How do I find freedom when I am shackled to your will? And lonely do I travel when I’m crawling up your hill How I linger in your shadow ’til you give me light to feel And hour after hour I am at a standstill
Do you know how light travels at light-speeds? That’s how fast I travel to your galaxy. Whatever your wants, whatever your needs. My heart will see that it proceeds.
I took to you like cotton With heart-shaped leaves growing in the sunlight Softly floating over your daydreams Passing you by in a warm summer breeze
I gave you hope like fiber spun Kept the moon aglow Even after all you’ve done I let the love still flow
I took to you like electrostatic Blue lightning in my wing Racing across your ever clear eyes The way mountains pierce the top of skies (to see what you have seen)
I gave you melancholy shaped pillows In everfields growing green Vivid color for your rainbow To keep you feeling lean Kept your secrets in stow
Look at how it parts The Red Sea Still you ask if we love thee Look at how the Earth is splitting We have taken a knee Look at how the clouds hover me Galaxies glowing from envy
Below contains maybe trigger warnings so read at your own discretion. I have the ability to offend. One of my superpowers!
Sidenote: my dad died last month, and while I may seem actively posting, I’m kinda falling apart behind-the-scenes. I’m not taking too keenly the demands of my time, I’m still pushing people away, suicidal, and out of fucks to give. It’s just an FYI. I’ve no mind to socialize. I’m an introvert. I dig my privacy. I’ve always been an elusive creature. And picky with how I share my time. The narcissist is abundant and will drain me dry. It’s nothing personal, just how I be. You’ll notice how I don’t have a contact page. And now I don’t like leaving comments on other bloggers stuff because my email gets disclosed and I start receiving unwanted emails. This just recently happened where another blogger was acting super obsessive of me and my time and emailing me nearly on the daily (and was going on and on about how into me he was- but he doesn’t support any of my campaigns). I had to set him straight. I guess I should feel bad for sending demons back to hell but I’m dead inside. 👍👍
You will likely hear other bloggers call me a “bitch” for being indifferent to their narcissistic tools of manipulation…. M’kay keep moving. I know my worth.
I am a Vampiress. Queen of the Undead. And I bite.
*muwahahahahaha*
And y’all thought I was joking when I told you the devil has me on speed dial for advice. Tsk tsk.
In other news, I have packages in delivery, but due to covid, may not arrive til next year. Welp. I’m being sarcastic. They should have already arrived but they’re kind of in limbo. I’ve been planning a vampire cosplay shoot. Like, we may get to Mars before that happens. Again, sarcasm. But it’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like I’m planning to do and I’ve planned to do it during a fucking pandemic. Not the best timing I admit. But 2021 already feels like deja vu. Or just 2020 2.0.
I feel like I’ve been here before even though I haven’t. I feel aloof. Have I really died? Heaven feels kind of empty.
Is there like a hug from Gavin Rossdale at the end of the tunnel/light? I need hugs. Welp.
Not in love with the guy, just been obsessed with him since the 90s, my second crush, no big deal. It’s just when he sees me at his shows he showers me with all sorts of love and sometimes his guitar pick or sweat. I act all sorts of stewpids around him. Cursed him accidentally in Miami once but the next day I got a tweet by him that it was great to see me. Got all kinds of mems with my king but man I didn’t get to go to one show in 2020 which means I didn’t get one fucking hug from my king. Welp.
There aren’t many bands in the alternative scene that are still putting out music that I like or many of them have already died but Bush remain a huge inspiration for me musically. Dig his films too. Gavin Rossdale’s role in “Constantine” with Keanu Reeves was fucking amazing. Gav has done lots of film stuff but he’s not fond of the long hours, itchy makeups, TV, or being away from his fams. KING.
I miss gigging so much. Gah. I’ve seen Bush in several different states and cities now. But it’s to the point I’m ready to save up some money to see them in the UK. Only the pandemic as a barricade. Welp.
Gav giving me his Superman poses! Uhm, his abs are rock hards. Couldn’t stop the feels. 😍Birthday gig August 2019. Seems another life ago!! 😭😍😭
The Bush Army hate me but the leader likes me coming to his shows. 😍
If I ever get the chance to meet him again I hope I can act normal. I literally start screaming when he comes near me okay I fucking scream. Like a little girl. How fucking cute. But then I start dropping shit or I’ll cuss him out or I’ll forget like basic introductions. Welp. My brain just dumps loads of chemicals when I’m around him and I go fucking haywire. It’s ridic.
I do have loads of band photography from a lot of bands that I’ve seen because photography is a passion of mine and maybe one day I’ll start sharing that here on my blog.
When I love a band I love a band obsessively and wholly. Pink Floyd has been my number uno since the age of 8. I’d piss myself if I ever met David Gilmour. Maybe keel over and die of happiness too. Welp.
This poem IS NOT about my king. I do not long for him in such ways. I couldn’t sleep and it’s now almost 2 a.m. and I needed someone to talk to. Kinda. The quiet hours are my favorite time to write. Or just be. You also have to be extremely careful of serial killers and rapists but you know. I have 15 years of army training as a reminder. I am a trained killer. But also, I don’t really think killers like killing suicidal people cuz we just be like “yeah come on give it to me, where yah been my whole life” 😍…
So what’s the pandemic like at your neck of the woods? I’m going stir crazy if yah can’t tell. And Florida feels like 1 degree. I can’t even step outside it feels like Antarctica. I need my cold weather gear to take my dog for a piss. I can’t deals.
I always find it so strange that the absence of light means coldness. Death. I don’t want anybody touching my cold fucking leather after I die. I’m starting to have these weird fucking ideas about my body when I die.
It’s weird seeking death and immortality at the same time but I’m a strange one.
Ideally, I would like to donate my entire body to an organization that would like to freeze me and bring me back via clone or some sort of digital format. I don’t really want to donate my body to science so some students can cut me up and squirt my blood all over each other laughing, no thanks.
Or that asshole in the morgue who doesn’t know how to handle my hair.
Yes, I worry about my body after death. Why? I know not.
Necrophiliac’s? Eek. I have trouble fucking things that ARE alive.
Sometimes the dead are more alive tho. And better company.
Have you ever fed on hope The way you spoon it to me in soft crescent words I’ve seen your shadow dancing in twilight I wake for your golden hour Any hour Melting into sunrises You lower heaven on my shoulder So I can skip through its halls and miss prayer Watch how my hope crosses dimensions to find you resting at my feet We are nesting on a great divide Where dreams are real life Hearts a multiverse Parts of my soul where you left claw marks Sacred holy landmarks I pray to you
Please sail me out to eternity on your word You said no one would listen but I heard Death may be approaching but soul stirred I’d give it all for just a third Please let me feel where life occurred
He said, they really never spoke Still galaxies were forming from words they wrote Feathers were pluming where islands were looming And oceans were filling where she woke
He said, his life was but a cloak Still volcanoes were smoking where they mope Mountains were pulling, where islands were cooling And it took all he had to give her hope
He said, life is but a joke Still clouds were crying where she broke Skies filled with lightning, where stars were aligning And around her head was love instead of rope
He said, nothing could help him cope Still ink was spilling on pages they soak Earth was evolving, where love was revolving And his hand was the only hand she’d grope
This is where our world’s collide You the sun and I the tide This is why we fail goodbye You the earth and I its bride This is why fate complied I took root in your sky This is how heaven sighed
Does he know the keys of the kingdom is within her? Every hour the sun is growing dimmer. Pouring every atom from his chest, love is thinner. Burning any chance of hope, death’s a winner.
Does she hold light like a moon because there’s a glimmer? Does love keep her on her knees praying for he’s a sinner? The blood that’s leaking from his chalice it spells a killer. If lying were monumental he takes the pillar.
Err, I probably should wait 24 hours in-between posting, but like I’ve got so much to say and so little time. I’ve got to lay it all on the line. Cut my tongue out, I’d still write you rhyme.
It’s finally cold enough in Florida for winter hats. (I’ll make any excuse to wear a hat, sometimes 3 at a time. I iz weirdo).
You’ve got a scowl that drains the mood out of a moon Still the stars will wander, hoping to see you soon You’ve got a hundred million ways, to make the clouds swoon You exhale and turn continents into doom
Still blown away. I’m into nature. There are people who care not one bit for the moon or any natural wonder. Let alone a rainbow.
Me on the other hand. I turn into a little girl. That’s because I never grew up. Not gonna.
I still think it was my dad telling me goodbye. I just didn’t know he had passed until an hour later (if).
LIFELINES.
(Better than becoming fish bait. I gotta get back to writing. Yelled at the mom and therapist).
Really itching to pick up my guitar tho.
The CDC says the pandemic is getting worse.
My depression is getting worse.
And asteroid Apophis is on like 2 or 3 return trips back to us.
Uhm, we’re 2000 lightyears closer to the center of a blackhole.
Politics give me hellof anxiety.
Somethings wrong with the world, am I the only one to feel it?
I gotta quit reading the news.
Paranoia.
Uhm, my hairs is getting ridiculously long. Down or up it’s in the way. 😏Fine silks homegrown from my skull. I can’t wait to start updating my wardrobe. Get photos n vids. More tattoos n piercings. Make cool cosplay. Wanna sell my computer and get a laptop. A better phone n camera. New editing software. Updates. 2021 = year of transformation. Not sure how to pull off the tattoos and piercings if the economy is still closed but everything else is doable. I’m desperate for my makeover from Soldier and businesswoman to me. My Jeep needs a little TLC too. Gonna share it all. Thanks for seeing me while I’m alive. And supporting me while I’m alive. That gives me feel good vibes. =)
Trying not to die from depression or be dead for days before anyone knows. I still don’t know about my dad so I’m treading the earth lightly. I’m here but I’m not. Dig? 😭😭😭
Thanks for checking out my blog and supporting indie artists! I’m on the Patreon and OnlyFans. I appreciate the support. Starving artist and all (so was Edgar Allan Poe, yo). 👀
How does he manage to find me in his thoughts? But then it makes me wonder how many dreams he has to cross? When burning down his bridges does he ever feel a loss? And when he’s out there wandering, is it me he’ll come across?
How many deserts will it take him to push me in Earth’s past? But then it makes me wonder how long it ever lasts? Been cutting ties so long our dreams have come to pass? And I swore I heard hope’s echo but it flew by life too fast…
How many bridges will you burn to keep my dreams from you? And will you ever learn, I’ll still find you when you do? Is that why you’ll likely, leave a clue or two? And when I’ve disappeared, does it leave you feeling blue?
Rhyme was a skill I picked up as a little girl to help battle me woes. And so it goes…
Survival skills. But also the art of language. Afflictions. Secret messages to my love? Poetry is code. Vibrations. Another form of energy. A path for my hope to flow.
“No hope = no fear”
PostScript. I’m not really here. I’m not really there. I’m not really anywhere.
But my last breath will be a half-written rhyme. Maybe in blood. Give it time.
Do you think if silence had a sound, it would sound like my heartbeat next to yours? Gently crashing on your soul like frothy shores? Per chance the knocking were only open doors? Would it end our wars?
I was going to write a non rhyme and then 5 seconds later this poem was born. Light-speeds!
Spiraling into nothingness like a cocoon
Elite. I live and breathe this shite. Eh, addictions. What can you do? The madness is the cure. I’ll eventually get another non-rhyme out of me. I’ve been trying to pull that bitch out!! Just don’t rhyme. Simple. Right? Eh, no. Not at all. 😣😑😮😣😏🙄
*pen to vein* *inject all the feels* *euphoric* Oooh me wrotes another rhyme!!! It just fell out! Am I allowed to sometimes like the stuff that I write? Cuz this gave me a sweet tooth. You? 😍
I’ll get him to love me with curses and incantations 💔Tell me
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting indie artists! 💋
What are your words if hollow and brittle? What becomes of care when you show so little? Then remove the lie from the middle- Watch your honor fade and dwindle?
It’s time integrity took a stand Purity is the only thing I’ve got in hand I fell for your ruse, you’re just the better man? But I can promise, it won’t happen again…
I’ve learned that love is simply a myth And if you have a name, let’s call you Judas Deception is every kiss And betrayal, it’s written on your fist…
Words were never said Eyes peering like cement He could see the rise and fall of her chest Feel the heat of her heart with every breath Moving across the cold air Her feet sizzling from where she fell Took iron strength just to stand and stare
He moved taking a step toward her As her body slowly extended upward Pulling her wings in tighter She was a fighter
He towered her petite frame His breathing was met with flame Expelling from the side of his lip He had sin wrapped around his hip
He cast a glare on her like an eclipse She was a rare sight in holy mist How far from heaven she did exist To fall on hell to feel his kiss
His hoof moved a step closer in It’s the closest to heaven he’s ever been Her desire never smelled of sin For love she fell and she’d do it again
It’s as if all time existed in one evening Her eyes were wet with fear and seething Or maybe the reflection was mere envy Whatever it was, he only could stop the bleeding
His step was sturdy with blight He didn’t want to fill her with fright And having better intentions despite He lowered a knee becoming her knight
Love came to him in a clump She brought the world to him in just one jump They stood on eternity though ground was a dump And with only a smile she gave him a bump
To be continued…?
How does eternity feel?I love you
Hi. Been up for days. Freestyle wrote this. Sorry for any formatting errors or misspellings. Living on poetry and tears.
There are signs posted with moss covering Empty bottles where the devil is recovering Dirty feathers all around in piles cluttering And care is a word I hear you keep uttering
There are scabs where blood is spluttering No cover for my mouth we are discovering Though secrets are a map I’m not uncovering And love is the only thing left hovering
How is it your heart has come to know softness? Do oceans not turn to desert when I frown? How are you able to turn eternity into a sound? For when you speak I am bound. Where you are breathing, I am found. Why do you park heaven on a hill? I can feel you pushing on me still. I come undone so you can feel. Though you won’t let my blood spill. Collecting every single quill. You move at free will.
He watches me
The way time moves over my feet
My doors opening and closing
Peering into the window of all I am exposing
Playing tug-of-war with hearts decomposing
My third eye all-knowing
He watches you
Catching me in view
And what we do
We’re split in truth
Well, who knew?
I guess he loves me too 💕
To be honest, I’m still a tiny microorganism. Compared to my love for you. Like all the dark matter in the universe, it just grew. Space equals truth. 💕
I love you. I hate you tug-of-war
I’m staying. I’m leaving tug-of-war
I’m empty. You’re in me tug-of-war
I’m pulling. You’re tugging tug-of-war
I’m sorry I’m mean to you. I don’t want to cry anymore. Don’t retaliate. 😭😭😭
You hold me on your back the way earth holds all creation Changing earthquakes to calm lakes Sunrise to reason I’m freestyling steps while doubling the stakes Love is cold but still in season Dancing over simmering aches You’re stepping over treason Bleeding to stay awake Though love is like a beacon I’m all in- whatever it takes Because you’re all I’m ever needing
Tell me, are you all in? Fold? If it keeps on raining/ the levee’s going to break 🎵🎶🎵If it keeps on raining/ the levee’s going to break 🎵🎶🎵Holding onto youth with all that I am. A pure soul. No greys yet!!!! You gonna raise yer bet????
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Not only does he listen I got him by the teeth And in his world I glisten While dancing on his feet
His love has no conditions So solid like concrete It seems his only mission Is loving me complete
Walking tightropes Over every word wrote Using lines to balance Darkness and failed hope Taking steps to fall But then don’t He pushes me across the wire His back gropes The world crying I’m a joke But he won’t
He is a cosmic jewel Longing felt under moon A hope or two A dream in blue
Earthly views The perfect muse The love I choose Someone I can’t refuse
Uhm, is anyone sick of my rhyme yet? Did anyone notice that within a blink my blog reached nearly 10K more views? Nearly 10,000 more visits HERE to read my blog! We’re nearing 60K! 😍
Got my enemies watching with a telescope- they say they hate me but you know I’m dope! 😍
I freestyle write my poetry 90% of the time and always tweak stuff during the WP posting process. Actually, my voice will change based on my writing tools, which is one reason I want to get offline and get on a typewriter again. Starting to pick up pencil again too. And pen. Hope to move back into calligraphy. I have all my tools, just no energy or drive (depression). Hard to brush my teeth on most days and not dive off the bridge here that I’ve been contemplating doing since I arrived here and recently an 18 year old kid jumped off it last year. Right off the overpass onto the interstate I was driving on. A constant reminder the world is shit. I feel that. He made his point known. I knows. I feel worthless too. Hence poem + depression. Le sigh. I really could use a gig this year. The uni trying. Bush = happiness (and Gav really likes me coming to his shows and I really like going to his shows even tho I act an ass of myself and curse him sometimes- yep he still likes me coming tho I make an absolute ass of myself) KING 👍I worship Bush (have since the early 90s). Look how Gavin Rossdale spelled my name, the first time we met (in 2016). With a little anarchy sign on the A followed by a little heart. UHM, I GET HEARTS BY GAVIN ROSSDALE. Sometimes I get wisdom and xoxo in DMs by him. Sometimes I tweet him that I see him on stage at a gig, he’ll respond via his microphone “I see you too” and jump off stage after soundcheck to come say hi and get photos. I need to do an entire blog post on my obsession cuz I got videos and photos on all this. Layer my tomb with all my Bush heirlooms. Like that time he jumped off stage just to give me a sweaty hug and the guitar pick he was playing with. *le sigh* Last year on my birthday he serenaded me while dancing above me for like a solid minute and I nearly passed out, dizzies, FYI.
I’m just not responsible for how I act when I’m physically around him and in fangirl mode because I have zero control over my hormones. Welp. Since the age of 12. WHATEV. SECOND CRUSH. NO BIG DEAL.
Gavin giving me his superman poses at the VIP meet-and-greet last year for my birthday! I need these framed in my home studio! 😍
I do sometimes curse him but last year on air he said I tell him the most beautiful things, which is also true. 😊
Gavin giving me his superman poses at the VIP meet-and-greet last year on my birthday! I didn’t know what was going on because I felt him pull away and I thought he didn’t want me hanging all over him in the photos so I lifted my head off his chest but kept my hands on his hard ass abs and kept smiling not knowing that he was doing Superman poses for me cuz he was super happy I was at a show!!! So several weeks later when the photos arrived (and doing VIP was a birthday present to myself because nobody did anything for me for turning the big 4-0), it was like opening the best present 🎁 the uni could give me. Nine times out of 10 when I meet Gavin Rossdale and get photos they are blurry. These were not. 😍
People think I’m in love with Gavin but I’m not, it’s just a silly crush I’ve had since I was age 12 and I’m insanely addicted to the music, it’s a music fan / artist relationship thing. He inspires me in different ways. He teaches me life lessons. Like how to stay alive when you don’t have the love of your life (he lost his big love- Gwen Stefani- they have 3 kids together. He has not replaced her).
Gavin Rossdale comes from that alternative scene where all his comrades are dying by suicide, which are basically his friends and I thought that we might lose him too when he lost Gwen Stefani (divorceeeee via humiliation, retaliation, he got to hear “used to love you” while walking in an airport. She didn’t take long to move on either, did she). Two thumbs down.👎👎
But he hung onto his fans and he says that he needs us more than ever now. I know what he means. He promised me on air that he would never hurt himself. But I need him too. I’m an outcast. He knows that. He knows what that feels like. To be the lone wolf! For the most part he’s had to deal with the United Kingdom hating him. Even of today, they will refer to him as “who is he” (as if he is no one) or use him as a slight against Gwen Stefani, when it was her band opening up for Bush and not the other way around (he made her known, not vice versa).
Gav has seen me at my worse. He still jumps off the stage to give me hugs when he sees my face. It gives me the happy feels. To be seen. To feel I have an ounce of worth. To feel appreciated. Because to the rest of the world, I am invisible and just a number (including to the love of my life, who could care less of my existence. He’d replace me in an instance). But there’s nothing like the feel of when Gavin sets his sights on me, and is walking towards me, and I know he’s headed my way, it’s so intense, his expression. That feeling of, “he see’s me, he’s headed my way”, “I’m not lost in the crowd” and Gavin is the type of guy who never looks away from me, yet I always break eye contact!!!
Got hugs by my king at the stroke of midnight last year, which was my birthday. Thank you universe.
Or like when he’s talking to his other fans, he’ll literally keep looking back at me and I always run away from him. I act stupid guaranteed. But like, I’m a soldier and he’s a king. He’s why I do these things. Basic. I need the music. Always have. Not just his music or art. All the things. Music keeps me going. Grounded. Alive. Couldn’t have survived the Iraqi war without it. Labor. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Poordom. Life.
Music is life. I need another gig. This century. THIS YEAR. COME ON 2020!!!
Me today because 2020 blows and I’ve had zero hugs from my king this year. Meh. Seeking a friend for the end of the world… When life gives you lemons, tie pretty boes. Me today during the covid zombie apocalypse- and the CDC says covid-19 is coming back with a vengeance. Seeking a friend for the end… Love during a zombie plague *laughs insanely, ties a pretty bow*
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Me no filter, worry lines, messy makeups, freckles, no bullshit. I smoke on the occasion. Should I buzz my side again? Might go have a smoke now. Think I still got the same pack I found months ago in the freezer. The Army taught me to ration and I’ve been poor lmao. Finding an entire, near full pack of Newport menthol was definitely a sign from heaven. Or hell? 🤔
It’s a weird place to be Not with, not without But if you drift into the big sleep I would stop existing It’s without a doubt Like leaving the galaxy I couldn’t breathe So I shout How could you leave? Abandon me? You’re all I need
I love you in any realm, all over Earth, and this town. When I’m up or down, sideways, or stuck in a frown. From east to north, and all around. From the dawn of creation, down to your noun. You overwhelm. But I am bound. Circling and circle proud. Pulling eights from the cloud. I say it loud. Unroll it, light the ground. For life is better, where you are found.
If only forgiveness were easy asked and demons were sleeping
How many ways can you spell I love you? Are you tired of hearing it yet? Does the universe give you any signs? Are you awake, are you alive? Are you listening?
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Tell me, Did heaven not swing from eternity to hear you speak? How the stars kneel before you every night just to get a peek Do comets not form from your wishes and pass you by and wink? Clouds they gather from your sighing, they cry so you can drink?
Tell me, Do seas part open their oceans when you feel you’re on the brink? When you feel lost in the open water, did the earth not share her ink? Tell me when you dreamed of love, did she ever look like me? And had you not drank my holy water, would your soul have gone extinct?
If only words were removed from page And hearts were not full of grey I’d lift the sun in such a way Your burdens would just turn to ray And I’d be there with heart to say I love you every single day
There’s a good chance my poetry isn’t beautiful at all but it’s just how he makes me feel. Inadvertently, I mean. Because I am nothing and nothing is for me. 👍
Who am I writing for anymore? To whom do these words belong?? I don’t know if I can distinguish the dream world from the real world anymore.
Neo helps.
Morpheus:
Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
The Matrix
What if you couldn’t distinguish the dream world from the real world?
I mean the only positive news that has come out of 2020 is the fact that the Matrix 4 is coming out and I’m trying to stay alive for that shit (it’s only news that they’re making another one- doesn’t mean the movie is coming out in 2020).
Can you teach me how to not worship you???? Before I go to New Orleans and see a voodoo doctor and start casting spells on you????????? Cuz, I mean, it’s moving up on the to-do-list, FYI.
Fool. I don’t know if you’re my kryptonite or what, but I’d take a fucking bullet for you ( I prefer offense and saving though, that’s what I’m efficiently trained to do).
I literally want to just leap Into Your Existence and wrap my entire body around you in a hug. I don’t think that’s normal response. I’m like a wild fucking animal. You like- turn me into a werewolf on a full moon. Can I ravage you?????
Fuck. I can’t breatheeeeee.
There ain’t a pill in heaven that makes me feel as good as your fucking existence.
Blocking is like putting a fence up for your own protection. So I don’t fucking turn all werewolf on you.
Cuz I do have a little bit of werewolf blood in me too. 🙂
I do stupid shit like howl at the moon- but once you’ve been sleeping in fox holes in a war zone in the middle of the fucking desert in Iraq for months at a time – yeah bitch howl til your heart’s content.
hanging onto love with all that I have and am, by tooth and nail…It’s too earlyzzzzz. I don’t want to be up but I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this instead. kitty katjust a gal and her guitar
My love, if you’ve ever known truth, know my tongue Love is the reason for why I’ve come Heaven is leaking from my lung
My middle name is Faith and it’s more than just a name. (But go ahead and attach digital currency to my worth).
I look on you and continents and oceans disappear Into the thin atmosphere Wishing you were here
I hope one day you find the street that leads to my arms.
He didn’t know what to tell her, He didn’t want to lie. He just knew anything was better, Than the truth he had to hide.
I read them… They just don’t draw attention Not like yours I’m alive in your world Like leopards leaping giants Our history to be explored I’m alive forevermore Your words are gems on peaceful shores Do you think they’ll ever find our matching hidden doors? Love written like puzzle pieces Rearranged and then re-written I’m smitten! Insert your phrase like a vampire I’ve been bitten! Got me itching! Crawling over the people I’m ditching!
She’s a Goddess hidden under crutch, What price would you pay to feel her touch?
All the things
I’m still a favorite under veil A full moon can shine from hell
Been writing and recording in my studio all day today.Where the magic and curses happen. 🎃“Where are you? / I am sitting on the Moon“Itching to pick my guitar. Practice session tomorrow hopefully! Werking. Recording them rhymes. Just yer average gal doing extraordinary thingsMe. Baghdad, Iraq. 2003. I did not blow up the building, our Marines did. I was a combat medic and deployed with the 212th MASH (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) for Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom – OEF/OIF. HOOAH. I’m fighting wars with my pen now instead of my M16… don’t tread on me. Although I am an efficiently trained killing machine, I was also skillfully trained to heal people. 15 years of hard training and the Army never does anything half ass. I don’t either. I’ve got a ton of awards, medals, and certifications “but these stories don’t mean anything / when you’ve got no one to tell them to”… Warning: may bite suddenly and without warning. Proceed with caution. Ich habe hunger (I am hungry). I’m not bandaging wounds today, well I am, but different kind of wounds, and with ink and paper (my pen is also lethal). But I prefer home life now over foxholes in Iraq…Writing is what I’ve always wanted to do. Between both my jobs, being a single parent, and going to college full-time, my writing and passion got buried. Life is hard for some of us. We’re not all born with a silver spoon and spineless spine. Think I might have my next reel written. 8 lines this time. 👀That one time Val Kilmer acknowledged my existence on Twitter with some love. It’s remained my pinned Tweet ever since. He has been one of my favorite actors since I was 10 years old- so for him to love my pen name is a pretty incredible compliment as a poet and writer. It’s okay to be a little jealous. I get jealous of me too. 😂 It’s just a Tweet you say. Well yeah, one that needs to be printed out and framed and hung on my wall in my studio. It’s kinda a big deal for me still. Most people promote their blog or something with a pinned Tweet. Not me, got Kilmer up. There are people that don’t even know who he is and they get to vote. *rolls eyes* 👀I’ve been really busy creating and I haven’t had much time for anything else. I’m just needing to get this stuff out before I die. My entire life has been just trying to survive and get by. This is the one chance the universe has given me. Crowds were never much for me. Spiral out, keep going…
So stick around if you wanna. I need to stop screwing around and get a schedule put together for Twitch so I can start bringing open mic night to you. Loving people with depression requires a lot of patience. That’s probably why I don’t have a lot of people that love me. But if people would stop treating me like shit, I probably wouldn’t be depressed. So goes the circle of life.
I can’t stand things in my eyes so never did contacts again. Plastic to me is like silver to werewolf. These were Angel contacts but I’ll never wear them again. I feel everything, it’s why I hate life. Might start wearing my eyeliner like that again. I’m a tomboy and like things messy, like my makeup. I’ve never once had anybody compliment my eyes, at least not the color. I normally get compliments on my fucking teeth (followed by “did you get braces” uhhh no). The only enhancements I have on me are tattoos, hair dye, and piercings. And I need more of all these things. But me no likey pain. Yep. But for who???? *sobs uncontrollably*
I was all darkness, cold and gas A baby stellar nursery forming with mass But along lit my flame when it was you who came to pass I’d give you every bit of starlight if ever you would ask
I already had a poem with Starlight as the title. Totally forgot about this one. And it’s a good one. I’m getting ready to put a book together of love poems but my god I’ve written so much poetry in the last two years and it is not organized at all- I need your help. I need you to come organize my poetry like Pamela did for Jim Morrison because I’m Morrison’s daughter and just as disorganized poetically. People have even told me I possess a room like Morrison when I walk into it (pre war days). I’m a mess. Helps. 💞
I love you so hard, don’t I baby?
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How is it you fell into my heart without any warning? Like the lightning swiftly coming And maybe from Venus thus forming Color in my eye, an overflow of becoming The words you write like winter mourning Turning me into jewels you’re still adorning Our flame is burning For you I’m yearning I’m fully forming
Did I tell y’all I caved after 9 months and broke my New Year’s resolution of not dying my hair by dying my hair Black Number 1 just in time for Halloween? I dids! 😂My hair is still growing long. Not allowing another hairdresser to touch my hair cuz they’re all just average and do everything I ask them not to do. Never gonna Botox my lines. I earned every one of those. For the record, most of the girls that are idolized online have fake long hair, fake nails, ect but this is what guys prefer which is why I have little to no support… I’m “real”. I still feel like a true goddess, you know, the kind the world has abandoned for being “too good” or “too opinionated” or for simply being “too me”. These snaps don’t show the blackness of the black. But glad to be back black. It’s my favorite color and my mom and sister have the color naturally. Nope, not me. Just had to be different. AKA difficult. Despite all the enemies made and hate in the world, I recently managed to turn 42 years of age, without one gray fucking hair or piece of plastic in my body… SORRY NOT SORRY. GO AHEAD AND DENY ME FOR NOT MEETING YOUR FAKE BEAUTY STANDARDS.
To him: I love you still so much tho, even when I’m no longer around to say. And you should print these because it’s not true about things staying online forever. I’ll always wonder what life with you would be like because being with you is the only life I want to live… 💞
Still crying by the way. The sloppy, eye makeup running down with my snot and tears kind of crying. I love you. Even tho you deny my existence just like the world and Judus denied Jesus Christ.
Do you also deny that someone existed with that name who got crucified? Or just that fairytale of a bible that man tries to sell you to try to keep you from acting like a beast, tho you still do, but donate to charity or the church or in other ways to ease your conscience instead (to whomever the shoe fits)?
You could try running to me instead of the bottom of the bottle.
You could try acknowledging my existence again.
Fool. I love you stewpids. So much it god damn hurts. God damn these endless tears!!!
Or deny me a third, fourth, fifth, what number are we on my love? Betrayed with a kiss. Oh, Judas…
Written, recorded, and mixed in my home studio! New spoken word!! Free MP3 download or listen here (good speakers recommended)! Don’t forget to like or comment for positive support! 😄
Heaven’s Gate is where Earth meets the sky I’ll get there if I try Forever searching for a hello or goodbye Only finding time to cry
These mountains I stumble and crawl Every day for you I fall Gathering mistakes for monuments standing tall You’re my favorite of them all
I’ve never gone to open mic night or sang karaoke due to my terrible stage fright! I’ll be attempting an “open mic night” on my Twitch TV channel soon!! Elite rhyming poetess (I live and breathe poetry and have a taste for rhyme)I didn’t record this spoken word with my phone so please hit the like button if you enjoyed the poem or the spoken word!!! Equipment used: Epiphone amp, Digital Reference microphone, Mac computer, Garageband, my blood, sweat, time and tears!! Hit the like button for God sake (or drop me a comment, I love those)!! =) Heaven’s Gate MP3 Cover art
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Photo of the ocean taken & edited by @poeeternalOh, hello insomnia
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I lay my head down on silence like a pillow Stiff The dreams are stagnant His lies are foul My hope sluggish I cling to love like a parasite And without sight
Envy is black moss Ivy-thick doubt Twines twisting around his silhouette I watch clouds form from longing Rolling thunderous covetous hands Prying into my desires like butter The wind is brewing strong regret
Quick strikes of lightning when world’s collide If only nightmares were soft satin slippers One could wear proudly his crown It’s lost underground with the thicket
I have two shadows And not one to trust
I yield to confusion I give him skeleton keys to my home A disorderly garden wrought with weed Tall are worries Watch him stall Even the moon grows anxious and full
If I turn quickly I might spot a ghost Rummaging through heartache With fingers dripping from ink and mud
Tormented by what is And chained to never was
Or maybe that’s just my reflection
If per chance you stood near My gravity would rip you to shreds Our halos are dancing instead
I’ll take part of you The very best piece of you You have the best of me too
Do you ever feel me clawing on your existence Why push for truce then give resistance You know for you I’d shut away the distance If you call my name I’ll come this instance
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I went to visit the tree we planted The seed that fell as our hearts connected The hope that grew as love erected A time before I was neglected
I buried my heart where you rejected And even left faith if ever collected I have found peace and wrongs been corrected The tree keeps our poetry safe and protected
I still plant his poetry in the better parts of me… his entire existence became a nebula for my poetry and to be honest I haven’t stopped writing about him. I wonder if he still reads these.
In an alternative universe, there is a tree growing with our initials, threaded together by our poetry.
His existence changed me. It’s still changing me. I wish he grasped the power of that.
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