Too Calm (journal log)

I’m told I’ll be getting a renewal invite to remain at the heart of darkness.

It’s been nearly one year since that couple was gutted in the street – by a black immigrant – simply because they were “white” – and now they’re dead – and he gets 3 meals a day, a free roof over his head, dental, and an HOUR of sunshine for his MENTAL HEALTH – on us (the tax slave payers dollars = time/energy)

The political thugs in gold chains now want your signature – soliciting anywhere they legally can: the library, the mall, the medicinal shops.


I don’t know where I’m going – but I don’t have to prove anything to “remain here” as I’ve been stuck in purgatory so long now – I don’t have to provide any evidence of my existence.

Just keep paying the rent….

Do as say

But I yelled at the boomer Publix employee, “no bitch, you lost a fucking customer FOREVERRrrr”

Apparently we became a cashless society and she felt the need to rub it in, three times, scolding me in front of everyone around, my cash in hand, unable to pay.

“It says it right there” (honestly, you only need to point out my failure ONCE)

I’ve boycotted Publix forever

There’s poison and sugar and “natural flavor” in everything now anyway

“How did she die”

“Starved to death…”

“White people work out one time and be skinny” (latest neighborhood report on me)

The upside: they think I’ve only worked out once. Skinny. Weak bitch.

Let that be my fucking gain

In fact, at Burger King yesterday, the Mexican manager came out with two of her BLM pimps, when I told her to “step outside”

He was very upset when he heard me say, “oh you had to bring your pimps with you huh”

Very upset he got

Truth in fact hurts

I drove off too calm

The adrenal glands were not working

Even pulling off

“I’m too calm”

“Had to bring your pimps huh” I continue to yell, as traffic at the window was at a stop

They gonna run off all their white costumers with their terrible service

I ordered the “impossible king” and apparently that’s too complicated for certain species to get right

Though I repeated my order THREE times

Fuck it

I like starving anyway

I got my library card tho

And holyshit, that’s where I’ll be at the end of the world

Check the libraries

Leave clues a 5 year old could solve (anything harder and I’ll read the data wrong and wind up stuck in a fucking hole – as is now – with a heart condition – thanks to “television” and government – whom I no longer listen to in any capacity)

At least the library is ad free

I can read in silence

Love the smell of the old books

All them lies

There are perks to not being homeless (yet)

Aside from the thugs trying to solicit my signature in the parking lot – everywhere I go

In their gold chains…

I wanna puke

Stop talking to me

From now on

When someone interrupts whatever I’m doing solo

“Did I give you permission to talk to me”

And the ghosting will begin

And please cross my shadow

I know you’re trying so hard to break me out here

Of being a good Soldier, a good soul

But I swore my hand before the flag and God – and on my heart – and signed the dotted line – took my blood and all – to protect and defend the USA and its citizens – not DEMONS

And right now you stepping all up in the “fine print”

I dated for a lifetime and have nothing to show for it


I’m ready to spit on these thug politicians in the street


You can’t have my signature, my name, or my soul

Go back to your porn and prostitutes

I was trying to enjoy the jazz event – and men breaking their eyeballs to get a look


I had to hold back the tears

Pretend the music was getting to me

Next week I hang with a cop who teaches about a Daytona Beach serial killer

Exciting! They want us living in fear!

Do I want to say yes to the “true encounters Daytona Beach serial killer” event. Yes I do.

I’m not even a jazz fan – but I went – and enjoyed (still cry anywhere)

The audiobook helped me not stalk anyone

But apparently I’m not allowed to order food anymore anywhere

Unless a yuppie place

I found something that sparked joy in me

It matches my values – it offers self-improvement and the entertainment is how it should be – without disruptions or ads

Easy scrolling interface

Eventually I’ll make my way to the science museum

The skate park and rinks

I checked out an express book

I’m 8 chapters in

I’m becoming present – and creating boundaries and discipline

My mind needs exercise – the books provide

The 2 week express lane gives me a challenge

You can’t renew those

I got my library card and it’s bringing me happies – can’t describe

So much to do too – free classes, movies at the auditorium, events…

I was also the youngest person at the jazz event

If you’re thinking about killing yourself – maybe get a library card instead

And be present

Read what you check out

Set time aside to read

Luckily – my first book was large print – that’s made reading a pleasure – no headaches or squinting – though the writer is a pedo – he’s brilliant – it’s no wonder I grabbed his book – of all books on the “new” shelf (express check out and no renewal)

I like all the digital perks that come with my card – as well as the real world perks – and I’m tapping into all


But these monsters are ready for me to shed my light

I’m too calm…

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