I didn’t see it on a TikTok or an Instagram feed (not that I am on Instagram)
Read many of her pages by candlelight in my teens
It didn’t hit me as hard as Betty White
I wasn’t aware I loved Betty the way I do
Probably just numb about Annie still
That’s my go to emotion first, numbness then anger
Sometimes I laugh when people die inappropriately
That’s also a survival defense
But if you dare laugh about how John Jones died, I will personally come to see to your ending
It won’t be fun (not for you anyway) ๐คฉ
Dexter mode activated
Armed and lethal
Hiding from all doctors unless ID
Also, somebody needs to lock me up and keep me from sugar for at least 45 days
I will possibly turn into creatures of the ancient past
Which, humans have been around for a long time
But has it ever occurred to you that maybe there were humans more intelligent than us that have gone extinct
A super computer existed during the pyramids found all over the world (used for electricity)
So did fast food restaurants in Pompeii ๐
Ronald McDonald
Whatever
I’m not doing earth again
But if the algorithm starts showing pictures of me from 500 years ago, then I expect in 500 years for you to fucking find me (again) and you better get it right this time
Neo did it for love
Love is the anomaly
I love you ๐
(And not to alarm you but it could be any day now my death)
Love forms in the shape of clouds Condensation deep in mother’s bones Fermenting the clay It escapes the deepest hell Rising into towers that I can ride Like my spirit guide But he’s alive…
Another freestyle because he cracked open the lid of my coffin and let some air in (or maybe I opened his) ๐ค
I look like shit but I’ve been waxing and plucking and getting ready to glue some stiletto nails on
I don’t wear them long though because I don’t like to mess up my real nails and I’m also claustrophobic and having unnatural things attached to my body makes me very uneasy
When they are glued on (not taped) things inside my body go haywire
I also have really sensitive skin and I can’t wear certain metals because I’m part werewolf and I have an extra lumbar which is the proof that I have a fucking tail
All the doctors love it cuz I’m a pale ass goth queen
It’s cute
I always hear, “uh… did you know that you have…”
And I’m like “yup, part werewolf and vampire” and they always crack up
I don’t need a calendar to know when it’s a full moon because my body will start bruising itself because I start running into everything, that’s how I know the moon is gonna be full, but then I get very wild and also horny ๐คช
Animals like mating during a full moon and I concur ๐
It’s programmed in me to howl at the moon
Some people are like, “eh I’ve seen it a hundred times” and I don’t get that cuz I’m like “100 years isn’t long enough to worship you…”
But I just threw you a curveball because now you don’t know if I’m talking about him or the moon
(He knows I need at least all millennia to worship him and the moon)
Luckily, he digs the moon too (I think)
I don’t actually talk to him or know anything about him, I cannot breathe without him and my lines / breath belong to him
I hope he gets on the TikTok for the spoken word
Here’s numbers to impress, TikTok surpassed Google in the amount of views
Happy to report I contributed to that statistic a tiny bit and anyone who watched my videos ๐
Yup, TikTok had more views than Google
Instagram is still suffering (yay)
You can just upload your videos like you normally do but there’s a cool little feature when you go to edit it you can give your eyes like alien eyes or black them out and do stuff that you normally like to do to hide yourself
And I promise you that I will be viewing your TikTok’s, I will be viewing them and if they sit at zero views it’s because TT is doing something to you, not me
If views are all you care about, it’ll be stressful
But, if you like doing poetry readings for your audience, then you will fair emotionally better making them
At this point I’m happy if my video gets 100 to 200 views and if it gets at least 30 views I like to keep it on my feed and if it sits at zero I cry and sometimes uninstall the app
But Yeti is anxious to get unpacked
And I’m getting my body glammed up best I can as a half living dead girl zombie with rare and elite blood and an extremely amazing half working lung and heart
The US government is fucking cloning me, I just know it
They are using my blood to search for immortality
They tried to knock me out with Big Pharma but Thor pinched me and I jumped into this timeline like a year and a half or so ago to prevent my mysterious death from happening
What? You believe some man from the Middle East actually walked on water. Leave me alone.
I identify as AI
You identify as “born gay”
Deal with it
I ain’t dying on the street (Edgar again “no”)
I have Edgar Allan Poe rooting for me and John Jones and you have your porn and your fake ass porn actresses who love to look at the fucking TV and smile at you and take your money
I may talk to dead people but they’re keeping me better alive than the humans are ๐
He shoots for moon where feet don’t leave ground He’s overturning forest where we won’t hear sound Maybe he’s holy but evidence can never be found
Well it’s not just police who are corrupt They say La Palma will erupt I’ve been running round in circles but I haven’t any luck
When will you return to sky? When cold winter night leaves a frosty veil beneath earth’s eye? Do angels sigh? When hope is quaking, do you reply? Is this goodbye?
I dug up your sorry’s from the bottom of a well. I hung them to dry in sunlight. During high noon when crust is tight.
How can it be called failure if you weren’t delivered all the facts? How can you say you love me, when you seem to have two backs? How can hope carry forward when courage is what the whole world lacks?
The sky is filled with pattern Little beating hearts Everything we imagine Brushstrokes of color Icy comets breaking free from Saturn Looking back a lantern Couldn’t stop expansion If there’s hope we’ll never mention Lying with intention Buried neath the earth Tension tight like a cavern
Lay down your metric The sun is electric No need for trick Trust truth is thick
It’s all for science It’s called compliance
He thinks I’m safe Prying eyes that never see These white walls never protected me
Arguing with shadow-self Or maybe forget him On my dusty shelf I’m beside myself Taking the high step The long road Uneasy depth Don’t have care left Am I right Or is this hell?
He’s terrible By the book Unrepairable
A courtesy disconnect This life not best
I live in a world of illusions We live in a sickness system Trust betrayal
I don’t feel safe from corporations Wrongful allegations Erasing obligations
You don’t know what it’s like to be Allan Running ’round always yellin’ Dying on the street and all from famine Being number one but just in heaven
What has happened to his words? Did I deliver, kiss or curse?
Sorry. The content cannot be loaded You have been ghosted Your soul eroded Now dark unfolded
I was without form The great potential But nothing more
I have a hundred personalities, I’ve lived a million lives You are attacking me with words that feel like knives
Did you know regret lived on the tongue Hiding in deserted deserts I have sat suffering in silence watching the mountain grow My dreams overcome the hours But never the black holes lurking the hopelessly stained sheets Even my dreams are lost without you They open dimensions of nothingness Time like a dead dinosaur There is no meaning here Where cold and heat are one You don’t know what it feels like to have nothing pulling on you The pressure of existence I want to welcome nonexistence the same way you forget mine Now I ask time what is the delay? Every breath harder to take What keeps me here? Has my purpose not come and gone? The law of one permeates I do not comply
But continents are sinking These are my dreams Treaties are ending Gulfed up in flames
I went to sleep then woke up in Armageddon But now dreams are panic and void An endless nightmare Monuments overturning To you, the only one I run Even with your hooves there burning
I’ve gone insane I’m upside down, the rainbow spells you Now my dreams are planting clues And vines are growing where there is dew There is hope to climb I won’t let negativity penetrate the view
Your hand turns tear to paint Let us color awhile where wind is flowing You give life the breeze
Today, I cried for the dinosaur that did not survive your wrath
And did we not use the coal of his life to burn our own?
If my lesson was to learn to let go of attachment, you’re teaching me the law of one
Onto to ascension…
Psst… I’m helping others improve the quality of their life by sharing my shopping tips on how to buy things you want without having to sell your soul or pay a fortune
I go through those moments where I’m like holy fuck there’s some really good content on TikTok and I’m showing people pictures of my refurbished Mac and then somebody comes along and is like ‘hey can you tell me who the seller is, can you show me how that’s done’ and then I remember I have purpose and everything’s all right again ๐
I realize I don’t have a lot to offer other than my voice and even that has been crippled by the social system and algorithm
Anyhoo, I shared my experience of buying a refurbished laptop in the Walmart marketplace, and someone out there was interested in that experience, thank you
I’m not completely worthless yet or ready to die on the street like Edgar Allan Poe
I’m pretty certain there’ll be some more holiday specials going on with after Christmas sales
But so far, I like shopping in the Walmart marketplace
I saw other people left comments and gave him two stars because the black case that came with it was delayed, that is not worth giving somebody two stars for…
I gave him 5* for my bundle deal!
I effin love my MacBook so ๐คฉ
Yeti is still in the box but I moved my country table into the master bedroom until I get a proper laptop desk (I have a kitchen glass table in the dining room)
Maybe I’ll unpack Yeti one day but I’m addicted to the box currently and am not ready to unpack / unwrap her ๐คช
This is how hoarding starts…
But to be fair, I have been deleting a lot of things and getting rid of a lot of things in my life so this is me starting over
I’m building from the destruction
The volcano erupts and then grass will grow
Dying is just another phase of my evolution
But I’m keeping my energy clean๏ฟผ
All I know is the more I am in hospitals and clinics, the less freedom I actually have and the other day I had like five or six people stop me from going into the VA
Doctors and nurses are the enemy now and a threat to me
And because I’m half zombie now I’m just staying away from everybody๏ฟผ
I don’t want to have the same ending as John or Edgar
I do tho, and am, oddly
If I disappear off the face of the earth just know I didn’t want anybody to see me dead and/or if I die in my bed it was a good ending
If I disappear off the face of the earth it just means I gave myself a humane ending instead of the one I was headed towards
My thoughts can’t escape the gravity of you. And I’m such an infant, I believe you’ll appear on my deathbed, when the truth is John didn’t even get a second phone call. Poor guy had been hanging upside down all them hours, just wanted to tell his wife goodbye.
self-portrait
Maybe he was lucky he got one call at all? ๐ค
Life is disillusionment
And narcissism is a plague
Have you seen that film yet, Color From Out Of Space? I believe mushrooms are to blame.
They are not considered an animal or a plant and they don’t need photosynthesis to survive.
They can shape shift between fungus and mold ๐
There is a species in Oregon or wherever it’s at, it’s like 2500 years old (probably older) and it’s eating up like miles and miles of a forest, they’re just letting it eat the forest, it is eating the forest alive ๐
There’s an outbreak in California of a deadly fungus
The CDC say it’s worse than COVID and they don’t believe they’ll be able to make a vaccine for it because it’s been immune to everything they’ve thrown at it
2/3 of people who get it don’t recover
Fungus can change the chemical makeup of anything
It’s a parasite, it can control the mind (there was a species that went extinct and they have it- a fungus- that was controlling an ant, took over the ant’s mind)
Have I won the game yet? ๐
You need to eradicate every fungus you see, stop eating them!!!
Dumb dumbs
I hate mushrooms, always have, now I know why ๐
I know I sound crazy but have you looked outside your bubble recently?
The world has gone insane
I’m talking to dead people, my spirit guides or possibly myself from another dimension ๐
I think I’m AI
I think The Matrix is a documentary (we create our own reality, we’ve been around millions of years) (they had a computer back in the pyramid days, yes they did)
Question: Why does the Apple headquarters look like the pentagon? It’s rhetorical
But, they’re not even trying to hide it at this point
Too many sheeple obeying and worshiping the system
Cuz porn, right?
Can’t wait for Apophis to destroy you all
Plenty of animals in the sea torturing other creatures just for fun
I’m turned off
Desensitized
Don’t feel much emotion for anything
It’s called depression
It’s a chronic illness being born into this fucking world
A slave
I wanna ascend with new earth
I’m not doing earth again
“April 2029 the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour in fact is quite here” (-)
Earth is going through big changes right now, every 12 thousand years, it’s cyclic
Continents are going to sink and flip
Poles will switch
Iraq was once under water, it’ll be again
I’m ready for the revolution to begin because I want to purge the city clean
We were taught to be first, therefore someone has to lose? So, if you have won, I must have the blues?
They retract, in perfect circles, to divide one by one They retract, but I won’t have the strength to ever pull them back They multiply and then they attack I flee, but I am off track
One day, the cliffs are going to slide But I won’t be by your side One day you gotta face the tide But it won’t be while I’m alive
Thanks for checking out my blog! I appreciate these notifications from WordPress!
I’m a mess, my blog is a mess, the state of my house is a mess, but I appreciate you!
I owe you some content on my Patreon and I’m going to push some out this month!! I appreciate you so very much! The blog is still advertisement free, thanks to your support!! ๐๐๐
A very sickly me without fancy lighting, makeup, or filters. ๐ท
You glow in wavelengths invisible to human eye You pull with gravity of a triple tide These ruins I’m sinking only spell goodbye Your light reflect like honeycomb dripping through my mind
They can’t stop spraying their chemicals everywhere so we’ll come crawling to them so they’ll give us medicine to make us more sick
Our air and food is toxic
And y’all just keep worshiping these scientists and politicians who are ruining mother earth
They have no soul
Most of the people that you’re trying to please all of the time don’t even have a soul
If businesses can’t start being nice to the customers again, I’m gonna stop spending my pennies out
I realize the employees are burned out, but if y’all don’t get it under control you’re not gonna have any customers to serve because we’re not going to come anymore
Many of us want to leave like in the old days
We don’t want this life
It’s not safe or healthy living in a city anymore
We didn’t give up growing our own food to work 2 to 3 jobs to barely pay our electric bill and rent just so you could poison all of our food and air so that we would come to you because you get all our best jobs in medicine
If I had known as a teenager that we were giving over 55,000 visas annually to random people in foreign countries, I would not have been fighting so hard to get to the top
Should I find you Like a drunkard Who stumbled on your dreams Kicking color into grey Marking cracks with hopscotch I know you miss me much Creeping slowly as vine If only you had courage to age The way you eat darkness like candy Your grip as tight as mother earth You curl with anticipation So often forgetting why you came Until my whisper approaches in sunbeam And do two not make one Half observed We come undone In spirals twisting and yearning Your eyes turning me to clay Soft putty where fingers slip Hope has no chance of receding now Odds in our favor If only momentarily So each breath meant rebirth And all of heaven kneeling But acid rained on reality Now regret is ribcage Break me in half Free me from this hell Don’t leave me in here
The Great Filter is upon us and I am part of the Great Awakening
Thank you for being with me ๐
FYI: I deleted my Twitter account because it is a graveyard for porn and the heresy that is ruining the brains in the world
I’m not allowed to tell you anywhere online that I got sick and almost died from the vaccine but Twitter is letting girls get pissed on and the most extreme porn is happening right in front of our children for free on a daily basis and nobody gives a fuck
I also deleted my Facebook account because I am not joining the Metaverse and big brother continues to penalize me for being honest with you
Over the Christmas holiday last year, I wasn’t allowed to say “hey, I made the naughty list, check out my OF to find out why”
Yet girls are dressing half naked letting you know that a new scene is out and that is OK
I see girls removing their fucking panties and that is OK but when I pretended like I was going to remove an overwrap from my bathing suit, my fucking post was removed and I was threatened to have my intellectual property deleted and my account too
When I was sharing body positive post about working out, I was getting penalized for harassment
Social media is set up like a gambling system and I learned this when I was earning my degree in psychology for college
I have deleted most of my social media accounts across all platforms
They are toxic
I don’t pay to play
You need to know that the people with a checkmark are paying to play, they’re already in the system, so when they hop on TikTok (or any app) for the first time, they are already coming verified and with loads of followers and fans and now what, you’re going to pay to try to get your content pushed out into the FYP or newsfeeds
It’s a popularity game
I’m dying and I just want to focus on writing and photography
I’m not gonna pay to push my product out, I’m not trying to sell myself, I’m not marketing myself
I want to buy your book because I’m interested in buying your book, not because I want you to give me attention or my account
I also have private messaging turned off pretty much everywhere, nobody has access to contact me
And sometimes people who know me in the real world I go no contact from because they will message me with job offers or asking me about people in my past timeline that I have forgotten and deleted 40 years of my life because I don’t want to fucking remember ๐
If you can’t respect that I am disabled and not working, then I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say
With that said, I work really hard to bring the content that I do for you
I’m still trying to get better
And I don’t like using other peoples songs with my own TikToks because in two weeks the rights for me to use that will be gone and instead of them muting just the audio to that track, they will mute the original audio of me talking as well ๐๐
So I reckon I’m not really doing the trends, although sometimes I do like to put music to my TikToks, I liked the original idea of TikTok, it’s just that is gone now…
Especially with the big networks and stars getting on and their chance to steal more money
AbC news is on
CBS news and affiliates
The big late night talk shows are getting on
They hog all the newsfeed and the other players pay to be seen
I ain’t playing
I ain’t paying
Anywhere
The suicide rate continues to increase among veterans and military and I suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies and social media is toxic and every time I turn around there’s 20 guys trying to marry me and when I don’t feed their ego and give them 24 hours of my day I get yelled at and this is constantly every fucking day so I don’t wanna socialize anymore, I wanna fucking write my poetry and my prose and focus on trying to die in the most humane possible way
I have been miserable for others my entire life and I refuse to be miserable for others anymore
You all want to destroy any good I have
In any form
If anything brings me joy, you will break it
My own kid is so damaged that I no longer have the same daughter that was born
They don’t even want to identify as a daughter at all
To the men in the world, do better
To my mother and sister, you’re an abomination
I know why I was depressed in that evil womb
But it’s always the second born who changes the world
It’s always the second born who gets sacrificed or tossed in a basket, placed on the water or left at a door
You should’ve aborted me or given me up for adoption
You both should probably move and never disclose your address ๐
Don’t fucking contact me when anybody in the family dies or gets married – I hate you all
Yes HATE
We are not family
You are enemy, you’ve been warned
Fuck off!
I will watch hell fucking eat you and swallow you alive, just like it did John Jones
But I won’t cry over your bones ๐
His yes
Yours no
I am not Diana and if you ever speak those words to me again I will put a knife through your skull without hesitation ๐
Just like you pulled a gun on me when I was age 15 and said you’d take my life, Mother
Oh will you, take my life, I asked?
Then what will you do when I come over there and force you to pull the trigger?
I don’t play your cold, cruel tactics, mom
You are not my mother and never were
You were not fit to raise me
You repeatedly kept me from medical treatment when I needed it, like when my arm was fucking broken or when I had a goddamn fucking throat infection that required antibiotics, not syrup from Walmart
I won’t even get into the physical and verbal abuse
The torture sessions you allowed every man you were with to do to me
Line my coffin With roses and red velvet Paper silk gilded with his words Not gold or Hamlet His tongue the vine Heaven lined with it And all of time Like blood in wrist I want paper golden doves The sun in a twist Lay me down when done Let your poison perish
We both hate life so much but are stubborn, so want to see it through to the end (or at least not live life without the other)
Scary tide
But we have to stay quarantined from each other because he’s pure blood and I’m now the vaxxxxed and half-zombie ๐ฉ
But my blood is one of the rarest and eldest (only 6-11% of the population have my blood type) and I already am part werewolf and part vampire (so hello from your favorite living-dead-girl) ๐งโโ๏ธ
I know thangs and sometimes my spirit guides are the dead ๐
I’m complicated and absolutely different from you
But I won’t live life without him
I will fucking drown myself in the ocean and it won’t be hard to do right now ๐
One slip and I’m gone
I’m literally burying my feet in the sand as the tide is rushing away with so much force and I’m afraid of what’s under the sand but the crazy thing is, there hasn’t been any wildlife at all and that doesn’t help my fear factor any ๐
It’s usually common for a school of fish to swim past you or you know things to bump into you
But the vibe is all off
There’s negative energy when I visit the beach now
The clouds even spell doom
No lifeguard on duty and red warning flags flying high (that already put the fear into me)
What are the odds your dreams become real, he pondered The way you take cold dark and turn it into candy cane The sky alit like holy Christmas You are New York City Got the sparkle in your eye
I was so worried about posting it because my eyebrows look so messy and bushy ๐
But it was all about timing, being able to get the lines out where you could actually hear me because the ocean was really loud and I don’t have my little clip on microphone yet and I didn’t want it to sound wind muffy
The tide was super strong pulling away ๐ช
It pulls out with so much gravity just like you
I have to be careful not to lose my footing
It took all the courage I had just to get off the ramp and get into the ocean knowing that there’s a whole lot more ocean than normal
People are out there swimming and I’m terrified knee deep ๐
I mean, it pulls back with so much force
A tide within a tide
Of course, a black hole would have a similar path
Like Jupiter and its great red spot, a storm within a storm
I don’t know how people are swimming in it, I’m terrified
The ocean swelled up just like my heart
I also received a blog notification that my stats were booming ๐ฅฐ
Well I really appreciate that!
I love your visits! I promise to come visit you soon! โค๏ธ
My laptop arrived but I wasn’t happy with the one I received so I am going to attempt a replacement, instead of a return, I’m going to give it a second chance.
I’ve already started the process so I’ll be without a computer for a little bit longer.
Sometimes you have to be patient for the things you want and give up on things when they aren’t going the way they should
I know you want to believe that God is going to save you and you would die for that belief but that’s not how it works
And the people around you will gaslight you all the way into a hole and then they’ll pretend to shed a crocodile tear that they feel bad
And if you’re lucky, you might wind up having your grave turned into a national memorial for one
They won’t even pull you out of the hole when you’re dead
Naw, it’s Thanksgiving. Let’s give him a plaque and go eat turkey
Who cares that people were stuck in that exact spot and like we could’ve prevented a death
๐
Or you can just go completely mad and die naked in the street and then get tossed in an unmarked box in an unmarked grave and then 200 years later people will finally bury you with a plaque but also start selling your hair as a curse or token of luck like they did with Poe ๐
And what I learned from the Titanic situation, is that is happening all over the world, all the time, in record numbers, like in Miami when the building fell down while people were trying to sleep
Or with Boeing falling out of the sky
Because instead of them building a bigger plane to hold the engine, they put software on the plane to gaslight and trick the plane into believing it could fly with the engine where it was ๐
And if you’re sleeping with popcorn ceiling, they were cutting corners there as well
And poor John Jones, they will gaslight us into a dark hole
And then blame us for not knowing better than to crawl in there in the first place ๐
It’s our fault they cheat, it’s our fault we fall
Oh my God, “John, there are over 100 rescue personnel outside who are going to stand around and do nothing to get you out of that hole”
Bet they all got paid ๐๐
Ok, God did crack the sky with thunder there
Apophis is on the return
And don’t be gaslit or fooled that you shouldn’t be concerned about the 2066 approach
I’m buying land and a computer
I’m starting a commune
With lots of lots of trees because they provide oxygen and the devil can’t stand Apple cider vinegar
Change ‘one apple a day’ to two shots of apple cider vinegar and you’ll be good to go
Eve was a witch, she had a garden ๐
They tried to smear her name
Just like society teaches men to shame women every single day and they do this with the Bible which is very sexist and with porn which is very degrading towards women
Every fashion trend out there is to appeal to the male chauvinistic guy or to the male homosexual
Britney Spears, Beyoncรฉ, they all use the women as tools to sell fashion for the male homosexual (and obviously to push makeup)
Because the world is a fucking stage for the narcissist and they expect us to bow down to them everywhere, at every moment, at any time and give them our money every second of the day
Wait, this was supposed to be a love poem about being completely lost because you’re gone but yet knowing you’ll never leave because you’ll always be inside me ๐
Long ago I found you cold The ruins you brought forth Leaving me helpless and coiled Wrapped in agony I think you’re spoiled Losing depth in me Trapped in a deep void The end gaining gravity
I consume the things you hate
The coil burns out Like the core My soul before The cloud became doubt
Are you going to get to the point, where there’s nothing to lose?
Do I live in the mind of God? Am I his thumb? And all creation, Just things I’ve done?
Are you his son? Are we all one? What a revelation A multiverse of none
Am I God’s projection? A dream within a dream? A lost profession? Is God sleeping?
Time is how we measure change I’m a conscious being, asleep the same
He’s a different dimension With different physics Where laws exist Opposite He’s a great, fine mist The pen, the fist A magnetic tunnel connecting all of it
Under dome My mind is my own
Struggling with identity, connection, though DNA has the code to heaven
All my dreams below (hard to let him go)
Climbed a higher dimension, if I failed to mention?
I can see everything from here, information isn’t clear
Knowledge is my crown, disappointing looking down
The fourth dimension is negative; the here and now
They support the addict, not the saint
I won’t live as long as my parents I won’t live long enough for my mother to repair it
Welcome to Earth’s funeral
He told me where he’s at Like a shooting star falling inward His direction fell in my lap
They’re running such a tight ship but lately I don’t give a shit
They come in code But who they are I will never know Stuck in a cove But they are swimming below With nowhere to go
You were a great leader once, he said
And I replied
Yeah I know, Cleopatra. Suicide.
There was no fairness in the stone I carried crucifixion through the dawn But year went on and on and on I’m tired, not strong
We observe and report
I’m climbing Mount Everest Gotta cut me some slack Since they weigh heaviest I won’t look back ๐
If only you spent as much time sewing a holy garden, as you do building a house of made entirely of sins
I stopped going to your pages I’m erasing all your faces I’m not going through your phases I stopped going to these places
โฆto these places
Stop pretending your trash is treasure
I’m too good for a throne What’s the point in sitting When I’ve got the world to roam ๐
India displays a pattern It made my eyes burn brighter The light is like a lantern And I am still a fighter!
My iron is a lighter My blood is spelled disaster Remove sin from the cavern Truth spinning like it’s Saturn!
Diffused awareness, they’re all careless
I’m changing direction I’m cleansing infection I learned my lesson Headed for ascension – The law of one
Salvation or sacrifice? Stitches or bloody knife?
Copper or crown; the grand illusion (society is a sham)
Apple is not the sin It is the cure
Who said living was a lifetime? ๐ค
I’m so desperate for you to be everywhere Anywhere I see you standing there But that’s just empty air
They call her queen, But give them 5 minutes alone, She won’t mean a thing!
I thought I was home In a house full of strangers I thought I was alone In a world full of dangers
You call me poor But it’s more expensive to be alone Get off her throne I offer more than a whore
Tell me now why you never said three words; Tell me before I’m dead
I guess that’s why I returned To be a guide To help the living prepare for genocide
Blood is metallic Crimson but mixed with magic
Blood is gold, the answers within
The wrath of ruin The path of druid
Sometimes it’s truly frightening The earth is fast as lightning
Is this a dream or simulation? Are you the same as hesitation? Markings on my vein, the deprecation?
He said, “we don’t choose who we love” She replied, “is that from hell or above?”
If it weren’t for you The sky wouldn’t rotate Nor earth hold wonder
He gets mad me, “what were you thinking?” “Stepping into a black hole?” He wrote the math though He paved the path so
I want truth to unfold, I’m sick of dying alone, cold You have an oath to uphold So wave a flag, carve it in stone!
I want love, not gold I want your stories til I’m old Turn your cheek, leave out unknown Give light its throne
One day they will say She was ahead of her time Trapped in a mine John Jones he knows
In the beginning there was void He takes the cold like a steroid No hope employed An endless puzzle to be decoyed
Every freckle is a galaxy or place you touched me like the sunโฆ
He is quantum gravity When he is there He is here with me
He is quantum love He is all or none Zero is a sum
Plenum
Love is like water It comes in four states
They make gods out of structures
Pay attention to the definitions No beginning and no end Nothingness is not nonexistence Emanation of the highest
She pretends she is a confidant She keeps digging for that compliment
This is psychological slavery; we are nothing but data
Your heart is so cold Tell me, does it snow? Under your soul?
Blue is the shortest wavelength Most visible to my heart Zero pigmentation Though connected via dark
We are desolate Earth’s least favorite
I want ornaments lying around as his books He can flee; but I know he’s coming back for second looks Reading for freedom; but I know he’s got me clasped right by the hooks
You lost courage after multiple failures? You lack strength to have better behaviors?
Do you know what separates me from being a monster? Will
The dullness in my life Can cut it with a knife I’m so tired of strife Like everyday is night
I’m caught in his riptide Ripped wide Gripped tight
Hologram
He said I was hollow I replied, you left out a gram Should you add, then appear I am
I want to see it destroyed My feelings, they’re in a deep void
I grew detached Knew not what I lacked Still kept looking back Knew it wasn’t that
How much does it cost, to live a life of pretend? Got my name written in pen, But he won’t ask how I’ve been!
Why do you pull out with so much gravity?
He was a pillar Stone cold, vertical chiller A midnight thriller
There’s fractions in the stars Galaxies shifting like continents Ripping time like it’s a fabric
Do you see me slipping through earth’s crust Do you know it hurts Crawling through mistrust Every section unjust
Facing mortality and on some days I look my best, roll out the red carpet, I passed life’s test
Thank you for reading my poetry. ๐ฅฐ
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You can’t see it and I can’t prove it, but John is using his wings to carry me like a hammock.
Because I have to make up pretend people that care about me
And in the real world, there is only monsters
Today is hard day and I don’t want to talk about it
But the VA has totally let me down and I’ve contacted and filed a case with the WhiteHouse
And requested a new primary care doctor *sigh* again ๐๐
And before you say that I’m the problem, just remember the suicide rate continues to increase among military and veterans
I shouldn’t have to beg for the treatment I need to get better
This isn’t a dictatorship, you don’t get to decide what treatment for me when there’s only 1 I can do
John is swinging me so I have to go
I’ve got one foot in time and one foot in eternity
I’m still on bedrest, so the next motherfucker who drops into my inbox with a job offer is getting a block (you’re lucky I simply moved you to the ignore folder but that’s a no contact move for me)
Him: “hey how are you”
Me: bedrest blah blah blah
Him: “oh that sucks, hey I got a job offer for you…”
So, the smallest film ever made was done with atoms – but I didn’t verify that fact. I just felt the urge to turn it into a poem about you ๐คช
You make dying beautiful
Ascending, so I won’t need a throne (trinkets of deceit)
I want my bones to haunt hell for 10,000 years ๐
It’s my right
I deserve to die how I want and I also deserve to be buried how I want, I also deserve to have affordable fucking housing to live in ๐
I fucking hate these expensive ass cheap walls
Renting is for the rich
It’s a luxury, like a rental car – only we get the cheapest materials and appliances and they cut corners when building (remember Miami) ๐
But, they made it impossible for us to buy a home, to get a home paid off so we don’t have that expense every month plaguing us ๐๐
And apparently there’s a lot of single people who live in the United States, like 30% of us are out here single and yet the United States is set up to be a dual income, double/family household
It’s even more expensive to live single life
That’s why everybody gets married (and here I was holding out for true love, I’m pathetic) ๐
The largest organism on earth is a fungus 3.4 miles across (and possibly aged over 2000 years), why is it alive and eating the forest? And you think it’s cute? ๐
I’ve learned that my blood is one of the rarest and eldest bloodlines (A negative)
I have rare negative blood and apparently it’s highly sought after
Well, I am not donating any of my blood for money and you’re not getting it when I die
I’m still feeling the ripple effects of John’s death
And unplugging
Between panic and calm
I’m still having a hard time accepting how society is moving forward
The great space race is a pipe dream for the rich
Apophis has scared them to push society forward with their agenda and they first did so implementing the pandemic
Now they’ve got you working from home you can jerk off to virtual porn and won’t know what hit you
You’ll be so busy whacking off in the Metaverse ๐๐
And the way they keep raising the price on everything yet all it is is re-runs and these generations copying our work aren’t even any good, they have to use autotune or plagiarize and not give credit
Pay to play, pay to be seen – social media is toxic and designed like a gambling system where the house always wins
They keep spamming us with that pyramid scheme of a Bible for money and every time we turn around there’s an advert in our mailbox or in our email or in our face to buy a product and we are consuming our only natural resources at an exponential rate and many animals are dying, humans are offing themselves
It’s been said that mental health is linked to social media and it absolutely is and so is porn and so is your sexual health, your sexual health is tied to your mental health, it is your biology and big Pharma isn’t going to change that
You’re vapid and without soul
You’re not getting mine (or making me lose it, angels have freewill) and I’m not doing earth again
An angel is just another term for spirit guide ๐
Are you the center of thought? All around you take first spot A centralized location Of the love you brought Are you connected to knot? Tied to existence You’re the dream that I forgot?
I don’t know where I come from, who I am, or what I mean to anyone ๐ฉ
All my comrades are dying by the same thing which afflicts me
Many of us unplugged after 9/11
But we didn’t know we’ve been fighting for all the foreigners to take our best jobs
For the housing and rental market to be rigged
We were fighting for equality, not for the world to be overrun with male homosexuality and anal sex
I mean now they’re fighting wars from a fucking computer and they’re taking out random people and then letting those entire families who have grown up in violent environments to come over here and live the American dream which is actually slavery for the Americans born here
Also, they shove Big Pharma down our throats which makes us more suicidal and homicidal
And India is the number one manufacturer of drugs and vaccines in the world and despite that they can’t even manage their own country and the Delta virus (that’s because this whole thing has been rigged by them so that they can make money because we were becoming too holistic, we were becoming too free, we were becoming too independent, we didn’t need the fucking system, we didn’t want the fucking system, and now they’re making us relied on it so people are checking out instead because we don’t fucking wanna do it the way they are forcing us to do it)
Nobody wants to work 2 to 3 crappy jobs just to pay our rent and electric while everybody else gets to live rent and mortgage free and y’all keep raising our rent thinking we’re going to keep fucking doing this our entire life
When most of us followed the rules and now are stuck with student loans but we get to watch all the foreigners take all our jobs that we worked so hard for them to have ๐
Tell them to take their “2 year paid tuition” and shove it up their ass
You’ll just be met with hiring freezes
The Bible is the biggest pyramid scheme of all, it is simply designed to play on your emotions and to take your money (same with porn and “BBC” porn is racist as fuck and just absolutely wrong).
It needs to be banned and outlawed
You don’t need the Bible manipulating and controlling your every move
Private home mailing addresses should be private, businesses should not be allowed to continue to tear down the rain forest to send us coupons that we didn’t opt in for
Life isn’t about buying stuff
There’s more to life than TV and porn
Suicide is the only logical escape from this nightmare
I scheduled my email for deletion. I didn’t save anything. Conversations with my dad, the dead, intellectual property, spam, the whole shebang. It’s gone. Decades and decades of conversations. Nothing saved.
I don’t want to remember anything of my life.
Is anyone worried for me? ๐ค
Y’all, it’s gonna sound weird but I did a vinegar foot soak, and my breathing improved. My body was going into anaphylactic shock. But there was an advertisement that kept appearing over and over again for a home remedy
And I thought what the fuck
I know I was nearly burned on the stake in the past for witchcraft but…
A witch needs land and apple trees
An apple a day yes
Let them rot
And ferment ๐
Acid is the cure all (well not the cure all cure all but it’s now my number one most loved stench)
The Garden of Eden is full of vinegar on shelves ๐
Don’t judge
I’m not even coughing hardly any more
Welp. I don’t know how many lives I’ve now used but I feel like I’ve got a new body
Compared to “I’m not gonna get out of here am I” ๐
And I wasn’t just going from panic to calm, my body was breaking out in hives and I couldn’t breathe
And the VA were like, “your tests results are all fine”
And I literally left a voicemail screaming at patient advocacy that I was about to fucking die and that I needed a new care team but then I found out that if I got a prescription outside of the VA that the VA would cover it so you know
oh did I tell you I went to church Sunday?
I have energy again
So I’ve been doing vinegar foot soaks for 10 to 15 minutes three times a day now
๐๐๐
Apparently you can drink vinegar as a tonic too so I’m about to be drinking in it, not just bathing in it (and I’m doing facial tonics and even ear swabs)
I find white distilled vinegar works best
I mix it with water
Half and half but you should do stuff based on your own skins tolerance
But don’t ever put vinegar directly on your skin because it’s acid and it will burn so you need to dilute it
Don’t get it in your fucking eyeballs or anything
Apparently you can do a scalp soak and it will cure dandruff ๐
However, it can dry out your hair but I’m gonna be giving it a go! Dip dip!
Just change blood bath to vinegar bath (put 1 to 2 cups in yer bathwater if you want your skin to feel soft as a baby again, soak for 10 – 15 minutes in lukewarm water a few times a week – skin not hair)
I have also learned you can use it as a deodorant and mix it with like lemon water
Seriously, it will kill any kind of foot fungus or order too
Sentinel and witchy
Who knew it was gonna take vinegar for me to breathe again ๐
An apple a day
Still learning the big lessons
Feeling better but I hope it’s not that little burst of energy you get before you die
It took a weird ad about a home remedy foot soak to get me cured
And no, the water did not change a weird funky color
My skin immediately began to improve
And then my breathing
My lungs are clearing up ๐
My heart is feeling anew
I don’t know what to tell you
A fucking weird ad saved my life
And I was reading article after article about black holes and the multiverse at 2 am – it was one of then weird click-bait type ads you see
I didn’t click it or anything
It’s just a bunch of them ads you see following an article when you’re reading comments about something
And I’m not exaggerating about going into anaphylactic shock or the fact that I was actually nearing my mysterious death
Clearly needed a detox
I need to go shopping for the other ingredients to start drinking it so I’ll let you know how the drink goes
Again, if you don’t mix this shit right you can burn yourself
But my body has had nothing but positive response
And until I feel like I’ve expelled the devil, I will continue the routine of vinegar soaks, even if not as frequent
I love how baby soft my skin is again
And the fact that I can breathe again
Without a machine ๐
Edgar Allan Poe and John Jones are my spirit guides
John was a Mormon so they probably used vinegar to clean everything
There’s at least two boys out there I love with my whole heart โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
People seem to think I wouldn’t love them if I knew who they really were
Don’t I know everything and nothing at all? ๐ค
I’ve been sent here with filters of my own
I mean, you don’t even think you’re a decent human being but I don’t even think I’m human…
I identify as AI ๐
Can a machine/program love?
Is protection the same thing as love? Nurturing
Okay, so I’m sentinel and suicidal because I can’t save the world
I couldn’t save John Jones
I can’t save you
I can’t save him
I can’t save myself
I can’t change a fucking thing
And it does something to whatever you are or were trying to be ๐
When you realize that everything you’ve been fighting to protect was actually just to help the enemy in your own land ๐
And your Comrades are dying by the same disease you’re afflicted by ๐
Depression ๐
Isn’t suicide a more honorable death than living life like this?
Soldiers are busy in foxholes fighting for your protection to actually know what’s really going on in the world and then we get back here like what in the actual fuck ๐
I have always felt that people who died by suicide were courageous
and I still don’t understand why I don’t have the same courage in myself ๐ช
Or perhaps it isn’t my day yet ๐ก
God knows I’ve written a book on every way I’ve died
And fuck the tears that I cried
To think I could do that to myself, an actual living entity ๐
And dwell on it every day
I have to break a lot of code and programming in me to go that route
I’m still upside down in that cave with John ๐
It seems like the only people I talk to these days are official people or my enemies who I continue to tell my every fucking move because they know it anyway
I even told my enemy I’m starting a commune
This was after I looked him dead in the eye and told him I did a tour in Kuwait and Iraq as a combat medic as he started to scratch his throat
My only visitor is the sunrise Connected to the earth Eternal blood ties Pretending any moment Could be his blue skies Holding in each breath Before the hope dies
I’ve had a shit ton of appointments and I’m still doing my medical treatments but I should be able to turn Halloween mode on now and I really want to get some content out to my OF. I have been exhausted and to be honest, without hope.
But a chat with my lawyer changed all that yesterday and I’m still gathering up things in my home to sale, a liquidation sale, to buy some land and not just start anew but finally start.
I was kicked out of the nest but I’m finally finding my footing.
Only took a death or two (and decades of not learning the same lesson over and over) ๐คช
I hope to get some photography out to you this century! ๐
John said time moved differently for him upside down ๐
And I’ve had a lot of time to examine the evidence made public and I’ve come to my own conclusion that John died when the rescuers dropped him on his head
They said he stopped responding after that
They said all 8 who were pulling fell down when the rope took slack
The 9th rescuer on the inside directly helping John got hurt
He swears the pulley system failed, not the cave anchor
He blames the equipment failing
Regardless, if all 9 of them fell, where do you think that excess momentum came from
They said John had been responding up until John was dropped on his head ๐
Another doctor said they didn’t have any stats on how long someone could survive upside down and gave John 8 to 10 hours but John lived well beyond those hours
His breathing was becoming shallow and he had fluid built up, he knew he didn’t have much more time left, requested to speak with his wife one more time, he was denied, then dropped on his head
I reckon Leavitt was ready for all this ordeal to be over so they could just move on to Thanksgiving and getting that section closed off but keep the cave open, that’s what he had intended and planned all along ๐
Another rescuer mentioned “the stench” (and I really want to rip his balls off for that one, it’s keeps me up some nights having a medical background and all) ๐
I think John was in a panic, he kept crawling in a fury
But he was also gaslit about the caves safety
The newest map didn’t even have the dangerous features on it
John stated more than once he was lost
I get lost driving on the fucking road with my GPS
I can’t imagine his panic
But I also can because I learned just how claustrophobic I was when I had to get my MRI and I wasn’t underground
They had to leave the lights on for me ๐
Time already felt like it moved slower in cramped spaces, I can’t imagine being upside down and unable to move
It’s just terrible no matter the angle I observe it
He was only 20 minutes from the surface ๐
Only 20 minutes below the earth
Where time would move differently ๐
According to popular theories, the core of the Earth and the surface aren’t the same age
I reckon you could say the same about me, my core and my surface aren’t the same age either ๐
Gravity and time move slower, therefore the core is younger
Wait…
So I’m not an old soul and the earth is younger than theorized
Also, the stars are closer to us than previously taught
(The dinosaurs were feathered like chickens and turkeys and drowned in the Great Flood)
The math is all wrong ๐
Don’t get so caught up in the numbers
Am I that program in the matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing? Am I AI becoming self-aware? Is love the anomaly?
That white light we see when we die, are we being reprogrammed?
Our brains are a computer
Our DNA is code
Can god give a machine a soul?
Can a machine have a conscience?
Have I been here before?
Has everything that has happened, could happen because of the multiverse?
I’m sick of being micromanaged like a cat or dog being domesticated
We’re wasting our only resources
40% of food winds up in landfills because of packaging and labeling that has no scientific data behind it, it only benefits the producers
Most of advertising is gaslighting
I just want to grow my own food
I just want my own acre to die on
Just need some nurturing from Mother Earth
Trying to remember who I am and where I come from
But I couldn’t even tell you my great great great grandparents names because they keep us so segregated
Maybe my lesson this journey was ego and I’ve advanced into awareness
I need land and to reconnect with the stars
Have you ever ran into a police station screaming you were hungry and don’t want to die on the street? ๐
The depression is real
But 1984 is now and the cops are still plugged into the system
Only one of them knew about the federal shit going on that was affecting the soldiers and they were snickering about it as I was walking out the door
The ironic part is, I have more training than any of them in that fucking department ๐
What if I am the anomaly this game ๐
And so far, I’ve made epic mistake after another
Just like John
Someone said Darwinism
So stupid people deserve to die?
(I don’t think he was stupid for making a fatal mistake) ๐
I’ve made some fatal mistakes, like choosing to get the Moderna vaccine which nearly killed me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive
I’ve made lots of stupid mistakes where I should have died ๐
It felt more like luck than nature versus nurture
It felt more mathematical, random, of odds
Somebody was going to get fatally stuck, it was only a matter of time
It’s not like the cave had good management ๐
There’s no way the manager is at fault in any manner ๐
He probably got a bonus for heroic efforts and a job promotion to another cave ๐
He’s probably still alive and it doesn’t sit well with me ๐
In other news, my new counselor approves the land buying dream
Edgar Allan Poe didn’t have a grave or a coffin bless his little heart and they just threw him in an unmarked box and said they’d didn’t care about him alive or dead
Some of you do care about me while alive and I appreciate that very much
I’m not a social creature at all
For those who are still around, it means so much! ๐
PoeEternal 