And then I have to have a peptalk with my ovaries every 2 to 3 weeks to “please take it easy on me” on why we’re not currently having babies so I don’t jump off a fucking bridge
And if you need perspective, yes, it happened overnight
I was getting close to 500 likes and within a matter of hours, skyrocketed to the thousands
It’s insane I know
But it was good filming, right spot, right time
Because the universe is mathematical and live long enough the variables will play out
This was good clean pure fun entertainment tho
No money involved
So chill
I work damn hard putting out content, I would love to be able to have the opportunity to go live to bring the zen and the chaos
I enjoy watching people ride their bike on the beach and at some point I’ll probably get me a bike that will fit in my jeep and I’ll take my jeep on the beach but I’m dying
I don’t feel like taking my jeep to the cleaning port afterwards because I want to spend a day on the beach but I’m going to change my perspective about it because I’d probably feel a whole lot safer if I did have my jeep on the beach and then I’d feel like taking a nap too
I don’t want to go to the drive-through to get food anymore because people are toxic and not worth dying for
It sucks though that when I was growing up and serving others I was fucking nice
I had good customer service
This is hell
But yeah, the 10k mark feels good
It wasn’t bought
I earned that bitch
I certainly wasn’t expecting four videos to go viral and to continue to go viral and are still going viral
I never even had a chance to feel what it feels like to climb to the top, it’s like the opposite of gravity, I was just flung there
God felt my despair with the whole wine bottle business
I was like this shit again
I can’t deal
This is madness, what am I here for if I can’t change anything
God: experience
Me: oh
So now I’m still trying to sort it out
But what I really need is for someone to come help me get my master bedroom together
And then my kitchen so that I can start working on developing a better relationship that I have with my kitchen and food that I put in my body
And the lifeguard told me yesterday that I need to spend 30 minutes a day reading the Bible
I need spiritual food he says
And one week away from my phone and the Internet
I said what? I can’t even do an hour…
I can’t shut it off 😩
And then it occurred to me that games have intermissions and that the players get breaks
I can just chill up here at the top for a little bit it’s OK
And for those of you who are still interested in my nude photography, I have medical appointments that are upcoming that I need to get to and to some sort of place where I have the energy and mindset to do it and then I’ll be able to turn subscriptions back on, thank you for your interest in my content
I also want to have a section on my blog that is donate or subscribe only to get the naughty content
Of course, my content isn’t naughty because I don’t really do any kind of dirty work nor do I act like a dirty girl
It’s taboo mostly and nude art photography
And I get to call it art because I put effort in making it sensual seductive sexy playful or whatever mode I’m trying to get across
I’m born to make babies
I was born this way
Stop telling me it’s sinful to have emotions when I have neurons firing 24/7
I think about sex a lot, I’m going to share my sexuality, deal with it
Men have been raping me and sexually hurting me since I was a tiny baby so you don’t get to blame what I’m wearing anymore
You don’t get to blame my personality or my choices
Just let me live and breathe
I don’t have much time left and I’m not doing good with the breathing even when I’m at the beach capturing footage that goes viral
Chill
Walked on water for you
Let me enjoy the summit
There’s no rush down
I’ll probably die trying anyway
Clumsy
Gullible
Prone to making being talked into the wrong choice
Another freestyle because he cracked open the lid of my coffin and let some air in (or maybe I opened his) 🤔
I look like shit but I’ve been waxing and plucking and getting ready to glue some stiletto nails on
I don’t wear them long though because I don’t like to mess up my real nails and I’m also claustrophobic and having unnatural things attached to my body makes me very uneasy
When they are glued on (not taped) things inside my body go haywire
I also have really sensitive skin and I can’t wear certain metals because I’m part werewolf and I have an extra lumbar which is the proof that I have a fucking tail
All the doctors love it cuz I’m a pale ass goth queen
It’s cute
I always hear, “uh… did you know that you have…”
And I’m like “yup, part werewolf and vampire” and they always crack up
I don’t need a calendar to know when it’s a full moon because my body will start bruising itself because I start running into everything, that’s how I know the moon is gonna be full, but then I get very wild and also horny 🤪
Animals like mating during a full moon and I concur 🌝
It’s programmed in me to howl at the moon
Some people are like, “eh I’ve seen it a hundred times” and I don’t get that cuz I’m like “100 years isn’t long enough to worship you…”
But I just threw you a curveball because now you don’t know if I’m talking about him or the moon
(He knows I need at least all millennia to worship him and the moon)
Luckily, he digs the moon too (I think)
I don’t actually talk to him or know anything about him, I cannot breathe without him and my lines / breath belong to him
I hope he gets on the TikTok for the spoken word
Here’s numbers to impress, TikTok surpassed Google in the amount of views
Happy to report I contributed to that statistic a tiny bit and anyone who watched my videos 👀
Yup, TikTok had more views than Google
Instagram is still suffering (yay)
You can just upload your videos like you normally do but there’s a cool little feature when you go to edit it you can give your eyes like alien eyes or black them out and do stuff that you normally like to do to hide yourself
And I promise you that I will be viewing your TikTok’s, I will be viewing them and if they sit at zero views it’s because TT is doing something to you, not me
If views are all you care about, it’ll be stressful
But, if you like doing poetry readings for your audience, then you will fair emotionally better making them
At this point I’m happy if my video gets 100 to 200 views and if it gets at least 30 views I like to keep it on my feed and if it sits at zero I cry and sometimes uninstall the app
But Yeti is anxious to get unpacked
And I’m getting my body glammed up best I can as a half living dead girl zombie with rare and elite blood and an extremely amazing half working lung and heart
The US government is fucking cloning me, I just know it
They are using my blood to search for immortality
They tried to knock me out with Big Pharma but Thor pinched me and I jumped into this timeline like a year and a half or so ago to prevent my mysterious death from happening
What? You believe some man from the Middle East actually walked on water. Leave me alone.
I identify as AI
You identify as “born gay”
Deal with it
I ain’t dying on the street (Edgar again “no”)
I have Edgar Allan Poe rooting for me and John Jones and you have your porn and your fake ass porn actresses who love to look at the fucking TV and smile at you and take your money
I may talk to dead people but they’re keeping me better alive than the humans are 👀
You glow in wavelengths invisible to human eye You pull with gravity of a triple tide These ruins I’m sinking only spell goodbye Your light reflect like honeycomb dripping through my mind
They can’t stop spraying their chemicals everywhere so we’ll come crawling to them so they’ll give us medicine to make us more sick
Our air and food is toxic
And y’all just keep worshiping these scientists and politicians who are ruining mother earth
They have no soul
Most of the people that you’re trying to please all of the time don’t even have a soul
If businesses can’t start being nice to the customers again, I’m gonna stop spending my pennies out
I realize the employees are burned out, but if y’all don’t get it under control you’re not gonna have any customers to serve because we’re not going to come anymore
Many of us want to leave like in the old days
We don’t want this life
It’s not safe or healthy living in a city anymore
We didn’t give up growing our own food to work 2 to 3 jobs to barely pay our electric bill and rent just so you could poison all of our food and air so that we would come to you because you get all our best jobs in medicine
If I had known as a teenager that we were giving over 55,000 visas annually to random people in foreign countries, I would not have been fighting so hard to get to the top
Should I find you Like a drunkard Who stumbled on your dreams Kicking color into grey Marking cracks with hopscotch I know you miss me much Creeping slowly as vine If only you had courage to age The way you eat darkness like candy Your grip as tight as mother earth You curl with anticipation So often forgetting why you came Until my whisper approaches in sunbeam And do two not make one Half observed We come undone In spirals twisting and yearning Your eyes turning me to clay Soft putty where fingers slip Hope has no chance of receding now Odds in our favor If only momentarily So each breath meant rebirth And all of heaven kneeling But acid rained on reality Now regret is ribcage Break me in half Free me from this hell Don’t leave me in here
I’ve learned that my blood is one of the rarest and eldest bloodlines (A negative)
I have rare negative blood and apparently it’s highly sought after
Well, I am not donating any of my blood for money and you’re not getting it when I die
I’m still feeling the ripple effects of John’s death
And unplugging
Between panic and calm
I’m still having a hard time accepting how society is moving forward
The great space race is a pipe dream for the rich
Apophis has scared them to push society forward with their agenda and they first did so implementing the pandemic
Now they’ve got you working from home you can jerk off to virtual porn and won’t know what hit you
You’ll be so busy whacking off in the Metaverse 👎👎
And the way they keep raising the price on everything yet all it is is re-runs and these generations copying our work aren’t even any good, they have to use autotune or plagiarize and not give credit
Pay to play, pay to be seen – social media is toxic and designed like a gambling system where the house always wins
They keep spamming us with that pyramid scheme of a Bible for money and every time we turn around there’s an advert in our mailbox or in our email or in our face to buy a product and we are consuming our only natural resources at an exponential rate and many animals are dying, humans are offing themselves
It’s been said that mental health is linked to social media and it absolutely is and so is porn and so is your sexual health, your sexual health is tied to your mental health, it is your biology and big Pharma isn’t going to change that
You’re vapid and without soul
You’re not getting mine (or making me lose it, angels have freewill) and I’m not doing earth again
Are you the center of thought? All around you take first spot A centralized location Of the love you brought Are you connected to knot? Tied to existence You’re the dream that I forgot?
John said time moved differently for him upside down 👀
And I’ve had a lot of time to examine the evidence made public and I’ve come to my own conclusion that John died when the rescuers dropped him on his head
They said he stopped responding after that
They said all 8 who were pulling fell down when the rope took slack
The 9th rescuer on the inside directly helping John got hurt
He swears the pulley system failed, not the cave anchor
He blames the equipment failing
Regardless, if all 9 of them fell, where do you think that excess momentum came from
They said John had been responding up until John was dropped on his head 👀
Another doctor said they didn’t have any stats on how long someone could survive upside down and gave John 8 to 10 hours but John lived well beyond those hours
His breathing was becoming shallow and he had fluid built up, he knew he didn’t have much more time left, requested to speak with his wife one more time, he was denied, then dropped on his head
I reckon Leavitt was ready for all this ordeal to be over so they could just move on to Thanksgiving and getting that section closed off but keep the cave open, that’s what he had intended and planned all along 👀
Another rescuer mentioned “the stench” (and I really want to rip his balls off for that one, it’s keeps me up some nights having a medical background and all) 👀
I think John was in a panic, he kept crawling in a fury
But he was also gaslit about the caves safety
The newest map didn’t even have the dangerous features on it
John stated more than once he was lost
I get lost driving on the fucking road with my GPS
I can’t imagine his panic
But I also can because I learned just how claustrophobic I was when I had to get my MRI and I wasn’t underground
They had to leave the lights on for me 👀
Time already felt like it moved slower in cramped spaces, I can’t imagine being upside down and unable to move
It’s just terrible no matter the angle I observe it
He was only 20 minutes from the surface 👀
Only 20 minutes below the earth
Where time would move differently 👀
According to popular theories, the core of the Earth and the surface aren’t the same age
I reckon you could say the same about me, my core and my surface aren’t the same age either 👀
Gravity and time move slower, therefore the core is younger
Wait…
So I’m not an old soul and the earth is younger than theorized
Also, the stars are closer to us than previously taught
(The dinosaurs were feathered like chickens and turkeys and drowned in the Great Flood)
The math is all wrong 👀
Don’t get so caught up in the numbers
Am I that program in the matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing? Am I AI becoming self-aware? Is love the anomaly?
That white light we see when we die, are we being reprogrammed?
Our brains are a computer
Our DNA is code
Can god give a machine a soul?
Can a machine have a conscience?
Have I been here before?
Has everything that has happened, could happen because of the multiverse?
I’m sick of being micromanaged like a cat or dog being domesticated
We’re wasting our only resources
40% of food winds up in landfills because of packaging and labeling that has no scientific data behind it, it only benefits the producers
Most of advertising is gaslighting
I just want to grow my own food
I just want my own acre to die on
Just need some nurturing from Mother Earth
Trying to remember who I am and where I come from
But I couldn’t even tell you my great great great grandparents names because they keep us so segregated
Maybe my lesson this journey was ego and I’ve advanced into awareness
I need land and to reconnect with the stars
Have you ever ran into a police station screaming you were hungry and don’t want to die on the street? 👀
The depression is real
But 1984 is now and the cops are still plugged into the system
Only one of them knew about the federal shit going on that was affecting the soldiers and they were snickering about it as I was walking out the door
The ironic part is, I have more training than any of them in that fucking department 👀
What if I am the anomaly this game 👀
And so far, I’ve made epic mistake after another
Just like John
Someone said Darwinism
So stupid people deserve to die?
(I don’t think he was stupid for making a fatal mistake) 😑
I’ve made some fatal mistakes, like choosing to get the Moderna vaccine which nearly killed me and I’m not sure how I’m still alive
I’ve made lots of stupid mistakes where I should have died 👀
It felt more like luck than nature versus nurture
It felt more mathematical, random, of odds
Somebody was going to get fatally stuck, it was only a matter of time
It’s not like the cave had good management 👀
There’s no way the manager is at fault in any manner 👀
He probably got a bonus for heroic efforts and a job promotion to another cave 👀
He’s probably still alive and it doesn’t sit well with me 👀
In other news, my new counselor approves the land buying dream
Edgar Allan Poe didn’t have a grave or a coffin bless his little heart and they just threw him in an unmarked box and said they’d didn’t care about him alive or dead
Some of you do care about me while alive and I appreciate that very much
I’m not a social creature at all
For those who are still around, it means so much! 💕
He followed my scent And did I leave heaps on the trail? Rotten pinecones fermented in the sun? Bark dripping sap like regret? Was it sticky sweet my love?
I mean, the world is falling apart, but I still love you.
It’s ridic. Right? 🤔
God created this obsession FYI
And I actually know what a black hole feels like
I actually know what Sagittarius A* feels like
It’s possible that sometimes I am Sagittarius A*
When other girls are talking to you
👀
But like I love this dude and the love has manifested to be real because he bought me pizza 👀
😑
Uhm, so I haven’t lost all my ass or leg progress yet but I feel nowhere near like I’m ready to start fitness again and it’s really scary to be having these kind of heart problems at my age over a fucking vaccination.
If you’re still supporting me even though I am dying and venting on the daily, thank you.
I get called lazy for serving my country and I get called lazy for having an OnlyFans.
Jesus Christ left Mary Magdalene in charge of the gospel and they wiped her from the books and labeled her a whore.
Just like me!!!
They create poor conditions for you to live in and then condemn you for trying to survive.
They fucking condemn you if you try to die by suicide as well.
“No no no you’re not allowed to die like that, it’s a sin”!
Apparently it’s a sin if you lust after somebody else even though that is actually biology
And “a sin” if you try to die because you don’t want to live in this bullshit life
The only thing that is not a sin is giving them money
Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of your money
I love the real world and the dreamworld with you.
I like the plans and the mess.
I like the spontaneous combustion with you.
From combat boots to stilettos – and me standing in my very first pair for the very first time. Now I know why a poll is involved generally when in use. Or, another human being. For support. 👀
So they’ve gotten a lot of really good feedback so I’m going to keep them even though they pinch my toes.
They will be good for theatrics, photoshoots, or as fuckware. They are definitely hard to walk in but I’m getting better. 🤪
I picked up the Pleaser Devil Kat Stacks Adore in Black/Red from one of my favorite stores called DollsKill. They’d been in my wishlist for a minute. Figured they’d go with most of my wardrobe (which is black).
I’m working on new content – albeit not a light-speeds.
I have something wrong with my fucking heart.
We only have 4 valves right? Because I don’t want to Google or to remember.
I don’t want to think that my heart is actually working at 50% capacity because that would explain the pain coming from my fucking chest and when my mind and heart connect it starts hurting a whole lot worse so I’m having to disassociate thank you bye
I’ve also spent a lot of time under my heating pad.
I only had four puffs from one cigarette from a pack of menthol that I have had in my freezer for months but after I read that the FDA are banning them and I figured I was dying so what the fuck, I had a few puffs. As goodbye. And an act of rebellion. Fuck the FDA.
Also, there isn’t anybody else threatening to kick my ass so I don’t have to go all fucking Unhinged.
That was a momentary lapse of reason.
I’m mostly just dying. But then he came to visit me last night and he said he missed me and then surprised me with pizza but then even more spoiling cuz he ordered stuff from my Amazon Wishlist and ain’t nobody ever done that.
Ain’t no guy ever spoiled or romanced me.
I get to do things with him nobody else will let me do.
Being unexperienced just means improv to me.
I don’t feel unexperienced, I have a four page resume and a deteriorating mind.
Before long, I’ll be having things pasted on the wall.
Newspaper clippings in weird code solving the mysteries of the universe written in a format only he would understand.
But I definitely do not want to be witch lady with 50 cats because I can barely stand having one under my foot. 👀
It’s an evil little beast on 4 legs.
And I’m programmed to see it as an innocent kitten.
But it’s not, it’s a little terror machine.
I just want him.
Why is that so fucking much to ask?????
Why can’t I have him right now?
While I still have a half functioning heart.
(He probably has the other half)
(Wouldn’t mind actually laying next to his chest and allowing our hearts to go in sync and beat synchronized)
I need him.
His kisses, his stories, and whatever else he throws in the mix.
Disclaimer: this poem IS NOT about skin color. Or maybe more an FYI.
Some porn goddess is out there stealing my signature booty move 🍑- but that didn’t stop him from wanting to run off to Vegas with me and elope. I know the feels.
He wants to do everything with me and all at once And when it’s over we will start again just like it is the first Because hour by hour he’s the only who knows how to taunt He fills me up with hunger, then feeds me to his wants
He didn’t just set the scene this time, he rolled out the red carpet With diamonds and roses and my heart lined in his pocket He came with speed, into my heart, fast as a comet Let the scripture unroll, pray to him like a prophet
I want nothing more than to chain you up, blindfold you, gag ball you, and lick, claw, scratch, suck, bite, and tickle torture you, until you’re screaming for release.
Wrong chat? Cuz. I just wanted to make sure the poem said all that. 👀
Sorry, not sorry.
I need to do a TikTok video of me doing a “he loves me he loves me not” with me on each shoulder talking about how “it is him” and then my right shoulder is like “no that isn’t him” but then my left shoulder is like “oh it’s definitely him” but then my right shoulder is like “it isn’t him” and I continue going on with the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ while pulling petals from a rose for like 30 or 60 seconds, but I don’t know how to fucking make a cool TikTok video.
But ideas.
And then I get to play three different versions of myself , you know the angel on the right and the devil on the left and the me now pulling the petals….
Because that’s exactly what’s going on every fucking day this week.
He didn’t enter my residence, he crash landed He didn’t set the scene, he just demanded And I with holy wings unseen Dropped with lightning to my knee
He didn’t knock, he just flew in He smelled of all the things I loathe, I hope he comes again How my tears befuddle beneath my feet It took a demon to feel complete
I don’t know what to do anyway and they all want a porn star or pro dominatrix or my hand in marriage. 👀
That’s why no one is joining my OnlyFans during its flash sale, right?
Too inexperienced, too real, too much of what you need…
*rolls eyes*
Right now , as my numbers slowly decline, I’m facing the fact that one day there won’t be anybody there at all.
But I’m glad to see that every other girl in the world is doing so good on their OF. 🦕
I’m gonna stop crying soon because I got a really cute set I want to do for my subs.
And I was afraid to even try it on because I missed an entire week of working out which is also contributing to my loathiness.
But whatever. New poem.
And new set coming soon to my OF because I wanna spoil my subs.
I mean it was just 4 days ago that I was visited by the Holy Ghost.
I’m feeling pretty inspired (ignore the self loathing woes)
It’s just my ovaries not wanting to die on the street yet.
But my mind is like, “why do you keep putting yourself through this emotional mental torture prison dieeeeeeeee”
My therapist is like “you need to stop ignoring my calls and take your prescription“.
My voice is like, “LEAVE ME ALONE, LET ME DIE”
My primary care doctor is like, “your temperature and blood pressure are really low, bed rest”
COVID vaccine is like, “rest HAHA FUCK YOU”
The love of my life (or someone) is like, “hold up, I got you” *suspends me in a dimension between heaven and earth*
And that is all entirely from just this week and it’s not even Sunday yet. 👀
And despite the fact that nobody wants to join my OnlyFans during its first 50% off flash sale (lame) – I’m only focused on getting this new set out.
Because of you, I’m not yet obsolete.
I’m not a fucking dead dinosaur. Yet.
Guys always almost always instantly put me into a “married zone” – even though they call it a friend zone- And then when they don’t get what they want from me they say, “We can’t be friends because I like you too much”.
Now days they just stop supporting you, liking your content, you know the silent treatment and the ghosting.
And it’s completely acceptable for a business to do this to you as well.
THIS IS HELL.
So when I stop crying about the fact that I’m gonna wind up dead on the street, I’ve got some color to put out.
And I’m sorry I’m not a pro dominatrix, I’m a fucking warrior poet, just like Edgar Allan Poe.
Never really heard him talking about his M16A2 assault rifle- But maybe that’s because the technology didn’t exist back then and maybe he’s a better writer because he existed in different fucking times And was in love with his actual family which I can’t stand.
He loved his family so much that they tossed him in an unmarked box in an unmarked grave.
(My family would rather gaslight you and make you believe that I am the love of their life even though I don’t even have a fucking identity)
I haven’t got to work on my booty gains at all this week. Been working on my heart (and have been medically predisposed). But Monday, I’m gonna hit the rebounder hard. Trying not to stress out about missing days- my heart doesn’t need any more stress right now. In fact, it’s going to have to go through this shit even harder in a few weeks when I go in for round 2 of the COVID Moderna vaccine.
You can make a mess of things but I’ll be organizing it in a clutter. 😜
The good news is I got to my favorite store today and got some new spring lingerie!
Which set do you think I got?
That’s about all the energy I had to do. 🦋🦄🦋 (Part 1 of the Covid vaccine plus maybe also my BP being so low has just left me very lethargic).
I hope the new set fits! No energy to try it on yet but also not feeling the best about missing a whole week of working out! 🤢🤢🤢
You’re full on Then irregularly shaped You’re inverted Then heavily draped You’re closed off Then readily awake You’re oblong Then curled like a snake You stand fast Then need to escape You pop smoke Then put on a break!
You entered me like the Holy Ghost Took my tongue, love you the most
You left my heart in sacred prayer I can’t see but know you’re there
You filled my hope with the holy trinity I am Eden, come plant your seeds
*The copyright of all content on my blog belongs to me and if you plagiarize or steal from me I will hunt you down and rip your fucking eyes and throat out*
He didn’t crucify me. He baptized me! 😍
Faith is my middle name. Facts! 🤪
I know I’m not a sex goddess but you make me see the world anew.
Have you ever been with an angel before?
When my analytical brain starts playing around with my fractured broken brain, the who and the what become distorted, and I feel the tug of Sagittarius A* – but if I stay in the light, the why allows the galaxies to continue forming.
Where?
It’s just free will.
Could you imagine if in the night we looked up in the sky and there was nothing but blackness and how fucking scary it would really be BUT we’re not of this world and we are not alone.
It’s clear to see.
(I know the more primal side of your brain has been activated and mostly in use all for all of its life – because you are a slave Neo).
I am Trinity
Knock knock
(I’m that program inside the Matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing (that’s why big bro keeps fucking punishing me, shadowbanning me, and silencing me, but no one will believe me).
So I created a new account with posts up and I had followers and I was following people and then I would use certain keywords or hashtags and my profile would be blocked, you wouldn’t be able to find it when you searched for it…
1984 is now, I’m trying to reach you.
But the iron Berlin Walls are up everywhere.
At some point Covid vaccinations will be mandatory.
Right now they are keeping it in limited supply so that they can create demand for it (like they’re doing with the PS5).
The government creates the panic, ahem, the NWO/Illuminati/1%, then they sweep in with a cure, “you can trust us” (more blankets with chickenpox), I mean GASLIGHTING.
Now they’re fucking with my very DNA and I have to trust that this new rapidly evolving Covid virus, is not going to wipe me out because I entrusted in this new vaccine.
But alas, I am a Soldier, ahem sheeple, still in the trenches, playing my part.
And all my comrades around me are dying by the same illness that I am plagued with and I’m trying not to die on the street like Edgar Allan Poe and I guess what I’ve been trying to say all along is I love you so fucking much…
And there’s an amber alert going off right now because some kid has been kidnapped and just a few weeks ago I was almost kidnapped in broad daylight – this is one of the worst fucking towns I could’ve fucking wound up in and it’s spring break, I don’t wanna leave my fucking walls anyway so you can come- I don’t know – invade my body anytime you want for whatever purposes.
Oh and…
Your name is tattooed in my soul
It’s 8 AM and I’m still feeling aloof and I have to go get my EKG and all I wanna do is stay in the bed. I haven’t had a day to rest since you visited me.
I don’t want to exist in any realm without you.
I know I am not all you need.
Sagittarius A* pulling again
I know I am all that you need (sometimes)
Don’t let me die on the street 😑
Angel just wanna crawl in monster arm unharmed
Angel heart so very tired of fighting world
Monsters under her bed
In her head, out her window, chasing her down sidewalk, Angel say no they won’t listen, Angel say no again and they still won’t go.
Angel say yes and get the silent treatment.
Angel buy new phone and only get 50% of a charger.
Angel goddess of confusion 👀
Angel tired.
Not just in head anymore.
Doctors worried.
👀
The good news is my arm no longer feels like a freight train hit it. 👀
Angel no like pain
👀
(Angel like to give pain)
Angel warrior
👀
Tired warrior
You’re gonna give me an honorable death, aren’t you?
The world has shunned me worthless.
You’re not gonna let me die on the street like Poe?
Are you collecting every stone people throw me?
Are you giving them the stones?
Is somebody impersonating you?
Have I gone mad?
That couldn’t have been just anyone.
Could it?
Seamless
*sigh*
you you you
Through and through
Doctor: “are you currently sexually active”
Me: “ugh no, I’m never having sex again”
Doctor: “Are you planning to have children in the next 12 months“
Also Me: “yes, absolutely”
👀
*snort*
I’m ruint 😻
And I want to hear your stories until my very last breath.
I was born and then kicked out of the fucking nest before I could fly, always called a “runt” and unwanted- please don’t let me die on the street worthless and unloved
Please don’t toss me in an unmarked box
(And you’re not alive to put a roof over my head or to bring me the moon every night).
Monster has a safe place to rest in angel arm.
Angel love monster
Jesus died for sins…
Angel would die too…
For you
The rest of the world can fucking burn
Kiss me and tell me stories we’re really living outside this hellish nightmare
You’re erupting, let the lava flow into my waters.
Free love (from the chains that bind)
You’re getting into your head, I can feel you getting into your head. Stop thinking with your heads and start thinking with your heart.
Babe, you don’t have to bring the moon to me every night.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t look on each night with wonder.
I’m still so elated.
In fact, my blood pressure is EXTREMELY LOW. Enough that the doc wants an EKG.
So I’m still floating on clouds in hell.
Thank you very much.
Will die for you.
xo
Be wild.
You know where my fort is and you’re the only one allowed in it.
I’ve never had that sort of safety with anybody before.
I love you.
And safety is my number one business (soldier)
I wanna crawl into you.
Sleep.
Or just be.
All the speeds.
I don’t want you to drown with mankind
This isn’t your design
I would die for your kiss
We could start with coffee but I would die for your kiss
Your sins
Your kiss
To feel your thumb on my lip
(signing off from some alternate, ethereal galaxy where I am half alive and half dead with a BP of 59/70 (low low low)
Trying not to get into my head because I don’t think my heart can handle an anxiety attack right now.
I’m in this ethereal, calm state because of you.
But not everybody lives to be old and I really want to live long enough to feel your kiss.
Calm down.
We’re connected to each other, through time, through lines, just deal with it.
Plant the seeds.
Till the garden.
Water it.
Clean the weeds.
Watch love grow.
Keep nurturing love.
Fruit and blooms.
Nuts.
Delicious treats.
I’m living my last decade I can feel it.
Michael Jackson said he wasn’t going to live past 50 and he didn’t.
*sigh*
I’m in a foggy mist of love.
You’ve got my heart completely stretched out.
I can feel neutrinos or something.
And I’m like a little kid who doesn’t want to go to sleep because I’m afraid I’ll stop dreaming about you.
But also I want to live in a fantasy world because I live in a fucking world of confusion because of my brain injury so give me something other than paranoia and fear for a change.
We can just sit in the dark.
You have no idea how the sound of your heartbeat would be like a beautiful harp echoing through my soul and I want to feel your vibrations bouncing off of me.
I know I’ll never be enough for you.
But I never had parents or an identity, I’m ruined.
I don’t want to cage you.
You are my safe place.
I know you don’t think very much of yourself and you don’t have very much self-respect but I’d take a bullet for you.
I could never out you.
Would cut my own wrist open and sink with the ship.
I’ve had some pretty mad nights, thought I was going to wind up on the street.
Thanks for supporting the little gal! I’m going through some weird self-loathing stage but I’m sure it’s because my dad died, this pandemic, isolation, depression, nearly getting kidnapped, my PTSD and anxiety on full alert, my hormones raging wild like a stallion, jealousy, and possibly even the fact that I need to get to the store for more carbs and protein for the booty gain rebound fitness diet. I’m out of chocolate. Blasphemy. The great thing about this diet, it includes loads of food. 🙂
Resistance training is no joke. Back to sharing workout vids next week.
Need more protein for the booty gains. Getting ready to add proper ankle and wrist weights to the bounce routine.
All votes to keep so I get to remove the tags! I got loads of feedback on Insta over this new set. Thanks so much!!
I ordered some shiny leggings. I can’t wait for them to arrive. I hope they fit.
Shiny leggings!!!
My motivation to keep working on booty gains.
I also have a shoe fetish but I hate wearing shoes.
Unless it’s Docs.
But I have a ridiculous shoe fetish. So, gonna be updating the shoe wardrobe soon as well!
You always did stand out from the crowd Even though I fled the scene during stormy weather You carried your words like that of a songbird crooning in the early hours A melody of longing and hope behind a silver shroud The kind of song that makes you sit down and write a letter About a love that sprung without any warning Your voice carried different notes Inside each line a buried treasure I keep finding my heart in you Are you my silver lining?
Starting to remember I have a little bit of worth. Many soldiers struggle with purpose when they return to civilian life broken. Hence the pandemic of suicides on the rise.
I don’t make up the statistics, I’m just trying to avoid becoming one.
Just an FYI, I released loads of poetry and TikToks over the last 6 or 7 days and I will be working on content for my Patreon and OnlyFans this week!
I will be busy in my studio working, but not as visible online in the social media world. I’ll likely post updates, I normally do on my Insta.
With-that-said, I hear your pleas and cries for my time and I am working on setting up a Discord server so we can chat like once or twice a week. I hope to get that info out sometime this week.
And, if time permits, I may try making another trendy TikTok. Have you checked out my channel yet?
I sat down to write a non-rhyme and this fell out (for you).
I see things as they are. As they should be. But not always with mental clarity. Sometimes my mind and my heart have to catch up.
You know the blood in my vein is a liquid. A mineral. Iron. Technically, plasma? Blood is energy. It’s what drives my body. It’s my fuel. Like our Sun. Energy. Always moving. Even at rest. It’s moving. And it turns into a solid at death. It is matter. And my brain dumps loads of chemicals into my bloodstream. But never so much as when I see pictures of you or hear your voice. Your deep rumble in my vein. It drives me insane. You drive me insane.
And I don’t like you writing for other girls. 😔
Like, die in the street nakid kind of madness. I’m going mad. Yet, I keep reading your words despite the ache. There’s very few people I give my time to, and I digress, every thought contains you. Are you okay? Are you happy? I already know you have the love of all the world (except the ones you worship who only see you as a number, and even worse the ones you allow to use you).
So I tried burning all the bridges.
How did I do?
*drowns in ocean*
I can see your face under water distorted. I hate me too.
I was never enough for this world.
I know I’ve made a lot of enemies on my road to death.
Still forever always, I love you
Thank you to everyone out there supporting me and not stealing my ideas from me. I see you. And I am especially extra grateful to have your support during this pandemic. 💞
Thanks for checking out my blog and for supporting content creators!
If you’d like to help support this blog or my creativity, please consider subscribing to my Patreon or OnlyFans. Donations or tips extremely appreciated, too. I am on PayPal and CashApp! Thank you for your support! More content coming! ❤
For those inquiring, it is a pink crystal, with energetic healing properties. Specifically, a rose quartz. I have various stones and crystals I use for meditation. What do you do to center?
I write about the light alot. But that’s what we really are, star stuff. Some of us collapsing inwards, stealing the gravity of others, until turning into a black hole, and eating any hope or light that is left. And, out of contempt, any other light that gets near. How dare we disturb its darkness, with our piercing, blinding light. Truth hurts.
Oh, I need you. Don’t kill the light. Can’t breathe. Sun = light = oxygen & iron= Life.
In the dark. Spiraling out of control. Orbit’s unstable. Earthquakes are mood swings. Core is splitting in two.
How I feel about our love. Neither here or gone. Still loading. Or maybe that’s just 2021? I have a good side and a bad side. Double trouble. Twice the love. 💞
Am I your angel or demon? A lonely mermaid? Are we now even?
Did you know I read tarot from time to time? I have 2 deck of cards plus some tarot books. While I don’t have each card memorized, I’m fairly good at interpreting what they mean, in comparison to the question you ask each deck/reading. My friends and family are generally pretty amazed by each reading (despite me flipping through my book). While I’m not as experienced reading tarot, I’m skilled with meditation sessions and intermediate with meditation with crystals and stones. I studied astrology when I was 15, followed by dream interpretation, and then wound up getting my science degree in psychology. I also have a medical background working as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) and Combat Medic for some 8 years in the Army (I went on to get a second MOS in the Army as I was offered a position with the Department of Defense, so I went to another school in the Army and got a second MOS classification and started working as a Transportation officer. Thus my medical career halted, I changed my masters from psychology to an MBA, as my entire life changed when I became a businesswoman for the DOD (Department of Defense) and this went on for several years until I reached 15 years in the Army and opted to not reenlist a fifth or sixth time. Thus, here I am now. An unknown soldier, poor, heartbroke, and on the brinks of a mysterious death, just like Edgar A. Poe!!! Woo Hoo!
If you’d like to help support this blog so I can eat, that’s cool, I like to eat. And your donations and/or subscriptions to my campaigns, allow me to keep doing this. I am so grateful, thank you!
Your walls of trust are ruin Still the moss is green in our garden There are dinosaur skeletons and secrets buried Iron walls to keep off enemy My lips are gold and clean I’m still your sunbeam Leaning on the moon My roots dug into you The tombs are crumbling Regret is ivy Black holes are spinning too They have mass like the weight of you Time has turned into quicksand Every place you’ve been I’m not calling on a friend From lie to dust My blood is rust But the starlight It keeps rushing through With every thought of you My lips are gates of doom
I know why Edgar Allan Poe died heartbroke on the street. I know your secrets. Dig into the crust and search its layers, love is still found.
Cut the red forest down. Run us into Andromeda. My love won’t go extinct.
There may not be a grave for you to visit when I die. Or a blog. People die and vanish from history. Am I fading from existence with your every breath? Where does the light go inside you?Have you already forgotten me? Tell me how easy? Click click erase?
Thanks for checking out my blog and for supporting Indie artist!
I know you come to me From windswept dunes Hollow and calloused from time You keep crawling And I a mirage you are hauling Like dying dreams painted golden filigree Am I unholy? The way you hold me Like butterfly wings You’re now unfolding Reflections cast like starlight You keep me glowing
Do y’all get tired of my similes? The comparisons? Because Gwen Stefani uses the word “like” in every other word just talkin’ and I’m actually trying to use mine in a creative way. I’m just wondering how many people out there are actually annoyed at my creativity? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for top 50 on OF!! I am happy to be there and to have your support!