shoots I’m wanting to get done but also a lot of moving parts that need to come together. Scout locations. Costume fittings. Weather permitting. And that’s just a few… I don’t want to give away too much but I’ve never done anything like this before. Patience needs to be a virtue. I’m antsy.
The Covid pandemic is also holding up items in the mail that I need. But whatevs. Life. Gotta come up with plan B, C, D and revise/update when you can. I’m very spontaneous, what the fuck is patience? Go now! Welp. Not now now though because it feels like Antarctica outside currently. I nearly turned into a Snowman. WTF Florida get it together. My heat is on.
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I once held him like constellations I ate his ripened fruit full of temptations Like when you are feeling loved in all the locations He was my biggest wonder in all of the nation’s
I was a most avid reader Growing like cedar Never needed a breather Now I am neither
Look at how you carve through precious stone- You go from cherished to disowned!
If this is how you treat what you cherish- Spear the love, see if it will perish?
Cherished muse- You have 20 more to replace for every one you lose!
Let me tell you what you wish; A face you really could cherish!
He can turn water into poison You’ll never know you were chosen He can turn truth into erosion He’s got fire but it is frozen
Don’t call on him to have pity You won’t find any in his city Crossing wires like love is infinity He is guilty
He’s not bold He’d whimper and fold He looks old But that’s the price of cold?
It’s a balancing act Trying to remain intact After privacy is lacked And seeing through any mask
How did all these years come to pass Living hour by hour under glass When did mere living come last Crawling these circles full mask
How many roads of lies were paved When did summer turn to grave Too broken or damned to save “Regret” on tomb engraved
She’s got everything hasn’t she? She has his time, admiration, and money. Still, she’s confused on who to be. Meanwhile, I’m a fish out of water, He doesn’t care if I die or breathe
I got iron steel regret How heavy can it get? I’ll find out yet Weighing every bet
Pinching any nerve left I’ll fail each and every test I’m the very best at less I’m the best at less!!!
I do terrible things For love In everything absent of – I don’t rise above
If only disappointment were a page to turn If dismay were a sunray But I chew on bitterness Bewildered from his poison seed
I pack worry in a suitcase Toss my rainboots in a tree Laced with lies received It’s how I bleed
I sometimes think you are many faces Filling spaces Second bases All these places
You assemble hope in tied up laces Watching over me like the moon in phases Carrying me over trouble through midnight races
Love is like the beginning and end
There will be no headstone No grave From life to dust I’m not okay
Deny me love. I will appeal.
I’ve been berated Words sophisticated Now time is hated Black holes where waited Hours wasted Love is not how it tasted Love is not how it tasted
At 26,000 light-years away, it’s the closest we’ve ever been And if regret is a singularity, it’s finally creeping in
Could fit all I am in a tiny box Cheap, won’t cost a buck Disposable and out of luck And for me, he doesn’t give a fuck
Well thank you for leaving me where I didn’t want to be.
He’s been charged with possession of stolen property.
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Treat darkness like an overpass
Lay down a red carpet full of glass Ask the Sun if it’s okay to bask Precious love is always last
You turn a word into a ton of weight Can make a damaged heart dilate Stop all of hope with an iron gate And take holy love to desecrate
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Make an angel take a dirty bath
I’ve seen the dead rise from the ink you spill Not even god can escape the gravity of your will You dig tunnels just for thrill See how many you can kill
Come to me By frothy sea Shine your light I fancy thee
Red shift, blue shift I don’t give a shit
I’m so much better than that flock of shit you summon Your mouth is the opposite direction I am running Your lies only come by the dozen You can knock but you can’t come in The darkness covers all but it’s my coven You ain’t welcome here again
I’m having trouble facing things Or how the sorrow becomes permanent encasings Though a bullet to the skull wouldn’t phase me A daily crucifixion, the only life I’m facing
You’re cruel Using me as your fuel You’re not my tool
I drink from the carton And I never show my enemy just how I’m hurtin’ I draw the curtain And if you catch me taking a nap Are you for certain?
I’m a rib from your side A curse like Dracula’s bride Or Bonnie and Clyde I drink your love like cyanide Mixed with hope and rhyme
Cut the cord yes I certainly did Filled my home with darkness so thick I hid Over valleys of crying I skid
Death and chaos is order Loving him made me older Even a glowing moon can’t comfort the way you smother You’re a terrible lover Always lying under cover You don’t love her You have only mind to wonder Less a heart just feet with thunder Get going you monster
Well, how much more dead can you get?
I don’t know what it’s like to be desired If I had purpose it’s now expired My wings expand but heart is tired Tell me what in life is required?
Why does my love always cause destructive tidal waves?
Did you know mountains were resting on your shoulder named envy? You let me crash on your soul in frenzy I’m dizzy Did you not need me?
Did you know moons were glowing with envy? Heartache cost not a penny But I got plenty If you need any?
Gone But left my heart to disassemble on its own I left it rotting on your throne Caring too much for desensitized bone Lust your carried tomb I’d rather be alone Direction unknown
Got dressed up all like I had no where to goes- But I did and I do, I have people to impose
There are parts of me that are dying Fragile cells multiplying Swamps forming from lying Weeping willows heard crying
Edges of time his mind I go missing every time His rhyme Holding me to crime His line Wishing on a dime
Sometimes, I climb into the ether where we met Heaven is risky but I took the step You feel like eternity in an instance Gotta keep our distance
Every day there’s some new tragic fate with you.
Evolve or repeat.
Why hold on to something when all our sums have failed Why give me any hope when there’s holes within my sails
I fell in love with a monster Spying on ways he would watch her Twisting and burning for answer Changing moments to cancer
I can smell the lie on his tongue I can see the tar clear in his lung I know every direction he’s coming from I know evil is where he sprung
I can see his shadow hanging low Like a spider crawling slow He’s not here to help you grow A web of lust his afterglow
He brings you presents wrapped as lies When dressed as shame he’ll change devise To maintain charm he’ll risk goodbyes
God they’re all the same Using lies to earn your trust We’re just a game You think you know their name Then learn the truth now you’re to blame
God says I can’t save them all- Focus on the stars, I know about the stars So I’m on my knees, I wallow in these scars
God says, watch how the colors bleed- How it’s flowing free We’re only allowed pockets of energy
Stop serving good vibes to those deserving of goodbyes
If only there were a fence that lead me to your green pastures. Or if love were the grandest gestures.
Would it cease our need of treasures? And increase in heart our pleasures?
I’m hanging onto life with all I have left And you I’m clinging to with every single breath
He grew obsessed after every loss The thing he loved, became his cross Still over mountains, he gave it all And how he sweat, she never saw
From the top, to the bottom, to rising again Deserted deserts, losing treasures, our feet have been Over powered, over run, still fit to win The trouble with hope, it burrows under your skin
How can heaven weigh this? Are you not why heaven fell?
How many lies are you leading The light receding And was I ever in your field of needing? How many lives proceeding
How wave after wave pummeled Darkness fully tunneled
I don’t want to be known for the wars I fought – Or the hate I taught
I don’t belong here With the putrid Though the dead more alive
I bit more than I can chew I am stupid Got the devil in my crew
I invited evil to dance Then got muted The devil in a trance
I see through mask like a pattern Deeply rooted Though in the dark he was my lantern
He has to be very careful Of who, of what, of when, of why Every step he makes is sterile Of love, of care, of hope, or I
I am replaceable A traveler straight to erasable He is obsessed with her And her and her But me it’s always never
I can handle extreme pressure under fire But put me in the cold and I will expire
I’M CREATING NUDE PHOTOGRAPHY, VIDEOGRAPHY, COSPLAY, AND ADULT STORIES ON MY ONLYFANS! WWW.ONLYFANS.COM/POEETERNALShameless self-promotion. I’m planning a special shoot!
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting independent artists!
I don’t mind that I’m a bit dirty lol. To be fair, the potato is my favorite vegetable. I am a special spud growing in his existence. Am I the root of all evil? 😀😏😆
Our garden of the damned?
*laughs insanely*
Damn, now I want some mashed potatoes. Or chips. Fries. Twiced baked. Salad. Soup. GIVEMAH!!
In other news, I live in an apartment complex that sounds like a war zone and I need to move. Anxieties.
I’ve been seriously busy planning a cool photoshoot so I hope things go according to plans. They rarely do! So I don’t want to give anything away yet. But, as things progress, you know, updates. I haz secrets!! 😍
He was atomic A void not peaceful Though wasn’t static But like lightning falling He was enigmatic Though loving him Proved problematic
She was barren A desert without form So tired of caring Or like a planet roiling Could hear her swearing And if you caught a glimpse Her wing was wearing
More poetry coming, so I’m about to blow up the WordPress feed over the next few days, with multiple postings in a day, so you may need to check my actual blog to not miss a feed (unless you have the notifications set on).
Also, if you sign up to my blog via email, that will keep you from missing any posts and you will never have any advertisements delivered because I’m running my blog advertisement free. Your support on my Patreon allows me to run my blog free from advertisements or spam. I thank you.
I once tried to maintain some sort of theme and posting order but my life is chaos currently.
I’m on edge. Welp.
Uhm the Grinch has arrived. Eggnog now please. (I don’t actually have any eggnog but it would be nice).
Please sail me out to eternity on your word You said no one would listen but I heard Death may be approaching but soul stirred I’d give it all for just a third Please let me feel where life occurred
How will you remember me when I’m 13 billion light-years from you? Look at all the darkness I’m peering through. Now the light is fleeing too. The great expanse of all you do.
The pandemic is getting worse. So too my depression, hopelessness, anxiety, isolation, paranoia. Got the psyche on redial. Just gonna keep writing. Dying. Feel every fucking second like a cross.
This is where our world’s collide You the sun and I the tide This is why we fail goodbye You the earth and I its bride This is why fate complied I took root in your sky This is how heaven sighed
You think you’re in control because I need your money? You think I believe the lies you spread like honey? I could leave without a care, my world would still be sunny! The devil won’t even challenge me, says I’m the perfect study!!
Our love is science fiction I wrap your love around my vein It’s called addiction Still the power you contain I’ve got affliction But I love you all the same So I keep wishing On stars I knew your real name And I keep itching In places where you came A crucifixion But I lie and call it rain A contradiction When the truth makes my soul wane
You’ve got a scowl that drains the mood out of a moon Still the stars will wander, hoping to see you soon You’ve got a hundred million ways, to make the clouds swoon You exhale and turn continents into doom
Still blown away. I’m into nature. There are people who care not one bit for the moon or any natural wonder. Let alone a rainbow.
Me on the other hand. I turn into a little girl. That’s because I never grew up. Not gonna.
I still think it was my dad telling me goodbye. I just didn’t know he had passed until an hour later (if).
LIFELINES.
(Better than becoming fish bait. I gotta get back to writing. Yelled at the mom and therapist).
Really itching to pick up my guitar tho.
The CDC says the pandemic is getting worse.
My depression is getting worse.
And asteroid Apophis is on like 2 or 3 return trips back to us.
Uhm, we’re 2000 lightyears closer to the center of a blackhole.
Politics give me hellof anxiety.
Somethings wrong with the world, am I the only one to feel it?
I gotta quit reading the news.
Paranoia.
Uhm, my hairs is getting ridiculously long. Down or up it’s in the way. 😏Fine silks homegrown from my skull. I can’t wait to start updating my wardrobe. Get photos n vids. More tattoos n piercings. Make cool cosplay. Wanna sell my computer and get a laptop. A better phone n camera. New editing software. Updates. 2021 = year of transformation. Not sure how to pull off the tattoos and piercings if the economy is still closed but everything else is doable. I’m desperate for my makeover from Soldier and businesswoman to me. My Jeep needs a little TLC too. Gonna share it all. Thanks for seeing me while I’m alive. And supporting me while I’m alive. That gives me feel good vibes. =)
Trying not to die from depression or be dead for days before anyone knows. I still don’t know about my dad so I’m treading the earth lightly. I’m here but I’m not. Dig? 😭😭😭
Thanks for checking out my blog and supporting indie artists! I’m on the Patreon and OnlyFans. I appreciate the support. Starving artist and all (so was Edgar Allan Poe, yo). 👀
Why do you block the tide from receding? Was it not the love you were needing? Did creatures not evolve from the bleeding? Every hour you appeared for the feeding?
Why do you not place repentance on my altar? Why am I barely head above water? Feeling my existence ever growing smaller You want her to feel taller?
Do you think if silence had a sound, it would sound like my heartbeat next to yours? Gently crashing on your soul like frothy shores? Per chance the knocking were only open doors? Would it end our wars?
I was going to write a non rhyme and then 5 seconds later this poem was born. Light-speeds!
Spiraling into nothingness like a cocoon
Elite. I live and breathe this shite. Eh, addictions. What can you do? The madness is the cure. I’ll eventually get another non-rhyme out of me. I’ve been trying to pull that bitch out!! Just don’t rhyme. Simple. Right? Eh, no. Not at all. 😣😑😮😣😏🙄
*pen to vein* *inject all the feels* *euphoric* Oooh me wrotes another rhyme!!! It just fell out! Am I allowed to sometimes like the stuff that I write? Cuz this gave me a sweet tooth. You? 😍
I’ll get him to love me with curses and incantations 💔Tell me
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting indie artists! 💋
None of you were worth it You made me worthless Able to love less Daily a failed test Deserving a holed chest A bullet not a vest Time to give it a rest Suicide at its best
My best friend had the right idea putting a 357 Magnum gun to her head and blasting a bullet through her brain ending her precious litte life before age 14.
I don’t know why I stuck around this long lying to myself pretending things would get better. They have not.
My best friend’s mom later hung herself on a fucking rope at like age 46 and I’m not far from it.
Edgar Allan Poe couldn’t live without love either and died on the fucking street naked, unknown, poor, fucking broke, and heartbroke. I dare say he was depressed too and I’m officially diagnosing Edgar Allan Poe as depressed. People haven’t got much better. BEASTS in CARDIGAN. Some without a backbone or spine. That’s why they can easily replace you on a dime they’re empty and soulless.
Suicidal and out of fucks to give.
Too much gaslighting and narcissism in the world. No love or nurturing coming in.
The sheeple over run.
I WANT OUT. LET ME OUT
*free yer mind* *okie dokie* *if you die in the Matrix you die in the real world* *jumps from bridge*
I go from flatline To hips shaking engorging my mind He is insanely fine Light-speeds of love climbing my spine Images burning between time All hell then divine Wish I could call him mine
I don’t want to feel thingsFrownGardenCrazy obsessed. Need a rubber room. Or maybe just some love? Attention? Be seen!?! But, I’m not thick and he doesn’t know I exist. Just like she doesn’t know or care that he exists. But she gets all his attention. I CAN’T compete with porn. I wasn’t born with that kind of body. I’m not working out 24/7 just to enhance my ass or training my butthole with a plug so it could take four dicks in it so he’s not interested in me at all. My body / existence does nothing for him. I’m not enough. Never was enough for mankind. Tired of breathing. So lonely. Unloved. He doesn’t care or see me. Invisible. 😭😭😭
Gone But left my heart to disassemble on its own I left it rotting on your throne Caring too much for desensitized bone Lust your tomb or home I’d rather be alone Direction unknown
He watches me
The way time moves over my feet
My doors opening and closing
Peering into the window of all I am exposing
Playing tug-of-war with hearts decomposing
My third eye all-knowing
He watches you
Catching me in view
And what we do
We’re split in truth
Well, who knew?
I guess he loves me too 💕
To be honest, I’m still a tiny microorganism. Compared to my love for you. Like all the dark matter in the universe, it just grew. Space equals truth. 💕
I love you. I hate you tug-of-war
I’m staying. I’m leaving tug-of-war
I’m empty. You’re in me tug-of-war
I’m pulling. You’re tugging tug-of-war
I’m sorry I’m mean to you. I don’t want to cry anymore. Don’t retaliate. 😭😭😭
Not only does he listen I got him by the teeth And in his world I glisten While dancing on his feet
His love has no conditions So solid like concrete It seems his only mission Is loving me complete
Walking tightropes Over every word wrote Using lines to balance Darkness and failed hope Taking steps to fall But then don’t He pushes me across the wire His back gropes The world crying I’m a joke But he won’t
He is a cosmic jewel Longing felt under moon A hope or two A dream in blue
Earthly views The perfect muse The love I choose Someone I can’t refuse
Uhm, is anyone sick of my rhyme yet? Did anyone notice that within a blink my blog reached nearly 10K more views? Nearly 10,000 more visits HERE to read my blog! We’re nearing 60K! 😍
Got my enemies watching with a telescope- they say they hate me but you know I’m dope! 😍
It’s a weird place to be Not with, not without But if you drift into the big sleep I would stop existing It’s without a doubt Like leaving the galaxy I couldn’t breathe So I shout How could you leave? Abandon me? You’re all I need
I love you in any realm, all over Earth, and this town. When I’m up or down, sideways, or stuck in a frown. From east to north, and all around. From the dawn of creation, down to your noun. You overwhelm. But I am bound. Circling and circle proud. Pulling eights from the cloud. I say it loud. Unroll it, light the ground. For life is better, where you are found.
If only forgiveness were easy asked and demons were sleeping
How many ways can you spell I love you? Are you tired of hearing it yet? Does the universe give you any signs? Are you awake, are you alive? Are you listening?
I’m on the Patreon! Appreciate the support, it helps keep this blog running and advertisement free (I hate spam) and you get exclusive writing over there plus photography perks you can use for your own projects! I also record spoken word professionally! I have more than 1 tier to choose from or pledge your own amount! Thanks to my current patrons, I’m so grateful for the support! www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Staring up from down below Heaven fell further than I know The wind gets cold Like regret growing old With a heart of stone Set in gold Or hearing whispers “I told you so” Where are angel’s not to go? God told me to love him whole The sinner yes so I tread his road Ready to take on intruders, I’m bold He says friend, I say foe There’s complications in the fold Missings cards like hands, I need him though Dropping SOS’s where his feet have strolled Sights to behold Or heartaches sold
To be honest, I just wanted to keep going with this rhyme flow. I gotta stop putting on the breaks. I’m feeling pages, can you roll?
Moonstone if you’ve ever wondered. I wrote an essay in college once on the healing properties and energetic properties of stone and blew my professor away. I’m going to get back into to meditation sessions soon. Just trying to find my self-esteem and what’s left of my pride after my last nuclear meltdown. I’m radioactive. And collapsing in on myself.
This goes without saying but, I get insanely jealous of the attention he gives other girls. Like black jealousy. And my doctors at the VA don’t understand this kind of love or obsession. They don’t even understand why I’m scared of asteroid Apophis. Whatever. You can’t cure these things. Love is the only acceptable remedy. He just needs to kiss me. Shimples.
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally!
I can’t get him to block me back no matter what I do. I don’t purposely seek out rubble, it’s just sometimes a huge chunk breaks off me like a boulder and starts rolling down and crushing anyone in his path. And as I’m tumbling down the hole of despair, he’s still there. Picking up all the little pebbles and tucking them right into his heart.
So yeah, I found another way to scream I’M DROWNING, while in a spiral downward. I clawed him all the way down, too. Landed right back by his side in pieces.
I’m staring up from down below. Wondering how many times I have to start again. As his rope begins to descend. Was that not my end?
This is why poetry exists. Edgar Allan Poe lost the love of his life and literally died in the street and I have some of his previously, unpublished words he wrote for her tattooed on my ribcage.
Edgar Allan Poe and the words he wrote his true love after she died. And then he died. In the fucking street. Naked!!! At only age 40! 😭 Older photo of my Edgar Poe tat when it was healing “My love is lying” me too Poe!! But in a different way!! “I must weep alone” same same!!! 😭
So what does all this mean?
I’m having difficulty living without him and don’t want to die in the street?
I’d like more tats. They were getting super strict about tattoos in the military. But now that I’m out, I can work on getting some visible tattoos once the Jeep is paid off (on my last 2 payments). Everything cost the moneys I don’t have. Join my Patreon! 🙏
I need better photos of my Edgar Allan Poe tattoo and I also want to get some flowers around my hip and the poem.
Me no likey pains. Me wants pleasures. Take away me pain.
Real body, real person, real scars. I don’t want to remove my sex organs for plastic. Get over it. I’ve made it to age 42 without a single gray hair. ACCOMPLISHMENT. CHECKMATE. (someone has requested for me to get on the onlyfans but if you don’t mind the fact that I have a real body, I’m going to be starting a new nude cosplay tier on my Patreon 2021 (potentially). I’m not a model. I’m just yer average gal in a petite body trying to do extraordinary things. I have done’s. (I’ve had many guys body-shame me over the years for not having fake boobs or fake tans, nails, and hair for that matter). I guess I’m supposed to be this bombshell pornstar 24/7 which is not what I am at all. They weren’t even good lovers. Let alone decent human beings. If I could do my twenties over, I would spend it making less mistakes with man. So now Ima do me for my final decade (and I’d be hella lucky to make it to 50 at the rate my body and mind is disintegrating). Thanks for seeing me and appreciating me while I’m alive. I’ve never gone pink or bleached my fine silks. Trying to keep my hair growing after I die… I don’t know how Gavin Rossdale would respond if I showed up at a Bush show with pink hair, he already adores the fuck out of me coming to his shows. I get the VIP treatment whether I do VIP or not. 😊
I currently have 3 tats, 1 on my lower back (also another excruciating part of the body due to your nerve endings), ribcage (Poe tat) and upper chest (super easy in comparison to the back and rib). My Edgar Allan Poe tattoo is my largest (and that bad boy is on my ribcage). I’m going to be getting some new tattoos in 2021!!! I mean, like if I don’t die. Which is literally quite easy to do.
I’m starting to get request for the onlyfans. But I don’t want to do any kind of porn acts. I asked them if they’d still be willing or interested if I did classy nude cosplay sometimes with Vampire elements and they said yes and be willing to spend 15 to $20 on that so. That’s good. Good that I’m starting to get requests & price estimates. I even took a screenshot for my self-esteem (of the request). So thank you, because I really want to get into the cosplay and I need some support for that. Costumes, fangs, makeups, gear, equipment. FOOD. GAS to get places. They discovered my Insta! Hope the shadowban’s been lifted!!
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up (including photography you can use for your own projects)! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally and to keep writing and making art!
He could know He could tear out the knot and tangles that we sew He could go He could block me eternally, still I glow Even when faint, to him, my light will show So I flow
Welp. Can’t get him to block my existence (yet). I can attack him under my pen, under my full name, under my social media accounts, under my email, on my blog, through poetry, he’s got the ultimate ghosting Poker Face, I’ve thrown jabs, gut-wrenching flaming bombs of blame, spat on his name (actually I don’t think I’ve done that, I actually wrote him a poem with his name as an acronym in the title and as a line in the poem, which was hard to do, because I’m madly in fucking love with him and was stupid enough to tell him on his goddamn fucking social media in private message like a fucking roaring lunatic).
It went like this. ‘Hi. I’m suicidal and might die. I wrote this for you. Just thought you should know in case I die’. I don’t think it went down very well. Do you reckon that’s how Edgar Allan Poe delivered his poems to the love of his life (who was his blood cousin but we can’t all be perfects). Welp.
Did I mention I’m not like other girls? I’m rather quirky, weird, and odd. I bite strangers on random; girls, boys, whenever the mood strikes, on a neck or wrist, with such delicate precision and precise pain, that all have been shocked by it, but always moved in a positive way, because it was a weirdly pleasurable experience for them. “You bit me”. “Ee, I kind of did, didn’t I? Oops sorry”. But, none of them have ever felt violated in any way and probably still recall on the experience (though I won’t know, because I don’t even know who they were/ are). I just do it at random. I haven’t really been biting people lately though. But the urges are there. I literally bite people’s girlfriends and boyfriends, but I do it in a non-sexual way, it’s hard to explain it. I do it as a greeting and then I disappear. Sometimes I stick around and chat for a minute or two because my presence will be requested. When I let people see my weirdness they’re impressed. Sometimes I use my brain to blow people’s minds in other ways. But very few are allowed around the real me. I can only say I have psychic abilities and ways to exchange energy and there are people out there who literally think I’m an actual angel who fell. I’ve done meditation sessions and I can know someone’s sign within 5 minutes of meeting them, it blows their mind, “but how” they beg to know”! I tell them I studied astrology intensely when I was 15 “but how” they’d ask! Well, with me mind. Third eye.
Men would have literally burned me at the stake or drowned me with stone tied around my ankle or some other heinous crime as a witch in the 1800s had I been around!
I’m a super sensitive creature and I don’t do well around a lot of people. Or maybe people at all. I like people I do. Sometimes. 👀
My skin and eyes are sensitive to light because I’m part vampyre.
And my skin is sensitive to certain metals because I have Lycan blood in me (I howl at the Moon and bite people on random beware).
Yes, people are scared of me. Boo.
I am a goth queen. I just look really fucking poor because I’m a proper Nosferatu. But I’m going to try to step up my Nosferatu image as soon as the Jeep is paid off and I can start buying black clothing again. I want to start a classy nude cosplay on my Patreon. Just had someone ask me to get on the OnlyFans (and I might reconsider it cuz I was on it for like 5 minutes but I wasn’t aware there was a fucking shadowban going on). I’ve also been tweeking my circle, and unfortunately my crazy ass has actually blocked patrons, so I’m literally kicking people out my life, because I’m suicidal and out-of-control apparently! Woo hoo rubber room y’all (I will escape. I escaped the facility in Alabama on more than one occassion and they had to change all their fucking rules because of me. I was 16 and on suicide watch half the time I was there but left the leader. I left the leader even though I escaped the building several fucking times and was on suicide watch. I AM SPECIAL. LIKE MY MIND IS STUPID POWERFUL YO.
I would just like to point out that I am not against sex work, I am against guys abusing the female population and I think sometimes my message might get lost in between my crazy ass behavior (I act out when I’m suicidal online because I feel very close to how Michael Hutchence did before he fucking tore up his body dying by suicide. Sometimes I want to take a razor blade and just go fucking crazy on myself so like I’m fucking unhinged right now, I know). THAT’S WHY I’M DISABLED. IT’S CALLED DEPRESSION. I WANT TO DIE. At least that’s what my thoughts keep telling me to do, which makes me cry about it, because it’s a really scary thing to think about and I don’t actually want to wind up like Michael Hutchence so I wind up attacking people online cuz I’m waiting for my knight to come save me I guess. It’s definitely not “in hospital care”, I don’t even know how they can call it fucking care, it’s fucking insanity. You go to the hospital, you say, “hi I’m thinking about killing myself and need some help” so they take your clothes from you and they take your phone from you, you can’t have anything that brings you pleasure, you can’t have any books, you can’t have any music, but you can have a Bible and big Pharma!!!!! I’m acting out. Sure. Because I don’t want to wind up like Chris Cornell, who was notifying his wife in the middle of his suicide act, via an app, which turned their bedroom lights on and off, and he did this after a sold-out show in a hotel room!!! I don’t want to wind up like my other heroes like Kurt Cobain or my best friend who died by suicide and every day it’s a battle to not fucking die!!!!
I’m not pretending to be depressed or suicidal. I’m a war veteran and I am being completely transparent about what I’m going through currently because I might die by this disease that I’ve essentially been battling my whole life but gets worse with every breath.
I don’t know what I would do if he blocked me back, I think I would actually fucking die. I’m a horrible person. I probably should die.
I don’t think I’m actually that horrible but some of my fucking actions are and make me really remorseful because I’m not a narcissist.
Every time I hurt him I just hurt me more.
But it’s a lesson I can’t learn because I keep hurting us.
I think maybe he should just fuck me. I think if I got laid half my problems would dissolve in an instance because I have like three years of writing this dude poetry and being insanely fucking madly in love with him and sometimes I’m a star collapsing under my own weight. Or he’s a black hole tugging me. Or I’m the black hole stealing his light. Or maybe we belong together.
Or maybe our love story is similar to that of dracul Vladimir Tepes. I’m trying not to dive off the tower like Mina did. Or, after he spends millenia looking for me, I have to end his misery only to be kept with my own (and still without him, tho the love won’t die). I fell in love with him, God won’t allow me not to love him, I was born loving him. This I know.
Edgar Allan Poe died without his love too. 😭
As soon as Johnny Cash lost his wife, he lost his battle to cancer. He gave up the good fight. 😭
I don’t want to live without him but I keep pushing him away! 😭
*sobs uncontrollably*
*the chances of dying in the street increased*
So on some days I’m ready to retire and on other days I’m ready to open up my nude Patreon tier. On some days, I want to die and on other days I’m living life.
Stay tuned. I’m bound to fall again. And again.
Some secrets I’m never telling. Be careful what the devil is selling.
Awoke before sunrise, far below the clouds Lost hope before his eyes, fell below the crowds I stopped to smell his lies, now I’m seeking shrouds Though somnolent were his cries, now his pain enshrouds
I wish I could get some sleep. I guess I will when I die.
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally!
Not today and probably not tomorrow either. Jesus himself could try to teach me the lesson of forgiveness but God literally made me incapable of learning it. I’m an angel. I am meant to send demons to hell. And I’m an ACTUAL warrior, highly and sufficiently trained by the United States Army for 15 years. Even been to combat, have seen war. Broken in more ways than one, but never my integrity. Not my honor. Not my pride for the sacrifices, I’ve done for my country.You can’t fucking break me, the Army already did. And I’m going to survive this apocalypse without you. Enjoy your proverbial bed. 😊
I cringe at socialites. Just not my thing. And that’s okay. Introverts deserve recognition too.
I barely can handle family events which is why I pretty much don’t do them anymore either.
2 am snapchat version me (and 48 hours no sleep, yay insomnia)!!!
And to the ones who give me space to do my work without any bullshit involved, thank you. I’ve said this like a thousand times before, but I am a war vet and I am not a social creature. You shouldn’t base how much I like you, on how often I come around. But there’s also certain platforms that I have gotten off of, for the most part like Facebook, because it’s toxic as fuck. I had stayed on the Instagram and Twitter but I’m kind of falling off the Twitter now too.
You’ll notice I’ve never had a contact box on my blog. I don’t participate in prompts. I’m currently not doing collabs. I’m not good with communicating anymore either. I don’t do social events, I don’t do social outings. I don’t people. I don’t even like knocks at my door or phone calls. I have disabilities and health issues that keep me isolated. But I still have to kill off friendships because they get mad at me for not wanting to go hang out at a bar. I don’t even drink. 👎👎
You can bribe me with food though at any point in the day. Be extra careful though at midnight because that’s when I’m the hungriest and turn into a gremlin if I DON’T EAT.
On the upside, I am considering adding a limited number video chat tier to my Patreon, as many writers and artists offer it. Can discuss anything, writing, read me something you’re working on, chat about the weather, get writing tips, get feedback on a project you’re working on. Whatever! Regular stuffs that these video chats are for (the non sex work stuff)!
I’m also wanting to add a print tier (which is coming hopefully within the next 60 days) and if I could get enough support rolling in, a cosplay nude tier. Costumes, makeup, props, equipment, these things require money. I’ll be needing to update my goals on my Patreon soon as I’m growing thanks to your feedback, encouragement, and continued support! ❤💪💪💪❤
I like my privacy and my solitude but you know, there are narcissists out there who give you the cold shoulder for it. I’m not freezing tho. I’ve got shelter. I paid my electric and rent + 9000 other basic cost of living expenses which keep the poor poor. But my feet are warm. I mean, the narcissists tools of manipulation just don’t work on me anymore. Sorry not sorry. Hungry and suicidal. On edge 24/7. Want to be on my own, create art and fuck the patriarchy… Basic 101. Art was always meant to be political. Or rather anarchical and against the norm. HELLO, THAT’S ME!!! *waves*
Insomniac queen
Thanks for checking out my work and supporting independent writers and mental health warriors! 💖
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally! 😍
The no entry signs are posted still they stray I’ve stated there’s no hope yet they pray I’ve mentioned I am starving they won’t pay I need some time alone can’t get a day
Nosferatu but call me Vampyre D (Vampy D). And I prefer solitude.
Thanks for checking out and supporting my work! Everything I create is original content at @poeeternal.
Thanks for supporting independent writers and artists! ❤
You are an ocean sterile of courage The damage you forage Using me to build your forest All my love stowed in your storage You’re now a florist An apparition or permanent tourist Loving you will make one poorest Overgrown but rarely nourished Your cold hand is never furnished
My love – If words thee fail, you have two skies Please don’t let them close But should sleep forever cover your eyes Please leave me your prose
Walk slowly towards me please My heart exceeds light speeds When you are nearing infinity
Your lips come in seasons All at once Each syllable attached to luminance So much it haunts And dare I reason What each word wants?
I’m glad you are talking Like watching stars walking Stretching to infinity like they are something The twinkle in my eye you were hoping You’re the reason I am coping Your every moment I keep groping
She was an angel and he was a demon But he wanted her more than he wanted heaven
I want your breath as my nectar Dripping and sapping My tongue a collector Your favorite protector
You turn my knees to oceans My pleas to motions Sometimes so intense the notions I reach out in explosions Like SUPERNOVA the dosage
But it’s not enough I need more doses EXPANSION YET MOVING CLOSER You plow through me like a dozer But it’s not enough, I need another!! So set the clock for more exposure!
You turn me into a beast On your words I prey and feast Stay away or keep me leashed Say a prayer then call a priest Saw your face and pulse increased Heard your voice then pain decreased I love you most just not the least
My love, my horns have been blaring Double-daring, over-caring Our love I’m never sharing It won’t stop the world from staring
My love we are tethered to fate With a circle eight
We are the universe experiencing itself in poetic form I wasn’t alive until our love was born
My love, what will you do when the winds carry me to lands out of reach?
My spirit gliding past your dreams and hopes per chance for a final kiss?
What will hold your heart against the crush?
Don’t let it bury you, the rush.
Don’t let my love fade from your veins, for I will be resting between each beat.
Lifetimes of sleep.
You silence the war in my head.
Don’t fall dead.
I am still under your feet.
Even when I’m not there.
And the stars up there you see, you and me.
Do not let time callous our love.
Nor fear.
My love, I am still here.
Mistakes come plenty.
You are still the very best of me.
Breathe.
Taste me in the air, on your tongue, everywhere.
I care.
Let my dust blow in the wind.
I’m still under your skin.
Touch me.
Death cannot erase me.
I must travel with the stars.
Freely.
My love traveled 13 billion years to reach you.
Look how far.
Distance is but a scar.
My love, put the ache in a story and read it softly.
Speak aloud.
Let your vibrations break the cloud.
I am listening and I am proud.
My love, cry into our garden if you must.
I will be collecting your tears from heaven.
My eyes upon you and angels times seven.
Do not doubt.
The rains too will flood the sky.
It’s not goodbye.
That’ll never exist for you and I.
Oh hi, hello. It’s just me underneath all the digital editing. Fear nots! 🙂
Energy can’t be destroyed Iron gates can’t stop what God deployed A toxic giant void Overly paranoid Or just just ignored
They’re all for her Illogical Every single word I observe I’m just a neurotic girl He uses to rise and stir And I concur He wants forever Just in another world
I come But then I’m gone Lost on the run I understand But then I’m dumb I jump But then I’m stunned I speak Then tongue is wrung I won’t compete Unless I’ve won
All you ever care about is the life you built What is it but an island of guilt
You ripple the fabric of time Dropping poems like pebbles But who out there should feel each wave As if were all mine?
My love, I can’t block the fabric of time or my love for you. I’ve tried endlessly to. Cutting out the need like truth. I lie to do.
My love, I smell your fear and read it as silence. And while my hands are small they hold such violence. My light gets lost in your iris. But I would die for this.
Stop using me to bleed Cut you from my feed Amputate the need Your evil seed
Look at me all frail and pale A ghostly figure freckled with fright Look at all the shite I write It’s best if I stay out of sight
I block the channel But can’t stop the feed I numb existence Just not the need
Why do you give out your fruit To awful prey She’s dug a root You’re just her slave
I’ve had just about enough of this bandwagon Exiting stage right quickly to abandon Sick of watching other hearts you stuff and over fatten Meanwhile there’s a spotlight on every fault that’s ever happened
I’ve spent enough time following this circus To simply know this isn’t our purpose But your mask is her clown behind an ugly curtain And you’ll never change, this we know for certain
There’s a thick layer of doubt Enveloped over more doubt Hope is now in drought I’m lost en-route There’s no love about
He’s all beast in cardigan Lying every second if he can All over earth they span His name is man
I’ve got very fine silks growing from my head Still they call me dead
Leave me alone to rot Let hope decay Find my love an empty plot The cost too high to pay
You’re better than a pyramid scheme Riding piggyback over her every broken dream Her methods outdated and obscene She’s a copycat queen
I set myself apart Too many broken feet Trying to compete For the best of me I’m not meat For them to eat But they try and feast In a frenzy Still tied and chained To mistakes yet more they seek Well I’m not weak
You’re better than that wheel of fakery
Not your enemy Not your friend You got empathy Just not my hand
Not your ally Not your wife You got power But still cause strife
Not your favorite Not your worst You got popularity But I’m still first
Why are you still hanging out with that gang? Riding the fake ass gravy train Hopping bandwagon after bandwagon under her name She’s hoping for fame You’re missing your game
He’s got alot of money, he’ll even call you friend But he will only make you feel cheaper in the end He’s got alot of money, but not a spine for him to stand And I’ll kick his ass if he ever comes ’round here again
Safety ever an illusion Tiptoeing over delusion Frozen lakes of confusion This hand is for losin’
He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me with anyone else He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me
Tell me, when mountains crumble beneath your feet When you’ve got a tongue, but no breath to speak When your knees are trembling and you’ve fallen weak Is it ever me you think you need?
He won’t support me month after month for my work And he’s got more rooms than he can fill I’m tired of even trying When to the world I have no worth
I’m all nerve endings Pockets lined with anxiety
I am pen within pen Leaking under skin Bleeding from within Marching forward Chained to sin Our time is thin