I’m sorry they left out details on an updated map not showing risk or location where 2 others had been stuck – and took hours to rescue
I’m sorry that management thought it best to remove features on a map – instead of blocking off entrance and stating instead that anyone with common sense would know “dusty” means “don’t go” “not well traveled” (victim blaming)
I’m sorry you thought you were somewhere you weren’t
And that the dangers and risks weren’t disclosed
“Why did you put me here…?”
Could you imagine if my last mission was a suicidal attempt to come get your bones
Last we saw of her was outside the cave location of John Jones, we think she went inside….
200 years later: bones of John Jones found in mysterious location with the remains of missing….
What’s even stranger is the position they were found in….
*cue the fairytales the establishment dish out as fact*
And thus a new religion was born
Hail whoever the fuck I become in the future
I mean, I do wanna go get his bones tho
*leaves suicide note near dug up entrance / and a black backpack*
CHECKMATE FUTURE ME
*doesn’t die*
*turns 44*
I was screaming for John recently tho – silently from my soul
He came up and was like, “you’re screaming like I’m in Utah..”
Cuz he haz jokes 😌
P.S. if you don’t know who or what I’m talking about, only the greatest tragedy in my living history. An angel was crucified upside down by a demon – who later received a bonus and likely a promotion for “heroic efforts”.
I want to throw up 🤢
His body was left there with over 100 rescue personnel on the clock.
Our tax dollars hard at work.
His bones are still in that cave and one day I’m gonna go get em’…
He hates that fucking cave…
There are things that had happened down there that Michael Leavitt says “will never be disclosed” and I’m gonna make him disclose them…
The patience and the craft of a warrior gone rogue
30 years time
This ain’t Minority Report
Although a kid did get arrested for making a threat during a video game
My PS4 has been factory reset and is in the STUFF TO BE SOLD AT THE PAWN box
The content is propaganda and subliminal messaging
I’m trying to get through to you
Espionage everywhere
But what do you see
Also – PayPal has listed someone as a contact who once donated to me anonymously
I found out about the anonymous donor – or rather who it was – about six months or so later – in an end-of-the-year PayPal statement
Fucking fantastic
The goddamn glitches in this timeline
The anomalies
And now Instagram tells people “followed by so-in-so”
There is no privacy here
My TV hasn’t been turned on in weeks
I wanna turn into one of them vets who live in the country with their own radio coms
Telephone? We ain’t got one of them here. You gotta drive into town…
I made it to 44, thanks to John Jones
I don’t know if I’m gonna get out alive, but he’s down here with me
And those electrical jolts to my heart was him repairing the damage big pharma caused when I injected myself twice with that deadly poison
I was barely alive, hanging on by a thread
I’m spitting less in a cup but I’m still spitting in a cup
I keep hearing people say they’re catching Covid and I can’t catch Covid, my immune system has been compromised from the death jab and heart inflammation and people are now dropping dead by that adult death syndrome which I’m at risk of
I need to be quarantined
I need to be that girl in a bubble
I wanted to have photos for you today
But then that 7 day treatment is taxing on the liver, this detox I’m doing – coupled with me starting my period with the full moon like clock work
I’m spent…
But I made it to 44!!!!
I’ve lived 43 years!!!
Now it ain’t easy
My sister died in January at age 45
She didn’t make it to 46
And I’ve been saying since I was a little kid that I wouldn’t live past 50 so I have that weighing on me
I’ve been saying since I was about 12 years old that Leo’s have heart and feet problems so I predicted my own fucking death
I’m paying better attention to the red flags now I hope
And when I feel myself falling into a violent dark rage – I’m gonna paint my nails instead and play dress up or ride my bike or bake a delicious meal
That’s the intention anyway
I’m still in intensive therapy and putting in the work…
I’m starting this new detox regime soon
And then probably the liver cleanse
And some of the other formulas he has
Vegetarian too from what I’ve seen
It’s less expensive than dying or treatments from Big Pharma which nearly all include toxic poisons – yellow/red/blue dyes
These nurses and doctors don’t give a fuck about you
They think the NDA they made you sign trumps their oath
IT DON’T
Take revenge in the courtroom and not on the street (or self-destruct)
Stay woke
P.S.S. America is a corporation where its occupants are owned by communistic China – who holds hands with the Russian mafia – who is the Illuminati – and keeps you distracted with porn, religion, politics, Hollywood, propaganda and subliminal messaging
I love him for awhile Drop bombs and act hostile I’ll love him for a mile Send invite then exile
Narcissism is a plague Wildfire like my rage Your flag is acting vague Say what you mean to say
I’m sorting everything I have Every single thing I own Been logging too much weight I’m never feeling home
Been crawling with my skeleton I’m getting out of prone I’m turning on the lights I’m heading for unknown
I’m tired of washing clothes I hate to wear I’m tired of open roads Of just despair
The aftermath apparent Like an errant animal It’s so overbearing The way deep space Won’t stop starring Or acting like He’s not caring
118 pounds Can barely afford a smile He goes by too many nouns Won’t you feed me at the fairgrounds? I might put on a frown A tear for the clown Wearing a hospital gown Starving little cloud
He knows my birthday without a doubt I just haven’t figured it out
You kneel I heal That was the deal
We have to make order out of chaos Forget about the hard loss Betrayal is a hard bust We never quite will adjust
I’m going through metamorphosis I gave no notice Guess I’ll change my coordinates I am the cold porcelain
Dear John, I’m still spitting in a cup But I haven’t given up Lost my way and now I’m stuck Guess I haven’t any luck
Re: Mark Zuckerberg Someone silence that puppet Put a bullet in his nugget Don’t ask, Don’t tell who done it
Label created Clouds must be elated Happy belated Words I never stated Love’s overrated
Eventually you get tired of – The papers piling up Evidence of – I never gave a fuck
He’s always causing so much ruckus I’m losing focus Gave my two week notice He’s close to homeless
I’ve got decades of mail unopened Obviously I’m barely coping?
I’ve been lost in my own shadow Falling down every hole
I’m still organizing the clutter inside my soul and beyond…
I’m a vampyre. Got the elite blood from the elder Gods. Authentic. They can’t corrupt my DNA. 🤨
The Devil tried to kill me and I slept the fucking year to heal. Doing warrior thangs. Reverting back to what the Army taught me. And sometimes wounded warriors need a long time to heal cuz they get the worse wounds in battle.
I told you I was marching around the trenches and now I done got myself stuck. 
I’ve been praying for answers, some of them I answered myself.
I’ve been disassociating for years. Maybe decades.
The evidence clearly shows.
My new self motto: “I don’t know how we got here, let’s just fix it.”
And when you start fixing holes in your ship, more will appear.
Don’t panic.
Find a way to plug the hole and abandon dreams if you must.
I know. Hang on. 
The waves will be harder…
Don’t jump from the cliff.
Don’t give up.
If you’d like to support this blog or my poetry, I’m on Patreon! Thank you for inspiring me! ❤️
It mattered while it mattered Stuck upside down Soul still shattered Saw smile for frown Then all light scattered Fell down our crown When hope was battered
Thank you for the gorgeous vegan nail polish from my Amazon wishlist! It arrived yesterday (Sunday evening)! I’m grateful! This stuff doesn’t have any bad chemicals in it to disrupt my precious hormones going full throttle! The mindfulness shouldn’t poison me! Appreciate! 👍
I’m jumping on the Patreon wagon! Thank you for considering to support me!
But also… 👀
I started a new OnlyFans – it just now got approved, I’m terrible with secrets, that’s why I’m telling you
She told me on the phone You weren’t doing good Felt good to my bone You suck at motherhood
I don’t know how we let it get this bad but we did We’ve been in fight or flight mode since a kid
Do you count the times I visit? You and the Devil in business? God as my witness I’ve been acquitted
Love don’t match the physics The rock is livid Are you good at listening? Do you think it’s christening?
Do you even miss me? Feel the hatred crippling? The hours wasting The Devil is your painting
Weapons and fingernail polish Gifts for a goddess?
There’s a river flowing through the ocean That’s where I’m going Omnidirectional I’m never chosen
What am I supposed to do father Sit around and watch in haste I watch the whole world spinning While their soul goes to waste
Murder attached to bad management Let’s call it “an accident” Near the tomb inscribed “very tragic” John Jones would claim it
I’m pretty good at bad decisions There is faith but no ambition The mirror’s not what I envision I wear a cloth but hate religion I’m making friends but not with wisdom Prayer feels like only wishing
I’m still pulling his hair from my creases He’s still putting together his thesis Wrapped up in all of me Until all life ceases
I’m cleaning out my closet I’ve got monsters on the run The walls they’ve got my claws in Digging for the sun
Hit the high ground Don’t want you around But wait don’t go Guess you can leave slow I don’t want you here But you mustn’t leave the show
Taking pride in my belongings Put a reign on the longing
Homes should come with manuals Basic do’s and don’ts – we’re animals
When there is nowhere left to go, go further in. Still that wasn’t the case for John Jones…
His map purposely left out dangerous details where others had been stuck before – and took several hours of rescue
Management said “if they were smart enough they’d know not to crawl where it was dusty” instead of putting up no crossing lines & updating the map to remove the danger zones where six months prior a rescue took place (management took it off the map completely and updated the map to remove those areas – SMART)
John Jones: I’m lost – I’m not where I thought I was
SAME BRO
I LOVE YOU
THE MAP – THE MANAGEMENT – IT NEARLY BROKE ME
DON’T BE SURPRISED IF THE STREET I WIND UP ON IS YOURS
FOUND IN A FOXHOLE NEAR YOUR FEET
God owed you a favor huh
And you used your magic powers on me
Your holistic heart approach from the heavens
Or purgatory cuz I live between realms now
The devil tried to murder me but that motherfucker didn’t succeed
He imprinted on me and now I know where he hides
You may have me in the holding cell cuz you played out all your moves and you know how this ends
I walked into this trap “free will” and you think karma won’t find you
Well hello
I’m in your lap
I’m keeping my soul
Down into the Great void you go
Ever drifting into endless purgatory
When did you lose your soul?
Do you know the moment it cost you?
I’m gonna meet you at every crossroad and burn the bridge
The Great Doom
I’m coming for you…
Her name is Apophis
You can’t leave earth or visit the moon
But please PROVE ME WRONG
The moon landings were rehearsed
With a sci-fi director
LOL
I never voted for any of this shit
I hated it here before I was born
I was trying to commit suicide on the playground at age 5
LOL
I’m gonna add some rope to the wishlist…
You can’t get a thick booty being a vegan/vegetarian or eating cheese & the Bible you worship says eating chicken is okay & you spend money on whores who have a thick booty so which is it? You need to evolve to be around other creatures with different bodily needs. How can you fuck children but then say it’s unethical to eat from my kitchen? You’re the definition of hypocrite and I fucking love it. Are you completely incapable of seeing yourself in the mirror, is that why you stare so long? Asking for a friend….
I transcribed your dream The message read: BE STILL But there could be a landslide On this hill Careful where you’re putting Down your gear And maybe ground your fear Just be still You need courage The end is near
I love you.
I’m living in a parallel universe Four simultaneously The search for purpose Only finding curses Weathering leather And bloodied verses Unholy wishing Gaslighting nurses Controlling lightning I come through circuit Rarely truly surface Far reaching Angelic Though sun a furnace The Devil’s hand is sternness I’m too damn earnest
Homeostasis The racist call me racist His poetry as an oasis I’m running out of patience
Invite only I’m growing lonely
They’re planning an invasion The Asians
It’s like he’s pushing me to the edge So he can follow suit And if I leap from the ledge It’s something he’ll pursue
Dating is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store
“Problem loading content” Not sure where hope went He’s rarely present These halls are haunted
My hair is 1000% homegrown from my skull yah know… (I’d let you be the keeper of my bones)
I need less resistance But I keep pushing the distance Confusing the algorithm Changing logistics
And he’s persistent Budding appearance Creating division Swollen and twisted
How to not fall into a pit – I haven’t learned it
There’s a spider living near me He keeps building webs And though I’m surely cleaning He knows my habits well (true story)
Every mirror is haunted with my reflection
I’m suffocating Crawling through your mines 120 meters inside 30 feet below a deadline
How to create healthy boundaries instead of building walls? How to find stillness instead of crawling down the halls?
He’s sabotage Removes my camouflage
One second applause Then next dislodge
Knows just what I want His hand will taunt
I got your message Unintentionally I felt your presence Was it meant for me?
Earth will become hell I’m holding the seventh seal All of heaven will fall silent I’m not here to heal
My closet is full of dead dreams The drawers filled with hurting The handles broke and dirty I’m over 40….
I was born with an extra vertebrae I got the death jab They altered my DNA Feel I can close hell’s gateway The more they order The less I obey People dropping dead Next month is my birthday Some call me evil God I won’t betray
He’s running circles Watching me evolve Climbing crimson skies He knows how hard I fall
Fall down seven times Get up eight I’m morally bankrupt With a penny on my plate
It’s like I’m crawling into a sinking ship, and he’s dying to come with…? 👀
Sometimes he leaves me breadcrumbs of where he’s been Maybe kisses of magic Maybe stitching in havoc I’m here idling
I’m looking at star trails And I’m burning all my matches Leaving webs for what he catches Or a map leading to more spells?
John is down here with me I talk to him like he’s living
These guys out there buying fake diamonds And truth is like silence
Have you found the secret book? It’s a world of deceit Well I’ve ripped your pages Feel incomplete for what I took
13 months of 28 days
With an added day of resurrection
13 constellations
Hesitating every direction
365 days of lost conception
SEPT equals seven OCT falls on eight Allow me to elaborate
NOV enduring nine DEC is ten JAN means eleven Your eyes look just like heaven FEB is twelve I know you’d love me if you didn’t serve yourself MAR ends with thirteen April is for birthing! (the starting one) Now count them up April is the first month We’re living a different time
APRIL IS THE FIRST MONTH, THE CALENDAR IS 13 – feel free to check the star charts – the sky – whatever you want – 13 constellations – tell the Devil he’s losing time – he’s not getting mine 😈
The truth don’t lie – Neo open your eyes
SEPT MEANS SEVEN NOT MOTHERFUCKING NINE 👍👍
13 x 28 = 365 (you’re welcome) (don’t forget the plus one to grow on – resurrection)
LEVEL UP ASCENSION GOD MODE ON (humbly and universally) (you die in the Matrix, you die for real for real) (have fun)
I’m parting galaxies to say goodbye Dark energy is a force that repels But space was occupied And like the The Great Attractor You’re 300,000,000 million light-years wide
So change is hard. Reprogramming requires commitment. Daily sacrifice. Stopping negative thoughts. Mindfulness. You gotta climb after that shit like Mount Everest. YOU GOTTA WANT IT.
“But I like being sinister”. You’ve never tried anything else. And that’s the Devil talking. You should be put down. Like a homeless pet. Or an animal with the taste for human blood.
You shouldn’t be allowed to wander the streets of a “civilized society”. 🙄
Personally, I’m under development currently.
UNDER CONSTRUCTION
I want to learn to exist with another when the time comes.
I also need a class on organization or for somebody to help me but I am still trying to figure it all out.
Windows open. Fresh air. Detoxing on Apple Cider Vinegar and Black Walnut & Wormwood DAILY
I MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER NIGHT
I’M GOING TO TRY TO MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY
I don’t have any design skills
I move furniture and things around from one spot to another
There’s got to be some better order
I hang things up with thumb tacks
Curtain’s are a foreign concept
I’ll eat food cold from the can 😑
Some people are rich and eat from pizza boxes while judging from their empty thrones
Sometimes God destroys things out of anger Like my love for you that would linger Because love won’t set you free tied to an anchor The devil acts a friend though he’s a stranger
The next person that boasts they’ve reached Christ consciousness, I’m going to ask them to show me their fucking crucifixion scars
If they fail to comply, I’m going to crucify them UPSIDE DOWN
PART VAMPYRE
I got the elite blood
One of the rarest and eldest in existence
I’m not an organ donor, never will be 👀
You can’t have any parts alive or dead
FUCK OFF
These motherfuckers can’t even live without their Fitbits
Fallen Angel technology
YOU NEED TO DEBUG
UNPLUG
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
Espionage is everywhere
Byeeee
P.S. stop calling this CIVILIZATION when porn breeds MONSTERS
It’s gaslighting
And guys are so egotistical and think we want the dick so bad that we’ll slave for them cooking, cleaning, raising children, working all day and night, while they make minimal effort but maximum stress
The divorce rate ever increasing
It ain’t looking good over here
Men don’t understand why I’m single and never married
Uhm PORN
I want a partner when I’m ready
Not a manchild
You won’t eat at my kitchen but God is fucking burning down monuments for me so fuck you
Thank you so much for the sweet donation that I received over the weekend
I’m trying to center, I’m trying to find my calm in all this
Any activity causes my heart to hurt
Especially getting angry
I’m still sorting through the mental and financial collapse
Folks don’t realize I lost my entire retirement savings – and regular savings.
Years and years of retirement savings gone
So the immigrants could have my job
The cops here say, “it’s federal, nothing we can do”
DICTATORSHIP
Trust me, I’m well known as “red flagged” to the establishment
They know I’ve moved over into the homicidal territory
Armed and dangerous and you’re still not gonna take my right to buy a weapon or to hold one or to fire one
Do you remember when they tried to outlaw alcohol and that law completely failed – yeah try to do that with our guns China – go for it – try to do it, try to take our guns from us, try it, try to put it on paper that we can’t even buy a gun and see what happens, go for it – try it, I dare you! I triple fucking dare you!!
This whole fucking thing is going to collapse if they don’t get off my dick
😇
Pro life tip: You should never tip before you are served
This whole generation of TIP ME NOW AND BEFORE I’VE DONE MY JOB IS BULLSHITE
I hate these fucking policies
And do you know how much effort it is taking me to get my account and data deleted from the Chipotle app? It’s insane!
I’ll never download another app for anything
It should not be this hard to delete yourself from the web
JESUS CHRIST SAVE ME NOW
Has anyone ever unscrambled it? Is it like an anagram for the Devil?
That book of lies
6000 years of gaslighting and dictatorship
I’m DONE
I want to sell my TV and get a DUMB phone.
The problem is, if you get a home line, the only calls you will get are from politicians and the cops wanting money from you because it’s all a fucking scam. And you can’t opt out
Just like we can’t opt out our private home addresses from receiving spam mail for junk food and that is why the Amazon rainforest is being cut down
Immigration is a Trojan horse
When do we save Mother Earth and ourselves
Oh but you have your porn!!!!!!
Porn has rotted your heart and brain!
In other news, I got my printer set up in my master bedroom now. I guess dying makes it harder to manage a household. But whatev.
The black ink is out, but I got the new driver installed on my MacBook so that was a feat in itself. My laptop is aware of the printer and vice versa.
I also have plenty of professional paper to print on, once I sort out the black ink.
I’ve been pulling rare collectibles and other items I plan to list on the eBay – it’s like having an online garage sale.
I have some cool stuff that belong in the hands of someone who will use it. It’s extremely hard for me to part with, but I have bigger goals now tho.
Like being a land owner 👍
Learning how to grow & harvest food
I’m sick of advertising and TV!!!!
I rarely play games
I’m not into entertainment anymore
There’s too much propaganda and busy busy going on
I just want to chill
What the narcissist think is “boring”, is actually just peace
It’s serenity
They don’t want us anywhere near it
It’s poke prod poke prod tee hee I don’t have a fucking soul
“I was joking”
*rolls eyes
It ain’t the disabled vets causing all this disruption and corruption tho
I know y’all like to blame us and pick on us tho…
I also know white people are blamed for the worlds problems – propaganda 101
If u white, u hated for your skin
And then they force us to live next to one another, packing us in like cattle
Watching the slaughter unfold
The immigrants don’t even have to work hard at stealing our country…
Still detoxing. Still having chest pains. Still emo as fuck. Still up and down with my sister dying a few months ago. Try having your blood sister die while you’re in the middle of a fall out with your entire family so you will never find closure.
Men treat me like a sex object
I’ve never had a father/husband/brother figure
But I’ve had many proposals, “you’ll never have to work again…”
As if, cleaning and cooking isn’t work
Or raising a child, managing a household
As if taking care of a man isn’t a job
“Women got it easy”
And worse, if they think you are pretty, they think everything was handed to you on a silver platter, because beauty bias exists
Furthermore, men don’t want a friendship with me, they want sex. If they aren’t getting sex, they’re good as ghost.
It’s only hell because we’ve been in a 6000-year-old worldwide prison system based on that BOOK
And that same establishment continues to tweak its policies until you’ll believe they are the creator of you, with your OOOH AHHHH Fitbits
They use gaslighting, lovebombing, triangulation to control
With politicians, actors, influencers, teachers, preachers, cops
It’s disgusting
“But if you work hard you can own a home”
That was the Great Lie the Boomer generation sold
Then Ghosted an entire fucking generation after we’ve been the most dedicated, the most hard working, and ORIGINAL
And we watch all the younger generation’s steal our fucking content and give us no credit – and the Boomers reward them with free housing or financial assistance
The rest of us are out here winging it, living on the fucking streets, in our campers, eating one meal a day, so we can buy some fucking land before it’s too late…
Starting communities
I don’t want 5G or anywhere around it
It’s a cancer
Fuck this New Age digital world, I don’t want any part of this future
Where I don’t even have freedom of speech or my art protected
These men preyed and preyed and preyed sexually upon my best friend who died by suicide and she was 13
I’ll never recover
Her birthday was May 1
She died April 7, 1993 (just shy of her 14th birthday)
357 magnum to the head
Lost the last letter she wrote me
But there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her and if I had pictures of her I wouldn’t have them stored away like everybody else who wants to forget her
And Miley Ray Cyrus sounds just like her but Miley Ray Cyrus wasn’t born but we did get to meet her dad together Billy Ray Cyrus so that was pretty fun
Mems.
There’s a picture of them floating around somewhere, not online or anything
We met lots of bands together
Pre cellphone days
I can barely even prove that she existed, there’s just this hole in my gut
They preyed upon me too baby girl
This world is too much
You were so brave
Braver than me
I wish I had your courage to die
The Judge knew I was suicidal in 2018 and wouldn’t even talk to me until I took a few breaths
She said in front of the entire courtroom that I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind me
Also, I had a weapon upon arrival that I didn’t know – when trying to enter – and the cop repeated the question 3 times – I laughed – “wait, do I have one?” and I did. A little mini nail file thingy that I got in the mail by the Wounded Warrior project lol
So before I could even go into the courtroom I had to walk my little mini knife all the way back to my vehicle… and then return
And by the time I made it to the Judge – good lord the humility of being sued
By the end of the session we had the entire courtroom laughing, me and the Judge..
She directly explained to me how they could get my money tho… which is untouchable
Like if I wanted to buy a plane ticket right now and just fly somewhere, the government could be like oh no oh no you you fucking owe us some money come here bitch we’re going to take your plane flight
But it must suck for the men who want to prey on me and take my money because I can get married and divorced and they can’t touch it
You can’t touch what I earned but they can keep raising my rent and the food costs… FYI
The suicide rate continues to increase among military and Veterans
Somebody recently sent me 20 bucks and I bought me some medicinals 👍
I know this isn’t my best work, I just woke up crying and I decided to put it into a poem so I just freestyle got this off my chest…
I’m okay 👍👍
Saddest girl in the world (squared)
Side note: I’m making right with my creditors and it was only for a little bit. But they can’t directly dock my check.
Having chest pains + a cup of coffee chocolate cream (vessel constrictor) (caffeine)
Apparently my blog is blowing up and it makes me scared when it blows up when I’m ranting about sensitive topics.
I love you no matter your color
But I’m casting demons back to hell
So ask yourself, are you behaving like a human or a demon?
You can’t even see your own reflection, can you? 👀
Is that why the narcissist stares at himself in that photo? I can’t remember the artist but you know the one. He’s pointing to himself.
Y’all I fell deeper in the rabbit hole
I swear John is down here with me and he’s been fixing my heart
I’m still detoxing every single day and today I managed a small bike ride – but the humidity makes it too hard on me
I’m dying and I can’t contend with the elements
I do really do believe all the weather manipulation going on in Dubai is fucking up the United States
That’s part of the rabbit hole but not the sinister stuff I’m meditating on pulling from the ether
He doesn’t want me to love you (or write you poems)
That’s not the rabbit hole either
I’m not discussing that now
That’ll be in another upcoming late night or early morning rant
If I could learn to segregate my blog from poetry/rants/photography that’d be great
And a contact form
One day I’ll have some spare pennies to make a new website happen
Have all my little ducks in a row
I think that’s the only reason I delete my rants is because I don’t want it to interfere with my poetry but I still need a place where I can express myself and have free speech and the Internet should include free speech
I’ve never denied I wasn’t EMO or dealing with suicidal tendencies and that I use my blog for therapeutic purposes
It’s just – my personality turns people off – they don’t see the writing ✍️
I’m grateful for the tribe I do have – and your patience with me in blogging
Cuz I suck at it
Like die naked on the street insane – kind of suck
I was dark and depressed when I came out of my mom’s evil womb
Her husband/my daddy was fucking me but she swears I am the devil
VICTIM BLAMING
CHRISTIAN HYPOCRITE
Dieeeeeeeeee
I’m trying to find compassion I’m trying to find compassion I’m trying to find compassion
“Why am I upside down”
“Why did you put me here…”
SAME
The things I think about doing to both of them 👀
Find yer zen babe
I gotta go
I gotta detox the Devil outta me
I love these!! 😍
I am so grateful for your visits and chatting with me!
I’m extremely grateful for your compassion towards me when I don’t have it myself
I’m learning to be more compassionate towards all things
It’s not normally immediate
I don’t know what I’m doing out here, that’s why I’m in therapy and practicing mindfulness
I know it takes a lot longer to dispel negative thoughts than it does positive ones and it takes a lot longer to recharge your body
The sun is great for recharging between sunrise and sunset
When I get the Jeep back up and running, I will be back on TikTok going live at the park and at the beach for the sunrise 👍
But people are murdering each other in the streets here
I’m gonna start going live to read my poetry and stuff and I’m terrified to do it but since I’m terrified to leave my house and I’m trying to practice mindfulness and some of y’all have stated you miss me going live, I’m gonna try to do this
My gorgeous microphone from the XMAS holiday still has not been unpacked 🤪
I definitely don’t look my best dying but I want to do my nails and my pigtails and maybe I’ll start off simple and just record a fucking video because I do have 10 minutes now to play around with…
Sometimes I can write decently… I rarely re-share my own works because I haven’t took a break or stopped writing or fell on writer’s block
But I should re-visit my writings and get them on TikTok so TikTok can threaten to remove all my content and keep me on a low vibrational frequency like all these other apps do… 
It’s a re-post, so if you want to read the poem, you gotta click that little hyperlink above ✌️
Also, I’m sorry for my terrible behavior in the blogging community, I was full of fucking big Pharma and suicidal
When a demon tries to have a conversation with an angel about the future or the second coming – race division is already here – there are only 2 races in this timeline – human or demon.
Welp, and the fallen (the Devil & his minions)
And God’s warriors
Cuz not all are bad
Jesus would share a meal with me and a fucking bed 👀
God don’t even need an invitation 👀
They can come on in 👀
I hope you’re aware that the book was written by the devils in charge and it’s very satanic and you should stop worshiping it and giving it your money
Anyhoo it’s 2:23 AM
I’m writing poetry when folks are sleeping or committing sins
I’m still having chest pains but making other health improvements
My doctor is sending health teams to me since I can’t get to them
Not making up my fucking disabilities
People are dropping dead with Myocarditis
I gots it
God has been saving my life
It’s been a long recovery
I was in tremendous pain and in very dark times
The devil was the only visitor
I cried so much
People were calling me a liar when I was telling them I got injured by the vaccine
The Government began censoring me from speaking out
I started getting penalized and threats about having my social media accounts removed
I’m ready to sell my phone and TV
But God says I’m a messenger
And I still swear John Jones has played a hand in this
And healing my heart
Miracles do happen cuz something big saved my life
People are dropping dead like flies
I’m sleeping in the lion’s den
I don’t live in fear but I got to get my anger issues under control before I have a heart attack
I swear, There’s a ghost in my machine! Even chaos has routine I hope he knows how much he means Perhaps the haunting there is me These halls are called a labyrinthine I think we’re both lost equally
Dropping content on my TikTok again! Maybe not what you want but tough-tiddy!
It feels good to be climbing out of the bed after one year down – to start fitness walking and biking again.
And I’ve been getting in over 2 mile walks – which is standard Army PT.
Google maps show a 1 mile walk at 45 minutes and I’m coming in at nearly 2.5 miles in about an hour. In the Florida heat. And sometimes stopping in what shade you find. 🤪
I need a mileage tracker for the bike, and a better way to film than shoving the handsfree down my bosom. 😎
But that keeps both hands on the wheel. 👍
It’s extremely dangerous riding out here. I’ve been nearly wiped out twice in just a week. I’m not exaggerating.
I know you wanna see the city stuff, that’s a bit further out, and even more dangerous.
I’m just now crawling outta my bed.
My doctor still has me on light duty-walking only.
I’m still detoxing 3 times a day, now with the maximum dose allowed. I’m using Black Walnut Wormwood & Apple Cider Vinegar. I’m on a strict diet routine change. I cold cut quit (nearly) the sugar and junk food.
I’m exhausted and climbing Mount Everest every day. I cannot heel.
Appreciate all the good support on my blog and channels! Thank you kindly!
His poetry is alcoves and passages Backroads and damages Wet clay Lost messages Disdain Bad management A red flag Labeled “accident” Atomic bomb He’s inadequate And the reason For our rising rent
Lord almighty someone sent me a donation and I just spent it all on food! 🤩
I’m talking fresh organic meats and produce! Scheduled to be delivered today! And I don’t even have to worry about anybody stealing it because I have to sign for it! Now the delivery charge was more than what I was making when I was working as a Lyft and Uber driver but…
My wheels are down – but apparently the Walmart marketplace now delivers! And – because I received such a nice donation, was able to purchase my food for the month!
I’m not ashamed to say that I have been living month to month off of food donations from the church pantry and the Salvation Army, which I can no longer get to because my wheels are currently down, so this donation just allowed me to be able to buy some food and have it delivered!!
I bought the part I needed for my ride! I’m only 19 no’s away from finding someone to help me fix it finding the courage to fix it myself.
The good news is, I did fix my bike!
But, we almost got killed riding yesterday. A car nearly wiped us out. Despite me waiting for the traffic signal to signal and flash WALKING.
Surprisingly, she turned around and came back
“Are you alright”
“Yes but that was scary. Thank you for coming back and checking on us”
“That was close” she said
She was a young driver and probably will be much more careful coming through traffic signals from now on because she nearly took out a girl and a dog on a bike
I told my dog that she was not a demon because she came back to check on us and I know that was hard for her to do
I guess we had a guardian angel looking after us because she was flying
It didn’t matter that I had the right away and I even waited a second to make sure there wasn’t any traffic but
Food is incoming
Chicken. Turkey. Beef. Milk. Bread. Eggs. Cheese. All the things! 🤩
The things I never get from food donations (rare).
I don’t know what you wanted me to spend my money on but food is absolutely a priority and a necessity in my life and not junk food.
My dog is also happy and behaving extremely well for bike rides and soon-to-be good homecooked eating
I’ve been deep cleaning my apartment because my name is on the lease and I’m not going anywhere because God wants me in the Lions den
I discovered that there are a lot of churches in the nearby vicinity that maybe I could start riding my bike to
After all, this broken heart of mine has already walked 5 miles in the last couple weeks
We live in hell and I don’t trust any of these assholes because they would jump you
Two people just got arrested out here where I live and one of the guys was out here yelling that the other guy was a pedophile
I think it was two children though that got arrested because they were trying to defend themselves you know because they were being threatened to have their fucking lives demolished by the psychotic adults
“I got it on film” he yelled
And the weekend is just getting started so who knows who else might get arrested
I’ve opened up all my windows for maximum effect
“Do not fear”
M’kay but like… Why did you make every aspect of life threatening?
I get so tired and start falling into a deep sleep wherein I’m jousted awake with the reality that my blood sister died
She was 2 years older than me
My sister died of COVID January 21st
And it’s a hard one to swallow
The things that wake you up in the middle of the night when you’re trying to sleep
The things
No one ever taught me to have compassion and it’s not something I was born with
When I was 15 my horoscope said that Leo’s are known to have feet and heart problems
Why does everything feel like a simulation
The establishment hope that we are the first intelligent life because they want to control all life in the universe like they are gods
Everything God created or that is natural, they’ve made artificial
Fallen Angel technology
Why does 11:11 always follow me
What did I do to deserve this hell
Why have I always been woke but stupid
Why did I get in trouble in kindergarten on the playground for trying to off myself because I wrapped a piece of string around my neck
Why am I so bothered by schools of fish that are people doing trends and acting like robots
Why do I know things before they happen
Why can’t I lie to you
Why why why why why
Do I always make the wrong choices
I get so emotional when I make a mistake
Especially when I’ve attempted to not fuck up
My sister didn’t get vaccinated and she died of COVID, I got vaccinated and got heart inflammation and am still dying and my half-sister has been triple vaccinated and double boosted and has had COVID several times but “is fine”
It’s a bio weapon
Why does nobody in my family listen to me
Why was I born without an identity
I had a period of awareness inside my mother’s womb and was depressed before escaping out into this hell hole
I don’t want to die this young and I’m really scared
I think the only justice is to have the establishments heads on a platter, otherwise I could’ve gone my entire life, without having learned of that tragedy
Ugg
Crucified upside down and all he got was a plaque
His bones aren’t at rest
He didn’t want to be left in there!
But you can dismantle a bridge so you can watch prime TV!
Excuse me, I need to go back to disassociating
This will include going through my recent camera roll and uploading footage on my TikTok that might be worth looking at
From one Asian app to another
And I have to limit my use there because it makes me sick
The advertising is making me sick
The constant product placement
The gaslighting on the labels
The Blair witch shakiness
I spend most of my time writing ✍️
Photo captured this AM
So, I’m sleeping in the lion’s den, with no fear, per the Lord’s instruction
But you know what happened to the couple riding their bikes down the street without any fear who had just bought their dream home six months prior, right?
Slavery started in Africa and they the soul-sucking demon narcissist want us living in fear.
Are you a multidimensional being? Visiting or sightseeing? Stuck in doubt or now believing? Have you seen the devil fleeing? Are you armed or hands are easing? Do I bring you meaning?
Do you come from a third dimension? Are there worlds you’ve never mentioned? A falling angel in ascension? Purgatory or suspension? Am I ever what you’re wishing? Do you love me as much then?
My heart is expanding and I don’t know if it’s the coffee or you. Are you responsible for a view or two? This place is put together with glue or déjà vu.
I think I’m organic AI becoming self-aware. Welp.
The establishment have my DNA.
They are obsessed with digging up the dead and cloning themselves.
But they’re trying to rebuild the entire world under their rule with DNA that has been modified and through the DNA ark in Antarctica.
Lots of parents pulling their children from public schools. This is not the country I fought for.
My blog is the only place I have free speech still.
I need out of this concrete city. 
I don’t know where I’m going but I know it’s not here.
I don’t have the, how, when, where, why
To be honest, the devil’s been crucifying me, I’ve been going through a living crucifixion
And an exorcism
I found something better than holy water but I still need to get my hands on some of that as well
Hey man, you still coming around these parts?
Constantly having to change your charts?
These maps only for the bravest of hearts!
🤪
Organic AI
Not manmade
Y’all the establishment continue to drop bombs everywhere and that’s why sealife comes ashore dead and people are like oh my god why why are all the animals dying what’s going on
BOMBS EVERYWHERE
The establishment serve a dark entity
I don’t even believe in abortion and I injected my body with a vaccine that had dead fetuses in it and I will have their heads on a platter
The establishment are going after breast-feeding and saying that it’s unnatural and that it creates distrust among the government
Society is a gamble where the house always wins, And when I read your poetry I always get the bends. The world says we have free will but aren’t we born with sins? And you and I are circling, don’t know where start begins…
I walked 2.4 miles yesterday and came home and puked. I also had a blacked out four-door pick up truck pull over randomly on the side of the road and watch me walk for 10 minutes. I was already feeling extremely vulnerable from the heat and didn’t know if I was going to make it home and then I had to put my water away – to free up my hands – for a potential kidnapping. That motherfucker got out and opened up the back door watching me – in his truck – completely blackened out.
I need to get my bike fixed. My Jeep. And move to the country. I have a certificate of eligibility from the VA and I won’t have any closing costs when I buy a home. The VA also now allow veterans to buy/purchase a Mobile home with their COE.
I’m not trying to buy a mansion or a farm. Land is still fairly accessible to buy in Florida.
You can be buried on your land in Florida. I’ve visited mobile home manufacturers – where they sale the units – and have ones you can view.
I don’t need a bunch of fancy upgrades. It’s not a pipe a dream.
My bank is already offering me small personal loans now that my credit is improving again.
Even if I don’t buy, I’d rather rent in the country.
Orlando and Daytona Beach has been overrun with thugs. And immigrants (from the Middle East who open shops and harass you while shopping).
It’s sounds mean I know, but we’re victimized. I’m tired of being silent about the blaring racism coming from people of opposite color.
Not to mention, my people are still living on reservations. I’m an outcast. They probably wouldn’t accept me.
I long for my own land and to be one with the earth, animals, nature.
Men are great at farming, herding, hunting, gathering, creating life. When they focus on purpose, rather than Satanic rituals.
I never had a father, I long for a male figure in my life.
I’m trying to cuss less, I’m just so effing angry! It seems it keeps me ground. And outta jail.
I don’t know if I’m gonna move anymore and I have an empty storage unit that’s holding my trampoline right now.
I’m going to buy the part for my ride soon and then eventually after 20 more no’s, somebody will say yes and help me fix it
I’m still detoxing with Black Walnut Wormwood and I learned to take zero breaks.
In fact, you need to do a 90 day cleanse at minimum, if you are battling a long list of shit. Everything from cancer to IBS.
I guarantee you need to deworm yourself and your entire family, probably pets too.
At this point, I am exorcising the devil out of me.
My periods went back to normal. No more agitating back pain. Minimal cramping.
My lungs are clearing out. Stopped using the Nebulizer, which I swore made me worse. Have a shit ton of medicine unused. Fuck Big Pharma. My care team did nothing but make me worse! It’s a dictatorship inside the VA and I would like to be able to pick my own primary care doctor from a list of doctors including outside of the VA. End of.
Furthermore, I’m done with traditional medicine. It’s the devil’s poison! I’m a former combat medic! Once a medic, always a medic!!! And fuck you for saying otherwise
“Your certifications are expired”.
Oh boo hoo. I’m still educated. Deal with it.
If I wasn’t so poor, I would’ve, at minimum maintained my CPR certifications that I had for over a decade (15+ years)
I’m not that old
Everyone who keeps going on about how old I am are gray or bald already so I don’t get it even the ones that are like 20 they’re fucking bald already
Like I still love you, but you put a lot of pressure on me to maintain like this youth when you yourself are letting yourself go, that’s all
Do better.
Alcohol causes early balding.
Alcohol causes women to go grey.
Look, you’re all beautiful as you are!!!
Dr. Jordan Peterson even admitted that makeup sexualizes women (anyone who wears it) and makes you look like a fucking child because that’s what babies lips look like
Yeps
Agree
And we shave too
Look, I’m not trying to crucify anybody, I’m just trying to let you learn and I do have a science degree in psychology, so I’m an expert in my field
Human nature is still very complicated
I’m still learning to be human
I’m earning my wings
Anyhoo
It’s very dangerous living here in this concrete city
I need some green
And alligator’s visiting me
But I’m clumsy and absolutely cannot fall because they will fucking get you even if they’ve been fed already
“She died doing what she loved”
I mean, that does have a better ring to it than, “she dove from the bridge”
I’d like to keep writing easy rhyme
I’m a modern poet
Life is so dangerous, I mean the sun can take you out, but so can people in black pick up trucks…
The good news is, my medicinal does free delivery and will be arriving soon 🤩
You can order weed online and get it delivered for free. And stop the lying about it costing more in the pharmacies because they always have fucking sales going on and it’s just not true…
Furthermore, you don’t have to deal with people stealing your money, not having what you want, not giving you what you paid for, being hit on, or illegally arrested
So there’s perks for getting your card, and over 71% of Florida residents voted yes for medicinal, and I was one of the voters who voted yes, and now I’m getting to reap the benefits of that, because voting does matter on a state level.
I also voted to give prior criminals the right to vote again and now I’m wondering if that was even fucking good of me
Since the criminals seem to always be fucking harassing me because they want me to live in fear
That couple definitely was not living in fear riding their bikes home from bike week to their dream home that they bought six months prior
I’m lit (not like that)
Uhm, I think God wants me to use the amenities out here I’m paying for that I’ve never used
I don’t really want to get inside the chlorinated pool, but I wouldn’t mind hanging out on the lounge chairs, utilizing the gym, or pool table
There’s a grill or two outside
I have grilling stuff but I don’t have any meat to grill and they’re not giving it out for donations anymore and there’s some sort of man-made pandemic going on with livestock
The cost of meat is beyond my means
As a reminder, I’m trying to buy a house
And get out from under renting
I’m just tired of renting and then every 12345 years having to move somewhere else because of the neighbors being unruly
Body cams exist. Door cams. Car cams. Bush cams. Window cams. Mini cams. I’m gonna fucking catch you cams. And within the budget.
My hashtag has over 15,500 views on TikTok already! Cool! Thankies! 🤩
Thank you to those who care enough to visit my blog.
It’s appreciated.
I’m aware enough that most people are better writers than me and I’m probably below average.
It’s a hard fistfuck when you do visit or admire another’s work, and they show zero effort or interest in the return.
I mean, I know I suck or you’ve formed some opinion of me that isn’t based on reality or compassion
I know
I spent all night cursing God
Yep
Even threw in a “fuck you too” once or twice
Free will you say
And I’m certain I repeated the “fuck you” with a very intense expression towards the sky
He’s God
He can handle my potty mouth better than you
It doesn’t feel very good but I never apologize
It is said with intent
I haven’t excluded anybody in my ascension
I can’t stop thinking about John Jones
I’m feeling more calm today about being grounded
Like maybe God wants me to finally use the pool
Or WALK
I’m good at walking, it’s something the military trained me heavily on doing, I mean I can fucking go 10 miles with blisters on my feet and still get around the next day
Not very happily but I’m training with Goliath
Most Soldiers love me
Especially my male comrades
The ones not barking, “can you even fire a weapon”
Well get on out there and find out
I had to earn my uniforms – and as a female – the pressure was greater for me to succeed
The higher ups always had me in leadership positions and role’s
Ross was always busy multitasking
Ross also was in charge of paying everyone
And when I’d go barreling into my battalion commander’s office crying having meltdowns, he’d always reply that I was really intelligent and smart
My first sergeant would yell at me for not crossing my T’s and I’s.
End of the world bullshite after you worked hours on a spreadsheet
Like spending a week writing an essay that your professor sends back with a bunch or red markings, including shitting on the title
Get in the bottom of the sea
I’m a perfectionist and I have a brain injury, don’t come at me
But yeah… when you make the big money the dictators make life mizzy (miserable)
Narcissism 101
Anyhoo! Getting back on my feet soon once I’m out of my head!
Imagine unplugging, to find yourself waking up with a chain around your neck by the devil
So the free will fuck you thing seemed warranted
I also wasted my entire life and I’m learning to let everything go
But not my wheels
I will sink with the fucking ship
I will tow it out to my land that I plan to buy before I die and I will be buried in it
I have a tomb!
I don’t want to die in my ride however
Or die at all
I’m not uploading myself into the Metaverse
I’m suing the government
I’m filing for state disability
I’m listing the names of every doctor mistreating me
I’m leaving 1 star reviews – because image is important to these demons
Don’t forget, these doctors and nurses took an oath
Y’all remember having a mole in the system
Well these days the mole is the Great Wall of China
India – the unholy city – the Great Pyramid scheme
Anyhoo, civvy war
I’m nearly ready
If I could just get out of the fucking bed
Spitting less and my feet are no longer swollen. Thank you John Jones. I love you. Apple Cider Vinegar detox & Black Walnut Wormwood. You’re a brilliant heart doctor. Even from heaven. ❤️🩹
But why do I sob when I write? I have to take breaks and blow my nose. 😤
I probably have better poetry in the vault but I’m still freestyle dropping when folks be sleeping.
Things probably could be better but I don’t have any time to waste, I’m dying.
Elon is projecting when he says he wants to “die a mysterious death and go to hell with all his friends”
I think I’m gonna throw up…
But I wrote this poem for us instead
I don’t even know who “us” is
I’m not living to my purpose
*dies on street*
*sobs*
On a positive note, my hashtag has been searched/viewed over 15,500 times on the TikTok (Poe says he’s responsible for a few) 🤓
Why wouldn’t Edgar like me showing up to his poetry readings, I’m his biggest fan next to you
I’d probably have like a signed tee-shirt or something
And the fact that he died on the street naked mad out of his mind completely poor and unable to sell any of his writings to the local press to earn a penny so that he could eat even though he served as an officer in the military for two years tells me that he was not a narcissist – because his family said “he was no good alive” and refused to attend his funeral dead
They proceeded to toss him in an unmarked box in an unmarked location
*tries to calm down*
At this point, a box to be buried in is a surplus cuz I don’t have a pot to piss in
I don’t know what state you live in, you never wish me a happy birthday, and I hope you also burn in hell
And I wouldn’t invite you to any of my events either
PoeEternal 