Pop up artist in Oklahoma Has no damn diploma Divorced him in a coma But darling she’s a cold one
Unreal omens Roaming like the Romans My blood is spoken One spell never broken Couldn’t love them both then?
We’re nearly dressed alike Turn down the turnpike Let’s go for a hike Heard from hope tonight
Maybe it was harder than I thought it would be Humility
He likes my tiny – My tiny tiny heart Nicknamed sunshiny His counterpart
The big girls keep yelling that I’m small / I fear he can’t see me at all
Like a volcano about to erupt I’m running amuck Let me be abrupt This government is corrupt!
Everything he writes Is about him me you us Combined in a trust Locked without fuss
To put her mind at ease, he lied With spear in side Not Judascide Cat caught the mouse Lie tied to mouth Not big the trap
Are you burning down cities? Running from the guilty? Like a modern viking gypsy? Do you fancy life more risky? Got a shot a whiskey?
AWOL / never ordered you to leave
I’m 1600 miles away from hope No room for boat Get your telescope Walking a tightrope
Has karma grabbed your foot? Think you’re off the hook? Think steps I mistook? Ban me like a crook?
I’m a fucking primate Gotta lot on my plate
You make life misery You take all liberty
I clean but make a bigger mess / to God I confess
It’s like he’s observing a galaxy from 4 billion years ago – The girl he used to know Does he see how much I’ve grown?
Adventure is more reliable than happiness Said once a therapist?
You’re a deceitful mess I learned from the best
Dear Necromancer, Nothing is not the answer Let God be the anchor And Earth, don’t forget to thank her
The nervous thumb twitch Like broke then too rich Got called a dumb bitch Might wind up in a ditch
Your new life will cost you your old one Just waiting for the dog to be done
There’s something super familiar about all these incidents Just can’t place my feather on it
He works in 12 hour shifts Might hear from him In a dozen years
Could you mumble in monotone some more / you’re a zombie chewing on my bored
I wonder where you are on my follower list Someone I’ll surely miss? Connection with a twist? Or maybe you don’t exist?
Got knocked down Lost my place Scattered humility Eclipsed across my face Nearly lost my soul Now taking second place
He doesn’t understand I don’t have love for him I don’t have love for much I don’t have love for them
He comes on like rain Smell of petrichor Bet I love it more
I know you think I’m boring Map me like you’re exploring Tell you stories that got you snoring I know who you’re ignoring
He’s so bizarre Drive fast in my car Foot on the throttle He thinks I’m odd
We are distributed across billions of light years of space That’s the love it takes That’s why our heart aches Unlimited weight We’re at infinities gate Heaven will not wait
I am blocking folks on tiktok for all kinda of reasons
I only use my main account – so views will stay low – I keep the algo confused, “gotta keep em guessing” – I stay on the go
Anyhoo
I told myself I’d stop scrolling
Only use it to post
*boring*
And many of my good videos don’t make it through – cuz folks block me and then report me for harassment – for lip syncing a Nirvana song “I think I’m dumb” cuz he commented my IQ could improve
I got in trouble for his insult
I was videotaping me lip syncing in my apartment – and he didn’t want y’all to see it
I still think I won?
Fuck so off topic now
The blocking that I do is different
(But how does one get a post removed for lip syncing a fucking song?) (I didn’t even respond) (no text) lol
He all butt hurt
GOOD
Stop phishing for info
My TBI fractal brain is none ya bizz
I know everything and not anything all at once
*God mode off*
*Human mode on*
Nope, not even human yet
Fallen Angel
“Born this way”
Fight me
I haz wings
Under his bed
He stole em
He didn’t really steal them
He collected them from the rubble
Not thinking maybe someone would come
To get the thing broken
He took what was mine and didn’t consider it belonged to another thing
I fucking fell
My first instinct was to find cover
They were my wings but God dismantled them in the fall
Or I dunno, the blazing atmosphere I was searing through
They were left behind
I was probably in shock
It’s an actual medical condition
Not a mindset
“Survival mode”
And there is water in the desert eventually
Dessert twice please (before meal and after dinner like an hour or 3) (not immediately)
(I should not eat after nine but gremlin, need the meal at midnight)
(Even if I eat dinner at 9, I’m like wtf are you growling like we haven’t ate since 5 am)
I already have insomnia, it’s nearly impossible to get through a 5 hour span
So I’ll always be sneaking in the kitchen for a bite
If he loves me, he’ll surprise me with treats awaiting
(And then he gets woken up in different ways yah hear)
I ain’t getting near that thing if he goes putting it in other things
Men especially
Fuck you
Oh who and what things I iz blocking on the TikTok
Someone just had her daddy come help her move a couch
I need 5 million years to recover from the desolate desert you erupted from With a rapid loss of hope occurring
Who will write earth’s obituary The way you’ve written my hand And turned all to stone?
Do you honor the dead The way you immortalize impermanence? Disappearing without affliction Leaving dust on the door
I found you Right where I had left you Disorderly categorized
I am holy proud The sun lifted you from shade Made your skin burn Left a scar or two
You are a placemat for the sun to rise And if your words were the reason it rose Alighting will and aligning truth You are the golden valley where my love will grow
I love him for awhile Drop bombs and act hostile I’ll love him for a mile Send invite then exile
Narcissism is a plague Wildfire like my rage Your flag is acting vague Say what you mean to say
I’m sorting everything I have Every single thing I own Been logging too much weight I’m never feeling home
Been crawling with my skeleton I’m getting out of prone I’m turning on the lights I’m heading for unknown
I’m tired of washing clothes I hate to wear I’m tired of open roads Of just despair
The aftermath apparent Like an errant animal It’s so overbearing The way deep space Won’t stop starring Or acting like He’s not caring
118 pounds Can barely afford a smile He goes by too many nouns Won’t you feed me at the fairgrounds? I might put on a frown A tear for the clown Wearing a hospital gown Starving little cloud
He knows my birthday without a doubt I just haven’t figured it out
You kneel I heal That was the deal
We have to make order out of chaos Forget about the hard loss Betrayal is a hard bust We never quite will adjust
I’m going through metamorphosis I gave no notice Guess I’ll change my coordinates I am the cold porcelain
Dear John, I’m still spitting in a cup But I haven’t given up Lost my way and now I’m stuck Guess I haven’t any luck
Re: Mark Zuckerberg Someone silence that puppet Put a bullet in his nugget Don’t ask, Don’t tell who done it
Label created Clouds must be elated Happy belated Words I never stated Love’s overrated
Eventually you get tired of – The papers piling up Evidence of – I never gave a fuck
He’s always causing so much ruckus I’m losing focus Gave my two week notice He’s close to homeless
I’ve got decades of mail unopened Obviously I’m barely coping?
I’ve been lost in my own shadow Falling down every hole
She told me on the phone You weren’t doing good Felt good to my bone You suck at motherhood
I don’t know how we let it get this bad but we did We’ve been in fight or flight mode since a kid
Do you count the times I visit? You and the Devil in business? God as my witness I’ve been acquitted
Love don’t match the physics The rock is livid Are you good at listening? Do you think it’s christening?
Do you even miss me? Feel the hatred crippling? The hours wasting The Devil is your painting
Weapons and fingernail polish Gifts for a goddess?
There’s a river flowing through the ocean That’s where I’m going Omnidirectional I’m never chosen
What am I supposed to do father Sit around and watch in haste I watch the whole world spinning While their soul goes to waste
Murder attached to bad management Let’s call it “an accident” Near the tomb inscribed “very tragic” John Jones would claim it
I’m pretty good at bad decisions There is faith but no ambition The mirror’s not what I envision I wear a cloth but hate religion I’m making friends but not with wisdom Prayer feels like only wishing
I’m still pulling his hair from my creases He’s still putting together his thesis Wrapped up in all of me Until all life ceases
I’m cleaning out my closet I’ve got monsters on the run The walls they’ve got my claws in Digging for the sun
Hit the high ground Don’t want you around But wait don’t go Guess you can leave slow I don’t want you here But you mustn’t leave the show
Taking pride in my belongings Put a reign on the longing
Homes should come with manuals Basic do’s and don’ts – we’re animals
His path leads me to the Garden of the Gods Like lightning rods
His heart is hard A place to guard
I radiate the potential for havoc Learning to control the devil’s habit
Pain is covered with calcite, tissue, and muscle I chose to be invisible until one day I clearly was
How do you have so much resolve to be so hateful
I am dust and cloud Unploughed Shrouded in form Ready to be born
So what! You got caught looking! You crawled into a planted trap! It’s humiliating! The world doesn’t give a crap!
Society is breeding evil The devil in control But I’m so tired of cutting people That do not have a soul
Dying is a ceremony
Beware false prophet Poison product
He’s nihilism Keeps soul in prison Never first position
I’m color-coded Disorganized and bloated Sorely hated, duly noted Born foreboded
I’m a threat everywhere My beauty, my scorn I give up on everything But then I’m back again reborn
Watch your step One regret can lead to death
JOHN JONES WAS MURDERED
The breakdown is the breakthrough
I sometimes see him in the mirror Confused on what it means Wish vision would appear clearer Then I’d understand the hope he brings
I wish a man would make me feel like a woman But instead, they beat and hold me to the floor; Tell me, I’m not worth fighting for
Society is an echo chamber
We live in a closed containment The earth is what we name it
My own hurts are a form of hell Complete discipline to be well
Father, please do not let me deny him three times
He appears like a soul mirror A waterbed with daffodil He is Lake Superior The calmness and the still
I go in circles when I get lost It’s disconcerting A personal holocaust
The slow delay in becoming
I have a hard time connecting to the devil’s circle An open world And he’s a lure Traversing the obscure He’s at my door Constantly banging Begging for more
I’m flame and fire The netherworld The scent of death I still can’t feel things yet
I’ll give you the grand tour But there is no cure And do I not know you well? You fought for insecure Now you’re not so sure You’re all impure
I remember needle and thread I wrote the book on dread Your main desire Well look ahead Goddess or prior I think you should retire Those images in your head
Lord almighty someone sent me a donation and I just spent it all on food! 🤩
I’m talking fresh organic meats and produce! Scheduled to be delivered today! And I don’t even have to worry about anybody stealing it because I have to sign for it! Now the delivery charge was more than what I was making when I was working as a Lyft and Uber driver but…
My wheels are down – but apparently the Walmart marketplace now delivers! And – because I received such a nice donation, was able to purchase my food for the month!
I’m not ashamed to say that I have been living month to month off of food donations from the church pantry and the Salvation Army, which I can no longer get to because my wheels are currently down, so this donation just allowed me to be able to buy some food and have it delivered!!
I bought the part I needed for my ride! I’m only 19 no’s away from finding someone to help me fix it finding the courage to fix it myself.
The good news is, I did fix my bike!
But, we almost got killed riding yesterday. A car nearly wiped us out. Despite me waiting for the traffic signal to signal and flash WALKING.
Surprisingly, she turned around and came back
“Are you alright”
“Yes but that was scary. Thank you for coming back and checking on us”
“That was close” she said
She was a young driver and probably will be much more careful coming through traffic signals from now on because she nearly took out a girl and a dog on a bike
I told my dog that she was not a demon because she came back to check on us and I know that was hard for her to do
I guess we had a guardian angel looking after us because she was flying
It didn’t matter that I had the right away and I even waited a second to make sure there wasn’t any traffic but
Food is incoming
Chicken. Turkey. Beef. Milk. Bread. Eggs. Cheese. All the things! 🤩
The things I never get from food donations (rare).
I don’t know what you wanted me to spend my money on but food is absolutely a priority and a necessity in my life and not junk food.
My dog is also happy and behaving extremely well for bike rides and soon-to-be good homecooked eating
I’ve been deep cleaning my apartment because my name is on the lease and I’m not going anywhere because God wants me in the Lions den
I discovered that there are a lot of churches in the nearby vicinity that maybe I could start riding my bike to
After all, this broken heart of mine has already walked 5 miles in the last couple weeks
We live in hell and I don’t trust any of these assholes because they would jump you
Two people just got arrested out here where I live and one of the guys was out here yelling that the other guy was a pedophile
I think it was two children though that got arrested because they were trying to defend themselves you know because they were being threatened to have their fucking lives demolished by the psychotic adults
“I got it on film” he yelled
And the weekend is just getting started so who knows who else might get arrested
I’ve opened up all my windows for maximum effect
“Do not fear”
M’kay but like… Why did you make every aspect of life threatening?
The earth is the ether Everything we’ve done laid beneath her
Observation changes outcome But never what I’ve done I’ll never get to hold your son We’ll never get to live as one…
Find someone who wants to love you and let them love you good Don’t do stuff to hurt them and treat them like you should
I can see your shadow Reflecting off the ground I can see your body Though nobody is around
Not all heroes wear a cape Some smiling faces full of ache A soldier’s weapon ain’t his blade Might find him praying in the shade One might grow up but still not age
Discoloration in the grass I know he bled her last
The poet’s hope is a shield of nope
I sleep with knife under pillow One eye on the blade Certifications are dusty I still made the grade!
I knew I would die before I was born I entered life with so much scorn
I obviously wasn’t happy about coming here (why) (what did I know) (remember who you are)
Even mountains crumble God can make a rumble
I sleep with a Glock I keep the safety off
He came down from Orlando Took the bus though Sat by the window?
Not home no more From life to morgue
How do you know me? Been only suffering…
There’s static energy in the air I can still feel it there I can feel it everywhere
English is the language of the Illuminati. Numbers and spells, but their words never haunt me!
If it moves like a snake, it might be sly If it’s blue as a lake, it could be sky…
For me, death was failure and not an option Life not an auction
Still heart was throbbing Lung decomposing
But soul was hoping That he still loved me Forever eternity
We are born without clothing So why call me unholy
How long does it take for a soul to decompose? Could you let my twin flame know?
I want to break out of the zero energy field All the sin you yield
The end is a human construct, time doesn’t exist. Remember this.
A soldier is best dressed with guns and knives; I don’t tell no lies
He came by bus, left by feet Thought he was discreet
They added a third charge. Illegal immigration. And what, now he gets a free home in the US forever paid for by us? No. Off with his head.
They said he sliced their necks open so far he almost decapitated both of them
And now he gets free dental, sunshine, and housing
While the vets are homeless and starving
Like Edgar Allan Poe, who was an officer who died on the fucking street of starvation and hunger
You should’ve seen me storming into the Daytona Beach police station demanding to speak to somebody “with some compassion” because I didn’t want to die on the street like him but they claim it’s just a “federal matter” and “nothing they can do”
Policy China’s social credit system / Hitler’s regime is still in charge
Oops! How did I go from poetry to politics.
I’m a Soldier 24/7 even out of uniform
I see Chess pieces moved that you haven’t considered
Maybe sometimes
But also the math is wrong 🤨
Have you considered a different formula or equation?
One that wasn’t written to fit the illuminati’s reality?
Do you enjoy conjugating verbs? Or, are you mixing up allegories, just like you’re mixing herbs? Do you stir them in a pot with tender tendons and neurotic nerves? Are they fossilized in lies, to see how love preserves?
Another freestyle. Maybe one of my top ten best written micropoems? 🤔
I wrote this about my muse (but I’m not allowed to have any secrets anymore).
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He falls like snow Gently weeping Hope crystallized White and pristine And do my wings fall deeply Leaving patterns unstained Just memories to remain He comes like cold December waving Celestial dreaming Calm and endless
Look at how you carve through precious stone- You go from cherished to disowned!
If this is how you treat what you cherish- Spear the love, see if it will perish?
Cherished muse- You have 20 more to replace for every one you lose!
Let me tell you what you wish; A face you really could cherish!
He can turn water into poison You’ll never know you were chosen He can turn truth into erosion He’s got fire but it is frozen
Don’t call on him to have pity You won’t find any in his city Crossing wires like love is infinity He is guilty
He’s not bold He’d whimper and fold He looks old But that’s the price of cold?
It’s a balancing act Trying to remain intact After privacy is lacked And seeing through any mask
How did all these years come to pass Living hour by hour under glass When did mere living come last Crawling these circles full mask
How many roads of lies were paved When did summer turn to grave Too broken or damned to save “Regret” on tomb engraved
She’s got everything hasn’t she? She has his time, admiration, and money. Still, she’s confused on who to be. Meanwhile, I’m a fish out of water, He doesn’t care if I die or breathe
I got iron steel regret How heavy can it get? I’ll find out yet Weighing every bet
Pinching any nerve left I’ll fail each and every test I’m the very best at less I’m the best at less!!!
I do terrible things For love In everything absent of – I don’t rise above
If only disappointment were a page to turn If dismay were a sunray But I chew on bitterness Bewildered from his poison seed
I pack worry in a suitcase Toss my rainboots in a tree Laced with lies received It’s how I bleed
I sometimes think you are many faces Filling spaces Second bases All these places
You assemble hope in tied up laces Watching over me like the moon in phases Carrying me over trouble through midnight races
Love is like the beginning and end
There will be no headstone No grave From life to dust I’m not okay
Deny me love. I will appeal.
I’ve been berated Words sophisticated Now time is hated Black holes where waited Hours wasted Love is not how it tasted Love is not how it tasted
At 26,000 light-years away, it’s the closest we’ve ever been And if regret is a singularity, it’s finally creeping in
Could fit all I am in a tiny box Cheap, won’t cost a buck Disposable and out of luck And for me, he doesn’t give a fuck
Well thank you for leaving me where I didn’t want to be.
He’s been charged with possession of stolen property.
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Treat darkness like an overpass
Lay down a red carpet full of glass Ask the Sun if it’s okay to bask Precious love is always last
You turn a word into a ton of weight Can make a damaged heart dilate Stop all of hope with an iron gate And take holy love to desecrate
You can lead a comet through a narrow path Make an angel take a dirty bath
I’ve seen the dead rise from the ink you spill Not even god can escape the gravity of your will You dig tunnels just for thrill See how many you can kill
Come to me By frothy sea Shine your light I fancy thee
Red shift, blue shift I don’t give a shit
I’m so much better than that flock of shit you summon Your mouth is the opposite direction I am running Your lies only come by the dozen You can knock but you can’t come in The darkness covers all but it’s my coven You ain’t welcome here again
I’m having trouble facing things Or how the sorrow becomes permanent encasings Though a bullet to the skull wouldn’t phase me A daily crucifixion, the only life I’m facing
You’re cruel Using me as your fuel You’re not my tool
I drink from the carton And I never show my enemy just how I’m hurtin’ I draw the curtain And if you catch me taking a nap Are you for certain?
I’m a rib from your side A curse like Dracula’s bride Or Bonnie and Clyde I drink your love like cyanide Mixed with hope and rhyme
Cut the cord yes I certainly did Filled my home with darkness so thick I hid Over valleys of crying I skid
Death and chaos is order Loving him made me older Even a glowing moon can’t comfort the way you smother You’re a terrible lover Always lying under cover You don’t love her You have only mind to wonder Less a heart just feet with thunder Get going you monster
Well, how much more dead can you get?
I don’t know what it’s like to be desired If I had purpose it’s now expired My wings expand but heart is tired Tell me what in life is required?
Why does my love always cause destructive tidal waves?
Did you know mountains were resting on your shoulder named envy? You let me crash on your soul in frenzy I’m dizzy Did you not need me?
Did you know moons were glowing with envy? Heartache cost not a penny But I got plenty If you need any?
Gone But left my heart to disassemble on its own I left it rotting on your throne Caring too much for desensitized bone Lust your carried tomb I’d rather be alone Direction unknown
Got dressed up all like I had no where to goes- But I did and I do, I have people to impose
There are parts of me that are dying Fragile cells multiplying Swamps forming from lying Weeping willows heard crying
Edges of time his mind I go missing every time His rhyme Holding me to crime His line Wishing on a dime
Sometimes, I climb into the ether where we met Heaven is risky but I took the step You feel like eternity in an instance Gotta keep our distance
Every day there’s some new tragic fate with you.
Evolve or repeat.
Why hold on to something when all our sums have failed Why give me any hope when there’s holes within my sails
I fell in love with a monster Spying on ways he would watch her Twisting and burning for answer Changing moments to cancer
I can smell the lie on his tongue I can see the tar clear in his lung I know every direction he’s coming from I know evil is where he sprung
I can see his shadow hanging low Like a spider crawling slow He’s not here to help you grow A web of lust his afterglow
He brings you presents wrapped as lies When dressed as shame he’ll change devise To maintain charm he’ll risk goodbyes
God they’re all the same Using lies to earn your trust We’re just a game You think you know their name Then learn the truth now you’re to blame
God says I can’t save them all- Focus on the stars, I know about the stars So I’m on my knees, I wallow in these scars
God says, watch how the colors bleed- How it’s flowing free We’re only allowed pockets of energy
Stop serving good vibes to those deserving of goodbyes
If only there were a fence that lead me to your green pastures. Or if love were the grandest gestures.
Would it cease our need of treasures? And increase in heart our pleasures?
I’m hanging onto life with all I have left And you I’m clinging to with every single breath
He grew obsessed after every loss The thing he loved, became his cross Still over mountains, he gave it all And how he sweat, she never saw
From the top, to the bottom, to rising again Deserted deserts, losing treasures, our feet have been Over powered, over run, still fit to win The trouble with hope, it burrows under your skin
How can heaven weigh this? Are you not why heaven fell?
How many lies are you leading The light receding And was I ever in your field of needing? How many lives proceeding
How wave after wave pummeled Darkness fully tunneled
I don’t want to be known for the wars I fought – Or the hate I taught
I don’t belong here With the putrid Though the dead more alive
I bit more than I can chew I am stupid Got the devil in my crew
I invited evil to dance Then got muted The devil in a trance
I see through mask like a pattern Deeply rooted Though in the dark he was my lantern
He has to be very careful Of who, of what, of when, of why Every step he makes is sterile Of love, of care, of hope, or I
I am replaceable A traveler straight to erasable He is obsessed with her And her and her But me it’s always never
I can handle extreme pressure under fire But put me in the cold and I will expire
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My love, if you’ve ever known truth, know my tongue Love is the reason for why I’ve come Heaven is leaking from my lung
My middle name is Faith and it’s more than just a name. (But go ahead and attach digital currency to my worth).
I look on you and continents and oceans disappear Into the thin atmosphere Wishing you were here
I hope one day you find the street that leads to my arms.
He didn’t know what to tell her, He didn’t want to lie. He just knew anything was better, Than the truth he had to hide.
I read them… They just don’t draw attention Not like yours I’m alive in your world Like leopards leaping giants Our history to be explored I’m alive forevermore Your words are gems on peaceful shores Do you think they’ll ever find our matching hidden doors? Love written like puzzle pieces Rearranged and then re-written I’m smitten! Insert your phrase like a vampire I’ve been bitten! Got me itching! Crawling over the people I’m ditching!
She’s a Goddess hidden under crutch, What price would you pay to feel her touch?
All the things
I’m still a favorite under veil A full moon can shine from hell
Been writing and recording in my studio all day today.Where the magic and curses happen. 🎃“Where are you? / I am sitting on the Moon“Itching to pick my guitar. Practice session tomorrow hopefully! Werking. Recording them rhymes. Just yer average gal doing extraordinary thingsMe. Baghdad, Iraq. 2003. I did not blow up the building, our Marines did. I was a combat medic and deployed with the 212th MASH (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) for Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom – OEF/OIF. HOOAH. I’m fighting wars with my pen now instead of my M16… don’t tread on me. Although I am an efficiently trained killing machine, I was also skillfully trained to heal people. 15 years of hard training and the Army never does anything half ass. I don’t either. I’ve got a ton of awards, medals, and certifications “but these stories don’t mean anything / when you’ve got no one to tell them to”… Warning: may bite suddenly and without warning. Proceed with caution. Ich habe hunger (I am hungry). I’m not bandaging wounds today, well I am, but different kind of wounds, and with ink and paper (my pen is also lethal). But I prefer home life now over foxholes in Iraq…Writing is what I’ve always wanted to do. Between both my jobs, being a single parent, and going to college full-time, my writing and passion got buried. Life is hard for some of us. We’re not all born with a silver spoon and spineless spine. Think I might have my next reel written. 8 lines this time. 👀That one time Val Kilmer acknowledged my existence on Twitter with some love. It’s remained my pinned Tweet ever since. He has been one of my favorite actors since I was 10 years old- so for him to love my pen name is a pretty incredible compliment as a poet and writer. It’s okay to be a little jealous. I get jealous of me too. 😂 It’s just a Tweet you say. Well yeah, one that needs to be printed out and framed and hung on my wall in my studio. It’s kinda a big deal for me still. Most people promote their blog or something with a pinned Tweet. Not me, got Kilmer up. There are people that don’t even know who he is and they get to vote. *rolls eyes* 👀I’ve been really busy creating and I haven’t had much time for anything else. I’m just needing to get this stuff out before I die. My entire life has been just trying to survive and get by. This is the one chance the universe has given me. Crowds were never much for me. Spiral out, keep going…
So stick around if you wanna. I need to stop screwing around and get a schedule put together for Twitch so I can start bringing open mic night to you. Loving people with depression requires a lot of patience. That’s probably why I don’t have a lot of people that love me. But if people would stop treating me like shit, I probably wouldn’t be depressed. So goes the circle of life.
I can’t stand things in my eyes so never did contacts again. Plastic to me is like silver to werewolf. These were Angel contacts but I’ll never wear them again. I feel everything, it’s why I hate life. Might start wearing my eyeliner like that again. I’m a tomboy and like things messy, like my makeup. I’ve never once had anybody compliment my eyes, at least not the color. I normally get compliments on my fucking teeth (followed by “did you get braces” uhhh no). The only enhancements I have on me are tattoos, hair dye, and piercings. And I need more of all these things. But me no likey pain. Yep. But for who???? *sobs uncontrollably*
Everyone musta always been scavenging for food and water, typical supplies, but I was looking for the hidden stashes and bongs. I wanted medical grade marijuana, not that pharmaceutical junk. What they didn’t know was I had found a stash a few houses back, and I was still on the fence on whether I wanted them to know I had been looking for it. I had enough stress. My pain levels were at their max. I had grouped up with six others 2 nights ago, presumably most from the same neighborhood as I, or more importantly, mentally sound. Some had mentioned being vets, I could no longer trust anyone, and even my small group was suspect.
Here’s what we know. About 2 weeks ago an attack happened in the city, power was lost immediately following, cell communications down, radio and television silence, emergency service null.
So anyway, a couple days back I found a flavor jar under some kids bed, probably a teenager sixteen or 17, judging by the room. Signs of a struggle were seen throughout the condo, I fathom to ponder what has become of the owners of the unit. We lived and shared a fairly big neighborhood, yet barely lifted a chin of recognition when driving or walking by. But the kid had good taste with classic posters on his wall. When I saw the Floyd tapestries, I had hoped that there’d be some bud stashed away. And there was. I quickly pocketed it before the others could catch me.
You’re free to go Where the wind will blow Disassemble and row Nobody gotta tell yah so So go on and show What your feet can stow
Hello, good evening Tormentor May I call you Mister? Mister Tormentor? Word hipster Hard hitter Love quitter Still with her?
I go from tuning To finely pruning They say I’m ruin I got sin brewin’
His voice is a soothing surf Not a curse I need him and it’s getting worse For what it’s worth
Our lives aren’t permanent I was born and in effect, I’m not perfect Still mistakes you’ll erect On display my regret 1, 2, 3, now it’s set I’ll admit, I changed my bet But you are dead and now I’m next
He was gone But his eyes kept looking back And now love was a balancing act Her heart atrophied From the love it lacked
It is so obvious to me concepts But then I am gullible and miss steps
She cried so much He made a levee But it just keeps flooding Her tears are heavy
There is more bad than there is good It gets to me more than it should
Constantly pretending it doesn’t hurt at all Restart. Repurpose. Throw it up against a wall Reorganize disaster before they see the fall Rejection. Redirection. He will not take a call
Taste the sin, twice the infection Long-distance waiting, I cannot face inspection Hours non-debating and time shows no affection A trip to my own mind, a nightmare his direction
Everyday, I’m waking up triggered Just today, frustration got bigger
He must exist in some galaxy far from reach; Like my company he won’t seek
I’m stone but you cut through me like water; making me soft yet harder.
There’s a positive and a negative in everything I’ve learned; even the outcome…
I peer into my dream as if you’re there – A hundred million reasons why I care
His words a sword cutting through stone; I guess I’d rather be alone.
Read the lines in between, I do get what you mean and, I’m not searching for a thing…
Transforming into high seas Don’t wanna be on my knees Or marching in an army
My dreams of him live in endless meadows Where fears have been foreclosed Never near the brink of extinction Our love can never decompose
And now he’s building a nest Right where her heart beats best
Both try to speak though tongue was held They try to walk but they both failed
Sinners have acute senses sinning
One day she looked down at her hands and didn’t recognize them anymore.
Wounds she carries of others crosses. Her hearts too heavy from all these losses.
Wrap me in your worlds; only want your words.
You’re always passing by Why don’t you come inside And stay awhile by my side
Secrets aren’t for telling Even when we’re yelling Secrets aren’t for selling Even where you’re dwelling
I don’t know if he’s iron or sorcery / He’s got a hold on me
They come, they go I’m high, then low
The trouble with worry is that I worry there’s trouble.
He yells “retreat, I am the dark” But, he is the way for light to embark It takes both to fuel the heart And when it comes to love they hit the mark
“…You have to cut the cord”
“No, I can’t live without you…”
“Babe, you can’t stop existing just because I do” (love is keepsake, love is forever)
I gave you my best angles My mess and my tangles
She said, “you finally showed up. Took the damn end of the world, too…”
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He’ll die a hundred times before his death He’ll stand a coward as he holds his breath He’s never loved but that’s my guess Misunderstood and second-best
Look, I don’t think he is second-best but I believe he does and so he cowers into the man he will never be. It’s easier for him to die than it is to step. To become the man he could be. That takes real effort. Perhaps courage is what he lacks. He needs to go see The Wizard of Oz. I mean it’s the end of the world, no better time… And while he’s there I hope he gets me those little ruby red slippers.They will only fit my feet. Cuz he’s my home. TETHERED. And there’s nothing he can do about it..
No filter. All alone for the end of the world. *sigh*
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Ahem, y’all ever have someone you don’t know, just randomly claim they love you? There’s a guy I never had one conversation with message me to tell me he was completely in love with me. In hindsight, I wonder if I’m reaping what I sow. Does the guy I claim I’m in love with think of me the way I think of this guy? I hope not. Him and I, at least had some conversations together, I always enjoyed his spoken word and he even did some spoken word for me once so I know what he looks like. I know why I love him. I know why he makes my blood boil and my heart beat. I know why my soul is connected to his like a tether. I know why he makes me completely black with jealousy. I know why I long for him and cry for him. I know. But this other guy who loves me, I don’t know at all. Anything. Maybe I do. Read the poem.
I iz confused. Goddess of Confusion.
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It’s been a minute since I’ve shared one of these, half broken dreams and poetry. It’s like I’m ripping apart from the seams. Go ahead, take a piece of me.
How foolish to believe he could love a girl like me A girl who’s good and full of integrity How stupid to think I had any charm I’m just a girl avoiding harm
But the sun it never sleeps And my heart it always weeps But the secrets that you carry Are too much for one to bury
I am hard on the edges Always hanging off of ledges He is soft as a peach A heart enriched and simply sweet
He is a moving sea Wrapped up in poetry The way it moves with me So gently
The emptiness settles over me like fog rolling over hills and mountains…
If only he’d given us a chance, we might have got it right.
He’s like a midnight haunting I’m always wanting The way he taunts me It’s like he wants me
Taking off my clothes on some days is harder than facing an enemy with a bomb…
SelfieSelfie
Their tongues instantly went in orbit around each other.
He has a different touch It’s not layered with thorns And underneath his surface There isn’t any horns
Her lips turn centuries The way he lets her hang onto forever She burns like midnight oil But like a wildfire let her burn Then the seeds will come
You just sit there letting yourself harden Where is your heart then May I still tend?
You, you are home Your words my magic kingdom Your mind a wicked garden Your voice my heart’s beacon
Why does she get all of the reward?
She’s putting lipstick on her cracks As she crawls around his back Any love for her I lack
I am married to doubt My tears falling devout Like rain coming down a sprout I’m given out
Danger here be the heart. All poetry be in my veins.
It comes at me like three round burst The anxiety is getting worse The loss of hope is where it hurts
History is going to be written whether we succeed or fail.
Keep your heart open they say But now uninvited guests have come to stay
Condemnation building like condensation.
Truth bites and barks like a rabid dog I pretend there is life in the lie Reason knocks hurrily like he’s got somewhere to be I told him to get lost I drowned him with liquor
His soul is like a soothing surf And I can’t get enough But I’m crashing around his hidden turf Like where the tide is rough I get so tired like near giving up But then he shows his worth
I felt the sound of his voice crawling through my lonely bones He trickled down these dusty pipes His voice echoing around my bends Washing away where I’ve been There’s a slight pause between what is now and what was then Choices are graveyards that will cost you your zen You’re at it again
When the silence comes it forms in tears But the way he kisses my dreams it brings comfort to my fears And maybe it’s been him I’ve been missing all these years So I clutch to the now in case he disappears
His voice is that light that trickles through the woods And he’s not knocking on my door to sell me any goods And his face is clear it’s not hiding under hoods And the messages direct, not misunderstood
He is the calm of the wave pulling me in A warm breeze of serenity Letting him bask under my skin Lingering lingering in him
A mid-morning freestyle that went from a non-rhyme to a rhyme ‘cuz I’m out of control… (and so is my hair)
6 AM Saturday morning snaps + poem6 AM Saturday morning snaps + poem = thinking of him
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I make decisions I know I’ll regret later And I don’t know why I pop around, the truth is that I hate her In disgust, I watch how her little minions all think that she’s greater But she’s the equivalent of an asteroid making a crater And what he sees in her requires a calculator And a wallet, then add sex, she’s just around for labor But then she removes her panties and she just isn’t my flavor Maybe she thinks exposing herself is doing us a favor Well, for him, I’m sorry, but it’s the only motivator…
Warning, the following is a rant you best avoid but I needed to do it for my own fucking sanity… I only speak the truth. 👇
It’s not that I have anything against sex workers in particular, it’s just, I don’t like her, in particular. She’s gross, she lies, I can’t get the image of her vagina burned out of my mind, I know he sticks his dick in her (she’s cheap, AKA free), she emotionally blackmails him, and while he may put her in ropes, she’s the one that’s got him chained, she’s a pyramid scheme to her own fanbase which was built on lies, she pretends she’s a publishing company and acts like a cheap whore. It’s not hard to make your blog private if there is nudity, it’s kinda the fooking rules. But I guess she wants to help contribute to ruining our children in America with free porn yah!! (I’m sorry but close up shots of just your vagina is fucking porn). I hate her because she came to my blog spreading her fucking jealousy which led me to go check out her blogs and then I had to see her exposed vagina which I didn’t want to fucking see… And if I had paid to see that shit, I would have asked for a refund for real. But now she needs to pay for my fucking therapy to get her out of my head. I mean, why she assumes everyone wants to just come to her blog and see her fucking vagina up close!?! It wasn’t even like, neat. Like, I complain at people for posting pictures of their hands up close if they don’t even fucking have the decency to get a manicure beforehand or put lotion on… It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that them two are in a thing together. I’m not jealous of her body trust me, I don’t think she’s worked out a day in her life. You could go fishing with how coarse her hair is and judging by the looks of it she probably does. I’m not jealous of her fake fanbase that she’s created by pulling her panties off and lying to them. It’ll be a long day in hell before she releases her hold on him, I wouldn’t put it past her that she blackmails him. I’d bet my soul right now that he’s trapped, it’s no wonder their time together is always turbulent. I don’t like her for many many reasons there are for not liking a person. She’s bad all around. There’s good people like me and then there’s deceitful people like her who try to make you believe that I’m the bad person… I don’t like her because she’s a hugely bad influence for the love of my life. I don’t like her because she pretends to be a nice person, but if she was really a nice person she would have followed my blog when she came to it originally leaving all the comments that she did, but she is as fake as they come, she did it out of spite and jealousy only, and hoping that I would go check out her blogs like I did and find out the stuff that I did and now I have to watch her be all friendly to all the other bloggers we follow… In the beginning I was even stupid enough to follow her blog but I didn’t understand why she came and left me all those comments but never followed my blog but later it all made sense and I figured it out… (obvious facts they both deny). She never had any intentions of following my blog because she was jealous of him writing poetry about me while he was fucking her. Sad truths. But we all run in the same circle, so I have to see all of them support each other but leave me out… cuz I’m the problem LOL LOL and more poetic rants likely to come because I need more therapy for how much I can’t fucking stand her…
I feel slightly better after the rant.
And even after all the horrible shit I have learned, I still love him… Why? Why does the why even matter anymore? Him and I are the modern Romeo and Juliet. I swear we are. He’s beautifully dark and I love him. I just can’t stand her… And I’ve already gone through my period of slashing him through my poetry, I completely crucified him for real. But he still carried my cross. And loved me. And I still love him. And I still have the hope of one day and she can’t fucking take that from us… or our poetry. 👍👍👍
(even if he convinces y’all that none of it is about me)… mirror please) 😇😇😇😇
Listen, I’m not the smartest girl on the block, but I’m also not the dumbest and I know what’s real and I know what’s not. I love him and he must really love me too because he’s never actually blocked me anywhere despite the fact that I have crucified him more than once but he must have known how much I was hurting because deep down I have a reason to be hurting because this shit is actually real it’s actually fucking real and happening in real time right fucking now and it’s NOT just imaginary in my head. And even if his words aren’t always for me they heal me the same. I love him and I know that I’m his favorite love. He has many girls who love him but none who love him as much as I do. My love was made for him. The thing is, I can need him and set him free because it is real love and it keeps coming back to me. And I wish I didn’t dislike her the way I do because then maybe it would make it easier for him and I to be friends and follow each other again, but that’s exactly what she doesn’t want. She needs control. She’s also very co-dependent on him. I’m not because it is true love. I probably could have liked her had she not been a deceitful jealous spiteful conniving bitch. So, I’m sorry my love, but I think you can do better still. xoxo
And to the bitch this is about, get in the sea already…
SORRY NOT SORRY
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Hi y’all. I wrote a new poem and dropped it on my Patreon this morning, along with an introduction, and it is a public post (free to all), so be sure you give it a visit! Please give me a follow on Patreon too if you’re not already doing so, that way at the very least, you can keep up with my public posts (yeps, you can follow me there)! I really like the poem I wrote and shared there this morning though and I hope you can take a few minutes to visit and read it, and I would love your feedback or comments! I am extremely grateful for my Patrons, your support means I can continue blogging and writing, and it holds me accountable and makes me feel worthy to have your support! Writing has always been my dream. Thank you so much for your encouragement on my blog and on my Patreon, I’m truly grateful for you! ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for your encouragement and support in helping me grow as a writer and an artist!
I walk over streets frozen with fear I crawl through tunnels of bravery I’d travel an entire light-year To catch a moment of you How tall are words bleeding from your mouth I lick them and smear them over insecurities I wrap them with silence And tie a pretty bow over truth If only lies had butterfly wings And soft landings Were they short-lived And weightless Or sat bundled in a cocoon Per chance they were released in the night And lit up like fireflies Could we catch them easily?
I just got another Patron on my Patreon and it is so empowering to have your support, I am truly grateful! 😍
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Thank you for allowing me to push my boundaries and grow as a writer! Thank you for believing in me! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m actually excited about joining Patreon because the things that I share on Patreon I am not going to share anywhere else! I currently offer 1 tier at $1 monthly! If you’d like to support me, I’d love to have you as a subscriber! You can check out my profile at this link: www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I didn’t think it could hurt any deeper
Or that he could become a colder creature
He’s got a taste for evil and that’s only a teaser
The devil says he was born a natural deceiver
Deep he draws blood from within my vein
A master of lies and pain is his reign
An unmanly thing with a tarnished name
A useless boy always inheriting blame
You can lead a demon to heaven but you can’t make him enter
You can stomp on a flame but it still needs an ember
I can say I hate you but there’s still love in the center
I can pretend you don’t exist but your words I still remember
The crest on my chest
It means faithfulness
Loyalty cannot be bought
But it is hard fought
I loved you whole didn’t I
So why the blood no matter how I try
I am stuck at your crossroads
In pieces and fragmented shadows
Over and over I go over this lesson But no answers tell where the pain will lessen Just as I’m stable you throw another grenade I’ve been wounded in ways you can’t hurt with a blade
Lost may you be but I love you the same Hate is your hand but love is my aim Stuck in quicksand and on a frozen route Clouds of confusion but still love you devout
I suppose it’s more than a name, more than a code of honor, more than a tattoo…
Loyalty and faithfulness, it doesn’t really mean anything this day and age…I live in the minority… (but Faith is my middle name)There was a time long ago when a name meant something… Loyalty is about as rare as my smile…How many more stones are you going to toss at me? Dead again…
I’m trying to make repairs but I feel depleted Unlike invisibility, I’ve simply been deleted A guest where the heart never once was greeted But first in his line to always be mistreated
No pardon, no mercy Just a girl he will never see One weeping heart in agony Sad girl diary on repeat
Sad ghoulAngry vampyre Disappointed Confused and mostly misunderstood It’s possible I don’t care Lots of things are possible, like this growing hate for you… Do you always make the good ones wish they were never born!?!
Juggling bills
Swallowing pills
Killing the feels
Offering new deals
Promising cheers
Wherever there’s thrills
Upgrading my skills
Prepping for chills
Losing our wills
Marching in drills
Love without refills
Mistakes come and mistakes go
But love is threaded in the soul
You can cling to hate like a black hole
But it’ll leave you feeling less than whole
You can drop the rope and lose control
Or turn your heart black like charcoal
I’ve kissed lips that tasted of kings I’ve slept in halls where angels sing I’ve ridden sorrow through hells domain But in my heart is where he remains
In an outpour I bleed out the worst I expell the poison and simmer the curse If time were a remedy, I’d drink until full If his heart were a string, I’d give it a pull
Kings and queens and other things too
Honey, they won’t replace my love of you
Diamonds and roses and even poetry
You may have a million girls but they ain’t me
I’ve been through the pain and through the waste
I’ve tried them all they ain’t my taste
You are stubborn and you know it’s true
The universe says I was made for you
The idea originally was to answer the questions in rhyme beside the questions but then it sort of flowed out with the answers in the questions (or maybe implied between the lines). I was inspired by the micropoem I read below (hers is better)… 👇
“What are heavy? sea-sand and sorrow: What are brief? today and tomorrow: What are frail? Spring blossoms and youth: What are deep ? the ocean and truth.” ~ Christina Rossetti
I’ll take the middle of the night, when I’m feeling alright. I’ll take the middle of the rush, I can never get enough. I’ll take the middle of your love, where it fits like a glove. I’ll take the middle of the page, and the center of your stage. I’ll take the middle of your lie, the part you said you would try. I’ll take the middle of the day, it feels the same anyway! I’ll take the middle of knowing, that is where truth starts glowing. I’ll take the middle of goodbye, that’s where our love died. I’ll take the middle of nowhere, that’s the place I don’t care.
I guess you could say we are acquainted
We had similar falls, our wings are tainted
But now I am older and my sins have faded
And though it’s been decades, Lu has gladly waited
He knows I don’t like him coming around these quiet parts
But that doesn’t stop Lu from having a heart-to-heart
He may own the land but I have the right to depart
But the places I am going, may require some charts
He never knocks, he just enters the room
And my temperament goes from glad to gloom
The air gets colder as it’s filled with doom
I turn away and mumble, “I don’t wanna talk with you”
Lu takes a seat and starts whistling, “What I’m about to tell you might be chilling”
As I was headed to the door proudly not listening,
Lu started hissing
My step slowed and nearly faltered
From the snake gripping down under
And now the moment felt awkward
As I wondered this time what Lu offered
The thing we had most in common was our grin
Which is odd, given that, it should be sin
But when it comes to purity, I’m the best that’s ever been
And I heard him hissing “favorite” with the moonlight shining in (he’s at it again)…
Sun salutations Wrong allegations Misweighted information Long lines of waiting Years we spent wasting Love we’ve been chasing Hearts have been breaking So tired of hating Constantly debating Everyone is faking Lying & taking People are shaking The world is deteriorating
What sort of end are you after Destroyed it all, even the laughter Killed the love in the heart of the matter Took to flight, left agony here to gather
They are like Romeo and Juliet destined to be driven apart yet tethered together by the heart
Here it comes, the end again but this time he brought the apocalypse with him. Lasso my smile and pull down my grin cuz here it is the end again.
Did you know
Wherever you are
I still love you
Did you know Whoever you become I will always love you
And then he softly asked about my wants, “just forever babe, I’ll take forever babe”
Give my regards to Bacchus
Tell him I’m just a carcass
But if it wasn’t for his sweet wine
I might not make it through this time
He creates the wave Then punishes me for riding it The riptide pulls me under And he watches me persist
I thought I was falling I thought you would catch me I thought I was falling But it was only a hole For my soul Where did the love go? All I feel is empty And cold, in this beautiful hole You dug for me
Hello non-believer Of anything
Here lies a possibility, But could you believe her?
The edge is on the horizon The horizon is how you die But the wave you’re currently riding Is the fear you feel inside As the doom continues rising So does the panic to decide So now the boat where you were hiding Is now the place your soul has died As you think of all the times you tried And you let go of hope one final time Blame the shade of sorrow for why you cried And your final word becomes goodbye
If you ever feel the sadness in you growing
You never were the reason for me going
Sorry if you saw my love as poison
When it comes to failure I was the chosen
And to a world that’s evermore vacant
You weren’t the reason for me ever staying
Love was something I never knew And if my love was warm well now it is frozen
Take the wool and pull it over someone else’s eyes please
It’s like everyone is set on destruction mode And I am set to go… here’s the code, 123, watch me blow But what happened? I don’t know
And the sign says “you are too qualified”
And the sign read “you are too good”
I apply instead and still get denied
He’ll reply and say “you misunderstood”
And the eye will say “all welcome here” And the room will stare, “are you misplaced dear” And the mind will lie and replace the fear And his hand extends, “this way’s not clear”
Take for granted my kindness I give to you Take for granted the nights I tried to get through Take my love and bury it six feet under too You can’t kill it no matter what you do
She’s at it again, same ole tricks Like a snake using sex to lure sin Like a witch with a capture potion It’s the only way she can get any licks
She was a doll and they all wanted her to break.
You’re getting close, getting close, getting closer You’re moving fast, always last, getting older Nobody knows, though we asked, for some closure Same ratios, lethal dose, then it’s over
An angel slipped from the clouds of heaven
Looking over eternity to get a better view of him
Golden gates spread into the wide open
She spiraled down the hope of his dreams
And he awoke with her feather under his pillow
And from its tip, he spilled his ink all over her future
She danced among the wails of purgatory Decades she waited outside walls of longing She stabbed the night so light could shine through And every star that twinkles is a wish she made for you His step grows lighter, while her wing drags across his bruise Her heart carries the weights of love Her love so pure an ounce can make dreams come true
I slip into his poetry like a favorite pair of pajamas.
Living alone, hiding decline Rainbows to prison at anytime Dust keeps collecting above his faint shrine So he keeps to settling among the lost swine
To me, he’s worth more than any gold
Long ago his self-worth was sold
He dwells among shadows as he was once told
He’ll need to find his courage to be bold
He’s so deep in me
My aura is spinning
And through spirals I’m swimming
In a loop of beginnings
And with a touch of fate, no endings
These soulquakes
Like pieces of Sycamore branching off
Exposing the white of the bark
Exposing the light from within my sweet heart
These pieces break off so you can build an ark
Now take your worry and leave it in the dark
Oh my goodness, kinda long, I hope it wasn’t too boring. I’m sorry my intelligence is that of a child and I can’t lure you in with exotic words and fancy punctuation. I know I’m not enough, I never have been voluptuous in any area. *sigh
PoeEternal 