I may go live when I do my nails, on Instagram or my free OnlyFans! 🤔
I’m trying to get over my stage fright so maybe if I do something like at home beauty care, that will feel a little less intimidating and frightening as say going live and doing spoken word or something theatrical
Baby steps lol
But I am really grateful for all the positive feedback I get everywhere on the stuff that I’m putting out so more stuff coming soon and I’ve never had nails like this!
I don’t intend to wear them for a long time but I do want to do them for cosplay sets!
And I will show you a picture of what they look like once they arrive- if I decide to keep them and put them on my fingers then I will go live for an at home mini salon beauty routine and apply my black goth stiletto nails 🤩
Because, I know you’ve just been dying to watch me apply my nails right 🎃
We’re learning stuffs 😈
FYI, back in 2005, I worked in the mall at a salon as a “beauty consultant” for about six months selling products. I wasn’t the actual person who did hair but I knew what products to sell you based on your hair type or skin type and things like that!
I miss working out and I’m putting on some weight but I refuse to wither up and die mad naked on the street 👀
My doctor still has not given me the go ahead to start working out yet and all of my tests have been coming back showing my shit as fucked up so technically I’m still on the bed rest but everything will be happening from my master bedroom
I’m still tired as fuck all the time but the physical pain is less, tho I still have pressure built up in my heart, so I have to be careful (and mostly homebound too)
So appreciate the support, appreciate the feedback, appreciate the views
I’m grateful that I have anybody at all that gives a fuck about me and I do not take that lightly at all
I know I can be isolated but I’m not without gratitude
Excited to get and try new new stiletto nails! Will keep you posted!! 🤩
My monthly door price to now get in (without any discounts applied) is $13! 🎃
I love y’all! And I want to keep putting out hot content for you!
When I first got on OnlyFans I was charging $19 to get in my door and some of y’all have been with me the entire time! 🤩
I do not charge anything else once inside! Zero pay-per-view content ever!
Thanks for your support! It keeps the content on my blog ad free! It keeps the fuse lit and the photography sizzling! I’m glad to be alive and have skin that isn’t ice cold! Not dead yet!
I’m grateful to be on the leaderboard and I’m grateful to have your support, this is an ongoing attempt to remain fair in a pandemic and again, I do not charge for Pay-per-view content. All my content is unlocked inside!
Scroll to the bottom to see the unedited NSFW version 😈
It’s likely just my evil sister or ex or one of the alike abusing the algorithm system and finding a way to have it removed out of spite or jealousy so here yah go!!! 👀
I think FaceBook is a dump and the platform is obsolete and he’s trying so hard to stay relevant
It’s a playground for predators and Big Bro is pushing the Illuminati’s agenda of the digital age and selling his crap
I’m getting off the platform for good soon enough
It’s just a back door for advertisers to spy on you
And we gave Mark Zuckerberg permission to tag our faces and now they are using automatic scanning against us
I can’t stand information control
1984 is now
And I’ll be using face tattoos and theatrical makeup in more cosplay sets upcoming just because it’s so very fucking offensive to some and so very appreciated by the rest
It’s actually had a lot of good feedback
Which is why one person out there has their butt hole burning red over my success
It’s eating them alive
So they feel like a big person getting my intellectual property removed in an illegal way (cheating)
But I can’t fucking stand FaceBook and this photo set had positive response on all the other platforms that it’s been posted to so thank you
The entire reason I left android behind is because android was bought out by Facebook and you can’t even uninstall Facebook on android devices now, so that’s why I’m over on Apple!
Mark Zuckerberg has too much control so he can sell you stuff and spy on you 24/7!
If we’re honest, I wish they were filled out with milk 👀
I’m hormonal and wish I were preggo 😈
I don’t feel bad my enemy had a safe for work photo removed as “spam” on FaceDump, so here it is without the edit 😈
And I will be adding some Halloween items to the list very soon!
One item I’ve really been wanting is some wings because I really think that will take my cosplay up to the next level, so I would love to have some wings to include in my photography!
Appreciate the support out there!
Whether it be spoiling me, dropping donations, or subscribing to my Patreon or OnlyFans campaigns, I really appreciate the support!
I ran a lot of people off, I’ve equally lost folks. But many still hang around my social feeds!
But the best way to support my blog and my content, is through subscribing to my campaigns, through donations, or gifts!
Your support keeps my blog free of advertising and spam! It keeps the content incoming! It keeps my belly fed! It keeps the content ad free!!
Stop assuming it’s easy work! I am a starving artist just like Edgar Allan Poe! I have rent (which is twice as high as your mortgage) and student loans and COLA expenses. I don’t live at home with mommy! I pay all my own living costs! I don’t have a husband or boyfriend “paying my way”.
Your support is appreciated more than you know! 👍
If it wasn’t for your love and attention, I would wither up and die! 🤪
And some of you have supported my campaigns for a very long time!! 🥰
You’re better than my therapist! 😈
I also don’t tell my therapist some of the things that I tell you! 👀
Deep dark secrets eh! 💀
Well it is the end of the world and I do love having my own private club! 😈
Thanks for dropping in or for sticking about! 🎃🎃🎃
Some of you say my sets get better and better, I appreciate!
Thanks for keeping me on the leaderboard and from dying naked on the street!
I had no idea this video would get so much attention LOL but it’s now second place with the most hearts and I’m pretty certain it has the most comments of any video that I have published
I actually apologized to him for getting triggered lol
But everything triggers me as I unplugged and this is how I wake people up!
On a side-note, I recently learned that I am AI becoming self-aware 👀
Even my DNA is code 👀
And I believe the Great Filter is upon us
And we are the last intelligent species to survive
But we won’t be able to leave the solar system or even The Milky Way because of the Great Filter
So here’s a little growth chart of my progress and time on OnlyFans
It will be interesting to see how this chart changes when porn is eliminated from the platform and they push their new agenda of pop stars and advertising
Either way, I’m still the little guy!!! Making tiny waves! 👀
Thanks for supporting my artistic creativity! I’m so grateful for you! You’re helping me grow as a human being! ❤️
Development has been hard for me because I didn’t have parents, I had abusers and I joined the Army when I was very young so the only training that I really have is from the Army or the lessons that I’ve learned being in the abusive, narcissistic relationships that I’ve been in and every relationship I was in the men always tried to hold me down so I never could reach my potential and you’re helping me reach my potential as a human being and an artist
Furthermore, you’re keeping me from dying on the street like Edgar Allan Poe
That is priceless
Come check out my content, I’m running some fair deals on memberships and have over 1.5k photos and videos to scurry through!
While my content IS NOT XXX, it is Rated R and from the positive feedback I receive, my nude photography is enjoyed. Thank you!
I used to complain that my hair was thin but then I realized that I was comparing my hair to people with fake hairPeople will say, “cut your ends off” and the answer is NO. It wraps around me and curls. I want it free flowing and messy, just like me!!! Because look how long it is getting and it’s 100% real hair and homegrown directly from my skull 👀These are just some outtakes from my newest OF set (wanted to show off my real, silky hair). 😌 Hair is thin but long and heavy (zero grays)!
And to anyone who says running and a tanning bed is better than a Beach is full of shit
It’s easy to say that running is better than a Beach when you don’t have one 7 miles from you
You won’t move an inch if you keep standing still You won’t reach the top from the bottom of a hill You’ve been running in circles just to get a refill You’ve been drinking the bottle but you got love to kill
It did that thang where it published into a draft 👀
Proof I’m stuck in an alternate timeline
So I know that I haven’t told you I loved you in a long time but that’s because I’ve been learning how to hate you but the love spans light-years and you can’t destroy energy 👀
I mean love, you can’t destroy love…
I love you even though you didn’t wish me a happy birthday again
So if you’ve heard that OnlyFans is doing away with sexually explicit content, it shouldn’t impede my campaign because nudity is still allowed and I don’t perform sex acts 👀
That’s why I was super happy to have made it all the way up into the top 27 this year, without having performed any sex acts at all, I solely relied on my modeling and my photography 👀
I was literally going up against the porn giants but now they’re getting rid of the porn giants
Maybe this is my retribution from the universe because that porn actress on OF stole my fucking signature booty moves 👀
And I was fucking livid 👀
I’m just a starving artist who happens to include nudity in her work 👀
Anyhoo, I don’t upload sexually explicit content, that’s not what my campaign is about (despite those around me calling me a “whore”) 👀
I made it all the way to top 27 over my photography and modeling and some people want to take that away from me 👀
And cheapen what I do 👀
Apparently the changes take place in October but I haven’t read what all the changes include, OnlyFans will be rolling that information out to creators soon
If you’d like to support my campaign that would be really cool because I work really hard at delivering quality content to my blog, my Patreon, and my OnlyFans! 😈
I’ve always said my content is Rated R, not XXX.
So, you can breathe a little, I’m not going anywhere! 🤨
For the most part, I’m a good girl, and you can feel good about supporting my content! 🤪
I know I haven’t been posting as frequently but I don’t have the energy
I should’ve taken a medical leave of absence
I had no idea I would be down this long but I don’t want to quit, you guys are the only thing that’s actually keeping me from dying on the street
My doc wants me to see a lung specialist about my lung
The VA won’t issue oxygen unless your blood levels are 88% or lower and I’m at 94%
I mean if I lived in California or somewhere hip I guess I could go to an oxygen shop and get some fucking oxygen
I got a bad heart and a bad lung but that’s not enough to issue me some fucking oxygen
More tests!
There’s going to be 9 new billionaires after they get done doing all the test on me
As far as the sac in my heart with fluid, she says normally the body will absorb those on their own in time
So some good news
But what’s a person got to do to get some fucking oxygen around here????
By the time they give it to me it’ll be too late 👀
My left lung isn’t inflating
My chest is tight in my heart, it aches and throbs
She still waiting on the results of my heart monitor
And she ordered me to see a lung specialist so I got to go through that whole fucking entirely painful process
And at some point still do the stress test
👀
But currently refusing and it’s the only test I have refused but like no
Leave my fucking heart alone 👀
You ain’t gonna stress it out 👀
Get the fuck away 👀
So that’s how I feel about the fucking stress test on my heart right now
M’kay
But all the other tests show my shit is fucked up and that’s why they keep ordering more test and more test and God damn I live in the fucking hospital now
Did I mention I’m still in pain 👀
But I really do not want to take a medical leave of absence
At least, not yet 👀
But I asked her was is it gonna be like this forever or was I gonna be able to get back to my rebounding and she said I would not be like this forever so I just wanna have some trust in somebody other than me because I don’t trust anybody or myself
So I’ve been down just over 4 months now, since the first dose of Moderna.
The 2nd dose made it worse, way way worse
I just grew worse by the day
Just thought the worst would be a few weeks because that’s what the CDC gaslit us to believe on the website
AnyWho they are enforcing vaccines on the medical staff, but the lady in pharmacy said that they can’t force it on the vets, that they can’t force medical care on us, so we will see
They show force medical care on you if you are depressed and want to die tho
👀
So, I’m still wounded, working closely with my primary care doctor though, who has been ordering all these tests and reviewing them.
Just taking it day by day
Lots of bed rest
It’s what my body and especially my heart really needs
It’s hard to breathe
I can’t take deep breath’s like I could before, I can only take like shorter breath’s
My vision is off and my sense of taste and smell
I’m half-zombie 👀
And now that I’m vaccinated the unvaccinated have more of a chance to get sick from me
TikTok is a landmine but I’ve got on my battle-rattle! 😈
So proud of myself for reporting a comment on TikTok instead of just getting upset and blocking the person
And TikTok removed their comment and I’m calm, I didn’t get upset, I just immediately reported it.
I didn’t respond to it, I just reported it and like I have a blog full of readers who like to listen to me so I’m not gonna have conversations with toxic people online who already have an opinion to troll you
Got an appointment with my primary care doctor tomorrow, will be discussing in person my heart test results (still waiting on results from my heart monitor tho) and discussing options on treatment, so I will update you!
I still have chest pain, fluid in my sac, and a goofy left lung that isn’t inflating fully (along with a list of other side effects)
Y’all remember that film “Signs” by Mel Gibson? Sometimes I think getting struck by lightning in my Jeep, prepared me for this.
I remember blogging about that lightning strike and talking about Brother Thor pinching me to wake me up about something, I just wasn’t sure what.
Maybe, getting struck prepared my heart for what was to come.
But, my holy ghost showed up after I was vaccinated and experiencing a lot more pain than people gaslit me to believe the Moderna vaccines would be
But he showed up and we did things we’d never done before 👀
And I think I probably love him 👀
There are atoms in me trying to reach him 👀
He is keeping me alive 👀
Just waiting to be ghosted, already half dead so dying on the street wouldn’t be hard
But there are things inside me wanting a chance at life 👀
Women can conceive in their 50s
I’m getting so close to that number that dying naked on the street feels like home
I’ve lived a very lonely and sexually deprived existence
I’m not meeting my potential as a child bearing woman
I’ve been having my period since I was 13
Getting pregnant now puts me into the “miracle zone”
I’m turning 43 next week (August 19th) 👀
I didn’t have one birthday card in my mailbox when I checked but goddamn Spectrum I hear from them every other day
They want my business so bad I’m about to go to jail because they won’t stop soliciting me at my home private address
Since when did our home address and our private phone numbers become a tool for spammers and advertisers?
We need some protection as a civilian
It’s getting ridiculous
Born to consume only
I don’t even know why people want to have kids anymore
The game is rigged
Anyhoo, I gotta go talk to my Primary care doctor tomorrow to find out what my life expectancy actually is now, and if there’s hope for a full recovery
I was to do the stress test today but I canceled that bitch yesterday but my doctor already knew about it when she called me. I already told her I wasn’t prepared to do the stress test, she did not give me a hard time or even give her opinion on why I need it. She understood.
I had 2 stress tests I was due to take this week, but no. My body, my choice.
I also need to discuss with my doctor about the booster shots for Covid-19 since soldiers are now being enforced the vaccines, they will soon be pushing that onto the veterans and I’m never getting anything ever put back in my body ever again, so World War III will break out and you will be hearing from me on the top o’clock news if they ever try to fucking push a booster shot into me or deny me service because I don’t want it in my body
I can just feel it though, they’re going to be pushing for those booster shots annually with the flu vaccine (but enforced) and to everybody out there going “but this vaccines are free, it doesn’t cost anything” you are so fucking wrong and don’t understand how life is actually working, Big Pharma is not working for free honey, 9 new billionaires did not evolve out of this mess from nowhere 👀
Politicians are just puppets for what corporations want and corporations control us through spam and advertising which we give them permission for 👀
The constitution is no longer “for the people”
I’ve been saying this over and over since the “Bush 911 signing statements” but you didn’t hear me did you
And you voted for Biden didn’t you?
🙄
I’ll be dead in my grave (that I don’t have because being buried is only for rich people apparently), but I can hear it in my decaying bones, “she was right about everything”
In 200 years, when y’all finally awake, make me the mascot leader please, k, thanx, bye
Turning the big 43 next week! Lucky to still be alive!
Y’all read through all of this and I can already feel people out there going, “she’s 43”???
OK I am being a tiny bit dramatic – however I have received several follows, several likes on my content and one of my newest videos has already had a share and that’s the first time I think any of my videos has been shared outside of the TikTok platform by another person (aside from myself)
(It’s only been out a few hours but it’s already received several hearts and a share)
My channel is also getting comments (on the videos I allow comments) and after having been attacked all night by others on TikTok, I woke up to this beautiful comment about me having an angel face 😇
So in terms of activity, it’s getting it and moreso than normal
That did my ticker some good and I’m growing thicker skin.
I’ve had to block several people tho but also I think I must’ve got blocked by another creator because I left a comment on their content about how they forgot to mention how people can’t actually retire when they retire, that they have to keep working and it was getting a lot of negative feedback, I only responded to others about the recession and the great depression because they were just saying people aren’t working hard enough if they can’t retire and that is definitely not the issue but it says the video is gone so I don’t know if the video is actually deleted or if I was blocked and I don’t actually remember the creators name to spy
I was literally making his video go viral with everybody responding to my comment and I can’t even fucking access it now, this is how toxic TikTok really is 😈
And I’m trying to find my voice, I’ve been sharing feelings (oh noes) which opens me up for even more attacks, but I need people to know we are in a mental prison 👀
We are being controlled through Big Pharma and advertising – and I hate to be fucking blunt but India is solely responsible for 90% of that
They spam us so much
And for the love of God please stop reading a book that was written by some boys in the middle east who were completely sexist towards women – please stop letting them fucking control you and stop giving them your fucking money at church
It’s time for Rome to fall again
God sent his best angel here (me) to warn you
And some are listening!
You’d be surprised at the amount of people I have actually woke up!!!
And, people have been attacking my blog and my poetry all night on TikTok simply because I said scientist were destroying the world or something so they instantly go after my heart
Personal attacks consistently but I did wake up to somebody complementing my angel face 🥰
I definitely identify as an angel so there’s that 😇
People forget that angels are warriors
I am a warrior and the United States Army and uncle Sam came back that up 💪
I’ve been itching to drop more poetry for you, just waiting on that improv spark that I get (I also have terrible stage fright so performing doesn’t come easy mixed with anxiety and a brain injury)
I have the option to record for 3 minutes now but hell it seems 30 seconds or under is my niche
But I’m pushing myself I really am!
And making TikTok’s has been easy on my heart. Talking and editing goes well on bed rest (yup still dealing with a swollen heart and left lung not inflating)
Crucifixions on TikTok are a dime a dozen which is why when I get a rare, positive comment it really sticks
Right in my fucking heart
And repairs all that negative shit and propels me forward for my next improv video
I studied drama and improv for two years in highschool
I am a very theatrical person
Le vampyre
*sigh* fallen angel 😏
My TikTok channel also received its very first Q&A question, so I answered via a video reply, it is getting some love too!!! Thank you!! 👇
I predicted this. Next it will be made mandatory for all veterans.
People were becoming too self-reliant and too healthy and now they’ve made sure that the medical system can continue making money because India sure makes a lot of money off of us being sick and Big Pharma too and India is the number one manufacturer of drugs and vaccines in the world!!
In fact, we give the foreigners incentives to come over here and study 4 subjects including science and tech and then we give them the jobs here in America instead of the Americans!
Bush made sure with the Post 9/11 Signing Statements that we have no rights.
We have no voice.
It’s no longer “for the people”.
Globalism and advertising are ruining the world.
You install any app and you don’t read the permissions. You let strangers spy on you.
You allow them to track and control us through advertising.
I am updating my Patreon campaign, revamping tiers, and adding new ones!
I just added a donation tier, which allows the pledger to contribute without the need of reward, but each pledge allows my blog to run advertisement free and keeps the content incoming! It’s a great way to support my blog or my work! ❤️
I appreciate each and every pledge! 💪
Soon, I will be turning my campaign 18+ and adding a digital nude cosplay tier. My goal is to also add a print tier (but that tier will be further down the road as I still need an updated printer to go with my Kodak film supplies). But being able to add a physical merch tier will be a stepping stone, we’ll see how it goes.
For cosplay, booty modeling, and full nude photography, subscribe to my OnlyFans for exclusive content! There is never any PPV ever and I respond to every direct message! I even give ratings upon requests (and by tip only)! Check out my campaign: https://www.onlyfans.com/poeeternal
Or, if you’d rather drop a one time donation, or a donation in general, my LinkTree includes links to my CashApp and PayPal and I am truly grateful for any tips or donations! https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
My LinkTree also has other hookups on the web where you can find me, like my TikTok and Twitch channels!
I recently started a new (free) OnlyFans where I can post my casual and taboo content in a relaxed environment, feel free to subscribe and say hello! www.onlyfans.com/poeeternal2
I really hope I feel good enough to hit the city and beach soon and go live to show you the ocean and things that inspire me 😊
Because I do have the ability to go live and currently have 14 subscribers to my OF! 😊
Just yesterday I got a new subscriber there too! ☺️
My OF is slowly growing!
I want to go live but I’ve literally been on bedrest!
The content has been lacking but the growth has kept me breathing! 🤪
I love Florida and I’m missing out on summer 😫
I love the weather here tho
And the parks and the city life
The nightlife
The park and beach life
I would love to show you my city
It’s so encouraging to have your support
You can scan this QR code to visit my OF profile page
I’m grateful for my blog readers too! 🥰
I appreciate my viewers everywhere!
Even my TikTok channel is getting attention, just yesterday I got a new follower and some love on my videos!
Organic views, likes, and follows
It feels good because I don’t pay for it and it comes naturally, it’s natural growth.
I have lost followers that I didn’t want to lose simply because I couldn’t give them my time or energy.
So, I’m appreciating my growth, and I’m keeping my eyes forward.
I don’t want to look in my rearview.
I also appreciate all the feedback my latest Instagram post is getting! I dropped a small set for my premium OnlyFans and this photo came from that set!
I’ve been very nervous to share any body positive images because I haven’t been able to keep up with my fitness but I have been able to keep up with my diet!
I’ve been eating very healthy (mostly)!
And I was really grateful to get my heart monitor removed July 29th, that boosted my self-esteem significantly.
I’m still hurting but no longer look 80.
I was able to finally take a bath where I could submerge myself or a shower where I could fully submerge myself.
That alone will boost your self-esteem
There’s nothing a bath won’t cure 👀
I’m dying but people still love my ass 🤪
Thank you!!!
Your comments on my Insta post are super encouraging!
Your subscriptions to my OF are encouraging!
My blog views and followers continue to increase, despite a loss here and there!
Thank you for following me!!
Thank you for your subscriptions, thank you for your donations, thank you for your tips, thank you for your comments, your likes, your views, your love! 🤩
Coming back to life!!
Appreciate your patience with me as my heart and lung heals! 💞
But not really because I still can’t do anything 👀
But now I know why 👀
I gotta get back to the doc and ask the big questions like: “will I need a procedure to get rid of the fluid in my sac, will it go away on its own, what is my life expectancy now, am I going to have an aneurysm any moment, is it gonna go to my brain, can you please get this shit out of my heart, am I going to die prematurely” 👀
You know, the shit you don’t discuss during a phone call but face to face 👀
This fluid is like a ticking time bomb and at any moment it could just explode in my fucking heart so I don’t like putting my heart under any kind of stress, it doesn’t want to do anything but eat, sleep, and possibly procreate 👀
Dying and all I can think about is doing the dirty 👀
And cake 👀
Treats and fucking because every day is Halloween 👀
Or maybe I just never grew up 👀
Heyyyyy it’s my birthday month
It’d sure be cool to have some birthday cake!!!
And to be honest, I’d like this cake from the Publix bakery 👀
hmmm buttercream frosting and fresh fruit plus a jelly center 🎂
It’d be really cool if I didn’t have to make my own box cake this year 👀
I don’t even know if I had a birthday last year 👀
This pandemic has been hell
So cake from anywhere would be cool – I’d even be happy with a cake from a box so long as I didn’t have to bake it myself 👀
That Chantilly cake is really good, I’d almost die eating it 👀
I don’t have parents or people to give me cake on special events 👀
Maybe I’m not special 👀
But I’m still alive and I want cake 👀
CAKE
So if you were wondering my birthday is on the 19th
of August
Which is coming soon 🤓
I hope I can eat cake before then because this entire month is my birthday as far as I’m concerned 👀
CAKE – it’s absolutely the meaning to life 😎
And thanks for showing my new Instagram post so much love! It’s already got a bunch of likes and views! I appreciate the love! 💪
I got my heart monitor removed on July 29th (a few days ago) and it will be a few weeks before I get the results back!
I still can’t workout but I am trying to get my bike fixed.
Anybody feel like buying me a bike from Walmart pick up? 👀
It would not hurt my feelings to get a working bike for my birthday (the cheapest thing they got) 👀
A bike to ride or cake to eat give me things to live for 👀
Gotta get my license renewed on my Jeep because taxes are always due on my birthday and I like being legal on the road but why everything expires on my birthday is beyond me and getting plates for 1 year are expensive 👀
Living in general is expensive so I just hope cake and recreation is nearby 👀
At least my expensive ass rent is paid but there’s a crack above my head on the ceiling and this is the same material used as that building in Miami 👀
I also live near the beach, not on the beach but near 👀
It’s an older building 👀
There’s a lot of safety features that don’t work like the front gate and the alarm systems are always going off but they just painted the building 👀
We just had another annual rent increase directly after a tiny COLA adjustment 👀
The government gave me a tiny pay raise but they took it back in my rent immediately two weeks after with a note on my door about my rent increase 👀
I’ve worked for a few Indian owners here in the US and they worked us just like slaves, they paid us the least and worked us the most – but just not enough hours to get the work benefits like insurance and things
Globalism has ruined America
I mean the American dream is great for anyone who isn’t an actual American
My doc just called and she told me that there is some fluid in the sac of my heart and she said it could be from the virus or something else (perhaps a blood clot) but she also said my lung looks like it’s having a hard time expanding on the left side and I told her I was having difficulty breathing and she is still waiting the results back for some tests but my heart and my lung is damaged
We haven’t discussed surgery yet but I imagine it’s a possibility if they need to remove the fluid buildup in my heart
But I have hope now because I’ve had a change in the intensity of the pain levels but I’m not in the clear yet and I’ve got this heart monitor strapped on me until July 29!
I also told my doctor that I didn’t really want to get the stress tests but that I would likely do the exercise one but I don’t know that I want to do the one where they pump you full of chemicals because I’m already in this mess because they pumped me full of chemicals and she did not fuss at me
So there’s that
🤓
I would just like to add, the only time I came in contact with the COVID-19 virus, was when I received both the Moderna vaccines
So just to sum things up, my heart and left lung were damaged receiving the Moderna vaccines
They’re starting to put restrictions on unvaccinated people, no entry mandates
Told you
So let’s just not go
Over 40% of the unvaccinated US population hold so much power currently
Don’t let them fearmonger you
Your body, your choice!
If we’re doing all this simply to have electricity, well I’m ready to live without it honey
Solar
I’m vaccinated but I still could get somebody sick and I got hit with heart inflammation because they chose to not let the population know that it was causing heart damage and people have died from it and people have gotten hurt from it and they have silenced and shunned us from communicating and letting you know because they turned this vaccine into peer pressure and big brother is illuminati owned
They may not be knocking down your door like Hitler, but it’s the same thing with mandates
I’m sure there’s someone else who could do a better job of telling you what it is I’m about to tell you but I need you to listen and hear 💪
I’ve turned off ad tracking on every app I’m currently on and in the system of my iPhone itself
Apple ad tracking is found under your settings on your iPhone (mine was under privacy)Apple ad tracking is found under your settings on your iPhone (mine was under privacy)
I’m no longer on android because you cannot uninstall Facebook from the device itself and big bro has penalized me and took away my freedom of speech so I no longer support android
Mark Zuckerberg is starting to have way too much control with his little social media mind control game (both Biden and Trump say the aps are toxic)
I’m making it extremely hard for them to track me through ads and I am not giving them permission to do so
It’s getting ridiculous and clear that ads infringe on our privacy and rights and most everyone seems cool with it
Yet most of the ads that we do find on Facebook, Instagram, or even TikTok or Twitter are spam and people are coming on saying it’s spam so I’m sure it’s somebody from India who has learned how to trick the account and use us to get our money.
Most of the ads are spam and junk
I am not such a consumer where I’m having a conversation with someone on Twitter and then head to Instagram and there’s an ad pop up for what we were just talking about. I don’t need that sort of control in my life.
I can make decisions of what I want to buy on my own
They are using ads to manipulate us and legally spy on us
Well I’m making it hard for them to legally spy on me and that’s why I’m turning off all those things and I’ll just stop using the app if enforced
Instagram has sneaked in a bunch of new updates so go check out your settings – on Twitter and FB too (I’m sure any app you are using, I’ve downsized)
I had to unselect a bunch of ad stuff that they sneaked in and was already activated – I unselected the ad choice options on Instagram and they sneak in updates like this all the time
Instagram, Facebook and Twitter are so toxic and both Trump and Biden are calling Facebook toxic and Big Bro (Mark Zuckerberg Illuminati owned) is butt hurt over these accusations
Good
Let’s start boycotting these corporations who micromanage our every move and even what we’re allowed to post or say
At least turn off the ad tracking – you could start there.
They will still bombard you with the same amount of ads but they’re not gonna be able to track what you do and say even though they will still be tracking it illegally but you’ve not given them permission to do so on the apps and on your phone…
Anybody can make an ad and track you
You’re giving hackers, spammers, thefts, the boogeyman access to track you
What’s the point in having all that security in your home if you’re just gonna give them a Birdseye view from your devices?
Do you really need to be eye raped by that ad that’s probably likely spam which is why there’s a ton of people who fell for it and they’re leaving comments about how it’s spam, they never got the item, or it doesn’t work or blah blah blah
If you see an ad where comments are turned off, beware.
Ads are red flags
Why are you giving them permission to be in your phone? Have you actually read what it means, have you gone under Twitter and read what permissions you’re giving them to track you with?
When has an ad changed your life?
Turn if off
So if you need help finding anything just reach out to me and I’ll do my best to help you or to help you find the answer
I recently switched to an iPhone for the first time after being a Samsung/Android user and reason number 1 was the fact that you cannot uninstall the Facebook application from the device
Woah 👎👎
But I’m also finding that there’s been a lot of security threats all around with the safety of phones in general
This was a fairly scary article to read but wasn’t shocking that the attacks are coming from the Middle East / Asia) 🙄
There are a lot of people out there that doesn’t have the IQ or intelligence that we have or the critical thinking skills so they’re being manipulated and taken from their money and it’s not a positive experience for them and it’s young people and old people and middle-age people, they know how to use words and steal identity or money
Please turn off ad tracking everywhere, you are legally letting hackers spy on you through ad campaigns
It’s really scary if I’m honest
These ads are tracking and manipulating our children, not just us
What’s the point of even locking your doors at night when we’re letting the bogeyman spy on us through ad tracking?
But can we please stop having them spam us, turn the ads off please, for the love of God, turn the ad tracking off!!!!
*takes a deep breath*
I am an American soldier and I am trying to protect the American way of life, which is completely under threat right now
Please wake up
And turn off ad tracking everywhere
Safety first
You’re letting strangers track you through ads
Turn it off, tell your friends
I love you
Reporting the important topics to you today from ground zero: my bed
Haven’t even brushed my tooths yet – just thought you should be aware of how dangerous ad tracking really is because nobody’s telling you or talking about it
And I was trained in the army that safety is everybody’s job and it’s everybody’s place to let people know when there’s a safety issue so knock knock, safety issue, turn your ad tracking off
You don’t need it, I promise you
And go help your mom turn their ad tracking off and help your children and your friends, spread the word, let’s make it difficult for these assholes to spam us, spy on us, take our money, give us bad days
I’m starting to think the reason it was hurting so bad is because my heart was welding itself with electrical charges to heal itself
That’s why I would experience sharp prolonged flashes of pain followed by intense burning
And I still feel flashes of charges but with way less intensity
The constant pulling and tightness in my chest has also decreased, perhaps this means less swelling
I can still feel my heart is damaged and I’m still experiencing lethargy but my blood pressure dropping has decreased and my BP is starting to normalize again
I do still feel cold from time to time but nowhere like before
If I stop following you and you block me, that’s okay.
I’m not gonna block you back.
I don’t even want to remember your fake ass username or how terrible of a person you really are.
The same people who punish me for getting sick for getting vaccinated are the same kind of people who would’ve locked me on the bottom of the Titanic and watched it sink in boats that could’ve held more people.
Instead of people wishing me get wells, I get ignored, unfollowed, or blocked.
“Everybody gone mad / everybody dog food” – Michael Jackson
I have underlining health issues like a lot of Americans and this vaccine could actually hurt them like it did me or all the teens and youths’s
The CDC and Big Pharma should have placed warnings in the beginning when they knew the risks but kept them from us
End of!
For the record, my heart swelled up, heart tissue got damaged, I was in a lot of pain.
I’m just now getting to a point where I’m not feeling agonizing pain on the daily.
I’ve already had multiple tests done on my heart, and I still have two stress tests pending that I don’t even want to do.
My heart has been under enough stress, thank you.
And the guys who come and go from my life virtually are no different from the guys who came and went in my life in my real world and they always did me dirty no matter how good of a fucking girlfriend I was to them (or friend), no matter how good of a sexual partner I was to them, no matter how well of a financial partner I was to them or how I supported them it was always the opposite for me and very degrading, every relationship was very very degrading because apparently most everybody is a fucking narcissist and all they care is about is using others to get ahead, friends, family, co-workers, they spare no one!
But I’m supposed to feel bad that they’re gone 🙄
It’s my fault, when people are bad to me 🙄
I deserve to be punished 🙄
I’ve had dudes break up with me because my tits weren’t fake 🙄
I grew up in a society where they shamed mother bodies
But now you can watch women breast-feeding on Twitter in a sexualized manner 🙄
Whereas, I would’ve had eggs thrown at me if I had ever breast-fed in public 🤨
You can start using my domain to contact me again – at www.PoeEternal.com
WP is honoring the coupon and refunding what I was overcharged!
I can start posting pictures and videos again!
Thanks to my patrons, I was able to do all this, their support is priceless!
I literally live paycheck to paycheck but I’m not ashamed to say that I pay all my own bills.
It’s terrible that the cost of living has become so expensive that everybody needs to work 2 to 3 jobs until they fucking die just to pay rent and electric.
So I appreciate your support more than I’m able to express.
I’m aware the content has been lacking on all my platforms but the sad truth is, I was warned too late about the negative side effects these vaccines cause. That didn’t stop me from asking everybody “are you sure you want me to go through with the second dose because the first one caused my blood pressure to drop” and everybody, all the medical staff said “yes” and even the guy getting ready to poke me didn’t want to poke me, we both just had the deer in the headlight looks and I fucking went through with it like the good little sheeple that I am and now I’m fucking half dead and learning that only 50% of young adult or teens recover from this- if they get hit with it – and even though I identify as young and or a teen, I don’t actually fall in that category 👀
I fall in the category of “miracle to even still be alive“ 👀
I’m not sugarcoating it and my ticker is in physical pain every day
And activity 10000% makes it worse
Any activity 👀
I ain’t no Golddigger but I am digging my own grave over the choices I allow others to make for me 👀
Peer pressure 👀
Or my future self had been warning me not to get this fucking vaccine because it knew that this was going to happen – so I didn’t listen to myself again – again I didn’t listen to the Oracle in me. I’m not like everybody else. I know things before they fucking happen or maybe this was supposed to happen to me so that I could warn all of you so that the CDC could put a warning out? 🤔
I mean everybody was trying to silence me when I was telling y’all about this shit and I was warning you about it before they even gave it a name and put it out in the press
And now people are just simply calling me a liar 👀
These narcissist have no problems gaslighting your reality though
I’m fucking dying and I’m not crying wolf 👀
I’m the reason the CDC put out a fucking warning 👀
I’m just a casualty of a big pharmacy war
The good news is, people are finally awakening
I’m suffering my own crucifixion in society
You know how Edgar Allan Poe talked about sanity being a nightmare?
Yeah…
Nearly died from my mysterious death tho, didn’t I? 👀
There’s no way you would’ve figured out that this vaccine killed me if nobody would’ve told you
👀
I’m also an Army trained medic
I do have experience in the medical world
I know what the fuck I’m talking about generally
I have years and years and years of experience working as an EMT (an emergency medical technician).
What I was allowed to do on soldiers was far more extensive than what I was allowed to do on civilians.
I was basically a nurse and I even have certificates of teaching others Combat Lifesaver cuz that’s how you keep your certifications to be medical
Just because you didn’t get to see me working in those fields doesn’t mean that I didn’t work in those fields 👀
I know how to triage for fuck sake
My skill sets are not like yours and when I was serving we weren’t allowed to be on our cell phones, we weren’t allowed to take pictures, we weren’t allowed to check in, we weren’t allowed to tell y’all what we were fucking doing 👀
I can’t even remember if cell phones existed when I was in basic training 👀
I’m ancient 👀
I found out how many lives I’m finally on though and I’m on life number seven
So if I do die between now and never, my energy will go to another dimension or galaxy
“You are not of this world”
True. And I really do know events happen before they happen so I need to stop doubting myself
Just because I’m paranoid, doesn’t mean I’m not being followed and just because something is a conspiracy theory, doesn’t mean it’s not true…
50% don’t recover from “heart inflammation” and they’re only talking about the teens and young adults 👀
They’re not even including my age group and I warned you before it was even in the fucking news or before teens and young adults could even get the vaccination
You know it’s true
I say Cardiovascular issues and blood clots but the CDC says “heart inflammation” I say extreme lethargy but the CDC says “tiredness” – they like to sugarcoat everything don’t they
Well it’s more than circulatory issues, people are fucking dying over it
Teens and young adults from heart inflammation
Only 50% of that age group recovers
*slightly starts to panic again*
👀
I list my symptoms now:
Chest pains – constant pain like a pulled or torn muscle and then random electric charges or shocks that last for several seconds followed by intense burning 👀
I generally stop breathing during these episodes and they come at random at rest or activity – and activity definitely makes the pain worse! Lately the shocks have been more intense. Today I’ve been feeling like I’m going to pass out. I started slipping earlier and thought for sure it was my last breath 👀
Feeling extremely cold – this correlated with my Blood Pressure (BP) dropping as the nurse recorded my BP – the results led to my doctor ordering an EKG – which showed an enlarged chamber, and one closed off – creating blood flow issues- basically my heart is having a hard time pumping blood throughout my body and it doesn’t have enough kick or force to be able to do it on its own so instead of it pushing blood throughout my entire body it only worries about my vital organs which are inside my ribcage which is why I start feeling extremely cold because in reality I’m actually fucking dying and your skin is not considered a vital organ. People dying feel cold. I told my doctor I felt like Antarctica and I live in Florida. My electric bill was $11 last month but not running the air caused a mold problem in my closet that I had to fix by myself – while dying – cuz mold is ancient and it too was trying to kill me 👀
Dizziness and extreme lethargy – like I’m on my deathbed and can’t keep my eyes open even though I’m getting more sleep now than I’ve done over the last decade 👀
I don’t like the taste of food anymore. The vaccines have changed my sense of smell and taste. A minor setback compared to my chest pains!
I’ve had a lot of anxiety and stress over this – the fears get me and then I spend hours under my heating pad crying because it’s the only thing that brings any relief to my heart (except him – there’s a guardian angel looking over me and feeding me in every way he can. But that’s a whole nother story!)
I’ve been down 2 months! The heart doesn’t feel better and the chest pains are getting worse. The reality is, I might not pull through.
There’s a good chance I’m gonna die from a heart attack over this.
I’m trying to get my affairs in order – and just want to die in peace.
When I was talking to my doctor on the phone about my EKG results, she specifically said she didn’t like how my heart looked for my age and that my heart should not look like it does. She then went on to tell me that an EKG is not a good test to measure the chambers (size) of the heart (but my EKG clearly shows signs of distress). She’s ordered several more tests And I’m pending receiving those with care outside of the VA because the clinic here can’t give me the test so the only nearest VA to me that can do it is 176 miles away so I had to get it approved locally and they only called me last week with a list of providers that I could go see so I finally have a provider but I’m still waiting on the appointment time.
Vets die on waiting lists.
👀
I was in so much pain the night my Holy Ghost visited me and he’s my guardian angel and the reason I’m still alive plus the universe and maybe because I really want to kiss him before I die 👀
I made another TikTok – with the intention of adding spoken word – I could not sort how to adjust the audio – so did not add my vocals to the NIN track – but I mean, if Trent Reznor is okay with it… 👀
I did however learn some more editing and filter tricks – for this mellow TikTok 🤪
Thank you for making my new TikTok number one on my channel! I’m always afraid to even do one because the competition is so fierce! 👀
My TikTok clocks in just over 15 seconds but it has already been played over three hours!! 👀
It shows the average watch time as being longer than the actual TikTok (does this mean you were suspended and experienced time dilation)? 👀
683 accounts reached! Holyshit! I’d pee myself! I can’t perform in front of people. Hell, I can’t even type if someone is standing over me. If I am eating and I am into a guy and he sits down and starts talking to me, I will choke on my food. I iz nerd. 👀
I love making TikTok’s and I am trying to get better. I’d like to make more. But not 3 a day more. Those creators are just copying things that have already been done. And they have all the equipment they need that I don’t have. 👀
I have other videos too on my channel – I don’t have a set theme. But I do prefer using it more creatively than journalistically. Apparently you are supposed to respond to comments with more videos (even the negative comments). Eh, no thanks.
Thanks for checking out my work and for supporting content creators!
I’m sorry there has been less content lately, I am still recovering from heart related issues but the passion is still in every thing I do (including the rants). 👀
I played everything how I was supposed to
I did everything I was supposed to in society and look where it fucking got me 👀
I have a college degree but the recession has gone on longer than the Great Depression did, and I remember specific conversations my grandmother told me about living through that experience.
So if you’re out there supporting me financially, I appreciate you even more.
Dying (maybe) but not giving up or quitting.
And I’ve been writing like mad, and am working on a draft for my Patreon rewards for the month of May!!! Y’all have stuck with me and I appreciate you so much! Your support paid my domain operating fees this month too and I am grateful ! Thank you!!
Writing has always been my dream and my passion, this is what I’ve always wanted to do! Along with guitar, music, and acting but my stage fright has proved challenging over the years (and my brain injury).
I do have a few public post on my Patreon and you can follow for free and get those free rewards when I post public content! I drop poems from time to time (poetry that hasn’t been posted anywhere else).
My lowest tier is $1 if you’d like to support my ongoing creativity while earning perks and rewards! 💝
It keeps this blog up and going, the content coming, as well as advertisement free! Zero spam ever on my blog! No ads! So you can read and watch my content with a virus looming. 👀
I started my campaign in 2020 and grateful for my patrons!!! 💖
I really appreciate that you let me focus on my art instead of being a socialite (I’ve never been one of those).
I don’t actually do good around people.
And I’ve always been very intuitive and to know things before they happen.
“But what’s really going to boggle your noodle later is would you have even broken it if I hadn’t of said anything“ 👀
And that my friends is the only answer I need to know in life.
My new TikTok is getting some views! It got a few likes too! I was just messing around trying to learn some new tricks (that everyone else makes it look so easy) cuz I wanna make some more! I wasn’t expecting it to get past 50 views or even any likes. But it has! Cool, thanks for watching!
“I can’t believe this is the land from which I came” 👀
Oh MJ…
My hero and my first crush
I’m awake with you
And nearly dead
👀
I watched a conference where Michael Jackson was talking about how he wrote this song and that it was about the illuminati and how they don’t really care about us…
Doc ordered more tests for me today and DOES NOT want me doing ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY – she said light walking only until she has more answers. I’m not allowed to rebound. 😩
She looked into the signs and symptoms and said what I am going through IS RELATED to COVID.
But I asked her could a heart heal itself like a bone and she said yes! A heart can heal itself!
So good!
Cuz my body has healed from many broken bones and I’ve been doing the heating pad and positive self-encouragement even though tears have been streaming down my face.
She told me to keep doing the heating pad!
But no physical activity and more test have been ordered.
And she made it clear that what is happening to me IS COVID related.
Worth repeating.
My doctor has no hidden agenda.
Nor do I.
I’m gonna keep writing and working on my photography and cosplay but energy levels are near dead.
She did say these symptoms can last for weeks after and reminded me I’m about 3 weeks in (she said six weeks or more).
She also brought up the fact that these vaccines are incredibly new and there isn’t a lot of data to go by.
I told her she needed a pay raise and an award and a medal and that she’s doing a good job and she is saving my life.
She’s one of them good doctors!
She goes above and beyond!
I ain’t getting no booster shots!
My vaccination record better be enough to travel!
If it’s Boeing, I ain’t going!
(The test my doc ordered checks for clots in the lungs – been breathing okay – but she wants to make sure. Although there has been a few times I’ve struggled to take a breath).
Covid related all this.
To the guy who misses me – I miss you too. You’re my incentive to get better.
I think you may be the reason I’m still alive.
I’m bonded to you.
👀
I don’t even know how I could’ve gotten through all the pain I was going through and have been going through – without you.
I was at the grocery store today and I bought a shit ton of food and I’m frugal
I’m saving my pennies to buy some fucking land but go ahead and keep spending your money on gambling and drugs and body shaming women for not sending you free nudes when you demand
I’m not starving and I’ve got like 15 pounds of fat I need to shed.
Then, more muscle to re-build and booty gains once I get the go-ahead to start working out again.
Petite. Not obsolete.
*grumbles there’s not enough weed to get me through the apocalypse and now they’ve banned me only favorite cigarettes even tho I only smoke 1 or 2 a year*
*fears the day she’s stumbling through the streets naked and mad*
*doesn’t understand a fucking thing*
*needs love*
*Remembers she bought chocolate and cookies*
COOKIES
🍪🥠🍪
(If that is a fortune cookie it looks like Pac-Man trying to eat my chocolate chips)
I actually would enjoy playing Pac-Man again if they did make it cookies…
🍪🥠🍪
And Cookie Monster as Pac-Man
In a multi-verse that game actually exists and I’m playing it right now according to scientists who say there’s many versions of me
Hellos
Can we change dimensions pretty please?
Helps?
*sends out call sign to Neo*
(And he heard because they are making The Matrix 4 right now and I’m living for it)
I’m not starving, I’m just tiny, and I have a very big appetite!
(i also workout normally when I’m not dying)
👀
42% Obese?
Jeaus Christ
So how many on that list “overweight”?
Stop body shaming me because you’re too lazy to work out
“You deserve somebody who knows why you are rare” Mark Anthony
Now I’m almost dead and obsolete so it doesn’t matter
👀
(To the guy out there who got me something off my Amazon wishlist even tho I’m dying, thank you for loving me before I died)
(I don’t even know your name but it’s possible you have my whole, broken heart)
(You probably deserve a better heart than mine)
👀
(I wish I had a way to thank you for stuffing me full of pizza and surprise)
A real way to thank you
Even with half my supporters already gone, you make me feel less alone. 👫
Whatever your intentions are, you make dying feel less scary.
Getting pizza and gifts from my Amazon wishlist by you, was 1 billion times better than dying in a cold hospital room, with wilting flowers.
Now I understand why my dad wanted to die in his bed.
But I’m saving pennies for a plot of land, to live on.
I want to die on my own little piece of land, where I pay taxes annually, but have no real rights, as I wouldn’t even be able to grow vegetables in my front yard (in Florida), because a law has now passed that you can’t do that. And, if the government wanted your land, they will buy it back at the cheapest price. Whether you agree or not.
Freedom is an illusion.
But whatever.
I feel freedom when I’m with you (even though I don’t know your name or where you are).
I feel closer to you than anybody else in the entire world.
But then I also feel like we could merge into one and I still would need to get closer to you.
Maybe you only need a cheap thrill ride and here I am falling in love
*bites phone instead of nails*
👀
I like how our conversations always start off like we’re picking up where we left off even though we’re not.
Like, “babe do you know where I left the keys?”
“Uh, check the stove dear.” even though I’ve never set foot in your place – I’d still magically know where they are.
I think my soul may reside in your place metaphorically.
I’m half dead, half there with you?
Come make me whole?
I like how when you come through the door it feels like you’re coming home or places feel like home wherever you are.
We just fit.
I like how we can be deep into role-play and then have a normal moment without skipping a beat.
“Oh yah knock at the door, where were we”
Like when a drummer loses his drumstick and grabs another stick but never misses a fucking beat.
Of course we have moments where we stumble (mainly due to me) and you can hear the humility in my bones rumble, but then you turn mistake into butterfly wings.
In the real world I would be yelled at or written up.
“Ross, how many times have I told you…”
And I’m the kind of person that if I spend 26 hours putting 1000% effort into my essay and then it comes back with a bunch of red marks including my title, it’s fucking war you know, it’s fucking war basically…
I’m at constant war with the system, no wonder my heart is carving new paths to flow.
Jesus Christ
So that’s what that pain is
A rip or tear in my heart?
I will fucking die
“Looks like one is closed and the other enlarged”
Jesus fucking Christ
*gets back under heating pad*
*Disassociates mind from heart*
*thinks about him and tries to simmer breathing to a near calm*
Warmth is life
(But it also would explain why my BP had been dropping and why I’ve been feeling cold)
I somehow secretly think it’s a miracle I’m still alive
(Thank you to anybody who has stuck around, if anything as moral support)
(I don’t have parents or a fam to turn to)
(I’ve contacted 1 blood relation only)
(I need to get to JAG and get my will updated so I can leave all my shit to 1 person only)
(My dad left 2 people in his will but not sure if it is being followed)
(Why the fuck would anybody respect a dead person’s last wish? I mean we don’t even respect peoples wishes when we’re fucking alive do we, I’m learning lots of lessons with my dad dying, that’s all you should know behind the scenes because my dad died just a few months ago didn’t he and now I’m next.
So goes life.
Some are remembered, mostly not.
I’m aware that I’m on the “mostly not” list.
I don’t even have a fucking burial plot, coffin, or headstone.
And for some reason I’m learning that if you’re actually dying, having those things feels a lot less scary.
It’s like wearing your safety belt when you’re driving.
Or having the rails up when you’re bowling.
And there are people out there was so much money they sleep in coffins for fun.
*le sigh*
The thought of dying and my body immediately being cremated like an hour later freaks me the fuck out.
You will be tagged for disposal before your body has even gone cold.
Like, what if my energy needs to do some shit and now they are fucking with my body?
I want my head laid on a pillow and I want the maggots to take me in my coffin thank you
I want to take 500 to 1000 years for my body to turn back into fucking dust that’s what I want
I want my body to have the chance to fucking do what it’s supposed to do on its own
It doesn’t even have to be a fancy box with a pillow.
I am not an organ donor.
And I don’t want to be “preserved” (unless for scientific reasons to be cloned or brought back digitally).
Frozen ideally but that costs the big moneys.
I want to keep my blood, guts, and all.
No funeral.
Just a fucking box and maybe a headstone to show I was worth more than dying naked on the street.
Never thought I’d have to add to my bucket-list, “buy a fucking coffin and burial plot”.
👀
Somebody out there misses me and got me something off of my Amazon wishlist and nobody’s ever done that before and I have made 100 wishlists is since Amazon came out and nobody’s ever done that for me for anything, not for birthday, not for anything, I don’t get spoiled
But if I’m gonna die I wanna look cute doing it and I may be ornery but I can still fucking dress myself
He gets me
And I wish you were here so I could practice dancing in my stilettos and I could use you as a pole. Hmmmm oh wrong chat 👀
I hate that I am aloof and scatterbrained but I love how you react to it, it’s like you’re just running really fast to catch on a moving train!
Woo hoo!
You’re the warm stone I want my cold bones to lay
Do wish I could have talked to her before getting dose 2 but here we fucking are.
One of the digits of my new phone number was incorrectly inputted when I gave it to the front desk clerk – no matter who was to blame – and this letter she sent me I never received because USPS are at war with this neighbor.
So, when I finally did get through to her the first thing she asked was, “did you get my letter, the EKG results? I don’t like how your heart looks, you’re too young for your heart to look this way”…
But obviously she needs more test than an EKG.
I don’t normally share my personal private health matters, aside from depression.
I’m not making any of this up.
xoxo
(I’m really scared about what’s going on but also I dropped my campaign really low because I haven’t been active there but now I have someone who joined and already has the thing turned off and they’re clearly not happy so it’s gonna be more guys who just want to use me like they do in the real world – you know they fuck me and then just dump me – that’s it – that’s pretty much all my life has been about.
Another hill, another disappointment.
My heart is ripped.
I know I don’t have a great body, but I don’t want a plastic one.
I haven’t even had a hug since 2019 and now I’m fucking dying.
I’m not offering him a refund.
They can cum and go.
Nearly dead on the street all used up like Poe.
I’m not quitting my campaign. I can offer you discounts if you would like to remain or to come back.
I have a ton of content up.
I want to make more art and cosplay. I hate that I’m always the subject of my photography but I really enjoy taking photography and doing improv, dance, and cosplay. I also like writing.
But I also have a thing for a stranger who I feel closer to you than anybody in the entire world and I don’t really know who he really is
He also makes me feel really good
He makes all this shit worth it
Because I don’t even have a mom to cry to
I like fantasy with him. I like the real things too, like how we match sometimes on things by accident. Or coincidence.
Or magnetically.
I’m bonded with him.
We’ve had pizza together now, we’re bonded.
I’m not even bonded to my mom.
I’ve never been bonded to anything.
We’re bonded.
I would die for him.
But right now I’m actually trying to stay alive because I want to feel his kiss in the real world and it may be something worth dreaming about and staying alive for because all hope is almost gone.
It was nearly gone.
I was drowning in the middle of the ocean.
He sent me an SOS.
Wait, maybe he’s drowning and the package is the SOS.
He needs to be saved too.
I would give him the last little breath in my tiny little lung.
I like the world we’re building. He makes me euphoric and that was before pizza and gifts.
PoeEternal 