Writing – Page 5 – PoeEternal

Posted on March 4, 2023March 5, 2023 by poeeternal

Silver and Copper (poem)

Silver and copper
My favorite topper
Wounds and blood and pauper
Jumping cracks like leafhopper 

Blackened skin maybe monster 
Bridges burning over water
Flying high helicopter
He never loved her

Posted on March 3, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Regret (poem)

I regret crawling into that cave
Claw marks where I engrave
Rage like a heatwave
Headlamp won’t light the way
I rest here today

I don’t want wifi anymo

It’s got to go

More seeds for the dream yard

They are non GMO so I don’t have to burn them

Also scored a free book (limited supply) from the library

Unfortunately, despite NASA being a great joke, The Martian is still a favorite film (minus the gay hollywood music)

I don’t know what I’m allowed to have in life, or keep

Like why am I hoarding seeds and dreams?

And can things grow at Yellowstone? (Pro)

Will I accidentally boil myself in a hotspring? (Con)

Land near Yellowstone is cheap (pro)

But it’s also near a volcano (con) (unless maybe you’re suicidal!?!) (tbd)

Cheap land comes at a cost huh

So does visiting your old url

~~Fuck you~~

Posted on March 1, 2023 by poeeternal

Gravity (poem)

The moon gives me tilt
Seasonal travesty
Without any guilt
Go stand on her
I will give you lip

I should be sleeping. I’m not.

You got plans to go back to the moon in a decade huh. Gonna take ten years to manipulate the data/crowd.

Besides, April 2029 / the final time

Apophis is probably just an atom bomb

We probably bombed the moon

We probably bombed Mars

They can’t stop bombing earth

I’m probably closer to the truth than you are to standing on the moon

NASA is a scam

Stop taxing me

I can’t wait for the space shuttle to crash into our beautiful ocean – destroying sealife

It isn’t “in space” it’s “free falling earth’s gravity”

Fuck you

Posted on March 1, 2023 by poeeternal

Directed (poetry)

A purchase has been scheduled / directed by the devil / but nothing I can’t handle

The United States / a nation of immigrants / minus the Native’s they enslaved to get it

Dear Father
Please respond
It’s a matter of death
I’m overcome

But I’ll push the latter
While falling off the ladder
Which one will matter
I’m growing madder

From seconds to 40k / I want my own driveway

Seed collection

I’m saving more than copper and silver, fuck you.

Tell God I’d like some place far from here to grow them.

This is hell. I wanna plant these babies somewhere else.

Even tho, they could be grown in the windowsill.

This.Is.Hell.

Help.

I hate how expensive it is to do anything. I hate the boomers.

There are things I don’t hate.

Seeds. Sunshine. Shade. Spring water. Nuts. Squirrel. Pretty bird. Crow.

I once liked having a job too. I’m considering remote work.

I’ve lost my mind but still have a Bachelor degree. Whatever that means.

I hope remote work.

Otherwise engaging at a sit down job at Aldi sounds potential.

“You plan on tossing him on the grill”

“Yum”

I’m sick of chasing my tail inside the deathcare health system

I ain’t better yet

But I’m sick of sitting around waiting to die

Working the movie ticket booth sounds ideal – weekends and weird hours no one wants.

Also me: I can’t fucking breathe

But I got my 20 minute rebound session in – getting fit with gravity

The rent is paid. They are dicking me around about my carpet “more time”

M’kay but calling the Health Department soon and whoever else I gotta…

I gotta download another app to do anything huh

Jetpack? A filter ontop a filter ontop a filter

Please no more

I don’t want to grow my seeds here

I don’t want to live here

I don’t want to die here

I’m sick of being sick

All woe ~~is me~~

But I had a multigrain bagel with cream cheese and avocado for brunch (groceries from home) with hot chocolate and some sort of milk with probiotics but no lactose and yum

I am trying to get fat

109 pounds currently

(Steel abs, peachy peach)

(Looking zombie in the face)

(Need him)

Land near Yellowstone is cheap (pro)

But it’s near a volcano (con)

Flip a coin?

I do like my investor inbox, FYI

I want my own business cleaning shit no one else wants to do

“Phew that was rough but we got 3 bags done”

“High five”

Like I wanna help people who are nearly dead and dying – not die

I need purpose

Which isn’t working 3 jobs to pay the electric rent insurance

There’s verifiable proof immigration makes the rental and housing market increase

I’m not getting anything out of being alive

When every dime goes to keeping afloat

Posted on March 1, 2023March 1, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Tasteless (poem)

I had to make order of the chaos
By getting rid of it
Crying lots and a little bit
Putting dying on hiatus
Changing energy from stasis
Burning bridges and first basis
I’m the best at tasteless

I know you’re out there. ~~I know~~ you still love me.

The furniture was removed for free yesterday.

I was grateful and humiliated at the same time.

I wish I had offered him more than a protein treat for reward.

He took the treat.

I wish he would have taken my humiliation with him out the door. But alas, it remains with me.

There is nothing here but broken dreams and damaged carpet.

I am but a shell.

Crawling back to theta mode

I hate it here

This manmade infected environment full of natural flavor and narcissism

I know you’re in love with a prostitute

Did you know the government makes money from prostitution and most porn is made in California and Nevada made prostitution legal and our doors are open to immigration 24/7 and there is a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution

I get called a “manhater”

The place is empty of life or longing.

Dogs and cats are not native to the environment

Just wanna see earth win

White people should be on the endangered species list – check the census

Glad Black Lives Matter are the only one who matters

Posted on February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Struts and Shocks (poem)

I’m struts and shocks / your heart tied in knots / his equinox / if I’m there or not \

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Postscript

He said I had some seconds left in my tires, I said, well, what does that mean?

He said, “they ain’t got any life left”

I said, well, how much is that gonna cost me?

(You know, everything)

They took good care of her, cleaned up my brakes – got off the rusty business. I’m uninstalling the step up bars next stop, getting the spark plugs and tires replaced.

Eventually, the shocks and struts.

Could I sell her for the pretty penny CarMax offered me? Sure. I could sell or trade her in for a “younger model”.

But it’s Valentines, we’ve been together since 10K miles, I’m not ghosting her or leaving her in this hellhole (please God, we want out)

You seen Thelma and Louise? We’re together til the end. Potentially.

Hopefully not such a dramatic ending but I daydream of it.

Fantasize about ending my life.

Don’t want her to be a casualty of war driving off a cliff

Apparently when you take your ride into the shop, if you say things like “she’s a good girl”, “she just hit 76k”, “she’s making squeaky noises”, – they will assign more value to your ride, as my technician was still tweaking her, even after he drove her around to the front, he was on the ground, tool in hand.

I said, “can we get rid of that thang” and honestly, it wasn’t even installed correctly (so Pep Boys will be removing my step-up underbar next visit, no charge).

Struts are likely third in line for install – but poem written anyway.

I was like “can the rust be cleaned next visit” not realizing he already took care of that – as they were spic and span heading to the car (it’s an SUV)

Maybe, today instead of coming to work, and hating your job, you appreciate and value it instead, happy customer means more business – and not because you did something shady – but now you can relax knowing hooker income is incoming

Simply for doing your job and being proactive

He went above and beyond – or did his job – to the BEST of his ability – instead of quietly quitting

But there was no tip jar

There was no option to tip

I hope to hell God let’s me escape here

It’s good to have goals in hell

Some of the savings was depleted but that’s what the savings is for…

Right?

That’s why there’s 4 different saving pots to pull from.

I’ve decided I’m heading to GameStop to sell the ps4. Whatever the offer is – give it fucking to me.

I gotta replenish the gold at the end of the rainbow

I ain’t even got a TV

And even when I did, the sucker stayed turned off six months

That fucking propaganda box cost me everything

I haven’t renewed my lease so

Turned in all my library books – not wasting any more miles driving to that gorgeous dump

The sun was burning me through the window and I was asking/praying was I “doing the right thing”

“Should I be here, replacing my drive train belt”

I feel like I gotta escape a black hole…

Tires and spark plugs next

If God will may…

Make way for the Great Escape

To where?

A fucking homeless shelter cuz have you seen the price of lodging these days!?!?

$2k per month for extended stay

Or $2k for an acre of land and free sunshine

Fuck you

Posted on February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

The use of WordPress in higher education

So – were you aware – that universities are on WordPress and require students to use WordPress to post and respond to other students post – and receive GRADED reports

Cuz that wasn’t in the Privacy policy or any of the FAQ or payment policies

I’m not just paying to reach my tribe – they are flooding the network however they can – so we can chase our tails – meanwhile the younger generations get fed with a platinum spoon – this society

We’re paying in the upwards of $300 -$600 to maintain our blogs/ websites every three years – to reach students and faculty! (Or around $150 annually)

F- U – C – K YOU

Here’s an example in use: https://intothewildbyjohnkrakauerthestoryofchrismccandles.wordpress.com/

https://wpengine.com/resources/wordpress-for-education/

https://www.eridesignstudio.com/insights/70-universities-using-wordpress/

https://wptavern.com/new-report-estimates-wordpress-market-share-of-us-higher-education-institution-websites-at-40-8

Just thought you should know before you bust out the checkbook to keep growing an audience ~~you like to run away~~

They also hire hackers to blow up the place to sell you “site security”

I can put two and two together

Posted on February 13, 2023February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Eat (poetry)

I could eat contempt / wrap it with lament / file it tax exempt / yell “god damnit” / my brain will forget / I haven’t cared yet \

Searching for you in typeface / underlines / and heartbreak / happiness is our stake / a gamble we should take \

A thousand miles from nowhere / I want to go there / ask God there’s hope where \

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Posted on February 12, 2023February 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Wish (poem)

I wish he would bed me / take me down the aisle / then fucking wed me / I wanna get heavy / not fucking buried / I wanna get married

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Posted on February 12, 2023February 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Bloody Valentine’s (poetry)

This comment is hate filled / a sinkhole / for you to build.

There’s likely bloodstains in the carpet / bloodstreams of my target / am I the carcass?

He shot her in her wedding dress / but love her / he’d never confess.

Father / they’ve all chosen sin / and I’m sinking / in quicksand.

Hey Sun,

How did you rise?
With light in eyes?
Is there time to shine?

Hey Sun,

Am I alright?
The peerless moonlight
Will we unite?

(Love you forever)

Postscript

*do something / act abnormal to run your blog readers off*

*insert insanity here*

*program successfully installed*

I got John hanging in front of me, and dear Edgar in my rearview, in a puff of smoke, just loving the 10k hand I have drawn.

Werd.

I could use a real hand getting the apartment prepped to be stripped of this danky old carpet, and replaced with some fresh skin (lighter color too)

Don’t even know if I’m staying

LAUGHS

Immortally insane

Running through my vein

Edgar wants me to pick up a typewriter and get off this broken iPhone

I knew the phone was subject to break – but alas – even with these cursive powers – I did nothing to stop its fall

Oh shittte, it broke more than I thought

BABE

Fuck Apple, it’s a 6, I’m done selling shit – and jump off a bridge

But there’s poisoned sweet potato pie in the fridge

There is indeed, God bless, we’re gonna learn to make a healthy pie, but for now, poisoned pie for Valentine

*squee

Postnote: I ignored all the ingredients when I saw the price marked down to $2.50 with a date of 2/15. Said, “you’re coming with me”

But for real tho, don’t buy the pie

(It’s poisonous)

(You die, I die – but we’re not together, Romeo)

P.S.S.S?? Been rebounding my ass off (the rebounder fitness – resistance training – getting fit with gravity – weeee)

I’m two scenes on repeat currently – in my favorite film – Made in Heaven (1987?)

The one where he’s tossing his drink in the mirror / laying in the road screaming to God / Emmet “as himself” AND

Her, crying in public on the street – she got arrested too – dark days ahead

Welp.

GOD: if you don’t find each other, you’ll both be miserable

God: there’s no guarantee you’ll come back

Me: YOU TOOK MY LIFE

The roses are dying / cuz I’m done trying / the crow is black / his heart tarmac

*insert another copyright here*

I wore a t-shirt to the medical clinic once – with Poe on it – and the technician asked if it was Hitler

Millennial or GENZ

I sighed and said “Poe”

“Kind of a popular stash then tho, huh…”

“Hitler”

*makes awkward attempt to continue on with life wearing such an offensible shirt*

(Wonders if others mistake Him for Hitler too)

*creepily laughs

These motherfuckers are in charge

*nearly chokes on the air

*tries not to die*

And in a more recent attempt at “getting out and socializing”

I ordered food – through a drive thru

It wasn’t busy – I had time to count my cash – fuck the elite – you wanna be a cashless society and track me huh – fuck you – cash everywhere or boycott

Him (another Millennial/GenZ): why did you give me so much money!?!? *looks at me stumped like I’m stupid

Me: what do you mean!?!? *looks confused / haz brain injury / why am I so stoopidd

…well, I, gave you MORE to get the big bills back…

Him: *clearly confused – counts the money – proceeds to hand me a ten back, a five, and some silver.

So apparently I’m not stupid. Just pre- computer age.

I once had to work at registers where you needed to know basic math – to count change back

Remember when they upgraded the register to tell you the change back

MY GOD they made us beg and groggle for those jobs!!!!!!

“Don’t discuss your income in the workplace”

FUCK YOU

I mean, Happy Valentine

Burn in hell

*insert shitty photo of me here

I don’t want to see myself in the mirror – or on my blog currently – tho I haz space now

I wants new blog

*stomps feet*

I wants better home

*if I buy the land / will you buy the home?

Tell me, I need to know!!!!

A rose garden / an iron fence / him dressed in darkness / at my defense / our first kiss / give me this

Posted on February 11, 2023February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Attic (poetry)

I have gluten free parts / unless you count my farts.

I run my visitors off / like a cap I’m twisting off / Kiss them with scoff /but first to read their blog.

Sweet kiss of oblivion – heart like obsidian.

I gave him my love / still he / tossed it in the mire / made me walk on fire / like I’m some liar.

Why would he love a dead red sea / is that what I’m becoming / is there good in me?

Left behind
But forced to go on
Through the grime
Delete my life
Rearrange the pie
Crunch time

He’s interested in the context
Not the poetry but my point next
He gets into the prospect
What makes me sad
What I detest
He’s like a mirror what I reflect

I woke up with money, and I mean a lot;
Unless you think ten grand is not.

In the far recesses of your heart, moving forward and backward feel the same

If you’re gonna reset the deck
Don’t write the check
Force your hand instead
Erase the bet
Need savings to your neck

Montana
Mountains
Call of the wild
Throw a dart
I’ll drive there

God recalled
Every little sin
One of God’s flaws

Find me in the attic
Uncovering mirrors
Acting erratic
Unlike the flickers
They seem more static
Visions are clearer

I’m usually not wrong with my calculations unless it’s math
Then I have to ask

I don’t know what hate is / I’m only torn by love

Heads up: A lender reported that the status of your account is now current. Drifting but determined. Maybe we’re learning. But watch for what is coming…

FOR THE RECORD: I hate my online etiquette but I’m at odds to change it.

It’s me not you…

P.S. I’ve yelled at my body to “grow up” so much in the mirror but alas I’m this tiny fucking thang.

No man has ever made me feel like a woman either.

So fuck you.

But please stay.

I wish he’d remove my clothing – instead of my wings.

Posted on February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Separated (poetry)

Separated by billions of light-years / this love

I’m using line breaks now. Am I a better poet?

I do crave the sound and clack and annoyance of an old typewriter.

I’m not going to put a filter on my poetry like Boeing put one on to tell the plane it can fly

Up down, up down, up down 18 times before it took a nosedive into the deep blue sea

The President: “you’ll need to rebrand”

GMO: “we’re Bioengineered Ingredients now”

The FDA: “we don’t want to tell you what’s on the labels” / NATURAL FLAVOR in EVERYTHING

(It was mad in a lab)

And now companies act like Coca Cola using “secret formulas”

It says it’s good for me so it must be true

(They’ll believe anything)

STOP TOUCHING ME AT CHURCH SPEAKING IN TONGUE

The sounds of my ribs breaking across the ocean as I leap from a bridge / has got to be better than the noises my BLACK LIVES MATTER neighbors love to make

Marriage / or go Hulk / take out the city block

Okay, I get the idea / but isn’t my context good enough

Did you know an acre cost about $2k grand?

If I started the paperwork, I could buy around 7 acres ~~tomorrow~~

I’m only begging God for 1-5

Did you know I’ve already started collecting seeds?

Special seeds. For ~~our~~ garden.

EVE needs THE GARDEN

I dreamed the birds came to me

Fuck you.

Go enjoy your prostitutes

I should never be included in “a list” (top or not)

I already fell for you / asshole.

You destroyed my wings

You stripped me! Without consent!

If you don’t give me my mini garden the world will end

I know it’s what you what

Nihilist

And I’m gonna be crawling for John Jones / you better get over it

The world doesn’t revolve around YOU

Others need my special love – my light / it’s fading

My signal soon gone

My last will and testament is to die in peace

Man is only concerned with AI and “man’s best friend” and his own inventions

Destroying the world White lives & Native American first – well there’s been other resets

6th mass extinction currently – all with malicious intent “we create our own reality” / we destroyed Mars

Now we’re off to “save it” only we can’t leave earth

Van Allan Belt

NASA says “they made worse”

I need to ~~train for cold weather~~ grow some thangs

I’d rather gut myself with my bayonet / than to let him see me in real time / at my worse

(~~no filter in the real world~~) “weathered” (one of them that shouldn’t be in the sun / fuck you)

Tell him / I need more time

(God too please)

Posted on February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Midnight Sun (poetry)

He’s like a long-winded walk
Under midnight sun
And though he’s likely not you
He’s to blame for all you’ve done

*insert clever line breaks here*

Posted on February 11, 2023February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

The Hunger (poetry)

Did you ever think God needs you here to keep this place from going under
You’re light and thunder
Relax your plunder
I need you longer
To wake from slumber
Realize the hunger

Postscript

I write for God now.

Could you please let God know I’m exhausted and need to rest a bit longer.

These demons have not stopped pounding me since I was born.

My dreams consist of multiple murder and full vape pens.

The mind normally gets what the mind wants

The face may show sadness, the eyes show rage

“The scientists” say that once bees are dead – all life will vanish

“The scientists” have fucked around with the genetic coding of honey bees, which has resulted in a 50% life reduction drop.

The honeybees only live 50% of the life God had intended for them – now that the “scientists” have reduced their genes to half life.

They thought the bees would be “more productive”. Pay attention

These demons are killing EVERYTHING

I do not fear imprisonment, my heart would self-annihilate or I’d ensure humane ending via a cop ending my life prematurely

Keep swinging your dick on the road like you have more importance than ~~everyone~~ women

Tell me something is wrong with me again

I’ll respond: what’s the matter honey? You in-love with a prostitute?

Yes. We know you all are.

The studies say over 50% of men want love with a prostitute and would legalize prostitution

There’s also a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution – with testimony from men, “she looked trafficked and frightened and underage but it’s what I want”

Fuck you

Cut me off again, anywhere, anyday

You only treat prostitutes with respect huh

Like this book “racing the light” that I checked out from the library just yesterday – nowhere in the synopsis did I know porn would be the subject.

So far, the writer has used his characters to complain about the daily women, one being a “skinny scarecrow”, the other being “fat” – yet glorifying the porn star on the poster, how she looks amazing wearing “all black”. How they wouldn’t fuck her during a podcast show because they have boundaries

GET IN THE FUCKING SEA

I’m done reading!

Chapter 7! He’s on his way to meet the famous pornstar!

Gag me! I’d rather die than live in this porn infested society!

Stop conditioning!

This book should not be at the library!

Walmart and the mall should not be selling sex equipment in front of children or me!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU

Tell God I’m angry!!!!!!!

The honeybees deserve more!

Science is unethical!

Art is sin!

90% of all murder happen by men!!!!!!!!!

The other ten percent I’m contemplating falling in!

So many men are committing crimes they are reducing sentences – opposite for women – hardly any do so punishment is more severe

Rules for thee, not for me

I’m gonna fuck you up if you smile at me incorrectly or refuse to open the door when you see me

Cut me off again

I triple dare you

Money don’t mean shit to me

Ending your pathetic society tho – like Bonnie ~~and Clyde~~

I dream of it

DAYDREAMS

Of bloodletting

With the de-lite

~~BLACK LIVES MATTER~~ / ASIAN HATE ✓

All before morning coffee

Born this way

Need him to go where I’m going

The library is no longer a safe place for me – I’m angry and contending with that now

I sensed this with the LGBT and Boomer staff lurking and the “smell of lies” and the street political thugs in gold begging for my signature

Still there was hope

Briefly

It didn’t last very long

People ruin everything

I’m finely crafting my monster and angelic side –

Men have suppressed me from sex and defense

They get sex and murder – with the slap of a hand

Cut me off again

I can’t be the only woman feeling this way

Gonna start a riot

The way doctor lady swallowed when I told her “according to the latest studies over 51% want love with a prostitute and would vote yes”

Gutted her right there in her stool

Continued gutting her with more facts

I’m maybe the Oracle but get treated like Agent Smith

I’m maybe Neo Trinity Morpheus too

“Why me Gabriel” (you’re going to hell for the life you took – you’re fucked)

Should I join the order of Satanism? I was reading over their website – I read the DR book age 16 – it cost money to join – they say titles are earned – whatev, give me Priestess or fuck off – I will keep my $$$

Also, should I join? The order?

Of Satanism?

Revenge is a dish served by an Angel rogue in hell

It’s just another form of narcissism carefully crafted

“We’re not religious but we are, we think we’re Gods”

LAUGHS

Oh yeah?

So adorable

I really enjoy spending time in the sun getting “weathered” and feeding all God’s creatures

Probably causing them more harm but the intention is good

Tell God I’m sorry for being such a fuck up

I know I’m suffering cuz I died via suicide – this hell

But when do I?

I’ve been conditioning myself to do it since in womb

Age 5 on the kindergarten – got in trouble for putting “string around my neck and pulling” – wasn’t allowed sunshine or going outdoors for weeks (fuck you)

You treat prisoners better than civilians

I’ve got scars from cutting on my body

Charming

I worry more about my stretch marks than I do scars over my big veins

LOOK: TRIED TO KILL MYSELF THAT DAY

Wanna get married?

*jumps from bridge

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

Anti-Valentine (micropoetry)

I should move the place you most hate; get a little cabin by the lake.

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Domuso – third party rental payment processors – SCAM

A total scam

Delete your account

Write a paper check

Pay a money order

Protest

It should be illegal anyway – forcing us to pay rent online

Fucking move

Into a tent if you gotta…

I’m still waiting for my rent payment to go through – since the 31st

Paid my rent ahead of schedule – now collecting late fees – new management in the apartment instructed to “not even call Domuso support” and they have to call – to give permission to cancel it – since it’s in an “authorized status” according to Domuso – whom I contacted myself.

I guess they want me chasing my tail about my rent – worrying about fees and whatnot. I’m not.

Back to check writing.

And I dare you to make me homeless for refusal to “pay online” like you are enforcing other apartment buildings to do.

Go check the reviews about this company. They out there stealing money from folks.

It’s now day 9 and my payment is still pending and I’m not allowed to cancel it in an “authorized status” – the apartment complex must call Domuso and give the approval – but management says to “wait” and “we’re not allowed to call…”

Meanwhile, the fees are collecting and I went in with my checkbook ready to fix THEIR MISTAKE (I’m using the same bank I’ve been – no changes, my bank isn’t withholding my payment – nor do they have any reason to) but they refuse to do anything about my pending payment in cyber space and were ready to put a late notice on my door.

Do.

I dare you.

I have contacted Domuso via email and phone – same generic response, “your property needs to accept the transaction” but why should they when they can quietly quit and rack up charges and evictions on poor unsuspecting dumb folk

Touche

Hope you like your job very much…

Posted on February 9, 2023February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

Merry-Go-Round (poetry)

Am I sleeping beauty?
Put under spell?
Are you creeping monster?
Or savior in this hell?

Am I just gloomy?
Cheerful carrousel?
Are we fast moving?
Or racing parallel?

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved. No portion of this website, including text, photos, and videos, may be reproduced, copied, saved, transferred, or transmitted in any manner, digital or otherwise, without written permission.

Mary go round – the truck – like a vulture – ready to devour the dead

Welp ^^ ^^

*bat wings

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?” (true tales)

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?”

“Get help”

Those were the questions asked of me after I was rudely cut off on the road, so I rudely began following him, to wherever we were now going.

We wound up in a parking lot for several minutes – he threatened the cops – they never came.

Got his license plate number anyway

Stalked him until he was sweating anyway

But y’all keep giving yourself away

I should have responded “homicidal” but asked “was he in a rush to get to his prostitute.”

Of course, he called me a “manhater” LAUGHS

I’m ready to rip your veins from your neck – and your cock – with my teeth

Please keep risking my life – and then insulting me when I call you out

When he threatened to call the cops, I responded: “I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have the less they work. Please call the cops.”

He retreated to inside his vehicle – but it didn’t stop me circling his vehicle like a vulture

So – y’all are making us depressed with malicious intent and purpose – so we’ll “get a job” and “see a therapist” – something must be wrong – we cry and boys don’t. Ohh boo

90% of all murders happen by men.

Please keep pissing me off

P.S. the jobs and medications to keep me asleep while you live a double and triple evil life – no longer work

Maybe you should have treated ALL WOMEN with respect, not just the prostitutes you’re “in love with” according to the latest studies “most men want love with a prostitute”

*throws up

Fuck you

Cut me off again

I double dare you

P.S.S. That’s TWO days in a row I’ve had the cops threatened on me.

P.S.S.S. Might be meeting my future husband soon and getting a new home. Do you think I’ll get visitation?

Yes. No. Maybe (select one) (please return)

Posted on February 8, 2023 by poeeternal

Stay in the light… (poetry)

The light moves
Through dark and greys
The way it soothes
When heart would stray
It won’t lose way

Postscript

I think the sun is likely female

Light is information

Your heart, brain, your nerves electrical

Little light-beings

Not your fleshlight

“I’m sorry Cooper, you had a gift and you didn’t get to use it”

If only my parents would acknowledge their mistakes with their children

The father must be wondering if he’s sending his sister out into the great unknown to see if “I am happy”, in which, “I am not” and I’m stalking my father to see if his address is on the sex registry, where I learned a list “is not forever” – in fact, many states are reducing the length of time a name should be on

My own flesh was surprised to just learn that the list “is not forever”

The list should be one list and forever

Maybe I should go pay the ole father a visit

Will be hard to look upon him without spitting or disgust

Can barely write this now without snarling

The Boomers sold America out

Need land. Want to grow things.

Been disassociating. Have money. Lots.

LAUGHS

I swear to fuck, Edgar just said, “this one’s on me”

He doesn’t want me dying in the street

Been there, done that mentality

I need a lock of his hair and Jone’s skull

Thinking of buying land out in Montana

I’m gonna get him outta that fucking hole

People do it… I’ve read

Years later. A recovery after the government said no.

They were later blessed.

They just went in and did it, danger and all.

Some die trying. Bless.

But many mostly succeed. Determined.

He wants out. It was his final wish. His last will and testament.

Management thought a death would bring in more $$$$. He was disappointed it closed. Surprised. I read his own fucking lines.

I wanna rip his fucking cock out with my teeth

Maybe I should write a story – fictional – and focus on buying land in Montana instead

The desert is probably a terrible place to grow things

Are there trees in Montana? Is there sunshine and a sun? What sort of food can I grow? What are the taxes like? What are restrictions like? Can I have a chicken coop?

Not to slaughter but I’ll steal the eggs – with gratitude and love

I don’t know how to take care of a plant, let alone a chicken…

I could dig a foxhole and protect them tho…

I don’t want to kill the fox tho

The fox is hungry

He will probably be getting fed..

All of God’s creatures can come to me for food

If God will allow me to provide for them

I want to be called Willow, or my land

“Willow acres” or something

1-5 acres is all I am asking for

I have a COE

Please ask God to protect me from my crazy behavior, I’m spinning wild

Should I buy land in Florida? I don’t wanna now – it’s gone – immigration ruined it 😦

*sadface*

The sinkholes, the limestone

Can’t even take a bath after knowing what recently happened to that one brother “in his bed”

What the fuck was he looking at tho? For real? The earth got mad!

Sorry don’t meant to victim blame

Terrible terrible way to go

Sinkholes are to be feared

And most Floridians fear them more than the gators…

Please stop using the animals as entertainment and selling their teeth

I still have mine – and cry

Poor baby gators

Getting their teeth knocked out for a few bucks

God made me so depressed

*sigh*

I always hated investing but now I’m trying to study and learn and just keep going over it until something finally sticks

The ah ha moment

All my research says stay away from the stock market if you don’t want your savings to plummet

I’ve had mine in investment funds for years – growing – ungrowing – I fear to peer

I didn’t know I had any at all

I thought I had lost it all

I have my down payment for my land or home – and I can borrow against it or remove it all (with a penalty)

Or keep investing (with minimal to high risk)

Are banks even interested in a $15k down payment? Does money still talk?

I’m talking 1-5 acres

Is cash still king?

Or do I gotta take in a gift card and doughnuts?

Shouldn’t they be feeding me? To get the sale?

The Army and Marines took me to lunch – more than once – the Marines heartbroken when I chose Army green

Oh boo, my uniforms are obsolete

And I’m so fucking small – I get lost in them now..

Can’t even sell the new ones – even old – cuz they changed uniforms again!!! Immigration is a Trojan horse!

Me and the old vets complain about how these kids don’t leave a building to fight…

They’re planning something sinister

Is Montana a good place to move? About to throw a dart…

Posted on February 7, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

The Answer (thoughts out loud)

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND – is going to be my answer for everything

*arrives at heaven’s headquarters

“Did you experience joy”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local hitler hospital deathcamps

“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local coffee shop

“Would you like cream with that”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

The MRI doc saw me at my worse and noted it wasn’t self-image

After I scolded him for scolding me for making him late for ~~his next~~ appointment with his prostitute (I mean “patient”)

I scolded him for me “not being marriage material” – so I wasn’t worried about making him late

When I don’t even have a husband to go home to…

Caught him trying not to look as I was leaving

All 111 pounds pending surgery (I’m likely not going to get)

I’m gonna start juicing and doing a hardcore regime

When researching, one person beat the odds – but she also had people bringing her vegetables and fruits to encourage her – it took a village – not just her own pocketbook.

Ain’t nobody knocking on my door bringing soup – let alone fresh herbs to juice with so not to die.

I’m getting death threats

(But my doctors do encourage me to stay alive – the male ones anyway)

The females can piss off – they aren’t as smart or empathetic – I hate being under THEIR CARE

HELPS

P.S. don’t try to maintain a schedule – if I pick up on that – I will intentionally make you ~~late~~ lose time/money with the prostitute

I will pick up on it

And now any time he drives to a prostitute, “not marriage material she said”

Some of y’alls addiction’s are costing us

I’m out for revenge

Gonna make you late now everywhere – everyone – everybody

That’s my level of petty

You wanna call the cops on me? Giddyup!

You hate scheduling appointments? Awe. Shame you were such a bitch I’m missing all my classes.

Self help books exist and I can read and do not need a librarian to check out – we got the self checkout system – for once – I can pass go and not pay $200 or look at your face ever again.

The cop likes me there, he gets my sweet side.

Maybe he’s my future hubby

YOU NEVER KNOW

“You that girl I see at the library”

“Yea”

“Why you having the law called on you”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

Posted on February 7, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Apparently I have worth (journaling)

And money

I have TWO investment funds

TWO

I currently can’t contribute to them but I can move them around and they are EARNING intrest

I’m not working currently but I could move them to an outside 401K or IRA

I have them nestled in a “safe” zone and I thought I had drained them and closed them – I had not :p

I had a weird lesson yesterday while waiting on the cops to show up for me – whom never arrived – even after waiting ten minutes in the parking lot – driving off a few blocks – returning and beeping my horn – still no cops – dern.

My future husband may be a cop – and cuffing me would only turn me on – as I’m dead inside with no adrenaline glands to tease me

So please – do as you say you will do – and call

(I did in fact see one turn and head that direction – just like in a video game – I thought – I’m playing real life – the heat is on – retreat.)

But in the games I have adrenaline.

I’m too calm taming the beast.

All these NPC’s getting in the way of my big mission

Cuz I came home and discovered I ain’t broke entirely

I could start the process to withdraw my money – at a 20% taxed penalty.

Or, move my funds into a “high risk” fund.

Maybe start with the smaller account, play around with him first.

I have nearly $12K

One with over 10k (big heart eyes) and one with over 1K (big heart eyes)

Money should make me feel something but it never has

I’m careless spending

I took a loan on it during my transition – thought I pulled it all – apparently I set myself up for success during my fall

AMAZING GOOD GIRL

I do want to take a financial class and I hope my next book I check out will be Americanized and not British – as the book I checked out was all about pounds (it did not say this anywhere on the cover or insert, only in the preface you cunt) – they (the brits) get to sit down on the job – life is different for them – and how they earn thus save. Fuck off, book returned partially read.

I will sign up for free financial assistance – they offer the vets this – fuck us up the ass but say “don’t worry, we offer free advising”

Sign me up

I’m paying attention this time

I still need a husband to manage my finances

I won’t have a husband cuz he’ll message “he’s running late” and I’ll demand a divorce since he’s “seeing a prostitute”

A Skype call will come in 2 minutes later where an entire team will yell “he’s madly in love with you” and he’ll come through the door with chocolate edible roses after the meeting

Since he humiliated me with the Skype call – had me red blushing – the whole office laughing

In 2018 the judge didn’t want to speak to me “until I took three breaths” because “I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind us” and I told her my parents didn’t teach me about credit or those kinds of monsters under my bed – she said hers did and she still messed up

But I thought I drained my retirement savings “staying afloat”

BB had on a life jacket apparently

So I called this morning, “I don’t know why I created a new account when there’s no money in it and I can’t do anything with it”

Well, turns out, I do have money – in two accounts – both earning – they can be moved to other funds (some safe, some risky) or moved to an outside 401/IRA.

If I start work again, I can contribute to them (disabled not obsolete)

I could take it all out right now and buy some land or a home

I’m done pawning things and selling things

I have a “savings problem” just like China (it creates inflation)

Monkey see, monkey do

I urge you to start saving too

Let the window clerk quietly quitting give you the fuel you need

Pick up that dirty money on the ground

I may pick up the lost dirty money but I don’t steal tip money you fucking cunt

Let that be the cue you need to quit spending thousands of dollars on weed that don’t work

The audacity

I am not your sanctuary for healing after you’ve committed a bad deed

My soul has boundaries

My thoughts too

I didn’t tell my sister goodbye when she was dying at age 45

So please, call the cops on me after you’ve insulted me multiple times, I will wait

My future husband may be arriving to arrest me

Maybe I will feel something

Uhm, I’m not as broke as I thought I was!?!

I woke up in a different timeline again

Where I have some retirement investments still – despite the Great Economic fall – I had a lifeline

“Life Jackets worn – nobody mourns” HOOAH

I am a wild anomaly

Still might be homeless soon – can’t have a feeling – but definitely be needing that new carpet if I inhabit these grounds another year

Apparently hotel living can cost about as much as a rental each month – but it may include coffee and zero commitment

Now might be a good time to chill out and not get arrested

It’s just, I’m feeling what Edgar felt and responding accordingly

Sure I look like a crazy wild ape, but they need to learn a lesson

God saw what he needed to see

I would have died with thousands of dollars I had completely forgotten about

LAUGHS

What other gold have I hidden in society

It’s been earning me interest all these years

I think it’s important to discuss savings – so many out here struggling for various reasons

I thought I had lost it all

I have over ten thousand dollars in my one fund (not bragging, many years of investing into my fund through hard work) (getting up them early hours) (staying late) (pulling 60/90 hour work weeks)

Working 12 days straight in a row every month – without a day off – for nearly 8 years

And y’all complain when you go a week…

I worked the other weeks in the month too – just with a weekend off or two

I’m exhausted and disabled

But glad you don’t have to worry about quality control or ethics at your job – I’m done supporting society

And you want your tip first – giveme giveme giveme

Fuck you – I’m not tipping you so you can go get a hand job before you even bring me my meal

Fucking ass cunt

Posted on February 6, 2023 by poeeternal

Broke the new mop cleaning (tales from the crypt)

I. Can’t. Win.

Tried to sell my PS4 rig. Had the cops called on me instead.

I said go on, I’ll wait.

They closed shop.

Waited outside ten minutes, cops never arrived.

Left. Passed a cop. Went back. Drove through and tooted my horn and waved.

Still no cop. Shame.

I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have – the less they work.

Probably cheaper to have bought my items

And before you go taking their side

I honestly had not done anything wrong

I got excited at the mention of cops

“Oh yeah”

“Well go on then, I’ll wait…”

I guess I’m done pawning shit in this town

But I ain’t done tooting!

Looks like I’m keeping the ole PS4 – I’m being cockblocked from selling or deleting my account

And if you threaten the cops on me, make sure you deliver. M’kay.

Oh and… broke the new mop cleaning.

The metal handle twisted like foil.

Gotta get on my hands like Cinderella to scrub.

And buy a new mop. Made of Iron apparently.

Fuck you

Posted on February 5, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Lunar Light (poetry)

This place is set to sink

The message on the soap bar reads
E
S
C
A
P
E
The ghost in the mirror says the same

Snuff out the circus
From steering wheel
One hand will surface
No face but purpose

Maybe John didn’t pray hard enough
He didn’t crawl hard enough
He didn’t bawl long enough
Maybe John had given up…

I’m taking out the trash –
The neighbors “entertainment” blaring from the car window is worse than what’s in the bag

Children are heroin to a pedophile
You shouldn’t leave ANY MAN alone with a child (public counts)
They do it in a crowd

Avoid the stock market
Unless you want –
Your savings to plummet

The way that monster extended his hand for me to walk
The trust it took to cross

He stands in the doorway
Dressed as darkness
As death
Thick as a highway

He rides
Like chance is his market
In a blacked out Chevy
Crying my name

I read through the fine print
You must’ve gaslit
Or put an asterisk*

Chill out babe
People need to eat

They should be chasing me
Like a current
But the crickets are chirping
And nobody knows it

Green yellow red
Tartan
His favorite, he said

Final curtain call
Last watch before the fall

He treated her with little worth
Even when she showed him mirth
On a broken earth

Going out on top, in the middle, or none
It’s all the same sum

He said he needed her
She prepared for the apocalypse
The lies eclipsed between his lips
Lunar light from fingertips

You wanted –
You were denied
Like spear in side
Not dignified –
Hope you like the ride

Today I asked myself, “are you okay?”
But the reply was, “I’m not sure…”

(Tell God I’m lost)

Kidnapping season has arrived
Better hide so I don’t die

I fell so far down the rabbit hole
I nearly lost my soul

The Devil greeted
Said I looked mistreated
Gave money then pleaded
“I’m welcome when needed”

(True stories from the pawn)

🙂

We wipe every trace
Of any mistake

They tremble when I enter room
Eyes spell doom
Searching soon
But for who?

“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”

MY LABS ARE FINE

You lie, I lie. Eye for an eye.

Professionally paranoid
Not me, another boy
At least one is getting paid for

“Life jackets worn
Nobody mourns”
But my vein pours
I’m the Queen of Thorns

Some of these poems deserve their own little graveyard.

Queen of Thorns – Merrie Magdalene – maybe God wants me with no man

I missed his cues. Trembling in my blues. Set a trap or two.

Does he know how hard it was
The darkness
He wanted to turn me into haunted

Thanks for cutting the cord on us
You were really dangerous

He’s unstable
Like a megabomb unlabeled
He cut the cable
He’s so ungrateful
But gave me the label!

He pulled the plug
Couldn’t handle my love
Thinks he’s so smug
But I laid the bug
Lesson comes from above!

Sucker!

GENX – the absolute favorite

“FAIRLY YOUNG – not 400 pounds” (could he be anymore of a pedo tho) (asking for a friend)

(Sorry – autism is real – my thoughts have sound)

His hand is cruel
But the trap I laid was too

There was never any other
The devotion was always him
Every single hour
I had given in

Money in the wallet
Money in the bank
Money sweet like chocolate
Money in the safe

The self-sabotage trap was set
It shone like gold
To a thief – made his tongue wet
He lost his foothold
Have I won the bet?
Did his black heart fold?

THE DEVIL STUDIES ME

What deed does this warrant?
Keep my soul stored in storage

I NEED A FOREST

His hand is too stern
For an Angel
He should’ve waited his turn
He’s cutting lines in hell

“Not competing”
Even when I’m dreaming
Though I don’t know his face
Or where I’m leaning

You terrible fool.

She complained but then
He had her condemned
Didn’t like her dreaming
Couldn’t call her friend

This page no longer exists
You’re careless!

You’re not a king –
Your word doesn’t mean a thing!

Disgusting john
Gone first dawn
Dream was wrong
He’s a moron

Dreams and fantasy do not occur at the same interval

Dreams in mirror are closer than they appear

How to get rid of a ghost during a self-sabotage attack:

[ ] Step 1 – tell him/her you dreamed of another

No child left behind
Except –
I’m in decline
Falling further in line

You need me so bad huh
Prostitutes are the only one to see your face (get dinner too)

“God isn’t here”, he implored!
But did I not give him everything he was asking for?
Endless love –
But still I gave him more.

No one can join, no one can leave
Thank you for releasing me
To the wildebeests
To the north and east
Do you love me least?

Despite all them hours given –
I didn’t earn enough to maintain my blog or equipment
Unlike the prostitutes you are paying – a decent living…

TO ALL – the shoe fits

“I’m not gonna make it”, she cried
“I know”, he yelled, as he cut the line…

(People never mention that he loved her from the moment she walked in the room and said “no you’re not” or that he killed that one guy closer in order to save her, or how the dad said he should be making babies and he next found her on a wild excursion – love is the anomaly sure sure)

Will she even be alive when he gets there, or will she too be crushed by a landslide – like how he cut the cord on her – to fall into a black hole – Murphy’s Law – gotta leave something behind

God gave him everything
Including an an angel with imperfections
The way other poets had written
She made him smitten
Left her in a ditch then
Rode away with his riches
Wondering if love’s where he’s wishing
The endless bitches…

Who gave him the right to punish her with such effect that her wings were stripped and her gift neglect?

He cut me loose
Didn’t know what he would lose

She was an angel in hell
Half-virgin
Overworked and overburdened
Though lesson not emerging
His hand reflecting serpent
Now heaven can’t be summoned

She fell down in a pit of despair
Called a timeout –
He responded, ‘fuck off farewell’

You foolish fool
Pride got best of you

He cut his only lifeline to heaven
Didn’t to count to seven

Three times I would be denied
Stayed by his bedside
Over mortified
Underpaid but hoping he was satisfied
Now contemplating suicide

He pulled the plug
While I was alive and breathing
Telling world what all was needing
To keep on being

Did you forget your heart or something?
Lying on the floor?
All I hear is banging –
Coming from my door.

You’re not anyone to build a foundation with –
Because you have money
I have a little bit

The fat sun hung its head lowly

The answer is still no
Keep knocking though

He doesn’t know if he made the right decision – and he’s right – he really didn’t.

The way hopelessness trickled like a wave
I watched him climb into our grave
Facing death I’m brave
All I can do is turn away

You don’t know what you’ve done
Immaculate fool
Trap set for one
And in you flew

He needed me daily
So I pulled away greatly
Especially what I learned lately
How they pay prostitutes for “dating”

The way you left
In uncertainty
Waving like a theft
But claiming clarity

The world ain’t paradise
He misreads my lines
We’re wrapped in knives
Covered twice in lies

Shared finances?
Forget about it –
More like failed romances,
Where I commit.

Hard cock but weak heart

He left me with nothing
Took the rainbow and the rope
I’m barely coping

Took the boat
See him atop the waves floating
Going directions I ain’t going

Some days you gotta stay down

He had a speedboat
She had a canoe
He cut the cord
Near the waterfall, too

The Devil –
I didn’t know he was so easily triggered –
Who would have figured?

Excuse me,
I’m in the middle of self-sabotage,
Why are you requesting access?

What now honey?
You broke the truce

He fell into my trap
And that’s a wrap

Ask him why I left (he’s bereft)

Fuck! Why is he knocking?
Hasn’t he just left?
He hasn’t been far walking!
And now he’s got requests!

I shared special parts of me
I never shared with anyone
He took advantage of my generosity
Now he’s on the run

Our city is a barren waste
With heart like desolate rock
In a howling state
Give me the glock

I thought I could never live without “man’s best friend”
Until he turned demented
Hailed from a demon
A head that’s fed

I loved you
Any way possible
There wasn’t any doubt
A wide open ocean
There wasn’t any drought

Posted on February 4, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Things that keep me up…

“I’m dying”

“The immigrants stole my job”

“I’m not marriage material”

Which statement would a doctor more likely respond to!?!

If you selected the first or second one, you’d be wrong…

Posted on February 4, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Value (poetry)

My doctor thinks I have value
Maybe one or two?
How about you?

Postscript

Isn’t is my doctors job to keep me around – like I know an IV is plugged into my arm and I’m sitting on an MRI table with little to zero worth – full of self-loathing, scolding my doctor for making him late for his next patient, because “I’m not marriage material” – and he ain’t even a head doctor (therapist)

“How was your Friday night” – see above. Poem included.

Posted on February 3, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

New carpet approved + (journal log)

So the front office approved my new carpet request for renewal – but the replacement is closer to April – my renewal time.

I also have to vacate for a few days – I requested new paint too – but the carpet was the big ticket item I was fighting for – and won. Don’t have to pay anything to have it replaced, so if they don’t paint, I can do that myself. I forgot to ask about the walls, the carpet was the main thing.

I literally would not renew without fresh carpet.

I’m going on six years here.

And, a bunch of units will be vacant soon – and redone – they are letting go of residents apparently. In my building.

New neighbors, new carpet, maybe another lease renewal. I mean, my carpet was approved.

New paint on the walls.

New lighting.

Clean space.

Sanitized.

Do I want out of this God forsaken city? Yes.

Do I want to be homeless? No.

Moving is extremely challenging currently – in an inflated economy – when literally no one returns your calls or emails.

Meanwhile, the place I live has a SIX MONTH waiting list.

And – I’m under a homeowner buy program, I’d be giving up several years progress of that.

I have a COE through my military service – an incentive I earned.

Checking out financing books at the library, gonna take advantage of the tools offered to vets for “financial counseling”, basically starting over.

Right now it’s planning and prep for starting over.

And, there’s big pieces of furniture to be junked – but the junk removal wanted to charge me $300 to remove maybe half a truck load – of not actual junk.

I’ll ask around the neighborhood if anyone wants a recliner leather couch (they will) or a glass table (likely so – that bitch weighs over 500 pounds)

I WANT NEW CARPET – I fought for it – the manager said it’s coming in like a month and a half – plus fairly certain she got me the fresh paint request too!

I’m basically getting new grounds without leaving my grounds – but temporarily vacating for a few says – while maintenance does repairs!

So I’m working on getting everything cleared out!!!!!

I also found out today that I am marriage material – while fighting with my doc

I just got back from an MRI

My doctor complained he’s got to stay over with his other patient because I squirmed and we had to reimage around 15 minutes worth – setting him behind

I said “oh boo”

“I’m dying. The immigrants stole my job, and I’m not even marriage material. So I got more things to complain about”

My doc undoing my IV

“Why do you think you’re not marriage material” (he doesn’t let me answer)

“Well if you think it’s self-image, you’re wrong”

This was the end session

But during the screening he mentioned I was “fairly young” and then “young still” a couple more times

Also when I had to put on scrubs, they barely fit I’m so petite, I complained

He mentioned it was good, lots of “400 pound vets”

So I got a few things going for me still apparently (I’m doing an AAR – leave me alone)

1. I’m fairly young still

2. I’m petite

3. I am marriage material

That’s in scrubs that don’t fit, no makeup, oily hair (it’s being treated so it’s actually clean – I’m deep cleaning my entire existence lol)

Yesterday my physical therapist doctor couldn’t keep his hands off (his job – stop hating just cuz it felt good)

“Bro, why did you execute your wife”

“I didn’t like how the doctor was doing his job”

I must be a nice of fresh air from all the sickly dying vets

My sick and dying is still marriage material

I don’t know how someone pending surgery is marriage material but tis is…

He said “fairly young” but I reminded him I’m still ovulating and trying to “protect the goods” despite “getting on up there”

He was so trying to not look through his peripheral vision as I was leaving bless

I yelled at my doctor for making him late and not being marriage material – but he disagreed

I found out today that I’m getting new carpet and marriage material

I want some new tattoos

Warrior’s get knocked down – and ye I’m pending dying one day – but I ain’t in a wheelchair yet

I overheard one doc telling his patient “but you gotta stop drinking” (he won’t) but mine was high-fiving me and today another doc said I am marriage material

That’s what THE HAND implied

I long for a husband lol

Not one “running late to see his prostitutes”

HONEY WORK CALLS

And they all busy with the kids..

No, get yer ass home!

That fucking hand

And the dream wasn’t even sexual you psychopath

You were just waiting for me to fuck up – *rolls eyes*

I am trying to fix my self-image – apparently it’s destroyed – I need new carpet and a tattoo.

I’m probably juicing instead of surgery but holistic things cost a lot in an inflated market

I didn’t think I had any worth – but I got my 20 minutes in of rebounding today.

Small white girls are incredibly exotic

And desired

I’m not even wearing earrings anymore

I have freckles and bags and worry lines

My peach must be made of platinum – atomic number 78 – and the year I was born

I want a new blog

But then, there’s contending with the “rules for thee, not for me” agenda everywhere I go

You read through the fine print?

We can change whatever we want – whenever we want – we don’t have to notify you

I can’t even delete my PS Sony account – like wtf

I thought I was swearing off men forever – not all women are gold-diggers, or cheaters.

And I’d like to help some of those 400 pound vets not die

From their inflictions and addictions

Rebounding is saving my life

I was always in a leadership role

I need to find purpose with my life again

I just want updated things! I was completely left behind in society!!!!! I’m allowed to complain!!! Stop silencing me! The complaint wasn’t about you or us!

I think you threw away whatever you threw away despite me trying to get you to move to my free account (now deleted)

“I don’t understand metaphor”

Whatever helps you sleep at night

For me, new carpet would help. I’d sleep on it. Instead of this terrible bed!

It’s going in the trash bin!

Like everything in my life!!!!!!

Selling the ps4 and games at the pawn soon!!!!

Gonna cost nearly $200 for a 3 year commitment to a new blog, but generally $150 annually.

Even tho – most of the big cats have taken all the traffic.

We’re paying to chase our tails

I just wanna write!

It’s ridiculous I gotta pay extra to hide my identity from the web!

“Privacy protection”

SCREAMS

And I went to Aldi for the first time – with a brain injury – unprepared

I want my own fucking yard

I don’t know how I’m asking for much

The library hooked me up with some seeds

I have 8 or 9 new seeds to grow things in my windowsill or whatnot

Books checked out from the library

Apparently men are still interested in women my age – despite looking like Edgar Allan Poe did 5 minutes before he died.

It’s very important to me to keep writing – God knows why (I wish he’d let me know)

I can’t just buy a domain anymore and hook it to a blog – you gotta get a plan – blah blah blah

But I already have a new identity

Bet I made the doc late for his dinner with his prostitute – or maybe he reserves Friday nights for “the wife”

I like that we both yelled at each other but didn’t get mad

He still thought I was marriage material after scolding him for making him late for his next patient

I’m so much drama in such a small frame

Need a hubby…

But he’ll divorce me because I told the doctor “yes that feels good”

I bought cabbage and stuff to make soup

They threw enough “energy” at me to “heat things up” and energy is radiation I think – had enough so getting offline now

Gonna be easier to let more things go tomorrow – knowing the new carpet is coming soon – getting my little apartment redone – might can survive the rest of the apocalypse

Keep praying for me…

Trying to get back on my feet

Not a wheelchair – and I’m happy for those who get the new top of the line ones!!!!

Not all disabilities are visible!!

The only way I’d sign another year lease here – was to get the carpet replaced

It took nearly 3 weeks to get approval on that!

Got it today!!!!!!

Posted on February 2, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Physical therapy (journaling)

Physical therapy has been scheduled for once weekly

So many vets coughing and being issued “Cadillac” wheelchairs – top of the line deathbeds – meanwhile – my new doctor is high-fiving me every step of the way – got knocked down – don’t intend to stay down.

Also – he was impressed with my rebounding results – and we’re focusing on core strength and conditioning – as well as stretching exercises.

There’s a program I was emailed – already downloaded the app *sigh* but my doc can keep up with my progress. You earn achievements.

It’s better than a coffin in the ground.

Those Cadillac wheelchairs swivel, the seats. But it’s not enough incentive for me to die.

Walking cane is a weapon, I told the front desk jokingly. He concurred.

Cute psychotic homicidal bitch.

Love two boys exactly the same.

They both ghosted me.

Too much woman all petite

Can’t handle me

I’m still recovering from not dying

18 months in…

Doc was impressed with my quads

Tough little bitch

Told him “ten minutes a day” and I’m up to twenty – but ten is all you need

He said he had 4 girls

Bet he’s gonna get his wife rebounding and the fam 🙂

He got on his computer, “this is what you use”

“Yep, one of them. Mine’s a Gold Gym – does the trick – but they got some costing a grand”

The fact that he looked up a rebounder tho 🙂

Cuz the peach is looking rump – it works the core – no need for high jumps or tricks – it’s resistance training – and my heart is responding really well – there’s zero impact to your joints – doesn’t upset my bones – and my physical therapist doctor did not instruct me to stop – and I appreciate he checked to understand the equipment I was using to get well.

But the peach 🙂

Also, despite the protein increase intake, I am 111 pounds.

When laying on my stomach, my peach is peachy – round rump

Gotta keep going

He said, “you go 20 without stopping”

And I said “yep”

But explained how I had to work up to those minutes.

2 minutes to start, then 5.

10 a day is all you need – I’m mostly 20. But do take an occasional rest day – and not fret.

I mark my calendar now, with the minutes jumped

Every step counts

My fucking heart hurts and it’s hard to breathe

But he taught me new stretches that actually help.

Got a good team now. Trying to be present.

The clerk made me a coffee before I left. From their personal stash. He poured a shit ton of cream in. He had the good stuff. LOL

Anyhoo

Would be hardluck dating currently

“No sorry, busy that day”

And to find out it’s because I’m actually metamorphosing or something

Or that I have a crush with my doctor

But then – I have a crush on too many men – and it seems to get me in trouble

(I don’t actually have a crush on him but he was cute despite his mask on)

I’m professional. Chill.

Yesterday. All I saw was a white hand signaling me to cross – his SUV completely darkened – broad day – all I saw was a hand – it was just HOW he extended his hand for me to cross – the way it went down flat – in slow mo – as not to rush me – tho it takes trust obviously for these psychopaths not to run me over.

He liked my leggings presumably.

Even had a lady compliment me about them at the library

I was in such a depressed monotone state too – my attempt at being social felt awkward – like why did I have to speak other than “thank you”

“I got them at the mall” – as if only poor people dress like me (I’m self-loathing but looking hella cute)

But she wanted to know which store

“One of them seasonal shops in the middle, today is the last day”

Anyhoo – the way for him to signal for me to cross – like I had worth

Despite the cheap sandals

It requires effort and work to look like a professional fuck up

You don’t get a peach like this just being skinny

The quads are getting thick

The doc pointed out the strength

“The rebounding”, I exclaimed!

Been hard at it this year daily effort – and to be 20 minutes a day – still feeling the burn – but not needing to break for water…

You don’t need to spend loads of money getting equipment

I asked should I wear a belt or not

He advised against it, saying it makes the muscles “not need to work”

But he might be ordering me a ball (can’t remember the correct term) and some other thangs – just stated he didn’t want to overload me

Road to recovery continues

Need my mental health to catch up to my peach – heart still needs mending

Embarrassing, at my young age, got cardiopulmonary visits to attend

Told him, “those fucking vaccines”

“Crawled into the second one the way John Jones kept crawling into that hole”

So – he needed to know the condition of my heart before we proceeded with whatever we we’re going to do

He really improved my breathing with those stretches – love the detailed plan that was sent over – got some good doctors still

He didn’t have to order me a wheelchair, I got several high-fives, there may be hope for me yet 🙂

“After you” is all the hand implied

These fuckers are one pedal away from crazy, and I even crazier with the trust it takes to cross the street – or a running vehicle signaling me to go

But he was going so fast you know, I was willing to wait

“The hand” insisted with its one sweep

Couldn’t even see a face – so hidden

No point in looking back – windows blacked out

He was in a hurry to get where he needed to go – until I had to cross

Probably liked the leggings…

I’m basic and boring but like not

Top of the tier white trash

They forget they have yellow fever when they see me

I told my therapist that I did in fact have a plan b, but I wasn’t sure if it fell under planning, told her I have a mantra and motto now, “suicide is humane” but that I got my library card instead of a gun – and I graduated to another group class – this one 8 weeks long.

I’m like, “can we at least wait until I find out if I’m homeless or not” and so that was pushed back to April thankfully (the classes)

I sat there holding that extra calendar this morning, until God said “someone will need it” and I felt so awkward taking one solo calendar in – to place where other free shit normally is – only nothing was there – and I only had the one calendar to give – and a month has already passed, plus we’re day 2 February, but God said…

And not even 7:30 am some distressed vet at the front desk asking if they happened to have any calendars left – and they did not

And I told him loudly, “well God told me someone would be needing one, and I sat one down at the entrance if it is still there” – he hurried off

I thought, “he’ll return if he got it and let me know”

He fucking got it and was still reading it AFTER I went in and exited my appointment

Bless

Someone in fact did need a calendar

Two days into February…

God gives me assignments that make me feel awkward but I do them anyway…

People notice when I’m in a room

Or outside…

Am I too proud?

I certainly don’t look it with my head down

Even when my hair is untamed and a rope hanging round my neck – I swear – they see something I don’t

HIS HAND

My God – I’ll be dreaming of it and my future boyfriend will ghost me because of it

“Bro, she was perfect, why did you let her go”

She cheated on me, in a dream

Posted on February 2, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Too Heavy (poetry)

Forgive me
Of these sins I carry
Wandering
Lost in hell

Check my itinerary
Turning left with Mary
Uphill cemetery
No cross too heavy

Postscript

Decade at this and Poe died on the street.

Looking back – leaving the Devil in the dust – picking up my run.

Put away my gun.

Eyes focused. Sun.

I’ve been unable to delete my Playstation account – via phone or web. Infinite loop.

Called the New York times today and bit a hole in their asshole. Data deletion kind of pending. Gotta jump through hoops.

I’m aside myself.

At Starbucks, in public, I saw a Mexican grooming a young white female.

The way she clung to her drink – her straw – not making eye contact with him.

The things I overheard.

The way he puckered his lip.

How I just stood there – like a fawn -idling in my car – until she looked at me – saw my distress – and I pulled off left her there, in her pigtails and little dress – ordered my coffee appallingly – swore off society again – spent all day having issues controlling my breathing or my heart – like a unending panic attack – I threw away everything in my closet – swearing off anything sexy – and men likely forever – drowning in sorrow like a little bitch – remembering scenes at MacDonalds as a young girl I’d rather not recall

Knowing calling the cops with suspicion and hearsay is futile – knowing the propaganda they serve

I’ve gone insane

But then today

Sitting in my car

Pondering to keep an extra calendar I acquired or not – deciding that someone in fact may still need one – it being February 2nd and all – someone may have decided they need a calendar after all.

Not even 20 minutes later – awaiting my appointment – someone at the counter – “you don’t have anymore calendars do you?”

They did not…

I spoke up – “oddly enough God told me someone might need one, and I dropped one off at the front where the coffee normally is”

He promptly went and scored his new calendar, came back with it proudly.

He was still looking over it as I was leaving my appointment, like a half hour later.

Bless.

He probably won’t ever throw that calendar away.

Meanwhile, I’ve got monsters ~~breaking me~~ freeing me from a curse

I don’t have time to finish this conversation because I have a physical therapy appointment to attend.

I’m doing things.

Got my 20 minute rebound session in.

The peach is looking rather rump.

Round rump.

The abs are solid hard core

To be homeless or not be homeless

That is the question?

Answers are coming

P.S.S.

I can’t help the people I love.

I can’t stop giving.

I know things before they happen.

Little things.

Like someone needing a calendar.

WTF is that!?!

What have they done to me?

What powers do I possess?

Posted on January 22, 2023January 23, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Marsh (poetry) I LOVE YOU

He’s the first one
At my den
Sitting front face
Right where he’s been

And when he’s out there
In the harsh marsh marching
Blood for his pen

I know his foot steps
Right where I’m sinking
Count on him

Like one through ten
The alphabet but then

He smells of gin
Spice or cinnamon
He’s like a ghost in quicksand
Cynical and disciplined

He’s the whole world listening
When I speak
He’s the sun peeking in!

Even when light’s missing
He’s thinking when
“Will I see you again”

As if the earth just doesn’t spin…

I got carried away with this rhyme

And maybe he’s my imaginary friend

But there’s only so many letters in the alphabet for him to appear

I speak in morse code – maybe he can hear

Is my rambling clear?

It’s freestyle dear… 🙂

Posted on January 22, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Too Calm (journal log)

I’m told I’ll be getting a renewal invite to remain at the heart of darkness.

It’s been nearly one year since that couple was gutted in the street – by a black immigrant – simply because they were “white” – and now they’re dead – and he gets 3 meals a day, a free roof over his head, dental, and an HOUR of sunshine for his MENTAL HEALTH – on us (the tax slave payers dollars = time/energy)

The political thugs in gold chains now want your signature – soliciting anywhere they legally can: the library, the mall, the medicinal shops.

Overjoyed.

I don’t know where I’m going – but I don’t have to prove anything to “remain here” as I’ve been stuck in purgatory so long now – I don’t have to provide any evidence of my existence.

Just keep paying the rent….

Do as say

But I yelled at the boomer Publix employee, “no bitch, you lost a fucking customer FOREVERRrrr”

Apparently we became a cashless society and she felt the need to rub it in, three times, scolding me in front of everyone around, my cash in hand, unable to pay.

“It says it right there” (honestly, you only need to point out my failure ONCE)

I’ve boycotted Publix forever

There’s poison and sugar and “natural flavor” in everything now anyway

“How did she die”

“Starved to death…”

“White people work out one time and be skinny” (latest neighborhood report on me)

The upside: they think I’ve only worked out once. Skinny. Weak bitch.

Let that be my fucking gain

In fact, at Burger King yesterday, the Mexican manager came out with two of her BLM pimps, when I told her to “step outside”

He was very upset when he heard me say, “oh you had to bring your pimps with you huh”

Very upset he got

Truth in fact hurts

I drove off too calm

The adrenal glands were not working

Even pulling off

“I’m too calm”

“Had to bring your pimps huh” I continue to yell, as traffic at the window was at a stop

They gonna run off all their white costumers with their terrible service

I ordered the “impossible king” and apparently that’s too complicated for certain species to get right

Though I repeated my order THREE times

Fuck it

I like starving anyway

I got my library card tho

And holyshit, that’s where I’ll be at the end of the world

Check the libraries

Leave clues a 5 year old could solve (anything harder and I’ll read the data wrong and wind up stuck in a fucking hole – as is now – with a heart condition – thanks to “television” and government – whom I no longer listen to in any capacity)

At least the library is ad free

I can read in silence

Love the smell of the old books

All them lies

There are perks to not being homeless (yet)

Aside from the thugs trying to solicit my signature in the parking lot – everywhere I go

In their gold chains…

I wanna puke

Stop talking to me

From now on

When someone interrupts whatever I’m doing solo

“Did I give you permission to talk to me”

And the ghosting will begin

And please cross my shadow

I know you’re trying so hard to break me out here

Of being a good Soldier, a good soul

But I swore my hand before the flag and God – and on my heart – and signed the dotted line – took my blood and all – to protect and defend the USA and its citizens – not DEMONS

And right now you stepping all up in the “fine print”

I dated for a lifetime and have nothing to show for it

STOP LOOKING AT ME

I’m ready to spit on these thug politicians in the street

FUCK OFF BRO

You can’t have my signature, my name, or my soul

Go back to your porn and prostitutes

I was trying to enjoy the jazz event – and men breaking their eyeballs to get a look

STOP LOOKING

I had to hold back the tears

Pretend the music was getting to me

Next week I hang with a cop who teaches about a Daytona Beach serial killer

Exciting! They want us living in fear!

Do I want to say yes to the “true encounters Daytona Beach serial killer” event. Yes I do.

I’m not even a jazz fan – but I went – and enjoyed (still cry anywhere)

The audiobook helped me not stalk anyone

But apparently I’m not allowed to order food anymore anywhere

Unless a yuppie place

I found something that sparked joy in me

It matches my values – it offers self-improvement and the entertainment is how it should be – without disruptions or ads

Easy scrolling interface

Eventually I’ll make my way to the science museum

The skate park and rinks

I checked out an express book

I’m 8 chapters in

I’m becoming present – and creating boundaries and discipline

My mind needs exercise – the books provide

The 2 week express lane gives me a challenge

You can’t renew those

I got my library card and it’s bringing me happies – can’t describe

So much to do too – free classes, movies at the auditorium, events…

I was also the youngest person at the jazz event

If you’re thinking about killing yourself – maybe get a library card instead

And be present

Read what you check out

Set time aside to read

Luckily – my first book was large print – that’s made reading a pleasure – no headaches or squinting – though the writer is a pedo – he’s brilliant – it’s no wonder I grabbed his book – of all books on the “new” shelf (express check out and no renewal)

I like all the digital perks that come with my card – as well as the real world perks – and I’m tapping into all

NOT READY TO DIE

But these monsters are ready for me to shed my light

I’m too calm…

Posted on January 22, 2023 by poeeternal

Economics of the Underground Commercial Sex Economy

A new Urban Institute study sheds light on America’s underground commercial sex economy
— Read on apps.urban.org/features/theHustle/mobile/index.html

Old data. Since then the pimps have overtaken the White House and now sex toys are sold in front of children!

Posted on January 21, 2023 by poeeternal

Do We Want Mexifornia? | Flood of Illegal Immigration into California

Thousands arrive illegally from Mexico into California each year—and the state is now home to fully 40 percent of America’s immigrants, legal and illegal.
— Read on www.city-journal.org/html/do-we-want-mexifornia-12236.html

And now they can vote! Anyone can vote! Sex toys are sold in front of children!!!!!!

America is gone!!!! Too many hands in the cookie jar!!!!!

Posted on January 21, 2023January 22, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Wage war on the cartels killing Americans

Wage war on the cartels killing Americans
— Read on www.cotton.senate.gov/news/op-eds/wage-war-on-the-cartels-killing-americans

Posted on January 20, 2023 by poeeternal

In-between (poetry)

I’m thick but thin
A contradiction
I’m wrought with sin
Mary Magdalene

The in-between is the longest
Gotta keep it honest –
John faced doubt like Thomas
Crawling like a novice

Hurry hurry rush / complacency

Removing compression
Lifetime depression
I love in discretion
I’m stuck in level seven
Suicidal without question

The devil has congregated where I sit!
The conversation’s better than this!

“Who dies many times before their death?”
The snake said under his breath –
“I like you best”

You will experience three deaths:
First the day you die
Second buried under sky
The last time your name’s replied

The sun is radio signals
The rain on my windows
My smile and my dimples
The end and middle
My skin and wrinkles

And Saturn is a satellite
I hope I hear from him tonight
Swinging in with moonlight
Watch for him by daylight
Got a big appetite

I am downward spiral
Hand won’t swear on Bible
I am God’s disciple
I am homicidal
Calmly in denial

“Well tell me you have hope”
It includes a smile and a rope!
Busy climbing but that’s not a nope!
Dying is a slippery slope

He looked on like I wasn’t average
What caused his absence?
Needed a moment to balance?
Slipped into madness?
Could he see my sadness?

I lay awake and alone in a dark and sprawling and empty house
Without a spouse
I don’t even have a mouse
Just a “dirty mouth”

“Miracle cures” –
Snake oil ain’t pure!
Satanic for sure!
Hell’s got constant tours!

The Great Filter is narcissism is a plague spread by Biblical propaganda, prostitution, and porn. These nihilists make you wish THEY were never born.

I don’t own anything but sorrow. Tell God I’ll see him tomorrow?

Posted on January 20, 2023 by poeeternal

44 Shocking Animal Shelter Statistics (2022 UPDATE) | Petpedia

Unfortunately, most animal shelter statistics paint a sad story. Though the progress in the years is evident, there’s plenty that can be done in 2022.
— Read on petpedia.co/animal-shelter-statistics/

Hail Hitler! He’s alive!

I’m old and sick! Euthanize me!!!!!

It’s not 60k annually anymore. The numbers are much much worse.

“Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct”

And children are being conditioned as children to support prostitution and porn. That’s why the divorce rate is 100%!

Posted on January 19, 2023 by poeeternal

Ex-Porn Star Tells the Truth About the Porn Industry

Shelley Lubben, an ex-porn star, discusses the destructive, drug infested, abusive, and sexually diseased world of porn the porn industry.
— Read on www.covenanteyes.com/2008/10/28/ex-porn-star-tells-the-truth-about-the-porn-industry/

They’re all spreading diseases. Even the silent ones. The enemy knows how to destroy a nation.

Posted on January 18, 2023 by poeeternal

4 Dangers of Pornography

There are dangers of pornography that ensnare people every day. Knowing those dangers will help us avoid its devastating consequences.
— Read on www.allprodad.com/4-dangers-of-pornography/

Kids are gone in America. Little demons.

Posted on January 18, 2023 by poeeternal

3 Reasons Why Watching Porn Is Harmful (And Research Is Proving It)

Just like it took decades for science to prove that smoking cigarettes was harmful, we are learning a similar lesson with porn in our society today. Science and research are proving that porn harms…
— Read on fightthenewdrug.medium.com/3-reasons-why-watching-porn-is-harmful-and-research-is-proving-it-bc572b1b0abf

The elite are building a society of psychopaths and narcissists period. They serve Satan, Black Holes, Dark suns, worlds, darkness in general, they are demented demons without a soul. They are nihilistic at their core.

Posted on January 18, 2023 by poeeternal

sigh (journal log)

I went and got some medicinal

After several days of cold cutting

And zero sleepz in the nightz

I caved

Got 1 vape the size of Texas, a 10 pack of indica blueberry edibles, and 7g worth of “premium ground”

Back home – hit the pen twice – feel the happies

I arrived “can you check my pen, I don’t know if it’s charging/working or in my head”

Gave myself 3 options tho

1. Cold cut quit (aggressive)

2. Not renew my state license in April – ween myself – slow quit

3. Not quit – pay the ridiculous fees – to maintain

4. Vote for recreational (nope, you’ll have to cut my dick off before I ever get out again and vote)

Look where voting for medicinal got me: an addiction

Prior to the government getting involved, weed never gave me no kind of addiction

Unless you count the feel goods

I’m literally more motivated on it

Suddenly, with my new flock of bird neighbors – and the medicinal two toke hit after several days none, I feel like I could clean up the slums

There’s a Gold’s Gym down the road – could like join

I’ll have to disassociate from dudes watching me

I think the guy at the shop is into me

Not sure how I wound up with six bucks back but took my buck and he was like “you got another five”

I only took X amount of cash in to avoid overspending

But between the 50% off deals + another military discount + more cash back than I had calculated, I’m square

Paid like 40 bucks or something

Also, the blueberry eddies are 10mg pieces, so I’ll be eating one with my dinner / evening bath

Not smoking to disassociate, just to function :p

I’m at a crossroads in my life

I decided to throw everything overboard!

I may jump!

Not to die!

To jump ship!

It’s terribly hard being autistic and suicidal: “how yah doing today”

“I ain’t looking for a bridge to leap, and the sun is out!”

Politically probably not correct but honest to the core

The other customer was listening to me order and him give me all kinds of recommendations lol

“I haven’t slept in 3 days and sometimes I just need a sativa”

I think he pretty much ordered everything – I went in as a walk-in

But he seems keen to service me

And she was like “sorry for listening” lol

But I was trying to hurry cuz others arrived and I even offered to get out of line – anyhoo – he listened to what I needed – his suggestions were good – including where I could buy a decent pipe to smoke the flower, cuz the shop I went to sold me a non working glass pipe – and I love wasting my money

Right now I got rice papers from the medicinal shop – and those were tricky to learn – but they are slow burning – and aren’t as strong (very smooth paper but probably poisoned)

Like I registered to vote for recreational a couple months back – but that was before my meltdown

I’m having a midlife crisis

Right now I’m sitting on clean linen and thinking I might could manage this dump a bit longer – if it means land for me in the future

If I were to renew, I’d want fresh paint and carpet.

I mean, the apartment is nearly empty and I’d pay them an extra $200 to lay some fresh paint

(The carpet would need to be a free replacement as part of the renewal agreement – especially as long as I’ve been here – and the COVID pandemic)

This isn’t a good time to be homeless

People aren’t returning emails or phone calls about places I wanna live

And “Astoria” was a big mistake

I don’t want anywhere near this county or HollyWood

I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m going to do

I have a very busy day doing real world stuff

I hate real world and would rather disassociate

Because people are involved

And I have to be civil

I identify as Angelic and this is spiritual warfare

I’m like fight mode 24/7

The birds moved near me

It’s changing me

I don’t disassociate making content and I wanna get in the headspace to get back at it

I’ve been self-loathing

But also working out – I wanna get the peach in shape

The boobs need a little weight

Half my kitchen was donated or trashed

Some is packed – it might get trashed too

Pantry is empty

Everything is on the table remaining

The lease is up in April

There’s been no invite to renew yet nor have I given any 60 day warning

Don’t know what month to month rent would cost (like if I needed an extra 2 or 3 months to find my new home) (and stay without a 12 month lease) (if they still do that the costs go up)

I don’t want to be homeless dying

My bathtub is good enough

As far as rebuilding my financial wealth – I’m working on it

The little cushion I have, doesn’t go far in a 40% inflated economy – realistically – and per research

If I could get to a gym – and get outside these walls

I’m just re-inventing myself – even if to start fresh

I need a sterilized and stable foundation

I prayed to God “I need to be closer to Pretty Bird” and he sent me a flock

Swear to fuck

Clean bed sheets tonight

Weed

I have to be careful with this new age shit, it can trigger my ptsd and suicidal ideation

Sometimes you need to take a break and let other people order for you

I don’t really want folks offing themselves – I say terrible things – I’ve slept with the devil

God knows I sinned

I tell him often I’m not worth anything – while begging “don’t let me die here”

It’s complicated

I’m hungry

Food is good

I have leftover soup and bread

I’m trying to find my place in this world – and balance

I’m a Soldier, I like working out – but now I do things differently since I’m at risk of ASDS

So proud of myself for finally reaching my ten minute rebound goals this week

And then 20… 🙂

I’m glad people notice my efforts in the real world – I’m sensitive about my skin scars and stretchmarks tho

Don’t mind my giggly boobs but they need some foods (been ill but also working out and detoxed too)

Got down to 110 in fact, now putting the weight back on

Was 112 last at the VA (will check soon)

Been several weeks tho and I’ve been rebounding most of January 🙂

I’m starting to see thick in the front – like the quad maybe or thigh area

My leg muscles are forming more and tight

My stomach is pretty flat but could be better

I want more tattoos 🙂

Would help make the new me 🙂

Something feminine and cliche

Flowers

Wouldn’t mind some tasteful flowers on my hip area but I gotta find a real artist

I don’t want to decide what will look good on me and the exact spot

Like bro, do your fucking job

I need to hire a decorator for my new lifestyle

I’m a Soldier and poet

I know war and I know words (terribly)

These days it’s the algorithm fucking me up 95% of the time

I miss being a Soldier

I miss my comrades

Gift giving is the heart of tribal union – exchanging gifts. Now I know why I do this.

It’s not my fault others think it’s “too much” or never return anything. I wasn’t in it for returns.

I give because I want to

It’s tribal

I have the eldest and rarest bloodtype – with only 6-11% of the population having it

Part of the 240k woke too

I’m kinda in a cult aren’t I

Hungrz

Must eat!

Posted on January 17, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Value (micropoetry)

Got rid of everything you touched
I learned the value wasn’t much

Posted on January 17, 2023January 17, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

‘Girlfriend experience’ and ‘porn star experience’ – the facts vs the myths.

Seeing a sex worker for the first time is one of life’s greatest thrills. But it comes with a bit of a learning curve. If this is a recent hobby, you may have noticed two of the most common phrases in the escort industry: ‘girlfriend experience’ (GFE) and ‘porn star experience’ (PSE).
— Read on tryst.link/blog/girlfriend-experience-and-porn-star-experience-the-facts-vs-the-myths/amp/

“Life’s greatest thrills” huh!

Regular women should stop having sex with men. Let them pay for it forever more, the fantasy! They’re so bored with us anyway. They don’t want sensual sex. That isn’t what the porn industry conditions them to do, nor the prostitutes.

And it states right here, “porn isn’t real. Big dicks and endless sex isn’t real”. “You have to treat your PSE professionally”

Meanwhile the divorce rate is over 85%

I feel I was left behind sexually.

The only justice is knowing these prostitutes are actually miserable and disassociating while performing sex work. It’s fake fantasy. Delusions of grandeur. Unrealistic.

But the money is under the table and tax free and many men go during “working hours”

So I’m no longer looking at man in the real world – in any capacity

They won’t stop looking at me tho

Posted on January 17, 2023January 17, 2023 by poeeternal

Big Porn & prostitution (not opinion, FACT)

They’re in-love with the porn stars and prostitutes (according to scientific studies)

Except, it’s not real.

The prostitutes – according to studies – create alternative personas while doing sex work – causes negative mental health – and men do not need to be tested for STD or STI – even though they are the silent carriers – often without any signs or symptoms – which can lay dormant for years – and parasites and cancer can be spread from semem, as well as simple skin-to-skin contact.

I’ve shared every study backing this up.

The prostitutes “rub their back” before doing sex work – and they do not use the same style to connect in their personal lives – they make up personas to get through the sex work – many were abused as children, forced into sex work.

Prostitution is a direct link to sex trafficking – making prostitution legal creates MORE human trafficking – which they now have undeniable proof of.

Many countries have made prostitution legal, while other countries have made it illegal but still sell sex via entertainment – creating street hookers, violence, and other negative social impacts. The doors to America remain open for sex trafficking.

Furthermore, the divorce rate is over 85%.

Prostitutes do not “enjoy” their line of work – disassociating from what they do – separating personal life from work – over 75% remain “single” and “would never marry the men they service” – even though they program them to love them (some maintaining sex relations with “repeat customers for years”)

And the fact that they can’t fall in love or show signs – makes it more exciting to them

They walk in with their dicks hard and ballsack full – ready to shoot them their biggest load

These prostitutes don’t even like the line of work

Porn and prostitution is creating monsters in a soulless society

Women and children at home – suffer extreme abuse

Porn isn’t real – it’s fantasy football. It’s soap operas in the nude on repeat. Porn stars fucking themselves in the ass with a wine bottle for decades – then taking a drink

Same story over and over

And the men get hooked as CHILDREN – many get into porn and prostitution by their own fathers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have brain rot! Their primal side of the brain is activated – hence all the crime!!!!!!!!!

It’s the devil!

They’re selling sex toys at the mall and Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, Dolls Kill, and many more! It’s not behind a curtain!!!

It’s a society of sickness

Our very foundation is built on a sin and lie

All so men can go to war in exotic lands and experience exotic women – while the wives are at home

It’s turned into a well-oiled beast

It’s demon vs human down here (likely opinion but I identify as Angel Baby)

They say in the press that “narcissism is rare” but it’s actually a plague

They say psychopaths “are born” but a “narcissist is made”

Yeah, and it starts in the Bible (narcissism is throughout), with porn and prostitution

Big government is to blame

“The sins of the father”

Apparently you will experience 3 deaths: one when you die, the second when you are buried, and third and finally, the last time your name is ever said.

I’ll probably wind back in “Misery” because there’s only one person I want to see me dead – or bury me.

So if I wind up in his yard half-alive, it won’t be long. I will likely be nude – like our dear Edgar, to keep with tradition

Don’t make fun of my emaciated frame

You don’t know what holes I crawled out to get here

I was reaching depth blackout – but I am slowly retreating – and repenting these days – I think that’s what the holes in the wall mean – repentance and awakening

God put me down here on this earth to judge you

Taking my freedom of speech – silencing me from atrocities – will not stop me from truthmonging

But I’m still a woman with needs unmet, with a private strip club, where the devil is kept (poetry)

LAUGHS

Apparently it’s not a good time to move but I feel I will die if I stay here (it’s not just a “feeling”, there are many red flags)

90% of all homicide happen by men (verifiable)

Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct (verifiable)

We are in a 6th mass extinction (verifiable) (over never ending porn, prostitution, sex trafficking over 6000 years)

The leaders running things serve Luci

Apparently I was right about the enemy in the White House because the females are upset the law was changed (mostly voted in by men) – that they cannot show their shoulders

LAUGHS

They kept fucking with the female Soldiers changing the regulations telling us how to wear our hair, nails, makeup. I got out.

It was already strict when I swore my life to “America and our way of life” – which has been completely destroyed by immigration

Had no idea the waters I was swimming in

I had no idea the seabed could drag you down due to gravity – and with the pressure of the ocean above – you sink quickly

They are turning Florida into Dubai – but FL is limestone – and sinking – so not a good idea

The floods, the condos collapsing, I ain’t all talk

You have to turn it off if you want to change

I know you think you want how you are – but I don’t buy it

You have to remove predictive programming

I never said it was easy

I’m done supporting toxic masculinity society

I just still have hope I might get through to someone – who might change for the better

As far as the hypocrisy of doing nude art, I’m not compromising my soul, I find it therapeutic, I’m not disassociating to make photography or poetry

At the moment I’m overcoming dying and a major illness – heart inflammation and depression

I’m barely working or putting out content unless you count my blog work – and WordPress says I’m on a 19 day streak or something

I’m also in the middle of getting rid of everything I own – either in an attempt to save my life or end it

The odds are set

I’m just awaiting the verdict

And if I’m gonna be “responsive or reactive”

Don’t judge me

That’s my job, that’s what God put me here to do (potentially)

In the court room: “because God ordered me to do it”

The only thing God should be ordering you to do, is “tender mercy” (tho I’m not obliged to be telling him what you outta do)

God can hear me cursing outside his church

I live in hell…

Posted on January 16, 2023January 16, 2023 by poeeternal

But it’s what men want…

catwinternational.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Ten-Reasons-for-NOT-Legalizing-Prostitution.pdf

Prostitution is a root cause of sex trafficking, but it’s what men want…

They want us living in fear, not just Black Lives Matter.

Yesterday I was having chest pains and no weed but today some birds moved in next to me and I got a nap

The sun is finally out

Posted on January 16, 2023 by poeeternal

Why Do Men Buy Sex? – Scientific American

They form attachments and bonds
— Read on www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-men-buy-sex-2012-10-23/

I’m no longer available as a girlfriend or a wife

Posted on January 16, 2023January 16, 2023 by poeeternal

Yellow Fever (poetry)

I’m not Asian. I’m not a 10. I’m over 29. I’m God’s orphan.

They bleach their skin. Cuz Black Lives Matter. And according to the census, White lives don’t. FACTS

Asia number one

And I would’ve probably believed in the whole biblical bullshit had they not tried to convince me about some magical woman getting pregnant without any cum or some dude walking on water and now they want me to believe in dark matter, dark suns, dark worlds, dark planets – I mean you’re fucking delusional and I believe in death.

Narcissism is a plague

Those in “control” are nihilists

Man comes from vagina

Woman does not come from ~~rib of man~~ but vagina

FACTS

The first Bible can be traced back to Asia

“Made in China” – that’s what every Bible should say – not just the version cuz it’s been rewritten to serve Satan a million times

The Good Book with “words of Christ in red” should have never been rewritten. Period. Red flags. It’s conditioning.

And I knew it was all about control when I was just age 5.

I hated the cold atmosphere of school – and the misinformation taught

I even asked my mother, “who is in charge of what they teach us”

She is possessed by the Devil

She swears it is me…

LAUGHS

It was a terrible toxic environment

The folks need dying and dead

Gutted in the fucking street

Maybe then I’d get some sleep…

Posted on January 15, 2023January 15, 2023 by poeeternal

Principalities and Powers

Demonic forces never stopped running through human affairs. We just stopped seeing them.
— Read on www.theamericanconservative.com/principalities-and-powers/

People like killing dogs and cats too. Facing my own issues with an animal; I find end-of-life services to be inhumane and Hitler regime.

Many just give up, shelter’s are full – animals will be sacrificed.

I’m not making this up. They are eager to take that money too.

One humane society charges more for you to “go back”. A significant amount more.

I’m autistic, “what do you mean “go back” and she explained – “to watch – to be with them” – “that cost more”.

And, an additional cost if you want a “box or urn”.

He’s had 3 end of life appointments made – one with his primary veterinarian, two with the humane society.

I called eventually a third time and stated, “I won’t be able to do this by appointment, I’m having a hard time letting go”

Because – I researched the chemical used to stop their heart – their bodies jerking around.

When someone ODs they go out peacefully and you can call it humane, but I disagree that End Of Life Services are anywhere but “humane” when their bodies are literally jerking around.

My grandmother let her dog “die naturally”.

Anyhoo – I’m against abortion and apparently against manmade animals from a lab getting sacrificed to the dark entity

My dog has a strong heartbeat and will to live. He may be a hellhound – but he’s my hellhound for “better or for worse”.

He may qualify for end-of-life services, and that may be the “easier” path for me – but it requires ending a life, stopping a heart. I do not comply.

And I’m so fucking depressed and suicidal that I would rather jump off a fucking bridge than figure out what to do with my dog, which means I’ve quit weed so that I can figure out what to do with my fucking dog because apparently this new age weed complicates PTSD (hear, hear) and causes suicidal ideation

Also, these drugs folks are doing, probably have code written in them, that’s why they see “the same thing”.

Autistic doesn’t mean “dumb”.

Gullible sure. I know that they use art and cartoons to imprint on us.

NASA is extreme religiousness – they “the physicist” now are pushing “dark worlds” with “dark suns” and “dark planets” – made of “dark matter”.

It’s one extreme to the next – from walking on water to miracle pregnancies – to “dark worlds”.

They serve a dark entity.

Can I please have a tech free zone? Tech free state?

Posted on January 15, 2023January 15, 2023 by poeeternal

Forsaken (freestyle poetry)

Father,
I’ve been forsaken
Fell on earth
Still shaking

Whole world undertaking
You feel me aching?
Cursing while I’m breaking?
Nightmare got me waking!

I am awaken?

How light will break in?
Always knocking, Satan!
Tell him, I hate him!

My soul ain’t vacant!
I hope God is patient
Before world naked
I’m basic

Darkness so pervasive
I’m growing complacent
Getting stuck in places!
Knowing what John faces!

I’m faceless!
Falling down ain’t gracious!
I’m persuasive!

Smiling where I’m hated!
Holes in wall frustrated!
Emaciated!
Hung on cross related!

“Where do you get your truth?”

I am the truth – that’s why I’m facing you

6000 years of deleting my word

But you don’t know what’s coming

Or you do

So I expect you’re running

Split in two

Soulless, too

Through and through

I don’t actually have a problem with “dry rot write” (dry well, writing droughts)

I need to learn to shut the fuck up

And I felt like I could continue this poem on for several more lines…

So I stop for fear of going “overboard” but I really wanna just keep going four pages if I must…

I write. With brain fog edit. Post.

I don’t know when I will get another chance

The clock is ticking

I’m ~~obsolete~~ forsaken

😑

Posted on January 14, 2023January 14, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

I Do Not Sleep (freestyle rhyme)

I do not sleep in a rose-painted bed
With doves above my crown
I’ve got sorrow lying around
Like pillows drifting below

I do not sleep in a rose-painted bed
Where dreams assemble and grow
The visions of yesteryear
Left me somewhere dead

Postscript: Free speech below

What does it mean when shadows in your mirror appear?

Yeah, I can’t fucking sleep…

I’ve reached a new level of insanity

Please, not the streets.

There it is again!

Am I dying!?!? 😫

I mean, the poem turned out okay though?

God only made me average but I try and do it so well…

I fuck everything up, that’s a give

I want a rose-painted bed

I want a night of rest…

I want in his arms – I want to be valuable enough to be in the same room with a man – and not want to murder one another or break bonds

I’ve never imprinted

Feeling worthless is the baseline of depression

Posted on January 14, 2023January 14, 2023 by poeeternal

Global study on homicide

About 90 per cent of all homicides recorded worldwide were committed by male perpetrators
— Read on www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/global-study-on-homicide.html

90% of all murders happen by MEN

Porn activates the PRIMAL side of the BRAIN 🧠

Females go in heat too

Learn to control your urges

Clearly you can’t handle leading a double/triple life

Posted on January 14, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Now we have documentation: Women earn less than men in the same job

Norwegian women earn 9 per cent less than men, even if they work in the same workplace, have the same occupation and the same job. Fifteen countries, including Norway, have been investigated in a large international study.
— Read on sciencenorway.no/economy-gender-and-society/now-we-have-documentation-women-earn-less-than-men-in-the-same-job/2120512

“Never catch up”

It’s narcissism. They don’t want us in the game when we come from “rib of man” – like they see us as sex objects only. Why would we get equal pay when we belong in the kitchen.

Men do not care about us and neither do the gays.