Alienation

I’m depressed and understand they won’t. People say they do up until they walk away and don’t.

People say my soul is beautiful up until it isn’t. It mattered in the moment but upon the next hour it simply didn’t.

© Delia Ross. 2020

I’m depressed, moody, withdrawn, emotionally detached, unavailable in every capacity. People swear they get it up until they’re screaming profanities at me for how evil I am for not giving them my time (or love for that matter). I am a fallen angel and a creature of the underground, I’m not capable of love. But a monster I am not. Just simply void and numb. Sorry not sorry. SURVIVAL MODE

What does all this mean? Depression means I’m incapable of forming attachments. Or joy. Writing is my only escape. It was my escape when I was a little girl and couldn’t escape all the abuse. I wrote poetry in between classes at school. On the bus. On the toilet. And guess what? I still do. Only now I’m sharing this part of me WITH YOU. But I lose friendships and followers because I’m unable to maintain communication right now. I keep telling people I’m depressed and suicidal but it’s like wind over the ears. They still need me to provide a service for them. I cannot. I barely can brush my teeth on some days. This is not me you’re meeting but some ruined version of what I might have could of been… (and yes under all the suicidal ideation I am gentle and loving and worth saving). So bye.

“Just another lost angel”…

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12 thoughts on “Alienation

  1. Hi. Thank you for sharing my work Jude! I’m trying to reblog this via the reblog button from 2 different devices (your actual post, not this ping) but it isn’t working wahhhhh! It could be user error but could you please just check your settings!?!

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  2. I figured out how to reblog it! Followed & shared! It seems like a really cool writing project! I hope you get some follows & traffic! Thank you for featuring me in your first blog post!! ❤❤❤

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  3. I’m really glad to hear that! I always worry more about those types of poems I publish due to the sensitive nature of them so I’m glad they are getting some positive feedback! Thank you for this!!

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  4. I’ve missed some of your posts. I’m sorry. This one is another that resonated with me. Depression is so real. I deal with it. More, lately, than every before. It is different for each person who bears it’s cross. But it can be so debilitating. Thank you for always sharing yourself with such raw vulnerability. Please don’t stop. Please continue to be you. For always. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

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