He watches me
The way time moves over my feet
My doors opening and closing
Peering into the window of all I am exposing
Playing tug-of-war with hearts decomposing
My third eye all-knowing
He watches you
Catching me in view
And what we do
We’re split in truth
Well, who knew?
I guess he loves me too 💕
To be honest, I’m still a tiny microorganism. Compared to my love for you. Like all the dark matter in the universe, it just grew. Space equals truth. 💕
I love you. I hate you tug-of-war
I’m staying. I’m leaving tug-of-war
I’m empty. You’re in me tug-of-war
I’m pulling. You’re tugging tug-of-war
I’m sorry I’m mean to you. I don’t want to cry anymore. Don’t retaliate. 😭😭😭
You hold me on your back the way earth holds all creation Changing earthquakes to calm lakes Sunrise to reason I’m freestyling steps while doubling the stakes Love is cold but still in season Dancing over simmering aches You’re stepping over treason Bleeding to stay awake Though love is like a beacon I’m all in- whatever it takes Because you’re all I’m ever needing
Tell me, are you all in? Fold? If it keeps on raining/ the levee’s going to break 🎵🎶🎵If it keeps on raining/ the levee’s going to break 🎵🎶🎵Holding onto youth with all that I am. A pure soul. No greys yet!!!! You gonna raise yer bet????
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Not only does he listen I got him by the teeth And in his world I glisten While dancing on his feet
His love has no conditions So solid like concrete It seems his only mission Is loving me complete
Walking tightropes Over every word wrote Using lines to balance Darkness and failed hope Taking steps to fall But then don’t He pushes me across the wire His back gropes The world crying I’m a joke But he won’t
He is a cosmic jewel Longing felt under moon A hope or two A dream in blue
Earthly views The perfect muse The love I choose Someone I can’t refuse
Uhm, is anyone sick of my rhyme yet? Did anyone notice that within a blink my blog reached nearly 10K more views? Nearly 10,000 more visits HERE to read my blog! We’re nearing 60K! 😍
Got my enemies watching with a telescope- they say they hate me but you know I’m dope! 😍
Me no filter, worry lines, messy makeups, freckles, no bullshit. I smoke on the occasion. Should I buzz my side again? Might go have a smoke now. Think I still got the same pack I found months ago in the freezer. The Army taught me to ration and I’ve been poor lmao. Finding an entire, near full pack of Newport menthol was definitely a sign from heaven. Or hell? 🤔
Opened up my eyes, had a follow request, saw a post on binary code, and wallah. Poem. I apparently still love him in between the endless BLOCKING and UNBLOCKING that I do. I’m sorrys! 😭
I’m dying for his touch. Don’t even really know who he is, I just know he’s my entire fucking world and existence.
And I need him so much my mind will turn complete strangers into him.
Just because I can’t see him doesn’t mean he’s not around.
Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean I’m not being followed.
(Do you reckon Edgar Allan Poe ran off of any of his wives suitors with a shotgun? I mean, he wasn’t very popular. The local press even stopped publishing his work. He went from a respected officer in the military, to poor, dead, and naked on the street and possibly poisoned, and heartbrokes).
I don’t want to die heartbrokes. Helps. 😭
Sometimes I run off your suitors with my mouth. 😭
Psst did you know my love keeps growing for you? I am a deep, wide ocean. Keep swimming. I’m yours, forevermore. xoxo (times infinity^2)
Staring up from down below Heaven fell further than I know The wind gets cold Like regret growing old With a heart of stone Set in gold Or hearing whispers “I told you so” Where are angel’s not to go? God told me to love him whole The sinner yes so I tread his road Ready to take on intruders, I’m bold He says friend, I say foe There’s complications in the fold Missings cards like hands, I need him though Dropping SOS’s where his feet have strolled Sights to behold Or heartaches sold
To be honest, I just wanted to keep going with this rhyme flow. I gotta stop putting on the breaks. I’m feeling pages, can you roll?
Moonstone if you’ve ever wondered. I wrote an essay in college once on the healing properties and energetic properties of stone and blew my professor away. I’m going to get back into to meditation sessions soon. Just trying to find my self-esteem and what’s left of my pride after my last nuclear meltdown. I’m radioactive. And collapsing in on myself.
This goes without saying but, I get insanely jealous of the attention he gives other girls. Like black jealousy. And my doctors at the VA don’t understand this kind of love or obsession. They don’t even understand why I’m scared of asteroid Apophis. Whatever. You can’t cure these things. Love is the only acceptable remedy. He just needs to kiss me. Shimples.
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally!
Not today and probably not tomorrow either. Jesus himself could try to teach me the lesson of forgiveness but God literally made me incapable of learning it. I’m an angel. I am meant to send demons to hell. And I’m an ACTUAL warrior, highly and sufficiently trained by the United States Army for 15 years. Even been to combat, have seen war. Broken in more ways than one, but never my integrity. Not my honor. Not my pride for the sacrifices, I’ve done for my country.You can’t fucking break me, the Army already did. And I’m going to survive this apocalypse without you. Enjoy your proverbial bed. 😊
I cringe at socialites. Just not my thing. And that’s okay. Introverts deserve recognition too.
I barely can handle family events which is why I pretty much don’t do them anymore either.
2 am snapchat version me (and 48 hours no sleep, yay insomnia)!!!
And to the ones who give me space to do my work without any bullshit involved, thank you. I’ve said this like a thousand times before, but I am a war vet and I am not a social creature. You shouldn’t base how much I like you, on how often I come around. But there’s also certain platforms that I have gotten off of, for the most part like Facebook, because it’s toxic as fuck. I had stayed on the Instagram and Twitter but I’m kind of falling off the Twitter now too.
You’ll notice I’ve never had a contact box on my blog. I don’t participate in prompts. I’m currently not doing collabs. I’m not good with communicating anymore either. I don’t do social events, I don’t do social outings. I don’t people. I don’t even like knocks at my door or phone calls. I have disabilities and health issues that keep me isolated. But I still have to kill off friendships because they get mad at me for not wanting to go hang out at a bar. I don’t even drink. 👎👎
You can bribe me with food though at any point in the day. Be extra careful though at midnight because that’s when I’m the hungriest and turn into a gremlin if I DON’T EAT.
On the upside, I am considering adding a limited number video chat tier to my Patreon, as many writers and artists offer it. Can discuss anything, writing, read me something you’re working on, chat about the weather, get writing tips, get feedback on a project you’re working on. Whatever! Regular stuffs that these video chats are for (the non sex work stuff)!
I’m also wanting to add a print tier (which is coming hopefully within the next 60 days) and if I could get enough support rolling in, a cosplay nude tier. Costumes, makeup, props, equipment, these things require money. I’ll be needing to update my goals on my Patreon soon as I’m growing thanks to your feedback, encouragement, and continued support! ❤💪💪💪❤
I like my privacy and my solitude but you know, there are narcissists out there who give you the cold shoulder for it. I’m not freezing tho. I’ve got shelter. I paid my electric and rent + 9000 other basic cost of living expenses which keep the poor poor. But my feet are warm. I mean, the narcissists tools of manipulation just don’t work on me anymore. Sorry not sorry. Hungry and suicidal. On edge 24/7. Want to be on my own, create art and fuck the patriarchy… Basic 101. Art was always meant to be political. Or rather anarchical and against the norm. HELLO, THAT’S ME!!! *waves*
Insomniac queen
Thanks for checking out my work and supporting independent writers and mental health warriors! 💖
I’m on the Patreon, if you dig my writing and photography or digiart, there’s loads of EXCLUSIVE CONTENT up! You get cool perks for pledging and I get to keep writing and running my blog advert free! I really like writing! I’ve been practicing my art since I was a little girl, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do it professionally! 😍
You are an ocean sterile of courage The damage you forage Using me to build your forest All my love stowed in your storage You’re now a florist An apparition or permanent tourist Loving you will make one poorest Overgrown but rarely nourished Your cold hand is never furnished
Energy can’t be destroyed Iron gates can’t stop what God deployed A toxic giant void Overly paranoid Or just just ignored
They’re all for her Illogical Every single word I observe I’m just a neurotic girl He uses to rise and stir And I concur He wants forever Just in another world
I come But then I’m gone Lost on the run I understand But then I’m dumb I jump But then I’m stunned I speak Then tongue is wrung I won’t compete Unless I’ve won
All you ever care about is the life you built What is it but an island of guilt
You ripple the fabric of time Dropping poems like pebbles But who out there should feel each wave As if were all mine?
My love, I can’t block the fabric of time or my love for you. I’ve tried endlessly to. Cutting out the need like truth. I lie to do.
My love, I smell your fear and read it as silence. And while my hands are small they hold such violence. My light gets lost in your iris. But I would die for this.
Stop using me to bleed Cut you from my feed Amputate the need Your evil seed
Look at me all frail and pale A ghostly figure freckled with fright Look at all the shite I write It’s best if I stay out of sight
I block the channel But can’t stop the feed I numb existence Just not the need
Why do you give out your fruit To awful prey She’s dug a root You’re just her slave
I’ve had just about enough of this bandwagon Exiting stage right quickly to abandon Sick of watching other hearts you stuff and over fatten Meanwhile there’s a spotlight on every fault that’s ever happened
I’ve spent enough time following this circus To simply know this isn’t our purpose But your mask is her clown behind an ugly curtain And you’ll never change, this we know for certain
There’s a thick layer of doubt Enveloped over more doubt Hope is now in drought I’m lost en-route There’s no love about
He’s all beast in cardigan Lying every second if he can All over earth they span His name is man
I’ve got very fine silks growing from my head Still they call me dead
Leave me alone to rot Let hope decay Find my love an empty plot The cost too high to pay
You’re better than a pyramid scheme Riding piggyback over her every broken dream Her methods outdated and obscene She’s a copycat queen
I set myself apart Too many broken feet Trying to compete For the best of me I’m not meat For them to eat But they try and feast In a frenzy Still tied and chained To mistakes yet more they seek Well I’m not weak
You’re better than that wheel of fakery
Not your enemy Not your friend You got empathy Just not my hand
Not your ally Not your wife You got power But still cause strife
Not your favorite Not your worst You got popularity But I’m still first
Why are you still hanging out with that gang? Riding the fake ass gravy train Hopping bandwagon after bandwagon under her name She’s hoping for fame You’re missing your game
He’s got alot of money, he’ll even call you friend But he will only make you feel cheaper in the end He’s got alot of money, but not a spine for him to stand And I’ll kick his ass if he ever comes ’round here again
Safety ever an illusion Tiptoeing over delusion Frozen lakes of confusion This hand is for losin’
He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me with anyone else He doesn’t want me for himself He doesn’t want me
Tell me, when mountains crumble beneath your feet When you’ve got a tongue, but no breath to speak When your knees are trembling and you’ve fallen weak Is it ever me you think you need?
He won’t support me month after month for my work And he’s got more rooms than he can fill I’m tired of even trying When to the world I have no worth
I’m all nerve endings Pockets lined with anxiety
I am pen within pen Leaking under skin Bleeding from within Marching forward Chained to sin Our time is thin
Tell me, Did heaven not swing from eternity to hear you speak? How the stars kneel before you every night just to get a peek Do comets not form from your wishes and pass you by and wink? Clouds they gather from your sighing, they cry so you can drink?
Tell me, Do seas part open their oceans when you feel you’re on the brink? When you feel lost in the open water, did the earth not share her ink? Tell me when you dreamed of love, did she ever look like me? And had you not drank my holy water, would your soul have gone extinct?
Do you recall When you were lost In purgatory of the loss So numb in the dark No light or a spark How much I cared?
If you remember I held your crown I took your cross Through the desert and across All your sins at no costs Though your pain has been shared
If you flush your eyes Stop looking down Where your heart knows holocaust Clear the fog and the frost Find your soul where I’m embossed And stop asking where
If only words were removed from page And hearts were not full of grey I’d lift the sun in such a way Your burdens would just turn to ray And I’d be there with heart to say I love you every single day
There’s a good chance my poetry isn’t beautiful at all but it’s just how he makes me feel. Inadvertently, I mean. Because I am nothing and nothing is for me. 👍
Who am I writing for anymore? To whom do these words belong?? I don’t know if I can distinguish the dream world from the real world anymore.
Neo helps.
Morpheus:
Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
The Matrix
What if you couldn’t distinguish the dream world from the real world?
I mean the only positive news that has come out of 2020 is the fact that the Matrix 4 is coming out and I’m trying to stay alive for that shit (it’s only news that they’re making another one- doesn’t mean the movie is coming out in 2020).
Can you teach me how to not worship you???? Before I go to New Orleans and see a voodoo doctor and start casting spells on you????????? Cuz, I mean, it’s moving up on the to-do-list, FYI.
Fool. I don’t know if you’re my kryptonite or what, but I’d take a fucking bullet for you ( I prefer offense and saving though, that’s what I’m efficiently trained to do).
I literally want to just leap Into Your Existence and wrap my entire body around you in a hug. I don’t think that’s normal response. I’m like a wild fucking animal. You like- turn me into a werewolf on a full moon. Can I ravage you?????
Fuck. I can’t breatheeeeee.
There ain’t a pill in heaven that makes me feel as good as your fucking existence.
Blocking is like putting a fence up for your own protection. So I don’t fucking turn all werewolf on you.
Cuz I do have a little bit of werewolf blood in me too. 🙂
I do stupid shit like howl at the moon- but once you’ve been sleeping in fox holes in a war zone in the middle of the fucking desert in Iraq for months at a time – yeah bitch howl til your heart’s content.
I was all darkness, cold and gas A baby stellar nursery forming with mass But along lit my flame when it was you who came to pass I’d give you every bit of starlight if ever you would ask
I already had a poem with Starlight as the title. Totally forgot about this one. And it’s a good one. I’m getting ready to put a book together of love poems but my god I’ve written so much poetry in the last two years and it is not organized at all- I need your help. I need you to come organize my poetry like Pamela did for Jim Morrison because I’m Morrison’s daughter and just as disorganized poetically. People have even told me I possess a room like Morrison when I walk into it (pre war days). I’m a mess. Helps. 💞
I love you so hard, don’t I baby?
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Picked up a new mask for the cosplay from my patron support (I am not in costume here but this is me)! It’ll be used in upcoming shoots! I’ll be making more photography / digiart that you may use for your own projects! It will be loaded into my campaign as exclusive content! Thanks so much! 💞
Cliffnote: Still apologizing to my love (and enemies) for uprooting his existence and shining my light on his darkness that he’s pulling and sucking every bit of light from me, until you won’t be able to distinguish the light from the dark as we become one, our words embedded with time.
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My hair is getting so long (on one side) it just curls around me and every inch of this silky fabric is organic, real, homegrown from my skull, and mine (though it tangles just from thinking about blowing on it, brush it from down up please and in sections or it tangles while brushing and never brush it wet, ever or you’ll ruin my fine silks *sigh*. I just know someone’s going to fuck my hair up when I die. DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT AND DON’T FUCKING LET THE GOVERNMENT CREMATE MY BODY FOR FREE AND GIVE ME A WHITE TOMB AND BURY ME WITH OTHER UNKNOWN SOLDIERS. Instead, freeze me and give my body to science and they can clone me and bring me back to life digitally or like for real in the future. I’m down with that but don’t stick me in a fucking box either 6 feet under. If you do though, let my hair keep growing, don’t touch it, that’s my point. La la la
I don’t know how many poems I’ve written, because life is chaos and order, but 99.9979% have been for you. But what came first, the black hole or the star? Could the star be where it’s at today without the black hole? What if all these chemicals and elements exist because ionization occured from the black hole? What if I’m the black hole instead and you are the star? What if none of these poems were ever written? What if I never feel your actual kiss? Might die… might survive… might go supernova in your sky.
So, I hate you and I love you. “My indecision is final”.
I see what they write about you. But it doesn’t fucking compare, to the magnitude of the words we write each other (I mean the words you don’t write me at all but do but don’t but do but don’t but do). Ahem. *gets back in coffin* I’m over everything and I want to hibernate through winter…
I’m slowly chipping away at the madness Panics in the twilight with silence loud as riots There’s smiling on my face but my head is filled with sadness I thought he had a hand but it turns out he is spineless
I start out each day as if I’m facing Goliath At any moment I am ready to face violence Though humble are my feet when they are sleeping quiet When you hear me roar you’ll learn I am a lioness
We need entire continents to separate my rage And I don’t give a fuck if you think I act my age Make a note on your calendar or erase the fucking page It doesn’t change the fact we deserve a decent wage
Starving for food and love during a year long plague I’m fairly fucking certain I’ve been yelling from my cage But to the world full of green it’s a giant fucking stage And they don’t ever hear a word I fucking say!!!!!
I don’t want your support if it costs me my peace of mind. I’d rather starve. Or die in the street like Poe which is exactly where I’m heading if I don’t learn to LET IT GO.
I SEE THROUGH MONEY TO SEE YOU EMPTY AND WANTON AND NEVER HAVING MY FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, OR RESPECT. YOU CAN’T BUY THAT. YOU CAN’T BUY ME. IT’LL BOTHER YOU ONE DAY. BUT I’M ALREADY GONE. 👍
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I get lost in that eternal longing Like a lonely ghost haunting Your words, your grounds, you’re all that I am wanting The daily daunting The nightly taunting In circles, my feet towards you keep walking
Purgatory or desire Cannot distinguish if purge or fire The written wire The lines drawn from hell to higher A wanton vampire From wish to liar
His blank canvas, or missing page Off on my own in fits of rage The way we age Can’t face the stage The chance to talk or just engage Escape this cage
I’m trying to make amends I make more enemies than I do friends I’m sick of bends How he pretends How every road has more dead ends Though love he sends
You’re free to go Where the wind will blow Disassemble and row Nobody gotta tell yah so So go on and show What your feet can stow
Hello, good evening Tormentor May I call you Mister? Mister Tormentor? Word hipster Hard hitter Love quitter Still with her?
I go from tuning To finely pruning They say I’m ruin I got sin brewin’
His voice is a soothing surf Not a curse I need him and it’s getting worse For what it’s worth
Our lives aren’t permanent I was born and in effect, I’m not perfect Still mistakes you’ll erect On display my regret 1, 2, 3, now it’s set I’ll admit, I changed my bet But you are dead and now I’m next
He was gone But his eyes kept looking back And now love was a balancing act Her heart atrophied From the love it lacked
It is so obvious to me concepts But then I am gullible and miss steps
She cried so much He made a levee But it just keeps flooding Her tears are heavy
There is more bad than there is good It gets to me more than it should
Constantly pretending it doesn’t hurt at all Restart. Repurpose. Throw it up against a wall Reorganize disaster before they see the fall Rejection. Redirection. He will not take a call
Taste the sin, twice the infection Long-distance waiting, I cannot face inspection Hours non-debating and time shows no affection A trip to my own mind, a nightmare his direction
Everyday, I’m waking up triggered Just today, frustration got bigger
He must exist in some galaxy far from reach; Like my company he won’t seek
I’m stone but you cut through me like water; making me soft yet harder.
There’s a positive and a negative in everything I’ve learned; even the outcome…
I peer into my dream as if you’re there – A hundred million reasons why I care
His words a sword cutting through stone; I guess I’d rather be alone.
Read the lines in between, I do get what you mean and, I’m not searching for a thing…
Transforming into high seas Don’t wanna be on my knees Or marching in an army
My dreams of him live in endless meadows Where fears have been foreclosed Never near the brink of extinction Our love can never decompose
And now he’s building a nest Right where her heart beats best
Both try to speak though tongue was held They try to walk but they both failed
Sinners have acute senses sinning
One day she looked down at her hands and didn’t recognize them anymore.
Wounds she carries of others crosses. Her hearts too heavy from all these losses.
Wrap me in your worlds; only want your words.
You’re always passing by Why don’t you come inside And stay awhile by my side
Secrets aren’t for telling Even when we’re yelling Secrets aren’t for selling Even where you’re dwelling
I don’t know if he’s iron or sorcery / He’s got a hold on me
They come, they go I’m high, then low
The trouble with worry is that I worry there’s trouble.
He yells “retreat, I am the dark” But, he is the way for light to embark It takes both to fuel the heart And when it comes to love they hit the mark
“…You have to cut the cord”
“No, I can’t live without you…”
“Babe, you can’t stop existing just because I do” (love is keepsake, love is forever)
I gave you my best angles My mess and my tangles
She said, “you finally showed up. Took the damn end of the world, too…”
Break the chain, break the link, don’t wanna be in sync The way your eyes and my eyes leak The way we talk but never speak The days prowl on and we are weak But life is cruel and so are we And I guess we are both guilty But neither life is a life free And that is why we’re bleeding ink
Couldn’t sleep because I’m dreaming of you (so I wrote this instead)… The love of my life. His name is Sam. He’s got some teeth issues going on, and other medical stuff, but he enjoyed our day out. Look at that smile.
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I’m now on Twitch! I’m going live again soon! Thanks for following me there! Hit my channel at: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal
Me at 5 AM with unbrushed hair. Things get wild at night hair’s so long… (it’s all real too). ((I keep shaving the other side off)). (((I might put a razor to it again cuz I like fucking things up)))hellos. my studio needs design help. Has anyone given my new spoken word piece a listen and what did you think? Thanks for following my Twitch! Open mic night coming soon! 🙂 (but fears, big big fears) ((i iz shyyyy))I have 3 gigantic mirrors and don’t know what to do with them 🙂 “…sometimes I think I’d like to watch them burn” 🙂
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I’m now on Twitch! I’m going live again soon! Thanks for following me there! Hit my channel at: www.twitch.tv/poeeternal
Sometimes I experience words as if they are new That’s what your written word can do Pushing and pulling through and through Take my breath, turn me blue Subjunctive mood
Lay it out for me in lines Penalized Marginalized Revised By your red pen, I am chastised
Twisting and burning Your pens always yearning Speaking of truth as if you are learning Replacing your mask while your lies keep turning Every single day my anger is churning!!
Lines! Lines! The devil’s crossing, the way you’re talking! The constant lusting, a poor man’s cursing The way you haunt me The nightly stalking I can’t keep walking
I’m more than drunken babble Jagged edges traveled I’m more than all you saddle Or the porn that’s on your channel
Stop pretending you’re something you’re not The baggage you carry weighs alot Still licking your mask for all that it’s got Worried the truth simply might drop
I go from wanting to block him to wanting to fuck – I go from ‘I hate him’ to “he’s my buck”…
Jagged edges Overcrowded ledges Falling into hedges Deserted second pledges
Wishing things I haven’t Rotten choices maggot Fine tuning an old habit Lessons always absent
Why do they always have to lay on me their personal conditions? I want to muse not defuse the hourly emissions Confessions, obsession, next the rejection The highs, the lies, twice the objection Undermining and poor correction Next you know there’s more affection Every step has got you guessing But no one ever moves direction
From none to some From some to none From birth to young From aged to numb
From luck to curse To curse from luck From fast to stuck From good to suck
I’m still finding bones you buried Death the only thing you married
I wasn’t around love and nurturing growing up I was a petite girl beaten, I had it rough My mother, my sister, my father’s, they all were tough From blood to bruises, scruff was the stuff
The frog doesn’t know until it’s too late that the water is hot People either loathe me or they love me alot Maybe I’m formidable or maybe I’m not Maybe you’re alive with a heart full of rot
He left but his silhouette remains Life is quiet where shadow overstays Not even a whisper asks if I’m okay
All you ever give me is your poorly drawn lines. I’ve heard this excuse now a million damn times.
Stop pretending my love is a crime Stop telling others I’m not worth a dime It seems you’ve laid integrity on the line Darling, I’ll win every time
Lure her where light breaks Offer her heartaches Remind her of her mistakes
He made his bed though he wasn’t prepared The road she was going he couldn’t care It seems her worries wasn’t shared Or maybe underneath the hiding, a boy was scared
I left you like a ton of bricks crumbling
My rearview shows the void A boy devoid Self-worth destroyed There’s nothing to avoid
Tear me down Disassemble words ticking Fingers clicking People bitching Darkness my gown
Dreams still wishing Lies keep twisting Sorrows non-fixing Love went missing Watch me drown
I can go but the only thing it’ll prove is that I’m gone…
If only forgiveness were a page to turn All these hills are mistakes I’ve run And I cannot change the things I’ve done
Got my enemies watching with a telescope You say you hate me but you know I’m dope I see you clinging to my every hope You pray I’m drowning tho God is my boat
Spoken word coming soon to my Twitch TV! Watch this space!
If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
I lay my head down on silence like a pillow Stiff The dreams are stagnant His lies are foul My hope sluggish I cling to love like a parasite And without sight
Envy is black moss Ivy-thick doubt Twines twisting around his silhouette I watch clouds form from longing Rolling thunderous covetous hands Prying into my desires like butter The wind is brewing strong regret
Quick strikes of lightning when world’s collide If only nightmares were soft satin slippers One could wear proudly his crown It’s lost underground with the thicket
I have two shadows And not one to trust
I yield to confusion I give him skeleton keys to my home A disorderly garden wrought with weed Tall are worries Watch him stall Even the moon grows anxious and full
If I turn quickly I might spot a ghost Rummaging through heartache With fingers dripping from ink and mud
Tormented by what is And chained to never was
Or maybe that’s just my reflection
If per chance you stood near My gravity would rip you to shreds Our halos are dancing instead
I’ll take part of you The very best piece of you You have the best of me too
There’s nothing that I have when I die that I keep There’s not a word that he’s written that has not made me weep Longing comes in floods, I guess we get what we reap Treading flooding waters drowning where his soul runs deep
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If you appreciated this post, please consider showing your support through a small monthly membership on Patreon. If you prefer, you can also make a one-time donation here. Thank you.
You tied the noose then left me hanging You pledged for days then changed your aiming You point your finger loudly blaming You have no proof for what you’re claiming
Your youth is gone, you’re well past ageing Your actions don’t match words you’re painting And every step you’re proudly feigning I don’t believe a word you’re saying
To be honest, I think rhyming gets me off. I get euphoric after I’ve pieced together a decent story. Sure, writing is hard. Rhyming is harder. But you wouldn’t see it that way if you saw me in a dizzy spell writing, sometimes pieces come together so quickly. Or the fact that I live and breathe rhyme 24/7. I think I might have an addiction, albeit, is it a healthy one? I literally write anywhere, and while doing everything. Sometimes I force myself to stop writing and other times I think I’ll never be able to write anything ever again. But alas, I’m still rhyming *sigh* and have been since the age of 12. I fell in love with poetry in the 3rd grade though, when I read an Emily Dickinson poem (I talk a bit about that in my thank you video on my Patreon for my patrons who join, so the video is still there if you are my patron and overlooked watching it. It’s been there since the beginning of my campaign). Anyhoo, sometimes I think I don’t have a drop of rhyme left in me. And then it is flowing out. In heaps. Like lava. And often with tears. My rhyme contains my soul. I lived in a very abusive environment as a child and writing became my escape. Writing was my coping mechanism. And still is of today.
My attempt at “But is it art” below… (but is it art was a saying me and my best friend used to say all the time when we’d fuck shit up. Like once, we redid a chair by putting our handprints in paint all over it graffiti style and writing “but is it art!?!). She died by suicide and I’ve never been the same. But all my attempts at art end with, BUT IS IT ART!?!
I nearly didn’t share this for a number of reasons. But here’s the thing, I don’t want fake boobs. I like feeling things. Might account a tad bit for my poetry. But for real, I’ve had many guys complain that my boobs weren’t fake. Had a guy break up with me in my 20s over it. And I have been peer pressured by society and men to get plastic surgery that I don’t want. I also breast fed an entire year, I have natural curves. And I don’t want to replace my sex organ with plastic for many reasons. I could have made my nipples harder I suppose, so hence ‘soft nudity’. I wasn’t trying to be vulgar or even sexual. Just existing in a hot bath and trying to capture my soft curves. Attempting to be artsy. Instead, I worry now my boobs aren’t sitting in their best, upright position. They don’t meet societies standards of perfection. I’m tired of feeling things though so maybe I should start getting plastic surgery and fake nails and fake hair and fake lips and fake eyelashes and fake tans… throw a fake personality in there too. ((Also if you’re one of the guys who’s ever put my body down… fuck you))! For real tho… desensitized nation 101. I’m not a model. I’m not a porn barbie. I’m a warrior poet, dig? Just trying to find myself and keep 100% authentic & real. I feel like I’m heading towards a dire ending like Edgar Allan Poe though. Cursed. It’s in our blood… I hope someone enjoys my little attempt at art in isolation. If you don’t like my body or my art, join the long line of boys who also don’t. I can’t be bothered with shallow waters any longer. Evolving into a better me slowly as my body is dying. Keeping my mind in a nurturing environment. SELF-LOVE.
The same vid as above but with different effects. But is it art? I never knew how hard wet hair can be to manage when it’s this long and wet and also heavy… (no filter). I really wish I could upgrade and get some decent camera equipment and lighting. Someone join my Patreon or make a donation please lol I need new editing software too!!! It’s my birthday this month!!! 😍That’s all for now. Can’t do much in quarantine. Trying not to catch the plague. Trying not to die by depression. Missing gig life to the full. No birthday gig this year!!! 😭😭😭
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I want him to stretch out my smile until my cheek hurts Roll around on the ground laughing til it’s worse I want his poetry as my universe His kisses to be my in-house nurse
I want his words instead of roses, dig? Forgiveness for mistakes I hid Perhaps another chance to bid Love despite the things I did
You give life color You are the place sadness goes to rest Gently under midnight breath You unchain the collar
Your tongue rushes through layers of time only to stand still! Why do you stomp outside my gate demanding honor when your skin is made of scales? I wonder if there is any light left in you at all? Do you feel my love sneaking into you at night? Or when my tears have sweetened the sky?
Is it a pen- Or a tool for destruction?
Is it a hand- Or a rule for instruction?
Why do you always have to be so bad? Why do you exist only to make me sad? Why are you always claiming I am wrong? Why are you someplace I don’t belong?
Remorse is a little grave Radioactive your words decay They cause delay Like the games you play The lies you say The lives you slay
I don’t hide behind pretense or a mask I’ve got a mind to not do what you ask If you want it first you’ll get it last A narcissist hating me, makes me feel first-class!
Just go! Why do you always make a scene? Your reason cruelly crafted, doesn’t mean a thing.
Life happens in gallops The downs, the ups A calloused heart develops Blackened and jealous
There’ll never be an us You’re too careless You’ve got life but you’re aimless Now the end you can cherish
You’re spinning on your axis Your every lie is backless I’m splitting from this madness And returning all your sadness
People out there climbing, hardly trying, rarely ever hear them crying…
Don’t let the bottle sink you to the floor Got you nailing shut every door Every hour you are at war The enemy is your roar We can’t take it anymore
Eventually longing runs out like a clock that stops ticking…
She’s a pyramid scheme Lined in fake gold and your dying dream The way her eyes will gleam Faking is in her bloodstream
They are tied together at the seam He injects her like she’s morphine She ranks him number one supreme But all they ever do is scream
You cling to death a hardend criminal Morally bankrupt
She has darkness leaking from her eyes Scales and veins that demoralize The blood runs blue behind cold skies Quickly fallen the soldier dies
His smile is fusion So his kingdom I’m choosing
You left me dismantled Said there was nothing you couldn’t handle I guess you had a different angle You were gone by the flick of your candle
My time was fully channeled But now our friendship has been cancelled Everyday a different battle Took all I had to not get mangled
Stow my fucks upon the mantle I’ll write you off another devil There were signs that I’m a rebel I guess I’m on a different level
Choice is yours to revel You’re a man that’s acting feral Trust is like a petal And I need to be more careful
Time is a death sentence.
Do you take the stars with you when you disappear? Do you hide the light within your black soul?
I am a wounded warrior who fought for this country I need more than fancy cars or money Or the consistent catcalling of “come here honey”
Give me wonder from your fingertips, from your every word that slips Galactic walls of poetry, moves for my dancing feet, that’s all I’ll ever need
Who or what are you chasing? Everyday I see the man you could be slowly erasing
You move in-and-out of my life like water; you shape my rivers.
She looks cheap and worn down like an old lumber mill- But piss on her and he’ll crumble at will!
My love, lend me your ear Spending time with you would change the atmosphere
Do my pleas appear like flares in darkened skies Are my hopes and dreams all the things that you despise
Growing evermore increasingly isolated And humanity, well I don’t like it And man and his lies absolutely hated And to think for love I sat around and waited
But love is about abundant as God And man only rule with his evil rod But leave it to them to curse why I’m flawed And when it comes to law every one is a fraud
An angel and a demon fall in love
He doesn’t want to hurt her, he can’t change who he is Walk away he won’t let her and try yes she did
There were warnings in the echoes Writings on the windows
-LOVE FORBID-
One day these words will be gone – life won’t exist Time is slow but not forever, now is in the mist
Let’s rewind the details.
They line up like dogs, fisting her, inching her Why do you love her, I need an answer
I once held him like starlight in my eye But the light slowly turned to drab And hope was a rope not an inch to grab I watched a living life magnify and die
His breath was once a sail for my dreams But the air turned stale with mold and dust And hand was an enemy not an ounce of trust Life passed me by it seems
His poetry was once a creed and map But his words turned to curse and hell And love was a poison for not feeling well Between my heart and his there lies a gap
So I’m alive and still writing poetry. This is Annie Lenox. Rescue kitty. She’s been the queen of the domain several years now. Got her when she was a wee 15 weeks old, recently turned 7 years young. Gorgeous girl and sweet too! Happy birthday, Annie!! My goal is to get her a new tower from Kitty Mansions. She could use a new tower/ number 2. Won’t be til the Jeep is paid off. It’s coming! Highly recommend them!! Cat approved. Got her this one in 2015 (I think) and it’s withstood moves & 24/7 use! Isn’t she cute? She’s clever! 😍I’m still alive and writing and growing my hair out. 6 months dye free. Ack! Putting on some quarantine weight.
Do you ever find my words enchanting?I’m late posting these…I’m still alive despite the pandemic growing in Florida…Invoke me with your words pleaseeee
I’m depressed, moody, withdrawn, emotionally detached, unavailable in every capacity. People swear they get it up until they’re screaming profanities at me for how evil I am for not giving them my time (or love for that matter). I am a fallen angel and a creature of the underground, I’m not capable of love. But a monster I am not. Just simply void and numb. Sorry not sorry. SURVIVAL MODE
What does all this mean? Depression means I’m incapable of forming attachments. Or joy. Writing is my only escape. It was my escape when I was a little girl and couldn’t escape all the abuse. I wrote poetry in between classes at school. On the bus. On the toilet. And guess what? I still do. Only now I’m sharing this part of me WITH YOU. But I lose friendships and followers because I’m unable to maintain communication right now. I keep telling people I’m depressed and suicidal but it’s like wind over the ears. They still need me to provide a service for them. I cannot. I barely can brush my teeth on some days. This is not me you’re meeting but some ruined version of what I might have could of been… (and yes under all the suicidal ideation I am gentle and loving and worth saving). So bye.
“Just another lost angel”…
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
I miss coming up for air After your words would knock the wind out Even now the winter blizzard of your cold shoulder is predictable My cries and shivers numbs the void My face with permanent icicles And yet the sun will rise and the rooster crow And in a circle you will go
I miss when your tongue was a rogue wave How you made time another dimension Every syllable unearthing a treasure I will be your clown in a daze I am still a slave to your will Feed me scraps so I can feel
I miss the g-force rush of synchronicity Felt the Earth spinning with every metaphor and ending When caution was but a dark cloud passing And notifications were promises of heaven My lungs would fill with air after moments of dying Joy was the fuel that kept me from crying
I felt him swing from the heavens, into my heart he went And from the bowels of the netherworld, my soul came to ascent Our orbits must have collided, I have been feeling him ever since Collecting more than fraying feathers, I’m not that innocent
Watching him grow cold and devilish, while following his gradual descent Vision crossing planks of inability, I cannot stop these events Burning chains on regret, dragging around feet like they are blocks of cement The weight of consequence in this pit, the dead can still lament
I hope I haven’t misspelled any words, I have anxiety over that now lol. 🤓 It’s probably not about any one guy. It’s just a poem.But maybe they need to come with a disclaimer (it’s not about you I swear) 😄😃😄
Some videos featuring me and my dream to get to Mars! Watch for my name under candidates, this video gives me tears (my name is Delia Ross): https://youtu.be/SwT4pTusyVw
My Facebook Mars Candidacy page will have more info buried over the years with more vids, links to a podcast I did, Mars One updates when I was still a candidate in the running! I’m obsessed with Mars if you haven’t guessed by now… Feel free to follow my page! It’s probably worth reading back the post from when I was a candidate with Mars One! 😄 https://www.facebook.com/deliatomars
A hat in Florida is imperative. Anybody out there keeping up with Elon Musk? He’s always got his hands into making Earth a better place but all of the profits are for funding to get to Mars. Like this hat. They are digging some futuristic tunnels in New York I think. The Boring Company. Clever. It’s a nice cap too, stitched logo, 100% cotton, velcro clapse, not plastic. He was selling it a couple years back during xmas. Twenty bucks and it included shipping. Profits for Mars I had to invest lmao. Any chance I can be a nerd but many won’t understand the logo. 🙂 He sold 50K hats LOL I gots 1. It’s for Mars dude. I’m trying to stay alive to see the first humans land. I wanna hitch a ride! 😄 https://www.boringcompany.com/
Why are you a moon behind a cloud? Exterminating the sun And everything I’ve done I don’t have the gumption to fight the blues These depths you send me to are pressurized Why do you flank my fears Have I not sacrificed enough tears? My blood thick of you And every molecule I’m stuck like glue Can you erase me from your shit list Sketch a smile or two? I do not fare well When feet are quicksand Head sinking too Your berries are poison but I ate a few Just to taste the bitterness you accrue Just to feel the things you do Why do you lead me to darkness? All these acres feels like abandonment The atmosphere tenuous Like the link of us How do you forget? Was it as quick as lightning Your exit? Still I trace your silhouette I find clues on my doorstep Was that your regret? Leaving me too soon? Is that my tears you collect? Is defeat what you accept? Please return this June Preferably by noon
If you dig my writing, you can support my advertisement free blog by subscribing to my Patreon here (please & thank you): https://www.patreon.com/poeeternal
There are mountains crumbling inside of me Boulders sun-warmed from your thick voice Moss-covered limbs reaching for your skies Cobbles and pebbles charged from your breath and lightening You belong in these darkened caves Mining for affection You are a Thunder God shaking my core I rattle from longing Round me up as bedrock for your feet Walk all over me Take these stones and build your kingdom I fall for you Like a gentle slope bowing Climb these craggy edges Claim your territory I hunger for you Like a century-long thirst Come feel my rivers rush The way I gush for your tongue
He knows the answer but still he will ask, why does the sky cry rain? Knowing that the clouds carry all our weight and pain.
He ravages the Earth and pierces her with his spear, then asks, what are we doing here? Feels like our grave. The end was coming anyway, he’ll say.
He says, love has no direction, while spinning in a circle. And he never sets his eyes on her. He’s lost connection. And all of yesterday. It’s just a shame. The answer is always the same.
PoeEternal 