The only thing that mattered were how we were to one another Many children go without a father or a mother They only know abuse from the hand of every lover It’s simply poor excuse you failed to be a brother
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Heaven’s Gate is where Earth meets the sky I’ll get there if I try Forever searching for a hello or goodbye Only finding time to cry
These mountains I stumble and crawl Every day for you I fall Gathering mistakes for monuments standing tall You’re my favorite of them all
I’ve never gone to open mic night or sang karaoke due to my terrible stage fright! I’ll be attempting an “open mic night” on my Twitch TV channel soon!! Elite rhyming poetess (I live and breathe poetry and have a taste for rhyme)I didn’t record this spoken word with my phone so please hit the like button if you enjoyed the poem or the spoken word!!! Equipment used: Epiphone amp, Digital Reference microphone, Mac computer, Garageband, my blood, sweat, time and tears!! Hit the like button for God sake (or drop me a comment, I love those)!! =) Heaven’s Gate MP3 Cover art
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Red fire sunTrapped in forest of longing Watch the sunrise come
Don’t forget to show this post some love if you enjoyed it, that way I know. Hit the like button or drop me a comment! 😄
Pale and withdrawn Thank you for all your support here, there, everywhere! That’s all for now. Thanks for visiting my blog!
The only thing missing was some fake blood and my custom fitted vampire fangs… 👍
P.S. I’ve been painting my lips red since I was 13. I never outline my lips. Tomboyish mostly and prefer a natural, blushy tone. I also don’t want botox or lip enhancers to kill my lines. I’ve died a million times. It’s written in these rhymes.
Lurking underworld with resting bitch face front-and-center… HOOAH
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Photo of the ocean taken & edited by @poeeternalOh, hello insomnia
If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
I lay my head down on silence like a pillow Stiff The dreams are stagnant His lies are foul My hope sluggish I cling to love like a parasite And without sight
Envy is black moss Ivy-thick doubt Twines twisting around his silhouette I watch clouds form from longing Rolling thunderous covetous hands Prying into my desires like butter The wind is brewing strong regret
Quick strikes of lightning when world’s collide If only nightmares were soft satin slippers One could wear proudly his crown It’s lost underground with the thicket
I have two shadows And not one to trust
I yield to confusion I give him skeleton keys to my home A disorderly garden wrought with weed Tall are worries Watch him stall Even the moon grows anxious and full
If I turn quickly I might spot a ghost Rummaging through heartache With fingers dripping from ink and mud
Tormented by what is And chained to never was
Or maybe that’s just my reflection
If per chance you stood near My gravity would rip you to shreds Our halos are dancing instead
I’ll take part of you The very best piece of you You have the best of me too
Hi. How are you? Keeping safe? I’ve been trying to enjoy my summer by going on bike rides with my dog but it’s been raining like crazy around here. He loves to go on rides and I love taking him. He turned nine years old last week.
I haven’t been blogging as much, there’s little inspiration coming in. Just feeling absolutely drained and needing a break from the blogging sphere. I’ve honestly needed a break from everything in life. I miss travel, food, gigs, friends. This quarantine sucks and isolation has actually been harder for my depression. On the upside, Twitching has been fun.
Now that I’ve got on Twitch, I’ve been live streaming more. The app is so intricate, there is so much I’m still trying to learn. I’ve been working towards the affiliate goals, please give me a follow on my channel and help me reach 50 followers (7/50 currently)! 🙏❤🙏 I’m super shy, but pushing through boundaries. I play other games and I’ll get around to showing those off soon. I’m going to live stream other stuff than just games but I’m still learning the ropes on the platform.
I just want to open up and start sharing more of my life with you. So give me a follow over there if any of this interest you. If you have an Amazon Prime account you can connect your Twitch account and then you can actually subscribe to me (but I have to reach 50 followers before I can have subscribers).
Thank you to everyone who’s been checking out my channel!! It’s honestly helping me not be so stir-crazy!! Sending you lots of love!!
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You tied the noose then left me hanging You pledged for days then changed your aiming You point your finger loudly blaming You have no proof for what you’re claiming
Your youth is gone, you’re well past ageing Your actions don’t match words you’re painting And every step you’re proudly feigning I don’t believe a word you’re saying
To be honest, I think rhyming gets me off. I get euphoric after I’ve pieced together a decent story. Sure, writing is hard. Rhyming is harder. But you wouldn’t see it that way if you saw me in a dizzy spell writing, sometimes pieces come together so quickly. Or the fact that I live and breathe rhyme 24/7. I think I might have an addiction, albeit, is it a healthy one? I literally write anywhere, and while doing everything. Sometimes I force myself to stop writing and other times I think I’ll never be able to write anything ever again. But alas, I’m still rhyming *sigh* and have been since the age of 12. I fell in love with poetry in the 3rd grade though, when I read an Emily Dickinson poem (I talk a bit about that in my thank you video on my Patreon for my patrons who join, so the video is still there if you are my patron and overlooked watching it. It’s been there since the beginning of my campaign). Anyhoo, sometimes I think I don’t have a drop of rhyme left in me. And then it is flowing out. In heaps. Like lava. And often with tears. My rhyme contains my soul. I lived in a very abusive environment as a child and writing became my escape. Writing was my coping mechanism. And still is of today.
My attempt at “But is it art” below… (but is it art was a saying me and my best friend used to say all the time when we’d fuck shit up. Like once, we redid a chair by putting our handprints in paint all over it graffiti style and writing “but is it art!?!). She died by suicide and I’ve never been the same. But all my attempts at art end with, BUT IS IT ART!?!
I nearly didn’t share this for a number of reasons. But here’s the thing, I don’t want fake boobs. I like feeling things. Might account a tad bit for my poetry. But for real, I’ve had many guys complain that my boobs weren’t fake. Had a guy break up with me in my 20s over it. And I have been peer pressured by society and men to get plastic surgery that I don’t want. I also breast fed an entire year, I have natural curves. And I don’t want to replace my sex organ with plastic for many reasons. I could have made my nipples harder I suppose, so hence ‘soft nudity’. I wasn’t trying to be vulgar or even sexual. Just existing in a hot bath and trying to capture my soft curves. Attempting to be artsy. Instead, I worry now my boobs aren’t sitting in their best, upright position. They don’t meet societies standards of perfection. I’m tired of feeling things though so maybe I should start getting plastic surgery and fake nails and fake hair and fake lips and fake eyelashes and fake tans… throw a fake personality in there too. ((Also if you’re one of the guys who’s ever put my body down… fuck you))! For real tho… desensitized nation 101. I’m not a model. I’m not a porn barbie. I’m a warrior poet, dig? Just trying to find myself and keep 100% authentic & real. I feel like I’m heading towards a dire ending like Edgar Allan Poe though. Cursed. It’s in our blood… I hope someone enjoys my little attempt at art in isolation. If you don’t like my body or my art, join the long line of boys who also don’t. I can’t be bothered with shallow waters any longer. Evolving into a better me slowly as my body is dying. Keeping my mind in a nurturing environment. SELF-LOVE.
The same vid as above but with different effects. But is it art? I never knew how hard wet hair can be to manage when it’s this long and wet and also heavy… (no filter). I really wish I could upgrade and get some decent camera equipment and lighting. Someone join my Patreon or make a donation please lol I need new editing software too!!! It’s my birthday this month!!! 😍That’s all for now. Can’t do much in quarantine. Trying not to catch the plague. Trying not to die by depression. Missing gig life to the full. No birthday gig this year!!! 😭😭😭
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Vampirism for the deeply lonely existence I live Darkness for the light I give Forgiveness for your life of sin Reason for my faith within
HAPPY FRIDAY Y’ALL. I DID MY MAKEUPS. CUZ BORED! I’m posting to say hi!
I’m not a model, never aspired to be. A vampire on the other hand, I’ve been obsessed with them since I was 5 (zombies too) and it never sat well with my mom who is super Christian. If you dig stuff like vampires, then maybe you will enjoy these bits of images and videos (minus the quarantine weight I’ve put on). Isolation + custom fitted fangs + a shit ton of eye makeup + snaps + edits = vampire erotica?
I hope you like them. Happy Halloween. Wait, err, everyday is Halloween!?!
I’m single and ready to mingle but there is like a pandemic going on and I’m not trying to catch the plague… literally watching The Universe on Netflix but I need to catch up on Dark. I’m somewhere in season 2. What y’all watching these days?
Just me (no fangs)!Just me (no fangs)! Just me (no fangs)!Just me (no fangs)!
No one makes me smile the way he makes me smile – not by a mile The way he wears me with his eyes, if only you had his style Months go by without a word like we’re living in exile And then word the king is coming and we’re lining up single-file
I got a “like” by Bush on this Instagram post of this poem I wrote and digiart of Gavin Rossdale I made!! (see post below) *squee* (it is definitely squee worthy for one of my favorite artist to like a poem I wrote about him, I will take the love in any form or fashion he gives me!!!)
So, *tries to breathe* some of you may know I’m obsessed with Gavin Rossdale and Bush, I literally wait for hours in all weather just to get front row for his band… I drive for hours, I wait in long lines for hours (I’m usually front of line, so get to venues extremely early, after driving for hours to get to said venue- although a couple gigs have been nearby!) Anyhoo, I am full-on, fangirl. And when he’s around me, I literally do stupid shit. I forget basic greetings. I drop shit. Sometimes I curse him. Last year I decided to skip hugging him when he reached out to hug me, and hugged Chris the guitar player instead. In my mind, I guess ‘save the best for last’ but in reality, STEWPIDS. He stills loves me despite me erratic behavior, he actually touched my pants and said, “I love your pants” (they were Kat Von D leggins). Everything is a bit fuzzy afterwards. But every time I meet him I get like, fuzzy. There are many stories, but I won’t get through them all.
6 days ago Bush performed a free live gig, for the launch of Fantracks, a cool interactive stage where you can see bands perform! Seeing as gigs have come to a complete halt in reality, a live stream is the next-best-thing! Of course I tuned in for the Bush performance. But, a couple days prior to the event, a Tweet came in very late in the day, to send in video questions via email, so I quickly put together a 19 second video, but almost gave up emailing it, because the file was too big to send email even at 19 seconds. So naturally, I had to reduce the file size, without reducing the quality, and in the end, tossing it in my Instagram story creator tool, and saving it without actually sharing it, worked better than anything else I could do! Eventually got it emailed, but nearly gave up until I tried the Insta thing! I didn’t think my question would get selected, Bush just dropped a new album, I figured they’d answer those sorts of questions by fans!
Apparently some 125,000 people tuned in for the launch of Fantracks with Bush performing!! I was watching it livestream free, but it’s now available on Video-on-Demand (VOD) for like $1.99 I think. So if you want to see the preshow, the gig, and the aftershow stuff, it’s worth getting!! You’ll get to see the entire show, plus see my fan question!! Anyway, I shared just the Q&A with Gav and me on my Instagram IGTV, and Youtube (see video below)! It’s been an exciting few days!! Are you a Bush fan? Are you into gigging as much as me? Are there any bands you worship? Music is what I am living for. And poetry. =)
Watch my fan question to Gavin Rossdale below!! A YouTube version is also below! This is only my section with Gavin, he answered two other fan questions as well! Mine was question two he answered! So cool that my question was selected and answered!! I love Bush!!! *screams*
And my obsession with my king continues… =) I’m still riding this high!!!Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by Bush Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield – Screenshots taken by me during the aftershow Q&A
Self, Gavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&AGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&A
P.S. I have more photos than what I’ve shared here. And honestly, I could make this entire blog post as long as a book! It feels good to have my tablet full of Bush photos again (even if only this livestream and Q&A)! This year has been a bust! BUT THIS MAKES ME HAPPIES. And I’m feeling some inspiration tickling in these cold veins again… =)
Please hit the like button if you enjoyed this post, or drop me a comment below! I love hearing from you (you do not need to be logged in or a WordPress member to leave comments)!!
I like teasing the senses. The art of sensuality. LSD; love, sensuality, devotion. My creed.
I like teasing the senses. The art of sensuality. LSD; love, sensuality, devotion. My creed.
Below are some videos and photography of waterplay (no not that hardcore, desensitized porn stuff). Just a gal in a bath tub capturing the movement of shadows in candlelight, hair in water & the softness of me (despite my iron thick walls). There is slight nudity in some of the videos (do not watch if mild nudity offends). Angels are warriors but there is some softness remaining under my iron armor and Kama Sutra is an interest and focus in my life. I’m interested in soft spots and openings in hearts, minds, and bodies. Hardcore desensitizes not only your senses but your mind (plastic too). Sensuality brings enlightenment. I am the darkness, show me the light. I am the fire, give me air. The 4 elements of life. Breathe devotion and love into me. Don’t come into my life to show me roughness. I’m interested in softness. Show me your soft spots. Touch the places in me few ever go…
Waterplay (not that hardcore stuff)Playing with my softnessWater + long hair Bath playtime zenBlack n’ white ❤zenI love waterplaying around with film and editing ❤❤Petite & 100% all natural I do like cherries 🙂hi
I don’t want hardcore. I know hardcore. I survived a war with guns and fighting and people dying (I served 15 hard years in the Army). I want something more. Peace. Tranquility. Sensuality. Love. Poetry. The sound of your voice in my ear. Your footsteps are the beats of my heart. Let me listen. Quiet the things that make you spiral out of control. Focus on LSD; love, sensuality, devotion. ❤
P.S. scroll to the very bottom of this post for bonus footage! ❤
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I hope you enjoyed these Thank you for visiting my blogxoxoxxooBe sure to follow my blog! Thank you for reading this far!! 🙂
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They need me up until I’m muted Chances are I’ve done something that couldn’t be disputed But when it comes to compassion it’s poorly executed And when I try my hand at warmth it comes across polluted
I’m pulling and I’m pulling for his wings to be uprooted There once was a time his heart could be recruited But cheap romance and chugs of lies was a game he felt more suited In truth he won and always will his wit can be saluted
It was long overdue but I’ve finally updated my ‘About Me‘ section on my blog, and added a gallery with a few photos from my time in the Army plus a little back history of my life. It includes a few hyperlinks as well to additional information (like that time I applied to the Mars One project to live on Mars and actually became an official candidate). And an article about my unit during wartime.
He knows the answer but still he will ask, why does the sky cry rain? Knowing that the clouds carry all our weight and pain.
He ravages the Earth and pierces her with his spear, then asks, what are we doing here? Feels like our grave. The end was coming anyway, he’ll say.
He says, love has no direction, while spinning in a circle. And he never sets his eyes on her. He’s lost connection. And all of yesterday. It’s just a shame. The answer is always the same.
It’s not the best house but it’s definitely not the worst And if you think I’m worthless well honey you’re not the first And if you think I’m perfect well your bubble I’m here to burst And if you blame obsession I know I’ve got the thirst
I may not be a diamond but I’m definitely not a curse And if you’re wanting love well my heart left in a hearse I might have said I loved you once or twice in verse But if I stick around I’ll likely make it worse
Fallen Angel (self-portrait)I know I don’t matter. You made that clear. I don’t base my worth on you or my sometimes mistakes. People grow, people change. At least, I do. You’re likely holding onto versions of me that no longer exist. I’ve said my sorries, I’ve made my peace.
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. If you dig my stuffs, please check out my campaign & subscribe!! www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I love the wonderful feedback about my poetry, that’s why I’m now on Patreon which is an excellent platform for writers and artist. Can you help me reach my goal? www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I woke up like dis! No filter Monday (go with me here, in isolation, all the days are the same). I know, I’m always a day late and a dollar short. It’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these and I normally do them on Instagram but Instagram wants to zoom the photos so I decided I’m going to do it on my blog today. No filter, no fancy lighting, no special camera tricks, no makeup, no plastic, no dye, no unique location, no cool clothing, not even coffee. Alas, just me early in the mornings and my eyes are still sleepy as I type this. Just plain and boring me. Freckles and hazel eyes, as I was born eons ago. And believe me it was eons ago. Decades upon decades. Oh, I feel a poem coming. Anyhoo. To be fair, many people have tried to change me over the years by pushing plastic on me (I still refuse to have any plastic on me because I like to feel my surroundings, therefore plastic surgery or fake nails, fake eyelashes, or any other fake stuff will never be part of my existence, sorry not sorry). I still get complaints of today that I don’t wax my eyebrows or get fake tans so I look like the color orange. I tried fake nails once for 2 weeks and I couldn’t feel a thing I touched and my fingernails themselves couldn’t breathe, gross. Plastic limits your sensories. There’s a disconnect from your soul. And there’s actually a movement that’s forming where women are getting their breast implants removed so that they can feel good again because they’re lethargic all the time and they can’t feel their surroundings. And dudes wonder why they can’t make their girl cum. Maybe if you stop pushing them to be fake they could feel things again. I don’t expect this to be a popular opinion but I’ve literally had guys tell me that they don’t like my boobs because they’re not fake. How dare you. Like, I’m a real individual. Don’t fucking diss me because I don’t live up to your standards of what real should be. You should never body shame a woman because they choose to not have their body parts cut off and removed. Like, I even breastfed my child an entire year. How dare you. Stop peer pressuring women into getting plastic surgery and body shaming them. How dare you. I’ve actually had to push through a lot of traumas because of people body shaming me for being real. How dare you. Anyway, it hasn’t been easy but alas I am 41 years old and still 100% natural. And being unmarried is a choice. A CHOICE. I am a fiercely strong and fiery independent woman. Hear me roar. Ahem, so now that I got that off my chest, I kinda feel better. Isn’t that kinda the entire purpose for writing? And I know some of my opinions aren’t popular but I’m not going to silence my voice any longer. But also, if I don’t learn to love myself I’m going to always be chasing after people who don’t love me as well. That ends today. So when you see me liking my own post or commenting to myself, it’s called self-love and you should try it.
P.S. I am in no way a vain person. And if body morphing is your thing cool, I support you. It’s your body. I just don’t feel like men/women/society should peer pressure women into doing it which has been my experience and it’s happened so many times and I’ve even had women complain that I don’t have a tan or my eyebrows waxed etc… the only modifications that I have and will likely get more of are tattoos and piercings. I gave up dying my hair as a resolution this year and so far I’ve stuck to it but I’m definitely not going to apologize that my hair color kind of looks faded. It’s also in its growing out phase. I took a razor to the side of my head last year, so I still have a good portion of my head with maybe 3 or 4 inches grown in. My hair is a mess. 😃
I currently weigh in at 120 lb at height 5’6″ and tiny Cinderella feet…
P.S.S. I’m getting ready to kick off an intense workout routine cuz I wanna cosplay and look gooddddd. I still need to tone up. I lost over 60 pounds (my last relationship was a nightmare and by the time I went no contact I weighed in at over 176 lb). If you are dating a narcissist go no contact and never look back. I did. And he still spies on me. Hoping he gets the *cough cough* I’m not even going to say it out loud cuz I don’t want that kind of karma on me but you know what I want to say… 😂
P.S.S. it takes a lot of courage to be yourself these days. 👍
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I dream colors of grey, blue, and red My eyes open and see you instead Every image is turned into you Can’t escape your gravity no matter what I do
How the greys simply tug on my heart And your blue keeps me from falling apart How your red is like the blood in my vein And your voice is the thunder and the rain
Do you ever read something and feel like it’s written just for you? Do you live in the words and get in trouble when you do? Are they in front of you yet completely out of reach? Does every syllable leave you without speech?
Have you ever opened up yourself to truth? Did it leave you jaded and tearing through your youth? Do you cling to love even if it makes you bleed? Does he understand he’s the only thing I need?
Do you take a step even if the timings wrong? Does it weaken you even when you’re strong? Do your fantasies ever turn into belief? Does reality always turn to grief?
I’m blowing you a kiss. Catch it!! By the way, those little specs on my lips are freckles. Yup. Got them everywhere. Lipstick won’t even hide them. I hate them!!!! (Is this why boys never kiss me?)
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
There are a million sunsets in his eyes He has the deepest blue in his skies He’s got the mark of love well-disguised He has a tongue that leaves me mesmerized
He’s like a vehicle for spiritual ascension Or my absolute end, did I ever mention? And when our tether is broken there is so much tension And I swear our love reaches another dimension
He’s the reason my heart keeps beating on And my pen will never write him a Dear John Nor when I hide am I ever gone When I see his face I am seeing dawn
It’s the end of the world and love is the only thing I’ll willingly die for…
P.S. I love you
Sunday chillsLike, I still love you after all these years I mean like, we’re in hell/purgatory, how long has it been? My love for you? I’ve been loving you nearly as long as I’ve been growing my hair out… And I can barely fit it all in the picture. My hair and my love. You’re all I’m thinking of. 24/7. I need you. Everything’s for you, isn’t it?
If you dig my stuffs, you can support this blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (14 patrons currently 😍): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
For those who care, and for those who are asking, I’m okay. Practicing social distancing by keeping six feet and wearing a mask and gloves when I must + staying home. My community is not allowed any visitors for 30 days and my town is still in shutdown/isolation/quarantine mode. I hope you are okay too. Sending love. And a bit of sunshine from the Sunshine State. xoxo
I have an entire galaxy of freckles on me. I come flawed with natural hazel eyes. No one’s ever given a shit about my eye color though. Or me in general. I’m too petite and all the guys want thick girls or Barbie’s. Or modified with plastic and I prefer to feel things. So I am 100% all natural and rare. No longer dye my hair either. No fake nails, eyelashes, tans, breast, or hair. Just me. And I’m okay with me. I think it takes a lot of courage to be real these days. Peace out, yo.
I give a little still they need a lot I swing for gold but miss my shot I pull the thread, they tie the knot I turn around then lose my spot
I bust through fears like it’s a door I’m exposing things I haven’t before I’ve been wandering for ages lost on his shore And I’m terrified our country is headed for war
Many are choices yet few we can choose And I wonder just really who could fit these shoes And I gave him my word and he gave me the blues And I gave him my heart now there’s nothing to lose
Been stumbling around and lost in a maze And I’m choking on fumes that came from his blaze Yet no matter how he hurts me the love always stays Maybe I’m just broken and desperate for his praise
I hear so much chatter but there’s nothing people say Yet ask them where they’re going they’ll get back another day And I really give my all, that’s just the price we pay It’s like we’re skipping first base and heading straight for the freeway!!
Sometimes I think a bridge is there for me to jump And an ocean is a gully where all my hope has sunk Sometimes I’m wise and knowing and other times I’m drunk But mostly these days I rarely give a fuck
Patience is a virtue and some don’t know the drill If silence is really golden, I am searching still He is just a sleeping lion ready for the kill And she is just a tool to help him seal the deal
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Have you ever tasted sweet innocence Rolling in like soft thunder and how it gently nurtures sorrow Nothing taste sweeter than forgiveness and redemption from her hands The way the rain pitter patters it’s like her feet dancing in your soul Those are tears of laughter now The sky claps She’s not a prison, she’s freedom Your tongue was dry but now it’s wet Your life was a desert but now it’s an ocean full of life She has given you paradise in hell Taste her
Photo taken by me somewhere off the coast of Ireland, circa December 2015. I stopped driving in Ireland to get out and snap this photo of a boat stuck in low tide, with a rainbow appearing over it. Perceptions are everything. How we respond to our environment is everything. Poem is new, photo is not. Still learning life lessons. Thank you Ireland.
Shadows reveal everything. I posted stuffs on my Instagram. I play on an Epiphone. I know a few chords. You can listen on Tuners. I’m busy doing stuffs. Forgive my absence of your blogs (or commenting in general). I’m newly on Patreon as a writer if you’d like to support my creative endeavors. There’s only one me and I run all my social media accounts, but I do work hard to put out good content. Here’s some photos of me without makeups (sorry, self-loathing phase AKA depression).
I’ve gained at least 5 lbs from eating donuts I’m sure… (I weigh in at 125 pounds currently, petite as fuck). No filter. HAIRS 😍I posted this and a few others on Instagram but Insta zooms them. So here it is with my face. I’m sure it was better without. 🙂
G’nite! Time for baths. Probably should have cleaned up first. Dirty gal (more like just tired and achy). 🙂
Today is my WordPress anniversary! I’m not doing anything special to celebrate the day but I did take some snaps for you! With messy hair and a t-shirt. My basic, every day look. But now my hair looks messier than ever because my roots aren’t matching my drapes. BUT this is the year I am ATTEMPTING to love me as I am. And because I love me, I don’t want to put any more chemicals on my hair that I’ve been carefully growing out for nearly 3 years (the length of time I’ve been out of the Army). Once my ride is paid off, TATTOOS shall become me (I have 3 already). I would like some more piercings in my ears as well! Things I couldn’t do while serving honorably for 15 years!
I gave up lots of rights y’all probably take for granted. But now, I am attempting to enjoy those rights that y’all had that I didn’t have. And some folks don’t like that because it doesn’t serve their needs. But that’s okay too because this journey is teaching me who my real friends and family are. Who my real fans and supporters are. And exposing enemies wrapped like allies. And I appreciate those who allow me room to grow because there are many who are still holding onto versions of me that no longer exist. A narcissist may not be able to change but I can. I just wish I could forget a lot of the things they have done to me. Those things primarily being abuse. Anyhoo.
January 30th is my WordPress anny! HiI need foodz and coffeeeeePetite little thang but I love youuu
Thanks for the love and attention y’all. It’s non-existent in my real life. And dudes truly only care about the dirty gals. They pass me over like trash. They make me feel invisible and make me wish I had never been born… Or they are only interested in sex. Nothing more. Like, I’m a person with real feelings. But I’m either trash or a sex object, to them, that’s it. Depression is an understatement. What self-esteem? They’ve killed it. It’s a daily struggle to go on, to even want a purpose anymore. I can’t hide the sadness in my face any longer. Disappointment is an understatement. There are no words…
Except, I love you. Thank you for supporting me. For your follows. Your likes. Your re-shares. Your comments. Your pledges on my Patreon. Your encouragement. I need it more than ever now. You matter. ❤
If given chance, I’d be the one to put the spear into her side
Make her feel the weight of everyone she crucified
Put poison from the sponge onto her tongue because she lied
Never trust someone who has a devil as her guide
Sometime in January of this year I realized my blog was at 5k and it struck a fire in me to start writing more. I figured it would take until the end of the year to even reach 10K but that was my new goal for the year. Writing is therapeutic for me and so I started nurturing my blog by writing more, and nearly on a daily basis this entire year. I kept writing because you kept reading. And here we are now and my blog is a few hundred hits away from 35,000 worldwide views. Incredible. Having 10K visits to my blog is such an achievement for me and for someone who writes poetry which is a hard field to get noticed in. Just ask Edgar Allan Poe. I am grateful for my readers. I can’t make any promises on what 2020 will bring, but I can say you made my 2019 very fulfilling. And even though there have been a few bumps along the way, I hope to go into 2020 with an open heart. And so if I have wronged you, I ask for your forgiveness. And if you have wronged me, I forgive you. Happy holidays and Friday the 13th and last Full Moon of the year. Sending you positive energy, and good vibes along the wire. I love all of yous.
Friday the 13th means pizza, chips, soda and free movie on Vudu kind of day… But it’s also a full moon and I feel like dancing…Which I’m definitely going to need to do after eating a large cheese pizza, no judgment xoxoI hope there are no hard feelings, I am learning to “let go”. “My enemies are turning into my teachers”All my love, always xxx
The crest on my chest
It means faithfulness
Loyalty cannot be bought
But it is hard fought
I loved you whole didn’t I
So why the blood no matter how I try
I am stuck at your crossroads
In pieces and fragmented shadows
Over and over I go over this lesson But no answers tell where the pain will lessen Just as I’m stable you throw another grenade I’ve been wounded in ways you can’t hurt with a blade
Lost may you be but I love you the same Hate is your hand but love is my aim Stuck in quicksand and on a frozen route Clouds of confusion but still love you devout
I suppose it’s more than a name, more than a code of honor, more than a tattoo…
Loyalty and faithfulness, it doesn’t really mean anything this day and age…I live in the minority… (but Faith is my middle name)There was a time long ago when a name meant something… Loyalty is about as rare as my smile…How many more stones are you going to toss at me? Dead again…
I’m trying to make repairs but I feel depleted Unlike invisibility, I’ve simply been deleted A guest where the heart never once was greeted But first in his line to always be mistreated
No pardon, no mercy Just a girl he will never see One weeping heart in agony Sad girl diary on repeat
Sad ghoulAngry vampyre Disappointed Confused and mostly misunderstood It’s possible I don’t care Lots of things are possible, like this growing hate for you… Do you always make the good ones wish they were never born!?!
It’s like she can see through his masks to read his thoughts
It’s like she can cut through sin at any cost
It’s like knowledge of her reminds you of all that you lost
It’s like you punish her even though it is always your fault
It’s like she’s sorry she didn’t mean to see through these doors
It’s like she tried to move on but she’s stuck on these floors
It’s like she’s picking up pieces and bandaging sores
It’s like she’s fighting for peace when you only want wars
It’s like the light goes in and comes out in a different way
It’s like a prism of color wrapped in the words you say
It’s like I’ve waited forever so what is another day
It’s like it may be raining but my hearts no longer grey
It was a 357 Magnum that took her life She wrote me a note then died that night She said she loved me the last time we spoke And then she never again awoke
Meika Dawn Capps was her name I never did again feel the same I’d spend all day with her at the cemetery When she died I was also buried
April 7th, 1993 An asteroid called suicide got the best of me The gun even had a scope Years later her mother died at the end of a rope
Two funerals and a broken girl
I am definitely the saddest in the world
News it broke that Wednesday ‘mourning’
And I have never stopped hurting
She taught me everything, from how to shave to how to insert a tampon. Bestie foreverrrr. She died by suicide and years later her mother too. Meika’s first boyfriend also died by suicide two months before she died and he’s buried right near her. “Suicides always happen in 3” – something I learned in college which stuck with me.
I love you. Your death was apocalyptic to my soul. A day does not pass without you on my mind. You were my muse then, and my muse now. I miss getting into trouble with you. Skipping down the halls of school singing Pink Floyd. Writing songs together. Jumping off the balcony onto the trampoline. Moon bathing at night. Laughing together. Crying together. Meeting bands together. Late night cheese stick eatings. Watching headbangers ball. Staying on the phone with each other until we fell asleep and then waking up with the phone still connected and saying ‘see you at school’. I’m not the same without you. I miss your makeup tutorials. Your blue eyes. You speaking like Elmo. You never judging me. Wearing each others clothes and shoes. You hating that I was a few months older than you, and then briefly each year us being the same age- and how happy that made you- until my birthday came. Sharing our dreams and aspirations. Playing guitar together even though we didn’t know any chords yet. Those plans of starting a band. That moment you wanted to be a bass player and how excited we were to start a band. You calling me “creampuff” and I you “juicyfruit”. You were my best friend and soul mate. I was too young to understand depression so your suicide was both sudden and shocking. It changed my entire existence. It left a deep impact in my soul. I still cry out for you. I still need you. I still love you. Your last words to me were “I love you”. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. And I wish I had known you were thinking of ending your life. But how could I have known when I suffered from the same illness. I should have stayed in better contact with your mommy because years later she took her life too. And when I saw bits of your coffin peeking out from the dirt, as your mom was being laid to rest next to you, memories of that day you left me rushed back into my mind. There’s no way of knowing if you exist in some other realm than me. But I hope when I cross that plain you will be there waiting. There’s so much I need to tell you. You taught me a very hard lesson in life. I cherish our memories, the good and bad. I NEVER want to forget you. I miss you. Always. Forever. Eternally Yours. xx (RIP Meika Dawn Capps May 1, 1979 – April 7, 1993))
Meika With Billy Ray Cyrus (I was there too)Meika with Peter from Trixter (I was there too) Billy Ray Cirus and self, age 13, 1993 (this was the year I thought it a good idea to cut my hair short and have a feather bang and wear shoulder pads) Sister, Billy Ray Cirus, self 1993 That’s my dad’s tour bus on the left and that was Billy Ray Cyrus’s tour bus on the right… I’ve had an interesting life. Lots of unshared stories. There aren’t many pictures that exist from the 90s. I miss you so much baby girl… Not a day goes by, not a day goes by, without you in my mind. I need you so much. I once asked “why did you leave me” but now I know depression took you. I’m sorry I lost the last letter you wrote me, I regret it everyday. All these years later, you were still the only thing I ever had.
13, the age I died. I just want to share my real story. Part of my journey. I wish I had one photo of us together, and so that’s why I’m obsessed with photographing everything now. The 90s. The best and worst decade ever with little photographic evidence.
I dids a thang! A little spoken word with guitar fingerpicking on my Epiphone acoustic (it’s free to listen on Tuners, no download needed). My fingers are raw and it barely cracks a minute! I have terrible stage fright so this is not easy to do.
He is the strength of a mountain with branches made of youth He is a gentle stream of power pouring kindness over you He has the eyes of a telescope and his focus is on truth He’s got the sky in his eye and the colors always blue
First off let me just say, I am a kinky bitch. I am in no way ashamed of my body, even though for many years many people tried to make me feel bad for being petite and for not being made of plastic. You see, I may not have fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake tits, fake tans, or fake personalities, etc, because I actually like to feel and sense my surroundings. I want to feel the things I’m touching and the things that are touching me and plastic is a barrier. And so, what you see is what you get. I shouldn’t have to remove my panties to find a good lover. Everyone is so desensitized these days, but not me. Even that plastic vibrator you’re using is keeping you disconnected and from real connection. I’ve traveled the world, I could have bought breast many times over, but I love myself too much to fall for society’s standards. I’m not a slut and I’m not asking you for money but generally girls who remove their panties are in fact asking you for money one way or the other. Whether it be a print or a book collaboration. So I am kinky, I am a vampire, I like kinky sex but I’m very private about my sexual life. I never said the blogger was fucking everyone, I said she’s fucking one person. And living in Alaska doesn’t rule you out of fucking sex.
Stop judging me by the covers I refuse to take off and start seeing me for my actual worth. I am not close-minded. But she is a sex worker, stop fucking being blinded by the shades and wording she is using. I DON’T LIKE HER AND HE SHOULDN’T BE WITH HER. BAD INFLUENCE.
When you let some punks send you into hiding and then you return to the internet lands with zero followers
Yes, an official Tweet by Val Kilmer LOVING my pen!!! As a writer, win!!!!
So panic mode naturally because I thought I lost my king following me…
But my king and Bush still follow me!!!! 😍*remembers worth* “Be happy, it’s a choice”. A man of so few words but oh so wise If you don’t think Gavin has seen the worse of me, you’d be wrong. Birthday loves oh my effing god my king well he sees me yes he does, I exist, I exist!!!
This isn’t like our only interactions, I just remembered that his love is everything. I may be small on the totem pole but I’m on the fucking pole.
And I’ve got my Twitter followers coming in now saying they still have me so happy happy joy joy.
I dropped a 10-minute thread on Tuners about the importance of followers and likes (free app to listen and use, no download needed to listen): https://tuners.io/users/POEETERNAL
Love will keep you alive Sin will keep you chained under a lie Until you die, until you die But love will help you both survive And so I try, I still try Despite the tears he always makes me cry
Oh my godddddd *giggles*Poe!!!!! I can’t breathe, this is like so effin cute omg Y’ALLJust a gal on a Thursday night in a Poe tee Amused! What do you think? Father daughter? I think I got my love emo from him…I hope you still like me out there… Despite being emo…
For my muse – there’s only ever been the one
He evokes poetry on the tongue
He puts words in my thumb
He makes the darkness go numb
He makes the daylight come
A visual walking masterpiece
He sees through the worst of me
He lives in a world I’ll never be able to cross into
A star so bright he can pierce through –
Any structure, any crack or dark avenue
He’s teaching me how to be human too
He suffers the way you and I do
I hate it but it’s true
An archangel of the highest order –
Though probably not a title he’d gladly hoarder
I see him in a different color
Where blackness is always duller
His mind is so expanse he’s more than genius
His message is love just like Jesus 🙂
He should be my life thesis 🙂
(Fuck, he’ll probably see this) 🙂
((I’m not trying to start a war I promise))
BUT I AM FUCKING GLAD FOR HIS EXISTENCE
Well, he’s perfect yes
Even when he’s not at his best
And so yeah, I love him more than all the rest
I’m sorry if that will put you to the test
I am not a threat
Respect, admiration, freelove
It’s a gift from above
(I am just a little dove)
And so I am thankful forever of..
“HAPPY LIKE A BROKEN RECORD” inspired by Alexander Ebert 1000% of the time (photo edits by me)
I wanna come, so then I go
You say go fast, so I go slow
You say goodbye, I’m at hello
I drop a bomb, for afterglow
I sleep outside my own prison gate I build a wall to suffocate And any trespasser I will violate Just come near me and you will ache
I am good but I am bad
I am happy but I am sad
I am boring but I am rad
I think I died in Baghdad
I am the pleasure but he is the pain
No matter the blood, I need him the same
I laid down my gun and this isn’t a game
You have the key to open my chain
He is the stable, I am a wild horse Maybe it is hate, I don’t know the force And if he loves me, it is only in fourths I have looked for love but I can’t find the source
“My indecision is final…”I always gots rosey cheeks and freckles (Alabama, circa 2015)Missouri (AKA MISERY) Circa 2007ishIraq circa 2003 Tennessee barely sixteen Florida circa 2016ish Tennessee age 18 with my 9 month old baby that I breastfed a solid year (my hair is nearly that long again *squee* but this is my natural color, brunette with hazel eyes)(Self, age 18, kiddo 9 months) A hippy goth in docs, nothing much has changed 🙂 (age 18)The 90s, the best and worst decade of my lifeI iz evolving (Florida, my birthday 2019)
He offered me the sky, said it would be no problem to buy, if I wanted it He flashed diamonds in my eye, that should easily satisfy, said I have credit Replace that hardened cry, with a fresh necktie, I’ve got the perfect fit I looked the devil in the eye, I said you trixter of a guy, as the blood left my wrist
Suicide awarenesseveryday. I’m on the guestlist to see Peter Hook in Atlanta this month, I’ve waited all year for this. My only REGRET in life would be not hearing this live. Why is this related? Well, the lead singer/songwriter of a band I dig died by suicide, Ian Curtis. When that happened, Joy Division became New Order and NO is a favorite band. Hooky was the co-founder of both bands. I dance alot to New Order. ALOT.
Ian Curtis – suicide Mina Tepes – suicide Kurt Cobain – suicide Judas Iscariot – suicide Etika – suicide Robin Williams – suicide Archias of Cyprus – suicide Hunter S Thompson – suicide Diaeus – suicide Sylvia Plath – suicide Cleopatra – suicide Alexander McQueen – suicide Marilyn Monroe – suicide Chris Cornell – suicide Ernest Hemingway – suicide Michael Hutchence – suicide
Me with the leader of the goth revolution, Peter Hook, last year in Orlando, I was on the guestlist. Don’t know if I’ll get to meet him this time, but I can’t wait to hear the songs, some of my favorite will be played this time, and Hooky is my favorite bass player! This was taken on a crappy cellphone after hours of dancing/sweating, care nots! It’s actually a fun story, I didn’t realize it was actually Hooky smoking inside the building under the “no smoking” sign, when I asked to come down to that particular area and he invited me down that way three times. I dropped my purse in the middle of the backstage hall when I realized it was Hooky and followed him out the door leaving my purse and pass on the floor! About 10 minutes later the manager of the venue brought it to me as I was still outside shook from having just met Hooky. I was like OMFG THANK YOU cuz I was mingling with the rest of the band and talking to others so it still wasn’t on my mind that my purse was in the middle of the hall backstage floor. Gig life. The entire story is longer. 😂I was guestlisted for Peter Hook & The Light, Orlando, Florida 2018 My favorite place to be, front row of a favorite band (Peter Hook, New Order / Joy Division 2018, crappy cellphone photo by me)
Nocturnal mistress Tell me about all the things you hate about me again… Absolutely no filter and me as of twenty minutes ago Where most of the magic happens (or crying)
After dark is my favorite time Tell me do they fill the places I’m void in you? Do you think you could ever love me too?
Yes? No? Maybe? Am I only loved in half light? I always dream of you xxoo So goodnight, sweet dreams…
No vampire balls or masquerades
Depression can last for decades
Why do you leave me but never leave me? Why do you pretend that you don’t need me? Why is it, when I cut you, I start bleeding? Why is it, when you cut me, I start feeding?
Age 410 Ich habe hunger I’d apologise for being a bitch but…But these mortals get what they ask for…These are my classic dracula style fangs, but I have other sets that make me look a monster. Halloween soon. Nosferatu season. Dead like me. FamishedFeed me
I struggle with being good because it only brings me loneliness. I thought good women made good men? You know, like a girl bringing out the best in a man, so he could be good for her? I’m seriously giving up. I get zero nurturing in life. I barely receive likes on my post. I feel like the output is greater than the reward. And I don’t want to have to take my clothes off for attention. So I guess I’m just going to die. There’s just not much in life for me anymore. I’m sorry but life is just so tough and when it comes to love there isn’t enough.
I’m stunned my blog is nearing 25K, it just hit 20K! APPRECIATION POST COMES WITH SMILES! THANK YOU ALL FOR READING MY POEMS!!!! Below lies a happy Poe, errr Delia.
peace, luvs, happiness
I may not be perfectsI’m worth about twenty cents currently…Maybe a quarter if I count my pennies…. 🤓
PoeEternal 