You won’t move an inch if you keep standing still You won’t reach the top from the bottom of a hill You’ve been running in circles just to get a refill You’ve been drinking the bottle but you got love to kill
It did that thang where it published into a draft 👀
Proof I’m stuck in an alternate timeline
So I know that I haven’t told you I loved you in a long time but that’s because I’ve been learning how to hate you but the love spans light-years and you can’t destroy energy 👀
I mean love, you can’t destroy love…
I love you even though you didn’t wish me a happy birthday again
What happened to you, why did you leave? The ocean fills with tears I grieve, I searched for you ’til I found void, I fell for you ‘cuz I’m not poised!
It feels weird to use full on punctuation in my poetry but one of the main reasons I stopped doing it was because someone from another country said it doesn’t translate well in a translator with punctuation and I took that whole heartedly into consideration, secondly poetry is supposed to be freeform and I like to just not use rules because there seems to be a lot of rules for there to not be any… (gaslighting is everywhere huh)
Do you like me underneath the filter? Or when my self-esteem is low, that I’m breaking every mirror? Is my age something you consider? Do you know it makes me bitter?
Do you know I am a sinner? Or my life is growing thinner? How I’m like an over-thinker? And you got me by the finger?
Hello. Who are you? Do you even know I taunt you? Do you know I exist?
Why did my brain send a signal light-years fast to my heart, when I discovered you? And every picture that followed? Why did I die a million deaths too?
And now I live vicariously through you. Agonizing over every detail. Some days I’m certain you are him.
Other days, there are blaring differences that you’re not.
Do I need him to be you? His habits and obsessions too? They are the same true?
Why haven’t I let you go if I know you are not him?
How can I be so sure and uncertain?
And there’s even a third I’ve turned into him.
Or maybe one or two? 🤔
If they are all him then you are him too?
But why did I have such a strong connection to an avatar?
I guess I wanted to tell you that maybe now I realize you’re not him but I still have doubt.
Or, I can’t discard the signals?
That I had when looking at you.
Immediately.
Spotted.
But you don’t like me knowing that and neither does he.
You don’t want me to know that you like her?
But neither does he…
Then there’s the reds and the blues (and I have a head injury too).
My taunting wasn’t malice more like letting you know I was aware of your existence but I don’t even know if you know I am aware of your existence?
They all feel like one.
I’m losing my mind? 🤕
I long for you.
Or him.
The only thing I’m certain of these days is that I’m losing my mind and I don’t wanna die on the street.
And so far, fantasy beats reality.
Because reality is dying naked on the street, out me mind. Unless running into his arms.
I’m so capable of slipping into that madness.
Can I slip into you instead?
Or vice versa?
Can meet on the Moon?
Before I dies?
Do you visit my blog?
Will you even read this?
Am I even alive?
I’m shriveling up into nonexistence
I currently wrote this running a mild fever but I needed to get it out before I fucking die.
Guess I’ll still be loving you even when I’m dead.
From dudes ghosting me to trying to kidnap me off the street- I just ain’t feeling right…
Know what I mean?
You ever have some guy wait for you to come out of the store and then exit their vehicle and chase you down the sidewalk and then not take two no’s for an answer?
He actually went “hmmm” and started looking around the parking lot.
This is after I’ve told a stranger no TWICE that I did not want to go for a ride with him.
He still hadn’t left.
Now he’s going “hmmm” and his eyes are scanning the front door and parking lot.
He then looks back at me and my facial expression read: is this the part you now grab me and I fight back
He said “alright” despairingly and left. Finally. But it was the longest seconds of my life. Too many seconds after the second no was issued. Too many.
I spent the next 20 minutes or an hour believing he was following me and wouldn’t drive any route home.
I have not recovered.
You ever have a guy wait for you to leave the store, exit his vehicle, run down the sidewalk, and not take no for an answer?
And then watch him scope out in contemplate if he’s going to take you or not?
In broad daylight?
I don’t like getting out. It’s too dangerous being this dainty and cute.
I need a bodyguard. Hence, I’m packing weight soon.
Know what I mean?
I got a girl you want to meet her? Her name is 9 millimeter…
It’s full on blues in my head. Another freestyle. Welp.
Butt is getting firm. Hair is getting long. Progress is slow is progress. Spiral out, keep going… 🙂 This ass has lived all over the world and 1984 is now.
America is becoming more and more a Hitler state and I’m stepping out of politics right now.
Stay woke
Tons of sexy photos and videos on my OnlyFans if you are bored and I loaded a super hot set just this hump day!!
This way to sorrow This way to despair This way to desolation This way to nobody cares
Was that your shadow leaping over my dream? What were you thinking while abandoning me?
The system is rigged everywhere Just leave me where I fell
The world is a drainpipe There’s not enough pills to gaslight It’s a battlehill And you make me ill
Was your vein not thick with poison Blood curdled and coagulated I pulled out every thorn Your heart turned into a floodgate
I need 1 sun-moon cycle where I’m not disturbed 24 hours of peace preferred
How easy he would come to me But what would he find? Scars and bits of broken pieces Unfiltered creases The ugly kind?
I don’t care about your joyrides Or do I?
What will I be known for? How I died? Suicide? But never the reasons for why I cried?
Dear Mother,
You only taught me how to suffer
Didn’t I write words of worth When you were nothing more than a speck of dust When any sun would bring you dirt I took the pain and made it work When all the world thought you a jerk I drank the blood and made you smirk When you were nothing on this on this earth I turned your no into a must
Drowning on rage Too much air in this cage
Warning signs were posted I suppose they go ignored He was a Japanese suicide forest And hope unexplored
How much times passes while you collate? Working around the second hand What kills the ache? Was it your best move? Or the worse you’ll ever make?
Harvest my disgust It’s fully ripened Polish off the dust You’ll find a diamond
For those inquiring, it is a pink crystal, with energetic healing properties. Specifically, a rose quartz. I have various stones and crystals I use for meditation. What do you do to center?
I write about the light alot. But that’s what we really are, star stuff. Some of us collapsing inwards, stealing the gravity of others, until turning into a black hole, and eating any hope or light that is left. And, out of contempt, any other light that gets near. How dare we disturb its darkness, with our piercing, blinding light. Truth hurts.
Oh, I need you. Don’t kill the light. Can’t breathe. Sun = light = oxygen & iron= Life.
In the dark. Spiraling out of control. Orbit’s unstable. Earthquakes are mood swings. Core is splitting in two.
No matter what step I take, it’s always the wrong one.
I never had a proper upbringing, I guess I won’t have a fucking honorable death either will I?
I’d be lucky to have 7 people attend my funeral (like dear Edgar A. Poe) and I guarantee 5 of em’ will be my enemies there to celebrate my death and piss on me.
It’s a good thing I’m going to fucking drown myself in the sea.
Problem solved. And 1 mysterious death in bound.
Checkmate.
This time, I AM GHOSTING YOU.
Scouting an old cemetery in Florida yesterdayWent exploring an old cemetery yesterday in an attempt to do an upcoming cosplay shoot. It took my dad dying for me to learn that not everybody gets a tomb or a grave. 👍
I’m going through some heavy shit right now (alone and during a pandemic) so if you’re out there punishing me… 👎👎
It’s not even called a cemetery, it’s called a mount (a hill). I walked up that mount yesterday looking at tombs that have been destroyed with time and hurricanes, some abandoned and others well kept.
I don’t know why I assumed that everyone got a tomb when they died, but they don’t. Ash become many in the wind.
I still have a lot to learn about death. Realizing my dad wasn’t going to get a tomb after how he died was a big fucking light bulb.
My dad had been dead for days before he was found and you don’t know what that sort of information does to a human being.
And then reading how Edgar Allan Poe’s families just tossed him in an unmarked grave in a fucking box ho ho ho.
So life sucks. Dying sucks. And death sucks too.
When I was a kid me and my grandmother would travel around and visit different cemeteries and look at the tombs, seeing entire famalies buried on the same day, and imaging how they must have died. Sometimes she would catch me in the hole of where someone had been buried but was moved due to racism and segregation which still occurs in Mississippi. She thought it weird but I liked the smell. I still like to wander cemeteries though, reading the tombs and visiting the dead.
But it seems being buried is for the rich. And eventually Earth isn’t even going to exist. It does my mind in.
You’re a slave, Neo.
I don’t have anybody to love me while I’m alive so why can I assume that there will be anybody to love me when I’m dead…
I don’t know if I can endure another X amount of years of existence being invisible or soley alive to pay bills and be nothing more than a toy or sex object.
If you’d like to help support this blog or my creativity, and get exclusive perks in return, I’m on Patreon (all ages) & OnlyFans (18+)! My LinkTree will take you places: https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
Take the air from where I breathe He will never notice me
There you go again Breaking my heart For just a thrill It’s overkill
A thousand times over You have made your point And I know I am never what you sought Though lurking I am aching where you haunt Through searching Though every tear was bought
Age of despair But like an ember I flare him up Because I care And I’ve no defense From getting burned everywhere
I was in alliance with ineptitude
Love is like the beginning and the end. Alpha omega. I love you. I’ll kill you. But I love you forever.
You look like you are dying Bu you are already dead
As above, so below My aura is here to glow
This great depression.
There will be no headstone No grave From life to dust I’m not okay (RIP daddy)
Where are you? In every molecule? The early morning dew? The air I breathe on lonely avenue?
Where are you? If not but in every dream I dream? Clinging to the in-between? Wondering if I can be seen?
All God is woe.
My bed is overrated.
I don’t know where to begin so I’d rather not start at all…
Where have the best years of my life gone
At 26,000 light-years away, it’s the closest we’ve ever been- And if regret is a singularity, it’s finally creeping in (re: black hole)
I got cigarette burns on my skin Black holes where he’s been There’s cold creeping in A hundred reasons why I sin
You’re just her whipping boy You’re a tool You want to be her toy You’re a fool
I know not what holds him here I am a dry sponge, brittle The way time taunts me Like I am little
Give me a veil Let’s rest in hell
I got secrets that would disown me The way he’s unholy Still that’s my only
I wish Sagittarius A* would put on his parking breaks Throw me into another galaxy if that’s what it takes
I am a living statue To darkness, his bride (Well that’s a lie) Still isn’t he by my side?
It’s so dark on the inside Maybe why I cry
Banned under the same sunbeam From things I’ve seen Those things I’ve seen are haunting me
Take away the ray Take away the ray It’s burning
Chained to existence Wishing I didn’t remember you That’s coming too I won’t remember who
My eyes are sunspots Turning grey From things you say
Married to hopelessness Decay Mourning Sorrow Despair Isolation Loneliness Quantum confusion Heartache Wilderness Wonder Beauty Longing Truthfulness Purity Humanity All entities The air we breathe The hope we seek The light we keep
She built an empire on a pyramid scheme. She’s an evil queen.
The world can burn for all I care.
Sometimes Even under soft moons Or enduring high noons There will be casualties of war
And even when I face doom And circling is his tomb I believe there is love within his core
He’s been charged with possession of stolen property; my heart.
In the beginning there was nothingness. Now in the end, nothing is.
The only lines I cross are rhyme.
You are the cold emptiness of space Absolute zero You are the reason I lay in waste You’re not a hero
Come to me By frothy sea Shine your light I fancy thee
I was born into confusion Believe this, believe that It’s all delusion Best theory or illusion
I’m so much better than that flock of shit you summon Your mouth is the opposite direction I am running Your lies only come by the dozen You can knock but you can’t come in The darkness covers all but it’s my coven You ain’t welcome here again
You fool How desolate and awkward your thoughts lead you Rising plumes of gloom And I an idiot more To watch how hope you consume Bereft of pulse A necrophiliac You lifted pen then I had life But then you call creation strife But I died again after witnessing your child and wife
I’m a rib from your side A curse like Dracula’s bride Or Bonnie and Clyde I drink your love like cyanide Mixed with hope and rhyme
I am a dead sea A red sea A bad seed Devolving Unsolving Dead, see?
Death do us part
I’m tired of defending my actions against your lies From sunup to sundown I am wise I can see clearly with these eyes You can’t erase these cries
Loving him is a sentence to death row.
Why does my love always cause destructive tidal waves?
Did you know mountains were resting on your shoulder named envy? You let me crash on your soul in frenzy I’m dizzy Did you not need me?
Did you know moons were glowing with envy? Heartache cost not a penny But I got plenty If you need any?
Distance is The love we keep And even further The solution we seek
Life’s a waiting room Give my wound a womb Erase the moon Erect my tomb You are full doom
Now I owe you nothing Soul paid I’m reduced to hurting
Oh! What heavens I could reach with your arms!
Did you know when I look up I find you stargazing into my soul You know where every prayer goes
Dear Edgar, I can’t live without my love either But he is lost in the ether I can’t reach him neither
Edges of time his mind I go missing every time His rhyme Holding me to crime His line Wishing on a dime
Not everyone is created equal Like the ones who pull out fast then take it slow Those aren’t my kind of people
Sometimes, I climb into the ether where we met Heaven is risky but I took the step You feel like eternity in an instance Gotta keep our distance
A tired but clean peach. I recently started a new workout routine and you can watch my progress on Instagram. See the uncensored photos on my OF. I’ve just introduced nude digiart on my OF! I’m still in the top 50 so thank you! 💞
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting Independent artist!
Decided to write a poem without the similes but then it felt naked so I had to put one in. 😇
I thought Dracul loved Mina. Where’s my big love? 😤😤😤
*sobs*
My tears are burning
😭😭😭 helps 😭😭😭
Oh, I just wrote this. But the way my brain is deteriorating, it surprises me I can write at all.
Well maybe when the day comes that I forget my name that I’ll finally remember yours.
Don’t fall in love with a devil 😭
It’s purgatory 😭😭😭
But now I know why Edgar Allan Poe died on the street, nakid, possibly poisoned, broke, heartbrokes, likely depressed and drunk. And he served 2 years in the military, he didn’t deserve a death like that. That was not an honorable death. Welp. He better have a statue out there or I’m gonna have an effing fit. But whatev. Asteroid Apophis is on her way. End times will come for all.
Gonna die unloved.
Not everyone winds up with a burial plot. For many, they become dust in the sand. And it takes an extreme amount of heat to burn a body. Extreme to turn bones to dust.
Not all the messages in my inbox say “fuck you”. Some DM’s are pretty good too.
Thought I’d take a break from the negativity and reflect on that.
I got some fans out there. They’re not all enemies.
Not everybody wants me to die.
FYI.
Got news about how my dad died today. My dad wasn’t in the best health but the COD was natural/ atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease (so likely heart attack or stroke).
We are still dealing with legal matters, I’m mourning (he died last month in December).
I’m hoping I can get a workout in today and tomorrow and Sunday so I don’t feel like I’ve lost an entire fucking week but like it’s been a rough one.
I hate being depressed and I don’t get people who are depressed who actually have energy, I think those people are just discontent or bored with their life. That isn’t depression. If you can run a marathon, you aren’t depressed honey. Fatigue is the number one symptom. Welp. And crying. And thoughts of dying. The thought of checking the mail is like climbing Mount Everest.
I’m not lazy, I’m depressed. Where is my 6 foot hole so I can crawl into it. But could you put a heating pad down there cuz the Earth is kind of cold? And some Pink Floyd tunes?
I haven’t actually been listening to a lot of music. Or playing my guitar. But I stare at my guitar daily and I won’t put it in its guitar case because I’m hoping that I’ll play it if it’s out and I’ll even try to convince myself that I want to play my guitar but like the energy just isn’t there and there’s no joy or desire for anything.
Tacos. I desire tacos.
And a foot slave. So, I’m going to be bringing some foot fetish stuff to my onlyfans as well as some nude digiart because I love making digiart but have never actually done nude digi art of myself so I got some new OF goals. I am still planning that big vampire cosplay shoot for my OF too.
Can’t rush the art but time is of the essence…
I’m really excited about making some kinky Foot videos.
I have the cutest little feet and now they have a purpose!
I also have a shoe fetish! I love buying shoes but I prefer being barefoot it’s a conundrum I know but now my shoes have a fucking purpose too especially in this quarantine where I can’t do anything with them!!
I’m not really interested in making like Tik Tok videos of me changing my outfits.
And I tried to go live on Twitch via my computer and the audio is all kinds of messed up and I don’t know why.
So, I’ll be attempting to do an Instagram livestream where I read some of my top poetry from my website.
I haven’t started hooping yet either and I’m kind of bummed about that.
I’ll try to keep making baby steps towards everything I want to do because I’ve been mourning pretty bad behind-the-scenes.
But I’m feeling so overwhelmed like I need to take two or three days to just not do anything at all.
I’m dealing with a lot of chemical imbalances in my body.
Hormones.
I’m moody. Edgy.
Is it normal to be this edgy after losing a parent? Me and my dad were pretty close but we also had a pretty rocky relationship.
It hadn’t really been rocky though, I mean since I was a kid honestly.
I just saw him not even 2 years ago for my birthday. But somewhere in between that time and him dying I got mad at him and pushed him away like I’ve done everybody else.
I had actually been contemplating emailing him for his birthday but he died just a few days before his birthday so I didn’t get a chance to make it right.
I still believe that 6 minute rare rainbow event was my dad saying goodbye. He was one hell of a B3 organ player, played guitar, sang. Gigging was his life. I got to see his final gig. His “great gig in the sky”. He loved Pink Floyd near as much as me. And I could play Pink Floyd as much as I wanted around my dad which is cool because parents and kids usually don’t listen to the same music so.
Sorry to put all this on you, I usually put it on my therapist.
Or, to the next person who wants to step on my precious fucking feet.
Welp. I am small but mighty. Like Napoleon (although I think I’m taller than he was). That’s a weird fact to remember about someone, so I had to go Google it just to see and it says he was 5’6″, which means we were actually the exact height. But, I am taller in boots and heels, to be fair.
Awe shit, and he’s a leo! No wonder I like him lol. Was he banned from France? What did he do? I can’t remember off hand!!
Has anyone ever been banned from your country? Or here in America? I don’t recall. It might be a blessing to get banned now. KIDDING. JOKES.
Isn’t New Zealand covid free or something? How do you get banned from a country? What country takes you in? What in the actual fuck. Could you imagine being banned from the planet? You’re no longer allowed on Earth, you’re going to Mars. Well fuck, when are we leaving?
Speaking of Mars, got my NASA boarding pass for the upcoming Mars landing!
My official boarding pass for the upcoming rover landing to Mars. It’s also nice that we’re starting to have more successes landing on Mars than we are failures. Which might account for the planned manned missions. Woit. Gotta stay alive for this. Right? This is the kind of roses that makes me really excited. Lifeeeee universe nerdy things 😍
Y’all know, I actually DID apply to live on Mars with Mars One in 2013 and there were over 200,000 people who applied and not only did I get a call back but I made it all the way into round 2 I made it through all of my medical examinations until I dropped out for personal reasons. But, Mars y’all. Mars. It’s a love of mine. And I did lots of interviews when I was in the running! I was actually a candidate to live on Mars. I had folks laughing til they saw me on the news and in the paper and then my command sergeant major said his son was interested in going too! But in uniform at the Golden Corral when he first learned about the Mars thing, he kept looking at me from across the table saying “you’re going to die Ross, you’re going to die, they don’t have food on Mars”. He knows how much I love food and let’s be honest he didn’t want to lose one of his best soldiers. But after his son learned about it, and they saw me on the news, he was quite proud of me. 😊 He even brought a little clip from a newspaper he found of me mentioned. I’m sure it’s buried around here somewhere with all my awards and medals that would take up probably an entire wall or more.
And feel free to stalk my old Facebook Mars One Candidate page, it’ll have all sorts of links and videos. Hope shit still works. I’m ancient. LOL https://m.facebook.com/deliatomars/
I deployed to Kuwait and Iraq (not Afghanistan) but it was a pretty fun interview!! Just wish I hadn’t invited my evil ex along but at least they spelled his name wrong *evil laugh* https://youtu.be/yupJHGGuMU0
And it’s not true about stuff being on the internet forever because I lost stuff. Important stuffs. That I believed would be around forever…
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Have you ever felt the cold night move over you like fog Like lace covered in unholy smog You’re not the boy at all I thought You’re not the hope that I had sought
The Great Expansion The Great Divide The Great Unearthing All I despise
From written word to analog Or being threatened to back off Then having no dialogue I guess I’ve been miscataloged
How will you remember me when I’m 13 billion light-years from you? Look at all the darkness I’m peering through. Now the light is fleeing too. The great expanse of all you do.
The pandemic is getting worse. So too my depression, hopelessness, anxiety, isolation, paranoia. Got the psyche on redial. Just gonna keep writing. Dying. Feel every fucking second like a cross.
Why do you block the tide from receding? Was it not the love you were needing? Did creatures not evolve from the bleeding? Every hour you appeared for the feeding?
Why do you not place repentance on my altar? Why am I barely head above water? Feeling my existence ever growing smaller You want her to feel taller?
Hi. Some have asked about my activity (or lack thereof). My dad died. I still don’t know the cause of death and there’s legal matters still to attend.
Today is his birthday and I want to celebrate life.
A smile is all I can do.
When I surface for air, and see my blog readers, my followers, my patrons and my subs, it invites me to keep going. But, I gotta deep dive a bit longer. And I appreciate the life support I do.
If you could keep your fingertips on me a bit longer, I fancy the stars and the moon (also helps keep me from drowning).
I paused my Patreon campaign for the month of December, my patrons will not be charged.
I’m posting some photos and videos on my OnlyFans but I have not been in a mood to write.
Thank you for your understanding while I take some time for myself to reflect on the meaning of life.
But also while I deal with life. I am facing things in life I never considered or prepared for.
Like my dads last words to me via his will and testament.
I am still awaiting the arrival of that plus news of his autopsy report. 😭
I just need time to not do anything. And not doing anything still consists of having to take care of my pets and bathe and eat and it’s about all I can muster right now.
My last conversation with my dad was an angry one and I didn’t even give him an opportunity to respond.
I have that cross to bear as well.
I’m going through some shit right now.
The only thing I need right now is time.
Time to cry.
Time to breathe.
Time to grieve.
Time to be.
But, some people use this time to kick me while I’m down. I see you. I read your slights.
I see everything which is generally why I like to be alone.
I’ll get back to writing and creating artsy videos and vampire cosplay soon, it’s what I do. I’m a content creating machine.
2021 is a year of transformation for me, that’s the good ole’ plan anyway. More tattoos, more piercings, more newds. Getting a new wardrobe too.
I’m gonna be hella active, I hope you stick around. I got big plans for my Patreon and my OF.
My blog is my lifeline. Not gonna quit writing anytime soon. Sometimes just need to bury my head in the sand.
Which is a better option than drowning myself in the ocean because we get a thousand pound Great White visitor from Australia that visits us here. I’m sure I’d be a tasty treat.
I don’t get in the ocean because there are fish in there with teeth bigger than me. 👀
I’m petite. 👀
(But also vampire daylight sun gross)
If you need more of me though, there’s currently over 280 photos, 75 videos, and lots of love on my OnlyFans! 💋
I’m coming up with more ways to reward you for your love. Give love, get love. And I’m behind on writing (per my own standards) but life happens and currently life.
I still have bills to pay and food to eat so your support is helping another human exist. It all goes back into the art. It nurtures my soul. I miss you too.
You can come lie in the dark with me if you want. But the gravity will make you cry.
An ocean of longing and salt linesTears are translucentStill need you tho I waded out too far
I love u. What’s a girl to do? Been crying for the one since I was like ten. Cuz life is shite. But it’s like we’re world’s apart. 💔
I’m in the deep end and I’m caught in the tide!!! 😰Trying to learn how to live and breathe without you. Not doing a very good job 😭An ocean of sadness. The end is all inside us.
The lie it grew and grew and grew I knew I fell from heaven on the truth Got stuck like glue On every lie because of you Oh, it hurts so much too From empty bottle to fully blue Hell mistook me for a fool
Your prayer dropped a clue You envy youth Now away it flew Leaving you with tooth How they accrue Still every mask I cut through It’s time I withdrew
Spent the night soiling the earth with tears begging the almighty to let me see what I need so I could be free. Didn’t understand the lesson that be. Crying to God, you can lead a demon to holy water, but you cannot make him drink!!!
Nearly drowning from all that makes me bleed. Suffocating on the very air that we breathe. He gave me new eyes to see. Your soul is empty. God cut me free (now whose lying).
The truth hurts worse than the lieTelling lies to myself. That’s not you. It’s someone else. It’s his brother. I’m crazy! Seeing what I wanna! I seem to like you no matter who you are. Which makes me not like you very much!! 😭😰😭I wish I could believe my own lie when I say I don’t love you.The truth hurts worse than the lie. Oh, God forgive me! I still love you, I do! 💔Cursed like Mina Tepes to always love you. 💔
Sidenote: I’ve been in some sort of weird rhyme scheme where I limit my vocabulary even more than I normally do when rhyming. I don’t rhyme just to rhyme, that’s where people fall flat. There’s probably a name for what I’m doing but brain damage. Losing my mind. I see way more than I want to see with my third eye and I’ve never been so fucking depressed or lonely in my life and it’s not that I don’t like my own company because I do – that’s why I’m isolated. I’m growing ever more suicidal and out of fucks to give. But doing the rhyme scheme like I did above, that shit is hard, yo.
I was also at a place where I was worried about using the same words that I had already used before and then I decided to just let that go.
I’ll probably be jumping off the Eiffel fucking Tower reciting some last words you know. Eh. CR CR CRAZZZY out of fucks to give.
Words are the only thing left holding me together.
Oh, you thought that was just a line?
The only thing I’m staying alive for at this point is the Matrix 4. And maybe another hug from Gavin Rossdale cuz he’s like my fountain of youth. I sniffed his neck once, I’m so fucking weird!!!! I think I wanted a bite 😩
I’m sure he’d like that but not while he’s singing to thousands of people!
Then again, this is me. I could get away with murder just with my smile. 😊
I am 1000% insane crazy because I’m literally in love with dracul even tho he’s a fucking monster. Rip my fucking heart out. At least Mina got laid!!!!! She died by suicide, FYI!!!
SHE WAS REAL!!!! *laughs insanely*
Dracul is still very much feared in his land. I wanted to get married in Transylvania or there about.
Love isn’t real, is it? You never really loved me.
No matter how many times I slam closed the doors of communication He’ll be on the other side waiting Anticipating apology and thorough aching My overall frustration for misbehaving
His back my entire foundation My heart his home base station Tossing apologies in the fire for cremation I’m his favorite creation
My OnlyFans account deletion has been stopped, as I’ve decided to stay there. I’m not sure when people will be able to re-subscribe again (it’s pending reactivation) but I know you can follow me there until. And thank you for your patience with me as I grow as a writer and artist. And human being overall. 🙂
He knows I’m sorry. But I don’t know if I could ever face him and say it. And if I ever did find the courage to face him again and say it, he’d just throw it away immediately.
So the good news is he didn’t block me. He still doesn’t know I exist. Like one of them soldiers standing guard for the queen. Solid as stone. Hardened? Hates me? Maybe I’m just the ghost haunting him. Oh noes, helps. *sobs* 😭😭😭
Uhm, thanks for still finding value in me even though I can be a depressed, emo, isolated little bitch, who pushes everyone away and crucifies the one I love the most.
I’m deeply sorry. But I don’t know how to say it anymore. There’s a good chance it’ll happen again but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorrys.
The person responsible for the stones and sacrifices. Blood vials and hungry vices. Wrong directions cost ultimate prices. Smiling. Our safest lying devices. The sanity will drive you insane. Thanks for another lesson daddy Poe.
It’s a weird place to be Not with, not without But if you drift into the big sleep I would stop existing It’s without a doubt Like leaving the galaxy I couldn’t breathe So I shout How could you leave? Abandon me? You’re all I need
I love you in any realm, all over Earth, and this town. When I’m up or down, sideways, or stuck in a frown. From east to north, and all around. From the dawn of creation, down to your noun. You overwhelm. But I am bound. Circling and circle proud. Pulling eights from the cloud. I say it loud. Unroll it, light the ground. For life is better, where you are found.
If only forgiveness were easy asked and demons were sleeping
How many ways can you spell I love you? Are you tired of hearing it yet? Does the universe give you any signs? Are you awake, are you alive? Are you listening?
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Awoke before sunrise, far below the clouds Lost hope before his eyes, fell below the crowds I stopped to smell his lies, now I’m seeking shrouds Though somnolent were his cries, now his pain enshrouds
I wish I could get some sleep. I guess I will when I die.
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Energy can’t be destroyed Iron gates can’t stop what God deployed A toxic giant void Overly paranoid Or just just ignored
They’re all for her Illogical Every single word I observe I’m just a neurotic girl He uses to rise and stir And I concur He wants forever Just in another world
I come But then I’m gone Lost on the run I understand But then I’m dumb I jump But then I’m stunned I speak Then tongue is wrung I won’t compete Unless I’ve won
All you ever care about is the life you built What is it but an island of guilt
You ripple the fabric of time Dropping poems like pebbles But who out there should feel each wave As if were all mine?
My love, I can’t block the fabric of time or my love for you. I’ve tried endlessly to. Cutting out the need like truth. I lie to do.
My love, I smell your fear and read it as silence. And while my hands are small they hold such violence. My light gets lost in your iris. But I would die for this.
Stop using me to bleed Cut you from my feed Amputate the need Your evil seed
Look at me all frail and pale A ghostly figure freckled with fright Look at all the shite I write It’s best if I stay out of sight
I block the channel But can’t stop the feed I numb existence Just not the need
Why do you give out your fruit To awful prey She’s dug a root You’re just her slave
I’ve had just about enough of this bandwagon Exiting stage right quickly to abandon Sick of watching other hearts you stuff and over fatten Meanwhile there’s a spotlight on every fault that’s ever happened
I’ve spent enough time following this circus To simply know this isn’t our purpose But your mask is her clown behind an ugly curtain And you’ll never change, this we know for certain
There’s a thick layer of doubt Enveloped over more doubt Hope is now in drought I’m lost en-route There’s no love about
He’s all beast in cardigan Lying every second if he can All over earth they span His name is man
I’ve got very fine silks growing from my head Still they call me dead
Leave me alone to rot Let hope decay Find my love an empty plot The cost too high to pay
You’re better than a pyramid scheme Riding piggyback over her every broken dream Her methods outdated and obscene She’s a copycat queen
I set myself apart Too many broken feet Trying to compete For the best of me I’m not meat For them to eat But they try and feast In a frenzy Still tied and chained To mistakes yet more they seek Well I’m not weak
You’re better than that wheel of fakery
Not your enemy Not your friend You got empathy Just not my hand
Not your ally Not your wife You got power But still cause strife
Not your favorite Not your worst You got popularity But I’m still first
Why are you still hanging out with that gang? Riding the fake ass gravy train Hopping bandwagon after bandwagon under her name She’s hoping for fame You’re missing your game
He’s got alot of money, he’ll even call you friend But he will only make you feel cheaper in the end He’s got alot of money, but not a spine for him to stand And I’ll kick his ass if he ever comes ’round here again
Safety ever an illusion Tiptoeing over delusion Frozen lakes of confusion This hand is for losin’
He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me with anyone else He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me
Tell me, when mountains crumble beneath your feet When you’ve got a tongue, but no breath to speak When your knees are trembling and you’ve fallen weak Is it ever me you think you need?
He won’t support me month after month for my work And he’s got more rooms than he can fill I’m tired of even trying When to the world I have no worth
I’m all nerve endings Pockets lined with anxiety
I am pen within pen Leaking under skin Bleeding from within Marching forward Chained to sin Our time is thin
Do you recall When you were lost In purgatory of the loss So numb in the dark No light or a spark How much I cared?
If you remember I held your crown I took your cross Through the desert and across All your sins at no costs Though your pain has been shared
If you flush your eyes Stop looking down Where your heart knows holocaust Clear the fog and the frost Find your soul where I’m embossed And stop asking where
Surrounded by howling winds Heavy rains as regret Your dreams as my silhouette Your sins as my sins
Been resting with the lights on Not getting any sleep though Living in a hostile zone Better approach me slow
Your hand may be cold but you woke me from the dead Your whisper I can’t hear but your words live in my head
Push them away I do Then seal the door shut with a nail or two Not made for you
Still they accrue The no’s, the warnings, it isn’t new I’m turning blue
The balance is off The pendulum tipped We’re slaves to the 1 percent
The only redemption it all will burn The good, the evil, all is done Prayer won’t stop things to come
I’m always writing and it’s rather frightening
Lost every single thing we had From a fire that seem to spread No point in blaming whose more dead
How can you say those things to me in private While ignoring me in the public eye I don’t like it Your trust is a lie
They don’t understand the sanctity of marriage How the other person’s soul is a carriage They only want to cage any heart they manage They have no remorse for the things that they damage
Finding someone worth loving is a needle in a haystack
Checkmate
Waiting for you to make your move Wondering how your next play will improve Did your mistake stick you like glue Into another’s arm’s you flew Do you know that you can fuck yourself too?
I’m never visiting your blog again and I donated your book to the bin
She misses you while the other is warm I no longer care who is on your arm The fundamental constants you only bring harm You seem like a prince but it’s only fake charm
The ways of the world ain’t right The 1% built a world of greed and fright The poor chained with no voice to fight
You stepped into my event horizon I swallowed you like lava risin’ Got sick of all the compromising Signals fired with no replying Your tongue is black and good for lying
As you watch your view count slowly drop Unless Instagram brings you more fame than you thought? But I am gone with nothing bought I came with nothing and left with naught
There’s nothing on the TV I ever want to watch I’m feeling fairly empty – And I drank all of his scotch
Others think I’m winning I’m crying ’round the clock Enemies always leeching Thieving in a flock
Look at all the cum stains The mind games
You say I don’t care enough I call your bluff Pushing and pulling Your hand is rough I don’t like it tough
I start out right but slowly drift to wrong I know how to forgive but it never lasts me long
You’re the sole proprietor of fucking up my life You should have aborted me with a knife Instead you cause me decades of strife I’m thinking of ending my life tonight
She’s a hypocrite To be two-faced you won’t need a permit The road is lined with her endless bullshit I’m over it!
The more I come together, the more I fall apart
If only we practiced the art of love instead of war If only I were the girl you were searching for
Wake me from the dead Meet me under ethereal sky In the twilight Because you’re the starlight
Our love is indivisible The dreams I’m living for I find you beautiful Your opals I adore
Bury me deeply where you bleed Plant me near your sacred seed Leave, but know you’re all I need Follow holy signs or let me lead
Do you collect my broken parts? Are they keepsakes in your heart?
I hope my enemies stay off of my grave!
We always regret we don’t have more time If only I had… We could’ve… I should of…
But we don’t. Or we won’t. No matter how sad.
There’s a halo around the moon A sign you’ll see me soon
Mountains have limits They come in sharp peaks Piling up my guts to flee it You won’t find me here in weeks
The last flower in me died I sat for hours and I cried Watched the sun burn gold With eyes that only spied
The last flower in me tried It spread its petal far and wide But the sun disappeared and I’m old It’s simply time for me to hide
Now posting videos of me practicing my guitar and singing on Instagram. A first. I never play or sing in front of anyone. Sacred parts of me. I’m also awful. That may account. 🎃
I’m also on LinkTree so you can find me on the web easier. (It’s been made known to me that people are stealing or using my ideas without so much as even giving me a courtesy of a like or my blog a follow. That is intellectual theft and plagiarism. I don’t mind being a muse for you but the least you could do is follow my blog or like the post that inspired you. I have copyright laws posted here for a reason and WordPress is a publishing site so everything I publish here is backed by copyright law. If you are using me as a muse, would you at least consider joining my Patreon for $1 or joining the donation tier? When I tell you that I’m at risk of becoming homeless again and that I can’t afford to eat, I’m not lying to you. I can’t even afford to buy alcohol or weed to numb the fucking pain of existence and I’m depressed and suicidal. 👍👍
Now posting videos of me practicing my guitar and singing on Instagram. A first. I never play or sing in front of anyone. Sacred parts of me. I’m also awful. That may account.
Got my finger on the block I guess it’s better than my Glock I know you watch me like a hawk And then you turn around and mock
I know I’m always in your thought I’m not quite the sinner you sought I’m the girl you never caught And you say you love me naught
Gonna block him again. Why not. That way, I can ignore his existence too. Eye for an eye.
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I want him to stretch out my smile until my cheek hurts Roll around on the ground laughing til it’s worse I want his poetry as my universe His kisses to be my in-house nurse
I want his words instead of roses, dig? Forgiveness for mistakes I hid Perhaps another chance to bid Love despite the things I did
You give life color You are the place sadness goes to rest Gently under midnight breath You unchain the collar
Your tongue rushes through layers of time only to stand still! Why do you stomp outside my gate demanding honor when your skin is made of scales? I wonder if there is any light left in you at all? Do you feel my love sneaking into you at night? Or when my tears have sweetened the sky?
Is it a pen- Or a tool for destruction?
Is it a hand- Or a rule for instruction?
Why do you always have to be so bad? Why do you exist only to make me sad? Why are you always claiming I am wrong? Why are you someplace I don’t belong?
Remorse is a little grave Radioactive your words decay They cause delay Like the games you play The lies you say The lives you slay
I don’t hide behind pretense or a mask I’ve got a mind to not do what you ask If you want it first you’ll get it last A narcissist hating me, makes me feel first-class!
Just go! Why do you always make a scene? Your reason cruelly crafted, doesn’t mean a thing.
Life happens in gallops The downs, the ups A calloused heart develops Blackened and jealous
There’ll never be an us You’re too careless You’ve got life but you’re aimless Now the end you can cherish
You’re spinning on your axis Your every lie is backless I’m splitting from this madness And returning all your sadness
People out there climbing, hardly trying, rarely ever hear them crying…
Don’t let the bottle sink you to the floor Got you nailing shut every door Every hour you are at war The enemy is your roar We can’t take it anymore
Eventually longing runs out like a clock that stops ticking…
She’s a pyramid scheme Lined in fake gold and your dying dream The way her eyes will gleam Faking is in her bloodstream
They are tied together at the seam He injects her like she’s morphine She ranks him number one supreme But all they ever do is scream
You cling to death a hardend criminal Morally bankrupt
She has darkness leaking from her eyes Scales and veins that demoralize The blood runs blue behind cold skies Quickly fallen the soldier dies
His smile is fusion So his kingdom I’m choosing
You left me dismantled Said there was nothing you couldn’t handle I guess you had a different angle You were gone by the flick of your candle
My time was fully channeled But now our friendship has been cancelled Everyday a different battle Took all I had to not get mangled
Stow my fucks upon the mantle I’ll write you off another devil There were signs that I’m a rebel I guess I’m on a different level
Choice is yours to revel You’re a man that’s acting feral Trust is like a petal And I need to be more careful
Time is a death sentence.
Do you take the stars with you when you disappear? Do you hide the light within your black soul?
I am a wounded warrior who fought for this country I need more than fancy cars or money Or the consistent catcalling of “come here honey”
Give me wonder from your fingertips, from your every word that slips Galactic walls of poetry, moves for my dancing feet, that’s all I’ll ever need
Who or what are you chasing? Everyday I see the man you could be slowly erasing
You move in-and-out of my life like water; you shape my rivers.
She looks cheap and worn down like an old lumber mill- But piss on her and he’ll crumble at will!
My love, lend me your ear Spending time with you would change the atmosphere
Do my pleas appear like flares in darkened skies Are my hopes and dreams all the things that you despise
Growing evermore increasingly isolated And humanity, well I don’t like it And man and his lies absolutely hated And to think for love I sat around and waited
But love is about abundant as God And man only rule with his evil rod But leave it to them to curse why I’m flawed And when it comes to law every one is a fraud
An angel and a demon fall in love
He doesn’t want to hurt her, he can’t change who he is Walk away he won’t let her and try yes she did
There were warnings in the echoes Writings on the windows
-LOVE FORBID-
One day these words will be gone – life won’t exist Time is slow but not forever, now is in the mist
Let’s rewind the details.
They line up like dogs, fisting her, inching her Why do you love her, I need an answer
I just freestyle wrote this and shared it on my Instagram but I wanted to share it here also… I really love to rhyme!
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He’s going down a road I’ll never be taking But that doesn’t stop the moon every night from breaking Getting more rest won’t stop me from aging And long are the hours in shame we are aching
He’s a golden statue crumbling down The crown he wears just drags the ground He’ll likely beg where she is bound A noose around his fate was found
What is truth but feeling numb And watching others acting dumb Why have one when none’s a sum When you predict every outcome
I chewed off more than I can bite It’s possible I’ll die tonight I’m not okay but that’s alright You’ll never see me make it right
I’ve been approved by the state for medical. There’s so much fear mongering about it uggg. I’ll likely do a blog post about it. Is this still a safe place!?!
The Earth took a tremble and shake With every lie you create Magma still flowing In the direction I’m now going
The sky took a breath with thunder in her chest and we’re both crying I can’t stop you though from spying But the stars have since been hiding We’re through trying
The Sun has changed his point of view With every breath that we drew And every crack you fell through This is how to stop loving you
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I felt him swing from the heavens, into my heart he went And from the bowels of the netherworld, my soul came to ascent Our orbits must have collided, I have been feeling him ever since Collecting more than fraying feathers, I’m not that innocent
Watching him grow cold and devilish, while following his gradual descent Vision crossing planks of inability, I cannot stop these events Burning chains on regret, dragging around feet like they are blocks of cement The weight of consequence in this pit, the dead can still lament
PoeEternal 