Worth

He says, I ain’t worth a penny
Still eyes will stare, I am trendy
Fingers counting more than twenty
See me now, I am plenty

Spat on, shined up with envy
Tossed in water ever gently
Down into a well, my only entry
They all say that they don’t need me

© Delia Ross. 2020 @poeeternal

I’m just not responsible for how I act when I’m physically around him and in fangirl mode because I have zero control over my hormones. Welp. Since the age of 12. WHATEV. SECOND CRUSH. NO BIG DEAL.

I do sometimes curse him but last year on air he said I tell him the most beautiful things, which is also true. 😊

People think I’m in love with Gavin but I’m not, it’s just a silly crush I’ve had since I was age 12 and I’m insanely addicted to the music, it’s a music fan / artist relationship thing. He inspires me in different ways. He teaches me life lessons. Like how to stay alive when you don’t have the love of your life (he lost his big love- Gwen Stefani- they have 3 kids together. He has not replaced her).

Gavin Rossdale comes from that alternative scene where all his comrades are dying by suicide, which are basically his friends and I thought that we might lose him too when he lost Gwen Stefani (divorceeeee via humiliation, retaliation, he got to hear “used to love you” while walking in an airport. She didn’t take long to move on either, did she). Two thumbs down.👎👎

But he hung onto his fans and he says that he needs us more than ever now. I know what he means. He promised me on air that he would never hurt himself. But I need him too. I’m an outcast. He knows that. He knows what that feels like. To be the lone wolf! For the most part he’s had to deal with the United Kingdom hating him. Even of today, they will refer to him as “who is he” (as if he is no one) or use him as a slight against Gwen Stefani, when it was her band opening up for Bush and not the other way around (he made her known, not vice versa).

Gav has seen me at my worse. He still jumps off the stage to give me hugs when he sees my face. It gives me the happy feels. To be seen. To feel I have an ounce of worth. To feel appreciated. Because to the rest of the world, I am invisible and just a number (including to the love of my life, who could care less of my existence. He’d replace me in an instance). But there’s nothing like the feel of when Gavin sets his sights on me, and is walking towards me, and I know he’s headed my way, it’s so intense, his expression. That feeling of, “he see’s me, he’s headed my way”, “I’m not lost in the crowd” and Gavin is the type of guy who never looks away from me, yet I always break eye contact!!!

Or like when he’s talking to his other fans, he’ll literally keep looking back at me and I always run away from him. I act stupid guaranteed. But like, I’m a soldier and he’s a king. He’s why I do these things. Basic. I need the music. Always have. Not just his music or art. All the things. Music keeps me going. Grounded. Alive. Couldn’t have survived the Iraqi war without it. Labor. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Poordom. Life.

Music is life. I need another gig. This century. THIS YEAR. COME ON 2020!!!

Thank you for checking out my blog and for supporting indie artists!

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