PoeEternal – Page 8

Posted on April 1, 2023 by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Matthew 7:13

John Jones took the narrow gate
He did not hesitate
But ohh the words he cried
Upside down he died

My poetry is so elementary huh

He yells at me to grow up and I cry that I never did

Men aren’t doing what they were originally programmed to do

I’ve been busy trying to save the world while they destroy it – I haven’t had a chance to work on me

America was sold out and topics are being censored in group therapy which means my free speech has been impeded upon, I will throw a fit and not participate (quit/disconnect the video call/walk out)

I draw lines

Sometimes I draw guns

Disabled not dead

Trigger happy

Able and capable

Don’t think I can play with the big toys yet – like my m16 – kickback

I got a girl / you want to meet her / her name is 9mm

Posted on March 31, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Ghosted

I’ve ghosted God
Down in the thick fog
Sent him a note
Called self a fraud

I’ve ghosted God
My love is broad
Yellow like a goldenrod
Quarantined but outlawed

I’ve ghosted God
Go ahead applaud
Turn your head and nod
I am a hotshot

Chill out. I talk to God daily. I’m just quarantined. I don’t want him to see me. It’s just a poem.

Baby squirrel brought a boy squirrel around. He had nuts. She’s maybe a few months old, him too. He’s timid and shy. Her pp did not have nuts. Now I’m not an expert on squirrel biology or anything – but she’s probably going to have babies.

They love whatever I feed them.

Lizard climbed the drain pipe to the roof, he also jumped and climbed the tall palm tree. I was amazed by lizard’s skills, not getting blown away by the wind, or eaten by a big bird

The neighbors think I’m wacko

I don’t think they can see the wildlife the way I do

Red bird has been appearing so I took her some seeds

They are eating my own personal organic stash of nuts, rice, seeds, all the things

Gonna make them some peanut butter treats soon – the butter with nuts n seeds rolled in balls. Just for them.

Nothing that I put out stays out

It’s foraged immediately

I like bonding with nature

But I have to deal with the hellhound now

He drains my energy like a black hole

I figured out how to put the blinds in such a way that I can see out too much – but you can’t see in from the sidewalk

Insects are animals – even those bugs we hate – I bet they were huge back in the day – but the elite love dropping bombs and depleting our o2 (and thus size)

Posted on March 31, 2023March 31, 2023 by poeeternal · 7 Comments

Bonds

Bonds come in many forms / the way the sun warms / love arriving in thunderstorms / ghosting has become the norms \

TMI below – be warned

I put my 30% towards my 20% so I’m definitely not doing it right but the “government” stole half my retirement savings during my disassociation through the pandemic and now I’m seeking alternative means to “save” in such ways where I don’t have such “easy access” such as a regular savings (which also got depleted, and the jeep wants every penny cuz she don’t have a trustworthy mechanic in this town) – so the rent and electric was paid – and I looked into gym membership prices (they keep adding on fees) and I doubt anyone cleans that sweaty equipment and folks can’t stop touching their privates, I’m fine working out from home in my extra bedroom that I don’t know what to do with (fortunate even in the slums) – not to mention – the new carpet was hard fought and won and I wound up securing a baby EE at that historic rate – and I will be nearly 65 when it doubles in value. Being ~~suicidal~~ homicidal and giving the government my money is fun!!!

They already stole half of my retirement but it’s still drawing interest and I refuse to move it to any other zones (unless to withdraw) (with penalty) (fuck you)

They stole half my moneyzzz and have the audacity to want to charge me 30% to get it all.

Again, fuck you.

Not to mention the state gave me an addiction and I don’t want them getting my 30%. Nor the gym, the terrible service at the fast food shops, nor the clothing retailers selling highly flammable polyester clothing (extremely hard to extinguish) (I can’t even find small cotton panties at Victoria’s Secret – who are stealing from their customers with their high interest rates)

Jesus wore a cotton robe because it didn’t cause cancer

Furthermore, they are putting cancer causing and hormonal disrupters in the tampons and hygiene pads – and tho I’m still ovulating, I cry that the vaccine made me sterile

The thought that man stole my life and generations – and they have – because my grandmother had 12 children and I’ve never been married and the divorce rate is over 85%

Men hate women

Men want love with prostitutes (according to the latest studies)

If you don’t let me have my acre of land – far away from civilization – there will be dire consequences and no remorse

Now, I already have a baby I bond but part of me desperately wanted to hook an EE too – especially knowing it is a fixed rate

It’s weird saving for a future you don’t believe will exist or that you will have

But what is worse, giving all my money to the medicinal shop when I don’t wanna

Me: “we’re supposed to have 30% to play with”

Also me: “yeah well fuck you. You have new carpet, roll around and wallow…”

I need plants growing. Big beautiful greenery. I like gym equipment that doesn’t require electricity. Upgrading the rebounder potentially. I want a white noise machine. And a big timer or stopwatch for the wall – one that doesn’t require electricity (is that possible)

Maybe even a large wall calendar to track my rebounding – instead of the regular calendar from the library that I’m currently using

A calendar without advertising – and just the dates/times

The old bookshelf will have plants growing – eventually – instead of the items currently on it

I got rid of all my storage – I donated my couch and dresser, basically kept my “seating” stools and benches of sorts – donated the bed!

I am not spending money on furniture, no.

This is not home. This is a curse.

Lots of people lost their lives and homes during the Great Invasion, I nearly lost mine, I’m having nightmares

The new carpet improved my mental health

They wanted $15 dollars for a fucking cotton mop – not even a wood handle – fuck you

I kept the receipt in case it breaks during “elbow grease” and I will try not to turn into the Incredible Hulk if it does.

Cinderella was on her knees for a reason. She didn’t want to chase her tail in a circle buying snake oil from the demons at the supermarket.

“Here’s your crappy product back” – I wasted gas/time/energy while you gut America. Fuck you

And now my therapist is censoring topics discussed during group therapy. Laughs

Fucking grateful for the new carpet tho

I think carpet should be abolished

But grateful that I can invite God to step on my floor

I could answer the door if he knocked

It’s doubtful I would answer, there’s too much shame

I’m coming off my period and I wanted to have a family so badly

I remind myself women go until 50 (until I check the census and read articles about how we’re having less – but they are having more)

I’m going extinct like the dinosaur

Also, Britain is now at 60% – so they too are the minority, having lost power and position, and many of us are ready to fight back for what we had

Hear, hear

Some say karma

But I am both Native American and white and I want what is mine

I read Mexican’s and Chinese identify as “white”

Oh yeah

Bleaching yer skin eh

I might go blonde soon myself

Want to look my absolute best while ghosting every man

And hope they cross my shadow so I can defend my right to exist

Still – men are illegally filming my ass when I’m out and about – disturbingly

Men will follow me and chase me to my car

No means no

Also, because my lightsource is incredibly scarce and rich, these demons show themselves immediately everywhere

They all wanna blow my house down

God dammnit how am I supposed to quit weed?

Me: pays bills then dumps every cent into propoganda

WELPS

But I have access to the other thing too easily and the jeep wants it

I’m speaking to someone as if he understands what I’m saying

He thinks me being autistic is like a crime (I thought he wanted hillbilly babies)

Anyhoo, it just means I’m an oracle

I’m angelic

I’m different

Than them

“I see dead people” (and talk to them)

Googly eyes

I am less sick these days but still sick

So the quarantine remains (even for God)

(No you can’t come in)

(I don’t want you to see me this way)

(Stop looking)

(That’s still looking)

I get the entire weekend to ponder my existence

I’d like to write more

People are starting to get “automatic comments” on WordPress for business proposals. WordPress sold out and this should be illegal.

I desperately want somewhere to reach you, I’m losing ground.

“This offer is automatically generated”. Just remember that as you dump money into WP.

Automation should be a crime

AI is the enemy

Asian Americans identity as “Chinese American and honor Chinese culture only”

They come here and destroy our way of life

These nihilists, they are destroying anything God made, and creating “manmade artificial in place” – to own you

To destroy it all

Think they are Gods

They destroyed the dinosaurs

They probably destroyed Mars

All them cracks on the moon, probably bombs

Those 500 whales dead on the beach, BOMBS

Posted on March 30, 2023March 30, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

God

Does God know the story just from the composition of the cloud.
When I’m in doubt?
A double rainbow hanging about.
Can God see drought?

PS.

New carpet arrived. It’s almost like moving but not.

I’ve learned to hate eating out

They reduce the size but charge you more

A tiny cup of ice for $3.99

A kid size

Two sips, gone

Cup o’ ice please for $4.50

I won’t be back

I yelled at the “boss” of the medicinal shop: “I’m quitting” and complained about the overuse of plastic and paper and waste. He replied “the government” and I yelled “I don’t give a fuck about the government”

I care about the rain forest and weed becoming the new plastic problem

Big Pharma and Big weed love to ruin our environment. Enough is enough!!! I will fight this addiction harder!!!!!!! I will not vote to legalize recreational and regret voting for medicinal. I will never vote again (my therapist says I’m polarized)

I tried to fire her but she wouldn’t go

I was like, I’m trying to quit weed

The state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose

She said, “I’m in it for the long haul”

But what part of “I’m ready to jump from a bridge” or “escape society and disappear forever” is hard to understand?

I fucking talk to the Sun

I still want to look at it tho I’m not supposed to

“Not far enough down yet” (midday wearing prescribed tints mind you)

Then I researched why I need to get a look

And learned Galileo nearly went blind taking a peek at the sun with a telescope and no filter – he never quite recovered

In hindsight it’s like duh but otherwise I get it, I do dumb shit like that

I’ve always wanted to look through a telescope but I’m an invasive frog eating stage 2 food for 17 years, until I get stuck in my environment. I would have looked at the sun too, no filter, gone blindish.

But why do I want to stare at it? Just let me have a look!!!!

I’ve never seen the moon through a telescope

I’m never speaking to another man again

You stole my life

I’m having nightmares about the dog going on the floor.

He’s on house arrest and not allowed anywhere – but enjoys his walks more and time on my bed instead of his crib – which isn’t bad.

It’s either follow the rules or the death warrant is being signed – I mean the “dying on a good day”.

He wants to live to 12. He’s trying.

But he ain’t allowed anywhere. I’m having fucking nightmares. Just need a clean space. I even cleaned the trim and walls (easier than painting).

My cheap curtains from Aldi are hanging up with tape until I get proper hardware

Sometimes I want to move into my fitness room. And the living room is barren. I donated/trashed/sold everything (95%).

4 pack of nightlights on clearance was cheaper than 1 tiny candle – and it also has improved my mental health.

Who knew it took the dog not pissing on the carpet

Not to mention, the carpet was old and outdated and not like the showroom unit. I fought so hard to get the carpet replaced!

I start group therapy soon and my therapist is censoring what I’m allowed to talk about “in group” FYI.

So, the one person who was participating in group therapy will now attend but not really participate, FYI.

I’m trying to get in a mental and physical state where I can work from home – and luckily programs exist for me to attempt this.

At the state and federal level for veterans.

I don’t have a desktop computer, my phone is broken and there’s not enough space to update and it’s too hard to delete photos in a main album and I don’t want 5g and despite buying and spending hundreds of dollars on both a new phone and refurbished MacBook Air – the phone and laptop are no longer compatible and I’m not dropping thousands of dollars every 2 years to upgrade my devices. I’m done!!!

WordPress is dead and the only reason it has active users or X amount of the network is because universities and students now use it and businesses. They don’t need us.

The charts do show WP declining

They basically acted like Instagram and Twitter and sold-out and the users who made it what it was were punished

We said we didn’t like the Block editor, it was forced on us anyway! Surprise!

I don’t want to jump from platform to platform.

I was humiliated at the previous carpet – and though I wouldn’t let God eat from my kitchen, he could walk on my floor now. And sleep (like me).

I’d rather not have carpet at all – but new modern clean carpet has improved my mental health – despite the nightmares.

I also dropped $15 for a cotton mop and I hope it doesn’t break when I give it some “elbow grease”. Apparently people just push dirt around…

Walmart has become too expensive to shop from and hopefully the handle doesn’t give me cancer – everything else sold there has a cancer warning

The candles there are poison

Like the food and exercise equipment

My Jeep is having problems again and I gotta tell my girl goodbye

I think the mechanics are fucking with her though – with malicious intent and purpose

Having a car is too expensive these days – thought I could enjoy one after spending 6 years paying her off. Apparently not. These monsters are obsessed with the latest model and will force you into slavery of every kind.

My fucking small clothes are baggy on me.

I like having the windows open and the light shining through

I kept all 3 mirrors and opted to put the 2 in my fitness room

They have wire to hang – but alas on the floor they remain

I spent thousands of dollars on beds over the years – never really enjoyed one more than 2 months. Surprisingly, my spine likes the clean floor.

This carpet is a lighter color too, and my lease was renewed.

The neighbors hate me more now (updated carpet).

I’m making 2 ingredient cookies soon. My first time. Of course, I’ll add flax and oats and loads of other ingredients (but sugar, no sugar) so they will be more than “2 ingredients” in the end.

But peanut butter and eggs are all you need (to make “sugar free”)

I’m adding unsweetened coconut flakes, oats, flax, white chocolate, peanuts, and probably other proteins. Crunchy peanut butter sugar free cookies (experimental first try)

Should I create an Instagram to “socialize”? I’m not very good at it (autistic) but am trying to be a good humanz.

I take pictures of carpet and squirrels.

And I want to grow lots of plants – so will use free non GMO seeds from the seed library at the local hub. I will do my best to minimize costs of startup. Plants help you breathe.

I think going into hiding is best.

What do you think?

Dining room carpet replaced! Mental health boost!

I have a place I rent / but it’s not really where I live / a city of cement / regret, prayer, lament

Posted on March 24, 2023 by poeeternal · 3 Comments

Singularity

It’s like we’re moving stationary
Still caught up in the past
The topping on the cherry?
Humanity is coming in last

Hi. My name is Delia. I follow/unfollow blogs. Sometimes I’m afraid to follow at all (even tho I want to). My comments are usually rude. I’m in therapy. K, thanx bye.

Posted on March 24, 2023March 24, 2023 by poeeternal · 32 Comments

Lost Cause

I’ve been looking for you in places I should not
Returning in case I forgot
Searching clues in decay
It’s a long shot

Still clouds are thought
Love sweet like apricot
A burning sunray
I’m the mascot

Free speech below (and in traffic)

Hi, my name is Delia and I’m homicidal/suicidal.

Maybe I’m reaching my breaking point.

For instance, yesterday while waiting at a very long stop light on beach street, this immigrant was walking around half-dressed with a baby stroller, he crossed the crosswalk and I yelled “pedophile” (because I’m calling every man I see this now apparently – but especially him) and he looked back, so I yelled louder.

The light still wouldn’t change.

I noticed the car beside me also had their window down/cracked

I was like, “He shouldn’t be alone with a baby” and she laughed and cried, “I know”

I stated, “I don’t normally do that but no man should be alone with a baby” in which she responds again with “I know” and mentions how he was dressed

(It’s summer but every man acts as if they own the world, women are fed up yeeeee)

We got to continue our back-and-forth manhating for at least another 30 seconds or more until the light finally turned and I reluctantly said I had to go

There was a cop ahead at the oncoming light but I still had thoughts of “gasing” my vehicle or honking him rudely as he passed

I behaved but then the body screamed PEDOPHILE and he acknowledged and the car next to me concurred (more than once)

I gotta get out of this city, this town, these people, these policies

I continue to assess my “mental health”, and stay in the now, the cars read ROUGE

I wholeheartedly agree, it’s time

5 monster men just kidnapped an older lady, FBI put out a reward, she’s dead

The news have not reported this, it’s just something I feel

The same way I knew my sister was dead before she died

And all it took was a text from my half-sister, “she’s in the hospital with COVID” and I replied “she’s gonna die”

I didn’t go say goodbye

She died

I had a big ole blood clot and blown left lung – from the deathcare system, and was heading no where near a hospital and never will again

I would get arrested, keep me the fuck away from that god damn Satan house

BE GONE

And stop casting spells on me, they only empower me more

The mirrors are nearly gone, I potentially found a owner for the pair I got

MARK BURGESS is swine and the curse will unfold in time

The Last One of Us is not just a game

I’ve not played it – but according to research, “the elites were plagued with parasites” and there’s a super fungas strain plaguing California (where MB hangs)

FYI

The CDC are blaming “the wind”

Yeah sure and he’s an immigrant from the UK

Well, I’ve no idea his green card status or his whereabouts or whatifs

I dream of justice, real justice

Swift and remorseless

It’s not a sin

Eye for eye

My heart is feeling good enough to kickbox a face or two

Encouraging seeing big boy swim in hurricane swells — I’m learning to tame my own demons – albeit not well

Because I wound up at the park – letting every man know he was either a pedophile in love with a prostitute or “another motherfucker who thinks he owns the world”

One looked up and I instructed him to call the cops cuz it’s the only time I ever “feel anything”

No cops came.

Shame.

Too tiny. Gonna get shot or kidnapped (I’ll rip your hand and dick off)

KEEP 10 FEET BACK

I might finally be getting to see the lung doctor – after nearly blowing my lung out April 2021

Some boy I don’t really know but had a dream about when I was like 8 and he was perhaps still growing in-womb (not mine, eww) – saved my life – kinda

Because he was “kinda there” with his own selfish needs but was apparently everything I needed in moment, because he dumped loads of chemicals into me, which maybe kept my heart from stopping

I was in so much pain

My heart was having mini pre heartquakes – like heart attack – would actually need medical help if my electrical output continued leaning in that way

I literally could not breathe (and have developed new ways of coping as I have a heart condition now)

Furthermore, they may not tell you this per say, but those with heart inflammation are at risk for Adult Sudden Death Syndrome, and so I’m not out of the woods yet, as I can’t do anything that causes elevation spikes in my heart (adrenaline rushes, or even stress/anger) though I can rebound now on my gravity fitness trainer, and mine is made with special straps, not bungee cords, and I finally found more made in those style and hope to upgrade soon

I’m quite bonded with my squeaky trainer and was gonna use it til it had no life left

My body is ready for a new trainer – a tighter pad – maybe smaller too (I think mine is 36 inch)

Men: “women haven’t contributed anything to society and are only good for childbearing or serving me”

Me: I don’t want your fucking electricity

And I’m nearly tired of the $100 oil changes

$5 oil change, 10 minutes

I argued about inflation and maths and economics in college

I knew globalization was bullshite

I wasn’t for it but the would sell the propaganda and the kids ate it up

Evolution theory is bullshit

I’ve been reading books on quantum physics – Cox and his clocks, y’all are delusional pedophile nihilist and NASA is a fraud – stop taxing me

Neil Armstrong never spoke to anyone from the moon, it was recorded on earth, they had no communication towers according to NASA, the moon landing’s were rehearsed, with a fucking Hollywood director, wake fucking up

Women please especially – now before I wind up a statistical

93% of all murders happen by men (their punishment getting lighter while ours gets worse)!!!!

We’re in a 6th mass extinction!

That’s why 500 whales washed ashore, the bombs they keep setting off in our oceans!!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!!! Science is fun!!!!!!!!

Imperialism. Imagine unplugging from the great machine as a Soldier, I’ve come undone!!!!

And now they wanna lock us up for destroying us with malicious intent and purpose!!!

Some vet just murdered his 3 young children – took everything from his ex wife – who left him a key to her home – he shot his children sleeping in their bed

You’re all monsters!!!

They’re selling dicks at the mall in front of children!!!! And online at Walmart in the health and wellness!!! Why you shopping there? Everything is cancer!!!! Read the labels!!!!

We go to war with our neighbors and then let them come live here!!!!! They hate us!!!!!! CMON!!!

White slavery! The Great Replacement theory is real!!! I’m part of the 244!!!

Do you know who I am pedo!!!!!

God is very real and gracious and angry!!!!!!

Mother earth deserves more!!!!

I hate it here!!!! This civilization you claim you created because women are useless!

Fuck you! You wouldn’t be here without us!!!!!

You’re pissed about it!!!

The Developer!!!! Ha ha charade you are!!!

The Great Filter is real! It’s you!!!!!!

I can smell your stench like Agent Smith!!!!

I don’t trust a Chinaman in my country or a white boy or BLM or Latino lives matter – took all our jobs!!!!!!

I’d love to get back to an ethical job but none exists!

Stop asking for my email or digital identity!!!

I’ve sold my TV, the propaganda machine!

And tho my expensive Apple devices aren’t very old, they’ve forced us outdated, I’m not buying again

I don’t love you!!!! Or your society!!!

WordPress sold out!!! It’s all daily prompt in the feed!

I got rid of everything I own!!!!

I’m ready to dawn a robe!!!!

I don’t know how I’m reaching out to you with a brain, heart, lung injury – plus a curse

But alas miracles!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry for my weird behavior – it’s just the Matrix is broken, I’m gonna keep not complying!!!!!!

Morrison wanted to fuck/kill his parents and ghosted them

Father Jim

I sold all my vinyl

I tossed out things that I thought had monetary value in the bin

Many I donated or gave away

Some I sold for a quarter knowing I paid extra for the bonus disc and features, but in the end, it’s worth was obsolete

I’m not jumping from platform to platform for the developers who have yellow fever and think they are gods

Fuck social media – it destroyed the fabric of eveything

Our economy

And porn and its filthy consumers

This boy of young teenage age was staring at me in a sexual way, I snarled my lip

In an alternate universe, there is a sinister version of me, cutting of dicks, and leaving little smily faces on the walls – cuz no one has discovered my identity

🙂

So… if I dream of casting spells on someone who entered my life – then let me hang a horseshoe from my door

The same these scientists don’t believe in God but do a blackhole

It is increasingly hard to listen to the dribble of super religious freaks, knowing many are atheists themselves but push it on us anyway

Do this, do that!!!

I don’t really believe Asia was/is the most advanced species anymore

They are our number one threat and should fear the bery ground they walk on here

Here a demon, there a demon, I’m gonna expose you

I hope I settle down soon, the new carpet arrives Tuesday

I’m still focused on healing, spiritually, mentally, physically, financially (they did steal thousands of my retirement during the pandemic while I was disassociating, FYI)

I lost at least half

But those who took it were traveling to exotic locations during the pandemic – buying luxury phones and cars – with my retirement money

JFC

*insert slang*

But then, they cry “Asian hate”

It’s burns a bit deeper than that

I don’t think hate describes what is growing in me

No one ever says they wanna be an elite serial something when they grow up

People who write things like, “those who say they don’t like money but go work an 8 hour job” don’t consider that being homeless is an actual crime

Born into money, never struggled a day in their life

Don’t know hardship

Gotta incite riots to feel anything

Dead inside

Weak spirits

Lost souls

Dead man drowning

Perhaps I the same

I like feeling and seeing the sun rise and fall everyday

I appreciate how happy the wildlife are when I feed em

They tell us not to feed the wildlife but then capture and enslave these intelligent beautiful creatures for our entertainment and sell their teeth for luck

Parasites – narcissism is a plague

Nihilist

That’s all they are

And all me and the white girl can do is laugh about the insanity of it all

I can’t keep yelling and screaming pedophile, I’ll wind up in a swamp or freezer

That’s already a fear because they follow me out of places I shop, they stalk me, because I’m cute to them

I wish my ear would stop ringing

Need out the city

Helps

The crime is so bad where I live

And it’s being gentrified, just like WP

The CEO has yellow fever

P.S. you never needed to block me cuz you never added my number (I hate you)

(It wasn’t even your main two lines)

Last in, first out

Woot

I’ve met a lot of boys but none looked like the boy I dreamed about nor do any make my heart/brain/pp do what you make it do

Don’t make me delete my blog

Some lines I’m too afraid to cross – but do so erratically

She took the house and kids – probably cuz he was bad – but loved him and let him keep a key – probably to see the kids anytime he wanted – so he took everything from her – killed the kids and himself

But go ahead and blame gun laws and everything but what is to blame…

Keep puffing on my house motherfucker…

It ain’t even my house and I’m paying more than a mortgage – another problem man made

Posted on March 21, 2023 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Grief changes you

Grief changes you
Strings stay connected
But you find yourself in a new world
Strange unfamiliar settings
The navigation controls glitching
Life will never be the same

This place is cursed
From twilight to dusk
My sins interspersed
The golden hour
Mixed with rust
The dead
Blood and dust
We’re grounds for divorce
His thirst for lust
We speak in morse
Secret code of sin
And it’s getting worse
He’s first of course
For my hatred to enforce
Man’s overrule
His math and wicked verse

Would you hold my wrinkles, the way you hold the cold?
Just like darkness, you both make me old.

My name is on the lease
But this isn’t home
I blocked your identity
But you will never call

I don’t know what my purpose is. Becoming homeless? Jumping from a bridge?

Giving up on all humanity doesn’t quite feel right.

I wanna work – at least – a tiny bit – but there are roadblocks yet to overcome. Patience is something I’m being forced to learn. I guess I need to check out some library books on patience.

I’m having a hard time quitting legal weed. I never had an addiction to cannabis before. I’m not paying the state to renew my card, or the doctor. That’s one way to force me to quit. I researched. It’s extremely hard and most men get a ton of help to quit. I’ve got faith and prayer and hardly any will (to live) to quit.

I’m tired of the brain fog, the shit don’t work.

I’d rather bury the money I’m wasting on medicinal.

But things are always flooding here and I don’t have my own yard.

Apparently buying a home is not a good time, I’ve also researched.

And good luck finding a plot of land that isn’t surrounded by big farming corporations. YUCK.

America was sold out.

Some grandmother caught her 3 year old grandson watching porn and he knew how to access it

The government makes money off porn

Apparently if you’re a criminal or have a hard time getting a job, the government will give your employer a 5k bond for hiring you. FUCK YOU

Society is a scam

I busted my ass through college – to be met with hiring freezes, furloughs, inflation, and a pandemic with a snake oil cure that wiped out half the workforce – leaving the best jobs to only the very brightest – the immigrants – and the shitty jobs for the rest.

It’s also 60% more expensive to live life solo. Yay!

Porn should be banned from the internet. Period. You fucked it up and should have kept it behind closed doors and black curtains.

Some husband cheating on his wife with his girlfriend recently murdered her – and got 4 years. Men are getting punished less and less for crimes against women.

Meanwhile a wife got 17 years for killing her husband in defense – after begging the government for help.

The Great Replacement theory is real

White slavery

Sexual slavery

It’s sick what my parents did to me and my now dead sister (she was 45) (go mom and ~~dad~~ The One Who Shall Not Be Named)

Because of law Section 230 – violence against women and children on porn sites uploaded go unpunished!!!!!

They make money from it and just remove it when asked! No biggie!!!!

Sick society!

I hated porn in the 90s when it was mostly nude magazines and strip clubs!!!!! They weren’t selling anal sex toys in front of the children at the Mall or Walmart!

Y’all are sick!!!!!!!!!!

I’m very depressed among other things

The poets made WordPress what it was – and now they don’t need us – unless to buy a product.

These companies get the government involved and it loses any magic it had.

Advertising is conditioning and should be illegal.

I’m tired of complaining about this manmade world

They’re all nihilist

95% of them

They’d rather believe a math formula predicting a black hole that shouldn’t be there – is more magical – than life growing itself in the womb.

Pissed off they can’t do it themselves

Don’t want women feeling happy

They think AI is better than women

They think women haven’t contributed to society and quite frankly – they can keep their electricity. At the price, I don’t want it.

I never wanted any of this

We’re born into an unfair system

Where boys get away with murder and get paid more than us (and then the government helps them get jobs with bonds)

https://bonds4jobs.com/

Those who play by the rules are the mark

If you’re ever in doubt, it’s you…

Narcissism is a plague and easily spread by porn, Christian propaganda, and over nurturing

Test tube babies should be illegal

Dogs – cats – cute but eating up natural livestock and they were made in a lab

Apparently water buffalo are on the extinction list yet I just bought an ear from the ~~Dollar Tree~~ $1.25 Tree)

I haven’t murdered the dog with a “good day” yet

He likely suffer til the end

Today I made him an egg sandwich

Yesterday he had a toasted turkey dog

He has dog food and treats too

He wants his food, my food, plus his food

I fed squirrel yesterday

Hung out for half an hour sundown feeding her/him

The guy who murdered his 8 month old pregnant wife – dumped her from his boat, then went and turned the baby room into storage, sold the wife’s car, and tried to sell the house – he was removed from death row – gets an hour of sunshine per day, 3 meals a day – for life.

She washed ashore

He had searched on his phone “ocean tides” (or waves)

He was probably an undercover gay

They expect us to “mommy them”

Men are monsters. Guaranteed.

If they were really genius, they’d know how to make women happy and stop killing everything.

One person asked what women would do with men safely gone for 24 hours.

Most of them said walk without fear.

WALK

93% of all homicide committed against women are by men.

Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct.

Nihilist.

Under the gaze of secular science

(They think they’re geniuses)

They were conditioned to love prostitution and porn as children

The divorce rate is over 85%

They hate us

Math is stupid

I don’t want electricity

(Not at the expense of every woman’s mental health)

1 in 3 women experience assault from man (and it’s never just one man or experience)

1 in 5 men have an STD

They can give you cancer with their dick

Their cum can literally kill you

And you wanna legalize prostitution and already have in Nevada and online

Gonna spread them parasites everywhere

They don’t even test both parties in prostitution (John’s aren’t tested)

Massage parlors have prostitutes

I’m sick of fighting a war I can’t win

I once liked smoking weed and now I don’t and can’t quit (am actively trying)

Will definitely be experiencing mood swings, sweating, insomnia, for a good two weeks minimum (I’ve been researching)

Men get an entire tribe to help them quit

It seems those who were born into class are the only ones fairing well (mostly)

There’s like 30% single never married folk educated but left behind

But the crims get government bonds for their employers to hire them

They kill women and get ahead

I’m kinda pissed

I’d like to see less people deleting their blogs

Let me know where the new blogging community is going

WordPress pushed their product onto the academic platform – and students learn to blog through education (I wasn’t even allowed a phone in school or the military on job)

I wasn’t allowed a life growing up and I’m not allowed one now thanks to gentrification and narcissism

I’m exhausted

I know you’re struggling

To find your humanity

You’re a drowning man taking me down

You didn’t want to be a worker bee

Getting kicked out during winter while the Queen stays in the hive – that you likely made her

You mutilated her bond

She called crying

Now you can murder her by accident and get 4 years

And you have the audacity to ask me, “what’s the matter honey, you depressed” and then tell the person you’re speaking with via phone that I’m a “manhater”

Awe boo

I wanna cut yer dick off

You better start behaving on the road…

And please let God know I just want a tiny acre of land – to grow these seeds I’m hoarding

And please tell God I’d like to be less suicidal when I fuck things up

Also, despite all the very bad graphs and divorce rates, I still wanna husband.

A partnership.

I wanna do all the things with him.

Please get over your lifelong prostitute addiction.

I don’t know how to communicate with you over a cellphone, I come from a time before computers.

When you randomly send me dick picks online or phone, you disrespect yourself and my love for you

You never ask, you just do. I get so angry boo

I’m old fashioned and want to be surprised! In the real world!

And I want to date my husband – it’s biology and how she connects to him

It’s not about gifts, it’s about protection and nurturing

When dating for a minimum of three months no sex, it bonds and creates lifelong bongs. She’s able to imprint on him.

When I asked him would he want to date me when I’m better he replied, “I’m not competing”.

Which isn’t at all what I meant.

I never bonded or imprinted with any man at this point, and now I feel a lost cause.

A lost soul.

They want us to lose our faith.

I don’t believe in his God, if that helps anything.

Suicide is the 7th leading cause of death and I’ve been trying to self-terminate since in womb.

By kindergarten, I got in trouble on the playground for tying a piece of string around my neck

They banned me from people or going outdoors for two weeks

But the prisoners get an hour of sun a day you see…

There are more horror stories and scars on my body – proving I’m a coward

I’m more sad the lotion in the bottle gave me sunspots – some aren’t natural now

I’m tired of crying

Or looking in the mirror

I have to go now because tears

Fuck you

I’ve been trying so hard to be good and you getting bonds for being bad

Fuck you

(I can’t work yet but Bookmarked the page)

1. Hire me please. A. I have Veteran preference. B. I come with official referrals. C. You’ll get a 5k bond for hiring me. D. I smile but am disabled so may forget to cross the T or dot the I.

Them: you’re hired

Seriously tho, I’m overqualified for these Taco Bell jobs, but have been out of the market for medical reasons. I’m hoping that maybe one day I can find a job to fit my disability and I’ll be using the career source and library to help fix me up an updated resume – I’d love to jump the hiring lines with “I come with a 5k bond”

I still have hope for my future to not be homeless

I want plan B to not be a gun…

I’d also like to plan for my 50th (instead of dying at age 45 like my sister, I was nearly there)

I’m 44 today… 🙂

I mean currently (my birthday isn’t until August)

If you base it on THIS calendar

This whole timeline is off

In 2018, a big electrical storm hit New Smyrna Beach (give or two a year), in which I drove directly into it, all four windows down, elbow and arm outstretched, 80 miles an hour, the whole jeep lit up, some hot shit touched me, I screamed “fuck” and thought my life was over, while looking in my rearview and arm windows, seeing tons of bands of lightning outstretched on the pavement, I jumped into this timeline here

My arm burned for days and I blogged about not having any iodine

Kinda got touched by God

I smelled the rain prior and knew a storm was coming but opted to have my windows down

There was no rain, only lightning, the thunder was so loud

I got pushed off a 50 foot bridge once, I’m not sure how I’m even alive

I felt more human feeding that squirrel than I have in some time

I could feel my heart repairing

Somehow, feeding Squirrel connects me to my purpose

The way Squirrel looks at me

Gonna toss him/her some pistachio soon

Yesterday, pumpkin/sunflower/peanut treats.

The way he looked at me

I need husband

He will need to “date me” (not compete) in order to make the mechanics and functions of a man/woman work (AKA imprinting)

(I’m probably some sort of organic AI)

(Angel)

(Not the artificial fake shit)

They want you to believe computers have feelings so you feel less guilt when you fall in love with a robot and not a human)

Awe what’s the matter boo, lost yer soul?

Posted on March 19, 2023March 19, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Prayers from purgatory

Father,
There’s almost nothing left
My sister is dead
I’m bereft
Sick in the head
Near out of breath
Want money in the bulkhead

Compartments upon compartments
Secret dirty pockets

Here I sit
Here I remain
Losing grip
Can’t change the game

Mirror mirror on the wall
Reflecting curse
And where I fall
Fuck you all

Bonds come in many forms
Like my love
It comes in swarms
Electronic storms

Investments
Feels like I’m restless
I’m vested
Better than arrested

I thought investment always meant high-risk / cutting at my wrist

If a paper bond is lost, stolen, destroyed or otherwise mutilated, a replacement electronic bond can be requested.

“MUTILATED”
The wife called aggravated
Divorce threatened
Says husband is hated!

New purchase
But it won’t help my purpose
I’m worthless

Late bloomer?
But don’t be discouraged
Blame the Boomer’s

Forced obsolescence
And second guesses
Year-long stresses
Everything depresses

Secular science / sleeping lion’s / full of compliance \

My nutritionist complains that spring water “has no calories” but I get cranky when it takes me 3 days and several stores later to find it

Florida and Texas have parasites in the water – and if we can’t wash our face with it – so it won’t get up yer nose – I checked – the ear canal is also a route – but then I would think the eye

Sylvia Plath LIED

I gotta start boiling my water to bathe

If your houseplants are dying, stop feeding them tap water. Pro tip.

I’m still 110 pounds – despite eating a shit ton of mostly vegetarian food – and not rebounding for a solid week.

Kept eating like a pig – nope can’t gain any weight

Getting back to rebounding tho – just been deep down wallowing and trying to fatten up

My heart is obsessed with rebounding tho – the carpet still hasn’t been replaced but it’s still March and time is awful slow

Also me: I’m running out of time

I don’t have an ounce of patience after wasting my 20s & 30s

I cry so much

You’re off chasing rainbows where the rain won’t shine
You’ll love in time
My hand is aging
Like hope is tied
Sun leans in raging
Petrified

My love,
In the universe, spheres aren’t really spheres
Innocuous
Joy reflect as fears
Lingering
Like how you disappear
You are gone –
So how are you here?

I’m not marriage material
I’m grounds for divorce
I’ll stick to my high horse

GARAGE SALE:
Please buy my things
I overspent
I’ll overprice it
It’s not magnificent

If it’s Made in China
I’ve gotten rid of it
The entire toolkit
Sent it back to orbit
Omitted
Ejected from the cockpit
Calling bullshit
Burn it in the pit
Claim counterfeit
Propaganda lightening skin hypocrite
Brown-nosing misfit
Yellow fever transmit
I’m sick of it

Weakened
Lost spirit
Gifts?
Forget it
Remorse?
Acquitted

I come without bond
Broken
Look inside
Heart ain’t coping

Like leaping ledge
Just barely hoping
Your foot will land
With surface sloping

Opposition disappearing
Dangerous dictatorship
Communist country
I’m growing hungry
Purposeful spread the virus
I read in silence

The holes stop healing when you die
Like all feeling disappearing
After you cry

Dear Mother,
You are cold war.
And Father, your mentor.
Though coldness, speak no more.

Father,
You are ice age
Swimming in the current
Of my full rage
Father, you are first plague

Mother,
You are cold war.
A six foot hole I am searching for.
Like a backdoor.

And father’s picture? An eyesore.

Postscript: Mirrors hold negative energy and the creams I was using cause “spots or burns” and I cry so much seeing myself in the mirror that I’ve now moved all mirrors from my bedroom, intend to get rid of or cover the others, am not allowed to wash my face with tap or shower water, per official government guidelines, and the cream I was using to not weather in the sun, in fact, made me weather in the sun, and so bottles are being thrown out, mirrors destroyed, tears finding unholy ground. But I’m still collecting seeds from the seed library (I’m half-alive hoarding dreams).

I wasn’t scared, I was sick.

And I’m still fighting off the devil.

And the urge of mass murder and suicide.

Have you seen the amount in the news?

Also, The Great Replacement theory is real.

I fell deeper in hell.

Two banks have been shut down.

I’ve stopped disassociating (and looking in the mirror).

I’m superstitious and see demons everywhere.

I need him to contact me.

Never mind the blocks (for his own protection)

Brian Cox is a pedophile faggot and – in his very own words – called a 38 year old man “old”.

He loves a brilliant young mind

Men hate women or anything natural or God like and are obsessed with their own creations such as AI, lab made cats and dogs, and say women have done nothing to contribute to society and are only good for childbearing

According to current studies, most married men want love with a prostitute (gag) (throws up in mouth)

I literally daydream of leaping off a bridge and that ain’t right

Fuck everything

Fuck you

I’ll be back at the library collecting seeds cause it fits in with my goals and values

I’m drifting buddy

*cries*

America is collapsing

I’m not racist but simultaneously hate everyone (unless good)

(I’m barely good)

(Hate self)

Pro tip: mirrors cause negative self-image and hold negative energies. Get rid of them. Stop looking. Now go off and be a good witch.

Happy cursing

I’m casting one soon on so-in-so

A tiny box with a mirror and his name sealed with a burnt black candle buried in the swamp

Because he hasn’t died yet (MB)

I’m undoing the curse from birth on…

Hear, hear!

Posted on March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Water from the hose

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

I used to drink water from the hose
How I’m alive nobody knows 
Or God, has the ratios 
I’m full of lead from head to toes 
Line my deathbed with black rose

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Posted on March 13, 2023 by poeeternal

From Hell (poetry)

I’m wailing
Climbing walls
Jumping halls
Blackmailing
Tell God I’m sailing
Direct from hell to heaven
Breaking spells
Inhaling
Predicting lies prevailing
The Devil got me detailing
And if you’ve done it
I’m telling
Double dare you
I’m yelling

Postscript: (beware)

I downloaded the JetPack cuz I’m tired of fighting the current.

But my bank pulled some shady shite today and I’m ready to bury my money.

Shit like where you can only use the app now to upload a check and automatically enrolling me into Bill Pay when I clicked on “learn more”.

The app was uninstalled but then you can’t use the check deposits feature or check your check deposits via the website (I’m tired of being forced to use an app or automatically signed up for things just for learning more)

But buried cash doesn’t earn interest

But I don’t trust the banks

Now would be a good time to drop recommendations on where to stash your cash (like a checking and savings)

I looked up the top ten worst banks – I mean the Federal reserve just took down a bank.

It’s hard to get a handle on my paranoia these days – and it don’t help when folks are always calling the cops on you.

Does someone want to gift me a paper bond? I need one for my 50th.

I suddenly have goals to live to see my 50th – and enjoy it – with a big lump sum of cash.

And so I’ve prayed to God, “I’m saving for my future. My 50th.”

I probably only have a few seconds left but I’m bargaining.

I cry and ache so much.

But maybe, if I am alive, in say, 6 ish years, I could celebrate.

Anyhoo, I’m already invested into that plan – I started this very month.

Even nearly dead, I’m planning for my future

(I hope it involves my own yard to plant these seeds I’ve started hoarding)

And then this happened… and now I’ve lost all hope

The Chinese must have got ahold

It’s a gamble saving for your future when you’re already dead

I can’t believe I got this fucking death jab – I hate the medical system with everything I have

Banks are collapsing

Governments are beyond corrupt

Have you seen the amount of murder/suicide lately?

They say we can’t wash our face with tap water anymore.

And I was stupidly here and there snorting tap water up my sinuses like a dummy – after blowing my nose or something – putting a drop on my finger – I ain’t the brightest crayon in the box

But a man in Florida recently died from a brain eating amoeba doing a tap water sinus rinse

They say drinking the water is fine – but don’t shower with your face in the water, don’t wash your face with tap water but drinking it is just fine

And I had just washed my face in the shower – with the tap getting all over – mouth closed – cuz earlier reports said stop showering with your mouth open

But a kid died from a splash park

And now – a man – rinsing his nose with water

DEAD

So stop washing your face with tap water (per official guidelines)

I guess we gotta start boiling the water before we bathe

At this point, I’m afraid to brush my tooth

I had a splash of shower water get in my nose – had a headache all night – panicked – said this is it

I ain’t dying in a hospital

Only 4 folks survived a brain eating parasite – and that kid that died at the splash park – well the employees were quietly quitting and not cleaning the water properly or documenting it

None of these official employees or states or governments ever get in trouble for the shit they do

Like that mass murder suicide in 2018 with the lesbian couple and 6 blm kids – the youngest jumped from a 2 story building and begged the neighbor not to go back

She should have ran far away (bless her heart, she tried so hard) (the state stood by and let her get murdered) (all of them)

Drove off a cliff

No escape

Locked in…

State murder lots of folk scotch free

Apparently, those who play by the rules are the mark

I’m coming to terms with that

I hate all these “new changes” as if it’s in our favor, benefiting us

It’s not

I made coconut cake

It’s a meal and a treat in one

Flax, and oats, and pumpkin seeds

Eggs, coconut milk, coconut flakes

Topped it with lots of oats and seeds as well (not just in the mix)

Anyhoo

The world is ending but I made cake

Slice?

Seriously, do not wash your face with tap water…

(At this point living near an active volcano may be safer than living with this government)

(Some crushed pineapple in the batter would have made this cake divine)

Posted on March 4, 2023March 5, 2023 by poeeternal

Silver and Copper (poem)

Silver and copper
My favorite topper
Wounds and blood and pauper
Jumping cracks like leafhopper 

Blackened skin maybe monster 
Bridges burning over water
Flying high helicopter
He never loved her

Posted on March 3, 2023March 3, 2023 by poeeternal

Torch (poem)

You hold distance like a torch
The sun is setting
I’m watching from my porch
The devil betting
But time has run its course

Sidenote: I still don’t know who or what I am.

Posted on March 3, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Regret (poem)

I regret crawling into that cave
Claw marks where I engrave
Rage like a heatwave
Headlamp won’t light the way
I rest here today

I don’t want wifi anymo

It’s got to go

More seeds for the dream yard

They are non GMO so I don’t have to burn them

Also scored a free book (limited supply) from the library

Unfortunately, despite NASA being a great joke, The Martian is still a favorite film (minus the gay hollywood music)

I don’t know what I’m allowed to have in life, or keep

Like why am I hoarding seeds and dreams?

And can things grow at Yellowstone? (Pro)

Will I accidentally boil myself in a hotspring? (Con)

Land near Yellowstone is cheap (pro)

But it’s also near a volcano (con) (unless maybe you’re suicidal!?!) (tbd)

Cheap land comes at a cost huh

So does visiting your old url

~~Fuck you~~

Posted on March 1, 2023 by poeeternal

Gravity (poem)

The moon gives me tilt
Seasonal travesty
Without any guilt
Go stand on her
I will give you lip

I should be sleeping. I’m not.

You got plans to go back to the moon in a decade huh. Gonna take ten years to manipulate the data/crowd.

Besides, April 2029 / the final time

Apophis is probably just an atom bomb

We probably bombed the moon

We probably bombed Mars

They can’t stop bombing earth

I’m probably closer to the truth than you are to standing on the moon

NASA is a scam

Stop taxing me

I can’t wait for the space shuttle to crash into our beautiful ocean – destroying sealife

It isn’t “in space” it’s “free falling earth’s gravity”

Fuck you

Posted on March 1, 2023 by poeeternal

Directed (poetry)

A purchase has been scheduled / directed by the devil / but nothing I can’t handle

The United States / a nation of immigrants / minus the Native’s they enslaved to get it

Dear Father
Please respond
It’s a matter of death
I’m overcome

But I’ll push the latter
While falling off the ladder
Which one will matter
I’m growing madder

From seconds to 40k / I want my own driveway

Seed collection

I’m saving more than copper and silver, fuck you.

Tell God I’d like some place far from here to grow them.

This is hell. I wanna plant these babies somewhere else.

Even tho, they could be grown in the windowsill.

This.Is.Hell.

Help.

I hate how expensive it is to do anything. I hate the boomers.

There are things I don’t hate.

Seeds. Sunshine. Shade. Spring water. Nuts. Squirrel. Pretty bird. Crow.

I once liked having a job too. I’m considering remote work.

I’ve lost my mind but still have a Bachelor degree. Whatever that means.

I hope remote work.

Otherwise engaging at a sit down job at Aldi sounds potential.

“You plan on tossing him on the grill”

“Yum”

I’m sick of chasing my tail inside the deathcare health system

I ain’t better yet

But I’m sick of sitting around waiting to die

Working the movie ticket booth sounds ideal – weekends and weird hours no one wants.

Also me: I can’t fucking breathe

But I got my 20 minute rebound session in – getting fit with gravity

The rent is paid. They are dicking me around about my carpet “more time”

M’kay but calling the Health Department soon and whoever else I gotta…

I gotta download another app to do anything huh

Jetpack? A filter ontop a filter ontop a filter

Please no more

I don’t want to grow my seeds here

I don’t want to live here

I don’t want to die here

I’m sick of being sick

All woe ~~is me~~

But I had a multigrain bagel with cream cheese and avocado for brunch (groceries from home) with hot chocolate and some sort of milk with probiotics but no lactose and yum

I am trying to get fat

109 pounds currently

(Steel abs, peachy peach)

(Looking zombie in the face)

(Need him)

Land near Yellowstone is cheap (pro)

But it’s near a volcano (con)

Flip a coin?

I do like my investor inbox, FYI

I want my own business cleaning shit no one else wants to do

“Phew that was rough but we got 3 bags done”

“High five”

Like I wanna help people who are nearly dead and dying – not die

I need purpose

Which isn’t working 3 jobs to pay the electric rent insurance

There’s verifiable proof immigration makes the rental and housing market increase

I’m not getting anything out of being alive

When every dime goes to keeping afloat

Posted on March 1, 2023March 1, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Tasteless (poem)

I had to make order of the chaos
By getting rid of it
Crying lots and a little bit
Putting dying on hiatus
Changing energy from stasis
Burning bridges and first basis
I’m the best at tasteless

I know you’re out there. ~~I know~~ you still love me.

The furniture was removed for free yesterday.

I was grateful and humiliated at the same time.

I wish I had offered him more than a protein treat for reward.

He took the treat.

I wish he would have taken my humiliation with him out the door. But alas, it remains with me.

There is nothing here but broken dreams and damaged carpet.

I am but a shell.

Crawling back to theta mode

I hate it here

This manmade infected environment full of natural flavor and narcissism

I know you’re in love with a prostitute

Did you know the government makes money from prostitution and most porn is made in California and Nevada made prostitution legal and our doors are open to immigration 24/7 and there is a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution

I get called a “manhater”

The place is empty of life or longing.

Dogs and cats are not native to the environment

Just wanna see earth win

White people should be on the endangered species list – check the census

Glad Black Lives Matter are the only one who matters

Posted on February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Struts and Shocks (poem)

I’m struts and shocks / your heart tied in knots / his equinox / if I’m there or not \

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Postscript

He said I had some seconds left in my tires, I said, well, what does that mean?

He said, “they ain’t got any life left”

I said, well, how much is that gonna cost me?

(You know, everything)

They took good care of her, cleaned up my brakes – got off the rusty business. I’m uninstalling the step up bars next stop, getting the spark plugs and tires replaced.

Eventually, the shocks and struts.

Could I sell her for the pretty penny CarMax offered me? Sure. I could sell or trade her in for a “younger model”.

But it’s Valentines, we’ve been together since 10K miles, I’m not ghosting her or leaving her in this hellhole (please God, we want out)

You seen Thelma and Louise? We’re together til the end. Potentially.

Hopefully not such a dramatic ending but I daydream of it.

Fantasize about ending my life.

Don’t want her to be a casualty of war driving off a cliff

Apparently when you take your ride into the shop, if you say things like “she’s a good girl”, “she just hit 76k”, “she’s making squeaky noises”, – they will assign more value to your ride, as my technician was still tweaking her, even after he drove her around to the front, he was on the ground, tool in hand.

I said, “can we get rid of that thang” and honestly, it wasn’t even installed correctly (so Pep Boys will be removing my step-up underbar next visit, no charge).

Struts are likely third in line for install – but poem written anyway.

I was like “can the rust be cleaned next visit” not realizing he already took care of that – as they were spic and span heading to the car (it’s an SUV)

Maybe, today instead of coming to work, and hating your job, you appreciate and value it instead, happy customer means more business – and not because you did something shady – but now you can relax knowing hooker income is incoming

Simply for doing your job and being proactive

He went above and beyond – or did his job – to the BEST of his ability – instead of quietly quitting

But there was no tip jar

There was no option to tip

I hope to hell God let’s me escape here

It’s good to have goals in hell

Some of the savings was depleted but that’s what the savings is for…

Right?

That’s why there’s 4 different saving pots to pull from.

I’ve decided I’m heading to GameStop to sell the ps4. Whatever the offer is – give it fucking to me.

I gotta replenish the gold at the end of the rainbow

I ain’t even got a TV

And even when I did, the sucker stayed turned off six months

That fucking propaganda box cost me everything

I haven’t renewed my lease so

Turned in all my library books – not wasting any more miles driving to that gorgeous dump

The sun was burning me through the window and I was asking/praying was I “doing the right thing”

“Should I be here, replacing my drive train belt”

I feel like I gotta escape a black hole…

Tires and spark plugs next

If God will may…

Make way for the Great Escape

To where?

A fucking homeless shelter cuz have you seen the price of lodging these days!?!?

$2k per month for extended stay

Or $2k for an acre of land and free sunshine

Fuck you

Posted on February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

The use of WordPress in higher education

So – were you aware – that universities are on WordPress and require students to use WordPress to post and respond to other students post – and receive GRADED reports

Cuz that wasn’t in the Privacy policy or any of the FAQ or payment policies

I’m not just paying to reach my tribe – they are flooding the network however they can – so we can chase our tails – meanwhile the younger generations get fed with a platinum spoon – this society

We’re paying in the upwards of $300 -$600 to maintain our blogs/ websites every three years – to reach students and faculty! (Or around $150 annually)

F- U – C – K YOU

Here’s an example in use: https://intothewildbyjohnkrakauerthestoryofchrismccandles.wordpress.com/

https://wpengine.com/resources/wordpress-for-education/

https://www.eridesignstudio.com/insights/70-universities-using-wordpress/

https://wptavern.com/new-report-estimates-wordpress-market-share-of-us-higher-education-institution-websites-at-40-8

Just thought you should know before you bust out the checkbook to keep growing an audience ~~you like to run away~~

They also hire hackers to blow up the place to sell you “site security”

I can put two and two together

Posted on February 13, 2023February 13, 2023 by poeeternal

Eat (poetry)

I could eat contempt / wrap it with lament / file it tax exempt / yell “god damnit” / my brain will forget / I haven’t cared yet \

Searching for you in typeface / underlines / and heartbreak / happiness is our stake / a gamble we should take \

A thousand miles from nowhere / I want to go there / ask God there’s hope where \

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Posted on February 12, 2023February 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Wish (poem)

I wish he would bed me / take me down the aisle / then fucking wed me / I wanna get heavy / not fucking buried / I wanna get married

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal.

Posted on February 12, 2023February 12, 2023 by poeeternal

Bloody Valentine’s (poetry)

This comment is hate filled / a sinkhole / for you to build.

There’s likely bloodstains in the carpet / bloodstreams of my target / am I the carcass?

He shot her in her wedding dress / but love her / he’d never confess.

Father / they’ve all chosen sin / and I’m sinking / in quicksand.

Hey Sun,

How did you rise?
With light in eyes?
Is there time to shine?

Hey Sun,

Am I alright?
The peerless moonlight
Will we unite?

(Love you forever)

Postscript

*do something / act abnormal to run your blog readers off*

*insert insanity here*

*program successfully installed*

I got John hanging in front of me, and dear Edgar in my rearview, in a puff of smoke, just loving the 10k hand I have drawn.

Werd.

I could use a real hand getting the apartment prepped to be stripped of this danky old carpet, and replaced with some fresh skin (lighter color too)

Don’t even know if I’m staying

LAUGHS

Immortally insane

Running through my vein

Edgar wants me to pick up a typewriter and get off this broken iPhone

I knew the phone was subject to break – but alas – even with these cursive powers – I did nothing to stop its fall

Oh shittte, it broke more than I thought

BABE

Fuck Apple, it’s a 6, I’m done selling shit – and jump off a bridge

But there’s poisoned sweet potato pie in the fridge

There is indeed, God bless, we’re gonna learn to make a healthy pie, but for now, poisoned pie for Valentine

*squee

Postnote: I ignored all the ingredients when I saw the price marked down to $2.50 with a date of 2/15. Said, “you’re coming with me”

But for real tho, don’t buy the pie

(It’s poisonous)

(You die, I die – but we’re not together, Romeo)

P.S.S.S?? Been rebounding my ass off (the rebounder fitness – resistance training – getting fit with gravity – weeee)

I’m two scenes on repeat currently – in my favorite film – Made in Heaven (1987?)

The one where he’s tossing his drink in the mirror / laying in the road screaming to God / Emmet “as himself” AND

Her, crying in public on the street – she got arrested too – dark days ahead

Welp.

GOD: if you don’t find each other, you’ll both be miserable

God: there’s no guarantee you’ll come back

Me: YOU TOOK MY LIFE

The roses are dying / cuz I’m done trying / the crow is black / his heart tarmac

*insert another copyright here*

I wore a t-shirt to the medical clinic once – with Poe on it – and the technician asked if it was Hitler

Millennial or GENZ

I sighed and said “Poe”

“Kind of a popular stash then tho, huh…”

“Hitler”

*makes awkward attempt to continue on with life wearing such an offensible shirt*

(Wonders if others mistake Him for Hitler too)

*creepily laughs

These motherfuckers are in charge

*nearly chokes on the air

*tries not to die*

And in a more recent attempt at “getting out and socializing”

I ordered food – through a drive thru

It wasn’t busy – I had time to count my cash – fuck the elite – you wanna be a cashless society and track me huh – fuck you – cash everywhere or boycott

Him (another Millennial/GenZ): why did you give me so much money!?!? *looks at me stumped like I’m stupid

Me: what do you mean!?!? *looks confused / haz brain injury / why am I so stoopidd

…well, I, gave you MORE to get the big bills back…

Him: *clearly confused – counts the money – proceeds to hand me a ten back, a five, and some silver.

So apparently I’m not stupid. Just pre- computer age.

I once had to work at registers where you needed to know basic math – to count change back

Remember when they upgraded the register to tell you the change back

MY GOD they made us beg and groggle for those jobs!!!!!!

“Don’t discuss your income in the workplace”

FUCK YOU

I mean, Happy Valentine

Burn in hell

*insert shitty photo of me here

I don’t want to see myself in the mirror – or on my blog currently – tho I haz space now

I wants new blog

*stomps feet*

I wants better home

*if I buy the land / will you buy the home?

Tell me, I need to know!!!!

A rose garden / an iron fence / him dressed in darkness / at my defense / our first kiss / give me this

Posted on February 11, 2023February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Attic (poetry)

I have gluten free parts / unless you count my farts.

I run my visitors off / like a cap I’m twisting off / Kiss them with scoff /but first to read their blog.

Sweet kiss of oblivion – heart like obsidian.

I gave him my love / still he / tossed it in the mire / made me walk on fire / like I’m some liar.

Why would he love a dead red sea / is that what I’m becoming / is there good in me?

Left behind
But forced to go on
Through the grime
Delete my life
Rearrange the pie
Crunch time

He’s interested in the context
Not the poetry but my point next
He gets into the prospect
What makes me sad
What I detest
He’s like a mirror what I reflect

I woke up with money, and I mean a lot;
Unless you think ten grand is not.

In the far recesses of your heart, moving forward and backward feel the same

If you’re gonna reset the deck
Don’t write the check
Force your hand instead
Erase the bet
Need savings to your neck

Montana
Mountains
Call of the wild
Throw a dart
I’ll drive there

God recalled
Every little sin
One of God’s flaws

Find me in the attic
Uncovering mirrors
Acting erratic
Unlike the flickers
They seem more static
Visions are clearer

I’m usually not wrong with my calculations unless it’s math
Then I have to ask

I don’t know what hate is / I’m only torn by love

Heads up: A lender reported that the status of your account is now current. Drifting but determined. Maybe we’re learning. But watch for what is coming…

FOR THE RECORD: I hate my online etiquette but I’m at odds to change it.

It’s me not you…

P.S. I’ve yelled at my body to “grow up” so much in the mirror but alas I’m this tiny fucking thang.

No man has ever made me feel like a woman either.

So fuck you.

But please stay.

I wish he’d remove my clothing – instead of my wings.

Posted on February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 5 Comments

Separated (poetry)

Separated by billions of light-years / this love

I’m using line breaks now. Am I a better poet?

I do crave the sound and clack and annoyance of an old typewriter.

I’m not going to put a filter on my poetry like Boeing put one on to tell the plane it can fly

Up down, up down, up down 18 times before it took a nosedive into the deep blue sea

The President: “you’ll need to rebrand”

GMO: “we’re Bioengineered Ingredients now”

The FDA: “we don’t want to tell you what’s on the labels” / NATURAL FLAVOR in EVERYTHING

(It was mad in a lab)

And now companies act like Coca Cola using “secret formulas”

It says it’s good for me so it must be true

(They’ll believe anything)

STOP TOUCHING ME AT CHURCH SPEAKING IN TONGUE

The sounds of my ribs breaking across the ocean as I leap from a bridge / has got to be better than the noises my BLACK LIVES MATTER neighbors love to make

Marriage / or go Hulk / take out the city block

Okay, I get the idea / but isn’t my context good enough

Did you know an acre cost about $2k grand?

If I started the paperwork, I could buy around 7 acres ~~tomorrow~~

I’m only begging God for 1-5

Did you know I’ve already started collecting seeds?

Special seeds. For ~~our~~ garden.

EVE needs THE GARDEN

I dreamed the birds came to me

Fuck you.

Go enjoy your prostitutes

I should never be included in “a list” (top or not)

I already fell for you / asshole.

You destroyed my wings

You stripped me! Without consent!

If you don’t give me my mini garden the world will end

I know it’s what you what

Nihilist

And I’m gonna be crawling for John Jones / you better get over it

The world doesn’t revolve around YOU

Others need my special love – my light / it’s fading

My signal soon gone

My last will and testament is to die in peace

Man is only concerned with AI and “man’s best friend” and his own inventions

Destroying the world White lives & Native American first – well there’s been other resets

6th mass extinction currently – all with malicious intent “we create our own reality” / we destroyed Mars

Now we’re off to “save it” only we can’t leave earth

Van Allan Belt

NASA says “they made worse”

I need to ~~train for cold weather~~ grow some thangs

I’d rather gut myself with my bayonet / than to let him see me in real time / at my worse

(~~no filter in the real world~~) “weathered” (one of them that shouldn’t be in the sun / fuck you)

Tell him / I need more time

(God too please)

Posted on February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Midnight Sun (poetry)

He’s like a long-winded walk
Under midnight sun
And though he’s likely not you
He’s to blame for all you’ve done

*insert clever line breaks here*

Posted on February 11, 2023February 11, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

The Hunger (poetry)

Did you ever think God needs you here to keep this place from going under
You’re light and thunder
Relax your plunder
I need you longer
To wake from slumber
Realize the hunger

Postscript

I write for God now.

Could you please let God know I’m exhausted and need to rest a bit longer.

These demons have not stopped pounding me since I was born.

My dreams consist of multiple murder and full vape pens.

The mind normally gets what the mind wants

The face may show sadness, the eyes show rage

“The scientists” say that once bees are dead – all life will vanish

“The scientists” have fucked around with the genetic coding of honey bees, which has resulted in a 50% life reduction drop.

The honeybees only live 50% of the life God had intended for them – now that the “scientists” have reduced their genes to half life.

They thought the bees would be “more productive”. Pay attention

These demons are killing EVERYTHING

I do not fear imprisonment, my heart would self-annihilate or I’d ensure humane ending via a cop ending my life prematurely

Keep swinging your dick on the road like you have more importance than ~~everyone~~ women

Tell me something is wrong with me again

I’ll respond: what’s the matter honey? You in-love with a prostitute?

Yes. We know you all are.

The studies say over 50% of men want love with a prostitute and would legalize prostitution

There’s also a direct link to sex trafficking and prostitution – with testimony from men, “she looked trafficked and frightened and underage but it’s what I want”

Fuck you

Cut me off again, anywhere, anyday

You only treat prostitutes with respect huh

Like this book “racing the light” that I checked out from the library just yesterday – nowhere in the synopsis did I know porn would be the subject.

So far, the writer has used his characters to complain about the daily women, one being a “skinny scarecrow”, the other being “fat” – yet glorifying the porn star on the poster, how she looks amazing wearing “all black”. How they wouldn’t fuck her during a podcast show because they have boundaries

GET IN THE FUCKING SEA

I’m done reading!

Chapter 7! He’s on his way to meet the famous pornstar!

Gag me! I’d rather die than live in this porn infested society!

Stop conditioning!

This book should not be at the library!

Walmart and the mall should not be selling sex equipment in front of children or me!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU

Tell God I’m angry!!!!!!!

The honeybees deserve more!

Science is unethical!

Art is sin!

90% of all murder happen by men!!!!!!!!!

The other ten percent I’m contemplating falling in!

So many men are committing crimes they are reducing sentences – opposite for women – hardly any do so punishment is more severe

Rules for thee, not for me

I’m gonna fuck you up if you smile at me incorrectly or refuse to open the door when you see me

Cut me off again

I triple dare you

Money don’t mean shit to me

Ending your pathetic society tho – like Bonnie ~~and Clyde~~

I dream of it

DAYDREAMS

Of bloodletting

With the de-lite

~~BLACK LIVES MATTER~~ / ASIAN HATE ✓

All before morning coffee

Born this way

Need him to go where I’m going

The library is no longer a safe place for me – I’m angry and contending with that now

I sensed this with the LGBT and Boomer staff lurking and the “smell of lies” and the street political thugs in gold begging for my signature

Still there was hope

Briefly

It didn’t last very long

People ruin everything

I’m finely crafting my monster and angelic side –

Men have suppressed me from sex and defense

They get sex and murder – with the slap of a hand

Cut me off again

I can’t be the only woman feeling this way

Gonna start a riot

The way doctor lady swallowed when I told her “according to the latest studies over 51% want love with a prostitute and would vote yes”

Gutted her right there in her stool

Continued gutting her with more facts

I’m maybe the Oracle but get treated like Agent Smith

I’m maybe Neo Trinity Morpheus too

“Why me Gabriel” (you’re going to hell for the life you took – you’re fucked)

Should I join the order of Satanism? I was reading over their website – I read the DR book age 16 – it cost money to join – they say titles are earned – whatev, give me Priestess or fuck off – I will keep my $$$

Also, should I join? The order?

Of Satanism?

Revenge is a dish served by an Angel rogue in hell

It’s just another form of narcissism carefully crafted

“We’re not religious but we are, we think we’re Gods”

LAUGHS

Oh yeah?

So adorable

I really enjoy spending time in the sun getting “weathered” and feeding all God’s creatures

Probably causing them more harm but the intention is good

Tell God I’m sorry for being such a fuck up

I know I’m suffering cuz I died via suicide – this hell

But when do I?

I’ve been conditioning myself to do it since in womb

Age 5 on the kindergarten – got in trouble for putting “string around my neck and pulling” – wasn’t allowed sunshine or going outdoors for weeks (fuck you)

You treat prisoners better than civilians

I’ve got scars from cutting on my body

Charming

I worry more about my stretch marks than I do scars over my big veins

LOOK: TRIED TO KILL MYSELF THAT DAY

Wanna get married?

*jumps from bridge

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

Anti-Valentine (micropoetry)

I should move the place you most hate; get a little cabin by the lake.

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Domuso – third party rental payment processors – SCAM

A total scam

Delete your account

Write a paper check

Pay a money order

Protest

It should be illegal anyway – forcing us to pay rent online

Fucking move

Into a tent if you gotta…

I’m still waiting for my rent payment to go through – since the 31st

Paid my rent ahead of schedule – now collecting late fees – new management in the apartment instructed to “not even call Domuso support” and they have to call – to give permission to cancel it – since it’s in an “authorized status” according to Domuso – whom I contacted myself.

I guess they want me chasing my tail about my rent – worrying about fees and whatnot. I’m not.

Back to check writing.

And I dare you to make me homeless for refusal to “pay online” like you are enforcing other apartment buildings to do.

Go check the reviews about this company. They out there stealing money from folks.

It’s now day 9 and my payment is still pending and I’m not allowed to cancel it in an “authorized status” – the apartment complex must call Domuso and give the approval – but management says to “wait” and “we’re not allowed to call…”

Meanwhile, the fees are collecting and I went in with my checkbook ready to fix THEIR MISTAKE (I’m using the same bank I’ve been – no changes, my bank isn’t withholding my payment – nor do they have any reason to) but they refuse to do anything about my pending payment in cyber space and were ready to put a late notice on my door.

Do.

I dare you.

I have contacted Domuso via email and phone – same generic response, “your property needs to accept the transaction” but why should they when they can quietly quit and rack up charges and evictions on poor unsuspecting dumb folk

Touche

Hope you like your job very much…

Posted on February 9, 2023February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

Merry-Go-Round (poetry)

Am I sleeping beauty?
Put under spell?
Are you creeping monster?
Or savior in this hell?

Am I just gloomy?
Cheerful carrousel?
Are we fast moving?
Or racing parallel?

Copyright © 2023 PoeEternal. All rights reserved. No portion of this website, including text, photos, and videos, may be reproduced, copied, saved, transferred, or transmitted in any manner, digital or otherwise, without written permission.

Mary go round – the truck – like a vulture – ready to devour the dead

Welp ^^ ^^

*bat wings

Posted on February 9, 2023 by poeeternal

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?” (true tales)

“What’s the matter honey, you depressed?”

“Get help”

Those were the questions asked of me after I was rudely cut off on the road, so I rudely began following him, to wherever we were now going.

We wound up in a parking lot for several minutes – he threatened the cops – they never came.

Got his license plate number anyway

Stalked him until he was sweating anyway

But y’all keep giving yourself away

I should have responded “homicidal” but asked “was he in a rush to get to his prostitute.”

Of course, he called me a “manhater” LAUGHS

I’m ready to rip your veins from your neck – and your cock – with my teeth

Please keep risking my life – and then insulting me when I call you out

When he threatened to call the cops, I responded: “I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have the less they work. Please call the cops.”

He retreated to inside his vehicle – but it didn’t stop me circling his vehicle like a vulture

So – y’all are making us depressed with malicious intent and purpose – so we’ll “get a job” and “see a therapist” – something must be wrong – we cry and boys don’t. Ohh boo

90% of all murders happen by men.

Please keep pissing me off

P.S. the jobs and medications to keep me asleep while you live a double and triple evil life – no longer work

Maybe you should have treated ALL WOMEN with respect, not just the prostitutes you’re “in love with” according to the latest studies “most men want love with a prostitute”

*throws up

Fuck you

Cut me off again

I double dare you

P.S.S. That’s TWO days in a row I’ve had the cops threatened on me.

P.S.S.S. Might be meeting my future husband soon and getting a new home. Do you think I’ll get visitation?

Yes. No. Maybe (select one) (please return)

Posted on February 8, 2023 by poeeternal

Stay in the light… (poetry)

The light moves
Through dark and greys
The way it soothes
When heart would stray
It won’t lose way

Postscript

I think the sun is likely female

Light is information

Your heart, brain, your nerves electrical

Little light-beings

Not your fleshlight

“I’m sorry Cooper, you had a gift and you didn’t get to use it”

If only my parents would acknowledge their mistakes with their children

The father must be wondering if he’s sending his sister out into the great unknown to see if “I am happy”, in which, “I am not” and I’m stalking my father to see if his address is on the sex registry, where I learned a list “is not forever” – in fact, many states are reducing the length of time a name should be on

My own flesh was surprised to just learn that the list “is not forever”

The list should be one list and forever

Maybe I should go pay the ole father a visit

Will be hard to look upon him without spitting or disgust

Can barely write this now without snarling

The Boomers sold America out

Need land. Want to grow things.

Been disassociating. Have money. Lots.

LAUGHS

I swear to fuck, Edgar just said, “this one’s on me”

He doesn’t want me dying in the street

Been there, done that mentality

I need a lock of his hair and Jone’s skull

Thinking of buying land out in Montana

I’m gonna get him outta that fucking hole

People do it… I’ve read

Years later. A recovery after the government said no.

They were later blessed.

They just went in and did it, danger and all.

Some die trying. Bless.

But many mostly succeed. Determined.

He wants out. It was his final wish. His last will and testament.

Management thought a death would bring in more $$$$. He was disappointed it closed. Surprised. I read his own fucking lines.

I wanna rip his fucking cock out with my teeth

Maybe I should write a story – fictional – and focus on buying land in Montana instead

The desert is probably a terrible place to grow things

Are there trees in Montana? Is there sunshine and a sun? What sort of food can I grow? What are the taxes like? What are restrictions like? Can I have a chicken coop?

Not to slaughter but I’ll steal the eggs – with gratitude and love

I don’t know how to take care of a plant, let alone a chicken…

I could dig a foxhole and protect them tho…

I don’t want to kill the fox tho

The fox is hungry

He will probably be getting fed..

All of God’s creatures can come to me for food

If God will allow me to provide for them

I want to be called Willow, or my land

“Willow acres” or something

1-5 acres is all I am asking for

I have a COE

Please ask God to protect me from my crazy behavior, I’m spinning wild

Should I buy land in Florida? I don’t wanna now – it’s gone – immigration ruined it 😦

*sadface*

The sinkholes, the limestone

Can’t even take a bath after knowing what recently happened to that one brother “in his bed”

What the fuck was he looking at tho? For real? The earth got mad!

Sorry don’t meant to victim blame

Terrible terrible way to go

Sinkholes are to be feared

And most Floridians fear them more than the gators…

Please stop using the animals as entertainment and selling their teeth

I still have mine – and cry

Poor baby gators

Getting their teeth knocked out for a few bucks

God made me so depressed

*sigh*

I always hated investing but now I’m trying to study and learn and just keep going over it until something finally sticks

The ah ha moment

All my research says stay away from the stock market if you don’t want your savings to plummet

I’ve had mine in investment funds for years – growing – ungrowing – I fear to peer

I didn’t know I had any at all

I thought I had lost it all

I have my down payment for my land or home – and I can borrow against it or remove it all (with a penalty)

Or keep investing (with minimal to high risk)

Are banks even interested in a $15k down payment? Does money still talk?

I’m talking 1-5 acres

Is cash still king?

Or do I gotta take in a gift card and doughnuts?

Shouldn’t they be feeding me? To get the sale?

The Army and Marines took me to lunch – more than once – the Marines heartbroken when I chose Army green

Oh boo, my uniforms are obsolete

And I’m so fucking small – I get lost in them now..

Can’t even sell the new ones – even old – cuz they changed uniforms again!!! Immigration is a Trojan horse!

Me and the old vets complain about how these kids don’t leave a building to fight…

They’re planning something sinister

Is Montana a good place to move? About to throw a dart…

Posted on February 7, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

The Answer (thoughts out loud)

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND – is going to be my answer for everything

*arrives at heaven’s headquarters

“Did you experience joy”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local hitler hospital deathcamps

“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

*at the local coffee shop

“Would you like cream with that”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

The MRI doc saw me at my worse and noted it wasn’t self-image

After I scolded him for scolding me for making him late for ~~his next~~ appointment with his prostitute (I mean “patient”)

I scolded him for me “not being marriage material” – so I wasn’t worried about making him late

When I don’t even have a husband to go home to…

Caught him trying not to look as I was leaving

All 111 pounds pending surgery (I’m likely not going to get)

I’m gonna start juicing and doing a hardcore regime

When researching, one person beat the odds – but she also had people bringing her vegetables and fruits to encourage her – it took a village – not just her own pocketbook.

Ain’t nobody knocking on my door bringing soup – let alone fresh herbs to juice with so not to die.

I’m getting death threats

(But my doctors do encourage me to stay alive – the male ones anyway)

The females can piss off – they aren’t as smart or empathetic – I hate being under THEIR CARE

HELPS

P.S. don’t try to maintain a schedule – if I pick up on that – I will intentionally make you ~~late~~ lose time/money with the prostitute

I will pick up on it

And now any time he drives to a prostitute, “not marriage material she said”

Some of y’alls addiction’s are costing us

I’m out for revenge

Gonna make you late now everywhere – everyone – everybody

That’s my level of petty

You wanna call the cops on me? Giddyup!

You hate scheduling appointments? Awe. Shame you were such a bitch I’m missing all my classes.

Self help books exist and I can read and do not need a librarian to check out – we got the self checkout system – for once – I can pass go and not pay $200 or look at your face ever again.

The cop likes me there, he gets my sweet side.

Maybe he’s my future hubby

YOU NEVER KNOW

“You that girl I see at the library”

“Yea”

“Why you having the law called on you”

I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND

Posted on February 7, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Apparently I have worth (journaling)

And money

I have TWO investment funds

TWO

I currently can’t contribute to them but I can move them around and they are EARNING intrest

I’m not working currently but I could move them to an outside 401K or IRA

I have them nestled in a “safe” zone and I thought I had drained them and closed them – I had not :p

I had a weird lesson yesterday while waiting on the cops to show up for me – whom never arrived – even after waiting ten minutes in the parking lot – driving off a few blocks – returning and beeping my horn – still no cops – dern.

My future husband may be a cop – and cuffing me would only turn me on – as I’m dead inside with no adrenaline glands to tease me

So please – do as you say you will do – and call

(I did in fact see one turn and head that direction – just like in a video game – I thought – I’m playing real life – the heat is on – retreat.)

But in the games I have adrenaline.

I’m too calm taming the beast.

All these NPC’s getting in the way of my big mission

Cuz I came home and discovered I ain’t broke entirely

I could start the process to withdraw my money – at a 20% taxed penalty.

Or, move my funds into a “high risk” fund.

Maybe start with the smaller account, play around with him first.

I have nearly $12K

One with over 10k (big heart eyes) and one with over 1K (big heart eyes)

Money should make me feel something but it never has

I’m careless spending

I took a loan on it during my transition – thought I pulled it all – apparently I set myself up for success during my fall

AMAZING GOOD GIRL

I do want to take a financial class and I hope my next book I check out will be Americanized and not British – as the book I checked out was all about pounds (it did not say this anywhere on the cover or insert, only in the preface you cunt) – they (the brits) get to sit down on the job – life is different for them – and how they earn thus save. Fuck off, book returned partially read.

I will sign up for free financial assistance – they offer the vets this – fuck us up the ass but say “don’t worry, we offer free advising”

Sign me up

I’m paying attention this time

I still need a husband to manage my finances

I won’t have a husband cuz he’ll message “he’s running late” and I’ll demand a divorce since he’s “seeing a prostitute”

A Skype call will come in 2 minutes later where an entire team will yell “he’s madly in love with you” and he’ll come through the door with chocolate edible roses after the meeting

Since he humiliated me with the Skype call – had me red blushing – the whole office laughing

In 2018 the judge didn’t want to speak to me “until I took three breaths” because “I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind us” and I told her my parents didn’t teach me about credit or those kinds of monsters under my bed – she said hers did and she still messed up

But I thought I drained my retirement savings “staying afloat”

BB had on a life jacket apparently

So I called this morning, “I don’t know why I created a new account when there’s no money in it and I can’t do anything with it”

Well, turns out, I do have money – in two accounts – both earning – they can be moved to other funds (some safe, some risky) or moved to an outside 401/IRA.

If I start work again, I can contribute to them (disabled not obsolete)

I could take it all out right now and buy some land or a home

I’m done pawning things and selling things

I have a “savings problem” just like China (it creates inflation)

Monkey see, monkey do

I urge you to start saving too

Let the window clerk quietly quitting give you the fuel you need

Pick up that dirty money on the ground

I may pick up the lost dirty money but I don’t steal tip money you fucking cunt

Let that be the cue you need to quit spending thousands of dollars on weed that don’t work

The audacity

I am not your sanctuary for healing after you’ve committed a bad deed

My soul has boundaries

My thoughts too

I didn’t tell my sister goodbye when she was dying at age 45

So please, call the cops on me after you’ve insulted me multiple times, I will wait

My future husband may be arriving to arrest me

Maybe I will feel something

Uhm, I’m not as broke as I thought I was!?!

I woke up in a different timeline again

Where I have some retirement investments still – despite the Great Economic fall – I had a lifeline

“Life Jackets worn – nobody mourns” HOOAH

I am a wild anomaly

Still might be homeless soon – can’t have a feeling – but definitely be needing that new carpet if I inhabit these grounds another year

Apparently hotel living can cost about as much as a rental each month – but it may include coffee and zero commitment

Now might be a good time to chill out and not get arrested

It’s just, I’m feeling what Edgar felt and responding accordingly

Sure I look like a crazy wild ape, but they need to learn a lesson

God saw what he needed to see

I would have died with thousands of dollars I had completely forgotten about

LAUGHS

What other gold have I hidden in society

It’s been earning me interest all these years

I think it’s important to discuss savings – so many out here struggling for various reasons

I thought I had lost it all

I have over ten thousand dollars in my one fund (not bragging, many years of investing into my fund through hard work) (getting up them early hours) (staying late) (pulling 60/90 hour work weeks)

Working 12 days straight in a row every month – without a day off – for nearly 8 years

And y’all complain when you go a week…

I worked the other weeks in the month too – just with a weekend off or two

I’m exhausted and disabled

But glad you don’t have to worry about quality control or ethics at your job – I’m done supporting society

And you want your tip first – giveme giveme giveme

Fuck you – I’m not tipping you so you can go get a hand job before you even bring me my meal

Fucking ass cunt

Posted on February 6, 2023 by poeeternal

Broke the new mop cleaning (tales from the crypt)

I. Can’t. Win.

Tried to sell my PS4 rig. Had the cops called on me instead.

I said go on, I’ll wait.

They closed shop.

Waited outside ten minutes, cops never arrived.

Left. Passed a cop. Went back. Drove through and tooted my horn and waved.

Still no cop. Shame.

I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have – the less they work.

Probably cheaper to have bought my items

And before you go taking their side

I honestly had not done anything wrong

I got excited at the mention of cops

“Oh yeah”

“Well go on then, I’ll wait…”

I guess I’m done pawning shit in this town

But I ain’t done tooting!

Looks like I’m keeping the ole PS4 – I’m being cockblocked from selling or deleting my account

And if you threaten the cops on me, make sure you deliver. M’kay.

Oh and… broke the new mop cleaning.

The metal handle twisted like foil.

Gotta get on my hands like Cinderella to scrub.

And buy a new mop. Made of Iron apparently.

Fuck you

Posted on February 6, 2023February 6, 2023 by poeeternal

Sick building syndrome

Sick building syndrome – Wikipedia
— Read on en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sick_building_syndrome

Poem coming soon. Cuz sometimes your environment makes you sick. I looked into it.

I can read between the fine print.

I was making 65k annually before the government hiring freeze.

Before the manmade pandemic. Before the immigrants stole my job. Then poisoned me with their snake oil.

I’ve been hanging out in a dark void. I can assemble their wicked thoughts.

I see dead people. Without souls. Demons congregating.

The boomers and LGBT working at the library treat me like a thief – cuz I’m genz – woken – and not under their godforsaken spell.

The next time grandpa overuses his power – by staring me down five minutes as I decide on a title to check out – I’ll walk over to the cop and ask him to please ask the worker to stop sexually harassing me with his eyes.

I’ll just skip the chain-of-command, and kick him directly in the balls. Hypothetically with humiliation.

And Mrs Boomer hates scheduling for classes – people miss those – so I’m gonna start – not even cancel.

After spending thousands of dollars at the medicinal shop, the clerk decided to count her tip money before I approached, I thought, look at this righteous cunt, how dare thee.

I’ve swore off my weed spending. The detoxification starts soon – cold turkey – as that was my last bill or tip ever.

I may look cheap but FUCK YOU

Posted on February 5, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Lunar Light (poetry)

This place is set to sink

The message on the soap bar reads
E
S
C
A
P
E
The ghost in the mirror says the same

Snuff out the circus
From steering wheel
One hand will surface
No face but purpose

Maybe John didn’t pray hard enough
He didn’t crawl hard enough
He didn’t bawl long enough
Maybe John had given up…

I’m taking out the trash –
The neighbors “entertainment” blaring from the car window is worse than what’s in the bag

Children are heroin to a pedophile
You shouldn’t leave ANY MAN alone with a child (public counts)
They do it in a crowd

Avoid the stock market
Unless you want –
Your savings to plummet

The way that monster extended his hand for me to walk
The trust it took to cross

He stands in the doorway
Dressed as darkness
As death
Thick as a highway

He rides
Like chance is his market
In a blacked out Chevy
Crying my name

I read through the fine print
You must’ve gaslit
Or put an asterisk*

Chill out babe
People need to eat

They should be chasing me
Like a current
But the crickets are chirping
And nobody knows it

Green yellow red
Tartan
His favorite, he said

Final curtain call
Last watch before the fall

He treated her with little worth
Even when she showed him mirth
On a broken earth

Going out on top, in the middle, or none
It’s all the same sum

He said he needed her
She prepared for the apocalypse
The lies eclipsed between his lips
Lunar light from fingertips

You wanted –
You were denied
Like spear in side
Not dignified –
Hope you like the ride

Today I asked myself, “are you okay?”
But the reply was, “I’m not sure…”

(Tell God I’m lost)

Kidnapping season has arrived
Better hide so I don’t die

I fell so far down the rabbit hole
I nearly lost my soul

The Devil greeted
Said I looked mistreated
Gave money then pleaded
“I’m welcome when needed”

(True stories from the pawn)

🙂

We wipe every trace
Of any mistake

They tremble when I enter room
Eyes spell doom
Searching soon
But for who?

“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”

MY LABS ARE FINE

You lie, I lie. Eye for an eye.

Professionally paranoid
Not me, another boy
At least one is getting paid for

“Life jackets worn
Nobody mourns”
But my vein pours
I’m the Queen of Thorns

Some of these poems deserve their own little graveyard.

Queen of Thorns – Merrie Magdalene – maybe God wants me with no man

I missed his cues. Trembling in my blues. Set a trap or two.

Does he know how hard it was
The darkness
He wanted to turn me into haunted

Thanks for cutting the cord on us
You were really dangerous

He’s unstable
Like a megabomb unlabeled
He cut the cable
He’s so ungrateful
But gave me the label!

He pulled the plug
Couldn’t handle my love
Thinks he’s so smug
But I laid the bug
Lesson comes from above!

Sucker!

GENX – the absolute favorite

“FAIRLY YOUNG – not 400 pounds” (could he be anymore of a pedo tho) (asking for a friend)

(Sorry – autism is real – my thoughts have sound)

His hand is cruel
But the trap I laid was too

There was never any other
The devotion was always him
Every single hour
I had given in

Money in the wallet
Money in the bank
Money sweet like chocolate
Money in the safe

The self-sabotage trap was set
It shone like gold
To a thief – made his tongue wet
He lost his foothold
Have I won the bet?
Did his black heart fold?

THE DEVIL STUDIES ME

What deed does this warrant?
Keep my soul stored in storage

I NEED A FOREST

His hand is too stern
For an Angel
He should’ve waited his turn
He’s cutting lines in hell

“Not competing”
Even when I’m dreaming
Though I don’t know his face
Or where I’m leaning

You terrible fool.

She complained but then
He had her condemned
Didn’t like her dreaming
Couldn’t call her friend

This page no longer exists
You’re careless!

You’re not a king –
Your word doesn’t mean a thing!

Disgusting john
Gone first dawn
Dream was wrong
He’s a moron

Dreams and fantasy do not occur at the same interval

Dreams in mirror are closer than they appear

How to get rid of a ghost during a self-sabotage attack:

[ ] Step 1 – tell him/her you dreamed of another

No child left behind
Except –
I’m in decline
Falling further in line

You need me so bad huh
Prostitutes are the only one to see your face (get dinner too)

“God isn’t here”, he implored!
But did I not give him everything he was asking for?
Endless love –
But still I gave him more.

No one can join, no one can leave
Thank you for releasing me
To the wildebeests
To the north and east
Do you love me least?

Despite all them hours given –
I didn’t earn enough to maintain my blog or equipment
Unlike the prostitutes you are paying – a decent living…

TO ALL – the shoe fits

“I’m not gonna make it”, she cried
“I know”, he yelled, as he cut the line…

(People never mention that he loved her from the moment she walked in the room and said “no you’re not” or that he killed that one guy closer in order to save her, or how the dad said he should be making babies and he next found her on a wild excursion – love is the anomaly sure sure)

Will she even be alive when he gets there, or will she too be crushed by a landslide – like how he cut the cord on her – to fall into a black hole – Murphy’s Law – gotta leave something behind

God gave him everything
Including an an angel with imperfections
The way other poets had written
She made him smitten
Left her in a ditch then
Rode away with his riches
Wondering if love’s where he’s wishing
The endless bitches…

Who gave him the right to punish her with such effect that her wings were stripped and her gift neglect?

He cut me loose
Didn’t know what he would lose

She was an angel in hell
Half-virgin
Overworked and overburdened
Though lesson not emerging
His hand reflecting serpent
Now heaven can’t be summoned

She fell down in a pit of despair
Called a timeout –
He responded, ‘fuck off farewell’

You foolish fool
Pride got best of you

He cut his only lifeline to heaven
Didn’t to count to seven

Three times I would be denied
Stayed by his bedside
Over mortified
Underpaid but hoping he was satisfied
Now contemplating suicide

He pulled the plug
While I was alive and breathing
Telling world what all was needing
To keep on being

Did you forget your heart or something?
Lying on the floor?
All I hear is banging –
Coming from my door.

You’re not anyone to build a foundation with –
Because you have money
I have a little bit

The fat sun hung its head lowly

The answer is still no
Keep knocking though

He doesn’t know if he made the right decision – and he’s right – he really didn’t.

The way hopelessness trickled like a wave
I watched him climb into our grave
Facing death I’m brave
All I can do is turn away

You don’t know what you’ve done
Immaculate fool
Trap set for one
And in you flew

He needed me daily
So I pulled away greatly
Especially what I learned lately
How they pay prostitutes for “dating”

The way you left
In uncertainty
Waving like a theft
But claiming clarity

The world ain’t paradise
He misreads my lines
We’re wrapped in knives
Covered twice in lies

Shared finances?
Forget about it –
More like failed romances,
Where I commit.

Hard cock but weak heart

He left me with nothing
Took the rainbow and the rope
I’m barely coping

Took the boat
See him atop the waves floating
Going directions I ain’t going

Some days you gotta stay down

He had a speedboat
She had a canoe
He cut the cord
Near the waterfall, too

The Devil –
I didn’t know he was so easily triggered –
Who would have figured?

Excuse me,
I’m in the middle of self-sabotage,
Why are you requesting access?

What now honey?
You broke the truce

He fell into my trap
And that’s a wrap

Ask him why I left (he’s bereft)

Fuck! Why is he knocking?
Hasn’t he just left?
He hasn’t been far walking!
And now he’s got requests!

I shared special parts of me
I never shared with anyone
He took advantage of my generosity
Now he’s on the run

Our city is a barren waste
With heart like desolate rock
In a howling state
Give me the glock

I thought I could never live without “man’s best friend”
Until he turned demented
Hailed from a demon
A head that’s fed

I loved you
Any way possible
There wasn’t any doubt
A wide open ocean
There wasn’t any drought

Posted on February 4, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Things that keep me up…

“I’m dying”

“The immigrants stole my job”

“I’m not marriage material”

Which statement would a doctor more likely respond to!?!

If you selected the first or second one, you’d be wrong…

Posted on February 4, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Value (poetry)

My doctor thinks I have value
Maybe one or two?
How about you?

Postscript

Isn’t is my doctors job to keep me around – like I know an IV is plugged into my arm and I’m sitting on an MRI table with little to zero worth – full of self-loathing, scolding my doctor for making him late for his next patient, because “I’m not marriage material” – and he ain’t even a head doctor (therapist)

“How was your Friday night” – see above. Poem included.

Posted on February 3, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

New carpet approved + (journal log)

So the front office approved my new carpet request for renewal – but the replacement is closer to April – my renewal time.

I also have to vacate for a few days – I requested new paint too – but the carpet was the big ticket item I was fighting for – and won. Don’t have to pay anything to have it replaced, so if they don’t paint, I can do that myself. I forgot to ask about the walls, the carpet was the main thing.

I literally would not renew without fresh carpet.

I’m going on six years here.

And, a bunch of units will be vacant soon – and redone – they are letting go of residents apparently. In my building.

New neighbors, new carpet, maybe another lease renewal. I mean, my carpet was approved.

New paint on the walls.

New lighting.

Clean space.

Sanitized.

Do I want out of this God forsaken city? Yes.

Do I want to be homeless? No.

Moving is extremely challenging currently – in an inflated economy – when literally no one returns your calls or emails.

Meanwhile, the place I live has a SIX MONTH waiting list.

And – I’m under a homeowner buy program, I’d be giving up several years progress of that.

I have a COE through my military service – an incentive I earned.

Checking out financing books at the library, gonna take advantage of the tools offered to vets for “financial counseling”, basically starting over.

Right now it’s planning and prep for starting over.

And, there’s big pieces of furniture to be junked – but the junk removal wanted to charge me $300 to remove maybe half a truck load – of not actual junk.

I’ll ask around the neighborhood if anyone wants a recliner leather couch (they will) or a glass table (likely so – that bitch weighs over 500 pounds)

I WANT NEW CARPET – I fought for it – the manager said it’s coming in like a month and a half – plus fairly certain she got me the fresh paint request too!

I’m basically getting new grounds without leaving my grounds – but temporarily vacating for a few says – while maintenance does repairs!

So I’m working on getting everything cleared out!!!!!

I also found out today that I am marriage material – while fighting with my doc

I just got back from an MRI

My doctor complained he’s got to stay over with his other patient because I squirmed and we had to reimage around 15 minutes worth – setting him behind

I said “oh boo”

“I’m dying. The immigrants stole my job, and I’m not even marriage material. So I got more things to complain about”

My doc undoing my IV

“Why do you think you’re not marriage material” (he doesn’t let me answer)

“Well if you think it’s self-image, you’re wrong”

This was the end session

But during the screening he mentioned I was “fairly young” and then “young still” a couple more times

Also when I had to put on scrubs, they barely fit I’m so petite, I complained

He mentioned it was good, lots of “400 pound vets”

So I got a few things going for me still apparently (I’m doing an AAR – leave me alone)

1. I’m fairly young still

2. I’m petite

3. I am marriage material

That’s in scrubs that don’t fit, no makeup, oily hair (it’s being treated so it’s actually clean – I’m deep cleaning my entire existence lol)

Yesterday my physical therapist doctor couldn’t keep his hands off (his job – stop hating just cuz it felt good)

“Bro, why did you execute your wife”

“I didn’t like how the doctor was doing his job”

I must be a nice of fresh air from all the sickly dying vets

My sick and dying is still marriage material

I don’t know how someone pending surgery is marriage material but tis is…

He said “fairly young” but I reminded him I’m still ovulating and trying to “protect the goods” despite “getting on up there”

He was so trying to not look through his peripheral vision as I was leaving bless

I yelled at my doctor for making him late and not being marriage material – but he disagreed

I found out today that I’m getting new carpet and marriage material

I want some new tattoos

Warrior’s get knocked down – and ye I’m pending dying one day – but I ain’t in a wheelchair yet

I overheard one doc telling his patient “but you gotta stop drinking” (he won’t) but mine was high-fiving me and today another doc said I am marriage material

That’s what THE HAND implied

I long for a husband lol

Not one “running late to see his prostitutes”

HONEY WORK CALLS

And they all busy with the kids..

No, get yer ass home!

That fucking hand

And the dream wasn’t even sexual you psychopath

You were just waiting for me to fuck up – *rolls eyes*

I am trying to fix my self-image – apparently it’s destroyed – I need new carpet and a tattoo.

I’m probably juicing instead of surgery but holistic things cost a lot in an inflated market

I didn’t think I had any worth – but I got my 20 minutes in of rebounding today.

Small white girls are incredibly exotic

And desired

I’m not even wearing earrings anymore

I have freckles and bags and worry lines

My peach must be made of platinum – atomic number 78 – and the year I was born

I want a new blog

But then, there’s contending with the “rules for thee, not for me” agenda everywhere I go

You read through the fine print?

We can change whatever we want – whenever we want – we don’t have to notify you

I can’t even delete my PS Sony account – like wtf

I thought I was swearing off men forever – not all women are gold-diggers, or cheaters.

And I’d like to help some of those 400 pound vets not die

From their inflictions and addictions

Rebounding is saving my life

I was always in a leadership role

I need to find purpose with my life again

I just want updated things! I was completely left behind in society!!!!! I’m allowed to complain!!! Stop silencing me! The complaint wasn’t about you or us!

I think you threw away whatever you threw away despite me trying to get you to move to my free account (now deleted)

“I don’t understand metaphor”

Whatever helps you sleep at night

For me, new carpet would help. I’d sleep on it. Instead of this terrible bed!

It’s going in the trash bin!

Like everything in my life!!!!!!

Selling the ps4 and games at the pawn soon!!!!

Gonna cost nearly $200 for a 3 year commitment to a new blog, but generally $150 annually.

Even tho – most of the big cats have taken all the traffic.

We’re paying to chase our tails

I just wanna write!

It’s ridiculous I gotta pay extra to hide my identity from the web!

“Privacy protection”

SCREAMS

And I went to Aldi for the first time – with a brain injury – unprepared

I want my own fucking yard

I don’t know how I’m asking for much

The library hooked me up with some seeds

I have 8 or 9 new seeds to grow things in my windowsill or whatnot

Books checked out from the library

Apparently men are still interested in women my age – despite looking like Edgar Allan Poe did 5 minutes before he died.

It’s very important to me to keep writing – God knows why (I wish he’d let me know)

I can’t just buy a domain anymore and hook it to a blog – you gotta get a plan – blah blah blah

But I already have a new identity

Bet I made the doc late for his dinner with his prostitute – or maybe he reserves Friday nights for “the wife”

I like that we both yelled at each other but didn’t get mad

He still thought I was marriage material after scolding him for making him late for his next patient

I’m so much drama in such a small frame

Need a hubby…

But he’ll divorce me because I told the doctor “yes that feels good”

I bought cabbage and stuff to make soup

They threw enough “energy” at me to “heat things up” and energy is radiation I think – had enough so getting offline now

Gonna be easier to let more things go tomorrow – knowing the new carpet is coming soon – getting my little apartment redone – might can survive the rest of the apocalypse

Keep praying for me…

Trying to get back on my feet

Not a wheelchair – and I’m happy for those who get the new top of the line ones!!!!

Not all disabilities are visible!!

The only way I’d sign another year lease here – was to get the carpet replaced

It took nearly 3 weeks to get approval on that!

Got it today!!!!!!

Posted on February 2, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Physical therapy (journaling)

Physical therapy has been scheduled for once weekly

So many vets coughing and being issued “Cadillac” wheelchairs – top of the line deathbeds – meanwhile – my new doctor is high-fiving me every step of the way – got knocked down – don’t intend to stay down.

Also – he was impressed with my rebounding results – and we’re focusing on core strength and conditioning – as well as stretching exercises.

There’s a program I was emailed – already downloaded the app *sigh* but my doc can keep up with my progress. You earn achievements.

It’s better than a coffin in the ground.

Those Cadillac wheelchairs swivel, the seats. But it’s not enough incentive for me to die.

Walking cane is a weapon, I told the front desk jokingly. He concurred.

Cute psychotic homicidal bitch.

Love two boys exactly the same.

They both ghosted me.

Too much woman all petite

Can’t handle me

I’m still recovering from not dying

18 months in…

Doc was impressed with my quads

Tough little bitch

Told him “ten minutes a day” and I’m up to twenty – but ten is all you need

He said he had 4 girls

Bet he’s gonna get his wife rebounding and the fam 🙂

He got on his computer, “this is what you use”

“Yep, one of them. Mine’s a Gold Gym – does the trick – but they got some costing a grand”

The fact that he looked up a rebounder tho 🙂

Cuz the peach is looking rump – it works the core – no need for high jumps or tricks – it’s resistance training – and my heart is responding really well – there’s zero impact to your joints – doesn’t upset my bones – and my physical therapist doctor did not instruct me to stop – and I appreciate he checked to understand the equipment I was using to get well.

But the peach 🙂

Also, despite the protein increase intake, I am 111 pounds.

When laying on my stomach, my peach is peachy – round rump

Gotta keep going

He said, “you go 20 without stopping”

And I said “yep”

But explained how I had to work up to those minutes.

2 minutes to start, then 5.

10 a day is all you need – I’m mostly 20. But do take an occasional rest day – and not fret.

I mark my calendar now, with the minutes jumped

Every step counts

My fucking heart hurts and it’s hard to breathe

But he taught me new stretches that actually help.

Got a good team now. Trying to be present.

The clerk made me a coffee before I left. From their personal stash. He poured a shit ton of cream in. He had the good stuff. LOL

Anyhoo

Would be hardluck dating currently

“No sorry, busy that day”

And to find out it’s because I’m actually metamorphosing or something

Or that I have a crush with my doctor

But then – I have a crush on too many men – and it seems to get me in trouble

(I don’t actually have a crush on him but he was cute despite his mask on)

I’m professional. Chill.

Yesterday. All I saw was a white hand signaling me to cross – his SUV completely darkened – broad day – all I saw was a hand – it was just HOW he extended his hand for me to cross – the way it went down flat – in slow mo – as not to rush me – tho it takes trust obviously for these psychopaths not to run me over.

He liked my leggings presumably.

Even had a lady compliment me about them at the library

I was in such a depressed monotone state too – my attempt at being social felt awkward – like why did I have to speak other than “thank you”

“I got them at the mall” – as if only poor people dress like me (I’m self-loathing but looking hella cute)

But she wanted to know which store

“One of them seasonal shops in the middle, today is the last day”

Anyhoo – the way for him to signal for me to cross – like I had worth

Despite the cheap sandals

It requires effort and work to look like a professional fuck up

You don’t get a peach like this just being skinny

The quads are getting thick

The doc pointed out the strength

“The rebounding”, I exclaimed!

Been hard at it this year daily effort – and to be 20 minutes a day – still feeling the burn – but not needing to break for water…

You don’t need to spend loads of money getting equipment

I asked should I wear a belt or not

He advised against it, saying it makes the muscles “not need to work”

But he might be ordering me a ball (can’t remember the correct term) and some other thangs – just stated he didn’t want to overload me

Road to recovery continues

Need my mental health to catch up to my peach – heart still needs mending

Embarrassing, at my young age, got cardiopulmonary visits to attend

Told him, “those fucking vaccines”

“Crawled into the second one the way John Jones kept crawling into that hole”

So – he needed to know the condition of my heart before we proceeded with whatever we we’re going to do

He really improved my breathing with those stretches – love the detailed plan that was sent over – got some good doctors still

He didn’t have to order me a wheelchair, I got several high-fives, there may be hope for me yet 🙂

“After you” is all the hand implied

These fuckers are one pedal away from crazy, and I even crazier with the trust it takes to cross the street – or a running vehicle signaling me to go

But he was going so fast you know, I was willing to wait

“The hand” insisted with its one sweep

Couldn’t even see a face – so hidden

No point in looking back – windows blacked out

He was in a hurry to get where he needed to go – until I had to cross

Probably liked the leggings…

I’m basic and boring but like not

Top of the tier white trash

They forget they have yellow fever when they see me

I told my therapist that I did in fact have a plan b, but I wasn’t sure if it fell under planning, told her I have a mantra and motto now, “suicide is humane” but that I got my library card instead of a gun – and I graduated to another group class – this one 8 weeks long.

I’m like, “can we at least wait until I find out if I’m homeless or not” and so that was pushed back to April thankfully (the classes)

I sat there holding that extra calendar this morning, until God said “someone will need it” and I felt so awkward taking one solo calendar in – to place where other free shit normally is – only nothing was there – and I only had the one calendar to give – and a month has already passed, plus we’re day 2 February, but God said…

And not even 7:30 am some distressed vet at the front desk asking if they happened to have any calendars left – and they did not

And I told him loudly, “well God told me someone would be needing one, and I sat one down at the entrance if it is still there” – he hurried off

I thought, “he’ll return if he got it and let me know”

He fucking got it and was still reading it AFTER I went in and exited my appointment

Bless

Someone in fact did need a calendar

Two days into February…

God gives me assignments that make me feel awkward but I do them anyway…

People notice when I’m in a room

Or outside…

Am I too proud?

I certainly don’t look it with my head down

Even when my hair is untamed and a rope hanging round my neck – I swear – they see something I don’t

HIS HAND

My God – I’ll be dreaming of it and my future boyfriend will ghost me because of it

“Bro, she was perfect, why did you let her go”

She cheated on me, in a dream

Posted on February 2, 2023February 4, 2023 by poeeternal

Too Heavy (poetry)

Forgive me
Of these sins I carry
Wandering
Lost in hell

Check my itinerary
Turning left with Mary
Uphill cemetery
No cross too heavy

Postscript

Decade at this and Poe died on the street.

Looking back – leaving the Devil in the dust – picking up my run.

Put away my gun.

Eyes focused. Sun.

I’ve been unable to delete my Playstation account – via phone or web. Infinite loop.

Called the New York times today and bit a hole in their asshole. Data deletion kind of pending. Gotta jump through hoops.

I’m aside myself.

At Starbucks, in public, I saw a Mexican grooming a young white female.

The way she clung to her drink – her straw – not making eye contact with him.

The things I overheard.

The way he puckered his lip.

How I just stood there – like a fawn -idling in my car – until she looked at me – saw my distress – and I pulled off left her there, in her pigtails and little dress – ordered my coffee appallingly – swore off society again – spent all day having issues controlling my breathing or my heart – like a unending panic attack – I threw away everything in my closet – swearing off anything sexy – and men likely forever – drowning in sorrow like a little bitch – remembering scenes at MacDonalds as a young girl I’d rather not recall

Knowing calling the cops with suspicion and hearsay is futile – knowing the propaganda they serve

I’ve gone insane

But then today

Sitting in my car

Pondering to keep an extra calendar I acquired or not – deciding that someone in fact may still need one – it being February 2nd and all – someone may have decided they need a calendar after all.

Not even 20 minutes later – awaiting my appointment – someone at the counter – “you don’t have anymore calendars do you?”

They did not…

I spoke up – “oddly enough God told me someone might need one, and I dropped one off at the front where the coffee normally is”

He promptly went and scored his new calendar, came back with it proudly.

He was still looking over it as I was leaving my appointment, like a half hour later.

Bless.

He probably won’t ever throw that calendar away.

Meanwhile, I’ve got monsters ~~breaking me~~ freeing me from a curse

I don’t have time to finish this conversation because I have a physical therapy appointment to attend.

I’m doing things.

Got my 20 minute rebound session in.

The peach is looking rather rump.

Round rump.

The abs are solid hard core

To be homeless or not be homeless

That is the question?

Answers are coming

P.S.S.

I can’t help the people I love.

I can’t stop giving.

I know things before they happen.

Little things.

Like someone needing a calendar.

WTF is that!?!

What have they done to me?

What powers do I possess?

Posted on January 22, 2023January 23, 2023 by poeeternal · 4 Comments

Marsh (poetry) I LOVE YOU

He’s the first one
At my den
Sitting front face
Right where he’s been

And when he’s out there
In the harsh marsh marching
Blood for his pen

I know his foot steps
Right where I’m sinking
Count on him

Like one through ten
The alphabet but then

He smells of gin
Spice or cinnamon
He’s like a ghost in quicksand
Cynical and disciplined

He’s the whole world listening
When I speak
He’s the sun peeking in!

Even when light’s missing
He’s thinking when
“Will I see you again”

As if the earth just doesn’t spin…

I got carried away with this rhyme

And maybe he’s my imaginary friend

But there’s only so many letters in the alphabet for him to appear

I speak in morse code – maybe he can hear

Is my rambling clear?

It’s freestyle dear… 🙂

Posted on January 22, 2023 by poeeternal · 2 Comments

Too Calm (journal log)

I’m told I’ll be getting a renewal invite to remain at the heart of darkness.

It’s been nearly one year since that couple was gutted in the street – by a black immigrant – simply because they were “white” – and now they’re dead – and he gets 3 meals a day, a free roof over his head, dental, and an HOUR of sunshine for his MENTAL HEALTH – on us (the tax slave payers dollars = time/energy)

The political thugs in gold chains now want your signature – soliciting anywhere they legally can: the library, the mall, the medicinal shops.

Overjoyed.

I don’t know where I’m going – but I don’t have to prove anything to “remain here” as I’ve been stuck in purgatory so long now – I don’t have to provide any evidence of my existence.

Just keep paying the rent….

Do as say

But I yelled at the boomer Publix employee, “no bitch, you lost a fucking customer FOREVERRrrr”

Apparently we became a cashless society and she felt the need to rub it in, three times, scolding me in front of everyone around, my cash in hand, unable to pay.

“It says it right there” (honestly, you only need to point out my failure ONCE)

I’ve boycotted Publix forever

There’s poison and sugar and “natural flavor” in everything now anyway

“How did she die”

“Starved to death…”

“White people work out one time and be skinny” (latest neighborhood report on me)

The upside: they think I’ve only worked out once. Skinny. Weak bitch.

Let that be my fucking gain

In fact, at Burger King yesterday, the Mexican manager came out with two of her BLM pimps, when I told her to “step outside”

He was very upset when he heard me say, “oh you had to bring your pimps with you huh”

Very upset he got

Truth in fact hurts

I drove off too calm

The adrenal glands were not working

Even pulling off

“I’m too calm”

“Had to bring your pimps huh” I continue to yell, as traffic at the window was at a stop

They gonna run off all their white costumers with their terrible service

I ordered the “impossible king” and apparently that’s too complicated for certain species to get right

Though I repeated my order THREE times

Fuck it

I like starving anyway

I got my library card tho

And holyshit, that’s where I’ll be at the end of the world

Check the libraries

Leave clues a 5 year old could solve (anything harder and I’ll read the data wrong and wind up stuck in a fucking hole – as is now – with a heart condition – thanks to “television” and government – whom I no longer listen to in any capacity)

At least the library is ad free

I can read in silence

Love the smell of the old books

All them lies

There are perks to not being homeless (yet)

Aside from the thugs trying to solicit my signature in the parking lot – everywhere I go

In their gold chains…

I wanna puke

Stop talking to me

From now on

When someone interrupts whatever I’m doing solo

“Did I give you permission to talk to me”

And the ghosting will begin

And please cross my shadow

I know you’re trying so hard to break me out here

Of being a good Soldier, a good soul

But I swore my hand before the flag and God – and on my heart – and signed the dotted line – took my blood and all – to protect and defend the USA and its citizens – not DEMONS

And right now you stepping all up in the “fine print”

I dated for a lifetime and have nothing to show for it

STOP LOOKING AT ME

I’m ready to spit on these thug politicians in the street

FUCK OFF BRO

You can’t have my signature, my name, or my soul

Go back to your porn and prostitutes

I was trying to enjoy the jazz event – and men breaking their eyeballs to get a look

STOP LOOKING

I had to hold back the tears

Pretend the music was getting to me

Next week I hang with a cop who teaches about a Daytona Beach serial killer

Exciting! They want us living in fear!

Do I want to say yes to the “true encounters Daytona Beach serial killer” event. Yes I do.

I’m not even a jazz fan – but I went – and enjoyed (still cry anywhere)

The audiobook helped me not stalk anyone

But apparently I’m not allowed to order food anymore anywhere

Unless a yuppie place

I found something that sparked joy in me

It matches my values – it offers self-improvement and the entertainment is how it should be – without disruptions or ads

Easy scrolling interface

Eventually I’ll make my way to the science museum

The skate park and rinks

I checked out an express book

I’m 8 chapters in

I’m becoming present – and creating boundaries and discipline

My mind needs exercise – the books provide

The 2 week express lane gives me a challenge

You can’t renew those

I got my library card and it’s bringing me happies – can’t describe

So much to do too – free classes, movies at the auditorium, events…

I was also the youngest person at the jazz event

If you’re thinking about killing yourself – maybe get a library card instead

And be present

Read what you check out

Set time aside to read

Luckily – my first book was large print – that’s made reading a pleasure – no headaches or squinting – though the writer is a pedo – he’s brilliant – it’s no wonder I grabbed his book – of all books on the “new” shelf (express check out and no renewal)

I like all the digital perks that come with my card – as well as the real world perks – and I’m tapping into all

NOT READY TO DIE

But these monsters are ready for me to shed my light

I’m too calm…

Posted on January 22, 2023 by poeeternal

Economics of the Underground Commercial Sex Economy

A new Urban Institute study sheds light on America’s underground commercial sex economy
— Read on apps.urban.org/features/theHustle/mobile/index.html

Old data. Since then the pimps have overtaken the White House and now sex toys are sold in front of children!

Posted on January 21, 2023 by poeeternal

Do We Want Mexifornia? | Flood of Illegal Immigration into California

Thousands arrive illegally from Mexico into California each year—and the state is now home to fully 40 percent of America’s immigrants, legal and illegal.
— Read on www.city-journal.org/html/do-we-want-mexifornia-12236.html

And now they can vote! Anyone can vote! Sex toys are sold in front of children!!!!!!

America is gone!!!! Too many hands in the cookie jar!!!!!

Posted on January 21, 2023January 22, 2023 by poeeternal · 1 Comment

Wage war on the cartels killing Americans

Wage war on the cartels killing Americans
— Read on www.cotton.senate.gov/news/op-eds/wage-war-on-the-cartels-killing-americans

Posted on January 20, 2023 by poeeternal

In-between (poetry)

I’m thick but thin
A contradiction
I’m wrought with sin
Mary Magdalene

The in-between is the longest
Gotta keep it honest –
John faced doubt like Thomas
Crawling like a novice

Hurry hurry rush / complacency

Removing compression
Lifetime depression
I love in discretion
I’m stuck in level seven
Suicidal without question

The devil has congregated where I sit!
The conversation’s better than this!

“Who dies many times before their death?”
The snake said under his breath –
“I like you best”

You will experience three deaths:
First the day you die
Second buried under sky
The last time your name’s replied

The sun is radio signals
The rain on my windows
My smile and my dimples
The end and middle
My skin and wrinkles

And Saturn is a satellite
I hope I hear from him tonight
Swinging in with moonlight
Watch for him by daylight
Got a big appetite

I am downward spiral
Hand won’t swear on Bible
I am God’s disciple
I am homicidal
Calmly in denial

“Well tell me you have hope”
It includes a smile and a rope!
Busy climbing but that’s not a nope!
Dying is a slippery slope

He looked on like I wasn’t average
What caused his absence?
Needed a moment to balance?
Slipped into madness?
Could he see my sadness?

I lay awake and alone in a dark and sprawling and empty house
Without a spouse
I don’t even have a mouse
Just a “dirty mouth”

“Miracle cures” –
Snake oil ain’t pure!
Satanic for sure!
Hell’s got constant tours!

The Great Filter is narcissism is a plague spread by Biblical propaganda, prostitution, and porn. These nihilists make you wish THEY were never born.

I don’t own anything but sorrow. Tell God I’ll see him tomorrow?

Posted on January 20, 2023January 20, 2023 by poeeternal

US sees recent rise in maternal deaths, CDC report shows

US sees recent rise in maternal deaths, CDC report shows – CNN
— Read on amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/02/23/health/maternal-deaths-increase-us-report/index.html

Keep tap dancing over the fact that the death jab is the enemy! White Lab coats! Nurses in comfy shoes!

We got all these pedos running around and no mamas or babies. Just an FYI

Most young women have clotty periods now. Listed as “heavy flow”.

Been sterilized yah know

An entire race

Enjoy yer porn

Posted on January 20, 2023 by poeeternal

44 Shocking Animal Shelter Statistics (2022 UPDATE) | Petpedia

Unfortunately, most animal shelter statistics paint a sad story. Though the progress in the years is evident, there’s plenty that can be done in 2022.
— Read on petpedia.co/animal-shelter-statistics/

Hail Hitler! He’s alive!

I’m old and sick! Euthanize me!!!!!

It’s not 60k annually anymore. The numbers are much much worse.

“Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct”

And children are being conditioned as children to support prostitution and porn. That’s why the divorce rate is 100%!

Posted on January 19, 2023 by poeeternal

Ex-Porn Star Tells the Truth About the Porn Industry

Shelley Lubben, an ex-porn star, discusses the destructive, drug infested, abusive, and sexually diseased world of porn the porn industry.
— Read on www.covenanteyes.com/2008/10/28/ex-porn-star-tells-the-truth-about-the-porn-industry/

They’re all spreading diseases. Even the silent ones. The enemy knows how to destroy a nation.