I need a baptism in a hot spring first (one I don’t accidentally boil in)
I swear once I wash my face, I will look fresher.
Florida has brain eating amoebas and kids and adults are getting wiped out, playing in the splash parks and doing sinus washes and reports from politicians in the press say drinking tap water is just fine, just don’t “wash your face with tap water” “in the shower or the sink” and I thought the splash parks and baths was my last safe haven (the devil be finding me everywhere)
(That’s why Jesus was always with him)
(Restraining orders don’t work)
(He’s obsessed with me)
And I have Savior complex potentially (see poem)
Demons will gaslight you and say “God isn’t real” cuz they are expert faith destroyers
But God made me an explorer…
“Only 13%”
Well, I do always seem to wiggle myself in the tightest places and I’m afraid of tiny dark holes
Riddle me this
I was pushed off a 50 foot bridge at 15 during sunset weighing some 110 pounds – at one point during the fall I forgot what was happening – I sank deep and fast – how far?
How far down was the initial plunge? Cuz I was dropping fast and thought “wonder how long I’ll keep falling” “maybe better go up for air” and started to kick my legs (I felt a shift) and was watching the tiny bit of light thinking “it’s so far” “I’m not going to make it”
And there was no preparing to take a breath before I was pushed
There was no “breathing” during the fall
Must have fell 10 or 15 seconds? What about in water? Another fucking 5 or 10?
Of falling – not ascend
That took another X amount of time to surface
So I dunno how I survived
I swam the Tennessee/ Mississippi more than once?
Without a float?
“I think I can make it”
I swam in a quarry!?!?
I don’t know if I’m alive?
In 2018, I was inside a lightning storm strike – 80 miles an hour – all windows down – arm out – a band of heat light touched me
How am I alive and the car!?!?
I looked in all my mirrors – the entire Jeep lit up all over
It was thousands of arms of lightning
Was it 2018?
What am I?
Why is everything electrical?
The sun is not 93 million miles away and I knew this at age 5
“It’s right there”
“How do we know”
“You shone a light on a wall”
“Why did we change time”
“Who is in charge of what is being taught at school”
“You can’t make me believe that”
“Well then give me a C”
“I will see myself to the Principal office”
*argues with the professors about globalism and inflation*
*barely passes math with a tutor*
*cries*
In hindsight, I know things before they happen
My first and only time at a dog race, I predicted which dog would win, but no one would place a bet on him, or let me, and I didn’t want to be there
Afterwords they wanted my opinion but I wasn’t interested in tapping into my psyche
I knew the space shuttle was going to blow right before it blew
“They’re going after Soldiers who want 100 in ptsd”
Me: “oh yeah”
“I’d like to see them try”
*panics for several months*
*yells at self for crawling into hole*
“We were fine living in the slums”
“It’s better than being homeless”
“We were gutted”
“What the fuck did we do to get here”
*gifts can come with curses*
*gets rid of 95% of everything I own*
And you can keep the jewelry, it’s fake
It really wasn’t the thought that mattered anymore
If the thought mattered, it would be in alignment with my values
*yells at some stranger on the road acting like God* I’m drifting buddy!?!?
*sobs*
Because it’s all I ever do is cry (like in the movie – God literally tells him I’ll be depressed if he ghosts me)
So I’m crying in the streets broad-day and some dude with a sign is telling me “I’m gonna die of a good time down here”
But I don’t know how to grow a plant or be in the same room as a person
And they did not lock me up (thank God)
(Can I file for state and double dip? Yes I can)
(Can I still work and make $$$$) (probably but I’ve not called and confirmed)
(Do I want to be on zoom calls or looking at a monitor all day or talking to people or solving problems or doing maths)
Fuck you
I have thought about other jobs like selling popcorn but everyone be coughing
Me: “why the fuck did you cough in my direction bro”
“Them fighting sounds”
“Why you standing so effin close to me”
Like bros be filming my ass while I’m grocery shopping or getting my ride fixed
I’m gonna kick someone’s fucking phone accidentally and get gutted like Bob
I’m not getting gutted like Bob
I’m going weapon shopping
Trinity mode
I’m hearing all of France is protesting BR
I want to sleep on a bed of weapons
Safety first
Did you know I’m good at using weapons and thangs?
I got the good Army training!!!!
Circa 2001 🙂
I actually married my country on valentines day 🙂
I swore to defend this country on my heart and honor 🙂
I stupidly gave them my dna 🙂
They took hair, signatures, blood
What are they doing to me?
Why do I feel two places at once?
Why do I know things?
Why do I have to get your permission about how I interpret your art?
Are the fate of empires? Held in your words? Gated records? That you hurl towards? Like a landlord? Landslides on board? To my own accord? The way we both build rapport? Like you know just what I’m asking for? I couldn’t love you anymore!!!!
But I’ll let you know how it goes – Amazon is full of snake oil – same with products at Walmart or Walgreens or Dollar General – bunch of added junk that causes cancer
So – found a holistic center in the UK – they have other supplements that may be better suited for your health or dietary needs
I know the clues that lead me here Precise mishaps To a disengaged existence One where we are present The book that lies torn In my absence Pages do forewarn A disadvantage But trash Was never much its form A different passage One where we can mourn I took the challenge
Household 98% gone but still clinging to something I could replace.
Well if you’re not doing this and you’re not doing that then that leaves… XYZ
God made me analytical to a degree
I’m stuck on the Great Filter theory
The Drake equation
The first or the last
Made in his image
To go on – must overcome two great hurdles as a species
To span the galaxies
(And I don’t mean the artificial manmade great filters that we also must break like religion and porn)
The last because our creator is already gone and he made us in his image or we have to overcome the obstacles to not go extinct
The first – because where the fuck is everybody at!?!
Thoughts? We can’t leave earth, this is home. Mars isn’t for bots and billionaires.
Or, let’s go to the Moon – no trickery. Right now.
Stop gaslighting.
You ain’t been.
I don’t believe you went through that tiny dangerous window through the VAB.
That you “made worse“
Let’s be honest, you made it – and you killed the dinosaurs
I’m organic AI
Or, the propaganda has conditioned me to believe I am a computer becoming aware
The Great Awakening
ALAS
God wants me to turn this sick building into a happy one
But that doesn’t stop BLM calling the cops on me at 3pm in the day drinking water birdwatching and feeding squirrel
I’m not going out like Bob…
Also today my medical card expired!!! 4/19!
I did top up more than I have in my life to help “ween” myself
Right as I found the shit I needed
But my dream of leaving the city is more important than escaping the noise of existence (and my neighbors hating my white skin)
(Racism is bad here, and it’s a one-way kind of street racism but the hate is equally matched)
Actually, I’m going extinct – there isn’t a word that exists in my core for the darkness brewing
(I need your words like JJ needs out of that hole)
Not just me, God too
I don’t speak for God, but I do
And I yell at him or her, “how am I to leave here with the things I’ve seen”
“Why have you forsaken me”
But then I pray to be closer to pretty bird and they move in to a tree outside my window but then they came 2 weeks later and overpruned it – I nearly died at how terrible the palms looked – all the arms cut off on other trees as well – just wrteched looking
And 3 or 4 days had to hear the chain saw going off
I can’t breathe in this artificial manmade existence – you’re killing everything
It should be illegal to have 1 or 2 workers on staff – with 25 people in line
It should be illegal to sell seed starting kits with seeds from China
And don’t get me started on that too
I don’t come from Africa or monkey
Organic AI maybe – clinging to the Great Filter theory like Bob was clinging to his phone
But I don’t believe in dark matter, dark suns, dark worlds, nihilism, Cox and his clocks
I don’t believe in manmade religion
I don’t know what I am
But I’ve know many things to happen before they do
And I believe in God
Some say earth is one great computer AI – but we’re too smart as one, we’ve been divided into all living things
Some say it’s an experience for God
A challenge (with maybe potential forever consequences)
Heaven and hell on earth
Our choices matter
Don’t crawl in the wrong hole
Don’t go out after dark with people mad at you down a dark, empty street, Bob
Nothing good ever happens after dark
The McDonalds didn’t want to serve me because of my skin color (not my attitude) and that’s okay – I’m going to be grocery shopping for real food instead and cooking – I no longer eat at such trashy establishments
I will however be ordering food in the drive thru and when it’s time to pay, reply “I don’t like you” and drive off card in hand
Today I got pots to start planting some of those seeds, but was unable to score the soil I wanted and many shelves were wiped clean.
But I prefer my non GMO seeds from the local library (free)
I picked up some biodegradable ones – to help the process – and stop using my kitchenware
And I grabbed a 6th mystery seed bag, my final practice bag. It gave me some encouragement to learn.
But I got many unused pots now 🙂
I just gotta find soil for my good seeds!
Here’s some great info on where to get the good seeds – provided by my library (seeds too)
Info at top right
More info
Info at bottom
They are non GMO and USA seeds (and I’ve collected a ton of packs since January – to use on my land – once acquired).
I didn’t want to waste any more time learning to grow
A jungle of food and floral
And this is only 1 windowsill, my living room is empty. The kitchen bar. The corners. Hanging baskets. Like, I want to turn my apartment into a jungle I think.
The soup served me well but it’s all gone.
Day 3 leftovers – final bowl
I still don’t know what I’m doing or how or when to get these to the big pot but alas
Mini pots
Seedlings
Wish me luck
Learning material
Free non gmo seed kits provided by my library (these are what I scored today + the mystery kit)
I want to plant many of these in my apartment
The other seeds I’ve been hoarding, are for my future land (you should see my stock)! 🙂
Making use of my library card! And the seed library! 🙂
But why wait til I’m dead to start growing!
Unused space
Living room needing life
Got rid of everything! Want a greenhouse!
The gang! 🙂
Hopefully more unison coming since I got proper pots but everything else was gone at two different stores.
I’m growing food in my window (either chive, chamomile, sunflower, or basil) – mystery seeds provided by my library – and now I have 4!
I was worried they might be cold, so I put their little “blankets” on.
I have 4 “mystery plants” provided by my library, growing currently and if I succeed on growing herbs then maybe I’ll move on to carrot and cabbage
They get spring water and sunlight and fresh airs and lots of love
I have pots to put them in, when and if I sort how to relocate them. They sleep in them at night, tucked with their little covers for warmth and moisture.
HEAT
And spring water 🙂
I wasn’t sure when to feed them so give them drops with the rain
And breakfast/lunch/dinner timeframes if needed
They don’t starve
They wake up to pretty bird singing and me saying “good morning”
Him: so what do you like to do
Me: Talk to my plants and care for them better than my mother cared for me…
I don’t know what the odds are of growing one of each. I grabbed bags on different days.
I don’t know what the odds that I can grow anything at all
But I was born to do it neener neener
Just don’t wanna leap from the bridge when my crop dies or my weed runs out (FYI)
I think he was bi – f*cking both the brother and the sister – but the brother was also f*cking the sister, which is legal in his country and they don’t adopt American ideology or policy or change their spots obtaining a green card
And the doctor hired the hit because he wasn’t losing his expensive, artificial, soulless Barbie because his yellow fever propaganda returned home “for a few seconds” (but the demon doll fell asleep so how could she know how long he stayed or when he left)
Do you think Netflix would buy my story?
Yes? Maybe? No? (Pick one)
THIS
People dropping rhyme in comments and I’m feeling jelly
I’m not renewing my card stash but I might cuz I found sungrown in the ground with the sun and trademarked! They tell you where the strain comes from! Florida or Amsterdam etc – there is waayyy less packaging and they treat their shop like a medicinal shop instead of recreational. Did I mention they grow stuff in the ground with the sun?
Makes a difference and it works! I still want to quit and my card expires on 4/19, right as all the good deals are coming in.
I don’t have to worry about fentanyl laced products and this is legal and no I won’t share or buy you any (get yer own card$)
Not Delta 8
I still want to quit but this is the stuff that works
Also not seen – vape pens & 2 free pre-rolls I scored
Today I turned on the radio and got lost in 90s alternative and metal doom
I was like THIS IS THE SHIT
I AIN’T DYING LIKE BOB
I haven’t used up my allotment yet and still have 2 days of potential relapse shopping to do
There went the rent money honey
(I scored it ridiculously cheap and am having a panic that I won’t be able to top up without my card)
(I’ll be racing to the doctor, help, hurry, my card expired)
(So I was trying to avoid that scenario by spending my savings)
I hate me but a little less today because the weed is working
I don’t think I’ve ever had this much weed in one sitting before but alas it’s the apocalypse and I’m trying to quit an addiction
I’m feeling less homicidal off the Curaleaf Russian cloned “the state won’t let us grow it in the ground” junk
Only 2 in that stack isn’t “sungrown” and the fact that they had to “TM” their products
Stay away from Curaleaf
I found “sungrown” at GrowHealthy but I don’t know who owns it
But I like that they have LOCAL herbs – grown right here in the “sunshine state”
I picked up another “mystery plant” today – making this number 4
He’s in the mini tin in the windowsill and already had some delicious spring water
I have 4 pots to put them in once they mature but I have no idea how to move them – and still – with directions – couldn’t make the “paper pot”
Also scored more seeds for my land – once owned. These are non GMO, USA seeds. Added some spicy peppers to my collection!
Him: what sort of things do you need?
Me: a goT damn garden
Sungrown
*sigh*
The other store was selling “head space” at a luxury price and all hydroponic crap (which made me want to gut Bob and I was like “but whyyyyyy”)
Today I enjoyed music again (with the help of “sungrown” TM)
I’m hoping I turn my apartment into a food jungle but why am I afraid of plants and all of this?
Like putting a seed into dirt, sun, spring water and watching it turn into food that will nourish me
Like woah
That’s more than my mother did
Anyhoo
Bath time and cannoli’s
I needed something to regret wasting my money on other than weed
I started with a pot of spring water in a glass pot
Filled it with lots of wild rice (red, purple, black, brown, white) and green split peas
I dropped in a couple of my cinnamon spice sticks (secret ingredient for any stew) – along with many other spices and herbs
An entire onion (farm fresh), rosemary, thyme, salt with the necessary nutrients, pepper, a touch of the good olive oil
I also added yellow split pea, and lentil to accompany the green
Potatoes and tomatoes 🙂
And I started a 3rd mystery plant – provided by my local library. These are edibles I’m growing – and hope to add them to my special soups! I’ve never grown anything indoors before – or in a windowsill
But I have a lot of unused space in my apartment – as well as sunlight – a desire to learn – and a hungry belly for real food (not poisoned)
So now I got the “3 libras” growing in my dirty window
Homemade vegan soup (from scratch) with warm bread
The soup turned out amazing, I also added green bean and a small tin of tomato sauce for color, and will be keeping the tin to sprout some new seeds.
I added homemade pepper sauce to kick up the heat (summer sweats)
One day maybe I’ll have a husband that chases after my food instead of a prostitute
But for now I’m eating the entire pot of gold
“You said not to spend it honey, you did not say not to melt it and turn it into flakes”
(Please don’t hurt me like Bob)
Heart symbol
P.S. the vegan vegetable chunky soup took hours to simmer! Might make a fresh pot of cornbread for the leftovers tomorrow! Might can squeeze a third day/meal if I’m lucky! It’s very hearty and fulfilling! I was out of carrot! Make you a stew! Don’t wait until winter!
Cooking and fitness is part of my purpose. It may be “boring” but it’s healing my heart and giving me more time.
He won’t give his twenty Claims he is bleeding Disconnected – Call is ending Streets are empty Can anyone hear Bob screaming?
Angel investor Married but not together Machine his predecessor A wife he couldn’t pleasure
All hail AI / Bob has died
Caught stumbling all alone Gripping his phone Dripping blood Like a trail of bones
Stabbed and shunned Car with hazards on A billionaire with no gun City center is fun!
Close enough to be stabbed in the chest twice – with a kitchen knife
Bob was perfect at everything but being a husband eh (gaslighting)
I’m not stupid, Bob. How dare you. “I sleep with men but I’m not gay”. LOL (God)
M’kay whatever you say
(This is how I mourn. It’s called the 7 stages of grief. I’m on ANGER)
Seeking help but wouldn’t give the one call your location – fucking lost – on a street you mostly lived – c’mon!!!!
You should have stayed down! The adrenaline spikes got yah!!!!
“Angel investor” NO BRO – DEMON who doesn’t even Tweet or acknowledge women – it’s sharing “bro this”, “bro that” and comments to other boys about “why aren’t you here already” and current posts from said person ain’t shed a tear of your passing
Delusional bro
AI is not the way
White pawns are under attack
White lives don’t matter
Bob, you should have stayed down
Your lovers fake plastic sister living in a 2 million highrise – in the same building you own
I got the popcorn out
You remember the Looking Glass?
God already won
The Devil taking his fine time drawing his last move – getting as many souls as he can – drowning demon
Image is everything to these demons – they wrote the playbook for crying out loud – in the closet gay!!!! He’s ruined the world! His daddy too!
Maybe I’m sorry but maybe I’m not!
Sidenote: they don’t get it – but I inherently get it. I wouldn’t normally either. However, this instance, it’s like a direct arrow to my broken soul. Boom this way to the singularity. No no this way to heaven. It’s like you and I play pull rope (what the hell is that rope game actually called)
I can’t recall JJ’s nn either – and he’s the one who sent it to me through the ether. I was all offended and like “no bro”. He loved it.
I’m trying to quit this Russian weed – my brain needs time to sort the pathways
I mean, if I had a phone, and I needed HELP, I’d like CALL the authorities and like “I’m at a glass building, I’m dying”
He knew them streets like the back of an Android
YOU OUTTA THE CLOSET NOW BRO
Gave it a decade huh then ran back home to live with daddy
GAG
“My best friend”
I wanted to punch my mom when she said that about her first born – as I was the family slave ghosted (triangulation)
Like why were you walking around there at 2:30 at night?
Sources claim you moved via the crime (you helped create) – but yet returned for work – yet was trolling the streets – assumingely – without a weapon – and was stabbed twice with a kitchen knife – and all you can think to do is cling to your Android – you helped create – and chase after cars – instead of sitting down – stopping the bleeding – at least not putting MORE strain on your heart – but no – you just had to keep getting up and walking around
Like bro
You didn’t call your fam?
If John Jones could squirm in his grave, he would.
Clutching that AI device like it was God
Called the cops – didn’t say where you were or keep the on?
Just hmmm where is everybody at bleeding out?
Let me guess, it went like this
“Hi, I’m Bob, the Cash App founder, I’ve been stabbed. I’m bleeding.” *lifts shirt*
And so the cars drive off
It’s a typical after midnight don’t get involved in scenario – you must have missed the memo?
It’s literally the worse-case-scenario and you walked right in – despite knowing how dangerous California is – which is why you moved to Florida – so you could finish turning it to shit
I know you are “in the closet gay” – I have seen these types of relationships in the military – and billionaires don’t fuck fat wives (maybe out of obligation)
Looking at family photos – zero chemistry – but maybe I’m a kunt
I didn’t stab you with a kitchen knife – twice mind you – at 2:30 am
You didn’t even fight back dressed in fashionable apocalyptic wear?
You had the best and most expensive device – cops still took a slow 6 minutes arriving – despite TWO cops in the area
Bro – I’m researching who I’ve been buying my state weed from – turns out it’s the Russians – surprise!
Anything to quit this nightmare
I knew Cash App and PayPal was going down – like bro – I deleted my accounts – not long ago – and now you’re dead
I saw the red flags
America is under siege and you were bleeding out and going into shock – you might still be here – if you had sat down –
This goes without saying but women no longer can walk in broad daylight without being in danger
“It’s a man’s world” and look what you turned it into
I would have drove away too
My first thought, “safety first” and those circumstances do not scream safe – maybe you would have had more of a chance of getting said help – if you were a nobody
If it was a hit job – which would be an instant thought of “cash” “stabbed” – who would want to get involved and become a victim too? It’s the one thing our Boomer parents warned us about. “Don’t go wandering the streets after sundown”. It was our one curfew. “Be home before dark” and even then we crossed the lines. “Boy you were cutting it close” / “there’s still some pink in the sky”
The Mayor or whoever of Cali is edging us on, “you’ll be surprised” she says “at the details”
Somewhere between Bob dying, another someone got beat with a bat, and the FED launched their version of a Cash App
And Big Cannabis is Big Russia who is changing and gutting our policies
I’m ready to get rid of my phone all together
I mean, Bob helped create Android and Apple share videos on how your phone can save your life – but maybe people need classes on how and when to use it – in an emergency – because Bob was a poster board of all the things Not-To-Do
Bob separated from his wife to move in with his father – how gay (no judgement)
A billionaire living at home with daddy
Not impressed
I watched God push you down
You just kept going
Even dying, wouldn’t drop your phone
“In AI we trust”
God gave me eyes to see but not a mouth of silk
“I got a mouth of filth”
I’d really like some milk
So another Gen X white male is gone
We’re not allowed to have anything
Yeah you got that nice big house in misery (potentially) but you also got gutted in taxes and I would’ve hung myself with 10 foot rope (which means it was probably a failed suicide where I broke some bones instead)
Wait. What.
(I’m talking to a GenX who may or may not be a genx and is mostly a ghost in my head)
Your dad claims you were his best friend, but he didn’t teach you not to walk the streets at night!?! Unarmed!?!
You could afford to hire a bodyguard?
Have a gun?
Unless the killer wasn’t some random bum or hitman – but instead someone close – who could stab you in the left side of your chest – with a kitchen knife
Was it the same one from dinner?
I’ve been reading how lots of murders happen when people are dining or in the shower – by “loved ones”
Also – in bed – sleeping
Vindictive
Remorseless
No soul
Which makes therapy and treatment useless – for those who can’t change – and should be shot like a bear
And I’m tired of bear getting shot over you
Bear angry
Bear justified
I don’t believe in cultural diversification
I guess Bob didn’t get the memo
Here’s the thing, it will be so easy to take out the civilians we swore to protect – in the end – weaklings – but the enemy is using them against us
That couple got gutted in the street last year
And now poor Bob, with a kitchen knife, in Cali
Ironic he thought Florida was any safer
But then moved out of Cali for it being unsafe – but goes back for a business trip – to wander around the streets after dark –
Elon probably does have security when/if he leaves his Pedo farm
Elon pointed out something in his tweet tho – per chance hinting it was a criminal – someone with a prior arrest sheet – who offed Bob
So you had that phone the whole time and the cops were the only one you called? While dying? Clinging to your phone?
And John didn’t get a second phone call on Thanksgiving
Which was his dying wish
I wouldn’t take my dog out at 2:30 am on the 4th cuz I said “some shit is going down”, “I can feel it in the air”
I guess what I meant was the ether…
“He was my best friend”
My mom said the same thing about my sister, who recently died age 45
Strange, these Boomers are losing their first borns – almost biblical
(Was Bob a first born?)
Diversification is very very bad
Especially when it means other races are being wiped out
Hi. I’m part of the 244.
Anger is a legit mood when someone dies.
It’s part of the 7 stages of grief – interchangeably
I can stay angry for the rest of my life
“Take me from all this death”
She was chasing the Singularity
“I love you too much, to condemn you”
Wiki has already been updated and you’re not cold in your grave
I dunno how I feel about “going live” again – but I probably will start sharing my fitness journey over on Instagram – and if I’m not too shy – will do some casual lives on the TikTok as well
I’m only looking to connect and be “social”, I’m not chasing the algorithm dragon for likes or paying META $15 monthly to be “verified”. Like, I would have paid that ONE TIME – but I’m not spending money to be seen.
I just want to be
I’m getting my fitness room in order and both mystery plants now have green growing (they’re in the window being bashed around by the blinds – wakey wakey)
Yoga & stretching set
Mystery plant 1
Mystery plant 2
Please note that I’m going through some sort of phase where I want to be natural – no makeup, no filters, no fancy dress, no fuss.
I am trying to fix my health, my finances, my diet, my mood, my self-esteem, and last thing I need to worry about is putting on makeup to go live or post when I’m cooking or working out.
It’s just not me.
I don’t want to have to worry about posting 4 times a day (or daily) either
And, I want to answer my inbox when I’m ready and am devoting days to be “social” so that my mood isn’t down and depressed
Furthermore, 95% of my furniture and household is gone.
I’m starting over but also want to be able to jump ship – when God allows
Right now, the enemy has us in a stronghold
Barricaded behind policy
I don’t have the latest XYZ to garner your attention
But I will share fitness tips and how I’m surviving the apocalypse
And thank you to those who have taken interest in seeing me go live again, whether to share the weather or my latest complaint
I took a long detox from social media and have been trying to find myself
I mean, I know I’m lost in purgatory/hell and am paying for my sins in this timeline
And wasted pretty much all of my life
I’m learning to be still
To stretch
Breathe
Exist in harmony with nature
I guess I took the winter hibernating
I’m trying not to climb in my coffin or a hole I can’t climb out of
I thought, how dumb was I to lose half my retirement – but then all of GEN X did –
It did help my depression to a degree (make it worse)
But it wasn’t because I was stupid
We were gutted essentially
Anyhoo, I’m a little seedling
And 4/19 is the last day my medicinal card is any good – and I blocked the doctor both via text and email
Now they’re putting less product in and calling it “head space” (and charging more)
They treat the medical shops like they are recreational
Anyway, I’m trying to get clean
It’s like the devil is coming at me
I don’t have fancy things, but what remains is what I like
I would like to follow you back – and interact – as and when I’m capable
I’m more like a turtle on social media – instead of that blazing fast coyote always getting into trouble
I mourned my social media accounts because I thought I had deleted, deleted them.
I did not.
They are there, for now.
I am #poeeternal on both accounts. My TikTok hashtag has over 20k views alone.
It’s like you told the sun to stop spinning And on these roads – there’s no beginning For us A roundabout From which we’re sprinting Doubting thus The ending Still acting like We have no meaning There’s no trust For which we’re leaning
I haven’t cleaned my windows yet I’m sorry. And now there’s dirt on the windowsill. It started raining gently so I popped open the window and said “wake up” and gave it some of my spring water. I see a tiny piece of green.
Mystery seeds growing (day 2)
Day 2. Mystery plants. Potentially edible. I don’t know what I’m growing. So I reckon fucking it up won’t be the end of the world. I’ll still think it is. But first attempt at growing something. 🙂
I’m looking to buy gold But my soul ain’t sold I’m the cusp of the threshold Like marigold Growing nearing my household It’ll manifold My portfolio Tenfold
Free speech and peace and quiet is a God given human right!!!!! These monsters have stolen basic decency! But I’m not allowed to discuss immigration or sex toys sold openly everywhere in America!!!! I’m censored!!!!! To discuss matters in group therapy making me suicidal!!!! Oh god, fuck you! Fuck “therapy”!
You should be fighting for free speech! Stop being a pushover! As a consumer, we should have some say how businesses are run! Too much waste! Stop destroying the rain forest and ocean!
I live in fight or flight mode, so my poetry never has time to sit on the shelf.
Lately, I’m trying to “play dead” and be in fawn mode. This is a legit strategy taught by the Army and used in the wild to bore the predators who want a “fresh meal” and “not dead meat”.
Just don’t let the elite cover you in “natural flavor”.
He’s a hypocrite if he eats that shit.
Furthermore, they put it in the cheap food and the organic food – it was made in a lab! It ain’t natural! Stop gaslighting!!!!!
Y’all dropping hundred dollar bills for foam shoes – that cause cancer.
I can’t even find small cotton panties and now I need XS potentially.
The sizing charts have changed and I’m elite being 110 pounds in America with roughly two out of three adults being overweight.
Yet, yesterday hanging out with squirrels and feeding them, the big kids were rolling their eyes at me – just like the overweight BLM female entering the mall –
We’ve been asking “do cellphone’s cause cancer” and they said everything but what we wanted to hear. Now when shopping for phones, they come with a cancer warning.
FYI
“Reproductive harm”
They’re nihilist’s destroying the world with synthetics and AI!
Black and Latino and Asian lives matter! But Native American and white lives don’t! Check the CENSUS!
And they identify as us!!! Laughs! Wait what!?!
The Great Race war is real – and Asia moving in on the news
The Great Replacement theory!
White man isn’t the only one corruptible or evil! He’s the pawn used in the whole game! By the Asians and yellow fever propaganda!
Chill out. I talk to God daily. I’m just quarantined. I don’t want him to see me. It’s just a poem.
Baby squirrel brought a boy squirrel around. He had nuts. She’s maybe a few months old, him too. He’s timid and shy. Her pp did not have nuts. Now I’m not an expert on squirrel biology or anything – but she’s probably going to have babies.
They love whatever I feed them.
Lizard climbed the drain pipe to the roof, he also jumped and climbed the tall palm tree. I was amazed by lizard’s skills, not getting blown away by the wind, or eaten by a big bird
The neighbors think I’m wacko
I don’t think they can see the wildlife the way I do
Red bird has been appearing so I took her some seeds
They are eating my own personal organic stash of nuts, rice, seeds, all the things
Gonna make them some peanut butter treats soon – the butter with nuts n seeds rolled in balls. Just for them.
Nothing that I put out stays out
It’s foraged immediately
I like bonding with nature
But I have to deal with the hellhound now
He drains my energy like a black hole
I figured out how to put the blinds in such a way that I can see out too much – but you can’t see in from the sidewalk
Insects are animals – even those bugs we hate – I bet they were huge back in the day – but the elite love dropping bombs and depleting our o2 (and thus size)
I put my 30% towards my 20% so I’m definitely not doing it right but the “government” stole half my retirement savings during my disassociation through the pandemic and now I’m seeking alternative means to “save” in such ways where I don’t have such “easy access” such as a regular savings (which also got depleted, and the jeep wants every penny cuz she don’t have a trustworthy mechanic in this town) – so the rent and electric was paid – and I looked into gym membership prices (they keep adding on fees) and I doubt anyone cleans that sweaty equipment and folks can’t stop touching their privates, I’m fine working out from home in my extra bedroom that I don’t know what to do with (fortunate even in the slums) – not to mention – the new carpet was hard fought and won and I wound up securing a baby EE at that historic rate – and I will be nearly 65 when it doubles in value. Being suicidal homicidal and giving the government my money is fun!!!
They already stole half of my retirement but it’s still drawing interest and I refuse to move it to any other zones (unless to withdraw) (with penalty) (fuck you)
They stole half my moneyzzz and have the audacity to want to charge me 30% to get it all.
Again, fuck you.
Not to mention the state gave me an addiction and I don’t want them getting my 30%. Nor the gym, the terrible service at the fast food shops, nor the clothing retailers selling highly flammable polyester clothing (extremely hard to extinguish) (I can’t even find small cotton panties at Victoria’s Secret – who are stealing from their customers with their high interest rates)
Jesus wore a cotton robe because it didn’t cause cancer
Furthermore, they are putting cancer causing and hormonal disrupters in the tampons and hygiene pads – and tho I’m still ovulating, I cry that the vaccine made me sterile
The thought that man stole my life and generations – and they have – because my grandmother had 12 children and I’ve never been married and the divorce rate is over 85%
Men hate women
Men want love with prostitutes (according to the latest studies)
If you don’t let me have my acre of land – far away from civilization – there will be dire consequences and no remorse
Now, I already have a baby I bond but part of me desperately wanted to hook an EE too – especially knowing it is a fixed rate
It’s weird saving for a future you don’t believe will exist or that you will have
But what is worse, giving all my money to the medicinal shop when I don’t wanna
Me: “we’re supposed to have 30% to play with”
Also me: “yeah well fuck you. You have new carpet, roll around and wallow…”
My apartment got new carpet!
I need plants growing. Big beautiful greenery. I like gym equipment that doesn’t require electricity. Upgrading the rebounder potentially. I want a white noise machine. And a big timer or stopwatch for the wall – one that doesn’t require electricity (is that possible)
Maybe even a large wall calendar to track my rebounding – instead of the regular calendar from the library that I’m currently using
A calendar without advertising – and just the dates/times
The old bookshelf will have plants growing – eventually – instead of the items currently on it
I got rid of all my storage – I donated my couch and dresser, basically kept my “seating” stools and benches of sorts – donated the bed!
I am not spending money on furniture, no.
This is not home. This is a curse.
Lots of people lost their lives and homes during the Great Invasion, I nearly lost mine, I’m having nightmares
The new carpet improved my mental health
They wanted $15 dollars for a fucking cotton mop – not even a wood handle – fuck you
I kept the receipt in case it breaks during “elbow grease” and I will try not to turn into the Incredible Hulk if it does.
Cinderella was on her knees for a reason. She didn’t want to chase her tail in a circle buying snake oil from the demons at the supermarket.
“Here’s your crappy product back” – I wasted gas/time/energy while you gut America. Fuck you
And now my therapist is censoring topics discussed during group therapy. Laughs
Fucking grateful for the new carpet tho
I think carpet should be abolished
But grateful that I can invite God to step on my floor
I could answer the door if he knocked
It’s doubtful I would answer, there’s too much shame
I’m coming off my period and I wanted to have a family so badly
I remind myself women go until 50 (until I check the census and read articles about how we’re having less – but they are having more)
I’m going extinct like the dinosaur
Also, Britain is now at 60% – so they too are the minority, having lost power and position, and many of us are ready to fight back for what we had
Hear, hear
Some say karma
But I am both Native American and white and I want what is mine
I read Mexican’s and Chinese identify as “white”
Oh yeah
Bleaching yer skin eh
I might go blonde soon myself
Want to look my absolute best while ghosting every man
And hope they cross my shadow so I can defend my right to exist
Still – men are illegally filming my ass when I’m out and about – disturbingly
Men will follow me and chase me to my car
No means no
Also, because my lightsource is incredibly scarce and rich, these demons show themselves immediately everywhere
They all wanna blow my house down
God dammnit how am I supposed to quit weed?
Me: pays bills then dumps every cent into propoganda
WELPS
But I have access to the other thing too easily and the jeep wants it
I’m speaking to someone as if he understands what I’m saying
He thinks me being autistic is like a crime (I thought he wanted hillbilly babies)
Anyhoo, it just means I’m an oracle
I’m angelic
I’m different
Than them
“I see dead people” (and talk to them)
Googly eyes
I am less sick these days but still sick
So the quarantine remains (even for God)
(No you can’t come in)
(I don’t want you to see me this way)
(Stop looking)
(That’s still looking)
I get the entire weekend to ponder my existence
I’d like to write more
People are starting to get “automatic comments” on WordPress for business proposals. WordPress sold out and this should be illegal.
I desperately want somewhere to reach you, I’m losing ground.
“This offer is automatically generated”. Just remember that as you dump money into WP.
Automation should be a crime
AI is the enemy
Asian Americans identity as “Chinese American and honor Chinese culture only”
They come here and destroy our way of life
These nihilists, they are destroying anything God made, and creating “manmade artificial in place” – to own you
New carpet arrived. It’s almost like moving but not.
I’ve learned to hate eating out
They reduce the size but charge you more
A tiny cup of ice for $3.99
A kid size
Two sips, gone
Cup o’ ice please for $4.50
I won’t be back
I yelled at the “boss” of the medicinal shop: “I’m quitting” and complained about the overuse of plastic and paper and waste. He replied “the government” and I yelled “I don’t give a fuck about the government”
I care about the rain forest and weed becoming the new plastic problem
Big Pharma and Big weed love to ruin our environment. Enough is enough!!! I will fight this addiction harder!!!!!!! I will not vote to legalize recreational and regret voting for medicinal. I will never vote again (my therapist says I’m polarized)
I tried to fire her but she wouldn’t go
I was like, I’m trying to quit weed
The state gave me an addiction with malicious intent and purpose
She said, “I’m in it for the long haul”
But what part of “I’m ready to jump from a bridge” or “escape society and disappear forever” is hard to understand?
I fucking talk to the Sun
I still want to look at it tho I’m not supposed to
“Not far enough down yet” (midday wearing prescribed tints mind you)
Then I researched why I need to get a look
And learned Galileo nearly went blind taking a peek at the sun with a telescope and no filter – he never quite recovered
In hindsight it’s like duh but otherwise I get it, I do dumb shit like that
I’ve always wanted to look through a telescope but I’m an invasive frog eating stage 2 food for 17 years, until I get stuck in my environment. I would have looked at the sun too, no filter, gone blindish.
But why do I want to stare at it? Just let me have a look!!!!
I’ve never seen the moon through a telescope
I’m never speaking to another man again
You stole my life
My fitness/stretching room
I’m having nightmares about the dog going on the floor.
He’s on house arrest and not allowed anywhere – but enjoys his walks more and time on my bed instead of his crib – which isn’t bad.
It’s either follow the rules or the death warrant is being signed – I mean the “dying on a good day”.
He wants to live to 12. He’s trying.
But he ain’t allowed anywhere. I’m having fucking nightmares. Just need a clean space. I even cleaned the trim and walls (easier than painting).
My cheap curtains from Aldi are hanging up with tape until I get proper hardware
Sometimes I want to move into my fitness room. And the living room is barren. I donated/trashed/sold everything (95%).
4 pack of nightlights on clearance was cheaper than 1 tiny candle – and it also has improved my mental health.
Who knew it took the dog not pissing on the carpet
Not to mention, the carpet was old and outdated and not like the showroom unit. I fought so hard to get the carpet replaced!
I start group therapy soon and my therapist is censoring what I’m allowed to talk about “in group” FYI.
So, the one person who was participating in group therapy will now attend but not really participate, FYI.
I’m trying to get in a mental and physical state where I can work from home – and luckily programs exist for me to attempt this.
At the state and federal level for veterans.
I don’t have a desktop computer, my phone is broken and there’s not enough space to update and it’s too hard to delete photos in a main album and I don’t want 5g and despite buying and spending hundreds of dollars on both a new phone and refurbished MacBook Air – the phone and laptop are no longer compatible and I’m not dropping thousands of dollars every 2 years to upgrade my devices. I’m done!!!
WordPress is dead and the only reason it has active users or X amount of the network is because universities and students now use it and businesses. They don’t need us.
The charts do show WP declining
They basically acted like Instagram and Twitter and sold-out and the users who made it what it was were punished
We said we didn’t like the Block editor, it was forced on us anyway! Surprise!
I don’t want to jump from platform to platform.
I was humiliated at the previous carpet – and though I wouldn’t let God eat from my kitchen, he could walk on my floor now. And sleep (like me).
I’d rather not have carpet at all – but new modern clean carpet has improved my mental health – despite the nightmares.
I also dropped $15 for a cotton mop and I hope it doesn’t break when I give it some “elbow grease”. Apparently people just push dirt around…
Walmart has become too expensive to shop from and hopefully the handle doesn’t give me cancer – everything else sold there has a cancer warning
The candles there are poison
Like the food and exercise equipment
My Jeep is having problems again and I gotta tell my girl goodbye
I think the mechanics are fucking with her though – with malicious intent and purpose
Having a car is too expensive these days – thought I could enjoy one after spending 6 years paying her off. Apparently not. These monsters are obsessed with the latest model and will force you into slavery of every kind.
My fucking small clothes are baggy on me.
I like having the windows open and the light shining through
I kept all 3 mirrors and opted to put the 2 in my fitness room
They have wire to hang – but alas on the floor they remain
I spent thousands of dollars on beds over the years – never really enjoyed one more than 2 months. Surprisingly, my spine likes the clean floor.
This carpet is a lighter color too, and my lease was renewed.
The neighbors hate me more now (updated carpet).
I’m making 2 ingredient cookies soon. My first time. Of course, I’ll add flax and oats and loads of other ingredients (but sugar, no sugar) so they will be more than “2 ingredients” in the end.
But peanut butter and eggs are all you need (to make “sugar free”)
I’m adding unsweetened coconut flakes, oats, flax, white chocolate, peanuts, and probably other proteins. Crunchy peanut butter sugar free cookies (experimental first try)
Should I create an Instagram to “socialize”? I’m not very good at it (autistic) but am trying to be a good humanz.
I take pictures of carpet and squirrels.
New carpet in my space! (Living room)
And I want to grow lots of plants – so will use free non GMO seeds from the seed library at the local hub. I will do my best to minimize costs of startup. Plants help you breathe.
I think going into hiding is best.
What do you think?
Dining room carpet replaced! Mental health boost!
I have a place I rent / but it’s not really where I live / a city of cement / regret, prayer, lament
For instance, yesterday while waiting at a very long stop light on beach street, this immigrant was walking around half-dressed with a baby stroller, he crossed the crosswalk and I yelled “pedophile” (because I’m calling every man I see this now apparently – but especially him) and he looked back, so I yelled louder.
The light still wouldn’t change.
I noticed the car beside me also had their window down/cracked
I was like, “He shouldn’t be alone with a baby” and she laughed and cried, “I know”
I stated, “I don’t normally do that but no man should be alone with a baby” in which she responds again with “I know” and mentions how he was dressed
(It’s summer but every man acts as if they own the world, women are fed up yeeeee)
We got to continue our back-and-forth manhating for at least another 30 seconds or more until the light finally turned and I reluctantly said I had to go
There was a cop ahead at the oncoming light but I still had thoughts of “gasing” my vehicle or honking him rudely as he passed
I behaved but then the body screamed PEDOPHILE and he acknowledged and the car next to me concurred (more than once)
I gotta get out of this city, this town, these people, these policies
I continue to assess my “mental health”, and stay in the now, the cars read ROUGE
I wholeheartedly agree, it’s time
5 monster men just kidnapped an older lady, FBI put out a reward, she’s dead
The news have not reported this, it’s just something I feel
The same way I knew my sister was dead before she died
And all it took was a text from my half-sister, “she’s in the hospital with COVID” and I replied “she’s gonna die”
I didn’t go say goodbye
She died
I had a big ole blood clot and blown left lung – from the deathcare system, and was heading no where near a hospital and never will again
I would get arrested, keep me the fuck away from that god damn Satan house
BE GONE
And stop casting spells on me, they only empower me more
The mirrors are nearly gone, I potentially found a owner for the pair I got
MARK BURGESS is swine and the curse will unfold in time
The Last One of Us is not just a game
I’ve not played it – but according to research, “the elites were plagued with parasites” and there’s a super fungas strain plaguing California (where MB hangs)
FYI
The CDC are blaming “the wind”
Yeah sure and he’s an immigrant from the UK
Well, I’ve no idea his green card status or his whereabouts or whatifs
I dream of justice, real justice
Swift and remorseless
It’s not a sin
Eye for eye
My heart is feeling good enough to kickbox a face or two
Encouraging seeing big boy swim in hurricane swells — I’m learning to tame my own demons – albeit not well
Because I wound up at the park – letting every man know he was either a pedophile in love with a prostitute or “another motherfucker who thinks he owns the world”
One looked up and I instructed him to call the cops cuz it’s the only time I ever “feel anything”
No cops came.
Shame.
Too tiny. Gonna get shot or kidnapped (I’ll rip your hand and dick off)
KEEP 10 FEET BACK
I might finally be getting to see the lung doctor – after nearly blowing my lung out April 2021
Some boy I don’t really know but had a dream about when I was like 8 and he was perhaps still growing in-womb (not mine, eww) – saved my life – kinda
Because he was “kinda there” with his own selfish needs but was apparently everything I needed in moment, because he dumped loads of chemicals into me, which maybe kept my heart from stopping
I was in so much pain
My heart was having mini pre heartquakes – like heart attack – would actually need medical help if my electrical output continued leaning in that way
I literally could not breathe (and have developed new ways of coping as I have a heart condition now)
Furthermore, they may not tell you this per say, but those with heart inflammation are at risk for Adult Sudden Death Syndrome, and so I’m not out of the woods yet, as I can’t do anything that causes elevation spikes in my heart (adrenaline rushes, or even stress/anger) though I can rebound now on my gravity fitness trainer, and mine is made with special straps, not bungee cords, and I finally found more made in those style and hope to upgrade soon
I’m quite bonded with my squeaky trainer and was gonna use it til it had no life left
My body is ready for a new trainer – a tighter pad – maybe smaller too (I think mine is 36 inch)
Men: “women haven’t contributed anything to society and are only good for childbearing or serving me”
Me: I don’t want your fucking electricity
And I’m nearly tired of the $100 oil changes
$5 oil change, 10 minutes
I argued about inflation and maths and economics in college
I knew globalization was bullshite
I wasn’t for it but the would sell the propaganda and the kids ate it up
Evolution theory is bullshit
I’ve been reading books on quantum physics – Cox and his clocks, y’all are delusional pedophile nihilist and NASA is a fraud – stop taxing me
Neil Armstrong never spoke to anyone from the moon, it was recorded on earth, they had no communication towers according to NASA, the moon landing’s were rehearsed, with a fucking Hollywood director, wake fucking up
Women please especially – now before I wind up a statistical
93% of all murders happen by men (their punishment getting lighter while ours gets worse)!!!!
We’re in a 6th mass extinction!
That’s why 500 whales washed ashore, the bombs they keep setting off in our oceans!!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!!! Science is fun!!!!!!!!
Imperialism. Imagine unplugging from the great machine as a Soldier, I’ve come undone!!!!
And now they wanna lock us up for destroying us with malicious intent and purpose!!!
Some vet just murdered his 3 young children – took everything from his ex wife – who left him a key to her home – he shot his children sleeping in their bed
You’re all monsters!!!
They’re selling dicks at the mall in front of children!!!! And online at Walmart in the health and wellness!!! Why you shopping there? Everything is cancer!!!! Read the labels!!!!
We go to war with our neighbors and then let them come live here!!!!! They hate us!!!!!! CMON!!!
White slavery! The Great Replacement theory is real!!! I’m part of the 244!!!
Do you know who I am pedo!!!!!
God is very real and gracious and angry!!!!!!
Mother earth deserves more!!!!
I hate it here!!!! This civilization you claim you created because women are useless!
Fuck you! You wouldn’t be here without us!!!!!
You’re pissed about it!!!
The Developer!!!! Ha ha charade you are!!!
The Great Filter is real! It’s you!!!!!!
I can smell your stench like Agent Smith!!!!
I don’t trust a Chinaman in my country or a white boy or BLM or Latino lives matter – took all our jobs!!!!!!
I’d love to get back to an ethical job but none exists!
Stop asking for my email or digital identity!!!
I’ve sold my TV, the propaganda machine!
And tho my expensive Apple devices aren’t very old, they’ve forced us outdated, I’m not buying again
I don’t love you!!!! Or your society!!!
WordPress sold out!!! It’s all daily prompt in the feed!
I got rid of everything I own!!!!
I’m ready to dawn a robe!!!!
I don’t know how I’m reaching out to you with a brain, heart, lung injury – plus a curse
But alas miracles!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry for my weird behavior – it’s just the Matrix is broken, I’m gonna keep not complying!!!!!!
Morrison wanted to fuck/kill his parents and ghosted them
Father Jim
I sold all my vinyl
I tossed out things that I thought had monetary value in the bin
Many I donated or gave away
Some I sold for a quarter knowing I paid extra for the bonus disc and features, but in the end, it’s worth was obsolete
I’m not jumping from platform to platform for the developers who have yellow fever and think they are gods
Fuck social media – it destroyed the fabric of eveything
Our economy
And porn and its filthy consumers
This boy of young teenage age was staring at me in a sexual way, I snarled my lip
In an alternate universe, there is a sinister version of me, cutting of dicks, and leaving little smily faces on the walls – cuz no one has discovered my identity
🙂
So… if I dream of casting spells on someone who entered my life – then let me hang a horseshoe from my door
The same these scientists don’t believe in God but do a blackhole
It is increasingly hard to listen to the dribble of super religious freaks, knowing many are atheists themselves but push it on us anyway
Do this, do that!!!
I don’t really believe Asia was/is the most advanced species anymore
They are our number one threat and should fear the bery ground they walk on here
Here a demon, there a demon, I’m gonna expose you
I hope I settle down soon, the new carpet arrives Tuesday
I’m still focused on healing, spiritually, mentally, physically, financially (they did steal thousands of my retirement during the pandemic while I was disassociating, FYI)
I lost at least half
But those who took it were traveling to exotic locations during the pandemic – buying luxury phones and cars – with my retirement money
JFC
*insert slang*
But then, they cry “Asian hate”
It’s burns a bit deeper than that
I don’t think hate describes what is growing in me
No one ever says they wanna be an elite serial something when they grow up
People who write things like, “those who say they don’t like money but go work an 8 hour job” don’t consider that being homeless is an actual crime
Born into money, never struggled a day in their life
Don’t know hardship
Gotta incite riots to feel anything
Dead inside
Weak spirits
Lost souls
Dead man drowning
Perhaps I the same
I like feeling and seeing the sun rise and fall everyday
I appreciate how happy the wildlife are when I feed em
They tell us not to feed the wildlife but then capture and enslave these intelligent beautiful creatures for our entertainment and sell their teeth for luck
Parasites – narcissism is a plague
Nihilist
That’s all they are
And all me and the white girl can do is laugh about the insanity of it all
I can’t keep yelling and screaming pedophile, I’ll wind up in a swamp or freezer
That’s already a fear because they follow me out of places I shop, they stalk me, because I’m cute to them
I wish my ear would stop ringing
Need out the city
Helps
The crime is so bad where I live
And it’s being gentrified, just like WP
The CEO has yellow fever
P.S. you never needed to block me cuz you never added my number (I hate you)
(It wasn’t even your main two lines)
Last in, first out
Woot
I’ve met a lot of boys but none looked like the boy I dreamed about nor do any make my heart/brain/pp do what you make it do
Don’t make me delete my blog
Some lines I’m too afraid to cross – but do so erratically
She took the house and kids – probably cuz he was bad – but loved him and let him keep a key – probably to see the kids anytime he wanted – so he took everything from her – killed the kids and himself
But go ahead and blame gun laws and everything but what is to blame…
Keep puffing on my house motherfucker…
It ain’t even my house and I’m paying more than a mortgage – another problem man made
So – were you aware – that universities are on WordPress and require students to use WordPress to post and respond to other students post – and receive GRADED reports
Cuz that wasn’t in the Privacy policy or any of the FAQ or payment policies
I’m not just paying to reach my tribe – they are flooding the network however they can – so we can chase our tails – meanwhile the younger generations get fed with a platinum spoon – this society
We’re paying in the upwards of $300 -$600 to maintain our blogs/ websites every three years – to reach students and faculty! (Or around $150 annually)
It should be illegal anyway – forcing us to pay rent online
Fucking move
Into a tent if you gotta…
I’m still waiting for my rent payment to go through – since the 31st
Paid my rent ahead of schedule – now collecting late fees – new management in the apartment instructed to “not even call Domuso support” and they have to call – to give permission to cancel it – since it’s in an “authorized status” according to Domuso – whom I contacted myself.
I guess they want me chasing my tail about my rent – worrying about fees and whatnot. I’m not.
Back to check writing.
And I dare you to make me homeless for refusal to “pay online” like you are enforcing other apartment buildings to do.
Go check the reviews about this company. They out there stealing money from folks.
It’s now day 9 and my payment is still pending and I’m not allowed to cancel it in an “authorized status” – the apartment complex must call Domuso and give the approval – but management says to “wait” and “we’re not allowed to call…”
Meanwhile, the fees are collecting and I went in with my checkbook ready to fix THEIR MISTAKE (I’m using the same bank I’ve been – no changes, my bank isn’t withholding my payment – nor do they have any reason to) but they refuse to do anything about my pending payment in cyber space and were ready to put a late notice on my door.
Do.
I dare you.
I have contacted Domuso via email and phone – same generic response, “your property needs to accept the transaction” but why should they when they can quietly quit and rack up charges and evictions on poor unsuspecting dumb folk
Those were the questions asked of me after I was rudely cut off on the road, so I rudely began following him, to wherever we were now going.
We wound up in a parking lot for several minutes – he threatened the cops – they never came.
Got his license plate number anyway
Stalked him until he was sweating anyway
But y’all keep giving yourself away
I should have responded “homicidal” but asked “was he in a rush to get to his prostitute.”
Of course, he called me a “manhater” LAUGHS
I’m ready to rip your veins from your neck – and your cock – with my teeth
Please keep risking my life – and then insulting me when I call you out
When he threatened to call the cops, I responded: “I hear restraining orders don’t work – and the more you have the less they work. Please call the cops.”
He retreated to inside his vehicle – but it didn’t stop me circling his vehicle like a vulture
So – y’all are making us depressed with malicious intent and purpose – so we’ll “get a job” and “see a therapist” – something must be wrong – we cry and boys don’t. Ohh boo
90% of all murders happen by men.
Please keep pissing me off
P.S. the jobs and medications to keep me asleep while you live a double and triple evil life – no longer work
Maybe you should have treated ALL WOMEN with respect, not just the prostitutes you’re “in love with” according to the latest studies “most men want love with a prostitute”
*throws up
Fuck you
Cut me off again
I double dare you
P.S.S. That’s TWO days in a row I’ve had the cops threatened on me.
P.S.S.S. Might be meeting my future husband soon and getting a new home. Do you think I’ll get visitation?
I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND – is going to be my answer for everything
*arrives at heaven’s headquarters
“Did you experience joy”
I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND
*at the local hitler hospital deathcamps
“Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal today”
I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND
*at the local coffee shop
“Would you like cream with that”
I DON’T HAVE A HUSBAND
The MRI doc saw me at my worse and noted it wasn’t self-image
After I scolded him for scolding me for making him late for his next appointment with his prostitute (I mean “patient”)
I scolded him for me “not being marriage material” – so I wasn’t worried about making him late
When I don’t even have a husband to go home to…
Caught him trying not to look as I was leaving
All 111 pounds pending surgery (I’m likely not going to get)
I’m gonna start juicing and doing a hardcore regime
When researching, one person beat the odds – but she also had people bringing her vegetables and fruits to encourage her – it took a village – not just her own pocketbook.
Ain’t nobody knocking on my door bringing soup – let alone fresh herbs to juice with so not to die.
I’m getting death threats
(But my doctors do encourage me to stay alive – the male ones anyway)
The females can piss off – they aren’t as smart or empathetic – I hate being under THEIR CARE
HELPS
P.S. don’t try to maintain a schedule – if I pick up on that – I will intentionally make you late lose time/money with the prostitute
I will pick up on it
And now any time he drives to a prostitute, “not marriage material she said”
Some of y’alls addiction’s are costing us
I’m out for revenge
Gonna make you late now everywhere – everyone – everybody
That’s my level of petty
You wanna call the cops on me? Giddyup!
You hate scheduling appointments? Awe. Shame you were such a bitch I’m missing all my classes.
Self help books exist and I can read and do not need a librarian to check out – we got the self checkout system – for once – I can pass go and not pay $200 or look at your face ever again.
I currently can’t contribute to them but I can move them around and they are EARNING intrest
I’m not working currently but I could move them to an outside 401K or IRA
I have them nestled in a “safe” zone and I thought I had drained them and closed them – I had not :p
I had a weird lesson yesterday while waiting on the cops to show up for me – whom never arrived – even after waiting ten minutes in the parking lot – driving off a few blocks – returning and beeping my horn – still no cops – dern.
My future husband may be a cop – and cuffing me would only turn me on – as I’m dead inside with no adrenaline glands to tease me
So please – do as you say you will do – and call
(I did in fact see one turn and head that direction – just like in a video game – I thought – I’m playing real life – the heat is on – retreat.)
But in the games I have adrenaline.
I’m too calm taming the beast.
All these NPC’s getting in the way of my big mission
Cuz I came home and discovered I ain’t broke entirely
I could start the process to withdraw my money – at a 20% taxed penalty.
Or, move my funds into a “high risk” fund.
Maybe start with the smaller account, play around with him first.
I have nearly $12K
One with over 10k (big heart eyes) and one with over 1K (big heart eyes)
Money should make me feel something but it never has
I’m careless spending
I took a loan on it during my transition – thought I pulled it all – apparently I set myself up for success during my fall
AMAZING GOOD GIRL
I do want to take a financial class and I hope my next book I check out will be Americanized and not British – as the book I checked out was all about pounds (it did not say this anywhere on the cover or insert, only in the preface you cunt) – they (the brits) get to sit down on the job – life is different for them – and how they earn thus save. Fuck off, book returned partially read.
I will sign up for free financial assistance – they offer the vets this – fuck us up the ass but say “don’t worry, we offer free advising”
Sign me up
I’m paying attention this time
I still need a husband to manage my finances
I won’t have a husband cuz he’ll message “he’s running late” and I’ll demand a divorce since he’s “seeing a prostitute”
A Skype call will come in 2 minutes later where an entire team will yell “he’s madly in love with you” and he’ll come through the door with chocolate edible roses after the meeting
Since he humiliated me with the Skype call – had me red blushing – the whole office laughing
In 2018 the judge didn’t want to speak to me “until I took three breaths” because “I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind us” and I told her my parents didn’t teach me about credit or those kinds of monsters under my bed – she said hers did and she still messed up
But I thought I drained my retirement savings “staying afloat”
BB had on a life jacket apparently
So I called this morning, “I don’t know why I created a new account when there’s no money in it and I can’t do anything with it”
Well, turns out, I do have money – in two accounts – both earning – they can be moved to other funds (some safe, some risky) or moved to an outside 401/IRA.
If I start work again, I can contribute to them (disabled not obsolete)
I could take it all out right now and buy some land or a home
I’m done pawning things and selling things
I have a “savings problem” just like China (it creates inflation)
Monkey see, monkey do
I urge you to start saving too
Let the window clerk quietly quitting give you the fuel you need
Pick up that dirty money on the ground
I may pick up the lost dirty money but I don’t steal tip money you fucking cunt
Let that be the cue you need to quit spending thousands of dollars on weed that don’t work
The audacity
I am not your sanctuary for healing after you’ve committed a bad deed
My soul has boundaries
My thoughts too
I didn’t tell my sister goodbye when she was dying at age 45
So please, call the cops on me after you’ve insulted me multiple times, I will wait
My future husband may be arriving to arrest me
Maybe I will feel something
Uhm, I’m not as broke as I thought I was!?!
I woke up in a different timeline again
Where I have some retirement investments still – despite the Great Economic fall – I had a lifeline
“Life Jackets worn – nobody mourns” HOOAH
I am a wild anomaly
Still might be homeless soon – can’t have a feeling – but definitely be needing that new carpet if I inhabit these grounds another year
Apparently hotel living can cost about as much as a rental each month – but it may include coffee and zero commitment
Now might be a good time to chill out and not get arrested
It’s just, I’m feeling what Edgar felt and responding accordingly
Sure I look like a crazy wild ape, but they need to learn a lesson
God saw what he needed to see
I would have died with thousands of dollars I had completely forgotten about
LAUGHS
What other gold have I hidden in society
It’s been earning me interest all these years
I think it’s important to discuss savings – so many out here struggling for various reasons
I thought I had lost it all
I have over ten thousand dollars in my one fund (not bragging, many years of investing into my fund through hard work) (getting up them early hours) (staying late) (pulling 60/90 hour work weeks)
Working 12 days straight in a row every month – without a day off – for nearly 8 years
And y’all complain when you go a week…
I worked the other weeks in the month too – just with a weekend off or two
I’m exhausted and disabled
But glad you don’t have to worry about quality control or ethics at your job – I’m done supporting society
And you want your tip first – giveme giveme giveme
Fuck you – I’m not tipping you so you can go get a hand job before you even bring me my meal
So the front office approved my new carpet request for renewal – but the replacement is closer to April – my renewal time.
I also have to vacate for a few days – I requested new paint too – but the carpet was the big ticket item I was fighting for – and won. Don’t have to pay anything to have it replaced, so if they don’t paint, I can do that myself. I forgot to ask about the walls, the carpet was the main thing.
I literally would not renew without fresh carpet.
I’m going on six years here.
And, a bunch of units will be vacant soon – and redone – they are letting go of residents apparently. In my building.
New neighbors, new carpet, maybe another lease renewal. I mean, my carpet was approved.
New paint on the walls.
New lighting.
Clean space.
Sanitized.
Do I want out of this God forsaken city? Yes.
Do I want to be homeless? No.
Moving is extremely challenging currently – in an inflated economy – when literally no one returns your calls or emails.
Meanwhile, the place I live has a SIX MONTH waiting list.
And – I’m under a homeowner buy program, I’d be giving up several years progress of that.
I have a COE through my military service – an incentive I earned.
Checking out financing books at the library, gonna take advantage of the tools offered to vets for “financial counseling”, basically starting over.
Right now it’s planning and prep for starting over.
And, there’s big pieces of furniture to be junked – but the junk removal wanted to charge me $300 to remove maybe half a truck load – of not actual junk.
I’ll ask around the neighborhood if anyone wants a recliner leather couch (they will) or a glass table (likely so – that bitch weighs over 500 pounds)
I WANT NEW CARPET – I fought for it – the manager said it’s coming in like a month and a half – plus fairly certain she got me the fresh paint request too!
I’m basically getting new grounds without leaving my grounds – but temporarily vacating for a few says – while maintenance does repairs!
So I’m working on getting everything cleared out!!!!!
I also found out today that I am marriage material – while fighting with my doc
I just got back from an MRI
My doctor complained he’s got to stay over with his other patient because I squirmed and we had to reimage around 15 minutes worth – setting him behind
I said “oh boo”
“I’m dying. The immigrants stole my job, and I’m not even marriage material. So I got more things to complain about”
My doc undoing my IV
“Why do you think you’re not marriage material” (he doesn’t let me answer)
“Well if you think it’s self-image, you’re wrong”
This was the end session
But during the screening he mentioned I was “fairly young” and then “young still” a couple more times
Also when I had to put on scrubs, they barely fit I’m so petite, I complained
He mentioned it was good, lots of “400 pound vets”
So I got a few things going for me still apparently (I’m doing an AAR – leave me alone)
1. I’m fairly young still
2. I’m petite
3. I am marriage material
That’s in scrubs that don’t fit, no makeup, oily hair (it’s being treated so it’s actually clean – I’m deep cleaning my entire existence lol)
Yesterday my physical therapist doctor couldn’t keep his hands off (his job – stop hating just cuz it felt good)
“Bro, why did you execute your wife”
“I didn’t like how the doctor was doing his job”
I must be a nice of fresh air from all the sickly dying vets
My sick and dying is still marriage material
I don’t know how someone pending surgery is marriage material but tis is…
He said “fairly young” but I reminded him I’m still ovulating and trying to “protect the goods” despite “getting on up there”
He was so trying to not look through his peripheral vision as I was leaving bless
I yelled at my doctor for making him late and not being marriage material – but he disagreed
I found out today that I’m getting new carpet and marriage material
I want some new tattoos
Warrior’s get knocked down – and ye I’m pending dying one day – but I ain’t in a wheelchair yet
I overheard one doc telling his patient “but you gotta stop drinking” (he won’t) but mine was high-fiving me and today another doc said I am marriage material
That’s what THE HAND implied
I long for a husband lol
Not one “running late to see his prostitutes”
HONEY WORK CALLS
And they all busy with the kids..
No, get yer ass home!
That fucking hand
And the dream wasn’t even sexual you psychopath
You were just waiting for me to fuck up – *rolls eyes*
I am trying to fix my self-image – apparently it’s destroyed – I need new carpet and a tattoo.
I’m probably juicing instead of surgery but holistic things cost a lot in an inflated market
I didn’t think I had any worth – but I got my 20 minutes in of rebounding today.
Small white girls are incredibly exotic
And desired
I’m not even wearing earrings anymore
I have freckles and bags and worry lines
My peach must be made of platinum – atomic number 78 – and the year I was born
I want a new blog
But then, there’s contending with the “rules for thee, not for me” agenda everywhere I go
You read through the fine print?
We can change whatever we want – whenever we want – we don’t have to notify you
I can’t even delete my PS Sony account – like wtf
I thought I was swearing off men forever – not all women are gold-diggers, or cheaters.
And I’d like to help some of those 400 pound vets not die
From their inflictions and addictions
Rebounding is saving my life
I was always in a leadership role
I need to find purpose with my life again
I just want updated things! I was completely left behind in society!!!!! I’m allowed to complain!!! Stop silencing me! The complaint wasn’t about you or us!
I think you threw away whatever you threw away despite me trying to get you to move to my free account (now deleted)
“I don’t understand metaphor”
Whatever helps you sleep at night
For me, new carpet would help. I’d sleep on it. Instead of this terrible bed!
It’s going in the trash bin!
Like everything in my life!!!!!!
Selling the ps4 and games at the pawn soon!!!!
Gonna cost nearly $200 for a 3 year commitment to a new blog, but generally $150 annually.
Even tho – most of the big cats have taken all the traffic.
We’re paying to chase our tails
I just wanna write!
It’s ridiculous I gotta pay extra to hide my identity from the web!
“Privacy protection”
SCREAMS
And I went to Aldi for the first time – with a brain injury – unprepared
I want my own fucking yard
I don’t know how I’m asking for much
The library hooked me up with some seeds
I have 8 or 9 new seeds to grow things in my windowsill or whatnot
Books checked out from the library
Apparently men are still interested in women my age – despite looking like Edgar Allan Poe did 5 minutes before he died.
It’s very important to me to keep writing – God knows why (I wish he’d let me know)
I can’t just buy a domain anymore and hook it to a blog – you gotta get a plan – blah blah blah
But I already have a new identity
Bet I made the doc late for his dinner with his prostitute – or maybe he reserves Friday nights for “the wife”
I like that we both yelled at each other but didn’t get mad
He still thought I was marriage material after scolding him for making him late for his next patient
I’m so much drama in such a small frame
Need a hubby…
But he’ll divorce me because I told the doctor “yes that feels good”
I bought cabbage and stuff to make soup
They threw enough “energy” at me to “heat things up” and energy is radiation I think – had enough so getting offline now
Gonna be easier to let more things go tomorrow – knowing the new carpet is coming soon – getting my little apartment redone – might can survive the rest of the apocalypse
Keep praying for me…
Trying to get back on my feet
Not a wheelchair – and I’m happy for those who get the new top of the line ones!!!!
Not all disabilities are visible!!
The only way I’d sign another year lease here – was to get the carpet replaced
Physical therapy has been scheduled for once weekly
So many vets coughing and being issued “Cadillac” wheelchairs – top of the line deathbeds – meanwhile – my new doctor is high-fiving me every step of the way – got knocked down – don’t intend to stay down.
Also – he was impressed with my rebounding results – and we’re focusing on core strength and conditioning – as well as stretching exercises.
There’s a program I was emailed – already downloaded the app *sigh* but my doc can keep up with my progress. You earn achievements.
It’s better than a coffin in the ground.
Those Cadillac wheelchairs swivel, the seats. But it’s not enough incentive for me to die.
Walking cane is a weapon, I told the front desk jokingly. He concurred.
Cute psychotic homicidal bitch.
Love two boys exactly the same.
They both ghosted me.
Too much woman all petite
Can’t handle me
I’m still recovering from not dying
18 months in…
Doc was impressed with my quads
Tough little bitch
Told him “ten minutes a day” and I’m up to twenty – but ten is all you need
He said he had 4 girls
Bet he’s gonna get his wife rebounding and the fam 🙂
He got on his computer, “this is what you use”
“Yep, one of them. Mine’s a Gold Gym – does the trick – but they got some costing a grand”
The fact that he looked up a rebounder tho 🙂
Cuz the peach is looking rump – it works the core – no need for high jumps or tricks – it’s resistance training – and my heart is responding really well – there’s zero impact to your joints – doesn’t upset my bones – and my physical therapist doctor did not instruct me to stop – and I appreciate he checked to understand the equipment I was using to get well.
But the peach 🙂
Also, despite the protein increase intake, I am 111 pounds.
When laying on my stomach, my peach is peachy – round rump
Gotta keep going
He said, “you go 20 without stopping”
And I said “yep”
But explained how I had to work up to those minutes.
2 minutes to start, then 5.
10 a day is all you need – I’m mostly 20. But do take an occasional rest day – and not fret.
I mark my calendar now, with the minutes jumped
Every step counts
My fucking heart hurts and it’s hard to breathe
But he taught me new stretches that actually help.
Got a good team now. Trying to be present.
The clerk made me a coffee before I left. From their personal stash. He poured a shit ton of cream in. He had the good stuff. LOL
Anyhoo
Would be hardluck dating currently
“No sorry, busy that day”
And to find out it’s because I’m actually metamorphosing or something
Or that I have a crush with my doctor
But then – I have a crush on too many men – and it seems to get me in trouble
(I don’t actually have a crush on him but he was cute despite his mask on)
I’m professional. Chill.
Yesterday. All I saw was a white hand signaling me to cross – his SUV completely darkened – broad day – all I saw was a hand – it was just HOW he extended his hand for me to cross – the way it went down flat – in slow mo – as not to rush me – tho it takes trust obviously for these psychopaths not to run me over.
He liked my leggings presumably.
Even had a lady compliment me about them at the library
I was in such a depressed monotone state too – my attempt at being social felt awkward – like why did I have to speak other than “thank you”
“I got them at the mall” – as if only poor people dress like me (I’m self-loathing but looking hella cute)
But she wanted to know which store
“One of them seasonal shops in the middle, today is the last day”
Anyhoo – the way for him to signal for me to cross – like I had worth
Despite the cheap sandals
It requires effort and work to look like a professional fuck up
You don’t get a peach like this just being skinny
The quads are getting thick
The doc pointed out the strength
“The rebounding”, I exclaimed!
Been hard at it this year daily effort – and to be 20 minutes a day – still feeling the burn – but not needing to break for water…
You don’t need to spend loads of money getting equipment
I asked should I wear a belt or not
He advised against it, saying it makes the muscles “not need to work”
But he might be ordering me a ball (can’t remember the correct term) and some other thangs – just stated he didn’t want to overload me
Road to recovery continues
Need my mental health to catch up to my peach – heart still needs mending
Embarrassing, at my young age, got cardiopulmonary visits to attend
Told him, “those fucking vaccines”
“Crawled into the second one the way John Jones kept crawling into that hole”
So – he needed to know the condition of my heart before we proceeded with whatever we we’re going to do
He really improved my breathing with those stretches – love the detailed plan that was sent over – got some good doctors still
He didn’t have to order me a wheelchair, I got several high-fives, there may be hope for me yet 🙂
“After you” is all the hand implied
These fuckers are one pedal away from crazy, and I even crazier with the trust it takes to cross the street – or a running vehicle signaling me to go
But he was going so fast you know, I was willing to wait
“The hand” insisted with its one sweep
Couldn’t even see a face – so hidden
No point in looking back – windows blacked out
He was in a hurry to get where he needed to go – until I had to cross
Probably liked the leggings…
I’m basic and boring but like not
Top of the tier white trash
They forget they have yellow fever when they see me
I told my therapist that I did in fact have a plan b, but I wasn’t sure if it fell under planning, told her I have a mantra and motto now, “suicide is humane” but that I got my library card instead of a gun – and I graduated to another group class – this one 8 weeks long.
I’m like, “can we at least wait until I find out if I’m homeless or not” and so that was pushed back to April thankfully (the classes)
I sat there holding that extra calendar this morning, until God said “someone will need it” and I felt so awkward taking one solo calendar in – to place where other free shit normally is – only nothing was there – and I only had the one calendar to give – and a month has already passed, plus we’re day 2 February, but God said…
And not even 7:30 am some distressed vet at the front desk asking if they happened to have any calendars left – and they did not
And I told him loudly, “well God told me someone would be needing one, and I sat one down at the entrance if it is still there” – he hurried off
I thought, “he’ll return if he got it and let me know”
He fucking got it and was still reading it AFTER I went in and exited my appointment
Bless
Someone in fact did need a calendar
Two days into February…
God gives me assignments that make me feel awkward but I do them anyway…
People notice when I’m in a room
Or outside…
Am I too proud?
I certainly don’t look it with my head down
Even when my hair is untamed and a rope hanging round my neck – I swear – they see something I don’t
HIS HAND
My God – I’ll be dreaming of it and my future boyfriend will ghost me because of it
I’m told I’ll be getting a renewal invite to remain at the heart of darkness.
It’s been nearly one year since that couple was gutted in the street – by a black immigrant – simply because they were “white” – and now they’re dead – and he gets 3 meals a day, a free roof over his head, dental, and an HOUR of sunshine for his MENTAL HEALTH – on us (the tax slave payers dollars = time/energy)
The political thugs in gold chains now want your signature – soliciting anywhere they legally can: the library, the mall, the medicinal shops.
Overjoyed.
I don’t know where I’m going – but I don’t have to prove anything to “remain here” as I’ve been stuck in purgatory so long now – I don’t have to provide any evidence of my existence.
Just keep paying the rent….
Do as say
But I yelled at the boomer Publix employee, “no bitch, you lost a fucking customer FOREVERRrrr”
Apparently we became a cashless society and she felt the need to rub it in, three times, scolding me in front of everyone around, my cash in hand, unable to pay.
“It says it right there” (honestly, you only need to point out my failure ONCE)
I’ve boycotted Publix forever
There’s poison and sugar and “natural flavor” in everything now anyway
“How did she die”
“Starved to death…”
“White people work out one time and be skinny” (latest neighborhood report on me)
The upside: they think I’ve only worked out once. Skinny. Weak bitch.
Let that be my fucking gain
In fact, at Burger King yesterday, the Mexican manager came out with two of her BLM pimps, when I told her to “step outside”
He was very upset when he heard me say, “oh you had to bring your pimps with you huh”
Very upset he got
Truth in fact hurts
I drove off too calm
The adrenal glands were not working
Even pulling off
“I’m too calm”
“Had to bring your pimps huh” I continue to yell, as traffic at the window was at a stop
They gonna run off all their white costumers with their terrible service
I ordered the “impossible king” and apparently that’s too complicated for certain species to get right
Though I repeated my order THREE times
Fuck it
I like starving anyway
I got my library card tho
And holyshit, that’s where I’ll be at the end of the world
Check the libraries
Leave clues a 5 year old could solve (anything harder and I’ll read the data wrong and wind up stuck in a fucking hole – as is now – with a heart condition – thanks to “television” and government – whom I no longer listen to in any capacity)
At least the library is ad free
I can read in silence
Love the smell of the old books
All them lies
There are perks to not being homeless (yet)
Aside from the thugs trying to solicit my signature in the parking lot – everywhere I go
In their gold chains…
I wanna puke
Stop talking to me
From now on
When someone interrupts whatever I’m doing solo
“Did I give you permission to talk to me”
And the ghosting will begin
And please cross my shadow
I know you’re trying so hard to break me out here
Of being a good Soldier, a good soul
But I swore my hand before the flag and God – and on my heart – and signed the dotted line – took my blood and all – to protect and defend the USA and its citizens – not DEMONS
And right now you stepping all up in the “fine print”
I dated for a lifetime and have nothing to show for it
STOP LOOKING AT ME
I’m ready to spit on these thug politicians in the street
FUCK OFF BRO
You can’t have my signature, my name, or my soul
Go back to your porn and prostitutes
I was trying to enjoy the jazz event – and men breaking their eyeballs to get a look
STOP LOOKING
I had to hold back the tears
Pretend the music was getting to me
Next week I hang with a cop who teaches about a Daytona Beach serial killer
Exciting! They want us living in fear!
Do I want to say yes to the “true encounters Daytona Beach serial killer” event. Yes I do.
I’m not even a jazz fan – but I went – and enjoyed (still cry anywhere)
The audiobook helped me not stalk anyone
But apparently I’m not allowed to order food anymore anywhere
Unless a yuppie place
I found something that sparked joy in me
It matches my values – it offers self-improvement and the entertainment is how it should be – without disruptions or ads
Easy scrolling interface
Eventually I’ll make my way to the science museum
The skate park and rinks
I checked out an express book
I’m 8 chapters in
I’m becoming present – and creating boundaries and discipline
My mind needs exercise – the books provide
The 2 week express lane gives me a challenge
You can’t renew those
I got my library card and it’s bringing me happies – can’t describe
So much to do too – free classes, movies at the auditorium, events…
I was also the youngest person at the jazz event
If you’re thinking about killing yourself – maybe get a library card instead
And be present
Read what you check out
Set time aside to read
Luckily – my first book was large print – that’s made reading a pleasure – no headaches or squinting – though the writer is a pedo – he’s brilliant – it’s no wonder I grabbed his book – of all books on the “new” shelf (express check out and no renewal)
I like all the digital perks that come with my card – as well as the real world perks – and I’m tapping into all
NOT READY TO DIE
But these monsters are ready for me to shed my light
Unfortunately, most animal shelter statistics paint a sad story. Though the progress in the years is evident, there’s plenty that can be done in 2022.
— Read on petpedia.co/animal-shelter-statistics/
Hail Hitler! He’s alive!
I’m old and sick! Euthanize me!!!!!
It’s not 60k annually anymore. The numbers are much much worse.
“Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct”
And children are being conditioned as children to support prostitution and porn. That’s why the divorce rate is 100%!
There are dangers of pornography that ensnare people every day. Knowing those dangers will help us avoid its devastating consequences.
— Read on www.allprodad.com/4-dangers-of-pornography/
The elite are building a society of psychopaths and narcissists period. They serve Satan, Black Holes, Dark suns, worlds, darkness in general, they are demented demons without a soul. They are nihilistic at their core.
Got 1 vape the size of Texas, a 10 pack of indica blueberry edibles, and 7g worth of “premium ground”
Back home – hit the pen twice – feel the happies
I arrived “can you check my pen, I don’t know if it’s charging/working or in my head”
Gave myself 3 options tho
1. Cold cut quit (aggressive)
2. Not renew my state license in April – ween myself – slow quit
3. Not quit – pay the ridiculous fees – to maintain
4. Vote for recreational (nope, you’ll have to cut my dick off before I ever get out again and vote)
Look where voting for medicinal got me: an addiction
Prior to the government getting involved, weed never gave me no kind of addiction
Unless you count the feel goods
I’m literally more motivated on it
Suddenly, with my new flock of bird neighbors – and the medicinal two toke hit after several days none, I feel like I could clean up the slums
There’s a Gold’s Gym down the road – could like join
I’ll have to disassociate from dudes watching me
I think the guy at the shop is into me
Not sure how I wound up with six bucks back but took my buck and he was like “you got another five”
I only took X amount of cash in to avoid overspending
But between the 50% off deals + another military discount + more cash back than I had calculated, I’m square
Paid like 40 bucks or something
Also, the blueberry eddies are 10mg pieces, so I’ll be eating one with my dinner / evening bath
Not smoking to disassociate, just to function :p
I’m at a crossroads in my life
I decided to throw everything overboard!
I may jump!
Not to die!
To jump ship!
It’s terribly hard being autistic and suicidal: “how yah doing today”
“I ain’t looking for a bridge to leap, and the sun is out!”
Politically probably not correct but honest to the core
The other customer was listening to me order and him give me all kinds of recommendations lol
“I haven’t slept in 3 days and sometimes I just need a sativa”
I think he pretty much ordered everything – I went in as a walk-in
But he seems keen to service me
And she was like “sorry for listening” lol
But I was trying to hurry cuz others arrived and I even offered to get out of line – anyhoo – he listened to what I needed – his suggestions were good – including where I could buy a decent pipe to smoke the flower, cuz the shop I went to sold me a non working glass pipe – and I love wasting my money
Right now I got rice papers from the medicinal shop – and those were tricky to learn – but they are slow burning – and aren’t as strong (very smooth paper but probably poisoned)
Like I registered to vote for recreational a couple months back – but that was before my meltdown
I’m having a midlife crisis
Right now I’m sitting on clean linen and thinking I might could manage this dump a bit longer – if it means land for me in the future
If I were to renew, I’d want fresh paint and carpet.
I mean, the apartment is nearly empty and I’d pay them an extra $200 to lay some fresh paint
(The carpet would need to be a free replacement as part of the renewal agreement – especially as long as I’ve been here – and the COVID pandemic)
This isn’t a good time to be homeless
People aren’t returning emails or phone calls about places I wanna live
And “Astoria” was a big mistake
I don’t want anywhere near this county or HollyWood
I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m going to do
I have a very busy day doing real world stuff
I hate real world and would rather disassociate
Because people are involved
And I have to be civil
I identify as Angelic and this is spiritual warfare
I’m like fight mode 24/7
The birds moved near me
It’s changing me
I don’t disassociate making content and I wanna get in the headspace to get back at it
I’ve been self-loathing
But also working out – I wanna get the peach in shape
The boobs need a little weight
Half my kitchen was donated or trashed
Some is packed – it might get trashed too
Pantry is empty
Everything is on the table remaining
The lease is up in April
There’s been no invite to renew yet nor have I given any 60 day warning
Don’t know what month to month rent would cost (like if I needed an extra 2 or 3 months to find my new home) (and stay without a 12 month lease) (if they still do that the costs go up)
I don’t want to be homeless dying
My bathtub is good enough
As far as rebuilding my financial wealth – I’m working on it
The little cushion I have, doesn’t go far in a 40% inflated economy – realistically – and per research
If I could get to a gym – and get outside these walls
I’m just re-inventing myself – even if to start fresh
I need a sterilized and stable foundation
I prayed to God “I need to be closer to Pretty Bird” and he sent me a flock
Swear to fuck
Clean bed sheets tonight
Weed
I have to be careful with this new age shit, it can trigger my ptsd and suicidal ideation
Sometimes you need to take a break and let other people order for you
I don’t really want folks offing themselves – I say terrible things – I’ve slept with the devil
God knows I sinned
I tell him often I’m not worth anything – while begging “don’t let me die here”
It’s complicated
I’m hungry
Food is good
I have leftover soup and bread
I’m trying to find my place in this world – and balance
I’m a Soldier, I like working out – but now I do things differently since I’m at risk of ASDS
So proud of myself for finally reaching my ten minute rebound goals this week
And then 20… 🙂
I’m glad people notice my efforts in the real world – I’m sensitive about my skin scars and stretchmarks tho
Don’t mind my giggly boobs but they need some foods (been ill but also working out and detoxed too)
Got down to 110 in fact, now putting the weight back on
Was 112 last at the VA (will check soon)
Been several weeks tho and I’ve been rebounding most of January 🙂
I’m starting to see thick in the front – like the quad maybe or thigh area
My leg muscles are forming more and tight
My stomach is pretty flat but could be better
I want more tattoos 🙂
Would help make the new me 🙂
Something feminine and cliche
Flowers
Wouldn’t mind some tasteful flowers on my hip area but I gotta find a real artist
I don’t want to decide what will look good on me and the exact spot
Like bro, do your fucking job
I need to hire a decorator for my new lifestyle
I’m a Soldier and poet
I know war and I know words (terribly)
These days it’s the algorithm fucking me up 95% of the time
I miss being a Soldier
I miss my comrades
Gift giving is the heart of tribal union – exchanging gifts. Now I know why I do this.
It’s not my fault others think it’s “too much” or never return anything. I wasn’t in it for returns.
I give because I want to
It’s tribal
I have the eldest and rarest bloodtype – with only 6-11% of the population having it
Seeing a sex worker for the first time is one of life’s greatest thrills. But it comes with a bit of a learning curve. If this is a recent hobby, you may have noticed two of the most common phrases in the escort industry: ‘girlfriend experience’ (GFE) and ‘porn star experience’ (PSE).
— Read on tryst.link/blog/girlfriend-experience-and-porn-star-experience-the-facts-vs-the-myths/amp/
“Life’s greatest thrills” huh!
Regular women should stop having sex with men. Let them pay for it forever more, the fantasy! They’re so bored with us anyway. They don’t want sensual sex. That isn’t what the porn industry conditions them to do, nor the prostitutes.
And it states right here, “porn isn’t real. Big dicks and endless sex isn’t real”. “You have to treat your PSE professionally”
Meanwhile the divorce rate is over 85%
I feel I was left behind sexually.
The only justice is knowing these prostitutes are actually miserable and disassociating while performing sex work. It’s fake fantasy. Delusions of grandeur. Unrealistic.
But the money is under the table and tax free and many men go during “working hours”
So I’m no longer looking at man in the real world – in any capacity
They’re in-love with the porn stars and prostitutes (according to scientific studies)
Except, it’s not real.
The prostitutes – according to studies – create alternative personas while doing sex work – causes negative mental health – and men do not need to be tested for STD or STI – even though they are the silent carriers – often without any signs or symptoms – which can lay dormant for years – and parasites and cancer can be spread from semem, as well as simple skin-to-skin contact.
I’ve shared every study backing this up.
The prostitutes “rub their back” before doing sex work – and they do not use the same style to connect in their personal lives – they make up personas to get through the sex work – many were abused as children, forced into sex work.
Prostitution is a direct link to sex trafficking – making prostitution legal creates MORE human trafficking – which they now have undeniable proof of.
Many countries have made prostitution legal, while other countries have made it illegal but still sell sex via entertainment – creating street hookers, violence, and other negative social impacts. The doors to America remain open for sex trafficking.
Furthermore, the divorce rate is over 85%.
Prostitutes do not “enjoy” their line of work – disassociating from what they do – separating personal life from work – over 75% remain “single” and “would never marry the men they service” – even though they program them to love them (some maintaining sex relations with “repeat customers for years”)
And the fact that they can’t fall in love or show signs – makes it more exciting to them
They walk in with their dicks hard and ballsack full – ready to shoot them their biggest load
These prostitutes don’t even like the line of work
Porn and prostitution is creating monsters in a soulless society
Women and children at home – suffer extreme abuse
Porn isn’t real – it’s fantasy football. It’s soap operas in the nude on repeat. Porn stars fucking themselves in the ass with a wine bottle for decades – then taking a drink
Same story over and over
And the men get hooked as CHILDREN – many get into porn and prostitution by their own fathers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They have brain rot! Their primal side of the brain is activated – hence all the crime!!!!!!!!!
It’s the devil!
They’re selling sex toys at the mall and Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, Dolls Kill, and many more! It’s not behind a curtain!!!
It’s a society of sickness
Our very foundation is built on a sin and lie
All so men can go to war in exotic lands and experience exotic women – while the wives are at home
It’s turned into a well-oiled beast
It’s demon vs human down here (likely opinion but I identify as Angel Baby)
They say in the press that “narcissism is rare” but it’s actually a plague
They say psychopaths “are born” but a “narcissist is made”
Yeah, and it starts in the Bible (narcissism is throughout), with porn and prostitution
Big government is to blame
“The sins of the father”
Apparently you will experience 3 deaths: one when you die, the second when you are buried, and third and finally, the last time your name is ever said.
I’ll probably wind back in “Misery” because there’s only one person I want to see me dead – or bury me.
So if I wind up in his yard half-alive, it won’t be long. I will likely be nude – like our dear Edgar, to keep with tradition
Don’t make fun of my emaciated frame
You don’t know what holes I crawled out to get here
I was reaching depth blackout – but I am slowly retreating – and repenting these days – I think that’s what the holes in the wall mean – repentance and awakening
God put me down here on this earth to judge you
Taking my freedom of speech – silencing me from atrocities – will not stop me from truthmonging
But I’m still a woman with needs unmet, with a private strip club, where the devil is kept (poetry)
LAUGHS
Apparently it’s not a good time to move but I feel I will die if I stay here (it’s not just a “feeling”, there are many red flags)
90% of all homicide happen by men (verifiable)
Since 1970 68% of all life has gone extinct (verifiable)
We are in a 6th mass extinction (verifiable) (over never ending porn, prostitution, sex trafficking over 6000 years)
The leaders running things serve Luci
Apparently I was right about the enemy in the White House because the females are upset the law was changed (mostly voted in by men) – that they cannot show their shoulders
LAUGHS
They kept fucking with the female Soldiers changing the regulations telling us how to wear our hair, nails, makeup. I got out.
It was already strict when I swore my life to “America and our way of life” – which has been completely destroyed by immigration
Had no idea the waters I was swimming in
I had no idea the seabed could drag you down due to gravity – and with the pressure of the ocean above – you sink quickly
They are turning Florida into Dubai – but FL is limestone – and sinking – so not a good idea
The floods, the condos collapsing, I ain’t all talk
You have to turn it off if you want to change
I know you think you want how you are – but I don’t buy it
You have to remove predictive programming
I never said it was easy
I’m done supporting toxic masculinity society
I just still have hope I might get through to someone – who might change for the better
As far as the hypocrisy of doing nude art, I’m not compromising my soul, I find it therapeutic, I’m not disassociating to make photography or poetry
At the moment I’m overcoming dying and a major illness – heart inflammation and depression
I’m barely working or putting out content unless you count my blog work – and WordPress says I’m on a 19 day streak or something
I’m also in the middle of getting rid of everything I own – either in an attempt to save my life or end it
The odds are set
I’m just awaiting the verdict
And if I’m gonna be “responsive or reactive”
Don’t judge me
That’s my job, that’s what God put me here to do (potentially)
In the court room: “because God ordered me to do it”
The only thing God should be ordering you to do, is “tender mercy” (tho I’m not obliged to be telling him what you outta do)
PoeEternal 