Welp. I just got the warning about account deletion from Instagram. I basically said, “I made Santa’s naughty list, visit my OF to find out how”.
Many of us are having to spend Christmas alone and away from our friends and families due to the quarantines that are placed and I’m just trying to make Christmas a little less lonesome and gloomy for everyone including myself (who just lost my dad).
So going forward anything I post on Instagram will be speechless that is IF big bro doesn’t delete me from my audience like he just threatened to do!!!
I literally just had my shower and wanted to cheer up my admirers. For God sake I haven’t even had a chance to put my makeup on yet and I’ve already got a fucking warning from Instagram that they’re going to delete my account including all my messages and my followers!!! Please stop me from having a meltdown right now. 😵😵😵
Petite bums need love too More Christmas content coming to my onlyfans if I can calm down from big bro giving me an anxiety attackI was literally just trying to get a quick bum shot to promote my OF. It wasn’t my bum that got me in trouble, it was my fucking mouth. And this has been an issue since kindergarten okay. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in my tiny ass but I’m going to be putting more shots of it on my OF. It was just a behind-the-scenes photo encouraging people to join.
But Instagram has now threatened me that my account may be permanently deleted.
I think businesses need to start boycotting Facebook and Instagram to protect the little guy like me.
I mean I couldn’t even say, “hey I made Santa’s naughty list, find out how”.
Welp. Y’all remember when witches were being burned at the stake?
I feel violated. Do you know how long and how many years I’ve been working on my Instagram?
And just like that, they will take it from me.
So when I calm down from all this I’ll get back to getting dressed and putting my makeup on and doing the photoshoot like I wanted to do.
Fucking hell
WELP THE PRESS WON’T PUBLISH MY WORDS. I GONNA DIES IN THE STREET LIKE POE.
But, you don’t have to let that happen.
I’m running crazy good deals on my OnlyFans where I’m allowed to speak (kinda, you can’t say child or other terms I’m learning).
Only in America do they make nudity and sex a crime yet you can’t even watch a Hollywood film without there being some sex scene 5 minutes in. Nudity is consistently thrown in your face here but made illegal.
Thank you for your subs and follows and love, and especially all the nice things you’re telling me about my body and even the request you’re putting in (because I’ve now got some foot porn coming soon). 😍
And I have cute little Cinderella feet.
I’m also starting a new workout routine soon and I was going to share my progress on Instagram but I’ve received an eviction notice basically.
So if a musician is like “hey go check out my new track on my onlyfans” are they going to get their fucking account deleted too???? Because onlyfans is not just for nudes. That’s just one platform that sex workers can work safely.
I’m over 2020.
So if one day you can’t find me on Instagram, it’s probably because I’ve been banned.
Hi. Some have asked about my activity (or lack thereof). My dad died. I still don’t know the cause of death and there’s legal matters still to attend.
Today is his birthday and I want to celebrate life.
A smile is all I can do.
When I surface for air, and see my blog readers, my followers, my patrons and my subs, it invites me to keep going. But, I gotta deep dive a bit longer. And I appreciate the life support I do.
If you could keep your fingertips on me a bit longer, I fancy the stars and the moon (also helps keep me from drowning).
I paused my Patreon campaign for the month of December, my patrons will not be charged.
I’m posting some photos and videos on my OnlyFans but I have not been in a mood to write.
Thank you for your understanding while I take some time for myself to reflect on the meaning of life.
But also while I deal with life. I am facing things in life I never considered or prepared for.
Like my dads last words to me via his will and testament.
I am still awaiting the arrival of that plus news of his autopsy report. 😭
I just need time to not do anything. And not doing anything still consists of having to take care of my pets and bathe and eat and it’s about all I can muster right now.
My last conversation with my dad was an angry one and I didn’t even give him an opportunity to respond.
I have that cross to bear as well.
I’m going through some shit right now.
The only thing I need right now is time.
Time to cry.
Time to breathe.
Time to grieve.
Time to be.
But, some people use this time to kick me while I’m down. I see you. I read your slights.
I see everything which is generally why I like to be alone.
I’ll get back to writing and creating artsy videos and vampire cosplay soon, it’s what I do. I’m a content creating machine.
2021 is a year of transformation for me, that’s the good ole’ plan anyway. More tattoos, more piercings, more newds. Getting a new wardrobe too.
I’m gonna be hella active, I hope you stick around. I got big plans for my Patreon and my OF.
My blog is my lifeline. Not gonna quit writing anytime soon. Sometimes just need to bury my head in the sand.
Which is a better option than drowning myself in the ocean because we get a thousand pound Great White visitor from Australia that visits us here. I’m sure I’d be a tasty treat.
I don’t get in the ocean because there are fish in there with teeth bigger than me. 👀
I’m petite. 👀
(But also vampire daylight sun gross)
If you need more of me though, there’s currently over 280 photos, 75 videos, and lots of love on my OnlyFans! 💋
I’m coming up with more ways to reward you for your love. Give love, get love. And I’m behind on writing (per my own standards) but life happens and currently life.
I still have bills to pay and food to eat so your support is helping another human exist. It all goes back into the art. It nurtures my soul. I miss you too.
You can come lie in the dark with me if you want. But the gravity will make you cry.
An ocean of longing and salt linesTears are translucentStill need you tho I waded out too far
I love u. What’s a girl to do? Been crying for the one since I was like ten. Cuz life is shite. But it’s like we’re world’s apart. 💔
I’m in the deep end and I’m caught in the tide!!! 😰Trying to learn how to live and breathe without you. Not doing a very good job 😭An ocean of sadness. The end is all inside us.
I freestyle write my poetry 90% of the time and always tweak stuff during the WP posting process. Actually, my voice will change based on my writing tools, which is one reason I want to get offline and get on a typewriter again. Starting to pick up pencil again too. And pen. Hope to move back into calligraphy. I have all my tools, just no energy or drive (depression). Hard to brush my teeth on most days and not dive off the bridge here that I’ve been contemplating doing since I arrived here and recently an 18 year old kid jumped off it last year. Right off the overpass onto the interstate I was driving on. A constant reminder the world is shit. I feel that. He made his point known. I knows. I feel worthless too. Hence poem + depression. Le sigh. I really could use a gig this year. The uni trying. Bush = happiness (and Gav really likes me coming to his shows and I really like going to his shows even tho I act an ass of myself and curse him sometimes- yep he still likes me coming tho I make an absolute ass of myself) KING 👍I worship Bush (have since the early 90s). Look how Gavin Rossdale spelled my name, the first time we met (in 2016). With a little anarchy sign on the A followed by a little heart. UHM, I GET HEARTS BY GAVIN ROSSDALE. Sometimes I get wisdom and xoxo in DMs by him. Sometimes I tweet him that I see him on stage at a gig, he’ll respond via his microphone “I see you too” and jump off stage after soundcheck to come say hi and get photos. I need to do an entire blog post on my obsession cuz I got videos and photos on all this. Layer my tomb with all my Bush heirlooms. Like that time he jumped off stage just to give me a sweaty hug and the guitar pick he was playing with. *le sigh* Last year on my birthday he serenaded me while dancing above me for like a solid minute and I nearly passed out, dizzies, FYI.
I’m just not responsible for how I act when I’m physically around him and in fangirl mode because I have zero control over my hormones. Welp. Since the age of 12. WHATEV. SECOND CRUSH. NO BIG DEAL.
Gavin giving me his superman poses at the VIP meet-and-greet last year for my birthday! I need these framed in my home studio! 😍
I do sometimes curse him but last year on air he said I tell him the most beautiful things, which is also true. 😊
Gavin giving me his superman poses at the VIP meet-and-greet last year on my birthday! I didn’t know what was going on because I felt him pull away and I thought he didn’t want me hanging all over him in the photos so I lifted my head off his chest but kept my hands on his hard ass abs and kept smiling not knowing that he was doing Superman poses for me cuz he was super happy I was at a show!!! So several weeks later when the photos arrived (and doing VIP was a birthday present to myself because nobody did anything for me for turning the big 4-0), it was like opening the best present 🎁 the uni could give me. Nine times out of 10 when I meet Gavin Rossdale and get photos they are blurry. These were not. 😍
People think I’m in love with Gavin but I’m not, it’s just a silly crush I’ve had since I was age 12 and I’m insanely addicted to the music, it’s a music fan / artist relationship thing. He inspires me in different ways. He teaches me life lessons. Like how to stay alive when you don’t have the love of your life (he lost his big love- Gwen Stefani- they have 3 kids together. He has not replaced her).
Gavin Rossdale comes from that alternative scene where all his comrades are dying by suicide, which are basically his friends and I thought that we might lose him too when he lost Gwen Stefani (divorceeeee via humiliation, retaliation, he got to hear “used to love you” while walking in an airport. She didn’t take long to move on either, did she). Two thumbs down.👎👎
But he hung onto his fans and he says that he needs us more than ever now. I know what he means. He promised me on air that he would never hurt himself. But I need him too. I’m an outcast. He knows that. He knows what that feels like. To be the lone wolf! For the most part he’s had to deal with the United Kingdom hating him. Even of today, they will refer to him as “who is he” (as if he is no one) or use him as a slight against Gwen Stefani, when it was her band opening up for Bush and not the other way around (he made her known, not vice versa).
Gav has seen me at my worse. He still jumps off the stage to give me hugs when he sees my face. It gives me the happy feels. To be seen. To feel I have an ounce of worth. To feel appreciated. Because to the rest of the world, I am invisible and just a number (including to the love of my life, who could care less of my existence. He’d replace me in an instance). But there’s nothing like the feel of when Gavin sets his sights on me, and is walking towards me, and I know he’s headed my way, it’s so intense, his expression. That feeling of, “he see’s me, he’s headed my way”, “I’m not lost in the crowd” and Gavin is the type of guy who never looks away from me, yet I always break eye contact!!!
Got hugs by my king at the stroke of midnight last year, which was my birthday. Thank you universe.
Or like when he’s talking to his other fans, he’ll literally keep looking back at me and I always run away from him. I act stupid guaranteed. But like, I’m a soldier and he’s a king. He’s why I do these things. Basic. I need the music. Always have. Not just his music or art. All the things. Music keeps me going. Grounded. Alive. Couldn’t have survived the Iraqi war without it. Labor. Heartbreak. Loneliness. Poordom. Life.
Music is life. I need another gig. This century. THIS YEAR. COME ON 2020!!!
Me today because 2020 blows and I’ve had zero hugs from my king this year. Meh. Seeking a friend for the end of the world… When life gives you lemons, tie pretty boes. Me today during the covid zombie apocalypse- and the CDC says covid-19 is coming back with a vengeance. Seeking a friend for the end… Love during a zombie plague *laughs insanely, ties a pretty bow*
Thank you for checking out my blog and for supporting indie artists!
Don’t forget to follow my advertisement free blog! Zero spam ever in your inbox by me!!!! Hit the sign-up!!! Don’t miss a thing! Hit the like button if I inspire you!! I work hard at this!!
If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon.
If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation. Thank you.
I’m now on Twitch! I’m going live again soon! I promise! Hit my channel at: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal
His support he gave but not without conditions The money he waved it had omissions Like stating you are single when you are really married Like saying you are free with a green card that you carried
His hand was there but always tied with the devil And every moment there my soul could barely revel Yet obey that I would while he grasped onto my cross And for awhile he was helping but made it harder than I thought
Welp. How many more will knock on my door, just for me to close it????? I do get lots of hypothetical knocks on my door but it’s usually the devil knocking.
Or, I’m so completely broken and paranoid that I’m actually seeing people like demons now. Here a demon, there a demon, there are many more!
And I would make the church my home but I literally see the preachers as demons now too! It could be all the money they keep grasping for. I just want to jump up and yell “STOP TAXING THE POOR!” but state was removed from religion. Religion is its own entity governed by a different set of rules. That’s why the church’s didn’t have to follow any of the mandatory mask-wearing (or was that just Florida cuz nobody was social distancing either)? But yeah, churches don’t pay taxes, y’all know that right??? They pay zero taxes!!!! Now how many of these priests do you think are actually religious or “godly”- (because it often comes out that they’re cheating or pedophiles).
All they care about is money. It’s all show. Complete fams involved now. They all asking for your money!! So they can build more, bigger things!!!! Tax free!!!!! Give them your money!!!! Hurry!!!! Not just every Sunday but Wednesday too!!! Go ahead and text them a donation right now!!!! God is blessing you!!!! You are the chosen one!!! Repent sinners!!! Pay!!!!!! (I can’t believe people still believe in these fairy tales but I’m absolutely a believer in Jesus Christ, I know he existed, his message has been smeared by the narcissist running the world (NWO / Illuminati) and I am religious so don’t even come at me).
“You people who only believe with your miracles and wonders but what of those who believe without?” (something Jesus Christ said but you probably won’t remember because you need the miracles and wonders to believe). I don’t. I won’t. Never have. Never will. My road has been different than yours. I don’t need to idolize statues!!! But give them your money so they can build them big and grand for God!!
Jesus said, “pick up a rock and I am there”. “Any two people having a conversation in my name is having church”.
I’m talking, you’re listening = church holy holy
I started out 2020 going to church heavily until that one day they started speaking in tongue and touching me all over my body and that shit is on Instagram. I’m like, ‘maybe I could establish a connection with God speaking in tongue if people would stop touching my back and head’. So as a paranoid Soldier, yeah I don’t like doing church anymore. It was literally the one place I felt safe to cry in public and that was taken from me. 2020 is an asshole.
I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY TO GIVE YOU! STOP ASKING FOR IT WHEN I COME!!! GOD DOESN’T NEED MONEY OR STATUES!!! YOU NEED GRAND GESTURES SO YOU CAN PRETEND YOU ARE A DECENT HUMAN BEING TWICE A WEEK BY GIVING MONEY TO HELP THE POOR AND YOU HELP THE POOR BY BUILDING MORE CHURCHES FOR THE WEALTHY!!!!!! GOD IS GREAT!!!
Playing the angel 24/7. That tattoo on my chest means “faithfulness”. Faith is also my middle name. It’s more than a creed. A lifestyle. Angels are warriors and my friends, I am every bit a Soldier. =)
And then there’s that last relationship that I got into where the guy was proposing to me and posting his vows for me all over his social media to his fanbase yet no one told me he was fucking married (but that didn’t stop the love-bombing) and he would want me to go get my ring size but then later on he would literally yell at me for hours if I brought up anything about us actually getting married or engaged- because that’s what narcissists and lying assholes do. He couldn’t get married, he was still married, he never told me this when we got together or started a relationship, in fact, he told me he was single the entire time (but was in fact married and in another long-term relationship with another broken soul that he was looking to replace after all the fuel was spent). I became the next victim unfortunately.
They gaslight your reality. They systemically break you down. Like chess pieces. They love-bomb you (even in friendships or famalies) and then they’re cold to you when you’re not giving them the treatment that they think they want or deserve (even though their behavior is toxic as fuck). Yeah, let’s hang! From hot to cold! Yeeeee!!!! But then when I need them to be like empathetic about a situation, I’d have better luck not breathing. Either way, they always have a way to make you feel responsible for something you haven’t done.
You when you’re filling out paperwork and you have to check either the ‘single, married, or divorced box’- the single box now has “never married” (inparentheses) because these narcissist gaslight everything they do, literally.
The married ones will want to check the single box because they feel like they’re no longer in the marriage, (it’s just a piece of paper, they don’t care about the life that they are using or destroyed, they are already looking for a replacement and they’re not even divorced yet, or still married for that green card and that is loads of married baggage), and the divorced ones will want to check the single box even though they’re now divorced (because images; a narcissist wants to maintain his charming exterior).
But the single box is for people who never married, like me! I used to hate that dang single box but now that they added the “never-married” part to it, I really fucking enjoy it! I pride myself on being single and actually meaning the word! HONESTY! A RARE THING!!
Because you rarely hear people being honest these days about what their relationship status really is. You’ll learn later on, when they drop pertinent information in a very casual way. Like when they say something really shitty to you, followed by “it was just a joke” (like when you ask how you look and they respond “pregnant” as if being pregnant is un-beautiful- but it was a very low-key demeaning way to emotionally abuse you about your added weight gain). And if you ever get angry about something a narcissist does to you, they will trump your fucking anger, so much so, that you will doubt why you were even angry at all (classic narcissism gas-lighting 101, it must be exhausting being a narcissist, that’s why they’re so fucking cold and empty). Or, how you ask them a direct question, but they always tap dance around the answer you’ll never get. They put words in your mouth. You always feel aloof and confused. You’re dealing with a narC. You will never win. But you will lose your self-confidence and overall mind. Until you kill another or yourself or barely escape alive. And that’s what they want. To kill you alive. Because killing you for real dead is messier and might require jail time. It’s legal to manipulate someone and steal their finances and fucking soul. (Mine gets free rent in America unless he finally secured his green card, which he’d been looking for the perfect victim so he could still be basically a piece of shit and cheat all the time and lie). They never out grow the cumming addiction. They want it from as many online victims they can get, and in the real world). We’re sex objects no more. They have no remorse. Fake crocodile tears!!! Run!!
SINGLE (NEVER MARRIED). That’s me!!!
Basically, my cherry has not been popped (because let’s face it, losing your actual virginity is so outdated). This is the new cherry popping as I’ve just deemed it!!!
Marriage has nothing to do with luck! Catch me if you can! Be a better man? I ain’t ever getting married! And since I’m not tied down to a relationship or mortgage, I can move wherever I want, including out of America. I’m not a criminal but some sort of war hero many say and I will still maintain my VA benefits if I move country because I worked hard at my fucking career and deserve every fucking piece of mind I get! And every penny! I sacrificed MY LIFE!!! I’M BROKEN!!!! DISABLED!!!! CALL ME FUCKING LAZY AGAIN. I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!!!! And I’ll show you the butt of my rifle because the Army taught me how to use both ends!!!
And I got to wear lots of hats because I was great at wearing every hat they threw me. That’s why I have all sorts of awards, and medals, and certifications, and degrees. Recognition. It’s just a piece of paper like that marriage certificate you don’t give a fuck about. So why would I think you give a fuck about all my training or education or experience? You can’t even be factual on a government form about your fucking relationship status (let alone trying to start out friendships or potential romanceships), all based on lies (or mis-information or information withheld, which is the same as lying, it is manipulative and deceitful!
When will lying be held as a crime??? Utopian future?? It’s got to be better than this lying hell I’m trapped in!!! Honest peeps where ye at????
And these narcissist will do anything they can to maintain their secret lifestyle, so the gaslighting can go on for years in a relationship, which often does (as well as all the cheating; married guys are doing it more than you know and it’s so easy to get away with it these days with travel and internet). The divorce rate is high in America. So is rape. Porn is given to children by age 10 by fathers in fear of them turning gay!!!!! They get them hookers as a teen!! The Me Too movement is insane but real! I’ve never met one woman who hasn’t been raped or abused by a man, and often by more than one man! Guys are super connected to porn but they don’t know how to harness positive sexual energy!
Pedophilia exists and is in our homes and churches. It’s abundant and so is porn. I’m speaking out against the atrocities in the world and I no longer give a fuck if you like me.
Jesus said, “if the world hates you, remember that it hated me first”. And I know it hates me because I tell it of its atrocities.
Friendships and relationships are only hard because the foundations they are built on are started off with lies. The walls surrounding your home were built on lies. Your roof is a lie. Your life is a lie. You have no honor. No integrity. You will not die with such.
That’s not real forgiveness either, if acquired. You’re not really free or dying forgiven.
Lies are DESTRUCTIVE.
Gaslighting comes with emotional and physical abuse. Damages that often require intense therapy after, which there’s no guarantee you will ever recover from (and you likely have more than one narcissist in your life using these tools of manipulation to control you (they look like moms and dads and sisters and lovers). Stay woke.
When people learn to be honest with me I guess I’ll have more friends (and support)? Laughs maniacally.
*dies naked, drunk, unknown, poor, and possibly poisoned in the street, like my daddy Edgar Allan Poe*
I just no longer want to build any relationships to aquire support because I will lose it in one form or fashion (and I’m sure these narcissist are behind-the-scenes blaming me which is a fucking smear campaign).
Did I mention I’m depressed and suicidal???
*laughs maniacally in the street*
*dances with the devil*
*goes back to heaven home alone*
*hears knocking*
*wishes she was in a land without any devils*
*knock knock knock*
*sobs uncontrollably*
*begs for help*
*hears asteroid Apophis deep rumble and reply, “On my way”*
*sobs uncontrollably*
Did I mention I’m suicidal but also scared to die?????
*hears Apophis grumble, “too late”*
“I’m dying. I just want you all to know you’re dying too”.
This goes without saying, but if you read my poetry or support my writing in any way, I am really grateful! Thank you!
But for the love of God, please stop lying every second with every breath, I’m exhausted!!!!
Y’all evil exists. A lot of these monsters are super charming but the suicide rate continues to increase worldwide for a reason and it’s cuz y’all lying!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HONOR? YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST MAKE UP A RELIGION AND TAKE ON MULTIPLE WIVES? STOP HURTING THE FEMALE POPULATION. I’D RATHER IDENTIFY AS MALE AND LOOK LIKE A MALE THAN CONTINUE TO BE RAPED, ABUSED, EMOTIONALLY TORTURED AND ABUSED!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!
BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE! IT STARTS WITH YOU!
I’D RATHER CHECK OUT VIA SUICIDE THAN CONTINUE THIS FUCKING BIG LYING CHARADE FUCK FEST!!!!!
For the love of God there were more than two parties deserving of a chance to speak at the presidential elections but also to have gotten your votes instead.
Voting left or right, red or blue brings about absolutely zero change and the two-party outdated system needs to be abolished.
Jo Jorgensen was a better candidate than the two assholes y’all put in charge but congratulations!!!! You bought the FEAR the 1% sold you!!!
GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!
That last statement is so powerful but it will go over most civilians head… Fully awake and experiencing life. You should drop stop drowning yourself at the end of a bottle and making wrong fucking votes. Then you might not have a fucking face full of grey hairs already. FYI. Alcohol is a depressant. They also have like therapy for sex addiction and alcohol and all kinds of stuff if you have the willingness to get better which you don’t cuz cumming. You don’t know how to harness your sexual energy or to vote.
In my dreams, wide awake, his kisses cause rainbows to form For his existence helps lessen the storm And every word is shaped by his form And in these poems are how I’m born
He’s the prompt for starlight Or how eyes have sight He’s the moon at midnight And for every word I write
Our equation reads: I love you times infinity (squared). Can you put that into a formula for us?
I have cursed freckles yes all over this pale ass flawed and scarred skin. It’s just a cover for my broken soul AKA the spirit AKA energy and energy cannot ever die, it can only transfer from one thing to another according to Einstein’s general relativity or whatever theory???No filter. Ugg I have the hazel eyes so they change on their own based on my mood and what colors I’m wearing. I never wear contacts ugg fuck plastic – it literally makes women lethargic. It’s so toxic ugggg but whatever okay. Perfection still doesn’t exist. I don’t want sensory deprivation and that’s exactly what plastic, TV, and porn does. Bah. Go back to sleep.
Instagram will never use the term “shadowban” but that’s exactly what it is. So if you’ve been searching my hashtag, you’re not going to find me in the results.
GHOSTED BY BIG BRO, YO (but you were too). BAHHHH BAH SHEEPLE *I WANT OUT / LET ME OUT* (Neo heard my actual cries because The Matrix 4 IS BEING MADE)
Same goes for you. And you. And you…
We’ve all been ghosted.
I’m just giving you a heads-up that we’ve all been shadowbanned, so if you’re out there using hashtags on your social media sites, they’re not even working.
I don’t know how long the shadowban is going to go on but I imagine it’s going to go on for until after the election results come in and probably for even days after.
But like using a hashtag in a story that last 24 hours, useless.
And expecting people to find your work under your hashtag, also uselesss until the Illuminati allow us to not be fucking shadowbanned anymore.
After which hopefully hashtags show up in the search again.
Facebook and Instagram are the same entities and owned by the same company (so I don’t understand people who go, ‘I’m getting off Facebook’ but then stay or get on Instagram). *facepalm*
THEY ARE ONE AND THE SAME BASICALLY. BIG BRO OWNS INSTA TOO.
Hey Mark Zuckerberg what’s up??? I am so ready for that new virtual reality stuffs! I got you with the notifications on. But, I never got the shadowban memo. I was just writing a poem about how the love of my life has shadowbanned me and then I wondered if I had actually been shadowbanned and saw the notification in the search results that you had in fact, shadowbanned me. *le sigh* Can I catch a break???
The key information to take from all of this is, if you’re trying to search for your favorite artist via hashtags- recent stuff will not come up in the search results- as well as to know- that the flow of information is being controlled on the internet. Stay woke!
I haven’t been on Twitter in days but I imagine the same shit is happening over there too. Twitter is not owned by FaceBook/Instagram but most of these companies support the Illuminati. *ahem cough*
I’m a nice bitch so I just thought you should know because it’s a lot of work sometimes using hashtags for them to not even work properly. MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS FOR REAL. OMFG.
If you’re out there wondering why you’re getting lack of likes, or follows, or attention in general, this shadowban could be why.
You’re welcomes. Knowledge is power! Spread the words! I did goods detectives werks! xxoo @poeeternal 👍
Edit: more info about the shadowban from from the horse’s mouth
YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP. Shadowban is a term we coined for when a business or company ghosts you (prevents your comments, likes, or hashtags from showing up in results). In this case, newer post that are being hashtagged will not show up on Instagram or Facebook according to Instagram and Facebook! I have a business Instagram account so maybe my search results show different information than yours but the information I’m putting out is factual and screenshots from the horse’s mouth.
I’m not through with Halloween, after all, today IS halloween. These are just a few I took and edited on All Hallows Eve. 🙂
All photography & digiart by me (including props, costume and makeups)All photography & digiart by me (including props, costume and makeups)
But this is the two days I can legally scare the children and the parents be okay with it.
All photography & digiart by me (including props, costume, and makeups)
La la la la la la 🎃🎃🎃
You can never trust an angel.“Boo bitch craft” (-)
Everyday is Halloween when you’re a ghoul like me. 🙂
Spookies 🙂Fallen angel. You know the devil was a fallen angel too? The first in fact. 🎃Just a little gal from the south – all bark (but subject to bite). *gets back in coffin*“Let us prey”
*Sound on* No I can’t lose you. 🎃No filterResting bitch face. No filter. 😂 Do you like my mask? Think I’ll perform more spoken word in its. Pre beast mode but in purring mode tis almost Halloweenz. Gotta get my nails on. I dig this purple eye color filter thoCurrently 420 years old in vampy years 🙂
Petite. If you’ve never had a little, I said a little is alot…
My love, if you’ve ever known truth, know my tongue Love is the reason for why I’ve come Heaven is leaking from my lung
My middle name is Faith and it’s more than just a name. (But go ahead and attach digital currency to my worth).
I look on you and continents and oceans disappear Into the thin atmosphere Wishing you were here
I hope one day you find the street that leads to my arms.
He didn’t know what to tell her, He didn’t want to lie. He just knew anything was better, Than the truth he had to hide.
I read them… They just don’t draw attention Not like yours I’m alive in your world Like leopards leaping giants Our history to be explored I’m alive forevermore Your words are gems on peaceful shores Do you think they’ll ever find our matching hidden doors? Love written like puzzle pieces Rearranged and then re-written I’m smitten! Insert your phrase like a vampire I’ve been bitten! Got me itching! Crawling over the people I’m ditching!
She’s a Goddess hidden under crutch, What price would you pay to feel her touch?
All the things
I’m still a favorite under veil A full moon can shine from hell
Been writing and recording in my studio all day today.Where the magic and curses happen. 🎃“Where are you? / I am sitting on the Moon“Itching to pick my guitar. Practice session tomorrow hopefully! Werking. Recording them rhymes. Just yer average gal doing extraordinary thingsMe. Baghdad, Iraq. 2003. I did not blow up the building, our Marines did. I was a combat medic and deployed with the 212th MASH (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) for Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom – OEF/OIF. HOOAH. I’m fighting wars with my pen now instead of my M16… don’t tread on me. Although I am an efficiently trained killing machine, I was also skillfully trained to heal people. 15 years of hard training and the Army never does anything half ass. I don’t either. I’ve got a ton of awards, medals, and certifications “but these stories don’t mean anything / when you’ve got no one to tell them to”… Warning: may bite suddenly and without warning. Proceed with caution. Ich habe hunger (I am hungry). I’m not bandaging wounds today, well I am, but different kind of wounds, and with ink and paper (my pen is also lethal). But I prefer home life now over foxholes in Iraq…Writing is what I’ve always wanted to do. Between both my jobs, being a single parent, and going to college full-time, my writing and passion got buried. Life is hard for some of us. We’re not all born with a silver spoon and spineless spine. Think I might have my next reel written. 8 lines this time. 👀That one time Val Kilmer acknowledged my existence on Twitter with some love. It’s remained my pinned Tweet ever since. He has been one of my favorite actors since I was 10 years old- so for him to love my pen name is a pretty incredible compliment as a poet and writer. It’s okay to be a little jealous. I get jealous of me too. 😂 It’s just a Tweet you say. Well yeah, one that needs to be printed out and framed and hung on my wall in my studio. It’s kinda a big deal for me still. Most people promote their blog or something with a pinned Tweet. Not me, got Kilmer up. There are people that don’t even know who he is and they get to vote. *rolls eyes* 👀I’ve been really busy creating and I haven’t had much time for anything else. I’m just needing to get this stuff out before I die. My entire life has been just trying to survive and get by. This is the one chance the universe has given me. Crowds were never much for me. Spiral out, keep going…
So stick around if you wanna. I need to stop screwing around and get a schedule put together for Twitch so I can start bringing open mic night to you. Loving people with depression requires a lot of patience. That’s probably why I don’t have a lot of people that love me. But if people would stop treating me like shit, I probably wouldn’t be depressed. So goes the circle of life.
I can’t stand things in my eyes so never did contacts again. Plastic to me is like silver to werewolf. These were Angel contacts but I’ll never wear them again. I feel everything, it’s why I hate life. Might start wearing my eyeliner like that again. I’m a tomboy and like things messy, like my makeup. I’ve never once had anybody compliment my eyes, at least not the color. I normally get compliments on my fucking teeth (followed by “did you get braces” uhhh no). The only enhancements I have on me are tattoos, hair dye, and piercings. And I need more of all these things. But me no likey pain. Yep. But for who???? *sobs uncontrollably*
Holy moly!!! Yes it does feel good!! Thank you for watching! This is the first time I’ve ever gone viral so for it to reach 500 plays and then 1000 plays all in under 24 hours is phenomenal! I’m shook to see this in my notifications! 😍
Thank you all for watching!! 😍
Over 1K plays already on my new reel I just released less than 24 hours ago!!! 😍
I’m definitely inspired to get my first Tik Tok video going. So thanks a bunch! I appreciate the virtual cookies/ inspiration!
Instagram has notified me today that my poetry reel has reached 500 views and 1000 views! I released it less than 24 hours ago! 😍Shook. Thanks y’all for watching my reel! Dropping that spoken word like it’s HAWT.
It doesn’t mean I’m famous and it doesn’t mean I’m rich but can I just please enjoy going viral for the first time in my life and for doing something original and on my own. This is my passion. I’m showing you the best of me (it doesn’t mean I’m perfect, I’m just giving it my all). And believe it or not, I’m actually scared doing this stuff.
Might need to perform in my mask more often. And I want to get better at making Reels and Tik Tok’s obviously. They should offer a class where you can pay, I totally would. If I had enough Patreon support, I could start hiring a team (editor, manager, talent agent, ect)! 🙂 It’ll never happen but one can dream! It doesn’t stop me from shooting for the stars! 🙂
🙏🙏🙏
Once it reached 500 plays (some 14 hours after it was published) it only took 3 more hours for it to have another 500 plays, putting it over 1000 plays in roughly 17 hours, reaching 1K status in under 24 hours, for an original poem I wrote, which is incredible! I’ve never done anything like this before. But it’s very encouraging! Thanks for watching my reel!! 😍
Woot! Update! My new poetry reel is going viral because I got my first ever notification that my reel has had 500 plays!! It hasn’t even been out 24 hours yet y’all!!! 😍😍😍😍😍
It’s already had more plays than all my previous reels!!! ENCOURAGING. CHECKMARMATE PLEASE! 😍
*happy dance, pees self*
500 plays in its first 14 hours released 😍🙏
Apparently Instagram thinks it’s worth notifying me that my reel has had 500 plays already! 😍
Again, on hour 14 or something currently! 😍
It feels pretty damn good to write a poem and go viral all in the same fucking day okay.
I’m slowly chipping away at the madness Panics in the twilight with silence loud as riots There’s smiling on my face but my head is filled with sadness I thought he had a hand but it turns out he is spineless
I start out each day as if I’m facing Goliath At any moment I am ready to face violence Though humble are my feet when they are sleeping quiet When you hear me roar you’ll learn I am a lioness
We need entire continents to separate my rage And I don’t give a fuck if you think I act my age Make a note on your calendar or erase the fucking page It doesn’t change the fact we deserve a decent wage
Starving for food and love during a year long plague I’m fairly fucking certain I’ve been yelling from my cage But to the world full of green it’s a giant fucking stage And they don’t ever hear a word I fucking say!!!!!
I don’t want your support if it costs me my peace of mind. I’d rather starve. Or die in the street like Poe which is exactly where I’m heading if I don’t learn to LET IT GO.
I SEE THROUGH MONEY TO SEE YOU EMPTY AND WANTON AND NEVER HAVING MY FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, OR RESPECT. YOU CAN’T BUY THAT. YOU CAN’T BUY ME. IT’LL BOTHER YOU ONE DAY. BUT I’M ALREADY GONE. 👍
If you appreciate this blog, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon so I can pay my bills and eat: www.patreon.com/poeeternal
If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here.
You’re free to go Where the wind will blow Disassemble and row Nobody gotta tell yah so So go on and show What your feet can stow
Hello, good evening Tormentor May I call you Mister? Mister Tormentor? Word hipster Hard hitter Love quitter Still with her?
I go from tuning To finely pruning They say I’m ruin I got sin brewin’
His voice is a soothing surf Not a curse I need him and it’s getting worse For what it’s worth
Our lives aren’t permanent I was born and in effect, I’m not perfect Still mistakes you’ll erect On display my regret 1, 2, 3, now it’s set I’ll admit, I changed my bet But you are dead and now I’m next
He was gone But his eyes kept looking back And now love was a balancing act Her heart atrophied From the love it lacked
It is so obvious to me concepts But then I am gullible and miss steps
She cried so much He made a levee But it just keeps flooding Her tears are heavy
There is more bad than there is good It gets to me more than it should
Constantly pretending it doesn’t hurt at all Restart. Repurpose. Throw it up against a wall Reorganize disaster before they see the fall Rejection. Redirection. He will not take a call
Taste the sin, twice the infection Long-distance waiting, I cannot face inspection Hours non-debating and time shows no affection A trip to my own mind, a nightmare his direction
Everyday, I’m waking up triggered Just today, frustration got bigger
He must exist in some galaxy far from reach; Like my company he won’t seek
I’m stone but you cut through me like water; making me soft yet harder.
There’s a positive and a negative in everything I’ve learned; even the outcome…
I peer into my dream as if you’re there – A hundred million reasons why I care
His words a sword cutting through stone; I guess I’d rather be alone.
Read the lines in between, I do get what you mean and, I’m not searching for a thing…
Transforming into high seas Don’t wanna be on my knees Or marching in an army
My dreams of him live in endless meadows Where fears have been foreclosed Never near the brink of extinction Our love can never decompose
And now he’s building a nest Right where her heart beats best
Both try to speak though tongue was held They try to walk but they both failed
Sinners have acute senses sinning
One day she looked down at her hands and didn’t recognize them anymore.
Wounds she carries of others crosses. Her hearts too heavy from all these losses.
Wrap me in your worlds; only want your words.
You’re always passing by Why don’t you come inside And stay awhile by my side
Secrets aren’t for telling Even when we’re yelling Secrets aren’t for selling Even where you’re dwelling
I don’t know if he’s iron or sorcery / He’s got a hold on me
They come, they go I’m high, then low
The trouble with worry is that I worry there’s trouble.
He yells “retreat, I am the dark” But, he is the way for light to embark It takes both to fuel the heart And when it comes to love they hit the mark
“…You have to cut the cord”
“No, I can’t live without you…”
“Babe, you can’t stop existing just because I do” (love is keepsake, love is forever)
I gave you my best angles My mess and my tangles
She said, “you finally showed up. Took the damn end of the world, too…”
Hi guys. It’s my birthday today. And also the 12th edition of The Saturday Symphony. How auspicious is that? Here’s a little senryu to kick us off; With Age I Welcome Wisdom This week’s three featured posts The games of sorcerers by Olga – If you’re a Tolkien geek like me, you won’t find a […]
A very happy birthday to Jude! And thanks for featuring my work over on the Saturday Symphony! (Please visit the original blog post by clicking on the blog post shared). 👍
Excited but equally terrified. But, I’m definitely adding ‘open mic night spoken word’ to my channel. I want to do a trial session or two before I add it to a permanent schedule on my Twitch. Cuz nerves. But, people DJ on Twitch, podcast, fitness, cook, it’s not just for gaming… 🖒
Yeps. Skeered.
Also, I’m terrible about falling asleep with eye makeup on but I must like the messy look (hides the bags I suppose, I gets no sleeps). 😂
But Twitch is definitely a social platform and I also have a Discord now! Definitely could use some cheerleaders in my corner right now. 🙌
Be sure you are keeping an eye on my Instagram feed and stories! I drop more than selfies there. 😃
I appreciate all your support out there! Thank you!! ❤
I’m going live again on Twitch, Sunday afternoon (tomorrow)! Playing a horror game I’m obsessed with and I also had a request to play as a killer so I’ll be hopping on as a killer at some point during the livestream to play as a killer too (thanks for the request)!
It’s really fun connecting with you all! I don’t have a date yet with when I’ll do the spoken word I just know it’s coming soon!! I’m not sure how often I even want to do it, but at least once or twice per month (along with the other live streaming I do). It would be cool to add a fitness day in there too!
If you are on Twitch let me know! I am completely new to the app but I’ve known of its existence. But I have a lot to learn!
Also, thanks for all the fantastic support on my Patreon campaign this year! I am truly grateful! I am working on your rewards for September! 😍
Uhm, so I’ll be dropping more poetry on my blog too of course! But, I’ve been itching to do some vampire cosplay and October is creeping around the corner. My fangs wanna dance.
I need to get back on eBay and sell my GOPRO camera bundle set, so I can buy an easier cam setup. At the time, I spent around $1k on everything and I’ve since used it twice. 😨 I also desperately need a laptop. So, I’m definitely getting back on eBay soon and I might have a collectible or two I can sell. On top of needing like electronics, I need food. 😎
I’m down to my last three car payments! I just might get the ground kissed once I get her paid off! I’ve been paying off my car note since 2014! But the change in career paths and disabilities have made it tough! Some of you have helped me out of that pickle, thank you! Holycrap, life is extremely difficult, there have been times I know I have made it even more difficult for others, but I was drowning. But I’ve made a lot of changes in my medications and luckily the episodes have been less! Literally the worst thing I’ve done is told someone I fucking hated them online. I forgive me. Shit happens and I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t even think straight on all that shit! One pill, two pill, three pill, more! Where the fuck is the topest building, let me leap. 💩💩💩
Ok, happy Saturday and bye! I have shit to do! TTYL! 😄
Hi y’all! I’ve been working on my Twitch channel! 😍
Thank you to everyone who has given it a follow!! ❤❤❤
My channel now has an identity and I’ve got my nose stuck in the Creator Camp trying to learn the ins-and-outs and it is so intricate, there is still so much to learn! I have a partial schedule up, but nothing is set in stone yet, I’ll also be doing some impromptu live streams!
Creators use Twitch for all sorts of things, to livestream their cooking shows, their music, their gaming, so I don’t see why I can’t do some open mic night spoken word in the future!! I’ve got an amp, I’ve got a mic, I’ve even got a guitar! Now I just gotta find my nerve! You can invite guest and everything, so I intend to fully use Twitch for all the things. But, baby steps.
I love to game and I will be doing more game walkthroughs. And I’ve already had a request to play ‘Dead By Daylight’ as the killer, so I’ll be fulfilling that request soon! Thank you for requesting! 🖒🖒
High-five to everyone who has tuned in, followed, commented, friended, or left me a Whisper! 🙌
You can find my Twitch Tv channel under my pen POEETERNAL or by following this link: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal
I’ll be going live again soon!
My channel is starting to have an identity! Thank you for tuning in or following! ❤
P.S. if you are still supporting my Patreon campaign, you are the coolest ever! Thank you!! 😍
Grateful for all your support xoxoThank you for the loves! So, I’ve been painting my lips red since I was thirteen. Some things never change… I’ll be live streaming with red lips again soon. 🙂
Hi. How are you? Keeping safe? I’ve been trying to enjoy my summer by going on bike rides with my dog but it’s been raining like crazy around here. He loves to go on rides and I love taking him. He turned nine years old last week.
I haven’t been blogging as much, there’s little inspiration coming in. Just feeling absolutely drained and needing a break from the blogging sphere. I’ve honestly needed a break from everything in life. I miss travel, food, gigs, friends. This quarantine sucks and isolation has actually been harder for my depression. On the upside, Twitching has been fun.
Now that I’ve got on Twitch, I’ve been live streaming more. The app is so intricate, there is so much I’m still trying to learn. I’ve been working towards the affiliate goals, please give me a follow on my channel and help me reach 50 followers (7/50 currently)! 🙏❤🙏 I’m super shy, but pushing through boundaries. I play other games and I’ll get around to showing those off soon. I’m going to live stream other stuff than just games but I’m still learning the ropes on the platform.
I just want to open up and start sharing more of my life with you. So give me a follow over there if any of this interest you. If you have an Amazon Prime account you can connect your Twitch account and then you can actually subscribe to me (but I have to reach 50 followers before I can have subscribers).
Thank you to everyone who’s been checking out my channel!! It’s honestly helping me not be so stir-crazy!! Sending you lots of love!!
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone.
Will you be there to watch your mom die Or will it be by the hand of suicide Years and years of these trials Hard to keep you by my side Took a chance once or twice And might succeed tonight – oh son!
Some call it paradise But it’s a parasite Understand what living’s like It’s like your under knife Want a hand to get it right Don’t leave the world a fright – oh son!
Accept that life is might Don’t have the heart to fight I wear this sadness tight Like a rope in flight Sorry’s nowhere in sight And I’m alone, alright! – oh son!
Y’all, I’m fine. It’s a song I’m writing, and I wish I could get the melody from my head to my guitar and my vocals. I also wish I could write a guitar solo from the tip of my tongue the way David Gilmour can. I can’t. I know maybe 4 chords. I can’t evenwhistle.
I’m sharing my struggles with you. Because there’s a 50% chance I might not make it out alive… dark times.
Depression is when every part of you wants to give up and roll over but you crawl on, in agony, anyway.
Some escape this despair, for other’s it’s terminal. There’s a 50/50 chance for survival. You’ll need rigorous response to recover and live with depression. Currently, I’m trying alternative treatments and therapy. Stuff doesn’t always work. Sometimes I become immune to treatments. Sometimes I disappear for days and no one knows where I am or hears from me. Sometimes they force treatment on me, throw me in rubber rooms, where it takes 6 people to hold me down just to shoot my ass up with Thorazine. Regardless if you go voluntary or not for in-house treatment, they will take all your clothes from you and your phone, you can’t have any of your books, but you’re allowed the Bible, you can’t talk to anybody, you can’t read magazines or listen to music, because there’s this underlying misconception that “stuff” can make you better.
And then no one wants to admit to having mental health issues because you get called “crazy” or other demeaning terms,and often the closest people around you, will use those terms against you when they are angry.
If you are struggling, I’m not going to say it gets better, because honestly, it gets worse. Depression isn’t about how much money you have or fame, it doesn’t care if you are broke or rich, and that’s why rich people die from depression too. But these things can be symptoms of depression. Depression can come about just because it wants to. It doesn’t take a death, or job loss, divorce, or any other event to be depressed. That’s why you shouldn’t ask people, “what do you have to be depressed about?”. Depression is a mental health illness, you’re ILL. You might need meds, therapy, short or long term treatments. It’s not your fault that you are ill. You are not alone. Hang on.
Edit to add: Sometimes depression is environmental so it doesn’t always require therapy or treatment. Sometimes it requires a change in your environment or situation. So don’t always assume a pill can make something better. And don’t push big pharma on others or make demeaning comments like, “you haven’t taken your medication have you”.
Hellos. I’m fine despite dark thoughts swirling like a nebula. Depression.
If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
I hope you are well! I’m sorry I’ve been quiet in the blogging world, I’ve kind of needed a break from writing and WordPress (but not you). I wish I could put me in vaca mode, not just my email. Summer has me in outside mode (when it’s not feverishly raining) 24/7.
I want to put together a schedule for my Twitch live streams, and I’m curious to know which time frames work best for your schedule. I’ve started a poll on Twitter where you can vote anonymously, but you can also answer freely here. I am committed to streaming once a week, but I likely can stream two to three times weekly. I am on EDT, so take that into consideration.
Personally my favorite times to game are late at night or early mornings. Obviously, any time an event for a game is on-going, I will be more active. I also like to game around / after dinner time. Weekends and late evenings preferred.
I fully intend to go live outside of gaming too. For everything and anything. Maybe to show you around a park I am visiting or to read you a mindfulness book. Who knows! Florida isn’t fully open and operating yet but I’m pretty good at thinking outside of the box (I’m just terribly shy). I live in a very active touristy area. Daytona Beach is home to the famous Daytona 500 and Daytona Bike Week. We’re also famous for our white beaches and draw in all the spring breakers. We have a ton of parks around here, and for the most part, those have been reopened.
I need to start working off this quarantine weight. The gym and pool where I live are still closed. And it’s either been too hot or raining to get any bike rides in. I’m getting in a few. But I’m committed to losing this weight and getting back in shape, ugg, too many quarantine donuts and I’ve got 3 more today. *insert drool nom nom emoji*
It’s easy for you to tell me to give up the donuts when you’re getting laid. You’re getting laid and getting to eat donuts, so I don’t want to hear it. Sex burns more calories than running. And I don’t run anymore. Unless it’s to the ice cream truck in the rain. Stop judging.
Anyhoo, I’m slightly working out. I have to trick my depression into believing it’s doing something magical, because my energy done got up and jumped into a galactic black hole. Now add the fact that there is no joy in anything but eating and sleeping. And sleeping has to be drug induced, I gather eating does too. I’d literally have no energy to breathe if my body didn’t do it automatically. Breathing is fucking exhausting tho. Especially with anxiety and nightmares. I wish I could go float in the pool but no, closed. I pretend I’m floating in my tub after a half a bottle of wine.
Anyhoo, I’m kicking quarantine up a notch. So if you wanna watch me do stuff, stuff like eating and breathing, I’m getting online weekly. Yay. Stuffs to do!! And to be honest, having a schedule both excites and scares the shite out of me. I like to be spontaneous. But I also have cryptic stage fright. But a schedule makes sense in the TV world, and I understand its importance regarding return viewers. Obviously good content is important too but if I’m always going live when everyone is sleeping, I won’t have anyone to interact with.
I’d love to see my Twitch reach 50 subscribers, so drops and other in-game loot becomes available for viewers. Goals are good to have (and share).
Also, let me know what content interest you. What games are you into? Do you want to see me review games weekly? Are you into a certain genre? Would morning or night streams work for you? Weekly or weekend? Are you interested in seeing the city I live in? Are you interested in real life or gaming? I will be using YouTube live as well but that’s an entire new puppy to adopt. Feel free to email or message me privately if you prefer. Thanks for checking out my Twitch channel!
Hey y’all! Thank you to everyone who helped make my birthday special yesterday!! If you left love on my socials or watched me on Twitch, double thank you! I’ll be going live again soon! 😍
Yesterday, Joy for Jan, a depression awareness group, ran by two ladies who lost their mother by suicide, also published a special video message I recorded for them, on their Instagram TV/ IGTV. It’s a little over 10 minutes long and talks about the misconception that you can just “snap out of depression”. Most of us have been guilty of thinking this or asking this of others. “Hey come on, cheer up, what do you have to be sad about?”. Well that’s the thing, there’s plenty to be sad about but it doesn’t require an event to make you depressed. Everything can be going great in your life and you or someone you know can still get depression.
Check out the special video message I made for them and check out their website and socials. If you prefer, they published the video on their Facebook page too. You can view that here.
They are an excellent support group for mental health awareness.
Follow them, listen to others, spread the word. Let’s help change the misconceptions regarding depression and mental illness.
We all know someone who is suffering from depression, or we’ve lost someone to suicide, or we suffer from depression ourselves.
You’re not crazy, you’re ill.That’s why it’s called a mental illness.
And often it takes rigorous response to treat depression. Depression is and can be TERMINAL.
The suicide rate continues to rise worldwide, not just among military and Veterans, but civilians as well. Have some compassion for yourself and for others.
Practice the art of forgiveness.
Sending light and love to those suffering from mental illness and to those who have lost someone to mental illness.
If you dig my blog, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
Vampirism for the deeply lonely existence I live Darkness for the light I give Forgiveness for your life of sin Reason for my faith within
HAPPY FRIDAY Y’ALL. I DID MY MAKEUPS. CUZ BORED! I’m posting to say hi!
I’m not a model, never aspired to be. A vampire on the other hand, I’ve been obsessed with them since I was 5 (zombies too) and it never sat well with my mom who is super Christian. If you dig stuff like vampires, then maybe you will enjoy these bits of images and videos (minus the quarantine weight I’ve put on). Isolation + custom fitted fangs + a shit ton of eye makeup + snaps + edits = vampire erotica?
I hope you like them. Happy Halloween. Wait, err, everyday is Halloween!?!
I’m single and ready to mingle but there is like a pandemic going on and I’m not trying to catch the plague… literally watching The Universe on Netflix but I need to catch up on Dark. I’m somewhere in season 2. What y’all watching these days?
Just me (no fangs)!Just me (no fangs)! Just me (no fangs)!Just me (no fangs)!
So, Twitter banned me from doing several actions for three days but yesterday I was allowed back and I started a peeing poll right away. Yes, you heard correctly. I needed to lighten the load from politics and pandemics to peeing. Sometimes I’m not online because I’m not allowed to be. LOL LOL I’m not little miss perfect after all… 😂
I am a writer so of course I tried to make the poll interesting! And the votes coming in are amusing! So what say you, is peeing in the shower cool or not? Inquiring minds want to know…
No one makes me smile the way he makes me smile – not by a mile The way he wears me with his eyes, if only you had his style Months go by without a word like we’re living in exile And then word the king is coming and we’re lining up single-file
I got a “like” by Bush on this Instagram post of this poem I wrote and digiart of Gavin Rossdale I made!! (see post below) *squee* (it is definitely squee worthy for one of my favorite artist to like a poem I wrote about him, I will take the love in any form or fashion he gives me!!!)
So, *tries to breathe* some of you may know I’m obsessed with Gavin Rossdale and Bush, I literally wait for hours in all weather just to get front row for his band… I drive for hours, I wait in long lines for hours (I’m usually front of line, so get to venues extremely early, after driving for hours to get to said venue- although a couple gigs have been nearby!) Anyhoo, I am full-on, fangirl. And when he’s around me, I literally do stupid shit. I forget basic greetings. I drop shit. Sometimes I curse him. Last year I decided to skip hugging him when he reached out to hug me, and hugged Chris the guitar player instead. In my mind, I guess ‘save the best for last’ but in reality, STEWPIDS. He stills loves me despite me erratic behavior, he actually touched my pants and said, “I love your pants” (they were Kat Von D leggins). Everything is a bit fuzzy afterwards. But every time I meet him I get like, fuzzy. There are many stories, but I won’t get through them all.
6 days ago Bush performed a free live gig, for the launch of Fantracks, a cool interactive stage where you can see bands perform! Seeing as gigs have come to a complete halt in reality, a live stream is the next-best-thing! Of course I tuned in for the Bush performance. But, a couple days prior to the event, a Tweet came in very late in the day, to send in video questions via email, so I quickly put together a 19 second video, but almost gave up emailing it, because the file was too big to send email even at 19 seconds. So naturally, I had to reduce the file size, without reducing the quality, and in the end, tossing it in my Instagram story creator tool, and saving it without actually sharing it, worked better than anything else I could do! Eventually got it emailed, but nearly gave up until I tried the Insta thing! I didn’t think my question would get selected, Bush just dropped a new album, I figured they’d answer those sorts of questions by fans!
Apparently some 125,000 people tuned in for the launch of Fantracks with Bush performing!! I was watching it livestream free, but it’s now available on Video-on-Demand (VOD) for like $1.99 I think. So if you want to see the preshow, the gig, and the aftershow stuff, it’s worth getting!! You’ll get to see the entire show, plus see my fan question!! Anyway, I shared just the Q&A with Gav and me on my Instagram IGTV, and Youtube (see video below)! It’s been an exciting few days!! Are you a Bush fan? Are you into gigging as much as me? Are there any bands you worship? Music is what I am living for. And poetry. =)
Watch my fan question to Gavin Rossdale below!! A YouTube version is also below! This is only my section with Gavin, he answered two other fan questions as well! Mine was question two he answered! So cool that my question was selected and answered!! I love Bush!!! *screams*
And my obsession with my king continues… =) I’m still riding this high!!!Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by Bush Screenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushScreenshots taken by me during the live stream performance by BushGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield – Screenshots taken by me during the aftershow Q&A
Self, Gavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&AGavin Rossdale and Matt Pinfield with my fan question – Screenshots taken by me during the after-show Q&A
P.S. I have more photos than what I’ve shared here. And honestly, I could make this entire blog post as long as a book! It feels good to have my tablet full of Bush photos again (even if only this livestream and Q&A)! This year has been a bust! BUT THIS MAKES ME HAPPIES. And I’m feeling some inspiration tickling in these cold veins again… =)
Please hit the like button if you enjoyed this post, or drop me a comment below! I love hearing from you (you do not need to be logged in or a WordPress member to leave comments)!!
OMG y’all, this pandemic/quarantine/shutdown has left me gasping to find inspiration. I haven’t got to go to one gig this year to see a band I love or anything and that’s what I’m pretty much alive for. I haven’t got to get in my Jeep and just travel for hundreds of miles to another state to go see a band I love or a friend. Zero road trips. I’m alive for the arts. Music. Poetry. Drink. Freedom of choice. And I fought for these things too.
But borders are closing. Hospitals overflowing. Information disclosing. Opinions opposing. People exposing.
There’s been little to live for but alot to be said. And for the record, I am PRO MASK. I worked as an EMT medic for many years, in the hospitals, in the fields, and in combat zones. There’s not anything you’re going to say that’s going to defer my opinion from what the CDC is putting out. Or from what my training and experience has taught me. And I’m the kind of person that would gladly get back in the Army just to have the right to enforce that on you. I was an excellent soldier, and once a soldier, always a soldier. HOOAH. And there are medics that are actually returning to the government military just to help with this pandemic. Wear a mask. 😷
I have found some inspiration during this epidemic and that’s the amount of traffic and feedback I’ve been getting on my poetry and on my blog/ website. And for some reason it just inspires me to keep writing and sharing. Despite the terrible lows and hailing cries. Despite the unfollows and lost patrons. I am moving on. I go from barefoot to combat boots. I am both feminine and masculine. Soft and hard. Together and messy. Life is complicated. But I created my blog as a safe place to write. And I’ve even done monstrous things here but life goes on and I do not dwell. I’m evolving. Sometimes I turn into the monsters I am slaying. Hive mind. Even from the depths of hell, I can’t control all of me, all the time *gasp*. But I blame big Pharma and depression just as much as I do myself.
Sometimes I stop and commend myself for making it this far. For all the storms I’ve actually gone through, not just the internal ones, but the real ones. Sandstorms. Hurricanes. Unfit parents. Sexual, verbal, and physical abuse survivor. War. (I’d even throw childbirth in there and a rib tattoo, broken bones, sickness). STORMS. 🤓
I’ve got enough medals and awards from the military that I could fill an entire wall but nothing makes me happier than to see my blog hit FIFTY THOUSAND VIEWS. 50,000 visits to my little home on the web!!! 😍
I read through the WordPress FAQ some time ago to see if my own IP/visits are counted / included and THEY ARE NOT (though the do keep track of authors separately because you can have multiple authors on a single blog (which is why you can see yourself in the stats but if you go read the FAQ you will see that it clearly does not count towards your view/visit counts to your own blog!!
My blog has also been getting more follows too, the current tally is 834 blog followers and if I ever hit 1K I will squeal! I am a terrible blogger in that my depression and anxiety keeps me isolated, so I’m not social, but I put everything I have into the words I bring you. I’m genuine, I’m just emotionally unavailable. Maybe my soul is leaking from my pen and now you all have bits of me. I’m giving you all I have.
Your feedback and comments and support is a treasure surely and though I oft little share it in return, I am grateful for you. I’ll even protect you and take a bullet for you but hold your hand, no. Sometimes people ask me what my sexuality is or my nationality and I say vampirism. I walk the streets of hell alone, it is my duty. I cannot be sidetracked by lust and sins, be gone demons. I’ve had enough. Mine is tempered and sleeping this decade off because- Apophis 2029. I’m only interested in spiritual healing, positive energy, and mental growth. I’m dying. The end is painful but the environment must be peaceful, dig? I don’t want you in my foxhole. But near. Tell me of beauty and poetry. I’m entitled to die how I want. If they made assisted suicide legal, I’d be on that bandwagon in a heartbeat.
Depression is and can be TERMINAL. The methods for treating depression are barbaric. From foxholes to thorazine hazed padded rooms. Fuck you. My diary 2020. Bringing it to you live right now. This year so far, on top of this pandemic, I was nearly hospitalized without my permission, taken in the back of a cop car, to a hospital so my mental health could be evaluated before they decided if they were going to withhold me, for a minimum of one week (7 days), without my permission, without any way to escape, without my service dog, my phone, or even the clothes on my back. In fact, while I was waiting in a locked room, they removed all of my clothing and items and gave me a hospital gown. 4 hours later the doctor saw me and agreed I was fit enough to return home. Which was great because I had already pre-warned the cop that if I was separated from my dog I was about to turn into a criminal with a record… but also, recently as the shutdown was happening here in Florida, I got pulled over by three cops in 3 cop cars with their lights going for not doing a full stop at the sign. A tiny fraction of a rolling stop- 3 cops. And I nearly died of a heart-attack. And white privilege was definitely not rolling around in my head, more like fear, but it did help that I was a damsel in distress and (kind of cute but my dog is cuter), but I didn’t yell at the cops either, or give them any more reasons to come at me hostilly cuz they weren’t fucking around… anyhoo that was probably my 8th life out of 9 cat lives lived/used… my luck and time is running out. But also, lesson learned STAY HOME.
2020 has mostly been lows but the blog love has been a lifeboat, a lighthouse, and even a life jacket and I can breathe a little. There’s nothing worse than my freedom being threatened. But I’ve been responsible for it being threatened every time, my worst enemy is me.
Fuck defundung the police. How about giving back the rights to vote to voters who are back in society. Think about all the people in America who cannot vote because of the War on Drugs, marijuana is becoming legal in a lot of States, but there are still people behind bars for marijuana offenses. WRONG. FREE THE PEOPLE. FREE THE PLANT. STOP THE WAR ON DRUGS. WE NEED REFORM IN JAILS AND PRISONS. We need to give people back their right to vote!!! “But voting doesn’t make a difference” fuck you- IT DOES. Utilize your right to vote! Florida had on the ballot to give back prior criminals the right to vote and it passed and I was there voting on that issue, I voted yes, give them their rights back to vote, so luckily people who have gone to jail or prison over the War on Drugs at least in Florida now have the right to vote again, fucking use your voice, it works! And yes I know all about the NWO / New World Order Illuminati, I know they exist, but on a state-level voting helps.
Anyway, I’m not allowed to talk about politics or religion or even what kind of medications I’m allowed to put in my own body because I will literally lose followers and supporters… Someone out there right now is probably unfollowing me because I am pro mask and pro medicinal marijuana. Or pro-voter. I’ve lost followers for not being Christian enough. For vampire cosplay. For not being sexually available for their needs. For not giving them my precious energy or time. For showing my boobs. For not showing my boobs. I mean, all I have to do is wake the fuck up and I’ll lose a follower. Here, there, everywhere. It’s frustrating. It’s meant to hurt. It always does. And sometimes I even run off followers with a duststorm following behind. It’s regretful yes. I’ve even sent hatemail. UGGG. THE CROSS I CARRY. CURSED. Sometimes I know what caused the manic outbreaks. I’m just trying to get to a point in my life where I don’t react. Zen. I also get my Jeep paid off in October which will be my last car payment and that will bring me some financial freedom and I’ll be out of the financial apocalypse that I found myself in. Then I’m saving for a trip to the UK. VACA. TRAVEL. The thing I live for. MUSIC. BUSH. BANDS.
Thanks for reading my blog! For following! For liking and commenting! For re-blogging or sharing my work! For dealing with my anti-social behavior and mood swings. For forgiving me of my mistakes and still loving me when I make them because you see that I’ve put in effort to get better or change. For trying to listen and learn about depression. For allowing me to be completely transparent with you. For letting me decide things and then change my mind. For letting me experiment with who I am and what is art. For letting me share my sexuality without there being some form of sexual harassment that always follows. For letting me just be me and not having to give you anything in return (tid for tat). For liking me despite my flaws. For encouraging me to keep writing!! For reading my rhyme!!! There just aren’t many people who are into rhyming poetry or even that many rhyming poets left!! So I’m grateful for you! And I need so much space currently to write. I need the space to be a certain energy or vibe. I don’t have time or energy to piss away, I have so much left to say and so little mood or energy to do it!! Thanks for listening! THANKS FOR 50,000 VISITS TO MY BLOG. HOLY SHIT. I love you. 😍
Screenshot of my pinned tweet by the amazing actor, Val Kilmer who said he LOVED my handle (my Twitter name which is my pseudonym/pen name on the web and under which I write /publish poetry).
As a writer, it was cool to get a compliment about my pen from one of my favorite actors since I was 10 years old, and first saw him in the film Willow. Loved him in Batman, The Doors, and so many more movies!! I wish I could get my hands on some of Kilmer’s poetry. And I’m devastated I sold my first edition poetry book by Jim Morrison on Ebay but financial apocalypse… (it was either going to be an heirloom for my child or it was going to be loot in my tomb).
I’m sorry the audio is out of synch with the video. I tried recording 20 times, 2 different devices, restarting device & internet, still not in sync. Accepted life is messy and not perfect. Edited and posted anyway for effort and because 50K!!Amazed50K!!! Edgar Allan Poe sends his regards 😆I was up all night nearly patiently waiting for my blog to roll over to 50,000 views. This was 10 views away from 50K. And I missed 50,000, when it turned it was already at 50,003!! 🤓If you’re bothered by a little bra showing, it’s Florida m’kay, nearly 100 degrees here… no filter. Thanks for 50K!!! I luv u!!! My 50K smile 😆I don’t have just a few freckles, in reality, I have more freckles on my body than existing galaxies… For realz (just change ‘outing’ to ‘anything I said yes to’ instead)
If you enjoyed this post or enjoy this blog and would like to make a donation to support my creativity, you can donate to my PayPal here: https://www.paypal.me/deliaross
Or, if you dig my writing, and would like to support my on-going creativity, subscribe to my Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Hi guys. If you’re reading this, I’m happy you’re well enough to do so. I know these times are tough. The Saturday Symphony, is a brand new weekly feature by yours truly. But before we get into what it’s about, here’s some poetry for the soul, Apathy Up, on a lonely cloud Watching what goes […]
I’m depressed, moody, withdrawn, emotionally detached, unavailable in every capacity. People swear they get it up until they’re screaming profanities at me for how evil I am for not giving them my time (or love for that matter). I am a fallen angel and a creature of the underground, I’m not capable of love. But a monster I am not. Just simply void and numb. Sorry not sorry. SURVIVAL MODE
What does all this mean? Depression means I’m incapable of forming attachments. Or joy. Writing is my only escape. It was my escape when I was a little girl and couldn’t escape all the abuse. I wrote poetry in between classes at school. On the bus. On the toilet. And guess what? I still do. Only now I’m sharing this part of me WITH YOU. But I lose friendships and followers because I’m unable to maintain communication right now. I keep telling people I’m depressed and suicidal but it’s like wind over the ears. They still need me to provide a service for them. I cannot. I barely can brush my teeth on some days. This is not me you’re meeting but some ruined version of what I might have could of been… (and yes under all the suicidal ideation I am gentle and loving and worth saving). So bye.
“Just another lost angel”…
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Hi. New poetry is posted on my Patreon. All my written poetry is available for all my tiers (my lowest tier is $1 per month). By becoming a patron, at any level, you will have access to my exclusive poetry feed + photography and digiart (that you may use on your own blogs or purposes). My tier 3, which is a new tier, includes spoken word that is recorded with professional equipment and some of the spoken word includes music and elements. Please consider joining if you have not already. Your support means I can keep writing (and eat)!
It was long overdue but I’ve finally updated my ‘About Me‘ section on my blog, and added a gallery with a few photos from my time in the Army plus a little back history of my life. It includes a few hyperlinks as well to additional information (like that time I applied to the Mars One project to live on Mars and actually became an official candidate). And an article about my unit during wartime.
Hello my loves! If you dig my writing, would you please take a minute to check out my Patreon campaign and consider pledging so that I may continue writing and giving you my absolute best!?!
It would mean the absolute world to me if you would join, and my lowest tier is $1 and that gives you access to exclusive poetry you won’t find published anywhere else, plus original photography and digital art that you may use on your own blogs or social media sites! You will also receive a welcome video and a welcome note for joining, as well as an MP3 of original spoken word! Perks for being a member! ❤
I am doing my best to survive this dog-eat-dog world! Just like everyone else, I need bread to buy and supplies to keep honing my craft and website costs to continue running my domain and WordPress plans. Writing has been my dream job since the third grade, when a poem by Emily Dickinson moved me to tears and chills! I knew at that very moment poetry was in my blood. I’ve been writing since I was a little girl!!
Your pledges and support mean I can continue writing and making art! I do not have a poetry book that I am actively promoting, just my Patreon campaign! Sign-up is super easy and secure!! And you will have my undying love and gratitude and I get to keep writing!!!
If you dig my writing, please join my campaign!! 😍
Hi. I’m on a tiny posting break because I’ve been posting poetry nearly on the daily for the better part of 2 years now. And now I have a Patreon where I write as well. So, before I burn out, I’m chilling out. I also share poetry on my Instagram that I don’t share here and despite being on a break I’m still writing poetry.
With that said, there are some great writers on WordPress. And I really would like to get to know you better and your work. So drop links to your books and projects here, and I will slowly start to buy some (I’ve already bought one bloggers book and joined another bloggers Patreon campaign). My finances have been a wee tight because I pay all my own bills but life is not worth living without entertainment and I’m not alive just to pay bills. So drop your stuffs! And if you know that I’ve already bought your book, drop your link anyway because someone else might want it.
If you don’t have a book or a project to promote, then drop the link to your website or your blog so I can give you a visit.
By-the-way, I’m grateful for your support on my blog. Your comments, your likes, your follows, your visits. It’s all appreciated. Big thanks. I hope you are well and keeping safe. I’ll be back to reading your blogs soon.
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I love you. And I’ve got so much, I don’t know where to put it all. So sending love, lots of love. Because any one of us could be gone at any minute. And I don’t want to waste an ounce of my love. I’m just going to keep giving it until I can’t. And these are very dark days. But the love is the light. Stay in the light. Don’t let hate and anger become dark matter. They say there’s more darkness than there is light in the world, so in a way, the light is always fighting to be seen. And I believe that our souls are energy and that energy goes somewhere when we die. Energy seems to be the only thing that’s constant. And my love. I may be petite but my love is expanding like the universe. Spiral out, keep going… 😊 xxoo
I woke up like dis! No filter Monday (go with me here, in isolation, all the days are the same). I know, I’m always a day late and a dollar short. It’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these and I normally do them on Instagram but Instagram wants to zoom the photos so I decided I’m going to do it on my blog today. No filter, no fancy lighting, no special camera tricks, no makeup, no plastic, no dye, no unique location, no cool clothing, not even coffee. Alas, just me early in the mornings and my eyes are still sleepy as I type this. Just plain and boring me. Freckles and hazel eyes, as I was born eons ago. And believe me it was eons ago. Decades upon decades. Oh, I feel a poem coming. Anyhoo. To be fair, many people have tried to change me over the years by pushing plastic on me (I still refuse to have any plastic on me because I like to feel my surroundings, therefore plastic surgery or fake nails, fake eyelashes, or any other fake stuff will never be part of my existence, sorry not sorry). I still get complaints of today that I don’t wax my eyebrows or get fake tans so I look like the color orange. I tried fake nails once for 2 weeks and I couldn’t feel a thing I touched and my fingernails themselves couldn’t breathe, gross. Plastic limits your sensories. There’s a disconnect from your soul. And there’s actually a movement that’s forming where women are getting their breast implants removed so that they can feel good again because they’re lethargic all the time and they can’t feel their surroundings. And dudes wonder why they can’t make their girl cum. Maybe if you stop pushing them to be fake they could feel things again. I don’t expect this to be a popular opinion but I’ve literally had guys tell me that they don’t like my boobs because they’re not fake. How dare you. Like, I’m a real individual. Don’t fucking diss me because I don’t live up to your standards of what real should be. You should never body shame a woman because they choose to not have their body parts cut off and removed. Like, I even breastfed my child an entire year. How dare you. Stop peer pressuring women into getting plastic surgery and body shaming them. How dare you. I’ve actually had to push through a lot of traumas because of people body shaming me for being real. How dare you. Anyway, it hasn’t been easy but alas I am 41 years old and still 100% natural. And being unmarried is a choice. A CHOICE. I am a fiercely strong and fiery independent woman. Hear me roar. Ahem, so now that I got that off my chest, I kinda feel better. Isn’t that kinda the entire purpose for writing? And I know some of my opinions aren’t popular but I’m not going to silence my voice any longer. But also, if I don’t learn to love myself I’m going to always be chasing after people who don’t love me as well. That ends today. So when you see me liking my own post or commenting to myself, it’s called self-love and you should try it.
P.S. I am in no way a vain person. And if body morphing is your thing cool, I support you. It’s your body. I just don’t feel like men/women/society should peer pressure women into doing it which has been my experience and it’s happened so many times and I’ve even had women complain that I don’t have a tan or my eyebrows waxed etc… the only modifications that I have and will likely get more of are tattoos and piercings. I gave up dying my hair as a resolution this year and so far I’ve stuck to it but I’m definitely not going to apologize that my hair color kind of looks faded. It’s also in its growing out phase. I took a razor to the side of my head last year, so I still have a good portion of my head with maybe 3 or 4 inches grown in. My hair is a mess. 😃
I currently weigh in at 120 lb at height 5’6″ and tiny Cinderella feet…
P.S.S. I’m getting ready to kick off an intense workout routine cuz I wanna cosplay and look gooddddd. I still need to tone up. I lost over 60 pounds (my last relationship was a nightmare and by the time I went no contact I weighed in at over 176 lb). If you are dating a narcissist go no contact and never look back. I did. And he still spies on me. Hoping he gets the *cough cough* I’m not even going to say it out loud cuz I don’t want that kind of karma on me but you know what I want to say… 😂
P.S.S. it takes a lot of courage to be yourself these days. 👍
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
For those who care, and for those who are asking, I’m okay. Practicing social distancing by keeping six feet and wearing a mask and gloves when I must + staying home. My community is not allowed any visitors for 30 days and my town is still in shutdown/isolation/quarantine mode. I hope you are okay too. Sending love. And a bit of sunshine from the Sunshine State. xoxo
I have an entire galaxy of freckles on me. I come flawed with natural hazel eyes. No one’s ever given a shit about my eye color though. Or me in general. I’m too petite and all the guys want thick girls or Barbie’s. Or modified with plastic and I prefer to feel things. So I am 100% all natural and rare. No longer dye my hair either. No fake nails, eyelashes, tans, breast, or hair. Just me. And I’m okay with me. I think it takes a lot of courage to be real these days. Peace out, yo.
Hi my loves. My introvertness has met maximum overload and I feel I am about to go cause some trouble in town. Maybe a toilet paper riot is what I need after all? This social distancing is starting to do my head in. How are you holding up? Tells me!!
MANDATORY SOCIAL DISTANCING. UGGGGG OVER IT! 2 AM BOREDOMSI mean, it’s a good idea if you don’t want to catch the Corona I iz boreddddddd (2 AM insomniac who sleeps in her eye makeup and wakes up looking like a $2 whore)Make it stopsIf you’re going crazzzzy out of your mind during this mandatory social distancing, just remember, it’s a normal response.
I can’t stand anything in my closet and I need a makeover. But I also can’t seem to throw away anything from my closet. But I also wouldn’t wear any of it anywhere. I’m also in between sizes where everything is either too big or too small (because I’m not toned up yet). And I might be having an identity crisis. Helps.
tank with a cross ugg donation pile now Jacket keep, tank gotta go into the donation pileMy hair is still air drying here.. it gets fluffier and longer as it dries and 1/4th of the other side of my head is still growing back (and is only maybe three inches now)Ever been with a petite babe!?! Not saying I’m a babe…but most dudes pass me up cuz I’m tinyWet hair don’t care but the clothes gotta go…I’ve had this little satin dress, since Jesus was walking the Earth, and that was the last time I wore it too…It gotta go…I’m hanging onto things that I’m never going to wear again but can’t let go…The leggings and Depeche Mode shirt can stay…They don’t have holes yet…But I’d wear them with holes anyway and I’m sure there’s several band T-shirts I need to get rid of but I need helps 😂Goodnight wherever you’re at
I make decisions I know I’ll regret later And I don’t know why I pop around, the truth is that I hate her In disgust, I watch how her little minions all think that she’s greater But she’s the equivalent of an asteroid making a crater And what he sees in her requires a calculator And a wallet, then add sex, she’s just around for labor But then she removes her panties and she just isn’t my flavor Maybe she thinks exposing herself is doing us a favor Well, for him, I’m sorry, but it’s the only motivator…
Warning, the following is a rant you best avoid but I needed to do it for my own fucking sanity… I only speak the truth. 👇
It’s not that I have anything against sex workers in particular, it’s just, I don’t like her, in particular. She’s gross, she lies, I can’t get the image of her vagina burned out of my mind, I know he sticks his dick in her (she’s cheap, AKA free), she emotionally blackmails him, and while he may put her in ropes, she’s the one that’s got him chained, she’s a pyramid scheme to her own fanbase which was built on lies, she pretends she’s a publishing company and acts like a cheap whore. It’s not hard to make your blog private if there is nudity, it’s kinda the fooking rules. But I guess she wants to help contribute to ruining our children in America with free porn yah!! (I’m sorry but close up shots of just your vagina is fucking porn). I hate her because she came to my blog spreading her fucking jealousy which led me to go check out her blogs and then I had to see her exposed vagina which I didn’t want to fucking see… And if I had paid to see that shit, I would have asked for a refund for real. But now she needs to pay for my fucking therapy to get her out of my head. I mean, why she assumes everyone wants to just come to her blog and see her fucking vagina up close!?! It wasn’t even like, neat. Like, I complain at people for posting pictures of their hands up close if they don’t even fucking have the decency to get a manicure beforehand or put lotion on… It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that them two are in a thing together. I’m not jealous of her body trust me, I don’t think she’s worked out a day in her life. You could go fishing with how coarse her hair is and judging by the looks of it she probably does. I’m not jealous of her fake fanbase that she’s created by pulling her panties off and lying to them. It’ll be a long day in hell before she releases her hold on him, I wouldn’t put it past her that she blackmails him. I’d bet my soul right now that he’s trapped, it’s no wonder their time together is always turbulent. I don’t like her for many many reasons there are for not liking a person. She’s bad all around. There’s good people like me and then there’s deceitful people like her who try to make you believe that I’m the bad person… I don’t like her because she’s a hugely bad influence for the love of my life. I don’t like her because she pretends to be a nice person, but if she was really a nice person she would have followed my blog when she came to it originally leaving all the comments that she did, but she is as fake as they come, she did it out of spite and jealousy only, and hoping that I would go check out her blogs like I did and find out the stuff that I did and now I have to watch her be all friendly to all the other bloggers we follow… In the beginning I was even stupid enough to follow her blog but I didn’t understand why she came and left me all those comments but never followed my blog but later it all made sense and I figured it out… (obvious facts they both deny). She never had any intentions of following my blog because she was jealous of him writing poetry about me while he was fucking her. Sad truths. But we all run in the same circle, so I have to see all of them support each other but leave me out… cuz I’m the problem LOL LOL and more poetic rants likely to come because I need more therapy for how much I can’t fucking stand her…
I feel slightly better after the rant.
And even after all the horrible shit I have learned, I still love him… Why? Why does the why even matter anymore? Him and I are the modern Romeo and Juliet. I swear we are. He’s beautifully dark and I love him. I just can’t stand her… And I’ve already gone through my period of slashing him through my poetry, I completely crucified him for real. But he still carried my cross. And loved me. And I still love him. And I still have the hope of one day and she can’t fucking take that from us… or our poetry. 👍👍👍
(even if he convinces y’all that none of it is about me)… mirror please) 😇😇😇😇
Listen, I’m not the smartest girl on the block, but I’m also not the dumbest and I know what’s real and I know what’s not. I love him and he must really love me too because he’s never actually blocked me anywhere despite the fact that I have crucified him more than once but he must have known how much I was hurting because deep down I have a reason to be hurting because this shit is actually real it’s actually fucking real and happening in real time right fucking now and it’s NOT just imaginary in my head. And even if his words aren’t always for me they heal me the same. I love him and I know that I’m his favorite love. He has many girls who love him but none who love him as much as I do. My love was made for him. The thing is, I can need him and set him free because it is real love and it keeps coming back to me. And I wish I didn’t dislike her the way I do because then maybe it would make it easier for him and I to be friends and follow each other again, but that’s exactly what she doesn’t want. She needs control. She’s also very co-dependent on him. I’m not because it is true love. I probably could have liked her had she not been a deceitful jealous spiteful conniving bitch. So, I’m sorry my love, but I think you can do better still. xoxo
And to the bitch this is about, get in the sea already…
SORRY NOT SORRY
If you dig my writing, you can support my blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
Shadows reveal everything. I posted stuffs on my Instagram. I play on an Epiphone. I know a few chords. You can listen on Tuners. I’m busy doing stuffs. Forgive my absence of your blogs (or commenting in general). I’m newly on Patreon as a writer if you’d like to support my creative endeavors. There’s only one me and I run all my social media accounts, but I do work hard to put out good content. Here’s some photos of me without makeups (sorry, self-loathing phase AKA depression).
I’ve gained at least 5 lbs from eating donuts I’m sure… (I weigh in at 125 pounds currently, petite as fuck). No filter. HAIRS 😍I posted this and a few others on Instagram but Insta zooms them. So here it is with my face. I’m sure it was better without. 🙂
G’nite! Time for baths. Probably should have cleaned up first. Dirty gal (more like just tired and achy). 🙂
Today is my WordPress anniversary! I’m not doing anything special to celebrate the day but I did take some snaps for you! With messy hair and a t-shirt. My basic, every day look. But now my hair looks messier than ever because my roots aren’t matching my drapes. BUT this is the year I am ATTEMPTING to love me as I am. And because I love me, I don’t want to put any more chemicals on my hair that I’ve been carefully growing out for nearly 3 years (the length of time I’ve been out of the Army). Once my ride is paid off, TATTOOS shall become me (I have 3 already). I would like some more piercings in my ears as well! Things I couldn’t do while serving honorably for 15 years!
I gave up lots of rights y’all probably take for granted. But now, I am attempting to enjoy those rights that y’all had that I didn’t have. And some folks don’t like that because it doesn’t serve their needs. But that’s okay too because this journey is teaching me who my real friends and family are. Who my real fans and supporters are. And exposing enemies wrapped like allies. And I appreciate those who allow me room to grow because there are many who are still holding onto versions of me that no longer exist. A narcissist may not be able to change but I can. I just wish I could forget a lot of the things they have done to me. Those things primarily being abuse. Anyhoo.
January 30th is my WordPress anny! HiI need foodz and coffeeeeePetite little thang but I love youuu
Thanks for the love and attention y’all. It’s non-existent in my real life. And dudes truly only care about the dirty gals. They pass me over like trash. They make me feel invisible and make me wish I had never been born… Or they are only interested in sex. Nothing more. Like, I’m a person with real feelings. But I’m either trash or a sex object, to them, that’s it. Depression is an understatement. What self-esteem? They’ve killed it. It’s a daily struggle to go on, to even want a purpose anymore. I can’t hide the sadness in my face any longer. Disappointment is an understatement. There are no words…
Except, I love you. Thank you for supporting me. For your follows. Your likes. Your re-shares. Your comments. Your pledges on my Patreon. Your encouragement. I need it more than ever now. You matter. ❤
First off, WOW, my blog hit 600 followers today and I think that’s a big deal. Especially considering I don’t follow the blogging rules, I’m not a social butterfly, I’m wild and awkward, I haven’t participated in any of the blogger award nominations, I actually read your stuff (as opposed to just hitting like on a flood of your post), and my comments can seem cold and off-putting, or instigating a bit, sarcastic or uncaring. Yo, all I can say is I’m a war vet and dealing with stuffs, loads of stuffs, communication in this phase of my life is hard. But I’m out here still trying to share who I am with you and you’re following me, and like that warms up my icy heart. And sometimes you guys leave me comments that really sink deep into my soul. I’m grateful for that and for you. Honestly your support has kept me going through this depression, I’d be lost without you.
Thank you for finding value in me when facing my family and discovering how toxic they were and how little value they actually had of me, especially after getting out of the army after serving honorably for 15 years. I literally had no support. You guys have seen me get emo, falter, fall, get back up again. You’ve let me share my writings with you, even the ones I was scared to share, which encouraged me to keep writing and to keep sharing. The poems in which I thought wouldn’t have much impact actually had more impact on others than the ones that I thought would carry more weight. Some I write as agony bleeds from my pen, taking careful time and precision, others I freestyle as if it’s the last rhyme I’ll ever write. Time is absolutely irrelevant when it comes to the quality of my poetry.
It doesn’t matter if I take an hour or 5 Seconds, the inspiration flows out all the same. It’s just the ones that are always painstakingly hard to write, aren’t always the ones that get the most attention. The ones that I desperately want people to like aren’t always the ones that get the attention. Or, the size of poem. It matters not. I’ve even pushed myself to write 10 word micro-stories and poems, 25 word micro-poems and stories, and 50 word poetry and stories, and you guys have took to all of them really well! And to be honest, it feels great when my mini stories are well-received because they aren’t easy to write. And all my poetry or stories always have a moral to them. A climax. A decline. A theme. An ending. Purpose. I give words purpose. That’s what I do. And in 200 years it very well may be my legacy.
But now is all that matters. I don’t just write for me anymore, I write for you as well. And by that I mean, you inspire me to keep going, to keep pushing through depression, self-loathing, regrets, sorrow, isolation, suicidal ideations, excessive crying, public mood swings, insomnia, rage, confusion, hate, and even unrequited love. Underneath all that you still see a person worth following. Thank you for reals. I see you. I love you.
P.S. I’m aware a recent poem probably hit really hard but they’re just words, I don’t really hate him, I actually want the best for him and love him and I wish he would actually try to get better and truth is I’m just trying to hurt him the way he’s hurting me. I don’t even want him to be blocked and I wish we were following each other’s blogs & Insta’s again. But, I haven’t got past my own insecurities and seeing him flirt with other girls hurts me to the core, like the very center, which seems to radiate everywhere else in me. And lately the hurt has been flowing out like hot magma, but hopefully when the rage cools down, crust will form over the Earth, flowers will bloom again. Because, the hate doesn’t stop making me love him. Death won’t even do that…
P.S.S. A big shoutout to all my Patrons who are supporting this blog, I am utterly grateful for your encouragement and pledges, you have no idea! I so value your support and your feedback, as a writer it’s invaluable, and the privacy of it allows me to have a “safe place” to write and grow with you. But also, I really need the bread money and your support means I can keep writing on this blog and writing is so therapeutic! It also holds me accountable, and gives my life purpose and meaning. Something many veterans struggle with after returning to civilian life. And I really am trying to give you a lot of value for your money, thank you for believing in me! And for pledging! ❤ I’m getting sobby again. I cry over everything but at least this one is a good cry. 😄
The bigger number, the one nearing 4K, that’s WordPress counting my Twitter and Facebook followers (I don’t think Insta is included in that data but I could be wrong).
If you dig my writing, you can support this blog by becoming a VIP patron on my Patreon campaign (my goal is 25 patrons, we’re 6/25) 😍: https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
You come waning through And full bring me to you Wide in my view Pulse quickens too
Anyone else obsessed with our moon? As a woman (and as of most things in nature), my cycles follow the Moon… life evolves and flourishes because of the Moon. So many mating rituals in nature itself, under her glow. And so I always see the moon as feminine energy. Or feel rather. We’re made mostly of water, I feel her tug. They say she’s spinning further away, and one day Earth will no longer be able to hold her. Yet on some days she feels closer than ever. Some dismiss her powers. I write about her alot in my poetry. My pets think the Sun goes to sleep at night, and the sky gets angry and cries. The wind is an entity too, especially in Florida with the hurricanes… BUT when I told my dog we needed the water the sky cries, I saw his mind expand I swear… 🤓
Anyhoo, I wrote this during that recent wolf moon we had. I have a lot of stuff I’ve started but haven’t finished. Some may never see the light of day. But even Edgar Allan Poe’s unpublished stuff wound up getting published. My words are my legacy really. And my words are the only thing I have control of right now. And I never know how many I have left. How many words have I used? What’s remaining? Nothing is infinite. Everything dies. I mean, one day, this fucking galaxy will be gone… poof. Vanished. Our existence completely annihilated. Dust. Bones. Gone. The only thing that matters is right now.
Sorry to get deep on you but it’s now 3 AM and I’m feeling socially deprived and chatty. ✌
And if you didn’t catch the double meanings in the poem, I was referring to how a certain person quickens me, and there’s a slight sexual reference in there. I always tell people art is subjective though including poetry so you get from it what you get from it. It doesn’t have to be what the writer wrote… ✌
I just got another Patron on my Patreon and it is so empowering to have your support, I am truly grateful! 😍
If you have not checked out my Patreon yet, would you take a minute to do so? It’s super easy to sign up and you can cancel anytime!
If you have been a fan of my writing and this blog, your support would mean a great deal to me! You can show your support by subscribing and I also give my Patrons priority (you can private message me there and I will respond)! ❤️
Thank you for allowing me to push my boundaries and grow as a writer! Thank you for believing in me! ❤️❤️❤️
Hi y’all. For the first time ever I’m starting to share War Stories on my Tuners radio channel and the thread got a reply from Alexander Ebert!!! This might be the first time I’ve ever heard a guy say they want to hear my poetry, and it’s coming from my muse, stop the fucking press! 🤓 I was actually worried that it would be boring and a waste of time to share war stories, and maybe not the right time even but then I got a response from Alex and his reply is just amazing! I’ll have to scramble up my war poems but now I’m inspired to write an even better one. Talking about war is not something I normally do, but I’m starting to open up and share more on my Tuners so be sure you follow and tune in! It’s free to listen and use (you can even use it anonymously). I hope you give it a listen!
Sharing war stories of OEF/OIF on Tuners Radio, listen free here
Hi! Just a quick message to let you know I’ve shared my top 9 posts of 2019, as loved by you, on my Instagram, in my Instagram story, if you’d like a chance to see them! They definitely were highlights of the year, if not my life!!! I’m glad they made my top 9, although one was certainly shocking. You can check out my Instagram here, and I’ve highlighted the story, so it should remain in a thread after the story ends in 24 hours. The story can be accessed where my avatar is, if you are unfamiliar with how Insta stories work. Thanks for all the love y’all in 2019! If you’d like to be part of it for 2020, come give me a follow, no pressure though!
Thank you so much for making 2019 an incredible year for writing. I know there have been bumps and bruises, as such with life, but I am grateful for your visits, for your follows, for your feedback, and for you encouraging me to continue writing! Back in January this year my blog was at 5K, and my goal was to try to get to 10K by the end of the year! My blog just hit 35,000 visits, I am astound! Goal achieved and surpassed! My blog is also nearing over 14,000 visitors, that’s incredible! It still amazes me that I have people that visit my blog and read my poetry!! THANK YOU for giving my life meaning! I have grown as a person so much this year! I am still reflecting back on all the ups and downs and renewing my energy for 2020. I hope to see you in the new year. I wish you all the very best! Happy holidays! xxoo @POEETERNAL
P.S. I am on Instagram and Twitter under my pen POEETERNAL if you’d like to give me a follow. It’s pretty much the only social media networks I regularly visit. Though I am still a ghost on other platforms, I rarely use them.
Sometime in January of this year I realized my blog was at 5k and it struck a fire in me to start writing more. I figured it would take until the end of the year to even reach 10K but that was my new goal for the year. Writing is therapeutic for me and so I started nurturing my blog by writing more, and nearly on a daily basis this entire year. I kept writing because you kept reading. And here we are now and my blog is a few hundred hits away from 35,000 worldwide views. Incredible. Having 10K visits to my blog is such an achievement for me and for someone who writes poetry which is a hard field to get noticed in. Just ask Edgar Allan Poe. I am grateful for my readers. I can’t make any promises on what 2020 will bring, but I can say you made my 2019 very fulfilling. And even though there have been a few bumps along the way, I hope to go into 2020 with an open heart. And so if I have wronged you, I ask for your forgiveness. And if you have wronged me, I forgive you. Happy holidays and Friday the 13th and last Full Moon of the year. Sending you positive energy, and good vibes along the wire. I love all of yous.
Friday the 13th means pizza, chips, soda and free movie on Vudu kind of day… But it’s also a full moon and I feel like dancing…Which I’m definitely going to need to do after eating a large cheese pizza, no judgment xoxoI hope there are no hard feelings, I am learning to “let go”. “My enemies are turning into my teachers”All my love, always xxx
PoeEternal 