Still detoxing. Still having chest pains. Still emo as fuck. Still up and down with my sister dying a few months ago. Try having your blood sister die while you’re in the middle of a fall out with your entire family so you will never find closure.
Men treat me like a sex object
I’ve never had a father/husband/brother figure
But I’ve had many proposals, “you’ll never have to work again…”
As if, cleaning and cooking isn’t work
Or raising a child, managing a household
As if taking care of a man isn’t a job
“Women got it easy”
And worse, if they think you are pretty, they think everything was handed to you on a silver platter, because beauty bias exists
Furthermore, men don’t want a friendship with me, they want sex. If they aren’t getting sex, they’re good as ghost.
It’s only hell because we’ve been in a 6000-year-old worldwide prison system based on that BOOK
And that same establishment continues to tweak its policies until you’ll believe they are the creator of you, with your OOOH AHHHH Fitbits
They use gaslighting, lovebombing, triangulation to control
With politicians, actors, influencers, teachers, preachers, cops
It’s disgusting
“But if you work hard you can own a home”
That was the Great Lie the Boomer generation sold
Then Ghosted an entire fucking generation after we’ve been the most dedicated, the most hard working, and ORIGINAL
And we watch all the younger generation’s steal our fucking content and give us no credit – and the Boomers reward them with free housing or financial assistance
The rest of us are out here winging it, living on the fucking streets, in our campers, eating one meal a day, so we can buy some fucking land before it’s too late…
Starting communities
I don’t want 5G or anywhere around it
It’s a cancer
Fuck this New Age digital world, I don’t want any part of this future
Where I don’t even have freedom of speech or my art protected
These men preyed and preyed and preyed sexually upon my best friend who died by suicide and she was 13
I’ll never recover
Her birthday was May 1
She died April 7, 1993 (just shy of her 14th birthday)
357 magnum to the head
Lost the last letter she wrote me
But there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her and if I had pictures of her I wouldn’t have them stored away like everybody else who wants to forget her
And Miley Ray Cyrus sounds just like her but Miley Ray Cyrus wasn’t born but we did get to meet her dad together Billy Ray Cyrus so that was pretty fun
Mems.
There’s a picture of them floating around somewhere, not online or anything
We met lots of bands together
Pre cellphone days
I can barely even prove that she existed, there’s just this hole in my gut
They preyed upon me too baby girl
This world is too much
You were so brave
Braver than me
I wish I had your courage to die
The Judge knew I was suicidal in 2018 and wouldn’t even talk to me until I took a few breaths
She said in front of the entire courtroom that I looked like I was about to jump from the bridge behind me
Also, I had a weapon upon arrival that I didn’t know – when trying to enter – and the cop repeated the question 3 times – I laughed – “wait, do I have one?” and I did. A little mini nail file thingy that I got in the mail by the Wounded Warrior project lol
So before I could even go into the courtroom I had to walk my little mini knife all the way back to my vehicle… and then return
And by the time I made it to the Judge – good lord the humility of being sued
By the end of the session we had the entire courtroom laughing, me and the Judge..
She directly explained to me how they could get my money tho… which is untouchable
Like if I wanted to buy a plane ticket right now and just fly somewhere, the government could be like oh no oh no you you fucking owe us some money come here bitch we’re going to take your plane flight
But it must suck for the men who want to prey on me and take my money because I can get married and divorced and they can’t touch it
You can’t touch what I earned but they can keep raising my rent and the food costs… FYI
The suicide rate continues to increase among military and Veterans
Somebody recently sent me 20 bucks and I bought me some medicinals ๐
I know this isn’t my best work, I just woke up crying and I decided to put it into a poem so I just freestyle got this off my chest…
I’m okay ๐๐
Saddest girl in the world (squared)
Side note: I’m making right with my creditors and it was only for a little bit. But they can’t directly dock my check.
Having chest pains + a cup of coffee chocolate cream (vessel constrictor) (caffeine)
Apparently my blog is blowing up and it makes me scared when it blows up when I’m ranting about sensitive topics.
I love you no matter your color
But I’m casting demons back to hell
So ask yourself, are you behaving like a human or a demon?
You can’t even see your own reflection, can you? ๐
Is that why the narcissist stares at himself in that photo? I can’t remember the artist but you know the one. He’s pointing to himself.
Y’all I fell deeper in the rabbit hole
I swear John is down here with me and he’s been fixing my heart
I’m still detoxing every single day and today I managed a small bike ride – but the humidity makes it too hard on me
I’m dying and I can’t contend with the elements
I do really do believe all the weather manipulation going on in Dubai is fucking up the United States
That’s part of the rabbit hole but not the sinister stuff I’m meditating on pulling from the ether
He doesn’t want me to love you (or write you poems)
That’s not the rabbit hole either
I’m not discussing that now
That’ll be in another upcoming late night or early morning rant
If I could learn to segregate my blog from poetry/rants/photography that’d be great
And a contact form
One day I’ll have some spare pennies to make a new website happen
Have all my little ducks in a row
I think that’s the only reason I delete my rants is because I don’t want it to interfere with my poetry but I still need a place where I can express myself and have free speech and the Internet should include free speech
I’ve never denied I wasn’t EMO or dealing with suicidal tendencies and that I use my blog for therapeutic purposes
It’s just – my personality turns people off – they don’t see the writing โ๏ธ
I’m grateful for the tribe I do have – and your patience with me in blogging
Cuz I suck at it
Like die naked on the street insane – kind of suck
I was dark and depressed when I came out of my mom’s evil womb
Her husband/my daddy was fucking me but she swears I am the devil
VICTIM BLAMING
CHRISTIAN HYPOCRITE
Dieeeeeeeeee
I’m trying to find compassion I’m trying to find compassion I’m trying to find compassion
“Why am I upside down”
“Why did you put me here…”
SAME
The things I think about doing to both of them ๐
Find yer zen babe
I gotta go
I gotta detox the Devil outta me
I love these!! ๐
I am so grateful for your visits and chatting with me!
I’m extremely grateful for your compassion towards me when I don’t have it myself
I’m learning to be more compassionate towards all things
It’s not normally immediate
I don’t know what I’m doing out here, that’s why I’m in therapy and practicing mindfulness
I know it takes a lot longer to dispel negative thoughts than it does positive ones and it takes a lot longer to recharge your body
The sun is great for recharging between sunrise and sunset
When I get the Jeep back up and running, I will be back on TikTok going live at the park and at the beach for the sunrise ๐
But people are murdering each other in the streets here
I’m gonna start going live to read my poetry and stuff and I’m terrified to do it but since I’m terrified to leave my house and I’m trying to practice mindfulness and some of y’all have stated you miss me going live, I’m gonna try to do this
My gorgeous microphone from the XMAS holiday still has not been unpacked ๐คช
I definitely don’t look my best dying but I want to do my nails and my pigtails and maybe I’ll start off simple and just record a fucking video because I do have 10 minutes now to play around with…
Sometimes I can write decently… I rarely re-share my own works because I haven’t took a break or stopped writing or fell on writer’s block
But I should re-visit my writings and get them on TikTok so TikTok can threaten to remove all my content and keep me on a low vibrational frequency like all these other apps do… ๏ฟผ
It’s a re-post, so if you want to read the poem, you gotta click that little hyperlink above โ๏ธ
Also, I’m sorry for my terrible behavior in the blogging community, I was full of fucking big Pharma and suicidal
And thus, after a few generations, it’ll be easier to accept that we’re virtual reality and turning us into a walking computer
Because we create our own reality
And you’ll be able to trace technology back to the Asian AI Gods, everyone will worship AI and be further separated from our true creator
A man does not bleed from his legs for a week every month in agony and emotional distress
He does not carry life inside his womb
Nor does he feed another life from the milk created from his breasts
Man has turned everything artificial in an attempt to play the almighty God creator
He’s insane
Wants what we’ve got
When asking a man why he’d like to experience being a woman, the answer is always “multiple orgasms” – it’s disgusting
I’m having difficulty living in any of these realities you force upon me
Men blame women for everything and all species are going extinct
In the name of AI
All hail AI
But so many are incapable of a personality or a soul
So they shame the free thinkers
They call sexually free women whores
Everything has been conditioning so that science can play morals and ethics and come along and say “we’ve got the cure” but they caused the disease ๐ฆ
White people and Native American are being systematically terminated – and they use Black people against us – propaganda – when slavery started in Africa
The Bible is bad – the one that is mass circulated and taught – the one that has been re-written many times
When I was young, “how can they change time”
“How do they know the sun is that far”
Turns out everything has been a lie
And any time I got in the sun with “sun block” I burned – with gaslighting – never do put two and two together
I do not burn in the sun without sunblock ๏ฟผ
The sun is good for you ๐
I also hated eating sugary products for breakfast, I would tell my mother that it made me sick
They also forced me to eat meat when I didn’t want to
“Chicken or beef” they’d say
“But I want the grilled cheese it’s cheaper too”
“Chicken or beef” they’d say
Fucking dictators
I hate this life
There’s no way I chose my family before coming here, there’s no way
It’s been torture
This life
And he condemns me for my food choices when he eats from a cardboard box
It’s unhealthy and those cows are definitely not being treated well – those junk food establishments – they have zero ethics and ensure the animals suffer
But he sits there eating from his box casting his stones
He thinks he’s reached Christ consciousness and he doesn’t even understand compassion for a dying person who should have the obligation and the right to choose how they want to fucking eat ๐
Also, notice how rich people always want things for cheap or free
Free rides, free rent, whatever they can get for free
As long as they don’t have to spend their money
But they will always act like it’s the end of the fucking world anytime something comes up for them and it always turns out that their options are really fucking good
The entire world is lost and I have to just watch the Titanic sink while people are playing music and rescuing gems on boats that could hold and save more people but ewww I would not share a table with her
“But weren’t you just fucking her”
Because men have been conditioned by the porn that they watch day in and day out over decades that women are sex objects only
We’re not entitled to an opinion
I have to bleed every fucking month, in pain, it’s fucking painful
Growing a baby inside you is painful
Birthing a baby is excruciating
Breastfeeding is challenging, painful for the first couple weeks, and not easy. The percentage of women who breastfeed at all is low – and now the establishment are saying that breastfeeding is unnatural and causes mistrust within the government
GET IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
I’m sorry you hate your life and blame us for your existence but this abuse has to stop!!!!
Our society can heal if we turn off the television!!!!!
Stop listening to the bullshite!!!
Stop putting money on the tray at church!!!
Get to know your local community!
Grow and share food!!!!
We can thrive!!!!
I’m sorry you’ll be bored doing stuff we were born to do, get over it!!!!!
I’m sorry you’re not as handsome or charming to find love as others. It’s bullshite! Learn to be a human instead of a monster!!!!
They’re just jealous of things they can’t have so wanna keep others from having it!
Narcissism is a plague!!!!
I can’t stand the now we live in! I can’t stand the future!!
I’m trying not to die by my own hand in this hell!
You’re all insane!!!
You don’t live in reality
I don’t care about the double slit experiment! It’s conditioning for cloning – for human hybrid AI
You’re not a computer!
It will damage your real CPU!
Please wake up now!!!!! My soul is screaming from the ether!!!!!! I produce eggs!!!! I’m alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My God does not come from the Middle East!!!!!
I’m sick of hearing about China this and China that!!!!
Let us all live in peace!!
Black, brown, and white bear’s exists! Deal with it!!! We’re all special!!!! Your powers are being suppressed!!!
I don’t even know how to be a hunter/gatherer! I’d probably eat the wrong herb!
None of us are living up to our potential
Living through a monitor!!!!!
They’re making us sick intentionally!
Psychopaths
One bad apple spoils the bunch
It’s lazy parenting if you let your child watch toxic TV and play video games constantly
I wouldn’t even want to teach my child what they are teaching them in school
They were teaching my child how to twerk on stage when she was 8
I pulled her from the lesson and the show, I was appalled
It’s just gonna keep going on, we aren’t punishing or removing the bad seeds, we’re birthing them
The criminals are on top
And quite frankly I’m tired of fighting, I’m ready to go live in the woods, I don’t need a government or a piece of paper to tell me that I’m allowed to grow food or to build shelter, or to use solar
I’m sick of the narcissism and dictatorship
I’m still detoxing and putting up the good fight
I’m on a new mission to learn how to control my crying and angry spells
Like, I need to go into automatic shut down mode if/when triggered
I am organic and real
I am capable of creating life
Many women have been programmed to remove their organs, their breasts, their ovaries, or popping birth control or having their tubes tied – which all causes premature aging – as well as all the “anti aging” products they buy – it ages you
The FDA has been compromised, the CDC, the WhiteHouse, we have more than a mole
I knew English before I was born, I understood language and energy and mood
I could hear my mom, my sister, my father scheming
I was depressed before I was born
I HATED BEING IN MY MOTHERS WOMB
She was a terrible mother and my father a monster
They’re both monsters, I came from monsters
Civilized monsters under the guise of Christianity
Image is so important to these monsters
But they don’t have a soul inside, they’re possessed by the Devil and they choose to be who they are
Half the amenities where I live do not work but the rent continues to go up and they continue to list these amenities as a incentive to rent/live here
“They won’t do anything about it”, the establishment’s motto
By law, we should be able to withhold our rent until they fix these things
I know I’m not the only one experiencing this where I live
It’s listed, the rent goes up, nothing gets fixed. The front gate, the exercise equipment, the carwash, the recycling, still listed, rent goes up, not working (and I’ve been here 5 years now and it’s still not fixed)
The establishment are greedy and lazy
I don’t want to fund their bullshite anymore
We need to boycott all the major big names and corporations
Celebrities and influencers are not worth worshiping
I’m going to continue fixing my credit so that I can play the game and buy a house if I don’t die before then (I’m begging and praying to God daily for protection vibes)
Man has made life so very depressing and agonizing that an invisible entity is better than he
DO BETTER
I’m gonna be spending most of my time riding, instead of utilizing this crappy gym. The piece of equipment I wanted to use for booty gains, is still non-working after 5 years. I’m not ready to leg, arm, and bench press.
I want a cute, feminine figure. I don’t want big bulky looking man’s body like Britney Spears. She’s training with her dude and doing what he does and everything she wears is a selling point for the gays!! The gays!!!! What about me!!!! See me!!! It’s okay to be gay!!!! We love women!!!! *snickers evilly and stuffs tampons up ass for pleasure*
Religion and LGBT is a cult! Politics and Hollywood too! I said it, fight me!!!
P.S. China censors their people from the US. They’d be appalled if they knew… but maybe they do.
My American Chinese doctor was very interested in my detox, he wrote down specifically the Black Walnut Wormwood. The only thing he wrote down during the session. THE ONLY THING
He’s also sending a team out to me since I can’t get to them
He did not tell me to stop or reduce my detox
That’s an ancient remedy right there
I gotta stock up before the establishment poison it or change the formula
You’re right, I’m terrible with secrets and I can’t blame PayPal this time (tho we should sue)
Byeeeeee
P.S.S. I wholeheartedly believe I jumped into this timeline during that crazy storm, it struck my vehicle and one of the hands of lightning touched my elbow
I FELT THE BURN FOR DAYS – there was no physical burn
I FELT IT
GOD TOUCHED ME
HE WAS LIKE HEYYYYYY
I spent days researching electrical discharges
It’s pure energy
IT WAS SO LOUD!!!! AND BRIGHT!!!
They’re gonna have y’all believing you can go through portals at CERN. In given time, they’ll sacrifice you to the singularity and upload you into the METAVERSE.
I’m beyond sick at society and “entertainment”. They’re turning the Matrix into reality in the name of science!
When a demon tries to have a conversation with an angel about the future or the second coming – race division is already here – there are only 2 races in this timeline – human or demon.
Welp, and the fallen (the Devil & his minions)
And God’s warriors
Cuz not all are bad
Jesus would share a meal with me and a fucking bed ๐
God don’t even need an invitation ๐
They can come on in ๐
I hope you’re aware that the book was written by the devils in charge and it’s very satanic and you should stop worshiping it and giving it your money
Anyhoo it’s 2:23 AM
I’m writing poetry when folks are sleeping or committing sins
I’m still having chest pains but making other health improvements
My doctor is sending health teams to me since I can’t get to them
Not making up my fucking disabilities
People are dropping dead with Myocarditis
I gots it
God has been saving my life
It’s been a long recovery
I was in tremendous pain and in very dark times
The devil was the only visitor
I cried so much
People were calling me a liar when I was telling them I got injured by the vaccine
The Government began censoring me from speaking out
I started getting penalized and threats about having my social media accounts removed
I’m ready to sell my phone and TV
But God says I’m a messenger
And I still swear John Jones has played a hand in this
And healing my heart
Miracles do happen cuz something big saved my life
People are dropping dead like flies
I’m sleeping in the lion’s den
I don’t live in fear but I got to get my anger issues under control before I have a heart attack
I swear, There’s a ghost in my machine! Even chaos has routine I hope he knows how much he means Perhaps the haunting there is me These halls are called a labyrinthine I think we’re both lost equally
I don’t cast stones I throw grenades I check for backbones But not here to save
I’m not Jesus Ask not of forgiveness Got light of Venus But I’m not Jesus
Look at him all mighty Judging from his throne Only wants the children He can do no wrong
He never shows me love, just judgment With him, I’ll never reach the summit
I don’t want to talk to him about the Holy Spirit He ain’t anywhere near it
I still talk to him Through ink and pen Through thick and thin There and hell herein
How do you go from creator to singularity So sparingly?
My brain is an artifact Don’t have a heart attack
I follow The voices in your head Every murky shadow Leaking trails of thick red I’ve met the dead Down in the Bayou Your sins are widespread Walking on gravestone I hear the cries where the wind blows I hear your echoes on the radio
His smile is an ice-shelf breaking free
Put up a plaque for my humiliation What’s the will of a freemason?
We need to watch our agreements Human not demon Give God a good reason
Gonna start using the gym where I live. In an attempt to work on my booty gains. But I’m still dying and cannot go hard.
People are dropping dead by what I have.
10,000 steps and gone.
I think it might be a better solution than bike riding since I almost got murdered twice in a week but I will not be giving up my riding because I need to listen to the birds and get the fresh air where I feel free.
Not secure. But it helps me remember what I’m fighting for. Why I’m fighting for humanity, including my own.
And I’m currently in my own personal hell.
My spirit has been broken and I am only a fragment of what I could be.
His poetry, that is absolutely 1000% not about me (?), gives me glimpses of who I am.
Or want to be.
There really is no difference. I live in his mind. He’s my sanctuary.
I hope it’s his arms I get to crawl into and die, even if a word is never said.
I want him to be my final avenue and I want him to lay me to rest.
No other.
He must hide my body from the establishment. Give me back to earth. ๐
Not prematurely. I’m still putting up the good fight to live but that’s not where my thoughts are.
I’m still red flagged at the VA for being suicidal. The very very bad kind.
One slip up and I’m off to the funny farm via the pigs against my will.
And I’m a Soldier, not a rich boy, we eat mystery meat.
And I’ve always identified as Native American and I want to find my tribe and get out there and hunt and slay a buffalo, so get off my dick
His path leads me to the Garden of the Gods Like lightning rods
His heart is hard A place to guard
I radiate the potential for havoc Learning to control the devil’s habit
Pain is covered with calcite, tissue, and muscle I chose to be invisible until one day I clearly was
How do you have so much resolve to be so hateful
I am dust and cloud Unploughed Shrouded in form Ready to be born
So what! You got caught looking! You crawled into a planted trap! It’s humiliating! The world doesn’t give a crap!
Society is breeding evil The devil in control But I’m so tired of cutting people That do not have a soul
Dying is a ceremony
Beware false prophet Poison product
He’s nihilism Keeps soul in prison Never first position
I’m color-coded Disorganized and bloated Sorely hated, duly noted Born foreboded
I’m a threat everywhere My beauty, my scorn I give up on everything But then I’m back again reborn
Watch your step One regret can lead to death
JOHN JONES WAS MURDERED
The breakdown is the breakthrough
I sometimes see him in the mirror Confused on what it means Wish vision would appear clearer Then I’d understand the hope he brings
I wish a man would make me feel like a woman But instead, they beat and hold me to the floor; Tell me, I’m not worth fighting for
Society is an echo chamber
We live in a closed containment The earth is what we name it
My own hurts are a form of hell Complete discipline to be well
Father, please do not let me deny him three times
He appears like a soul mirror A waterbed with daffodil He is Lake Superior The calmness and the still
I go in circles when I get lost It’s disconcerting A personal holocaust
The slow delay in becoming
I have a hard time connecting to the devil’s circle An open world And he’s a lure Traversing the obscure He’s at my door Constantly banging Begging for more
I’m flame and fire The netherworld The scent of death I still can’t feel things yet
I’ll give you the grand tour But there is no cure And do I not know you well? You fought for insecure Now you’re not so sure You’re all impure
I remember needle and thread I wrote the book on dread Your main desire Well look ahead Goddess or prior I think you should retire Those images in your head
Dropping content on my TikTok again! Maybe not what you want but tough-tiddy!
It feels good to be climbing out of the bed after one year down – to start fitness walking and biking again.
And I’ve been getting in over 2 mile walks – which is standard Army PT.
Google maps show a 1 mile walk at 45 minutes and I’m coming in at nearly 2.5 miles in about an hour. In the Florida heat. And sometimes stopping in what shade you find. ๐คช
I need a mileage tracker for the bike, and a better way to film than shoving the handsfree down my bosom. ๐
But that keeps both hands on the wheel. ๐
It’s extremely dangerous riding out here. I’ve been nearly wiped out twice in just a week. I’m not exaggerating.
I know you wanna see the city stuff, that’s a bit further out, and even more dangerous.
I’m just now crawling outta my bed.
My doctor still has me on light duty-walking only.
I’m still detoxing 3 times a day, now with the maximum dose allowed. I’m using Black Walnut Wormwood & Apple Cider Vinegar. I’m on a strict diet routine change. I cold cut quit (nearly) the sugar and junk food.
I’m exhausted and climbing Mount Everest every day. I cannot heel.
Appreciate all the good support on my blog and channels! Thank you kindly!
His poetry is alcoves and passages Backroads and damages Wet clay Lost messages Disdain Bad management A red flag Labeled “accident” Atomic bomb He’s inadequate And the reason For our rising rent
A tiny learning curve using the Walmart Marketplace to shop for organic foods, but overall it was worth the delivery charge. I tipped my driver in cash. But went in and dropped him another $2 via the app. It’s a holiday, he did a good job. He got a 5* rating. And maybe an extra boost with the tip. It wasn’t a large extra – but hopefully the extra thumbs up was a mood boost. I’m trying out here tossing pennies around and shit (he got a fiver in cash).
I stretched it out. Even got a bag of limes for my water detox. Slurp.
The fridge is full
The chicken was the main meat but I put all my eggs in a 3 pound pack and there were no substitute’s available. Shit out of luck. I cried lmao. So of all the things I ordered, the chicken was the only thing I couldn’t get.
Next time 2 or 3 small packs of different ones and thus substitutes might be available
And maybe not get the largest pack during a holiday without a backup if said item doesn’t arrive
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, it’s just like when you study really hard for a test and you still don’t make a 100
I can’t remember my teachers names but I can remember the grade
“What is wrong with me”
I went back and looked over the list of all the food that was arriving and was sound
I didn’t have to get out and drive
I didn’t have to worry about getting shot in the Walmart parking lot for taking someone’s spot accidentally or whatever
They took mine
I didn’t have to worry about anybody coughing on me or having to wear a mask
I didn’t have to waste time at a red light or worry about anyone running me over at one
I got same day delivery but chose a less busy, cheaper time slot
I like shopping online
Everything was packed with extra care
I did not send him down a bunch of aisles. Most of everything I needed was in the produce section, as well as store brands.
This was “delivery” not shipping. I wanted mainly fresh produce and dairy. Not canned goods nor junk food. There were no heavy ticket items or bulk items. But necessities and things folks would likely need for a holiday in general (to cook).
I had a tight budget going in and a checklist.
There were 4 items that required substitutions that I had an hour to approve. I approved right away (and sobbed momentarily behind closed doors about the “no substitutions for the chicken, we’re sorry”). So 4 subs & 1 unavailable.
But, his substitutions were amazing. My eggs were one of the subs, he did a great job. Everything subbed was the same price too. Even got the brown eggs.
I was impressed I was able to get as much essentials as I could on $50 (I spent a tad more but also got ACV). For detoxing & cleaning veggies.
Holy god 4 bags of dry beans, a bag of potatoes
18 pack of brown eggs
I’m thinking deviled eggs (a few), egg sandwiches, making cornbread/cake/brownies, tuna egg salad, stuffs
And no, there isn’t any onion onion but I did get green onion and some garlic heads
It’ll be on my burgers and eggs
Douse it like fire
I do love onion (and can put some in the burgers I wanna make or the beef steak with gravy)
I got some Turkey dogs! And fresh buns for everything
The pizza was under five bucks ($3.48 to be exact). I’ve been dying for a pizza!!! That’s a good deal!
You can still buy a fresh loaf of wheat bread for under a dollar, it’s a fucking miracle
Egg sandwich with cheese and onion nom
Buttered bread yeee
Excuse me I got to go
You can blame it on the food
It’s a holiday and I’m sharing with you what I’ll be eating (kinda) ๐คช
I do have organic carrots and garlic and potatoes now tho (with broth and spices and green onion, soup is on the horizon)
I love to make homemade soups, casseroles and thingamabob’s
Lord almighty someone sent me a donation and I just spent it all on food! ๐คฉ
I’m talking fresh organic meats and produce! Scheduled to be delivered today! And I don’t even have to worry about anybody stealing it because I have to sign for it! Now the delivery charge was more than what I was making when I was working as a Lyft and Uber driver but…
My wheels are down – but apparently the Walmart marketplace now delivers! And – because I received such a nice donation, was able to purchase my food for the month!
I’m not ashamed to say that I have been living month to month off of food donations from the church pantry and the Salvation Army, which I can no longer get to because my wheels are currently down, so this donation just allowed me to be able to buy some food and have it delivered!!
I bought the part I needed for my ride! I’m only 19 no’s away from finding someone to help me fix it finding the courage to fix it myself.
The good news is, I did fix my bike!
But, we almost got killed riding yesterday. A car nearly wiped us out. Despite me waiting for the traffic signal to signal and flash WALKING.
Surprisingly, she turned around and came back
“Are you alright”
“Yes but that was scary. Thank you for coming back and checking on us”
“That was close” she said
She was a young driver and probably will be much more careful coming through traffic signals from now on because she nearly took out a girl and a dog on a bike
I told my dog that she was not a demon because she came back to check on us and I know that was hard for her to do
I guess we had a guardian angel looking after us because she was flying
It didn’t matter that I had the right away and I even waited a second to make sure there wasn’t any traffic but
Food is incoming
Chicken. Turkey. Beef. Milk. Bread. Eggs. Cheese. All the things! ๐คฉ
The things I never get from food donations (rare).
I don’t know what you wanted me to spend my money on but food is absolutely a priority and a necessity in my life and not junk food.
My dog is also happy and behaving extremely well for bike rides and soon-to-be good homecooked eating
I’ve been deep cleaning my apartment because my name is on the lease and I’m not going anywhere because God wants me in the Lions den
I discovered that there are a lot of churches in the nearby vicinity that maybe I could start riding my bike to
After all, this broken heart of mine has already walked 5 miles in the last couple weeks
We live in hell and I don’t trust any of these assholes because they would jump you
Two people just got arrested out here where I live and one of the guys was out here yelling that the other guy was a pedophile
I think it was two children though that got arrested because they were trying to defend themselves you know because they were being threatened to have their fucking lives demolished by the psychotic adults
“I got it on film” he yelled
And the weekend is just getting started so who knows who else might get arrested
I’ve opened up all my windows for maximum effect
“Do not fear”
M’kay but like… Why did you make every aspect of life threatening?
I get so tired and start falling into a deep sleep wherein I’m jousted awake with the reality that my blood sister died
She was 2 years older than me
My sister died of COVID January 21st
And it’s a hard one to swallow
The things that wake you up in the middle of the night when you’re trying to sleep
The things
No one ever taught me to have compassion and it’s not something I was born with
When I was 15 my horoscope said that Leo’s are known to have feet and heart problems
Why does everything feel like a simulation
The establishment hope that we are the first intelligent life because they want to control all life in the universe like they are gods
Everything God created or that is natural, they’ve made artificial
Fallen Angel technology
Why does 11:11 always follow me
What did I do to deserve this hell
Why have I always been woke but stupid
Why did I get in trouble in kindergarten on the playground for trying to off myself because I wrapped a piece of string around my neck
Why am I so bothered by schools of fish that are people doing trends and acting like robots
Why do I know things before they happen
Why can’t I lie to you
Why why why why why
Do I always make the wrong choices
I get so emotional when I make a mistake
Especially when I’ve attempted to not fuck up
My sister didn’t get vaccinated and she died of COVID, I got vaccinated and got heart inflammation and am still dying and my half-sister has been triple vaccinated and double boosted and has had COVID several times but “is fine”
It’s a bio weapon
Why does nobody in my family listen to me
Why was I born without an identity
I had a period of awareness inside my mother’s womb and was depressed before escaping out into this hell hole
I don’t want to die this young and I’m really scared
I think the only justice is to have the establishments heads on a platter, otherwise I could’ve gone my entire life, without having learned of that tragedy
Ugg
Crucified upside down and all he got was a plaque
His bones aren’t at rest
He didn’t want to be left in there!๏ฟผ
But you can dismantle a bridge so you can watch prime TV!
Excuse me, I need to go back to disassociating
This will include going through my recent camera roll and uploading footage on my TikTok that might be worth looking at
From one Asian app to another
And I have to limit my use there because it makes me sick
The advertising is making me sick
The constant product placement
The gaslighting on the labels
The Blair witch shakiness
I spend most of my time writing โ๏ธ
Photo captured this AM
So, I’m sleeping in the lion’s den, with no fear, per the Lord’s instruction
But you know what happened to the couple riding their bikes down the street without any fear who had just bought their dream home six months prior, right?
Slavery started in Africa and they the soul-sucking demon narcissist want us living in fear.
Are you a multidimensional being? Visiting or sightseeing? Stuck in doubt or now believing? Have you seen the devil fleeing? Are you armed or hands are easing? Do I bring you meaning?
Do you come from a third dimension? Are there worlds you’ve never mentioned? A falling angel in ascension? Purgatory or suspension? Am I ever what you’re wishing? Do you love me as much then?
My heart is expanding and I don’t know if it’s the coffee or you. Are you responsible for a view or two? This place is put together with glue or dรฉjร vu.
I think I’m organic AI becoming self-aware. Welp.
The establishment have my DNA.
They are obsessed with digging up the dead and cloning themselves.
But they’re trying to rebuild the entire world under their rule with DNA that has been modified and through the DNA ark in Antarctica.
Lots of parents pulling their children from public schools. This is not the country I fought for.
My blog is the only place I have free speech still.
I need out of this concrete city. ๏ฟผ
I don’t know where I’m going but I know it’s not here.
I don’t have the, how, when, where, why
To be honest, the devil’s been crucifying me, I’ve been going through a living crucifixion
And an exorcism
I found something better than holy water but I still need to get my hands on some of that as well
Hey man, you still coming around these parts?
Constantly having to change your charts?
These maps only for the bravest of hearts!
๐คช
Organic AI
Not manmade
Y’all the establishment continue to drop bombs everywhere and that’s why sealife comes ashore dead and people are like oh my god why why are all the animals dying what’s going on
BOMBS EVERYWHERE
The establishment serve a dark entity
I don’t even believe in abortion and I injected my body with a vaccine that had dead fetuses in it and I will have their heads on a platter
The establishment are going after breast-feeding and saying that it’s unnatural and that it creates distrust among the government
Society is a gamble where the house always wins, And when I read your poetry I always get the bends. The world says we have free will but aren’t we born with sins? And you and I are circling, don’t know where start beginsโฆ
I walked 2.4 miles yesterday and came home and puked. I also had a blacked out four-door pick up truck pull over randomly on the side of the road and watch me walk for 10 minutes. I was already feeling extremely vulnerable from the heat and didn’t know if I was going to make it home and then I had to put my water away – to free up my hands – for a potential kidnapping. That motherfucker got out and opened up the back door watching me – in his truck – completely blackened out.
I need to get my bike fixed. My Jeep. And move to the country. I have a certificate of eligibility from the VA and I won’t have any closing costs when I buy a home. The VA also now allow veterans to buy/purchase a Mobile home with their COE.
I’m not trying to buy a mansion or a farm. Land is still fairly accessible to buy in Florida.
You can be buried on your land in Florida. I’ve visited mobile home manufacturers – where they sale the units – and have ones you can view.
I don’t need a bunch of fancy upgrades. It’s not a pipe a dream.
My bank is already offering me small personal loans now that my credit is improving again.
Even if I don’t buy, I’d rather rent in the country.
Orlando and Daytona Beach has been overrun with thugs. And immigrants (from the Middle East who open shops and harass you while shopping).
It’s sounds mean I know, but we’re victimized. I’m tired of being silent about the blaring racism coming from people of opposite color.
Not to mention, my people are still living on reservations. I’m an outcast. They probably wouldn’t accept me.
I long for my own land and to be one with the earth, animals, nature.
Men are great at farming, herding, hunting, gathering, creating life. When they focus on purpose, rather than Satanic rituals.
I never had a father, I long for a male figure in my life.
I’m trying to cuss less, I’m just so effing angry! It seems it keeps me ground. And outta jail.
I don’t know if I’m gonna move anymore and I have an empty storage unit that’s holding my trampoline right now.
I’m going to buy the part for my ride soon and then eventually after 20 more no’s, somebody will say yes and help me fix it
I’m still detoxing with Black Walnut Wormwood and I learned to take zero breaks.
In fact, you need to do a 90 day cleanse at minimum, if you are battling a long list of shit. Everything from cancer to IBS.
I guarantee you need to deworm yourself and your entire family, probably pets too.
At this point, I am exorcising the devil out of me.
My periods went back to normal. No more agitating back pain. Minimal cramping.
My lungs are clearing out. Stopped using the Nebulizer, which I swore made me worse. Have a shit ton of medicine unused. Fuck Big Pharma. My care team did nothing but make me worse! It’s a dictatorship inside the VA and I would like to be able to pick my own primary care doctor from a list of doctors including outside of the VA. End of.
Furthermore, I’m done with traditional medicine. It’s the devil’s poison! I’m a former combat medic! Once a medic, always a medic!!! And fuck you for saying otherwise
“Your certifications are expired”.
Oh boo hoo. I’m still educated. Deal with it.
If I wasn’t so poor, I would’ve, at minimum maintained my CPR certifications that I had for over a decade (15+ years)
I’m not that old
Everyone who keeps going on about how old I am are gray or bald already so I don’t get it even the ones that are like 20 they’re fucking bald already
Like I still love you, but you put a lot of pressure on me to maintain like this youth when you yourself are letting yourself go, that’s all
Do better.
Alcohol causes early balding.
Alcohol causes women to go grey.
Look, you’re all beautiful as you are!!!
Dr. Jordan Peterson even admitted that makeup sexualizes women (anyone who wears it) and makes you look like a fucking child because that’s what babies lips look like
Yeps
Agree
And we shave too
Look, I’m not trying to crucify anybody, I’m just trying to let you learn and I do have a science degree in psychology, so I’m an expert in my field
Human nature is still very complicated
I’m still learning to be human
I’m earning my wings
Anyhoo
It’s very dangerous living here in this concrete city
I need some green
And alligator’s visiting me
But I’m clumsy and absolutely cannot fall because they will fucking get you even if they’ve been fed already
“She died doing what she loved”
I mean, that does have a better ring to it than, “she dove from the bridge”
I’d like to keep writing easy rhyme
I’m a modern poet
Life is so dangerous, I mean the sun can take you out, but so can people in black pick up trucks…
The good news is, my medicinal does free delivery and will be arriving soon ๐คฉ
You can order weed online and get it delivered for free. And stop the lying about it costing more in the pharmacies because they always have fucking sales going on and it’s just not true…
Furthermore, you don’t have to deal with people stealing your money, not having what you want, not giving you what you paid for, being hit on, or illegally arrested
So there’s perks for getting your card, and over 71% of Florida residents voted yes for medicinal, and I was one of the voters who voted yes, and now I’m getting to reap the benefits of that, because voting does matter on a state level.
I also voted to give prior criminals the right to vote again and now I’m wondering if that was even fucking good of me
Since the criminals seem to always be fucking harassing me because they want me to live in fear
That couple definitely was not living in fear riding their bikes home from bike week to their dream home that they bought six months prior
I’m lit (not like that)
Uhm, I think God wants me to use the amenities out here I’m paying for that I’ve never used
I don’t really want to get inside the chlorinated pool, but I wouldn’t mind hanging out on the lounge chairs, utilizing the gym, or pool table
There’s a grill or two outside
I have grilling stuff but I don’t have any meat to grill and they’re not giving it out for donations anymore and there’s some sort of man-made pandemic going on with livestock
The cost of meat is beyond my means
As a reminder, I’m trying to buy a house
And get out from under renting
I’m just tired of renting and then every 12345 years having to move somewhere else because of the neighbors being unruly
Body cams exist. Door cams. Car cams. Bush cams. Window cams. Mini cams. I’m gonna fucking catch you cams. And within the budget.
My hashtag has over 15,500 views on TikTok already! Cool! Thankies! ๐คฉ
Thank you to those who care enough to visit my blog.
It’s appreciated.
I’m aware enough that most people are better writers than me and I’m probably below average.
It’s a hard fistfuck when you do visit or admire another’s work, and they show zero effort or interest in the return.
I mean, I know I suck or you’ve formed some opinion of me that isn’t based on reality or compassion
I know
I spent all night cursing God
Yep
Even threw in a “fuck you too” once or twice
Free will you say
And I’m certain I repeated the “fuck you” with a very intense expression towards the sky
He’s God
He can handle my potty mouth better than you
It doesn’t feel very good but I never apologize
It is said with intent
I haven’t excluded anybody in my ascension
I can’t stop thinking about John Jones
I’m feeling more calm today about being grounded
Like maybe God wants me to finally use the pool๏ฟผ
Or WALK
I’m good at walking, it’s something the military trained me heavily on doing, I mean I can fucking go 10 miles with blisters on my feet and still get around the next day
Not very happily but I’m training with Goliath
Most Soldiers love me
Especially my male comrades
The ones not barking, “can you even fire a weapon”
Well get on out there and find out
I had to earn my uniforms – and as a female – the pressure was greater for me to succeed
The higher ups always had me in leadership positions and role’s
Ross was always busy multitasking
Ross also was in charge of paying everyone
And when I’d go barreling into my battalion commander’s office crying having meltdowns, he’d always reply that I was really intelligent and smart
My first sergeant would yell at me for not crossing my T’s and I’s.
End of the world bullshite after you worked hours on a spreadsheet
Like spending a week writing an essay that your professor sends back with a bunch or red markings, including shitting on the title
Get in the bottom of the sea
I’m a perfectionist and I have a brain injury, don’t come at me
But yeah… when you make the big money the dictators make life mizzy (miserable)
Narcissism 101
Anyhoo! Getting back on my feet soon once I’m out of my head!
Imagine unplugging, to find yourself waking up with a chain around your neck by the devil
So the free will fuck you thing seemed warranted
I also wasted my entire life and I’m learning to let everything go
But not my wheels
I will sink with the fucking ship
I will tow it out to my land that I plan to buy before I die and I will be buried in it
I have a tomb!
I don’t want to die in my ride however
Or die at all
I’m not uploading myself into the Metaverse
I’m suing the government
I’m filing for state disability
I’m listing the names of every doctor mistreating me
I’m leaving 1 star reviews – because image is important to these demons
Don’t forget, these doctors and nurses took an oath
Y’all remember having a mole in the system
Well these days the mole is the Great Wall of China
India – the unholy city – the Great Pyramid scheme
Anyhoo, civvy war
I’m nearly ready
If I could just get out of the fucking bed
Spitting less and my feet are no longer swollen. Thank you John Jones. I love you. Apple Cider Vinegar detox & Black Walnut Wormwood. You’re a brilliant heart doctor. Even from heaven. โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
But why do I sob when I write? I have to take breaks and blow my nose. ๐ค
I probably have better poetry in the vault but I’m still freestyle dropping when folks be sleeping.
Things probably could be better but I don’t have any time to waste, I’m dying.
Elon is projecting when he says he wants to “die a mysterious death and go to hell with all his friends”
I think I’m gonna throw up…
But I wrote this poem for us instead
I don’t even know who “us” is
I’m not living to my purpose
*dies on street*
*sobs*
On a positive note, my hashtag has been searched/viewed over 15,500 times on the TikTok (Poe says he’s responsible for a few) ๐ค
Why wouldn’t Edgar like me showing up to his poetry readings, I’m his biggest fan next to you
I’d probably have like a signed tee-shirt or something
And the fact that he died on the street naked mad out of his mind completely poor and unable to sell any of his writings to the local press to earn a penny so that he could eat even though he served as an officer in the military for two years tells me that he was not a narcissist – because his family said “he was no good alive” and refused to attend his funeral dead
They proceeded to toss him in an unmarked box in an unmarked location
*tries to calm down*
At this point, a box to be buried in is a surplus cuz I don’t have a pot to piss in
I don’t know what state you live in, you never wish me a happy birthday, and I hope you also burn in hell
And I wouldn’t invite you to any of my events either
Am I the last remaining human that is still 1000% human (no artificial degrades)?
Because the people who keep going on about my age have either gone bald or are gray.
How old are you?
I’m fucking ancient that’s how old!
And I’m trying to get my shit together so that I could potentially find a partner who is healthy enough to bring a baby into the world or build a home together because I’m still capable of doing both!
Capable lol
I’m on bedrest
My vehicle is broke down
I’m moments away from leaping from a bridge
But there’s no grey….
Let my non-existent tomb read, “no grey”!
Not everyone lives to be old.
But y’all are prematurely aging yourself.
And everything that you are doing to try to stop the aging process is aging you faster.
It’s just an FYI
And I still love folks bald or grey
But what I don’t like, is the constant phishing for private, personal data.
Well how old are you, where do you live, are you single?
Communicating is exhausting.
And they go straight for phishing right away.
As a Soldier (my credentials do not expire), this is a big red flag.
Only a few more conversations between you and your followers and they have a profile of you.
I love everybody but immigration has been a Trojan horse.
Petite. But armed and dangerous according to the establishment.
Yep.
I’m still detoxing and in and out of hopelessness.
But this cancer has been eating me alive for several years and back over the XMAS holiday I was told I no longer had a year left to live.
And so here I am about 6 months or so into that realization.
My Primary Care doctor (from Asia and whom I cannot change/am stuck with) has said to “ride it out”
Oh I plan to, right into the courthouse where I have the license removed from everyone in the VA misdiagnosing/mistreating me
It’s not a pipe dream
Nor the visions I have of taking them all out, family included, no remorse.
Fuck you.
I’m going to burn it all down, even if it takes me 200 years, but I’m not doing earth again.
Also, I’ve legit been dying, and seemingly misbehaving, so can you cut me some slack.
I have absolutely no idea how to be a human, I just know I’m doing it wrong.
I’ve done everything wrong but I feel like I have a chance (maybe) if I can get my health together, to try again.
A new deck of cards, unopened.
I just need a partner who isn’t the Devil.
My blood sister died age 45. This was in January.
My birthday is in August. I won’t receive a birthday card, I never do.
I don’t exist and stop asking my age.
I don’t identify with my age whatsoever.
And I really want to know if there are any other 43 year old – nearly 44 year old women – who are still ovulating and do not have any gray hair?
I never ate birth control or ripped out my titties. No botox. Just a plain Jane.
I had no idea it was conditioning for human hybrid/AI/META/advertising/consumption.
This isn’t the future I fought for.
I’ve laid down my M16, and I’m looking to buy land and start a commune.
I’m not going to be dying forever, one day I’m actually going to be dead.
You can be buried on your land in Florida.
I have goals.
Buy land. Die.
Or, pop a tent and get pregnant under the moon.
Treehouses and crying over the dying garden.
Babe, the asparagus are dying!!!
Him: it’s time to pick them
Yes I’m obviously the drama, I have a lot of superpowers I don’t know how to contain or operate.
Humanity did not come with a guide.
I don’t even have a handbook for the “recently nearly deceased”.
I think I’m actually stuck in purgatory.
I told my therapist I don’t trust the doctors with my data anymore, I mean can you imagine the amount of paranoia I am mounting…
I’m ready to sell my phone and TV.
And now I’m trapped in a WordPress plan (I do plan to look into the other hosting, I have just been down in a pit and can only do things slowly).
I don’t have anyone to come in and organize my poetry the way Jim Morrison had.
I don’t have a lover. I don’t even have any weed.
I might turn into the Incredible Hulk over the next couple weeks.
Anything goes.
But what I want more before I die is for the people that I do care about or who I have offended to forgive me of my actions so that I can at least offend them again in the future. ๐คช
Still detoxing. My fuel tank light is on. I’m out of water. I’m on a 5 day undetox and then I’m starting bottle 2 & hitting it hard with the largest doses 3 times a day.
Broke in more ways than one. So God gave me a free year of shopping.
Which is cool, because I’m on a waitlist to get moved, even though I can’t afford any boxes currently.
The Great Void I’ve stood the edge Gave humanity my hand I have tried to help the damned God has licked the wound where bled And I stand near him unfledged
I peer the end All nothingness Not overjoyed Not his to dress
I am the world Though light is love Taste amaroid Like darkness tough
Fell through the rough Found heaven’s grace Have keys to gate No name to face
I’ve stood the still Frame by frame revealed Lost my soul and will Yet God is hereโฆ.
If things that excite me connect me to my purpose; Is your love a circus? Or why I surface? Underneath, I’m nervous Your lines are perfect
ยฉ Delia Ross. 2022/2015E (but technically, shouldn’t the year be 6615?. According to the Ethiopian calendar and before the Christians came along and tried to control time and put us all inside this nightmare matrix, the year is 6000 and something)
New shades from the Dollar $1.25 Tree (that’s like a 25% inflation not 7% I think and I suck at math and I’m closer to right than wrong)
You are connected to my purpose
And all my blooms are from the garden you planted and grew
I know you hate love me
The answer to life is, I’m closer to right than wrong… ๐คช
I mean, I almost got it right ๐
*hangs upside down*
Helps. Need help moving. For reals.
Also, met a gigantic God-like bug from the dinosaur days a few minutes ago. ๐คฉ
His colors were green and blue ๐คฉ
Or her… probably a her…
You should call her me ๐คช
You and God are the only ones I wouldn’t block although I probably do and have blocked God a time or two unknowingly and/or maybe cuz I’m screaming for help/drowning/ am pinching you or some other childish shit.
If you only answered the door… ๐คช
I see you keep taking the offering I am leaving at your door
The steps are crumbling where I stumble and/or kick them
The door has a dent…
With drawings to form a smile
You’re still enjoying the homemade biscuits I see…
Probably the only food you get that isn’t poisoned
You suspect it should be
Sometimes hope it is?
Look at this beauty ๐คฉ
Allowed me to get real close. Gonna put some footage on the TikTok. Got some other shots of the side too. Very blue pigment on the eye. It’s eye/ TV monitor was Gigantic and I apologized for putting my lights full on but thanked it for allowing me to film and say hello.
I would have a heart attack if a bug that big landed on me and I need to learn to connect with nature.
I believe animals are sentient creatures and also have life lessons. It’s our duty to be their brother and sister.
Do you get the same pigment blue? The green is pretty too.
Green gets overlooked by the Hollywood devil’s and minions
It’s still out there on my apartment wall…
I’m looking forward to moving where I can have a porch or balcony.
I think the visit from a dinosaur is a sign to relocate – a positive omen or affirmation
Because believe it or not, them divulging that information to me, put a lot of complicated shit on my back
They literally gave away your secret and then I attacked you because I’m not screwed on right
I don’t need you to make me suffer anymore than I already do for my “crazy fucking behavior”
The establishment are driving us insane
Poor Edgar couldn’t stomach it
But alas, he didn’t die in vain
Nor John Jones…
Jacob on the other hand… that whirlpool is keeping me up at night
All the times I was like “I think I can swim across the river” and people were like “no I don’t think you can” and I’m like “yeah I think I can” and I’m out there swimming in the fucking river and jumping off into quarries or swinging off of fucking ropes into the abyss
“Make sure you let go, you gotta let go”
Or like that one time my boyfriend pushed me off of a 50 foot bridge, not to mention all the other times I jumped off a 50 foot bridge into the water and forgot what I was doing while I was falling…
I’ve stood in front of a train blowing its horn and blinding me
I’ve ran from the cops into a field of barbwire
But I’ve been suicidal since before I was born
Must be tired of being recycled and leveling up while the world crumbles and burns
I dunno
I have never denied being suicidal and they’ve locked me up in padded rooms and shot me up with Thorazine
It was a playbook for insanity, me in there singing, “I wanna go home / take off this uniform and leave the show”
I escaped the asylum on 3 occasions during a month long stay
I was 15
They changed their rules every time
Still, I left the leader…
I call the shots
You should see all the training the military and the department of defense gave me and I was like a sponge soaking it up and they loved sending me to classes
Super Soldier
Still can’t add/subtract/divide
Math is the enemy
It has made me cry cry cry
On numerous occasions
Stop judging somebody’s worth on how clever they can put a sentence together or multiply
Granted, I wish I had certain skill sets
But God made me free
But I was born inside a prison
I have always questioned authority
I have always questioned the narrative so many blindly follow
“Well that’s a stupid tradition”, I’d say
You may act like I’m untrustworthy and terrible with secrets but I’m not actually the one giving them away
And Uncle Sam trusts me with his secrets
I have never told any
In fact, when all the married soldiers were going out for a “boys night out” and I couldn’t come because they were “going to cheat”, I didn’t tell the wives whom I knew and shared meals with
Stop making up excuses not to talk to me
I know the real reason anyway
You’d have to change
You have to want that for yourself and I don’t want to be in a relationship with anybody, I was just trying to be on civil terms again
But I guess we are in fifth grade and it’s one of those things “well if you’re friends with so-in-so, so I’m not gonna be friends with you…
Passes letter
Would you like to not be mad at each other anymore? (check the box) (please return)
Yes ๐ฒ
No ๐ฒ
Maybe ๐ฒ
(Turn over) ๐
Pssst I’m good with secrets
Made traditional beans n toast for dinner, with a little sweet onion and pickled beets on the side (and water)
Letting it thicken…
TikTok now has given me the ability to do stories!
I know lots of secrets and have some of my own…
I’m still coming to terms with my sister dying
I had a dream and she visited me
I don’t want to fall on regret because I couldn’t fix her thus our relationship would have always been toxic
She never got over the fact that our daddy was fucking her when she was four years old
She was extremely cruel to me my entire life
My mother too…
Anyhoo
We are all circling around that same whirlpool currently though
I really want to get control of my emotions and stop acting a horses ass every time I feel triggered
For starters
In hindsight, I know I was crying out
It’s a cry for help
And then I got so suicidal and in my head I felt like the only person I wanted to connect with before I died was you…
The fact that, even in my final moments my signal is always directed at you
I’m sorry
I don’t know why I’ve given you that burden
And I know you’re distracted by a 100 million girls but I love you
All the yous
Mostly
You can’t change your stars
But we could probably sue PayPal
I don’t know all the lingo, I’m not actually that smart. I’m smart enough to get you to the place that you need to be thinking about the things that you need to think about, that’s as far as I can take you, then you’ve got to kind of drive the rest of the way and kind of help me over the mountain top but also allow me to be myself when I can
I’m a Leo (fire sign) so rarely ask for help but people are quick to kick you when you do
I don’t know why I act so possessive over you, I struggle with that but then “your mind makes it real” and you know I go places…
I don’t stop going places with you
I loved you before I knew…
I’m struggling with my health and it’s up and down and there are things that I just need to get off of my chest, I need the record to be set straight
I want to sue PayPal for breach of contract and breach of trust and for giving me the list of anonymous donors in a fucking invoice several months later
That didn’t help the stalking loving you
I had other anonymous donors and I didn’t stalk them, it was just your name really stood out you know
What a shit thing for them to do and what a shit thing for me to do
I don’t blame you for hating me
For causing destruction in your life
Maybe I don’t want you to burn
My sister won’t even face me in my own fucking dreams…
But she’s rooting for me (I think)
I don’t know anything
I jumped into this timeline to avoid dying from my mysterious death and things are really fucking complicated jumping into this timeline with a brain injury OK
I think I love you in the beyond…
I’m learning to forgive my mistakes
I hope you can forgive me too (even if your friends never do)
Friends who control who you talk to aren’t really your friends…
I’m scared of the things I can’t remember that I’ve done… ๐
I’m not your priestess I’m not your saint She’s not a goddess You’re all insane
Stained by peat Sin beneath feet Life incomplete Gave up all I need
Moonlight is septic and cold The breath in your vein Not like solar rain
I think I’ve lost my will to survive Could bast in the sun I’d still die
Dead men tell no tales All these ghosts; I summoned back to hell
Heart is frosted Feet exhausted
Even the highest heaven cannot contain him
I never got a chance to say thank you It was implied when moon shun down on dream And I crawled out your line
Love never danced on a secret moon Such craters impact seam Though love is yours and mine
When he speaks Is it for one or all? Raising the stakes Good call?
We’re going to keep choosing stimulation; we’re in a simulation…
I once heard him speak With rolling thunder under my feet
They all write each other poems and send each other nudes behind the scenes (you know, for emphasis). The blogging community. I’m not that kind of girl.
The press is propaganda
Time to lift the red curtain It’s full of blood and you
I’m still on the TikTok under my pen and hashtag PoeEternal
All my life people demons held me down and made me believe I wasn’t an incredible creature
I’m only now learning to bloom
I’m prone to emo attacks at random
I see through all of you
You’re not as fucking secretive and mysterious as you think you are
It’s clear to see whose fucking who in every sense of the word
Still you haven’t got a clue
I know narcissist are incapable of remorse or reflection, is it kind of like an animal who can’t see themselves in the mirror?
Asking for a friendmyself
I’m all alone out here in this cruel world
I think God is in me
Or just the fear of life ending
Because once I’m gone, I’ll never be in this form again
I’m not doing earth again
If you continue to prove to me by your actions that you don’t want me in your life then I’m not going to be in your life
I won’t look back ๐
I’m willing to help those who want help and to change
That is nearly no one
It’s just the same patterns repeating in morse code
It’s not even original
Cleverly put together sure
I’m ragged edges
And moldy
They use children as fleshlights
I know
I’m broken and have kinks that I’m trying to fix
God doesn’t want me to feel shame
But I’m tired of trying to connect to anything
I wanna unplug
Grow a garden
Play in mud
Leave mathematics on the tree
Writing and poetry
Mother Earth is my mother
We can’t leave earth
Van Allan Belt
Leaving Earth is a pipe dream and we’re wasting all of our natural resources so a very few can lie to you
I don’t get my information from YouTube
Since 1970, over 60% of everything has gone extinct
Narcissism is a plague
Make better choices
I’m completely disgusted by the gay community or any man who seeks to undermine femininity and the power a woman has
They’re simply jealous they can’t have babies or breastfeed (soulless narcissist)
They want to be superior and number 1
Asia is Internet espionage (Trojan horse)
The FDA needs eradicated, our food is being poisoned
Jesus Christ hear me now
The Bible was written by the Illuminati who serve a dark entity, are Pedophiles, run Hollywood, NASA, the government, porn
Turn it off
The sun isn’t bad for you but sunblock is
Gaslighting everywhere
On the labels
Coming from the Presidents mouth
I’m dying from the vaccines which gave me heart inflammation
It’s been a long, slow, painful decline
Some days I’m sure I’m getting better, and others I’m certain I’m near the end
Up and down
Just like my breathing and the temps outside
I hope I get paid soon because I’m out of medicine and gasoline and certain food that I could use
Holding the line
Mostly in the field position
And from my bed
Not doing much dreaming in this waking nightmare
I don’t understand what you want from me
Aside to make me suffer, which I do enough of
I WANT LOVE
From a safe distance
Do comply
I wish I were organized
But that’s not how the universe was created
Maybe over time I’ll display order
But uhm chaos theory
It applies
I break all odds
Until I’m lead into a dark cave where maps aren’t really what they say
The sign reads: HELL
You can defeat the devil in you
With sunlight, tree nuts (sorry if you are a dog or have allergies), water, cleanliness, good choices (mistakes not planned okay), positive vibes and energy, high frequency, forgiveness (letting go is okay), not hurting others because you’re bored and soulless and need a rise
Forgiveness includes yourself and it doesn’t mean you have to stay around people who continue to hurt you
It’s hard to break the sugar/starch/junk food cycle I know
It can be done
I drink mostly Florida spring water
And at some point the whole system may crumble and the source wants you to know that it’s OK if it happens because he’s given you everything that you need to survive, it’s just that the narcissist of the world have gobbled it up like hoarders and then they’re selling it to us at the highest price
The Bible has been teaching for thousands of years that our resources are limitless but they’re not
It’s narcissism
I don’t understand why growing up I was always taught as a woman to behave a certain way but now the gay people can just be like that in the open all the time 24/7, it’s just nasty everywhere, like orgy fucking vibes you know
Porn teaches terrible sexual habits
Alcohol is poison and causes early balding (hair loss) and early grey
I’m so hormonal
Like I’m 13 all the time
It’s annoying trying to control my sometimes out-of-whack emotions
It’s like ovaries chill
If I can get my health together I might try to squeeze in having a baby before I’m not able to have any more babies but like I live in hell, there’s only demons everywhere, they all wanna fuck your children and do
They wanna be demented and cheat
They want to do as little as possible so you will do it all
To hang onto some bullshit they sold you in the beginning
Cut the cords ๐
Save yourself
It’s allowed
Also, I never got a chance to tell you that in the beginning I always just assumed it was you who helped me with that thing that one time and I never did ask you I just came out and directed it and I know you don’t like when I assume things even though assuming is in my nature but
Several months later PayPay sent out some invoice that listed the donors (including the anonymous donors), which I thought was super shitty of them to do but alas
I needed to get that off my chest
Because it was super tacky of me to email you and I can’t like pay you back anyway, I don’t think that you would take it if even if I tried to give it to you, but even if I did send it to you I don’t know how that would go and it would feel weird even though I’d like to pay it back (how do you even do it) but also I’m starving and I’m still having to go get food donations so please don’t fucking hate me for being emo that one time and emailing you like I did when I was completely doped up outta my mind on big pharma, which I no longer take
But you helped me keep my ride and I’m eternally grateful and shall never forget
I’m so grateful I give you shit for it anytime I can and that’s probably because my daddy broke me in the worst way possible
It would probably be a whole lot easier if I told people I was a crackhead when I did those things, they probably would forgive me and want me in their life but when you try to blame big Pharma for your fucking actions it just doesn’t have the same weight you know ๐
Must be all the big Pharma propaganda advertising we’re spoonfed 24/7
If there’s any consolation though big Pharma nearly killed me and I’m detoxing from all of it
I do feel shame for my actions but I’m learning to forgive myself
I am grateful but I never lied
I never knew PayPal was going to do that either and they no longer even have PayPal Pool and it’s the only time I’ve ever done a donation campaign to try to save anything in my life
My soul is attached to that Jeep
And the lesson to learn is if I do lose everything including the roof over my head I can’t fucking die
And when you do die, you can’t take anything with you
And so I’ve chilled out on the road rage
The rage in general…
I’m having to learn to let go of a life that I envisioned for myself that I’m never going to have
The humiliation of being human
And constantly tortured
And I keep having to cut off those closest to me or those that I want to be close with
Most of the music you listen to was recorded in a frequency that causes depression anxiety and all kinds of shit and you need to make better choices so that you can get connected with the source and stop serving the singularity which is what the establishment serve AKA society
I know the things that I say are out there but maybe that’s because I’m from out there
I don’t want you to burn
I know you think you’re too far gone but that’s the devil that has a hold of you and you have to learn to be stronger than your current choices and you have to teach yourself better habits
I’m done crying and rambling because my nose is runny and I want to make beans
Those will take 6-8 hours and I never pre-soak
I’m all in
First of all they’re putting fluoride in everything and it’s terrible for you and if you stop using fluoride toothpaste your teeth will be healed within probably two weeks – mine were very very sensitive from all the sugar and crap I was eating but then I also gave up fluoride toothpaste and fluoride water and my teeth and gums are so much better- they don’t have like a cold heat sensitivity anymore! I guess probably within a month they felt so much better!
Stop using fluoride
I use charcoal and now I use coconut oil for my skin, hair, nailbeds
I love you so much and I don’t want you to burn
Stay in the light
Don’t be like Jacob ๐
He predicted his very death
Shame he wasn’t listening
Must’ve been all that horse tranquilizer crap he was on while floating around a manmade whirlpool, which was basically a big fucking dishwasher drain for a gutty
The camera work was terrible and I refuse to go down the rabbit hole to see if there’s any truth about his death (like has anybody been to an actual grave or seen a fucking death certificate or anything like I don’t even give a fuck that’s how you get viruses on your computer) but I did suffer through the 28 minute final YouTube video, it was terrible terrible camera work for a person who was supposed to be a photographer
About 10 minutes in I saw death arrive
The entire video was creep factor
Get you a friend like Jacob if you want to die
It’s really hard to be emo in the UK because of Curtis Ian and his suicide affected the entire country so being suicidal can look very different in my opinion it looked just like Jacob
Who everyone said did this stuff for views
No, he did it for drug money
And if he really wanted to honor his sister, he would have done it by living a life instead
Instead of swirling around a fucking whirlpool that is a drain
I reckon he felt safe in his swimsuit but then he decided to go under you know because he predicted his own fucking death
I get mad because nobody told me not to get vaccinated but it’s my own damn fault I crawled into the cave but also the fucking directions were gaslit
The establishment lied
And big bro hooked up with Asia and was bought out by Hollywood who now want to force the users to use his application (we warned about Asian espionage back in 2008)
If you’re on an android device you can’t even uninstall the Facebook application (which is why I’m no longer using android)
I’m prepared to not have a cell phone at all
And if the government is going to force me to have a number and to be a fucking slave they’re going to start paying me for it and not with canned food and shitty wages
Not with annual rent increases or keeping the housing market rigged so folks can’t buy
God gave me everything I needed when I was born
The earth has everything I need
You’re not God, you don’t even have any skill sets, all you have is influence, all the establishment have is influence, Elon Musk doesn’t even have a fucking degree
Self taught big whoop
Born with a golden spoon
Checks a spreadsheet every morning to see “women aren’t having enough babies”
Because he’s also in bed with Asia and India who have been cloning and serving artificial intelligence, human hybrids and conditioning us for it
People would rather diss me than hear me, people would rather put me up on a cross and crucify me than to change their ways
“He died doing what he loved”
What. You mean drowning?
I’m scared of the whirlpool my bathtub makes when I’m draining the water from it ๐
3 in the clouds
He had, at least 3 warnings from death, to get out – I counted and maybe saw
Anyhoo, I love my ride
Folks like me driving them around the city
You think I’m not any good with secrets but you haven’t given me any worth keeping (poetic)
Maybe it’s not I who is untrustworthy but yourself
And you only wanna surround yourself with extremely intelligent women who are also kind of like slutty and whoreish (have no self-respect)
It’s so easy to see who’s fucking who playing word clue
One side always liking and the other not lol
Old methods and new ones stick out like a sore thumb no?
I can see through all of you but not always with clarity (for my own sanity)
Gullibility gaslighting
But even plants do it
Animals play dead
Still, I thought I was acting like a horses ass until I saw Jacob’s story
Poor lad had all the wrong guidance
He even talks about it “being scary”
But you know how the force gets stronger towards the end of the drain when everything’s about to be through, well I guess after 20 minutes of playing around in it he decided to go into the actual tunnel of it where his wetsuit no longer had buoyancy because it loses its buoyancy underwater and then of course he got pushed down by the singularity
So many phrases come to mind: “stop acting a horses ass”
Hold your horses
Horseplay
But mate, it’s already difficult to breathe in water
You were suicidal and had a death wish
I wish you had better friends
Don’t have friends like Jacob
But this kind of led me down a whirlpool roadmap and then I learned about how dangerous it was to swim in quarries and rivers and I did this stuff a lot when I was younger so I’m just thanking my guardian angels…
I’ve done stupid stuff but never so quite as stupid as putting a mask on in a whirlpool – a mask which prevents breathing and sight
And his fanbase dared him on
You’re a bunch of demons
I’m still trying to learn the lesson for him, I’m trying to take something from his death
Other than the fact that he needed help for his drug addiction and depression, he needed better friends and people needed to be honest with him about what he was doing, that it was actually dangerous, he shouldn’t be doing it and you should get out
To be honest, influencers ruined fandom for me…
And now TikTok is trying to get the big-time Hollywood actors to get with the top influencers and it’s just not working for me, the propaganda no longer works for me, it’s never worked for me!
Going to church doesn’t make you a better person
Demons are obsessed with image
But underneath it’s all damned
Gaslighting 101
I love you but I’m not jumping in the whirlpool for you for views, I’m not sacrificing myself to the singularity and I want to live to be 101 just despite the establishment
Humans are meant to live a hundred years
The sunshine is good for you (especially sunrise and sunset)
PoeEternal 