Do you like me underneath the filter? Or when my self-esteem is low, that I’m breaking every mirror? Is my age something you consider? Do you know it makes me bitter?
Do you know I am a sinner? Or my life is growing thinner? How I’m like an over-thinker? And you got me by the finger?
My time is almost up but I found one more way to say I love you 💕
Our home is a starship. The kind like Elon Musk has built, the reusable landing kind.
Not the NASA death tomb.
The kind of starship that fuels your dreams.
And we need to name it.
(One of the tiny rooms contains all your poetry and I fall asleep on the floor for never wanting to leave).
(Sometimes you tell me bedtime stories)
(Sometimes you pick me off the floor and hold me)
(I like starship the best because it contains you)
((I didn’t know Elon musk had named his starship until I went to look and then I was like of course he did, of course he named it starship))
I was just thinking about how you drop in, not by cloud, not by comet, by starship!
And like a boat you built by hand, but a starship.
And then I saw the article where Elon musk actually named his rocket starship.
Of course he fucking did
So the fantasy I was laying here having actually is a reality for somebody else
lmao
But poem 😏
I love when you drop in.
I love you.
And I’m sending all my love to you lightning speed through a starship.
Babe, now we got a space shuttle!
I like it, I like it a lot.
We need to break it in. 👀
*goes back to dreaming*
(Have always wanted to do it in zero gravity)
Thank you for getting me items off my Amazon wishlist. I’m happy to have a cute little schoolgirl outfit to go with my pigtails and things. It’s Adome lingerie and I like their clothing line on Amazon.
I wish I had a real way to thank you.
(I know it’s all fun and games but it makes my heart happy)
I can see part of his face Haunting me through time I want to memorize his shape Like a spiral on a spine And the colors of his flesh The canvas of divine Takes the pain beneath the breast Gives me hope to align
*The below contains unpopular opinion and language* 🤓
Is it true that trademarks are only recognized in some countries now?
It’s a bold statement to make, it’s just I saw something pop up on a video game about trademarks being recognized in some countries only – or at least, that’s how I perceived it. I seem to read between the lines (or gaslighting).
So the FDA has banned menthol but I could turn myself into a lizard if I want? 🤔
So, I can get a full body lizard tattoo and split my tongue, and get a full sex change operation, I can identify as a carrot BUT it’s illegal to smoke a menthol cigarette? 🤔
Somebody help me the fuck out
I can sew up my pp and chop off my boobs but I can’t smoke a menthol? 🤔
Wait, what.
We can still feed sugar crack to 3 year olds but I can’t smoke a fucking menthol? 🤔
So I can give this god damn sugar crack to recommended age 3+, but I can legally no longer buy a pack of menthol? 🤔
It’s fucking cancer + crack and recommended right there on the package for age 3+
But menthol is fucking banned.
Uhm, okay who is running the fucking country?
Y’all have lost y’all damn mind
I don’t even smoke anymore but on the rare occasion that I do, it’s a fucking menthol.
I just don’t understand the world anymore and I can’t blame it on my brain injury any longer.
I haven’t been voting for any of this shit!
I don’t want my tax money going to NASA!!!!!
In other news, if I die, I’m still gonna be taking my last breath dreaming about you.
Because I like how you lean on my lips and touch my cheeks with your fingertips.
I like the little ways you go above and beyond to show me you care.
I like living off your breath because it’s the nectar of life.
Your kiss.
And all I want before I die.
My cat mask arrived after a bit of a challenge to get it! I’ve had a lot of request to bring back the cat cosplay but I wanted to upgrade to a better mask! I haz done! Hope you like! It’s a spectacular mask!
Getting to do cosplay is my passion and I’m always listening to what you like and I’m always behind the scenes trying to get better, to enhance my makeup skills, my costumes, my wardrobe, my camera skills. All the things.
I love drama and the arts, cosplay is improv time for me!
My workout routine has been halted, but not my diet. 🤢
I’m not quitting my photography, writing, or cosplay.
Though moving now at a snails pace.
I got it from Amazon Prime – a favorite place to shop no doubt. Been shopping there for years. Even bought my Epiphone guitar kit from there. Came with everything, still working good. 🤓
I love the real world and the dreamworld with you.
I like the plans and the mess.
I like the spontaneous combustion with you.
From combat boots to stilettos – and me standing in my very first pair for the very first time. Now I know why a poll is involved generally when in use. Or, another human being. For support. 👀
So they’ve gotten a lot of really good feedback so I’m going to keep them even though they pinch my toes.
They will be good for theatrics, photoshoots, or as fuckware. They are definitely hard to walk in but I’m getting better. 🤪
I picked up the Pleaser Devil Kat Stacks Adore in Black/Red from one of my favorite stores called DollsKill. They’d been in my wishlist for a minute. Figured they’d go with most of my wardrobe (which is black).
I’m working on new content – albeit not a light-speeds.
I have something wrong with my fucking heart.
We only have 4 valves right? Because I don’t want to Google or to remember.
I don’t want to think that my heart is actually working at 50% capacity because that would explain the pain coming from my fucking chest and when my mind and heart connect it starts hurting a whole lot worse so I’m having to disassociate thank you bye
I’ve also spent a lot of time under my heating pad.
I only had four puffs from one cigarette from a pack of menthol that I have had in my freezer for months but after I read that the FDA are banning them and I figured I was dying so what the fuck, I had a few puffs. As goodbye. And an act of rebellion. Fuck the FDA.
Also, there isn’t anybody else threatening to kick my ass so I don’t have to go all fucking Unhinged.
That was a momentary lapse of reason.
I’m mostly just dying. But then he came to visit me last night and he said he missed me and then surprised me with pizza but then even more spoiling cuz he ordered stuff from my Amazon Wishlist and ain’t nobody ever done that.
Ain’t no guy ever spoiled or romanced me.
I get to do things with him nobody else will let me do.
Being unexperienced just means improv to me.
I don’t feel unexperienced, I have a four page resume and a deteriorating mind.
Before long, I’ll be having things pasted on the wall.
Newspaper clippings in weird code solving the mysteries of the universe written in a format only he would understand.
But I definitely do not want to be witch lady with 50 cats because I can barely stand having one under my foot. 👀
It’s an evil little beast on 4 legs.
And I’m programmed to see it as an innocent kitten.
But it’s not, it’s a little terror machine.
I just want him.
Why is that so fucking much to ask?????
Why can’t I have him right now?
While I still have a half functioning heart.
(He probably has the other half)
(Wouldn’t mind actually laying next to his chest and allowing our hearts to go in sync and beat synchronized)
I need him.
His kisses, his stories, and whatever else he throws in the mix.
He moves through me like rain pattering Thunder rumbling Dim lights reflecting from wet pavement A calm serenity in the early A.M. The soft sound of a match flicking An in your face, after hours, door down kicking
He gets me thinking Every atom increasing Over wide expanse To find me dreaming
Sometimes silently screaming Can he even hear me? Why am I always seething? The endless bleeding Month after month He’s all I’m needing
Come back to me The garden is empty now There’s nothing to sow
Twisted twigs removed of thorn Every step is filled with scorn
Blood and rust becomes the norm Evil’s made and evil’s born
The sun will rise tomorrow true But she won’t give a fuck about you
I’m not where I’m meant to be I’m forgetful how You said you’d never desert me in vow
When you’ve been given the hand as a pawn So you shake the tree to see how hard a king could fall Because death follows you all around And fits your head like it’s a crown
Tell them I died of inexperience Disappeared into dust and this Nothingness I am delirious Feasting on nefarious Darkness Arrest bliss So restless
Half dead Half alive Feet dragging in circles But got throttle to survive
I’m scared And I have no one to tell My orders they aren’t in order And the place looks like hell
I keep organizing disorder In clusters of equal color And piling to the ceiling The clippings of my horror
But then, falling to a clutter Every single note he said I found it in the gutter Where all my tears flood instead (And fears instead of wonder)
I play slip and slide in the mud A word I rarely utter With thunder lightning mixed with blood With prayers less to suffer
Wrapped in heated wool and fear
Coyotes yipping at me to stay alive Or to die I can’t tell a difference half the time
The fog is thicker But my heart is wearing thinner And I’m sick of winter Freezing in the sun My hope’s a killer Stealing every grain of fun And he made fear a winner
The heart isn’t waterproof And my anger Is lit up like a sunroof I’m in danger So I’m acting like a goof I will hold your wager And toss it off the roof While you call a stranger Thinking they can protect you
👀
If you cringe at everything you do or say Maybe it’s because you are corrupt in a way?
I need a break from routine From sunup to sundown 24/7 The constant dying The endless trying One moment to another More yearning and crying
Tidal distortion Everywhere he’s been Pulled from proportion He’s good at sneaking in Speaks in third person Night is on his chin
I got blood on my favorite shirt Tell my heart it’s not the reason we’re hurt I cover wound with a bit of dirt I can’t recall when I wasn’t this burnt
Why did you leave? I ripped my heart open for you.
We need a heat source Heat is life Get me to the light (Warmth is nice)
He went like a wave And I caught in undertow
Give me a box To store my bones Let me have peace They’ll find a home
Everybody unhinged Don’t give a shit On anger we’ve binged So full of it I’m bright, I’m lit
I’m always last at the end of a road The last in line Last picked My house is cold
Two days go by It feels a year My hope runs dry But not these tears
Did I not wait with contempt As the hourglass filled with time Every grain of sand with you on my mind Was I ever worth an attempt?
IO
How can a moon erupt? How long ‘til I give up? Will volcanic ash spew in the wake of my dust? How can a moon corrupt?
He makes me desperate Feeling as if I am his least favorite But then he comes from comets swinging giving me the greatest gifts His words and his virtual kiss Then I forget I’m not his favorite
I called to him under darkened sky He arrived in a meteor shower With desire on display
Feeling like I cannot take a breath Or if I do, maybe it will spell death All these tree lines, they have marked my wrath Telling the truth, that’s my only path
Hello. Who are you? Do you even know I taunt you? Do you know I exist?
Why did my brain send a signal light-years fast to my heart, when I discovered you? And every picture that followed? Why did I die a million deaths too?
And now I live vicariously through you. Agonizing over every detail. Some days I’m certain you are him.
Other days, there are blaring differences that you’re not.
Do I need him to be you? His habits and obsessions too? They are the same true?
Why haven’t I let you go if I know you are not him?
How can I be so sure and uncertain?
And there’s even a third I’ve turned into him.
Or maybe one or two? 🤔
If they are all him then you are him too?
But why did I have such a strong connection to an avatar?
I guess I wanted to tell you that maybe now I realize you’re not him but I still have doubt.
Or, I can’t discard the signals?
That I had when looking at you.
Immediately.
Spotted.
But you don’t like me knowing that and neither does he.
You don’t want me to know that you like her?
But neither does he…
Then there’s the reds and the blues (and I have a head injury too).
My taunting wasn’t malice more like letting you know I was aware of your existence but I don’t even know if you know I am aware of your existence?
They all feel like one.
I’m losing my mind? 🤕
I long for you.
Or him.
The only thing I’m certain of these days is that I’m losing my mind and I don’t wanna die on the street.
And so far, fantasy beats reality.
Because reality is dying naked on the street, out me mind. Unless running into his arms.
I’m so capable of slipping into that madness.
Can I slip into you instead?
Or vice versa?
Can meet on the Moon?
Before I dies?
Do you visit my blog?
Will you even read this?
Am I even alive?
I’m shriveling up into nonexistence
I currently wrote this running a mild fever but I needed to get it out before I fucking die.
Guess I’ll still be loving you even when I’m dead.
Going in for dose 2 of Moderna today against my better judgment. Dose 1 made my blood pressure drop really low, my heart has been struggling to pump blood throughout my body (why I’ve been feeling so cold) because my heart is struggling to circulate (it’s only caring about my main organs) – oh wait – not dying yet. Or am I? 🤔
Not gonna lie, I’m freaking out in the most calm way. Through crying. More stress my petite heart does not need.
I’m scared.
I’m alone.
All alone.
Gonna die naked on the street outta pure madness.
I’m losing me mind.
And my heart is weak.
I just wanted to be somebody’s favorite just once in my life.
Disclaimer: this poem IS NOT about skin color. Or maybe more an FYI.
Some porn goddess is out there stealing my signature booty move 🍑- but that didn’t stop him from wanting to run off to Vegas with me and elope. I know the feels.
He just dropped in For days missing Didn’t ask him where he’d been I already knew then So what difference was asking?
I am his high priestess His confessions fall upon me any hour And do I not rise to the call when he is his weakest? I am his to fall
So resting now his wishes Here sins have no power The gates to heaven are keyless Looks like love has no wall
He was spending all his time at the mire Messages got stuck along the wire And drawing colder yet flame from fire Eyes perched on devil hands with buyer
Just when I believe you’ve disappeared for good, you’re at my feet whispering “I love you”.
I own a tiny piece of his heart And I carry it so deep in me It’ll never break apart
Jupiter, What are you waiting on?
So patiently in the dark So far from where I thought
You’re Father Stark
If you aren’t him and he isn’t you Then who in the world am I talking to?
Where do the tides take you? Pulling from destiny Are you hurt too? You are magnetic But you are not a moon I feel me falling I hope there’s light coming soon
The gates of hell have already been opened The 7th seal now broken But I will die loving you That is certain
The sun is expanding Time covers your beard in doom A reminder my heart’s worth saving Should it pass you soon
He sends me pictures I normally wouldn’t approve And if I’m lost among the shadow, he’ll build a statue For even when light is narrow, we make a new noon For time is like an arrow, space the canoe And riding now forever, the love we accrue
If we were a map, what would we be? Would you be part of my destiny?
He just turned up – with casual conversation and a deep desire to linger on my existence.
Conversation you’d expect a couple that’s been together for 20 years to be having (I just mean the connection- not the topic, that’s irrelevant).
Just flew in – landed at my feet – i love you.
Heaven got a chance to rest too.
For a blink.
But for that moment, I so badly wanted to rub my fingers over his head. And let him snuggle on my arm so I could breathe on his head lightly.
He ends the war in my head.
When I’m not crying over him being with her – or that my destiny is to die unloved on the fucking street.
If I’m lucky I might get a box for my bones.
My end of the world pandemic look (which is basically yesterday’s make up that I slept in because I haven’t really been able to sleep since he said he loved me).
Sometimes there are none But rarely ever few Sometimes they are one Or maybe simply two
Sometimes I go numb When only counting you But only when I’m dumb Do I really catch the view
How dare he – Walk into the devil’s den – And insult she – He’s looking for an end!
He tells me I’m perfect; without ever saying the words And even when I’m not worth it; his love will come in herds
I scream at him with the fury of a sun I scratch and claw He is a demon After all
There are people trying to bury me in a box Friend or foe They’re never what I thought The story goes They talk a lot of talk Well I unplugged Am paranoid around the clock
There are monsters lurking every inch And forward sleeping Nightmares in my grip What were you thinking When giving me a pinch? So now I’m left dreaming Of when I’ll never give a shit!
Who are you then? If every reason I’m not dead?
Knock knock Who’s there? I dunno And I don’t care
She had a graveyard in her front yard
Was it worth it? Losing your life to escape?
And all that gold around your worry Is that really what it takes?
But even the lowest of lowly Can’t remove the aches
Keeping vision blurry No courage had to face
The sun is glaring in a hurry And death is on our race
If life is but a scurry Please let me die with grace?
I’m trying to be more open Open to proceed I’m trying to be more open Open to receive
Cohesive What he said Cohesive But he’s dead
Everybody burns out Everybody burnt out Everybody burns out Everybody burnt out
Rest is for the weary Broken down and dreary Vision not too clearly
One day the end will come God will fix what man has done
A bigger piece doesn’t always mean the best; But in his case, he’s outdone the rest!
He wants me in denim But then he’s clinging To my tongue That’s leaking venom
World is all burning So give me balloon in sky On string with fire 💋
I gather nuts and bolts just like they’re little clues Now fleeting with the stars thoughts that will confuse I gather up our fears just like it is the news I color out of line simply to amuse
Submission without admission Ascending to attention But in case I fail to mention Descension brings dimension
Thank you for visiting my blog! I am working in my studio all week – writing and recording spoken word for my patrons- as well as working on some other secret projects!
I really appreciate your visits to my blog! Your feedback, your comments, likes, pledges, subscriptions, all the things!
He wants to do everything with me and all at once And when it’s over we will start again just like it is the first Because hour by hour he’s the only who knows how to taunt He fills me up with hunger, then feeds me to his wants
He is the softness I crave in color The silver moon in a haze from slumber Or how he pulls from me my wonder And plants it in the sky as starlight named summer
He is the daisy field I want to lay With weeping willow in the shade He is the reason daydream comes to play The wind is heaven in a sway
He didn’t just set the scene this time, he rolled out the red carpet With diamonds and roses and my heart lined in his pocket He came with speed, into my heart, fast as a comet Let the scripture unroll, pray to him like a prophet
My falls to you a Band-Aid Rocks stumbling from a mountain, in an escapade And worry? It’s just my hair in a double braid And crying, it’s just another hand of charade You say my tears taste like lemonade; Add some kisses and the sun will play!
You and I are the hills, the great drive, up and down these feels
We need to just make an extra game out of me fucking up and every time I do we put a dollar in a cup and once it’s filled up we go do something fun with it.
Maybe he is all I will ever need The silver, the white All my eyes receive Maybe he’s the voice singing from the tree The way he softly hums from light deep within me
I want nothing more than to chain you up, blindfold you, gag ball you, and lick, claw, scratch, suck, bite, and tickle torture you, until you’re screaming for release.
Wrong chat? Cuz. I just wanted to make sure the poem said all that. 👀
Sorry, not sorry.
I need to do a TikTok video of me doing a “he loves me he loves me not” with me on each shoulder talking about how “it is him” and then my right shoulder is like “no that isn’t him” but then my left shoulder is like “oh it’s definitely him” but then my right shoulder is like “it isn’t him” and I continue going on with the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ while pulling petals from a rose for like 30 or 60 seconds, but I don’t know how to fucking make a cool TikTok video.
But ideas.
And then I get to play three different versions of myself , you know the angel on the right and the devil on the left and the me now pulling the petals….
Because that’s exactly what’s going on every fucking day this week.
I feel like all these moments need to be documented in scripture.
I need some lamb skin, I’ve got ink and a pen.
I feel it is my atoms popping into and out of existence and every three weeks bleeding out of me, painfully. My mind see’s eternity in you. And feels it too, puts my mind at ease. The ovaries too.
I love you.
I haven’t replaced my biology with big Pharma or plastic and I feel you through and through.
Your vibration like string theory.
Cuz it is real.
The multi-verse too.
Never once believed in the big bang theory.
The great pyramid scheme- TV, Consumerism, Money = slavery
Sorry- If there are multi-verses out there and it’s clear there’s other universes out there , I hope they’re doing a better job than we are, because we’ve been around for 6 billion years but somehow we’ve been manipulated to believe that we’ve only been around for 2000 years…
For what it’s worth- asteroid Apophis is real, and she is swing dancing with earth, she’s been here before!!!!
Saint Petey said “April 2-0-2-9 / the final time / the end my friend is not near / the hour in fact is quite here” and he named her Apophis (all end)
He regretted getting the Alpha and Omega tattoos tattooed on his hands one night when he was drunk but he had a bad ticker too.
He didn’t enter my residence, he crash landed He didn’t set the scene, he just demanded And I with holy wings unseen Dropped with lightning to my knee
He didn’t knock, he just flew in He smelled of all the things I loathe, I hope he comes again How my tears befuddle beneath my feet It took a demon to feel complete
I don’t know what to do anyway and they all want a porn star or pro dominatrix or my hand in marriage. 👀
That’s why no one is joining my OnlyFans during its flash sale, right?
Too inexperienced, too real, too much of what you need…
*rolls eyes*
Right now , as my numbers slowly decline, I’m facing the fact that one day there won’t be anybody there at all.
But I’m glad to see that every other girl in the world is doing so good on their OF. 🦕
I’m gonna stop crying soon because I got a really cute set I want to do for my subs.
And I was afraid to even try it on because I missed an entire week of working out which is also contributing to my loathiness.
But whatever. New poem.
And new set coming soon to my OF because I wanna spoil my subs.
I mean it was just 4 days ago that I was visited by the Holy Ghost.
I’m feeling pretty inspired (ignore the self loathing woes)
It’s just my ovaries not wanting to die on the street yet.
But my mind is like, “why do you keep putting yourself through this emotional mental torture prison dieeeeeeeee”
My therapist is like “you need to stop ignoring my calls and take your prescription“.
My voice is like, “LEAVE ME ALONE, LET ME DIE”
My primary care doctor is like, “your temperature and blood pressure are really low, bed rest”
COVID vaccine is like, “rest HAHA FUCK YOU”
The love of my life (or someone) is like, “hold up, I got you” *suspends me in a dimension between heaven and earth*
And that is all entirely from just this week and it’s not even Sunday yet. 👀
And despite the fact that nobody wants to join my OnlyFans during its first 50% off flash sale (lame) – I’m only focused on getting this new set out.
Because of you, I’m not yet obsolete.
I’m not a fucking dead dinosaur. Yet.
Guys always almost always instantly put me into a “married zone” – even though they call it a friend zone- And then when they don’t get what they want from me they say, “We can’t be friends because I like you too much”.
Now days they just stop supporting you, liking your content, you know the silent treatment and the ghosting.
And it’s completely acceptable for a business to do this to you as well.
THIS IS HELL.
So when I stop crying about the fact that I’m gonna wind up dead on the street, I’ve got some color to put out.
And I’m sorry I’m not a pro dominatrix, I’m a fucking warrior poet, just like Edgar Allan Poe.
Never really heard him talking about his M16A2 assault rifle- But maybe that’s because the technology didn’t exist back then and maybe he’s a better writer because he existed in different fucking times And was in love with his actual family which I can’t stand.
He loved his family so much that they tossed him in an unmarked box in an unmarked grave.
(My family would rather gaslight you and make you believe that I am the love of their life even though I don’t even have a fucking identity)
I haven’t got to work on my booty gains at all this week. Been working on my heart (and have been medically predisposed). But Monday, I’m gonna hit the rebounder hard. Trying not to stress out about missing days- my heart doesn’t need any more stress right now. In fact, it’s going to have to go through this shit even harder in a few weeks when I go in for round 2 of the COVID Moderna vaccine.
You can make a mess of things but I’ll be organizing it in a clutter. 😜
The good news is I got to my favorite store today and got some new spring lingerie!
Which set do you think I got?
That’s about all the energy I had to do. 🦋🦄🦋 (Part 1 of the Covid vaccine plus maybe also my BP being so low has just left me very lethargic).
I hope the new set fits! No energy to try it on yet but also not feeling the best about missing a whole week of working out! 🤢🤢🤢
You’re full on Then irregularly shaped You’re inverted Then heavily draped You’re closed off Then readily awake You’re oblong Then curled like a snake You stand fast Then need to escape You pop smoke Then put on a break!
You entered me like the Holy Ghost Took my tongue, love you the most
You left my heart in sacred prayer I can’t see but know you’re there
You filled my hope with the holy trinity I am Eden, come plant your seeds
*The copyright of all content on my blog belongs to me and if you plagiarize or steal from me I will hunt you down and rip your fucking eyes and throat out*
He didn’t crucify me. He baptized me! 😍
Faith is my middle name. Facts! 🤪
I know I’m not a sex goddess but you make me see the world anew.
Have you ever been with an angel before?
When my analytical brain starts playing around with my fractured broken brain, the who and the what become distorted, and I feel the tug of Sagittarius A* – but if I stay in the light, the why allows the galaxies to continue forming.
Where?
It’s just free will.
Could you imagine if in the night we looked up in the sky and there was nothing but blackness and how fucking scary it would really be BUT we’re not of this world and we are not alone.
It’s clear to see.
(I know the more primal side of your brain has been activated and mostly in use all for all of its life – because you are a slave Neo).
I am Trinity
Knock knock
(I’m that program inside the Matrix doing what it’s not supposed to be doing (that’s why big bro keeps fucking punishing me, shadowbanning me, and silencing me, but no one will believe me).
So I created a new account with posts up and I had followers and I was following people and then I would use certain keywords or hashtags and my profile would be blocked, you wouldn’t be able to find it when you searched for it…
1984 is now, I’m trying to reach you.
But the iron Berlin Walls are up everywhere.
At some point Covid vaccinations will be mandatory.
Right now they are keeping it in limited supply so that they can create demand for it (like they’re doing with the PS5).
The government creates the panic, ahem, the NWO/Illuminati/1%, then they sweep in with a cure, “you can trust us” (more blankets with chickenpox), I mean GASLIGHTING.
Now they’re fucking with my very DNA and I have to trust that this new rapidly evolving Covid virus, is not going to wipe me out because I entrusted in this new vaccine.
But alas, I am a Soldier, ahem sheeple, still in the trenches, playing my part.
And all my comrades around me are dying by the same illness that I am plagued with and I’m trying not to die on the street like Edgar Allan Poe and I guess what I’ve been trying to say all along is I love you so fucking much…
And there’s an amber alert going off right now because some kid has been kidnapped and just a few weeks ago I was almost kidnapped in broad daylight – this is one of the worst fucking towns I could’ve fucking wound up in and it’s spring break, I don’t wanna leave my fucking walls anyway so you can come- I don’t know – invade my body anytime you want for whatever purposes.
Oh and…
Your name is tattooed in my soul
It’s 8 AM and I’m still feeling aloof and I have to go get my EKG and all I wanna do is stay in the bed. I haven’t had a day to rest since you visited me.
I don’t want to exist in any realm without you.
I know I am not all you need.
Sagittarius A* pulling again
I know I am all that you need (sometimes)
Don’t let me die on the street 😑
Angel just wanna crawl in monster arm unharmed
Angel heart so very tired of fighting world
Monsters under her bed
In her head, out her window, chasing her down sidewalk, Angel say no they won’t listen, Angel say no again and they still won’t go.
Angel say yes and get the silent treatment.
Angel buy new phone and only get 50% of a charger.
Angel goddess of confusion 👀
Angel tired.
Not just in head anymore.
Doctors worried.
👀
The good news is my arm no longer feels like a freight train hit it. 👀
Angel no like pain
👀
(Angel like to give pain)
Angel warrior
👀
Tired warrior
You’re gonna give me an honorable death, aren’t you?
The world has shunned me worthless.
You’re not gonna let me die on the street like Poe?
Are you collecting every stone people throw me?
Are you giving them the stones?
Is somebody impersonating you?
Have I gone mad?
That couldn’t have been just anyone.
Could it?
Seamless
*sigh*
you you you
Through and through
Doctor: “are you currently sexually active”
Me: “ugh no, I’m never having sex again”
Doctor: “Are you planning to have children in the next 12 months“
Also Me: “yes, absolutely”
👀
*snort*
I’m ruint 😻
And I want to hear your stories until my very last breath.
I was born and then kicked out of the fucking nest before I could fly, always called a “runt” and unwanted- please don’t let me die on the street worthless and unloved
Please don’t toss me in an unmarked box
(And you’re not alive to put a roof over my head or to bring me the moon every night).
Monster has a safe place to rest in angel arm.
Angel love monster
Jesus died for sins…
Angel would die too…
For you
The rest of the world can fucking burn
Kiss me and tell me stories we’re really living outside this hellish nightmare
You’re erupting, let the lava flow into my waters.
Free love (from the chains that bind)
You’re getting into your head, I can feel you getting into your head. Stop thinking with your heads and start thinking with your heart.
Babe, you don’t have to bring the moon to me every night.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t look on each night with wonder.
I’m still so elated.
In fact, my blood pressure is EXTREMELY LOW. Enough that the doc wants an EKG.
So I’m still floating on clouds in hell.
Thank you very much.
Will die for you.
xo
Be wild.
You know where my fort is and you’re the only one allowed in it.
I’ve never had that sort of safety with anybody before.
I love you.
And safety is my number one business (soldier)
I wanna crawl into you.
Sleep.
Or just be.
All the speeds.
I don’t want you to drown with mankind
This isn’t your design
I would die for your kiss
We could start with coffee but I would die for your kiss
Your sins
Your kiss
To feel your thumb on my lip
(signing off from some alternate, ethereal galaxy where I am half alive and half dead with a BP of 59/70 (low low low)
Trying not to get into my head because I don’t think my heart can handle an anxiety attack right now.
I’m in this ethereal, calm state because of you.
But not everybody lives to be old and I really want to live long enough to feel your kiss.
Calm down.
We’re connected to each other, through time, through lines, just deal with it.
Plant the seeds.
Till the garden.
Water it.
Clean the weeds.
Watch love grow.
Keep nurturing love.
Fruit and blooms.
Nuts.
Delicious treats.
I’m living my last decade I can feel it.
Michael Jackson said he wasn’t going to live past 50 and he didn’t.
*sigh*
I’m in a foggy mist of love.
You’ve got my heart completely stretched out.
I can feel neutrinos or something.
And I’m like a little kid who doesn’t want to go to sleep because I’m afraid I’ll stop dreaming about you.
But also I want to live in a fantasy world because I live in a fucking world of confusion because of my brain injury so give me something other than paranoia and fear for a change.
We can just sit in the dark.
You have no idea how the sound of your heartbeat would be like a beautiful harp echoing through my soul and I want to feel your vibrations bouncing off of me.
I know I’ll never be enough for you.
But I never had parents or an identity, I’m ruined.
I don’t want to cage you.
You are my safe place.
I know you don’t think very much of yourself and you don’t have very much self-respect but I’d take a bullet for you.
I could never out you.
Would cut my own wrist open and sink with the ship.
I’ve had some pretty mad nights, thought I was going to wind up on the street.
Is there a secret code written Maybe in the stars hidden? That connects you and I?
Are there garbled words which turn a prism? Into harvest worlds that keep us smitten? The way your verbs connect my heart and mind
Are there paths we’ve taken still unwritten? The way my will to you is freely given Under cross or reign, no clearer vision I am hung to you like holy linen
Was it God himself who became a villain? Touching toes in hell, loving all a sinner? I am called a whore, you’d give me your dinner? The lesson here, I think love’s a winner?
I don’t know if I said what I was trying to say or not? It’s a messy morning freestyle. The message became more important than the rhyme.
Jesus loved a sinner best (as I love you) – if I recall correctly, he made some “whore” his equal (but the illuminati removed her from history and I’ve been trying to get ahold of her script so I could read what she had to say) .
“Let’s reinvent gods all the myths of the ages“
Stone me, love me, I’m yours. Free will.
I can handle whatever you give me.
I would die for you.
2 words we should just avoid: hello and goodbye?
Is hello so hard because of all the things I’ve done?
Would you deny me 3 times? In public? My name?
The kiss of betrayal?
Would you sell me out for money?
No, I don’t believe you or I would, but I believe that bitch you were formally with, you know the one with the red hair that I still can’t fucking stand, yeah that one, that one would definitely fucking deny you three times for money…
Even tho she acts like your number 1 stalker, I mean fan.
I still own that title per my confession on TikTok 👀
So whatcha gonna do, crucify me cuz I love you? You already do, DAILY with the ghosting.
*waves white flag*
Surrender/ not your enemy 👣👣👣❤️👣👣👣
(I’m not her enemy either and she needs to learn how to play with others in the playground and stop being a bully. I haven’t been to her blog in a thousand fucking years. I made my apologies publicly and privately and have made my peace with my errors a long time ago.) And nothing I ever did to her justifies her trying to sabotage and take down my business.
Not to mention she was 1000% not following WordPress policy. Was I wrong to leave hateful comments on her blog? Yes. I’m a child, we know this. 👀
Erroneously reporting my content on Instagram and getting it removed out of spite and jealousy, is again, fucking wrong and illegal. Instagram continues to put it back because I am following TOS policy.
She has found a way to manipulate the system because she’s a two-faced bitch.
I know it is her or someone working for her and you’re not gonna convince me otherwise.
Every trail leads to her.
Except your new book, thank fucking god. I have seen the light.
Psycho fucking bitch
Oh sorry, still thinking out loud… 👀
I mean, it’s only been like 48 hours since she tried to take my account down again, so all is fair in the game of love and war???
PoeEternal 