‘Turn Me Blue’

Sometimes I experience words as if they are new
That’s what your written word can do
Pushing and pulling through and through
Take my breath, turn me blue
Subjunctive mood

Lay it out for me in lines
Penalized
Marginalized
Revised
By your red pen, I am chastised

Twisting and burning
Your pens always yearning
Speaking of truth as if you are learning
Replacing your mask while your lies keep turning
Every single day my anger is churning!!

Lines! Lines! The devil’s crossing, the way you’re talking!
The constant lusting, a poor man’s cursing
The way you haunt me
The nightly stalking
I can’t keep walking

I’m more than drunken babble
Jagged edges traveled
I’m more than all you saddle
Or the porn that’s on your channel

Stop pretending you’re something you’re not
The baggage you carry weighs alot
Still licking your mask for all that it’s got
Worried the truth simply might drop

I go from wanting to block him to wanting to fuck –
I go from ‘I hate him’ to “he’s my buck”…

Jagged edges
Overcrowded ledges
Falling into hedges
Deserted second pledges

Wishing things I haven’t
Rotten choices maggot
Fine tuning an old habit
Lessons always absent

Why do they always have to lay on me their personal conditions?
I want to muse not defuse the hourly emissions
Confessions, obsession, next the rejection
The highs, the lies, twice the objection
Undermining and poor correction
Next you know there’s more affection
Every step has got you guessing
But no one ever moves direction

From none to some
From some to none
From birth to young
From aged to numb

From luck to curse
To curse from luck
From fast to stuck
From good to suck

I’m still finding bones you buried
Death the only thing you married

I wasn’t around love and nurturing growing up
I was a petite girl beaten, I had it rough
My mother, my sister, my father’s, they all were tough
From blood to bruises, scruff was the stuff

The frog doesn’t know until it’s too late that the water is hot
People either loathe me or they love me alot
Maybe I’m formidable or maybe I’m not
Maybe you’re alive with a heart full of rot

He left but his silhouette remains
Life is quiet where shadow overstays
Not even a whisper asks if I’m okay

All you ever give me is your poorly drawn lines. I’ve heard this excuse now a million damn times.

Stop pretending my love is a crime
Stop telling others I’m not worth a dime
It seems you’ve laid integrity on the line
Darling, I’ll win every time

Lure her where light breaks
Offer her heartaches
Remind her of her mistakes

He made his bed though he wasn’t prepared
The road she was going he couldn’t care
It seems her worries wasn’t shared
Or maybe underneath the hiding, a boy was scared

I left you like a ton of bricks crumbling

My rearview shows the void
A boy devoid
Self-worth destroyed
There’s nothing to avoid

Tear me down
Disassemble words ticking
Fingers clicking
People bitching
Darkness my gown

Sales we’re pitching
Endless ditching
Wounds we’re stitching
Anger itching
Another smiling clown

Dreams still wishing
Lies keep twisting
Sorrows non-fixing
Love went missing
Watch me drown

I can go but the only thing it’ll prove is that I’m gone…

If only forgiveness were a page to turn
All these hills are mistakes I’ve run
And I cannot change the things I’ve done

Got my enemies watching with a telescope
You say you hate me but you know I’m dope
I see you clinging to my every hope
You pray I’m drowning tho God is my boat

Spoken word coming soon to my Twitch TV! Watch this space!

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