Let’s just hope the world is better prepared with eyes to see
If my only mission is to expose the truth
I will die by my honor
And accusing Michael Leavitt of murder
He should be hung in the streets and then sliced open from the balls
Let gravity do its thang
Or, make him crawl in that fucking hole and hang with his bones
And for the love of God since nearly a decade or more has passed can someone please take a robot in there and retrieve his fucking body and put it in a proper burial ground
For the love of god please
I would crawl in the hole and do it myself but I experienced firsthand claustrophobia when I had to go in for my MRI
And they had to leave the little light on for me
Because I’m 2 and afraid of the dark
And confined spaces
And gaslighting
👀
And I’m dying
I’m not being melodramatic
But I’m trying to live
It’s painful
Just to breathe
But I had to get this off my chest please
I still didn’t even say or do what I needed/wanted
It’s just, that thing you said
Made me cry 👀
I know everything makes me cry
But sometimes the tears feel worthy
And I allow gravity to let them fall
But it also relieved some pressure built up in the chest
Because I haven’t stopped thinking about the way John Jones died or researching every goddamn thing about it
Like, I need to go to Utah and crawl in that hole and pull him out
Y’all, I have nearly died on him and he hasn’t ghosted me yet.
I went from young and wistful to 94 years old and knocking on my grave overnight and that still hasn’t pushed him away.
He’s still into me half-dead
And I’ve shared weird thoughts and had innocent embarrassing moments and like… he ain’t gone.
I know I live in a land of fantasy but he gives my sky color
I don’t even like the real world
I went to the park today at high noon, and spent the afternoon with a wild, sable duck grooming himself, eating, yawning, and napping. I saw a duck yawn. I never knew I needed to see that until I saw. 👇
So if you ever wondered what you’d find at the end of the rainbow, it’s this. ❤️
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I’m glad my spoken word made top 3 but the nasty “wtf” comments don’t help my stage fright 😑
I’m an introvert with severe stage fright.
I want to make more TikTok’s tho and I appreciate your views to my channel!
I’ve been writing a lot of poetry but I want to make more spoken word videos AND go live on TikTok for the very first time to read my poetry – since I’ve had a request on TikTok to do that, just this week!
Pushing through fears and listening to my audience!! 💪
(You can completely turn off commenting and other features if you don’t wanna deal with comments)
I’m going live on Twitch again soon too!! I’m going to be live-streaming more of the new Resident Evil chapter that came out on Dead By Daylight!
Fun stuff planned!
If you’d like to support my ongoing creativity, I’m on Patreon and OnlyFans!
Just like any other industry, we rely on memberships, subscriptions, and tips to get by!
Thanks for supporting independent content creators! 💪
So I just sent the OnlyFans team a request on how to get a new free verified account started – I was dead serious about starting one – I’m not going anywhere (even though I can barely do shit at the moment, I do intend a full recovery from this COVID vaccine nightmare) –
I hope you are excited as me about the free account!
It will be FREE but you will have to subscribe to access the lewd (NOT NUDE) content.
This way I no longer get in trouble from Big Bro for not doing anything wrong at all – and maybe I can go back to having an actual personality where I don’t fear everything I post or say or hashtag. 💪
Nor, the erroneous reporting out of spite and jealousy. 🚫
I like having a private club and people want to see more of me and I’ve had several request on several different social sites and now I’ll have a place to direct them to see more (but if they want to see it all, it will require a subscription)! 🙃
Anyway, I’m really excited about starting the process for my new FREE OnlyFans!
I hope you are excited too! 🙌
I have heard your cries!
So I am expanding my doors!
I love you! 💕
As a reminder – I love doing cosplay and role play! I’m gonna keep at this! It’s what I wanted to do since I was a little girl – and I feel really excited about expanding my business, opening my doors (privately) and in a place where I can be as tacky as a fucking want even though I’m actually more classy than I am tacky but whatever
I do specialize in softcore but there’s an art to it and it’s more commonly known as like Kama Sutra or vampirism. 👀
It’s more about sensation and less about desensitizing.
🙌
Le vampyre and 1984 is now so it’s time to expand my doors because you’ve asked for more – and I don’t actually like publicly sharing more.
Again, lewds not nudes! You’ll have to be a big boy and pay if you wanna see it all.
But, I can go back to being my kinky seductive flirty vampire self oh my fucking God! I’m super fucking excited and I hope you will consider joining my free OnlyFans!
You asked, I complied! 🤪
Your wish is my command! 🤓
I’m still working on redoing my home studio and master bedroom. I don’t have shit hung anywhere. It looks like I’ve already died and the vultures have been here! 👀
Spring cleaning + reorganizing + downsizing = nightmare 🤪
Especially when you have no design skills at all and everything you currently have is a mix-mash of wtfisgoingon 😩
And then add some sort of glitch that makes it hard for you to let anything go even though you don’t even fucking want it
🤪
I don’t know why I’m holding onto all this shit and it’s gonna come out into a poem at some point 😷
My time is almost up but I found one more way to say I love you 💕
Our home is a starship. The kind like Elon Musk has built, the reusable landing kind.
Not the NASA death tomb.
The kind of starship that fuels your dreams.
And we need to name it.
(One of the tiny rooms contains all your poetry and I fall asleep on the floor for never wanting to leave).
(Sometimes you tell me bedtime stories)
(Sometimes you pick me off the floor and hold me)
(I like starship the best because it contains you)
((I didn’t know Elon musk had named his starship until I went to look and then I was like of course he did, of course he named it starship))
I was just thinking about how you drop in, not by cloud, not by comet, by starship!
And like a boat you built by hand, but a starship.
And then I saw the article where Elon musk actually named his rocket starship.
Of course he fucking did
So the fantasy I was laying here having actually is a reality for somebody else
lmao
But poem 😏
I love when you drop in.
I love you.
And I’m sending all my love to you lightning speed through a starship.
Babe, now we got a space shuttle!
I like it, I like it a lot.
We need to break it in. 👀
*goes back to dreaming*
(Have always wanted to do it in zero gravity)
Thank you for getting me items off my Amazon wishlist. I’m happy to have a cute little schoolgirl outfit to go with my pigtails and things. It’s Adome lingerie and I like their clothing line on Amazon.
I wish I had a real way to thank you.
(I know it’s all fun and games but it makes my heart happy)
I love y’all so much for not letting me die on the street!
And it feels like that trust thing, where you get blindfolded and fall backwards and trust that they will catch you.
Because I’m opening up there and exploring my sexuality through camera work and modeling and it’s my safe place to do so.
My account is not hardcore XXX porn.
I strip, I’m a stripper – but with my artsy spin.
I’m doing stuff there I’ve never even done with another human being in the real world and it’s very liberating.
It’s very liberating taking my clothes off and I don’t feel guilty or sinful about it.
It feels natural.
Even my weird fetish’s I’m learning to explore (vampire cosplay, child cosplay, ect)
And I’ve also done ratings on others and one said it was a really good mental health boost.
I can live with that.
Because it’s also a really big mental health boost just for having your support.
I love you! 💕
I swear to fuck my OnlyFans is better than therapy!
And I realize that my account is way more softcore compared to what other girls are doing on their accounts (I do not masturbate or do porn / XXX). My content is Rated R though. It’s not PG.
I studied the Kama Sutra all my life and my focus was always seduction (vampire) and sensuality (sensation).
I think I may try to tell stories with the photo sets that I put out.
Not all of the sets because lately I’ve been posting more casual content that would get me in trouble or banned on Instagram.
And I asked them if they would be OK with me doing that and they said yes.
So sometimes they get me taking a bubble bath or sometimes they get me doing cosplay.
Can’t wait to be fully vaccinated though so I can travel and still wear my mask everywhere. 👀
The month of April has been hard for me medically – because of my COVID vaccinations.
I’m currently day 2 into dose 2 of the Moderna vaccine.
So thank you for letting me post more casual stuff that would get me in trouble or banned on Instagram (or falsely reported and removed).
Like my booty. Been posting lots more booty progress there on OF since I get in trouble for posting it on Instagram, despite there being naked women who are being sexually suggestive and in fact, it is sexual solicitation, but their post can remain because they haven’t been shadowbanned.
Overall, I’m just grateful for your support on my OnlyFans.
I tried to go live the other night on Instagram to show you the beach, and I was blocked from doing that on my account.
It made me want to drown myself in the ocean. 👀
Big bro has made social media toxic as fuck.
I literally fear doing anything there.
Which makes me even more grateful for my OnlyFans that I have your support because I could be nowhere on the leaderboard and dead on the street.
And there are absolutely people out there that are making me feel bad for even being on the leaderboard because they would’ve locked me on the bottom of the Titanic and watched it sink in boats that could’ve held more people.
Still holding Top 29%! Thank you to everyone who supports my hard work! I’m trying to avoid dying on the street like Edgar Allan Poe! I appreciate you!! 💕
I’m spending my weekend in my studio writing and recording content for my patrons!
I go in for dose 2 of Moderna in just a few days!
So I’d like to try to push out another little set for my OF as well!
He wants to do everything with me and all at once And when it’s over we will start again just like it is the first Because hour by hour he’s the only who knows how to taunt He fills me up with hunger, then feeds me to his wants
I want nothing more than to chain you up, blindfold you, gag ball you, and lick, claw, scratch, suck, bite, and tickle torture you, until you’re screaming for release.
Wrong chat? Cuz. I just wanted to make sure the poem said all that. 👀
Sorry, not sorry.
I need to do a TikTok video of me doing a “he loves me he loves me not” with me on each shoulder talking about how “it is him” and then my right shoulder is like “no that isn’t him” but then my left shoulder is like “oh it’s definitely him” but then my right shoulder is like “it isn’t him” and I continue going on with the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ while pulling petals from a rose for like 30 or 60 seconds, but I don’t know how to fucking make a cool TikTok video.
But ideas.
And then I get to play three different versions of myself , you know the angel on the right and the devil on the left and the me now pulling the petals….
Because that’s exactly what’s going on every fucking day this week.
You always did stand out from the crowd Even though I fled the scene during stormy weather You carried your words like that of a songbird crooning in the early hours A melody of longing and hope behind a silver shroud The kind of song that makes you sit down and write a letter About a love that sprung without any warning Your voice carried different notes Inside each line a buried treasure I keep finding my heart in you Are you my silver lining?
Take me now or lose me forever? I’m on the OnlyFans, I dropped a new cosplay set, I have more content coming. Thanks for putting me in the Top 50 on OF! Happy to be on the leaderboard! 💞Woot! Awesome to be on the OF leaderboard! Thanks!
Better than coffee, slippery when wet oh wait, wrong analogy 😋
You do more than perk me up. Carving new channels of longing…
Are we still talking about coffee? I really need some coffee. You know what I mean? COFFEEE
People get addicted to coffee and people get addicted to people. But people addictions are way stronger. Like I don’t see people dying by suicide because they didn’t get Starbucks today.
I suffer from depression and I realize in hindsight that’s probably a tacky thing to say but it’s true. Like I can go days and days without eating and it’s cool, like no big deal, fuck life, but make me go one more day without love and nurturing and like oh my God, I’m ready to f****** die….
Chemicals. 😏
I mean, all of this, all of creation, over some fucking gas. It’s mind boggling.
It’s energy though. Manifesting itself in the most beautiful and cruel ways.
Ever notice how everything is always falling downwards?
Gravity gravity, I’m not talking about no apple falling from a tree.
Sagittarius A* – that supermassive black hole in the center of our Milky Way galaxy that our Sun is orbiting. *bites nails*
Pigtails as voted for by my followers on Insta ☺
If you like my content, there are ways to support me! Check out my LinkTree for where you can find exclusive content! Thank you for supporting content creators! https://linktr.ee/poeeternal
I feel like I’m falling behind. Consistently, like I’m falling behind. Is this what swimming upstream to your death feels like?
(A 3D version of me)
We’ve now moved into a realm where the possibility of Planet X is high probability.
We’re 2000 light-years closer to Sagittarius A* than we’ve realized. We’ve also found out that our distances were way off, they are using new methods to calculate distances. Things are closer to us than they appear. Like in our rear view? And do they ever account for that? 🤔
Maybe the ending of “Is Genesis History” is not so ridiculous after all but I’m still obsessed with that movie, as I am dinosaurs, and that film talks about all sorts of cool shit. Like how old the Earth actually is based on the calculations of the rock formations on Earth and these are scientists. Eh, as a Generation X, I have found that everything I was taught growing up was a f****** lie. I slept through most of my life, plugged into The Matrix. I tried to free many people but have since learned that just like in the film many people want to stay plugged in. Bah. I’m too tired or dead to give a shit. But the animals, the trees!! *sobs* I feel Earth’s gravity tugging on me. Or maybe it’s that giant f****** black hole in the center of our galaxy that’s lurking and I guarantee you come the next update we’ll find we’re even closer to it.
next Apophis flyby APRIL 2-0-2-9 / the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour in fact is quite here(-)
I hope I get to kiss you before the end of the world
I have 8 followers on TikTok and I am going up against Big Bro and his shadowbans so yeah, I am grateful you took the time to watch my 30-second TikTok (which actually took me hours to make not including rehearsal times)! 👀
I am pushing through roadblocks like stage fright and anxiety, shadowbans, and others making fun of me and what I’m doing.
But I have seen way worse tiktoks and I’m doing something original. I’m trying.
I do hope to get better at making clever video but right now my tricks are just pulling out my creative writing tool bag and dousing you with words and a little bit of drama.
Do they teach how to make TikTok videos in school now? Because I’m going up against some fierce competition and I am truly grateful for your plays! 😍
12 hours in and it had already received 350 plays plus a couple boys making fun of it! When I asked him what he had against poetry he said he didn’t know “idk”. I guess this was the first time he has ever even heard spoken word poetry? I’m pushing TikTok boundaries?
Can it reach 500 plays in under 24 hours? It’s nearly there with several hours to go! We’re at hour 17! C’mon! 😍
Thanks for watching and for supporting indie bloggers and content creators!
Your walls of trust are ruin Still the moss is green in our garden There are dinosaur skeletons and secrets buried Iron walls to keep off enemy My lips are gold and clean I’m still your sunbeam Leaning on the moon My roots dug into you The tombs are crumbling Regret is ivy Black holes are spinning too They have mass like the weight of you Time has turned into quicksand Every place you’ve been I’m not calling on a friend From lie to dust My blood is rust But the starlight It keeps rushing through With every thought of you My lips are gates of doom
I know why Edgar Allan Poe died heartbroke on the street. I know your secrets. Dig into the crust and search its layers, love is still found.
Cut the red forest down. Run us into Andromeda. My love won’t go extinct.
There may not be a grave for you to visit when I die. Or a blog. People die and vanish from history. Am I fading from existence with your every breath? Where does the light go inside you?Have you already forgotten me? Tell me how easy? Click click erase?
Thanks for checking out my blog and for supporting Indie artist!
I know you come to me From windswept dunes Hollow and calloused from time You keep crawling And I a mirage you are hauling Like dying dreams painted golden filigree Am I unholy? The way you hold me Like butterfly wings You’re now unfolding Reflections cast like starlight You keep me glowing
Do y’all get tired of my similes? The comparisons? Because Gwen Stefani uses the word “like” in every other word just talkin’ and I’m actually trying to use mine in a creative way. I’m just wondering how many people out there are actually annoyed at my creativity? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for top 50 on OF!! I am happy to be there and to have your support!
Not all the messages in my inbox say “fuck you”. Some DM’s are pretty good too.
Thought I’d take a break from the negativity and reflect on that.
I got some fans out there. They’re not all enemies.
Not everybody wants me to die.
FYI.
Got news about how my dad died today. My dad wasn’t in the best health but the COD was natural/ atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease (so likely heart attack or stroke).
We are still dealing with legal matters, I’m mourning (he died last month in December).
I’m hoping I can get a workout in today and tomorrow and Sunday so I don’t feel like I’ve lost an entire fucking week but like it’s been a rough one.
I hate being depressed and I don’t get people who are depressed who actually have energy, I think those people are just discontent or bored with their life. That isn’t depression. If you can run a marathon, you aren’t depressed honey. Fatigue is the number one symptom. Welp. And crying. And thoughts of dying. The thought of checking the mail is like climbing Mount Everest.
I’m not lazy, I’m depressed. Where is my 6 foot hole so I can crawl into it. But could you put a heating pad down there cuz the Earth is kind of cold? And some Pink Floyd tunes?
I haven’t actually been listening to a lot of music. Or playing my guitar. But I stare at my guitar daily and I won’t put it in its guitar case because I’m hoping that I’ll play it if it’s out and I’ll even try to convince myself that I want to play my guitar but like the energy just isn’t there and there’s no joy or desire for anything.
Tacos. I desire tacos.
And a foot slave. So, I’m going to be bringing some foot fetish stuff to my onlyfans as well as some nude digiart because I love making digiart but have never actually done nude digi art of myself so I got some new OF goals. I am still planning that big vampire cosplay shoot for my OF too.
Can’t rush the art but time is of the essence…
I’m really excited about making some kinky Foot videos.
I have the cutest little feet and now they have a purpose!
I also have a shoe fetish! I love buying shoes but I prefer being barefoot it’s a conundrum I know but now my shoes have a fucking purpose too especially in this quarantine where I can’t do anything with them!!
I’m not really interested in making like Tik Tok videos of me changing my outfits.
And I tried to go live on Twitch via my computer and the audio is all kinds of messed up and I don’t know why.
So, I’ll be attempting to do an Instagram livestream where I read some of my top poetry from my website.
I haven’t started hooping yet either and I’m kind of bummed about that.
I’ll try to keep making baby steps towards everything I want to do because I’ve been mourning pretty bad behind-the-scenes.
But I’m feeling so overwhelmed like I need to take two or three days to just not do anything at all.
I’m dealing with a lot of chemical imbalances in my body.
Hormones.
I’m moody. Edgy.
Is it normal to be this edgy after losing a parent? Me and my dad were pretty close but we also had a pretty rocky relationship.
It hadn’t really been rocky though, I mean since I was a kid honestly.
I just saw him not even 2 years ago for my birthday. But somewhere in between that time and him dying I got mad at him and pushed him away like I’ve done everybody else.
I had actually been contemplating emailing him for his birthday but he died just a few days before his birthday so I didn’t get a chance to make it right.
I still believe that 6 minute rare rainbow event was my dad saying goodbye. He was one hell of a B3 organ player, played guitar, sang. Gigging was his life. I got to see his final gig. His “great gig in the sky”. He loved Pink Floyd near as much as me. And I could play Pink Floyd as much as I wanted around my dad which is cool because parents and kids usually don’t listen to the same music so.
Sorry to put all this on you, I usually put it on my therapist.
Or, to the next person who wants to step on my precious fucking feet.
Welp. I am small but mighty. Like Napoleon (although I think I’m taller than he was). That’s a weird fact to remember about someone, so I had to go Google it just to see and it says he was 5’6″, which means we were actually the exact height. But, I am taller in boots and heels, to be fair.
Awe shit, and he’s a leo! No wonder I like him lol. Was he banned from France? What did he do? I can’t remember off hand!!
Has anyone ever been banned from your country? Or here in America? I don’t recall. It might be a blessing to get banned now. KIDDING. JOKES.
Isn’t New Zealand covid free or something? How do you get banned from a country? What country takes you in? What in the actual fuck. Could you imagine being banned from the planet? You’re no longer allowed on Earth, you’re going to Mars. Well fuck, when are we leaving?
Speaking of Mars, got my NASA boarding pass for the upcoming Mars landing!
My official boarding pass for the upcoming rover landing to Mars. It’s also nice that we’re starting to have more successes landing on Mars than we are failures. Which might account for the planned manned missions. Woit. Gotta stay alive for this. Right? This is the kind of roses that makes me really excited. Lifeeeee universe nerdy things 😍
Y’all know, I actually DID apply to live on Mars with Mars One in 2013 and there were over 200,000 people who applied and not only did I get a call back but I made it all the way into round 2 I made it through all of my medical examinations until I dropped out for personal reasons. But, Mars y’all. Mars. It’s a love of mine. And I did lots of interviews when I was in the running! I was actually a candidate to live on Mars. I had folks laughing til they saw me on the news and in the paper and then my command sergeant major said his son was interested in going too! But in uniform at the Golden Corral when he first learned about the Mars thing, he kept looking at me from across the table saying “you’re going to die Ross, you’re going to die, they don’t have food on Mars”. He knows how much I love food and let’s be honest he didn’t want to lose one of his best soldiers. But after his son learned about it, and they saw me on the news, he was quite proud of me. 😊 He even brought a little clip from a newspaper he found of me mentioned. I’m sure it’s buried around here somewhere with all my awards and medals that would take up probably an entire wall or more.
And feel free to stalk my old Facebook Mars One Candidate page, it’ll have all sorts of links and videos. Hope shit still works. I’m ancient. LOL https://m.facebook.com/deliatomars/
I deployed to Kuwait and Iraq (not Afghanistan) but it was a pretty fun interview!! Just wish I hadn’t invited my evil ex along but at least they spelled his name wrong *evil laugh* https://youtu.be/yupJHGGuMU0
And it’s not true about stuff being on the internet forever because I lost stuff. Important stuffs. That I believed would be around forever…
Do you know how light travels at light-speeds? That’s how fast I travel to your galaxy. Whatever your wants, whatever your needs. My heart will see that it proceeds.
I took to you like cotton With heart-shaped leaves growing in the sunlight Softly floating over your daydreams Passing you by in a warm summer breeze
I gave you hope like fiber spun Kept the moon aglow Even after all you’ve done I let the love still flow
I took to you like electrostatic Blue lightning in my wing Racing across your ever clear eyes The way mountains pierce the top of skies (to see what you have seen)
I gave you melancholy shaped pillows In everfields growing green Vivid color for your rainbow To keep you feeling lean Kept your secrets in stow
Look at how it parts The Red Sea Still you ask if we love thee Look at how the Earth is splitting We have taken a knee Look at how the clouds hover me Galaxies glowing from envy
Below contains maybe trigger warnings so read at your own discretion. I have the ability to offend. One of my superpowers!
Sidenote: my dad died last month, and while I may seem actively posting, I’m kinda falling apart behind-the-scenes. I’m not taking too keenly the demands of my time, I’m still pushing people away, suicidal, and out of fucks to give. It’s just an FYI. I’ve no mind to socialize. I’m an introvert. I dig my privacy. I’ve always been an elusive creature. And picky with how I share my time. The narcissist is abundant and will drain me dry. It’s nothing personal, just how I be. You’ll notice how I don’t have a contact page. And now I don’t like leaving comments on other bloggers stuff because my email gets disclosed and I start receiving unwanted emails. This just recently happened where another blogger was acting super obsessive of me and my time and emailing me nearly on the daily (and was going on and on about how into me he was- but he doesn’t support any of my campaigns). I had to set him straight. I guess I should feel bad for sending demons back to hell but I’m dead inside. 👍👍
You will likely hear other bloggers call me a “bitch” for being indifferent to their narcissistic tools of manipulation…. M’kay keep moving. I know my worth.
I am a Vampiress. Queen of the Undead. And I bite.
*muwahahahahaha*
And y’all thought I was joking when I told you the devil has me on speed dial for advice. Tsk tsk.
In other news, I have packages in delivery, but due to covid, may not arrive til next year. Welp. I’m being sarcastic. They should have already arrived but they’re kind of in limbo. I’ve been planning a vampire cosplay shoot. Like, we may get to Mars before that happens. Again, sarcasm. But it’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like I’m planning to do and I’ve planned to do it during a fucking pandemic. Not the best timing I admit. But 2021 already feels like deja vu. Or just 2020 2.0.
I feel like I’ve been here before even though I haven’t. I feel aloof. Have I really died? Heaven feels kind of empty.
Is there like a hug from Gavin Rossdale at the end of the tunnel/light? I need hugs. Welp.
Not in love with the guy, just been obsessed with him since the 90s, my second crush, no big deal. It’s just when he sees me at his shows he showers me with all sorts of love and sometimes his guitar pick or sweat. I act all sorts of stewpids around him. Cursed him accidentally in Miami once but the next day I got a tweet by him that it was great to see me. Got all kinds of mems with my king but man I didn’t get to go to one show in 2020 which means I didn’t get one fucking hug from my king. Welp.
There aren’t many bands in the alternative scene that are still putting out music that I like or many of them have already died but Bush remain a huge inspiration for me musically. Dig his films too. Gavin Rossdale’s role in “Constantine” with Keanu Reeves was fucking amazing. Gav has done lots of film stuff but he’s not fond of the long hours, itchy makeups, TV, or being away from his fams. KING.
I miss gigging so much. Gah. I’ve seen Bush in several different states and cities now. But it’s to the point I’m ready to save up some money to see them in the UK. Only the pandemic as a barricade. Welp.
Gav giving me his Superman poses! Uhm, his abs are rock hards. Couldn’t stop the feels. 😍Birthday gig August 2019. Seems another life ago!! 😭😍😭
The Bush Army hate me but the leader likes me coming to his shows. 😍
If I ever get the chance to meet him again I hope I can act normal. I literally start screaming when he comes near me okay I fucking scream. Like a little girl. How fucking cute. But then I start dropping shit or I’ll cuss him out or I’ll forget like basic introductions. Welp. My brain just dumps loads of chemicals when I’m around him and I go fucking haywire. It’s ridic.
I do have loads of band photography from a lot of bands that I’ve seen because photography is a passion of mine and maybe one day I’ll start sharing that here on my blog.
When I love a band I love a band obsessively and wholly. Pink Floyd has been my number uno since the age of 8. I’d piss myself if I ever met David Gilmour. Maybe keel over and die of happiness too. Welp.
This poem IS NOT about my king. I do not long for him in such ways. I couldn’t sleep and it’s now almost 2 a.m. and I needed someone to talk to. Kinda. The quiet hours are my favorite time to write. Or just be. You also have to be extremely careful of serial killers and rapists but you know. I have 15 years of army training as a reminder. I am a trained killer. But also, I don’t really think killers like killing suicidal people cuz we just be like “yeah come on give it to me, where yah been my whole life” 😍…
So what’s the pandemic like at your neck of the woods? I’m going stir crazy if yah can’t tell. And Florida feels like 1 degree. I can’t even step outside it feels like Antarctica. I need my cold weather gear to take my dog for a piss. I can’t deals.
I always find it so strange that the absence of light means coldness. Death. I don’t want anybody touching my cold fucking leather after I die. I’m starting to have these weird fucking ideas about my body when I die.
It’s weird seeking death and immortality at the same time but I’m a strange one.
Ideally, I would like to donate my entire body to an organization that would like to freeze me and bring me back via clone or some sort of digital format. I don’t really want to donate my body to science so some students can cut me up and squirt my blood all over each other laughing, no thanks.
Or that asshole in the morgue who doesn’t know how to handle my hair.
Yes, I worry about my body after death. Why? I know not.
Necrophiliac’s? Eek. I have trouble fucking things that ARE alive.
Sometimes the dead are more alive tho. And better company.
I delivered my heart to you On sunbeams traveling under moonlight Perched like stars in the night My soul broody from day I called to you in raging storms and hurricanes I left clawmarks all along your names Softly with the flutter of a firefly Flickering in your dreams I came like a herd and with thunder Tiny feet to pull you under I crawled through windswept deserts Sleeping under doom I risked all to bring holiness to you Like a lone desert flower filled with hope And all the comfort you can evoke I came with tidal waves Gushing from love A tsunami rushing for your word The way heaven is mimicked with your verb And galaxies crumbling under your voice As if we had any choice
Really sorry about the previous post deletion. Twice I’ve inadvertently published something simply by opening up the WP app. Had a proper meltdown too.
Anyhoo, this was freshly written before the meltdown. Freestyle ‘after midnight’ poetry.
exposed to you in naked lines I draw from worlds I’ve not made real save for the cosmos of my rhymes a universe of verse revealed read each word on tender lips that they find life beyond this mind the ink-stains on my fingertips made flesh and blood for you to find let each sound […]
Have you ever fed on hope The way you spoon it to me in soft crescent words I’ve seen your shadow dancing in twilight I wake for your golden hour Any hour Melting into sunrises You lower heaven on my shoulder So I can skip through its halls and miss prayer Watch how my hope crosses dimensions to find you resting at my feet We are nesting on a great divide Where dreams are real life Hearts a multiverse Parts of my soul where you left claw marks Sacred holy landmarks I pray to you
First off, if you haven’t seen the film High Life, you should. I had a love-hate relationship with it when I watched it a few months ago, but it was one of those movies I had to watch again and again. And the end credit song sung by actor Robert Pattinson is sublime. I think it’s safe for you to at least listen to the song if you haven’t seen the film (or ever want to).
That movie is so bizarre I really don’t think the song will give anything away. Since the lyrics were freestyle, I wrote my poem freestyle as well. Can’t escape the rhyme tho. Welp.
When writing my version, I tried to keep with the same theme of the film for the most part. I’m big into sci-fi. 👍
You can watch/listen to the original theatrical song sung by Pattinson here.
So, my prompt was the film and music. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like this before (prompts). But I’ve wanted to. So alas, my version… 👇
Willow, where are you rushing now? Willow, where are you rushing now?
Over broken glass, through the blasphemy, Do you follow it downstream? What’s reality?
Willow, do you feel no pain? Willow, are you still hiding shame?
In the hollow light, past infinity, do you think of me?
Willow, are you stretching my dream? Willow, am I what I seem?
When I’ve lost defense, and there’s hopelessness, is there nothing real? Are we moving still? Is there destiny?
Willow, how can you stand the night? Willow, can you feel what’s right?
Completely inspired by the song “Willow” from the film ‘High Life’.
Photo by @poeeternal (I went to the beach yesterday, gonna be dropping some beautiful photography on my Patreon campaign – photography my patrons can use for their own blogs and projects). Grateful for my patrons!
Please sail me out to eternity on your word You said no one would listen but I heard Death may be approaching but soul stirred I’d give it all for just a third Please let me feel where life occurred
Death and dying brings out so many emotions. When facing mortality, those big questions on the purpose of life come about, and often the non-religious will find comfort in religion. A lot of atheist will find God in the end and this actually happened to one of my favorite bands, Peter Steele, who found God in his end. You can watch videos of him talking about it on YouTube and read about it in articles. I still have a hard time listening to Type O Negative since Peter Steele died and they’ve been one of my favorite bands since I was 16. He was only 48 when he died. I’m 42. Welp. This is my last decade. I will not make it to 50. At this point surviving 2020 will be a fucking miracle.
I still don’t know if I said what I was trying to say because I was busy crying and blowing my nose.
I was trying to say that you saved my life and gave it meaning, when all the world had shunned me away on my darkest days.
I was trying to say something like, ‘you were there for me in my end, so I’ll be there for you in yours’ (whether by faded memory, poetry, or physical form).
Slept in me makeups and then washed it all off with me tears.
When you think that your life doesn’t matter, remember that you made mine matter. You gave me sight and purpose. You opened my soul. You saved one of God’s precious angels.
I can’t write like the greats but we are definitely a modern day Romeo and Juliet. 😭😭😭
Wait… Except, nothing you write is for me so just forget everything I just said… brain injury > fantasy head
You make me write the most ridiculous, mushy poetry though. It’s all relative (see what I just did). You matter.
I forever heart you.
If this damn disease doesn’t kill me something will. I just wish I could be hearing your stories in my end, or at the very least, your heartbeat (with my head on your chest as I take my final breath). Not asking for much, am I? 😫😭😭😭
If this is your first time coming to my blog, I’m pretty certain I have better pictures and videos of me than of me crying. But whatev.
My writing career is going to go one of two ways, either I’m going to keep doing it or I’m going to pack it all in. If you’d like to support me, you know where and how. I’m still past due on bills and need to eat but whatever.
This is where our world’s collide You the sun and I the tide This is why we fail goodbye You the earth and I its bride This is why fate complied I took root in your sky This is how heaven sighed
Does he know the keys of the kingdom is within her? Every hour the sun is growing dimmer. Pouring every atom from his chest, love is thinner. Burning any chance of hope, death’s a winner.
Does she hold light like a moon because there’s a glimmer? Does love keep her on her knees praying for he’s a sinner? The blood that’s leaking from his chalice it spells a killer. If lying were monumental he takes the pillar.
Err, I probably should wait 24 hours in-between posting, but like I’ve got so much to say and so little time. I’ve got to lay it all on the line. Cut my tongue out, I’d still write you rhyme.
It’s finally cold enough in Florida for winter hats. (I’ll make any excuse to wear a hat, sometimes 3 at a time. I iz weirdo).
You’ve got a scowl that drains the mood out of a moon Still the stars will wander, hoping to see you soon You’ve got a hundred million ways, to make the clouds swoon You exhale and turn continents into doom
Still blown away. I’m into nature. There are people who care not one bit for the moon or any natural wonder. Let alone a rainbow.
Me on the other hand. I turn into a little girl. That’s because I never grew up. Not gonna.
I still think it was my dad telling me goodbye. I just didn’t know he had passed until an hour later (if).
LIFELINES.
(Better than becoming fish bait. I gotta get back to writing. Yelled at the mom and therapist).
Really itching to pick up my guitar tho.
The CDC says the pandemic is getting worse.
My depression is getting worse.
And asteroid Apophis is on like 2 or 3 return trips back to us.
Uhm, we’re 2000 lightyears closer to the center of a blackhole.
Politics give me hellof anxiety.
Somethings wrong with the world, am I the only one to feel it?
I gotta quit reading the news.
Paranoia.
Uhm, my hairs is getting ridiculously long. Down or up it’s in the way. 😏Fine silks homegrown from my skull. I can’t wait to start updating my wardrobe. Get photos n vids. More tattoos n piercings. Make cool cosplay. Wanna sell my computer and get a laptop. A better phone n camera. New editing software. Updates. 2021 = year of transformation. Not sure how to pull off the tattoos and piercings if the economy is still closed but everything else is doable. I’m desperate for my makeover from Soldier and businesswoman to me. My Jeep needs a little TLC too. Gonna share it all. Thanks for seeing me while I’m alive. And supporting me while I’m alive. That gives me feel good vibes. =)
Trying not to die from depression or be dead for days before anyone knows. I still don’t know about my dad so I’m treading the earth lightly. I’m here but I’m not. Dig? 😭😭😭
Thanks for checking out my blog and supporting indie artists! I’m on the Patreon and OnlyFans. I appreciate the support. Starving artist and all (so was Edgar Allan Poe, yo). 👀
*edit* RIP daddy. This event was you telling me goodbye. Now I know!
Huh. Weird orange hue. Why is the sky orange. Sure, the Sun is rising but…
So, I had a peek out my blinds. Still didn’t explain the orange hue. Dog must wait. Safety first.
Slipped on my flip flops with phone in hand (it’s almost ritualistic- the phone checking upon waking). Went outside.
Still did not understand what was causing the sky to be completely orange. Did we get nuked? Is there a sandstorm coming? This isn’t a sunrise. This looks kinda terrifying.
Then a huge rainbow formed before my eyes. From one end of the sky to the other. A prism of color. And then behind it, another!!!
And it almost seemed like it was inside this big bubble. The bubble verse theory I was studying.
And I’ve been reading a lot about the Multiverse Bubble theories lately and am coming to this conclusion that I’m starting to believe in it more than that ridiculous Big Bang theory.
But I do. And I’ve been trying to make sense of my world and what it all means, if it’s all going to end anyway. I am the universe experiencing itself. We all are. And so I’ve been thinking a lot about energy and how it can’t be created or destroyed.
I think about the interconnectivity. How we’re all one.
Anyway, I think the double rainbow was a sign.
And, I’d never seen a rainbow so vividly last so long.
Seconds generally.
Well, I ran out of room on my device filming this double rainbow for over 6 minutes.
I dropped the video of the double rainbow on my Instagram IGTV.
The double rainbow reminds me to keep going. That in life, the things you love may be out of reach. But that doesn’t mean that the love wasn’t felt or received. Sometimes, optical illusions are real. And even if by worlds separated, love travels at light-speeds.
I sat and watched that weird ass bubble in the sky, along with those double rainbows that arched high across the sky, until it faded and I could see it no more.
Bye daddy. Hope you had a great final gig in the sky! 😭😭😭
PoeEternal 