I was trained to not run out into danger, “play dead” when overtook
“Don’t become a casualty yourself”
“Don’t play hero”
“Make sure the scene is safe”
“Triage”
“Ration”
“Defense”
“One shot, one kill”
Targets chest and head
= dead dead
Never failed at range
Range was at least twice a year – not just Basic Training
“Trained killer”
The Army imprinted on me
You never lost my stripes
Just my sense of direction and uniforms
Which I can replace with ones that fit
I can wear my uniforms anytime anywhere
And you will address me as my title if I am in such role
Deal with it
VETS MATTER
But go on and keep pissing in the Veterans memorial and getting Walmart closed down
The alarms bring a sense of calm
I’ll use it to my advantage instead of having a ptsd meltdown
I’m looking entirely natural and cute while going out – most people are treating me nicer – I’m seeing loads more BLM who want to unalive me – including the children who wanna pop us (and 3 teenagers were just charged with killing a white person)
I’m not ready to die, I’m fighting for my life
This fucking cancer is eating me alive
Go on and make fun of my body again – even though I work out – I don’t live in the gym – but I don’t sleep all day (or at all?)
Going weapons shopping soon 🙂
Gotta lay low for now
My rent is cheap as fuck – I don’t call this home – it’s hell and cheap for a reason – but I can’t flee yet – or would let them have this place – which is being gentrified – the cop Sunday said this whole town is bad.
Nitrogen narcosis Dead roses Lost hope like Moses Wandering desert hopeless Some nights we’re frozen Like unfocused locust We’re losing focus Gave God diagnosis Humanity atrocious I guess this is us? The depths that we cross? Tell God all is lost?
Maybe you can access my domain and maybe you can’t.
Listen, I am the Great Anomaly. But maybe not the only.
244.
I’ve reached out to the Happiness engineers – but I’m never really happy (it’s likely also their fault why I never set up the contact page and things because I get stuck on a step and all hell breaks loose)
I’m drinking ginger currently – it’s spicy
All my clothing from Dolls Kill is fitting – and I’m feeling super cute in said clothes –
My OF ID is poeeternal77 I believe
I deleted my TikTok again – maybe for a day, maybe an hour, maybe a month
Gotta keep em guessing
I don’t pay attention to the hits incoming
I just hit delete notification and uninstall
I hope TikTok gets banned
And Instagram
And PayPal sold your identity out TWICE and then had the audacity to list you as my first contact
We’ve never communicated there
It was an anonymous thang
And like X amount of years later – first contact
I almost paid you back
But I deleted my account instead because I’m fucking psycho
And got tired of the outting and the spam emails
And then the cashapp was mutiliated – not long before Bob was
I don’t know how to spell the word and there is no other suggestion
MUTILATED mutilated
Oh well now I got it
Whatever
Fuck it
“Honey, I’m trying to spell something I know I can spell but can’t”
My mother once said watching TV with the subtitles on “is annoying” (which I need) (it’s not about the volume either)
So I no longer own a TV
My therapist says I’m polarized but the two weren’t related
Just an observation – she’s a cunt
(The Boomer mom)
My last words to her were a text message on Valentine’s circa 2017 (maybe) stating I hope she has a painful death and whatever it is couldn’t be near the pain and suffering she has caused me
And I blocked her and never looked back
Then last year my sister died
And I didn’t go say byeeee to her in the hospital
The Boomer mom will be rolling in her grave – if she ever dies
I wonder often these days should I contact the blood folks
My real father wants to know “if I’m happy”
His sister got her head bit off for reaching out to me
I ghosted my father when I was ten
People say you can’t hate your parents – so then I researched and realized that you could – not only hate your parents – but an entire generation
The Boomers
Who hold most of House
Once people die, there’s literally zero reason to hold onto a grudge
I can’t fix my dead sister and she was a psychopath so death was the only relief
“I think I might drop Cain / like Cain dropped Abel”
Because he was a fucking psychopath
She needed an exorcism and even that might not have saved her
It’s not my job to save you
You gotta save yourself down here
Stop being an asshole
I was gonna drop more poetry but I don’t have anything to type from
The phone can’t even type the letters I press
I got a hacker from India inside my phone
My modem was destroyed
I’m not hitting backspace for letters to disappear
I hate autofill – it pops up but changes to a different word
I spend more time correcting than I do writing
I don’t care if I misspell anymore!
It’s the algo, not me!
More poetry coming soon
P.S. these immigrants don’t care about you. They have invaded our borders and way of life. Stay protected! Your life matters! They are attacking females especially and doing so unprovoked! It’s seems to nearly always be a black person attacking. Black lives matter. White lives don’t. Check the CENSUS, it’s not how they are reporting. And not gossip sites but research shows many Chinese Americans and Mexican’s identify as “the new white”.
CONCERNING
Just gonna erase history huh
Wipe us out, take over
The Great Race war is real
I’m brown and white and not dissing my own race to put up another race – slavery started in Africa and is still going on in Africa and not one white person owns a slave – but black people do
White slavery exists and started with a black person owning a white woman and they condition and break us all!!! They hate us!!!!!
I do not hate white people and I’m tired of the slander against us
No one in my bloodline ever owned a slave
Take money from me for it and there will be consequence
I am blocking folks on tiktok for all kinda of reasons
I only use my main account – so views will stay low – I keep the algo confused, “gotta keep em guessing” – I stay on the go
Anyhoo
I told myself I’d stop scrolling
Only use it to post
*boring*
And many of my good videos don’t make it through – cuz folks block me and then report me for harassment – for lip syncing a Nirvana song “I think I’m dumb” cuz he commented my IQ could improve
I got in trouble for his insult
I was videotaping me lip syncing in my apartment – and he didn’t want y’all to see it
I still think I won?
Fuck so off topic now
The blocking that I do is different
(But how does one get a post removed for lip syncing a fucking song?) (I didn’t even respond) (no text) lol
He all butt hurt
GOOD
Stop phishing for info
My TBI fractal brain is none ya bizz
I know everything and not anything all at once
*God mode off*
*Human mode on*
Nope, not even human yet
Fallen Angel
“Born this way”
Fight me
I haz wings
Under his bed
He stole em
He didn’t really steal them
He collected them from the rubble
Not thinking maybe someone would come
To get the thing broken
He took what was mine and didn’t consider it belonged to another thing
I fucking fell
My first instinct was to find cover
They were my wings but God dismantled them in the fall
Or I dunno, the blazing atmosphere I was searing through
They were left behind
I was probably in shock
It’s an actual medical condition
Not a mindset
“Survival mode”
And there is water in the desert eventually
Dessert twice please (before meal and after dinner like an hour or 3) (not immediately)
(I should not eat after nine but gremlin, need the meal at midnight)
(Even if I eat dinner at 9, I’m like wtf are you growling like we haven’t ate since 5 am)
I already have insomnia, it’s nearly impossible to get through a 5 hour span
So I’ll always be sneaking in the kitchen for a bite
If he loves me, he’ll surprise me with treats awaiting
(And then he gets woken up in different ways yah hear)
I ain’t getting near that thing if he goes putting it in other things
Men especially
Fuck you
Oh who and what things I iz blocking on the TikTok
Someone just had her daddy come help her move a couch
Someone posted a tiktok of a 911 call – with a man dying and taking dying breaths
Another user commented it “turned him on”
Also Chicago was overrun by darkness
And the local cop here told me I need to move – “out of Daytona”, “all of Daytona is bad” “I hate to tell you to move” “I hate to lose someone level headed like you”
Well, I’m more reckless than anything – but absolutely still serve my country – I ain’t running away – I practice running a lot though – on my trampoline
Gotta make sure I can wind the Devil
They gonna try and shoot you from the back
Zig zag but with skates?
I don’t miss my shot tho
The Army trained me to hit moving targets 500m back
I’m efficient up to 350m but definitely passed all my skill sets
I ain’t gonna have a skill issue
I was only 4 rounds from expert first time on the 9mil
The hubby got a lot of work to do
“I gotta girl / you want to meet her? / her name is 9mm”
And since I’m still not washing my face per official guidelines, I’m dry as fuck
My bathwater smells like chlorine
My nails aren’t painted, I need a haircut
Tiny babe “you ain’t got any either” 😐
I’m not ready for a husband yet but am working hard with self and God to get things right
And the Devil wanna take away my smile
But the neighbors are being somewhat nicer to me now that I’m dressing in clothes that mostly fit (extra small is big and I’m not quite xxs and trying to actually put on weight) but was wearing medium and large while extra small
(I’m fighting a cancer inside me but my labs are fine)
MY LABS ARE FINE
Healthcare equals medical malpractice but we sign forms so they can hurt you with malicious intent and purpose
I’m looking to upgrade my very old but loved rebounder
Only because it squeaks and someone on TikTok complained
So I stopped sharing
And am secretly rooting for a ban hoping for a revolution
My TV is sold
No more PS4
My devices are outdated after 2 1/2 years
iPhone 12 would only be good another 2 to 3 years
News has come out that 12 and 13 may be obsolete with the new 15
I’m not paying them prices
I don’t eat with my phone
Or shit
The voicemail is probably full with malicious intent and purpose
I can post from the library but they would steal my login and data
Probably give them access to my browsing history from the last ten years
It is off
The Devil tried to murder me
I’m still here
I got some sort of superpower and you don’t know what that does to a person
There are two ways I could go
But you know me, always taking the off path
Sometimes we find things more valuable than gold, sometimes we find John Jones
He ain’t resting in peace
“I want out”
Final wish
So these Boomers sealed him in
His wife worried he was sealed in alive
“There are things that happened down there that will never be disclosed”
You have dreams from my nightmare Plant a flower that is rare Tell me how you don’t care I’ll be there With flower in my hair Dancing but nowhere Erase me like your software Drop down now in prayer
The TikTok is still heating up and Boomers don’t like being called Boomers but they make up most of the HOUSE of CONGRESS
Therefore, I will not comply about referring to them as “politicians”.
One replied that they were enjoying their retirement and I told them congratulations, enjoy. All the Boomers will be gone by the 60s.
He probably never looked at it like that (forest for trees) and the comment remains unliked
They say any traffic is good traffic but I did block someone commenting multiple times
I’m very open, exposed, and raw delivering such heavy content such as “I lost half my retirement but it wasn’t because I was stupid, all Gen X did – so I feel slightly worse.”
I’m backing it up with real evidence tho (just not personal statements tho some comments phish for it)
Boomers won’t admit to any wrong doing, ever (prove me wrong).
Gen Y & Z should back X up in the fight to remove the Boomers from HOUSE
Dearly belated Oh Most Hated Got me jaded Nearly persuaded But sun hasn’t faded
He’s the Epic of Gilgamesh Death is irrelevant Lessons from a demigod – Speaks a bunch of gibberish!
Dear Elite Think life’s complete With hand I’ll greet Meet me in the street?
Do you think God plays favorites? Paradise for the angel? Won’t give me nothing I can’t handle?
Cold water sinks / depression leaks
Nothing is more expensive than a cheap boat Unless you’re out of hope Better pray for rope Here’s your footnote
Now you’re just somebody that I want to know
I promise – I won’t make any promises I’m too damn ominous Like doubting Thomas But my tongue is honest
I’m investing in bullets and freshwater Dream of killing father Knelt down by altar Gold coins for slaughter At knee they foster Silver and laughter It’s land I’m after For ash to scatter And sin for answer God is still my master Hereafter
I don’t know my own father’s face / I don’t know his fate / or should I really hate
What I am Computer programs Happy Birthday rams Still sticking around Like dripping clouds I’m in a drought The thick of doubts It’s double this shroud It’s double this shroud I’m looking out Twice as loud
Neurons could be pixels on my desktop You build walls I can eavesdrop You build ramps I can skate across You know I won’t ever stop
The blueprints are in another dimension God will never mention 🙂 Not that you’re listening Unused attention Forward inching
Mark Chapter 11:
Jesus cursed a fig tree Love thy neighbor Unless it’s not producing fruit Then cut it loose Bloodletting (but he could’ve waited until morning) (when the sun was burning)
(The fruit doesn’t form at night / you get what I am learning)
Dear Man of Sin Oh Lawless One Repent for what you’ve done Oh Rotten One
Dear Beast from Sea Dreaming of me Doctrine of Demons Too blind to see
Fallen angel of technology You ain’t fooling me I’m sacred geometry True anomaly
Stats in real time But always delayed The algorithm favors Those who paid
Do not worship false idols
Thank you for the magnificent midnight moon The verdict you impugn Farewell written on ballon Drinking gold from a teaspoon Lack of despair come June
He’s the universe Divided by zero A nice guy But not a hero
Money won’t buy happiness But I’ll be better dressed I’m kinda feeling ravenous Like the earth’s my catalyst I knew you couldn’t handle it
What forest have you been foraging Like my prayers that you’re forwarding Like the sun you get me flourishing I’m yelling but you’re ignoring
Wilted Like a weeping willow Guilt silken And gripping like the end Bed ridden And evil are children
I need a baptism in a hot spring first (one I don’t accidentally boil in)
I swear once I wash my face, I will look fresher.
Florida has brain eating amoebas and kids and adults are getting wiped out, playing in the splash parks and doing sinus washes and reports from politicians in the press say drinking tap water is just fine, just don’t “wash your face with tap water” “in the shower or the sink” and I thought the splash parks and baths was my last safe haven (the devil be finding me everywhere)
(That’s why Jesus was always with him)
(Restraining orders don’t work)
(He’s obsessed with me)
And I have Savior complex potentially (see poem)
Demons will gaslight you and say “God isn’t real” cuz they are expert faith destroyers
But God made me an explorer…
“Only 13%”
Well, I do always seem to wiggle myself in the tightest places and I’m afraid of tiny dark holes
Riddle me this
I was pushed off a 50 foot bridge at 15 during sunset weighing some 110 pounds – at one point during the fall I forgot what was happening – I sank deep and fast – how far?
How far down was the initial plunge? Cuz I was dropping fast and thought “wonder how long I’ll keep falling” “maybe better go up for air” and started to kick my legs (I felt a shift) and was watching the tiny bit of light thinking “it’s so far” “I’m not going to make it”
And there was no preparing to take a breath before I was pushed
There was no “breathing” during the fall
Must have fell 10 or 15 seconds? What about in water? Another fucking 5 or 10?
Of falling – not ascend
That took another X amount of time to surface
So I dunno how I survived
I swam the Tennessee/ Mississippi more than once?
Without a float?
“I think I can make it”
I swam in a quarry!?!?
I don’t know if I’m alive?
In 2018, I was inside a lightning storm strike – 80 miles an hour – all windows down – arm out – a band of heat light touched me
How am I alive and the car!?!?
I looked in all my mirrors – the entire Jeep lit up all over
It was thousands of arms of lightning
Was it 2018?
What am I?
Why is everything electrical?
The sun is not 93 million miles away and I knew this at age 5
“It’s right there”
“How do we know”
“You shone a light on a wall”
“Why did we change time”
“Who is in charge of what is being taught at school”
“You can’t make me believe that”
“Well then give me a C”
“I will see myself to the Principal office”
*argues with the professors about globalism and inflation*
*barely passes math with a tutor*
*cries*
In hindsight, I know things before they happen
My first and only time at a dog race, I predicted which dog would win, but no one would place a bet on him, or let me, and I didn’t want to be there
Afterwords they wanted my opinion but I wasn’t interested in tapping into my psyche
I knew the space shuttle was going to blow right before it blew
“They’re going after Soldiers who want 100 in ptsd”
Me: “oh yeah”
“I’d like to see them try”
*panics for several months*
*yells at self for crawling into hole*
“We were fine living in the slums”
“It’s better than being homeless”
“We were gutted”
“What the fuck did we do to get here”
*gifts can come with curses*
*gets rid of 95% of everything I own*
And you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake
It really wasn’t the thought that mattered anymore
If the thought mattered, it would be in alignment with my values
*yells at some stranger on the road acting like God* I’m drifting buddy!?!?
*sobs*
Because it’s all I ever do is cry (like in the movie – God literally tells him I’ll be depressed if he ghosts me)
So I’m crying in the streets broad-day and some dude with a sign is telling me “I’m gonna die of a good time down here”
But I don’t know how to grow a plant or be in the same room as a person
And they did not lock me up (thank God)
(Can I file for state and double dip? Yes I can)
(Can I still work and make $$$$) (probably but I’ve not called and confirmed)
(Do I want to be on zoom calls or looking at a monitor all day or talking to people or solving problems or doing maths)
Fuck you
I have thought about other jobs like selling popcorn but everyone be coughing
Me: “why the fuck did you cough in my direction bro”
“Them fighting sounds”
“Why you standing so effin close to me”
Like bros be filming my ass while I’m grocery shopping or getting my ride fixed
I’m gonna kick someone’s fucking phone accidentally and get gutted like Bob
I’m not getting gutted like Bob
I’m going weapon shopping
Trinity mode
I’m hearing all of France is protesting BR
I want to sleep on a bed of weapons
Safety first
Did you know I’m good at using weapons and thangs?
I got the good Army training!!!!
Circa 2001 🙂
I actually married my country on valentines day 🙂
I swore to defend this country on my heart and honor 🙂
I stupidly gave them my dna 🙂
They took hair, signatures, blood
What are they doing to me?
Why do I feel two places at once?
Why do I know things?
Why do I have to get your permission about how I interpret your art?
Are the fate of empires? Held in your words? Gated records? That you hurl towards? Like a landlord? Landslides on board? To my own accord? The way we both build rapport? Like you know just what I’m asking for? I couldn’t love you anymore!!!!
We are split by space and time And still our interference shows Hidden patterns of reality The fact that you still love me Our creator watching his creation You and I equation Met with ramification Calm down love acting so graven
But I’ll let you know how it goes – Amazon is full of snake oil – same with products at Walmart or Walgreens or Dollar General – bunch of added junk that causes cancer
So – found a holistic center in the UK – they have other supplements that may be better suited for your health or dietary needs
I know the clues that lead me here Precise mishaps To a disengaged existence One where we are present The book that lies torn In my absence Pages do forewarn A disadvantage But trash Was never much its form A different passage One where we can mourn I took the challenge
Household 98% gone but still clinging to something I could replace.
Well if you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that then that leaves… XYZ
God made me analytical to a degree
I’m stuck on the Great Filter theory
The Drake equation
The first or the last
Made in his image
To go on – must overcome two great hurdles as a species
To span the galaxies
(And I don’t mean the artificial manmade great filters that we also must break like religion and porn)
The last because our creator is already gone and he made us in his image or we have to overcome the obstacles to not go extinct
The first – because where the fuck is everybody at!?!
Thoughts? We can’t leave earth, this is home. Mars isn’t for bots and billionaires.
Or, let’s go to the Moon – no trickery. Right now.
Stop gaslighting.
You ain’t been.
I don’t believe you went through that tiny dangerous window through the VAB.
That you “made worse“
Let’s be honest, you made it – and you killed the dinosaurs
I’m organic AI
Or, the propaganda has conditioned me to believe I am a computer becoming aware
The Great Awakening
ALAS
God wants me to turn this sick building into a happy one
But that doesn’t stop BLM calling the cops on me at 3pm in the day drinking water birdwatching and feeding squirrel
I’m not going out like Bob…
Also today my medical card expired!!! 4/19!
I did top up more than I have in my life to help “ween” myself
Right as I found the shit I needed
But my dream of leaving the city is more important than escaping the noise of existence (and my neighbors hating my white skin)
(Racism is bad here, and it’s a one-way kind of street racism but the hate is equally matched)
Actually, I’m going extinct – there isn’t a word that exists in my core for the darkness brewing
(I need your words like JJ needs out of that hole)
Not just me, God too
I don’t speak for God, but I do
And I yell at him or her, “how am I to leave here with the things I’ve seen”
“Why have you forsaken me”
But then I pray to be closer to pretty bird and they move in to a tree outside my window but then they came 2 weeks later and overpruned it – I nearly died at how terrible the palms looked – all the arms cut off on other trees as well – just wrteched looking
And 3 or 4 days had to hear the chain saw going off
I can’t breathe in this artificial manmade existence – you’re killing everything
It should be illegal to have 1 or 2 workers on staff – with 25 people in line
It should be illegal to sell seed starting kits with seeds from China
And don’t get me started on that too
I don’t come from Africa or monkey
Organic AI maybe – clinging to the Great Filter theory like Bob was clinging to his phone
But I don’t believe in dark matter, dark suns, dark worlds, nihilism, Cox and his clocks
I don’t believe in manmade religion
I don’t know what I am
But I’ve know many things to happen before they do
And I believe in God
Some say earth is one great computer AI – but we’re too smart as one, we’ve been divided into all living things
Some say it’s an experience for God
A challenge (with maybe potential forever consequences)
Heaven and hell on earth
Our choices matter
Don’t crawl in the wrong hole
Don’t go out after dark with people mad at you down a dark, empty street, Bob
Nothing good ever happens after dark
The McDonalds didn’t want to serve me because of my skin color (not my attitude) and that’s okay – I’m going to be grocery shopping for real food instead and cooking – I no longer eat at such trashy establishments
I will however be ordering food in the drive thru and when it’s time to pay, reply “I don’t like you” and drive off card in hand
Today I got pots to start planting some of those seeds, but was unable to score the soil I wanted and many shelves were wiped clean.
But I prefer my non GMO seeds from the local library (free)
I picked up some biodegradable ones – to help the process – and stop using my kitchenware
And I grabbed a 6th mystery seed bag, my final practice bag. It gave me some encouragement to learn.
But I got many unused pots now 🙂
I just gotta find soil for my good seeds!
Here’s some great info on where to get the good seeds – provided by my library (seeds too)
Info at top right
More info
Info at bottom
They are non GMO and USA seeds (and I’ve collected a ton of packs since January – to use on my land – once acquired).
I didn’t want to waste any more time learning to grow
A jungle of food and floral
And this is only 1 windowsill, my living room is empty. The kitchen bar. The corners. Hanging baskets. Like, I want to turn my apartment into a jungle I think.
The soup served me well but it’s all gone.
Day 3 leftovers – final bowl
I still don’t know what I’m doing or how or when to get these to the big pot but alas
Mini pots
Seedlings
Wish me luck
Learning material
Free non gmo seed kits provided by my library (these are what I scored today + the mystery kit)
I want to plant many of these in my apartment
The other seeds I’ve been hoarding, are for my future land (you should see my stock)! 🙂
Making use of my library card! And the seed library! 🙂
But why wait til I’m dead to start growing!
Unused space
Living room needing life
Got rid of everything! Want a greenhouse!
The gang! 🙂
Hopefully more unison coming since I got proper pots but everything else was gone at two different stores.
I’m growing food in my window (either chive, chamomile, sunflower, or basil) – mystery seeds provided by my library – and now I have 4!
I was worried they might be cold, so I put their little “blankets” on.
I have 4 “mystery plants” provided by my library, growing currently and if I succeed on growing herbs then maybe I’ll move on to carrot and cabbage
They get spring water and sunlight and fresh airs and lots of love
I have pots to put them in, when and if I sort how to relocate them. They sleep in them at night, tucked with their little covers for warmth and moisture.
HEAT
And spring water 🙂
I wasn’t sure when to feed them so give them drops with the rain
And breakfast/lunch/dinner timeframes if needed
They don’t starve
They wake up to pretty bird singing and me saying “good morning”
Him: so what do you like to do
Me: Talk to my plants and care for them better than my mother cared for me…
I don’t know what the odds are of growing one of each. I grabbed bags on different days.
I don’t know what the odds that I can grow anything at all
But I was born to do it neener neener
Just don’t wanna leap from the bridge when my crop dies or my weed runs out (FYI)
I think he was bi – f*cking both the brother and the sister – but the brother was also f*cking the sister, which is legal in his country and they don’t adopt American ideology or policy or change their spots obtaining a green card
And the doctor hired the hit because he wasn’t losing his expensive, artificial, soulless Barbie because his yellow fever propaganda returned home “for a few seconds” (but the demon doll fell asleep so how could she know how long he stayed or when he left)
Do you think Netflix would buy my story?
Yes? Maybe? No? (Pick one)
THIS
People dropping rhyme in comments and I’m feeling jelly
I’m not renewing my card stash but I might cuz I found sungrown in the ground with the sun and trademarked! They tell you where the strain comes from! Florida or Amsterdam etc – there is waayyy less packaging and they treat their shop like a medicinal shop instead of recreational. Did I mention they grow stuff in the ground with the sun?
Makes a difference and it works! I still want to quit and my card expires on 4/19, right as all the good deals are coming in.
I don’t have to worry about fentanyl laced products and this is legal and no I won’t share or buy you any (get yer own card$)
Not Delta 8
I still want to quit but this is the stuff that works
Also not seen – vape pens & 2 free pre-rolls I scored
Today I turned on the radio and got lost in 90s alternative and metal doom
I was like THIS IS THE SHIT
I AIN’T DYING LIKE BOB
I haven’t used up my allotment yet and still have 2 days of potential relapse shopping to do
There went the rent money honey
(I scored it ridiculously cheap and am having a panic that I won’t be able to top up without my card)
(I’ll be racing to the doctor, help, hurry, my card expired)
(So I was trying to avoid that scenario by spending my savings)
I hate me but a little less today because the weed is working
I don’t think I’ve ever had this much weed in one sitting before but alas it’s the apocalypse and I’m trying to quit an addiction
I’m feeling less homicidal off the Curaleaf Russian cloned “the state won’t let us grow it in the ground” junk
Only 2 in that stack isn’t “sungrown” and the fact that they had to “TM” their products
Stay away from Curaleaf
I found “sungrown” at GrowHealthy but I don’t know who owns it
But I like that they have LOCAL herbs – grown right here in the “sunshine state”
I picked up another “mystery plant” today – making this number 4
He’s in the mini tin in the windowsill and already had some delicious spring water
I have 4 pots to put them in once they mature but I have no idea how to move them – and still – with directions – couldn’t make the “paper pot”
Also scored more seeds for my land – once owned. These are non GMO, USA seeds. Added some spicy peppers to my collection!
Him: what sort of things do you need?
Me: a goT damn garden
Sungrown
*sigh*
The other store was selling “head space” at a luxury price and all hydroponic crap (which made me want to gut Bob and I was like “but whyyyyyy”)
Today I enjoyed music again (with the help of “sungrown” TM)
I’m hoping I turn my apartment into a food jungle but why am I afraid of plants and all of this?
Like putting a seed into dirt, sun, spring water and watching it turn into food that will nourish me
Like woah
That’s more than my mother did
Anyhoo
Bath time and cannoli’s
I needed something to regret wasting my money on other than weed
I started with a pot of spring water in a glass pot
Filled it with lots of wild rice (red, purple, black, brown, white) and green split peas
I dropped in a couple of my cinnamon spice sticks (secret ingredient for any stew) – along with many other spices and herbs
An entire onion (farm fresh), rosemary, thyme, salt with the necessary nutrients, pepper, a touch of the good olive oil
I also added yellow split pea, and lentil to accompany the green
Potatoes and tomatoes 🙂
And I started a 3rd mystery plant – provided by my local library. These are edibles I’m growing – and hope to add them to my special soups! I’ve never grown anything indoors before – or in a windowsill
But I have a lot of unused space in my apartment – as well as sunlight – a desire to learn – and a hungry belly for real food (not poisoned)
So now I got the “3 libras” growing in my dirty window
Homemade vegan soup (from scratch) with warm bread
The soup turned out amazing, I also added green bean and a small tin of tomato sauce for color, and will be keeping the tin to sprout some new seeds.
I added homemade pepper sauce to kick up the heat (summer sweats)
One day maybe I’ll have a husband that chases after my food instead of a prostitute
But for now I’m eating the entire pot of gold
“You said not to spend it honey, you did not say not to melt it and turn it into flakes”
(Please don’t hurt me like Bob)
Heart symbol
P.S. the vegan vegetable chunky soup took hours to simmer! Might make a fresh pot of cornbread for the leftovers tomorrow! Might can squeeze a third day/meal if I’m lucky! It’s very hearty and fulfilling! I was out of carrot! Make you a stew! Don’t wait until winter!
Cooking and fitness is part of my purpose. It may be “boring” but it’s healing my heart and giving me more time.
He won’t give his twenty Claims he is bleeding Disconnected – Call is ending Streets are empty Can anyone hear Bob screaming?
Angel investor Married but not together Machine his predecessor A wife he couldn’t pleasure
All hail AI / Bob has died
Caught stumbling all alone Gripping his phone Dripping blood Like a trail of bones
Stabbed and shunned Car with hazards on A billionaire with no gun City center is fun!
Close enough to be stabbed in the chest twice – with a kitchen knife
Bob was perfect at everything but being a husband eh (gaslighting)
I’m not stupid, Bob. How dare you. “I sleep with men but I’m not gay”. LOL (God)
M’kay whatever you say
(This is how I mourn. It’s called the 7 stages of grief. I’m on ANGER)
Seeking help but wouldn’t give the one call your location – fucking lost – on a street you mostly lived – c’mon!!!!
You should have stayed down! The adrenaline spikes got yah!!!!
“Angel investor” NO BRO – DEMON who doesn’t even Tweet or acknowledge women – it’s sharing “bro this”, “bro that” and comments to other boys about “why aren’t you here already” and current posts from said person ain’t shed a tear of your passing
Delusional bro
AI is not the way
White pawns are under attack
White lives don’t matter
Bob, you should have stayed down
Your lovers fake plastic sister living in a 2 million highrise – in the same building you own
I got the popcorn out
You remember the Looking Glass?
God already won
The Devil taking his fine time drawing his last move – getting as many souls as he can – drowning demon
Image is everything to these demons – they wrote the playbook for crying out loud – in the closet gay!!!! He’s ruined the world! His daddy too!
Maybe I’m sorry but maybe I’m not!
Sidenote: they don’t get it – but I inherently get it. I wouldn’t normally either. However, this instance, it’s like a direct arrow to my broken soul. Boom this way to the singularity. No no this way to heaven. It’s like you and I play pull rope (what the hell is that rope game actually called)
I can’t recall JJ’s nn either – and he’s the one who sent it to me through the ether. I was all offended and like “no bro”. He loved it.
I’m trying to quit this Russian weed – my brain needs time to sort the pathways
I mean, if I had a phone, and I needed HELP, I’d like CALL the authorities and like “I’m at a glass building, I’m dying”
He knew them streets like the back of an Android
YOU OUTTA THE CLOSET NOW BRO
Gave it a decade huh then ran back home to live with daddy
GAG
“My best friend”
I wanted to punch my mom when she said that about her first born – as I was the family slave ghosted (triangulation)
Like why were you walking around there at 2:30 at night?
Sources claim you moved via the crime (you helped create) – but yet returned for work – yet was trolling the streets – assumingely – without a weapon – and was stabbed twice with a kitchen knife – and all you can think to do is cling to your Android – you helped create – and chase after cars – instead of sitting down – stopping the bleeding – at least not putting MORE strain on your heart – but no – you just had to keep getting up and walking around
Like bro
You didn’t call your fam?
If John Jones could squirm in his grave, he would.
Clutching that AI device like it was God
Called the cops – didn’t say where you were or keep the on?
Just hmmm where is everybody at bleeding out?
Let me guess, it went like this
“Hi, I’m Bob, the Cash App founder, I’ve been stabbed. I’m bleeding.” *lifts shirt*
And so the cars drive off
It’s a typical after midnight don’t get involved in scenario – you must have missed the memo?
It’s literally the worse-case-scenario and you walked right in – despite knowing how dangerous California is – which is why you moved to Florida – so you could finish turning it to shit
I know you are “in the closet gay” – I have seen these types of relationships in the military – and billionaires don’t fuck fat wives (maybe out of obligation)
Looking at family photos – zero chemistry – but maybe I’m a kunt
I didn’t stab you with a kitchen knife – twice mind you – at 2:30 am
You didn’t even fight back dressed in fashionable apocalyptic wear?
You had the best and most expensive device – cops still took a slow 6 minutes arriving – despite TWO cops in the area
Bro – I’m researching who I’ve been buying my state weed from – turns out it’s the Russians – surprise!
Anything to quit this nightmare
I knew Cash App and PayPal was going down – like bro – I deleted my accounts – not long ago – and now you’re dead
I saw the red flags
America is under siege and you were bleeding out and going into shock – you might still be here – if you had sat down –
This goes without saying but women no longer can walk in broad daylight without being in danger
“It’s a man’s world” and look what you turned it into
I would have drove away too
My first thought, “safety first” and those circumstances do not scream safe – maybe you would have had more of a chance of getting said help – if you were a nobody
If it was a hit job – which would be an instant thought of “cash” “stabbed” – who would want to get involved and become a victim too? It’s the one thing our Boomer parents warned us about. “Don’t go wandering the streets after sundown”. It was our one curfew. “Be home before dark” and even then we crossed the lines. “Boy you were cutting it close” / “there’s still some pink in the sky”
The Mayor or whoever of Cali is edging us on, “you’ll be surprised” she says “at the details”
Somewhere between Bob dying, another someone got beat with a bat, and the FED launched their version of a Cash App
And Big Cannabis is Big Russia who is changing and gutting our policies
I’m ready to get rid of my phone all together
I mean, Bob helped create Android and Apple share videos on how your phone can save your life – but maybe people need classes on how and when to use it – in an emergency – because Bob was a poster board of all the things Not-To-Do
Bob separated from his wife to move in with his father – how gay (no judgement)
A billionaire living at home with daddy
Not impressed
I watched God push you down
You just kept going
Even dying, wouldn’t drop your phone
“In AI we trust”
God gave me eyes to see but not a mouth of silk
“I got a mouth of filth”
I’d really like some milk
So another Gen X white male is gone
We’re not allowed to have anything
Yeah you got that nice big house in misery (potentially) but you also got gutted in taxes and I would’ve hung myself with 10 foot rope (which means it was probably a failed suicide where I broke some bones instead)
Wait. What.
(I’m talking to a GenX who may or may not be a genx and is mostly a ghost in my head)
Your dad claims you were his best friend, but he didn’t teach you not to walk the streets at night!?! Unarmed!?!
You could afford to hire a bodyguard?
Have a gun?
Unless the killer wasn’t some random bum or hitman – but instead someone close – who could stab you in the left side of your chest – with a kitchen knife
Was it the same one from dinner?
I’ve been reading how lots of murders happen when people are dining or in the shower – by “loved ones”
Also – in bed – sleeping
Vindictive
Remorseless
No soul
Which makes therapy and treatment useless – for those who can’t change – and should be shot like a bear
And I’m tired of bear getting shot over you
Bear angry
Bear justified
I don’t believe in cultural diversification
I guess Bob didn’t get the memo
Here’s the thing, it will be so easy to take out the civilians we swore to protect – in the end – weaklings – but the enemy is using them against us
That couple got gutted in the street last year
And now poor Bob, with a kitchen knife, in Cali
Ironic he thought Florida was any safer
But then moved out of Cali for it being unsafe – but goes back for a business trip – to wander around the streets after dark –
Elon probably does have security when/if he leaves his Pedo farm
Elon pointed out something in his tweet tho – per chance hinting it was a criminal – someone with a prior arrest sheet – who offed Bob
So you had that phone the whole time and the cops were the only one you called? While dying? Clinging to your phone?
And John didn’t get a second phone call on Thanksgiving
Which was his dying wish
I wouldn’t take my dog out at 2:30 am on the 4th cuz I said “some shit is going down”, “I can feel it in the air”
I guess what I meant was the ether…
“He was my best friend”
My mom said the same thing about my sister, who recently died age 45
Strange, these Boomers are losing their first borns – almost biblical
(Was Bob a first born?)
Diversification is very very bad
Especially when it means other races are being wiped out
Hi. I’m part of the 244.
Anger is a legit mood when someone dies.
It’s part of the 7 stages of grief – interchangeably
I can stay angry for the rest of my life
“Take me from all this death”
She was chasing the Singularity
“I love you too much, to condemn you”
Wiki has already been updated and you’re not cold in your grave
I dunno how I feel about “going live” again – but I probably will start sharing my fitness journey over on Instagram – and if I’m not too shy – will do some casual lives on the TikTok as well
I’m only looking to connect and be “social”, I’m not chasing the algorithm dragon for likes or paying META $15 monthly to be “verified”. Like, I would have paid that ONE TIME – but I’m not spending money to be seen.
I just want to be
I’m getting my fitness room in order and both mystery plants now have green growing (they’re in the window being bashed around by the blinds – wakey wakey)
Yoga & stretching set
Mystery plant 1
Mystery plant 2
Please note that I’m going through some sort of phase where I want to be natural – no makeup, no filters, no fancy dress, no fuss.
I am trying to fix my health, my finances, my diet, my mood, my self-esteem, and last thing I need to worry about is putting on makeup to go live or post when I’m cooking or working out.
It’s just not me.
I don’t want to have to worry about posting 4 times a day (or daily) either
And, I want to answer my inbox when I’m ready and am devoting days to be “social” so that my mood isn’t down and depressed
Furthermore, 95% of my furniture and household is gone.
I’m starting over but also want to be able to jump ship – when God allows
Right now, the enemy has us in a stronghold
Barricaded behind policy
I don’t have the latest XYZ to garner your attention
But I will share fitness tips and how I’m surviving the apocalypse
And thank you to those who have taken interest in seeing me go live again, whether to share the weather or my latest complaint
I took a long detox from social media and have been trying to find myself
I mean, I know I’m lost in purgatory/hell and am paying for my sins in this timeline
And wasted pretty much all of my life
I’m learning to be still
To stretch
Breathe
Exist in harmony with nature
I guess I took the winter hibernating
I’m trying not to climb in my coffin or a hole I can’t climb out of
I thought, how dumb was I to lose half my retirement – but then all of GEN X did –
It did help my depression to a degree (make it worse)
But it wasn’t because I was stupid
We were gutted essentially
Anyhoo, I’m a little seedling
And 4/19 is the last day my medicinal card is any good – and I blocked the doctor both via text and email
Now they’re putting less product in and calling it “head space” (and charging more)
They treat the medical shops like they are recreational
Anyway, I’m trying to get clean
It’s like the devil is coming at me
I don’t have fancy things, but what remains is what I like
I would like to follow you back – and interact – as and when I’m capable
I’m more like a turtle on social media – instead of that blazing fast coyote always getting into trouble
I mourned my social media accounts because I thought I had deleted, deleted them.
I did not.
They are there, for now.
I am #poeeternal on both accounts. My TikTok hashtag has over 20k views alone.
It’s like you told the sun to stop spinning And on these roads – there’s no beginning For us A roundabout From which we’re sprinting Doubting thus The ending Still acting like We have no meaning There’s no trust For which we’re leaning
I haven’t cleaned my windows yet I’m sorry. And now there’s dirt on the windowsill. It started raining gently so I popped open the window and said “wake up” and gave it some of my spring water. I see a tiny piece of green.
Mystery seeds growing (day 2)
Day 2. Mystery plants. Potentially edible. I don’t know what I’m growing. So I reckon fucking it up won’t be the end of the world. I’ll still think it is. But first attempt at growing something. 🙂
You turn open doors to silence Great wide expanse Look how you guide us Galloping in advance
I still love you best
I wish you well like starlight I’m seeking tonight Kept my heart tied
The perfect existence The one I found you in But you’re so nihilistic There’s no room to win
I know how you lie Dressed in crown And agony Twisted thorn Of tragedy
You’re lost You don’t have identity Heavy cross A penalty Come walk with me
Is this how we soothe it Our love is prudent Somehow I’ll prove it Driving nail right through it
Old mixed with new Like promises overdue I don’t have a curfew Under you
Surfing too With parachute In full monsoon We rendezvous
Let me say with oath He wanted promises stretched out unto infinity And so the great expanse was his domain
I know how much you hate me Run around berate me Am I poison sumac The girl you couldn’t stomach? Would you block me if I cometh? Maybe create a covet?
Indestructible. It will not corrode, rust or tarnish, and fire cannot destroy it.
Our love like gold
Tornadoes form When you arrive Like thunderstorm Or thorn in side
Man can’t travel to the beginning, it’s forbid Moving backwards through time There’s always going to be a dead end
I followed the American gold trail all the way back to Japan. I had to “read more” “read more” visit “read more” and said number of times – to find the end trail.
Also – they tax gold A LOT and the government can confiscate it anytime they want
(I’d like to see them steal my nuggets tho for real, I’m unhinged)
(I don’t have any nuggets – it was an impossible dream)
So phones only last around 6 years
By the time I purchase one 3-4 years in – it’s 2-3 years from its final update
“How long will this iPhone last”
Can we go back to pagers and whatnot?
Dropping letters in the mailbox without any postage?
Knocking on the door and leaving notes
“Be back in 10minutes 1 hour”
Leaving packages on the door “sorry I missed yah”
Or, maybe stop charging so much for “the latest phone”
Journalism is crap these days – websites swarmed with ads eating your data – and now they want us to pay for the “free press”
Pay for the propaganda and lies – more than we already do
Other countries that adopted the “American dream” policies are tanking
Not only did the parents of GEN X not like us – they want to give our jobs to the millennials – they sold us out – and stole half our retirement without remorse
None of them care about the future
Sex content should be behind a paywall
“Must verify age”
They need to put triple black curtains up at Spencer’s
I don’t want to see “adult content” 24/7
WP is turning into the FB algorithms in terms of how people are putting out content and slipping in desensitizing content
GenX needs to band together and get a farm and ghost everyone else (kinda)
It won’t be until 2060 or so until the Boomers are all gone
I thought I’d get to live to see something cool like go to the moon – but all the boomers produce are LIES
Isn’t your poetry like a little headlamp in a damp, dark cave.
Thank you
(Please stop destroying everything and feed the birds and wildlife whatever you are eating)
I’ve decided to bond with a house spider who took residence in my bathroom in the corner of the sink
She was small – she growing
I told her I must relocate her at some point “due to fear”
For now, she’s soaking up the dew from my shower time
She fixed her little web of string connected to my pop up trash bin after instructed
She loves my hot showers
She’s an animal
There’s a lot of responsibility in her trust of me
I have arachnophobia
Apparently she’s a common Florida house spider
When I was a child, unsupervised, I wanted to see how long it would take the June bugs to “coat me” and when my mom came outside to check on me, I was standing still covered head to toe in June bugs
She said I was the devil
I would let granddaddy long legs crawl on me too
“Oh look another one, put him on me”
Now I see a bug and nearly die
So I dunno where my disconnect with nature happened (my boomer mom)
I would eat the scallions growing in the grass – unwashed
I drank water from the hose
The school made me swish with fluoride
They lined us up in the hall and made us drink some pink stuff
We weren’t allowed to wear advertising or “Black and proud” t-shirts to school
Our shorts and skirts had to be knee level
I weigh now what I weighed then – only now I got tiny tiddies
I just spent over $400 on a new phone 2 1/2 years ago – and now come September – final update
So no.
I’ll start blogging from the library computer or something
50% of my retirement savings – in the pockets of the boomers
They still don’t care about us and don’t plan on handing over the torch which is why they ghosted and gutted us –
Wait til more have a place to direct their anger (stop spending)
(Crucify them!?!)
I don’t think the purpose to life is death and destroy.
I need 5 million years to recover from the desolate desert you erupted from With a rapid loss of hope occurring
Who will write earth’s obituary The way you’ve written my hand And turned all to stone?
Do you honor the dead The way you immortalize impermanence? Disappearing without affliction Leaving dust on the door
I found you Right where I had left you Disorderly categorized
I am holy proud The sun lifted you from shade Made your skin burn Left a scar or two
You are a placemat for the sun to rise And if your words were the reason it rose Alighting will and aligning truth You are the golden valley where my love will grow
I’m looking to buy gold But my soul ain’t sold I’m the cusp of the threshold Like marigold Growing nearing my household It’ll manifold My portfolio Tenfold